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SIMPLY A WASTE OF MONE^I (i Old Sexton Had His Time Mappec Out, and There Was No Need of a Clock. There had been some talk ol placing a clock In the tower of the village church. But John, the olc sexton, who lived in the little cot tairn nnnnsite th? nhurch. declared himself "dead agin it," and expressed the opinion that It would mean "ar awful waste o' brass" were tht scheme carried out. "We want no clocks," he said thf other day. "We've done without clocks up to now, an' we shall man age. Why, lyin' 1* my bed of a morn In' I can see the time by the sundial over the porch." "Yes," replied one who approved ol the scheme, "that's all right so far as it goes. But the sun doesn't shine every morning. What do you dc then?" "Why," answered John, surprisedly, "I knows then as It ain't fit weather to be out o' bed, an* I Just stops where I is."?Tit-Bits. McLean Met His Match. John R. McLean stepped in front of a lurching Irishman, one evening, and obstructed the sidewalk so that the Irishman was obliged to stop and look at him. McLean said: "Here's that half dollar I borrowed of you. Now you must quit telling the neighbors that I never pay my debts." Half drunk, and wholly dazed, the Irishman took the silver piece, looked at It Intently, and then said: "Be dad, yez can't get off thot aisy. It wor a whole dollar thot yez borryd; sq fork over." And he forked over another half dollar, and went his way, laughing heartily at the quick wit of the Irish man.?Illustrated Sunday Magazine. Hardly a Compliment. In the excitement of the moment pUDiic speakers onen say tue uppusue of what they mean to convey, and **when Henry Irving ga.ve a reading in the .Ulster hall, in 1878," says Bram Stoker, in "Personal Reminiscences of Henry Irving," "one speaker made as pretty an Irish bull as could be found, though the bull is generally sup posed to belong to other provinces than the hard-headed Ulster. In des canting on the many virtues of the fuest of the evening he mentioned the excellence of his moral nature and rect itude of his private life in these terms: "Mr. Irving, sir, is a gentle man what leads a life of unbroker blemish.'" Some One Must Do It v J. Plerpont Morgan, at one of the sumptuous dinners that he gave in Cincinnati during the recent church congrees, praised the power of adver tlsine. Mr. Morgan's eulogy concluded witi an epigram quite good and quite true enough to be pasted In every business man's bat. "If a dealer," he said, "does not ad yertlse his wares, it Is ten to one thai the sheriff will do it for him." The Significant Wink. "I think," said the weary stranger, that I'll go somewhere and take fort) winks." The hack driver looked puzzled. "What's the trouble?" 1 was wuiiud 1115 wiiciuci yvu wanted me to drive you to a hotel 01 * drug store." COLDS Cured in One Day "I regard my cold cure as being better that a Life Insurance Policy. "?MUNYON. A few doses of Munyon's Cold Cure will break up any cold and prevent pneumonia. It relieves the head, throat and lungs al most instantly. These little sugar pellets ean be conveniently carried in the vc<?t pocket for use at any time or anywhere, rrice 25 cents at any druggists. If j*ou need Medical Advice write t? Munyon's Doctors. They will carefully diagnose your case and give you advici by mail, absolutely free. They put you Under no obligations. Address Munyon's Doctors, Munyon'i ^Laboratory, 53d and Jefferson streets, Phil adelphia. !Pa. This is Cyrus O Hairs the man who tdrertises Mother's Joy and Goose Crease Liniment, two of the rreatest things knows to immunity. Important News FUR DEALERS and TRAPPERS CEND FURS andSKINS direct to MEN who KNOWtb*lrvalue. Wesaveyoumoney, I because we KNOW the Fur Market, and pay E highest prices on liberal assortments. Price H list especially arraneed for your Territory. It Is YOURS for the asking. Convince YOURSELF by making us a trial shipment. IVe pay all tx/rejjafc, charge ?? temmusions, and remit frvmftlj. LEOPOLD GASSNER FUR CO. 34 ?nt 10th St., JSew York City Capitalized at $250,000.00 | ???a???? By COL. H. C. \ HE professional crimin al's brain is a constantly working laboratory of the most ingenious plots for over-reaching the offi cers of the law. Ever awake, ever thoughful and ever active?at glar ing noontide as well as w at black midinight?in the brown-stone front and lowly tenement?ev erywhere and at every hour Is this insidious enemy of social order wideawake and on the alert It takes an acute mind and level head to contend against and