The Abbeville press and banner. (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, August 03, 1910, Image 6
f A BB12& F
I BY ELLA AM DID
Author ol 'The Smueg!ei
Aldi IUGHT
CHAPTER XJ. 11
Continued.
"Where are we going?" T inquired.
"We are going back to New York.
Once I get there safely. I shall consult
the proper authorities how best
to deal with this thing. It doesn't
matter to irie whom I go with so loug
as I get there, and since your friend
Vjai'o wifhnnf vnlih'nn nf
Lriuu&uw IklKZ UCl ^ nivuvuv
my own I have felt it but right he
should pay all expenses and take me
home. I have no money, nor have T
sent home for any. And I expect
every comfort when traveling that
should be given a Lady of my age."
HavfDg thus stated her wishes, she
looked at the clock.
"We have still twenty minutes before
the gate opens," she remarked.
"Very well," I agreed; '"but I
should like to telegraph to my wife,
who will expect me back at the
hotel."
"Poor deluded young woman,"
said my companion. "Telegraph by
all means, but I shall go with you."
"Would you mind telling me your
name?" I hazarded. "Since we are
to travel together, perhaps it would
be more satisfactory."
"I am Miss scnuyjer, sne repueu.
''Miss Harriet Schuyler."
I dropped the bandbox and stared
incredulous.
"Miss Harriet Schuyler?" J. ejaculated.
"Aunt Harriet?"
"I don't know why you shoul1 call
me 'Aunt,' young man," she returned,
"but I am Miss Harriet Schuyler.
Pick up my box."
Instead, I grasped her hands and
squeezed them fervently. Never in
my life had I been so glad to see any
one. and I said so.
"Tell me all about, it," I begged.
"Tell me all about it."
Aunt Harriet's story was briefly
thus:
She had gone that stormy night to
' ? * i _t ? i.^.1
.see ner nepnew, Decause sut vvanteu
to surprise him. I was quite familiar
with all details of the expedition up
' ' 3o the time she disappeared into
Starr's room, but from that pont I
listened with breathless attention.
"And when I went into that room,"
6he solemnly stated, "I found it was
not Bertie at all, but a vile imposter
who had wormed his way into the affections
of the family by false pretenses.
I told him what I thought
of him, and what I proposed to do
about it.*'
I gathered that the interview had
been i/npleasant for Starr, but was
careful to express no sympathy for
him. Nor, indeed, did I feel any.
We had all suffered from his escapade,
and just retribution was but
his due. Aunt Harriet said Starr had
blustered at first and tried to insist
that he was the missing Bertie, but
she "soon brought him to his senses."
He then became very meek and humble,
and proposed that he should go
home with her and confess to Mrs.
Schuyler-Smythe what he had done.
Had she but known that when Starr
is apparently most amenable to reason
he is always to be distrusted, pero
nc? olirt rifAii]/I Tirtf liovo liim
UVl liU IV AUIIUM V,U UIUI
so confidingly downstairs.
"He brought up bis friend, Mr.
Ferguesson," she said, "and they both
seemed to be such polite young fellows
Jhat I felt downright sorry I
must expose him to Mildred, but of
course I could not let her marry an
impostor."
"Of course not," I conceded.
"We got in a cab," she continued;
"Mr. Ferguesson came inside with
me, and Mr. Starr went on the box.
After a while we stopped and I saw
we were on the dock. They told me
there was congestion of traffic owing
to a fire, and it would be better for
us to go round by ferry. The next
thing I knew we were off. I sat
and waited for a while, but nobody
came n6ar me. We seemed to be a
long time getting round, but I had
heard ferries were slow boats, although
I did not know very much
about them. It seemed to me ages
passed, then Mr. Ferguesson came
in, looking perfectly distracted and
using language that was a disgrace.
He said we were aboard the steamer
bound for Boston."
Aunt Harriet here swallowed several
times audibly. It seemed as
though her feelings were getting the
better of her. Indeed, she was so
absorbed in her recital that she did
not notice the New York train was
called, and I did not bring it to her
attention.
"We had a mo6t unpleasant trip,"
she resumed, "for I was very ill, and
your friend was entirely without sympathy.
