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r ' 5? * ' i A TOB01 t _ V/y. By A1NN1E + CHAPTER I. 1 The Wine in the Grape Flower. ' Spain or Clapham'?. A brand-new Clapham villa, all dust, dullness and decorum, witb "Mr. Augustus Jones" upon the brand-new doorplate. A drawing room, like one's life, oppressively stiff and uninteresting; dining room to match; husband to match?everything to match! Amusement, pleasure, play, the qulck-coursing blood, the jollity, the "go" of existence?nowhere. So much for Clapham. And Spain? Spain, just across the Pyrenees there?Spain, whence the warm wind1 blows on Belinda's face at this moment?what of that alternative? An uninteresting hushand to start with, so much in common have futurity's chances both? but not a stiff, not a dull one. A Kenial little human creature in the twiin is Maria Jose de Seballos, wine merchant and commission agent of Seville, unburdened, 'tis true, by superfluity of Intellect, but light of step In waltz and cachuca. and singing tenor love songs passably; his swarthy fingers too beringed. his swarthy locks to beragamoted for the very finest taste; his diet overtending somewhat toward garlic; and still, If but by virtue of his Spanish picturesqueness, less vulgar far than Mr. Augustus Jones, of Clapham. What would life be by his side? Belinda crosses her arms, shakes her head philosophically, yawns a little, thfen casts herself full length on the turf, in one of those attitudes of delicious Southern laziness which Murillo's beggar children have made familiar to us, and, gazing up through the'branches of the cork trees at the intense small-blue of the sky above, begins to meditate. Sunburned as a maize in June, uni shackled bodiiy and mentally by rule ' is any young gitana who roams the mountains yonder, through what contradictory whim of fortune c^ime Belinda O'Shea by this high-sounding same of hers? A name reminding )ne irretistibly of the musk and nillefleurs of boudoirs, of Mr. Pope's rerses, china teacups, rouge, pearl oowder, artifice! She will be seventeen in a month or two, but possesses 'ew of the theoretic charms assigned Dy poets and novel writers to that ige. Her hands and feet aro disproportionately large for her slender limbs, her waist is straight but formless, her gait and gestures are masculine?no, not that either; to eyes that can read aright the girl is as full of potential womanly grace as is *he grape hower of wine, and still I lare not call her "feminine," as people of the North or of cities understand the word. She can play paume, the national Basque fives or rackets, with any gamin of her stature in St. Jean de Luz; in the excitement of the sport will show hot blood like her comrades?occasionally, indeed, say at some disputed point of a set match, will be tempted into using a very mild gamin's expletive or two; she can row, she can swim, she can whistle. But through her great dark eyes, poor, forsaken Belinda, the softest girlish soul still looks out at you with pathetic incongruity, and though her vocabulary be not choice, she possesses heaven's great gift to her sex, a distinctly, excellently feminino voice. Of her possible beauty r' some future time we will not nospeak. She is in the chrysalis or ho", bledehoy stage, when you may an day see a skinny, sallow, ugly duckling of a girl turn into a pretty one, like a transformation in a Christmas piece. Eyes, mouth, feet, hands?all look too big for Belinda at present; and as to her raiment, her tatterprl frock, her undarned?no, I must really enter a little upon the antecedents :::'\yof my heroine's life before I make " known these details in all the disgraceful nakedness of fact to the publie To begin with, the blood of earls , *nd kings (Hibernian kings) runs in her veins. Her mother, the Lady - 'Blizabeth Vansittart. fifth daughter of the Earl of Liskeard, at the roman' tic age of forty-one, fell in love with and married a certain fascinating t Irish spendthrift, Major Cornelius ,0'Shea, whom she met accidentally at a Scarborough ball; endured the negand worse than neglect, of her hand9omo husband, for the space oi two years; then, happily for herself poor soul, died, leaving Cornelius the father of one baby daughter, the Belinda of this little history. Why Major O'Shea, an easy-tempered, easy-principled soldier of fortune, no longer himself in the freshest bloom of youth?why O'Shoa i;: tho first instance should have beer, at the pains to woo his elderly Lad} Elizabeth, no one could tell, excepl that she was Lady Elizabeth, anc that interest, that ignis fatuus ol ruined men, might be supposed to li< dormant in the Earl, her father's family. Whatever his motives, wha* ever his matrimonial disappointments, the Major, even his