bring the ingenious criminal to the bar of jus tice. During our civil war counter feiting blossomed into a fine art. It became almost omnipresent in every channel of trade and the government detectives were impotent to totally eradicate the evil, expose the plots and defeat the operations of these J criminals, until some time after peace had been restored. To meet and destroy these vampires ' of society It was often necessary to resort to measures of seeming wrong, i. that good results might be obtained. One of the most ingenious criminals that fell into the hands of the secret service division during my official ;areer was one Thomas Brownie, the son of a man of wealth, occupying a fine residence on an aristocratic street in New York City. Young Brownie was possessed of a handsome, refined face, slight figure, , polished address and the self poise of j a man thoroughly trained in the best j circles. Reared under the tuition of a | good and tender mother and supplied with every luxury by a kind and in- j dulgent father, it seems quite unac-1 countable that he should choose to! enter the society of criminals. On ac- J count of his expertness in dodging the officers of the law he gained the j confidence of many of the leading! counterfeiters and forgers of the coun- i try. When I first learned of him he was ?Ieading the life of a man of in exhaustible means. His extravagance ( in dress and living was in keeping with the man of millions. Through i various sources of information it was discovered that he wgs handling counterfeit money in a wholesale way and that he W2S connected with what was then known as the Miner gang of "Coniackers." j He had for some time 'been cute enough to deal in the bogus stuff in a manner to baffle the skill of the gov ernment officers. On more than one occasion when the officers thought him to be almost in their grasp, he would manage to elude them and disappear IVnm their flight The time o.ame when neither the subtle ingenuity of hiB plans nor the wealth and respecta bility of his family served to shield him from the hands of the officers. He was a difficult man to capture, but notwithstanding his remarkable skill and adroitness he met his match at last. It was while at the height of his criminal glory and while he was daily strutting Broadway with the air of a man of unimpeachable character and inexhaustible wealth that evidence sufficient for his conviction had been gathered and brought to my office. I at once directed his arrest and plans were laid for his capture. At about the same time he suddenly disappeared from his usual haunts and the officers were unable to dis cover his hiding place. Whenever the officers sought him in a place where his presence had been , reported they were always just a little f too late. The man they were seeking , i had changed his location. When next heard of he would be in , some other part of the city. In the ] course of time he was spoken of ; among the detectives as a will-o'the- ; wisp, as he was forever flitting about. 1 Two secret service officers were de I tailed to keep a careful watch upon I his father's aristocratic mansion. For, i weeks, night and day, this was kept 1 up without success. The man we i , were in quest of never put in an ap pearance there. The only persons ] seen to go out and in were an elderly gentleman and a young woman of fine < appearance, presumably his daughter. There were also two servants, neither bearing the slightest resemblance to young Brownie. One of the detectives employed in watching the house was a prepos sessing young Italian. I will name him LouiS Merito. He was well edu cated and of fine address. Watchful and of a nervous, sanguine tempera ment, he was nearly always sure of being the lucky one when sent with others to make a capture. Late one pleasant afternoon several days after the young Italian had taken a position near the Brownie mansion, an elegantly attired young ,lady was seen coming down the front steps ui iiic uuubc, <jaxi jnig a iruvei ing bag. She entered a carriage in waiting and it rolled away at a mod erate pace. Merito followed on foot and was able to keep the carriage in view. When the young lady crossed the gang plank of the steamer "Provi dence," then plying between New Caring for t Switzerland Solves Problem of How t Young Folks of the Street Should a 8pend Idle Hours. ? I t In the overcrowded quarters of c every large city where working people V live there are always many small chil- a dren who are allowed to run the S streets without proper oversight. In r