Strange to say, there was a
good stateroom reserved for me, but
Mr. Ferguesson had to get what sleep
he could in the cabin. We arrived in
Boston and went to the Fremont
House. I had no money, my black
bag having been stolen, and he said
he had but very little. I did not believe
him, of course, and insisted upon
the best hotel. I demanded that
he should tal:e me back to New
York, and thr satined to call in the
police. In short, I have made it as
disagreeable for him as .1 possibly
could."
I remembered Randy's harassed expression,
and thought it probable
that the trip had been anything but
agreeable for hiin.
"And this?" I inquired, lifting
the bandbox.
"Oh, that's Aiiclphus, my Mans
cat. I had hirr. under ray cloak, you
know. He always sots everywhere
with me. The stewardess on the boat
gave me the box for him. Poor dear,
he does dislike tc travel, and so do
I."
Finally I prevailed upon Mi>r
Schuyler to return to ths Fr.'.moni
House, and on the way back I told,
lier my own story. Also I'audy's?
cr as uiucli of it as 1 could Jjuasine.
^ ! fc
:OR rA5LY. S
o I
L.ETON 7YBOUT, ]E
./' "Poketown People," Etc. A
o b:
S RESERVED.,
O w
POTT COMPANY, rhilndeliphift Ta. ? w
?????m
tr
I also prepared her mind to meet
Julie Sc-huyler. and thought it prob- SI
able that the meeting might be some- ^
what like Greek encountering Greek. ai
To my surprise. Aunt Harriet simply a?
chuckled \Vhen 1 reached the point p(
in my story where her niece had jj,
forced us to come to Boston.
"Going to look up her lover, was , sj.
she?" she said. "Red-haired little jj(
minx?a chip of the old block, Mr. w
Leigh, and bound to gain her own
ends by some means or other." c0
They were all gathered in the 01
lobby when we reached the house?
Nancy. Julie Schuyler and Fergues- M
son. plainly expecting us. Randy
rushed forward and relieved me of
the bandbox. aI
"Allow me." he cried. "I feel lots f0
more at home with it than without
it."
"Julie Schuyler." remarked Aunt
Harriet, "com - right upstairs and
tell me all about it.'' gj
Ferguesson told us his story as ar
soon as they disappeared. He said f0
Starr had insisted upon getting into ^
the cab which he (Randy) had
brought Nancy back in. and which rj(
was to convey his lady and himself
to church. Neither Starr nor Fer|
guesson would give up the cab. and ex
I finally they agreed to take Aunt Har- jQ(
riet in also, and decide what to do w;
with her enroute. so
"You see.'' remarked Randy. "I!
felt sorry for Starr. He and Mildred ~
were going to be married that night J1
also, and here was Aunt Harriet but- ?
ting in and spoiling everything. Starr
had engaged passage for Boston, and 0
we thought it would be a master
I stroke of genius to put the old lady
I aboard in his place and simply ship aE
I her off. She couldn't get back under
i three days, and by that time everyt
thing would be all right. Of course
it was not usual for the steamer to ed
sail in the evening, but for some rea- st'
son or other it went at that time and ga
everything seemed propitious."
"Yes," said Nancy; "but why did
111
you go with her?" ""
Ferguessou said he had not had *
the least idea of going, hut that Starr e
requested him to explain that the
stateroom reserved for Mr. and Mrs. ^
Starr would be transferred to Miss
Schuyler, for they wished things to
be as comfortable as possible. While
he was arranging it Starr quietly got sa
off and the steamer started. The rest
we knew.
"We arranged to leave Boston last se'
night," he concluded, "but I hadn't fo
mentioned it to the clerk, because I 1
had not very much money with me ^
and he had already refused my check. w<
I was going tib send it when I got ke
home. That was why I wanted five e*
hundred dollars, because Aunt Har- N<
riet was a very expensive companion, *'r
and T never knew what wa^ going to ve
turn up."
He sat silent for a time, apparently du
lost in retrospection. , 'n
"I've had a parrot-and-monkey
time," remarked Randy briefly.
"That blanked cat!" \ tr<
ha
CHAPTER XII.
We all went home the next morn- ea
ing, and Randy and 1 took turns in an
carrying the bandbox. Aunt Harriet in
had subsided into a rather genial sa
- - - - - - - - - - A ^
old lady, with a keen appreciation 01
a joke. Although she insisted she S*
had many things to settle with Starr, ru
we felt that she might in time be ou
propitiated, and all united in making
much of her. er
I It was agreed that we should go to ha
our old rooms and there procure a aE
I minister, in order that Randy might 1)3
be married without further delay. aE
"For," said Aunt Harriet, with a ev
twinkle in her eye, "he ought to have
some reward. 1 made his life pretty
miserable. I can tell you."
At a public telephone booth in m
Jersey City Station Aunt Harriet St
paused. aB
"I might just as well telephone to
police headquarters that I'm all ?1
right,'' she remarked. "What idiots it
you were to imagine I couldn't take
care ol myself anyhow! I suppose ar
that unfortunate Mr. Casey will be 011
glad to get out and tell you all his
opinion of you." be
We laughed rather faintfy. I, for
one, had no curiosity to hear Casey's aI
opinion, although I did not doubt he
would be glad to express it. ru
We went gaily enough up the long th
i flights of stairs, but at the top Nancy at
I paused, her hand on the door of our th
I living-room. lo
'I hear voices." she said.
We all listened?Aunt Harriet most ; Cs
intently. th
"Yes, and I know them, too." she ai
said grimly, and, flinging open the th
door, marched in. while we trailed h?
along after her in single file, somewhat
suggesting: the tail of a comet. w
I don't realiy think I was sur- la
prised when Starr rose and greeted A1
me. My capacity for surprises had ?<
been taced to the utmost, so 1 merely st
looked inquiringly at a hat with a ca
long white feather that lay on the
table.
"Oh, yes, * said Starr; "that be- al
longs to Mrs. Starr. I'll present you. a'
| Mildred!" to
But Mildred did not answer, for she w
was being pressed to Aunt Harriet's I)(
velvet bosom and speech was impossi'ole.
I looked again at Starr and
was surprised to see that he was in
evening dress, slightly the worse for di
wear and with a wilted carnation in b<
his buttonhole. I determined that
explanations were in order. b<
"Starr," I said severely, "last nigV. tl
you were in Boston."
"So were you," he retorted. Starr sc
was seldom at a loss for an appropriate
answer, but 1 did not think tr
this remark worth noticing. Mildred ft
here broke into thr conversation,
her arms around Aunt Harriet and , c;
their cheeks prcaied together. j a
i
"Oh Sear!" she said, "can you ever
rgive us? "We had to do it. Aunty,
ideed we did. for Stanford and I
ist couldn't wait any longer to be
arried. and you would have interred.
He told me all about it, and
knew he wasn't the Bertie Starr you
lought him. So I didn't marry any
npostor after all. And, dearest
unty. we went to Boston right away
f train to meet you; we were at the
3ck in a hack when the boat came
. but Stanford said Mr. Ferguesson
as taking such good care of you that
e were not needed. Thank you so
uch. Mr. Ferguesson, for all your
ouble."
She smiled graciously, and Randy
ailed also; he never could resist the
andishments of a pretty woman,
id Mildred was certainly very lovely
; she tried to explain the outrageous
;rformance of her newly acquired
isband.
"I'm so sorry about everything,"
le continued, including us all in
?r apologetic glance. "You see,
e were so happy together, we never
lought about anybody else. And of
mrse we didn't read the newspapers
i our honeymoon?who does? At
"C. Titr. q c TW r onrl
rs. Arthur Smith, for Stanford said
? thought it would be sweet to be
st to the world for just a few days,
id I thought so too. But we never
r a minute forgot you, dear Aunt !
arriet, did we, Stanford?"
'Not for an instant," he corrobor- j
ed solemnly.
"And last night, Aunty, for the
st time, Stanford read a newspaper
id he saw there was a warrant out
r his arrest for killing you?just
ink how horrid! So we consulted
>out it and I said we ought to go
ght away to the Frewont House and
it you in the flesh. We went there
stead of going to the theatre as we
pected, and Stanford got out and
oked through the crack of the door,
itching for you and Mr. Ferguesn."