the largest cities, like London, Paris J f and New York, they are numbered by j g ttered Roi :ory of the Secre VHITLEY, Former Chief U. t York and Fall River, Merito was close at her heels. She stepped up into the grand salon and after moving about for a few moments, beckoned to a nut-brown chambermaid. When the servant came near the young lady opened a pearl Inlaid portemonnale, and taking from it a ten dollar bill, re quested her to procure a stateroom and passage ticket to the city of Boston. A few minutes afterwards the cham bermaid returned and Informed the youfag' lady that the staterooms on the boat were all engaged. ^The young lady seemed greatly dis appointed and said it was a sorry predicament for her to be placed In; and if the deep drawn sigh she ut tered was an index of her feelings at that moment, she was not only greatly disappointed, but at a loss to knoty what to do. Mefito, who was near at hand, was AfS / TM/V/f / C/7V P#OCVft? YOV /J STATEROOM* "/ftfp COMMANDED X TON?. is kind hearted as he was enterpri sing, and upon the impulse of the mo ment he pushed himself to the front ind with the politest of French bows, said: "Please excuse me, young lady, [ am very much pained to witness pour distress, and I should be glad to assist you. If you will allow me I :hink 1 can procure you a stateroom." In modest tones she thanked him "or his kindness and confidingly of fered him the ten dollar bill that had t>een returned to her by the chamber naid. , "Never mind the money until I know what I can do for you." He thereupon went below. The sister, he thought, is not responsible :or the sins of her brother; besides, ;he making of her acquaintance might ?1ve him a better opportunity tor dis covering the whereabouts of the man ae was seeking. In his imagination ie was sure that she was" going to neet him. This was his opportunity, thought ne. He would ingratiate himself into :he good graces of this young woman ind if possible learn the whereabouts jf her brother. The oily-tongued detective had no ?reat difficulty in securing the coveted irize. Steamboat clerks are always vise enough to reserve an extra ticket Dr two for special purposes. When Merito returned to the grand jalon and handed the young lady her Jckets she was profuse in her thanks md expressed her deep obligation. As she held the tickets between her jeweled fingers she beamed a smile ind displayed a set of pearly white :eeth, encircled by a pair of ruby lips, ind oh. such eyes! More sparkling he Children housands. With such surroundings md under such conditions it is not ;trange that a large percentage of hem become criminals. The great luestion with the authorities is how to landle them and prevent them, as far is possible, from becoming criminals. Switzerland has solved the problem, >arUy at least. In the city of Basel, or Instance, "guardian schools," or ;anlzed and supported by the 6tate, nance t 1 t Service S. Secret Service il even than the diamond solitaires that adorned her ears. The detective's heart was throbbing wildly. He could scarcely contain himself. It was a case of love at first sight. The hot blood of the Italian was surging to his head. He was quite bewildered. Collecting his scattered senses he was soon able to convince the young woman that he was a man of conse quence, and that while their meeting was but casual, he was greatly de lighted because of the opportunity of fered to make het1 acquaintance. It was late in the evening when they bade each other good night with a promise to meet again on the arrival of the steamer at Fall kiver in the early morning. . Merito had not only discovered that Miss Brownie was lovely and fas cinating, but that she was frank, con fiding and truthful. She had nothing 'I'I'I \ W II W <$67?/ WXAf AUTHORITATIVE to conceal. He had learned every thing. She was a young and sensitive maiden who had courageously ven tured from her father's home with the purpose of meeting a much loved but wayward brother. How, then, could he help sympathizing with her? Even though his representations in regard to himself were falsely made for the purpose of obtaining her con fidence; he believed he was sufficiently shrewd to square himself with her at the proper time. As deception is ofttlmes a part of the detective's stock in trade, he thought there could be no great harm in it after all was understood. It seems that he Ujld her the secret of his being the sot of an Italian noble man of great wealth and that he was traveling: incog to gratify his curiosity. While the story he told was wholly false, he was quite good looking enough and sufficiently genteel in ap pearance to bear out the statement. From what occurred it was apparent that the young woman herself was somewhat impressed and quite uncer tain as to the true status of the de tective. Her story as told to Merlto appeared straightforward and truthful. Her mother was dead. Her father, al though in the enjoyment of a large in come, the result of frugality and well applied business transactions, was bowed down with grief and very much broken in health because of the way ward course of her darling brother. He had been led astray by evil asso A ntnn Via! n rr nurnnn/l V\*f f Via UitllCD auu tv ao uviu^ jjuioucu uj ciio government officers, who charged him with dealing In counterfeit money. To evade arrest he had forsaken his are open every day, and from the mid dle of November till the middle of March, every evening. They can hard ly be called schools, but rather recre ation classes. Under the teacher's direction the children play games, tell stories, sing, crochet, embroider, sew and so forth. In good weather they are taken out doors for games or walks. Each class has about thirty-five children in it, just enough for the teacher or guardian to handle comfortably. An Inspector vis Its the classes frequently and makes 0 home and fled to Canada, where she was expecting to meet him. Learning this, the detective was deeply interested, not only In the brother, but in the sister as well. In deed, she was the most attractive per son he had ever before met. TO his mind she was everything that a woman should be. Wealthy, educated and af fectionate, 3he was brave and roman tic enough to venture out alone and battle the cold world for the purpose of redeeming her wayward brother. So gentle and unassuming did she ap noflr thnf he* n/oa anro ohfi hflH ft M-W IT %M*J ^ ~ ? heart overflowing with love. ( As these thoughts came meandering through his brain he saw in his eager ness the opportunity of his life. He would somehow be instrumental In saving the brother and thus win the fair girl's gratitude?perhaps her love. He felt sure that he could trust to her generous heart to forgive him for de ceiving her by palming himself off as the son of a nobleman. When the couple arrived in Boston they went at once to the United States hotel, where they took breakfast to gether. The detective now thought Miss Brownie more fascinating than ever and at the first opportunity he threw discretion to the winds and be gan wooing in the most approved Italian style. Pressing his suit with an ardor more Impetuous than con ventional, he begged her to become his wife. It appears that her deep sorrow, her soft words, and above all, her tears, had quite bewildered him. Real beauty in distress was too much for the warm-blooded Latin, and he sur 1 // W " / y i,HEWOO?Dtt?/?/tf (lr//F M05TAPPROVED j /TAt/Atf 6TYl?. rendered unconditionally. In Impas sioned terms he declared his love and offered her his heart and hand. The young woman, although seem ingly overcome, was altogether too modest to accept. Somewhat taken back by this premature declaration, she was sufficiently self-poised to as sure him that he was pleasing to her and that she deeply appreciated his attention. But she could not take any decisive step in so important a mat ter without first consulting her father. She felt that it was her first duty to save her brother. To accomplish this she was ready to sacrifice life Itself. Merito, never at a loss for a sub terfuge, proposed to Interest himself and secure a condonement of her brother's offense through, the assist ance of the Italian consul at New York. This ray of light was present ed In fine Italian style and must have sounded hopeful to the ears of Miss Brownie. Her face now fairly beamed with joy as she assured him she would willingly give all she possessed in the world to effect such a result. sue promised to marry him should he succeed in saving her brother from prosecution for his past offenses. The day following this I received at my New York office a letter marked "personal," which read as follows: "United States Hotel, Boston, Mass. "My Dear Chief: "I write to inform you that I ar rived here this morning in company with the sister of Brownie. Through cunning I made her acquaintance and learned everything. She Is on the way to meet her brother Thomas. She tells me that he Intends to remain outside ' reports to the school authorities. The state provides all the materials for the games and work, and also pays for the luncheons. Base! has