"I saw him," remarked Julie
huyler, "and oh! how I wanted to
t hold of him!"
"We had hired a red touring car
r a week," resumed Mildred, "and
sat in it and waited while he
itched. Suddenly he rushed out
id said he was being followed."
"It was you, Billy," interpolated
arr, "and there was blood in your
e. I didn't trust you? So I shoutto
the chauffeur to take us to, the
ation and leave us there, but we
t caught in that crush. I jumped
it and Mildred came too, and we
;nt the rest) of the way on foot,
ist as we got to the station the
jw York train was called and we
cided to come home. That's all."
"Not quite all," said Mildred. "A
eadful thing happened to me. J
st my wedding ring."
"I'll get you another," promised
arr. But his bride shook her head
dly.
"It won't be the same at all. No
her could ever take its place. You
e," she explained, turning to Nancy
r sympathy, "it was too large and
dropped it. Stanford stepped on
and mashed it out of shape; so
i tied it in the corner of my handrchief
until we could go to a jewler
and get it straightened out.
)w I've lost handkerchief and all.
n sure it's a bad omen, and I'm
ry unhappy about it."
I fumbled in my pocket and proiced
the handkerchief I had found
the motor the previous night, with
: little crushed ring in the corner.
"Cheer un." I said; "you won't be
Dubled by any omens at all," and
nded it to her with a flourish.
While we were all talking at once,
ch going over different experiences
d much inclined ',o view everything
the light of a huge joke, now it was
fely over, a shadow darkened the
orway. and Nancy looked up. She
,ve' a little shriek and stopped abptlv,
while Julie Schuyler laughed
trlght.
It was Casey in the door?Casey,
im and forbidding of aspect, his
iir even more rampant than usnnl,
id bearing in his hands the black
g Aunt Harriet had left in her cab,
id which had been the root of all
il as far as I wa3 concerned.
"I'm afraid I intrude," said Casey,
th austere sarcasm.
He got no further, for as though
oved by a simultaneous impulse
arr and Ferguesson rushed to him
>d seized his hands.
'You'll make your home with us,
d fellow," cried Starr; "we have
all settled."
Randy moved Casey's unresponsive
m up and down as though vigorisly
pumping.
"No, indeed," he said; "old Casey
longs to us?eh, Julie?"
I wone to tne pian 01 campaign ana
iproved it.
"Where do we come in?" I interred,
taking possession of his
nmb, which was the only spot availile
just then. "One of the first
ings we decided was that Casey benged
to us."
"It's all very well " began
isey, unappeased, but got no furer.
for the girls pushed us one side
id bore him resisting but helpless to
e couch. They relieved him of his
it and coat (or rather my hat and
at that I had bequeathed him), and
henever he tried to speak they all
ughed and talked together. They
jttered round him like so many
lily plumaged birds, and after a
ruggle to maintain his dignity Casey
ipitulated and laughed.
"Tell me all about it," he said.
We told him in sections, sometimes
1 talking at once, and sometimes
lowing Aunt Harriet or Ferguesson
i have the floor undisturbed, for it
as generally conceded that their ex
M'ience bad been the most interestt
b'
"And to-night," said Ferguesson,
we art- going to have a real we.6ing
here. Casey, and you shall be
2st man."
Casey rose and brought out a dusty
:>ttle or so from his pantry under
le table.
"Randy," he said, "go out and get
mie lemons. I'll make the punch."
Mildred returned the black bag
> Aunt Harriet, and the girls pro ssed
much curiosity to see inside.
"For." said Julie Schuyler, "bemse
of that bag. Aunty, 1 spent
night in the police station. What
in the world did you carry in It toe*
side money?"
Aunt Harriet drew forth a package
and opened it. Some wilted greea
sprigs fell to the floor, and she regarded
them ruefully.
"''It was catnip for Adolphus," she
said, "but he never even got a smell
of it, poor dear, and now it's withered
up to nothing."
Well, we had what Nancy called a
real proper wedding, and Casey was
best man and made the punch.
Everybody kissed the bride, and when
it came to my turn she laughud a
little shyly.