a population of 130,000. and last year 2,000 children were taken care of In these guardian schools. In addition to this work Ba- | sel has an organization known as the j "Play association," which looks after j games for young people. There Is also | another society, now 25 years old, J whose special business It is to give in- j struction to and provide recroation for j boys on Sundays and in the evenings. | of the United! States unless a compro mise can be affected. She says be has offered to furnish Information and will assist to break up the Miner gang of counterfeiters. If you will send me special authority and a guarantee that he will not be arrested I will go with his sister and coax him to come to New York. Please forward the pa pers to me here at once. , "Yours respectfully, "LOUIS MERITO." 'f The case was an important one and required my personal attention. If a compromise could be made that would result in the conviction of such men as Miner, I was anxious to make If T f/\ aimarfnfon/? It m VQP If Alt* A VUVOV tV OUp^iiUbVUU ?V *-*-? J ~ ? and the next train that left for Bos ton took me with it. When I arrived there on the following morning I went directly to the United States hotel, where I met a thoroughly astonished Italian. He was much surprised at my unexpected appearance. I soon learned enough to place me in possession of the facts in the case so far as the detective was concerned. I then demanded a personal interview with Miss Brownie, which was soon arranged. After introducing me to the lady, Merlto retired from the room, as had been previously agreed upon. I found myself in the presence of a tall and stately young woman, tastefully and fashionably dre^ped. She held in her hand a large fan which she wielded with consummate grace. I found her fully posted on the nature of my business. Inviting me to be seated, she began the conversation and explained to me her proposed trip to Montreal, where she hoped to meet her brother, Thomas Brownie. She had learned through a friend that her brother was anxious to quit counterfeiting and that he could, if given an opportunity, put the govern ment officers in a position to arrest a number of leading counterfeiters. She did not know the particulars, but was sure that her brother would, if per mitted to return to New York, render the government Important service. She said that her father had nearly Inaf hla jnlnH nn nnormnt nf the Of?t1nn of his son and that he was ready to undergo almost any sacrifice and pay any reasonable sum of money for the purpose of saving his boy. What she said was quite reasonable, and after questioning her for some time I had about come to the conclu sion that her offer, If carried out as promised, would be a good thing for the government. N j There were a number of counter felts then on the market and I was exceedingly anxious to break up the gang by arresting Its leaders and se curing the plates. The Miner gang had first and last cost the government a considerable sum of money. While talking over the details of the pro posed surrender I stepped to a win dow and raised the shade, upon which the sun suddenly shone forth, lighting up the room and casting its bright rays fully upon the face of the lady before me. Drawing my chair a little nearer and more In front of her I was enabled to look her straight in the face. My eyes resting on hers seemed to disconcert her. She blinked and turned her bead. I straightened up a J V? /M? OViA llLLItJ UIIU Dim CU Ql ucii ijug oiai lvu to rise. "Keep your seat," I commanded, in an authoritative tone. At this moment I saw defiance mingled with terror In her eyes. At first I had noticed nothing In her ap pearance or actions to create suspi cion. As was quite natural, she now seemed excited. This might have been attributed to a disturbed condi tion of her mind on account of the actions of her brother?a natural se quence under the circumstances. She again turned towards me and the sun shone upon her face. I at once de tected the work of an artist skilled in (he use of shades of paint. I noticed, too, that her hair had not the glossy appearance of natural growth. I was quite sure.she was In disguise. "Before this business goes any fur ther," I said, "I want you to remove your false hair and wipe the paint and powder from your face." I As I arose in front of her she start' ed up with an indignant glare and at* tempted to push me away. In a flash I reached for her chignon. Giving It a quick jerk, Its fastenings gave way and it rolled on the- carpet. There was no longer any use for conceal ment. Thomas Brownie stood before me. The game was up. There waii no more room for dodging. He began peeling off layer after layer of hhi feminine apparel. When he had fully disengaged himself from his dress maker's outfit he opened his traveling bag and proceeded to clothe himself in masculine attire. Merito, who had during this inter view remained in the hall, was now requested to come into the room. I handed him a pair of handcuffs and Brownie immediately put up his hands to receive them. He was completely done for and offered no further re sistance. In taking the trip on the steamer "Providence" and playing the part of a fascinating woman, it was not sur prising that Brownie was auie iu uupo the detective. As a gifted imper sonator he could reproduce to a nicety the tones and modulations of the de tective's voice. His description and imitation of the impassioned love scene that took place between himself and Merito was very entertaining. Brownie was too crafty and gifted a criminal to run at large. He was put on trial, convicted and sentenced to the Albany penitentiary for a term of fifteen years. Merito was so chagrined and over come on account of his escapade with Brownie that he lost his assurance and was unable to face his fellow of ficers. The last I heard of hlra ha was on the Pacific coast. Last year it had 24,000 children under Its care. All of which goes to show that American cities might learn some good lessons from Switzerland and her cities.?Advance Magazine. Handsome Footwear in Russia. All Russians have a weakness for handsome footwear, and the result is that there are mere pairs of showy boots worn In the czar's empire than anywhere else on earth. This prefer ence extends to the women as well aa to the men. WANTS HER LETTER PUBLISHED For Benefit of Women who Suffer from Femele Ills dr Minneapolis, Minn.?"I was a great sufferer from female troubles which caused a weakness and broken down condition of the system. I read so much of whatLrdla E. Pinkham'B veg etable Compound had done for othex suffering women I felt sure it would help me, and I most say it did help me wonderfully. My - pains all left me, I , [Tew stronger, and within three months .. was a perfectly well woman. "I want this letter made public to * - /?i- _ j BIIOW Tine Dtjnent women xuay uerira from Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound."?Mrs. JomrG. Mold ax, 8115 Second St, North, Minneapolis,, Minn. . Thousands of unsolicited and genu* ine testimonials like the above prore the efficiency of Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound, which is made exclusively from roots and herbs. Women who suffer from those dis tressing ills peculiar to their sex should not lose sight of these facts or doubt the ability of Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound to restore their health. If you want special advice wztte to Mrs. Pinkfaam, at Lynn, Mass* ShewUltreatyourletterasstrictly confidential. For 20 years she has been helping sick women In this way, free of charge. Don't liMltAtA?irrftA At nnivt. HIS "STOVE UP" HORSE CURED. Gektlbiiek:?Our dellrery horse vra? bo badly stoTc tip labia fore leg and thoulder that we could not use him. By using Mex " I Mustang on him he was com pletely cured and restored to the best of condi don. Yours trolr, Nbw Berks, N.C. JOHN fc. FISHER. Thaf 8 the kind of work Mexican Mustang Liniment is doing every day. No injury so severe but that this old reliable remedy can relieve it. 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Sherman, Texas You Indoor People must give the bowels help. Your choice must lie between harsh physic and c&ndy Cascarets. Harshness makes the bowels callous, so you need in creasing doses. Cascarets do just as much, but in a gentle way. Vest-pocket box, 10 cents?at dru? stores. 851 Each tablet of the genuine is maricea ITCH CURED IN 30 MINUTES, Br One Application of ' Dr. David's Sanative Wash We guarantee DR. DAVID'S SANATIVE WASH to oure any case of Itch In 30 min utes, If used according to direction*, or we will refund your money. If your Dog has Scratches or Mange Dr. David'* Sanative Wash will euro him at once. Price, 50 Cents a Bottle It cannot be mailed. Delivered at your nearest Azpress office free, upon receipt of 75 cents. OWENS & MINOR DRUG CO. Richmond Virginia IVIlfa 0 * toll jrou how; and p*7 b?it Dark*! prleM. Writ* for nt*raaca* and WMkly price JX?t. M. SA3EL & SONS, MCIBVU1X, X f. D??Jtn la Para, Hldti, Wool. KitablUbod l?i6. tsssssg ?W iZ32? i for Coughs 5 Colds ^