"I was a horrid little cat to you,"
she said. "Please forget it."
"Very well. Julie Smith," I re-;
turned, "provided you never allow
your husband to writs verses."
We sent for Mrs. Stubbs, and when
she appeared in our midst we cheeped
her and drank her health, which embarrassed
her so much she forgot
to ask inconvenient questions. No
one was more merry or more thoroughly
enjoyed herself than Awnt
Harriet.
"I never heard of such a thing,"
she kept repeating. "Find a wife for
Mr. Casey indeed, and just look here
at the six of you!"
Mildred approached her anl I
heard an anxious whisper. '
"Never you mind, dear," was the
answer; "I'll attend to your mother.
Welcomc at home again? Well, I
should think so?you and Julie too.
Don't you worry."
We didn't any of us worry over
anything, and Randy apologized very
nanasomciy ior ooriowjiyj my nug.
He would return it next day, he said,
and actually did so.
Then Casey mad? a 'speech. He
sa4d that as a mattor of fact wa all
owed our present state of blifs to
him alone, for if he had not decided
to get married we should hav.j remained
unhappy bachelors. He ventured
the suggestion that when next
we prepared to elope it would bs advisable
to confide in one another, but
of course we must do as we thought
best about such matters. He had
not presumed to inquire what our
plans for the future were, nor had
we mentioned them. He much appreciated
our keen desire to have .
him form part of our households, but
as said households seamed to him
rather sketchy "nd unsubstantial he
believed he would continue to patron- .
ize Mrs. Stubbs's top floor, wherei he ,
begged to assure us, we should al- t
ways |)e welcome. And now, as we *
were all otherwise engaged, he want- I .
a,1 (n eav tVint i ( wnnlH jrivp him ST P. ft t I
pleasure to return Miss \ Harriet
Schuyler to her sister's house, and
hoped he would he allowed to carry
the bandbox and thus make the acquaintance
of Adolphua. He declined,
however, to enter a cab.
Nancy and I went down to the hall
door wita them and watched Casey
and Aunt Harriet disappear around
the corner. Her little hands were
clasped around my arm, and we lingered
there alone a few moments
before rejoining the merry party
upstairs.
t "Isn't it wonderful?" she said
softly. "Just think, Billy, you and
J are married. I haven't had time
to realize jt before."
"All the time for years to come
just to be happy in," I said, but
Nancy shook her head.
"No, dear," she said, "there will c
be clouds as well as sunshine. But ( ?
if we find the silver lining we shan't }
mind, shall we?" , '
"We'll always remember it is there, 1
Nancy."
We stood silently a moment, then
Nancy spoke very gently.
"To-morrow we will go to Philadelphia
and see Daddy. I've teleI
graphed, for I know he wants mo.
He'll like to have ue Jive with bim."
"Dear," I said, "we'll go anc. see
him by all means, but we'll oome
back here where my vrork is. I want
my wife all to mycelf, Nancy."
| The End.
Not Applicable,
i Bleeker?"What's the matter, old
I man? You look like an illustration
of a hard-luck story."
Meeker?"Domestic troubles. Had
a scrap with my wife this morning."
Bleekcr ? "Oh, don't-let a little
thing liko that worry you. A thunderstorm
clears the atmosphere, you
know."
Meeker ? "Yes, tut that doesn't
help a man who has been struck by
lightning."?Chicago News.
Gymnastics in Grccce.
The Athenian, whose aim was
grace and ease of demeanor, found
in his pleasant gymnastic exercises
all that would tend to make him lithe
and agile in movement, as well as
erect and dignified in bearing, for
the harmonious development of all
the faculties ar.u powers, by suitable
and regular oxercisc, was the leading
fact In education at the best period
of Grc-cian history.?New York Press.
London Literary Note.
Mrs. Harriet Beecher Stowe ou
June 14 celebrated the ninety-oighth
anniversary of her birth. Fifty-nine
years ngo Mrs. Stowe sent into the
world a work tnat naa a lar greater .
effect than any other on the progress
and destiny of America.?Publishers'.
Circular. t
i
Half a Mile of Roses. 1
Half a mile of roses! Tiiere is such
a sight at the Payne Whitney estate,
Manhasset, L. I. It is composed mostly
of single wild roses like t'.ie Carolina
and prairie rose, aud is therefore
attractive in winter as well as sum- {
iner by reason of the red stems aud
hips.?Garden Magazine.
Between Times.
"Look here, Jane, it seems to mo |
that you're asking for more money
all the time."
I "Tlint'c n rlplnsiriTl .Tnlin. dcaV. If
! you'll think a minute, you'll realize
that I'm spending it, part of the \
lime."?Cleveland' Leader.
At present the monastery of St. J y
Barnard costs ctbotit ?'.'000 a. year to l
keep up. This money is partly col- t
lee led in Switzerland and partly de- a
rived from the revenue of the monr.s- \
tic order. a
- t * r v
World's Most F
I
6LENN H.
New Egg Beater. 1
An effective egg beater that is opiated
in a simple and novel manner
s that invented by a Connecticut man.
3y merely pulling a flexible cord atached
to the drum of the implement
he blades are made to revolve both
pays with great rapidity. The beater
Cord Acts as a Spring.
:onsists of a hollow receptacle with a
[rum inside and a step bearing in the
K>ttom for the support of the revolvng
member. The blades are bent
vires, as shown in the "illustration.
FIND Ml
.V
' Hans It!-There go my. hat ana my "v
?- 'tfHfc
r-* I
"A hf therea.my hat, but where the
New Washing Machine.
Washing is hard work at best, and
iverything that helps to make It easer
is of interest to almost all women,
vhether they have to do the work or
11 ^
P 7/
*=* I I
tot. .'v Wisconsin lima has invented
i washing machine that lightens the
irashwoinan's labors to a great extent
ind insures the clothes gett.lnp: a thor
^ - {' ' r. 'f*' ' 'fTK
amous Aviator.
CURTISS.
Around the top of the dram is wound
a flexible cord. The eggs are placed
in the receptacle and the cord is
pulled to its full length, thus causing
the blades to revolve rapidly in the
mixture. The momentum thus gained
AAMflAci fn T-AWinH O hmif thfl
taUDCO tuc V/Vl U tv 1 v muu MMV % ?
drum, and when it is again drawn out
the blades revolve in the opposite direction
and the cord winds up once
more. This double action continues
indefinitely, or as long as is necessary
to operate the beater to do the work.
?Boston Post.
The Salmon's Ways.
I have had ample opportunity of
watching salmon all my life, from the
time they enter fresh water till their
return to the sea, and I have given
close attention to the subject, and
have no hesitation in stating that during
the salmon's sojourn in fresh
water it does not require to feed. s It
does seem strange, of course, that a
fish coming up a river in October in
prime condition remains there fO|
seventeen months, and returns to the
Sea without having tasted food; nevertheless,
it is true. Many people do
not believe this, and no doubt there
will be a considerable'number of that
opinion for many years to come.?
Prom P. D. Malloch's "Life History
and Habits of the Salmon."
IS WIGS
.fix
<&y\
cik
1A. n
i deuce is iay wijJ'!
ough stirring. The apparatus consists
of a tub with a central shaft
running through a smaller vessel in
the bottom. This smaller vessel revolves.
Running down through the
oover of the tub is a plunger fitted
with a heavy pounding and suction
device. Both the pounder and the
central shaft are operated by gearing
when a wheel at the side of the tub is
turned. The inner vessel, which contains
the clothee, revolves and the
pounder moves up and down an^ J
churns the contents of the tub up and
around, getting the clothing w?U
soaked and soaped. It is a big im
? ~ ? t- Vi/i r>l/1 mothnri of Stir
jjruveiuuiic ua tut
ring the clothes around with a stick.
What Every Joornulist Knows.
Nice Old Lady?"Will you kindly
tell ine if the lady who writes 'The
Mother's Page* every week in your
paper is in? I want to tell her how
much I have enjoyed reading her
articles on 'The Evening Hour in the
Nursery.' "
Office Boy?"That's him over there
with the pink shirt smokin'a pipe."?
Minneapolis Tribune.
t
With the Funny\
No Knot Holes.
Stone -walls do sot a prison make*
Such is the poet't claim, r
'And I, for one, shall never take *
Exception to the same.
They may not make a prison, but
This much I bid you mark:
Stone walls are awful things to put
^ Around a baseball park.
?Washington Herald*
Couldn't Risk It.
Husband?"Did you hunt up tb?
new cook's references?"
Wife?"No, John, I didn't. I was
afraid they might prove prejudicial."
^?Harper's Bazar. ^ y
Sceptical.
Little Girl?"Look, Auntie, there's- I
a poor man with a wooden .leg. Can't I
I give him a penny?" B
Aunt?"Certainly not, dear. I fl
have no doubt he's an imposter."? I
Punch. H .
All in the Family. H
First Fair Autoist?"Did you hav* R
to pay any damages to that man you gjf
ran over?" H
Second Fair Autoist?"No. For- M
tunately, he was my husband."? Si
Jewish Ledger. 9|
Nothing Lost. x T H
"You can't beat system." SB
"How now?" H
"I understand the traction interest* H
throughout the country get a proflfc H
from melting down the lead monejj ? Hj
:aken in."?Washington Herald. , M
Grouchy. 8
? ' *'"
Simkins?"Ob, sir! Was that at QM
banana peel you slipped on?"
Crabb?"Did ye think it was a.
piece ?f sandpaper?"?New York Hg
Telegram. G9
?? BM
A Lick and a Flick.
Mr. Hubb?"The intelligence office Bfl
manager told me that our new girl BHj
was once an actress." flH
Mrs. Hubb-*-"I believe it. She IB
dusts the furniture exactly as the ^
soubrette does on the stage."?Bos- I I
ton Transcript. /Jjkii*'
On the Wrong Tack. / 96
"I'll tell the public that everybody BB
ought to see this play," said the press Hfl
agent.
"Don't do that," replied the mana- BH
ger. "The plays people flock to see
ire those they oughtn't to."?Wash- EH
tngton Evening Star.
On Her Dignity.
"I should like a, drink of water,""
said the young man politely.- HB
"You'll have to wai' until mother
mmoR HnwnRtatirs." said the younr MHS
lady haughtily. "I want you to nnderstand
that I never go into
kitchen."?Detroit Free Press 901
Hard to Please.
'Did Bliggins enjoy himself at thebanquet?"
'
"I'm afraid not., He was scared all BH
evening at the ^possibility of being
called on for a speech, and when
was over resented the fact that he
was overlooked."?Washington Star.
A Hastier.
Charitable Person?"I thought yoc
were blind." HB
Beggar?"Well, cap, times is so ^B0
hard just now and competition is so
keen even a blind man has to keei>
his eyes open nowadays if he wants
to do anything at all."?Broklyn Life. BH
To Stay With the Old Man. mHB
"Come in doors immediately !"H^8
called a nurse to a small boy whoseH^R
father was going out. "You won't go
to heaven if you're so naughty."
"I don't want to go to heaven," was^^H
the aggrieved reply; "I want to go^^Hj
-with father!" ? Philadelphia Inqui-^^H
Restraint.
"So you think a woman has a senseHaM
humor."
"Yes," replied Miss Cayenne. "But^HH
she has schooled lierself to supprees^|H|
it. Common politeness forbids
woman to laugh every time her hus-^HH
band says or does nomething ridicu-^HH
lous."?Washington Star. fiRHK
Just the Same. jREB
"Yes. we all get the benefits olflHfl
mountain climbing here," says tb^^^Hj
man with the fringed whiskers.
"Mnnntaln rlimhinff?" asks th(SH
man who has just arrived.
there isn't a hill ten feet high witbii^^^S
twenty miles." Km^B
' I know: but we sleep on the fiftl^HH
.loo!' and there is no elevator.''?
Judge.
Another Matter. jH^H
"I tell you. my dear hoy, I stand oi^nS|
>ny rights. I believe a man shoul^^^H
r><? the master in his own house." ABflj
"Of course, that's all right.
>rhat I want to know is if you are a^HHB
lowed to smoke in the parlor?"?BaflHH
iiuorr: American.