bcs friends allowed, behaved himseli creditably on his wife's death. Wore a band that all but covered his hat swore never again to touch a carc or dicebox (nor broke his oath fo; three weeks), and wrote a letter ful not only of pious but of well-worde. sentiments to his father-in-law, fron whom,"despite many touching allu sions to the infant pledge left behind by their sainted Elizabeth, he received, I must say, but a curt ant pompous dozen linen in reply. Then his duties as widower discharged Cornelius cast about him to see hov> he should best perform tiioso of z r. Tte sum of three thousand pounds. Lady Elizabeth's slender for tune, was settled inalienably 0:1 the child. "Me little one is not a pauper en tirely," O'Siiea would say, with tear. iut . 1 o<>o?o?o*o <> <?<??? ? ? ? I HEROINE j f p e ?' a EDWARDS. \\1| 1 ^sgi : in his good-looking Irish eyes. "If jj Providence in its wisdom should be pleased .to sign my recall to-morrow, me angel Belinda would have her . 1 mothers' fortune to stand between 1 her and starvation." . ! And so until she had reached the ' ' age of seven "me angel Belinda" was .( indifferently boarded at the rate of . about forty pounds a year and no ' holidays in a Cork convent. Then . O'Shea brought his face and lineage > once more .to the marriage market, on this occasion winning no faded scion ^ of nobility, but the still- blooming widow of a well-to-do London law- p ! yer, and Belinda, for the first time b ; since her birth, had to learn the .. 1 meaning?bitterer than sweet, poor : little mortal, in her case?of the ^ word home. The second Mrs. O'Shea was a wo- j man whom all the ladies of her acqu?.intance called ''sweet'?you know a f the kind of human creature she must g ! be. A blond skin, the least in the world inclined to freckle, blond hair, j; blond eyelashes, eye of a dove, voice 1 of a dying zephyr. A sweet little ^ ' woman, a dear little woman, an ad- ^ mirably well dressed and, what is Q more, a well conducted little woman; ^ but?not fond of children. Belinda's small body nourished on ^ the accustomed roast mutton and rice ^ pudding of the English nursery, and * A 1 1U C ner SOUl?eager, lerveui, uuugi; m- . tie soul that it was?was left to , starve! With all .the might of her ardent, keenly strung nature, Belinda, f, throughout those early years, of isolation and neglect, loved her father. Little enough she saw of him. . O'Shea had come into a fortune of some thirty or forty thousand pounds by his second marriage, and was . spending it like a man. (Like a monster! Mrs. O'Shea would declare ^ piteously, when the inevitable day of reckoning had overtaken .them. a Would she ever have consented to a brougham and men servants and Sunday dinners?Sunday dinners! With ^ her principles!?if she had known ^ that Major O'Shea was a pauper, not E ' worth the coat he was married in!) ^ I Occasionally, twice in three months u perhaps, the fancy would strike Cor- d nelius to lounge, his pipe in his mouth, into the child's nursery for a game of romps. Occasionally, after entertaining some extra fine friends . at dinner, perhaps he would bid the 11 servants bring Miss O'Shea down to 01 dessert, chiefly it would seem (but a Belinda was happily indiscrimin- " ative) for the opportunity her pres- E ence afforded of airing his connec- a tion with the Earl of Liskeard's fam- Sl I font hlicsfnl Sundavs ^ throughout the year he would take JI her out for a walk through the parks. 0 This was all?the sole approach to parental love that brightened Belin- P da's lonely child's life, and as years went on even this scant intercourse s' between O'Shea and his daughter lessened. Difficulties multiplied around the man; truths of many kinds dawned upon the poor pink-and- M white fool whose substance he had ewasted. Recriminations, long ab- * sences, cruel retrenchments of expenditure, falling off of fair-weather ? friends, all followed in natural se- 11 quence. And then came the crash in. earnest; Belinda's pittance their only certain support for .the future! The house in May Fair must be exchanged C1 for one in Bayswater; the house in M* Bayswater must give place to lodgings; the lodgings from "elegance," so-called, must sink to respectability; ? respectability to eighteen shillings a week, no extras, and dirt and dis- n comfort unlimited. Belinda, instead P of roast mutton and rice pudding, must eat whatever cold scraps chanced to be over from yesterday's meal, and no pudding at all/, instead ; of yawning over French verbs, or , thrumming scales on the piano, must tl 1 run errands, mend clothes, crimp ^ ,\ chignons, pleat false tresses, and gen- si erally make herself the milliner, f< lady's maid, and drudge of her step- v mamma, Rose. ' | ? Cornelius descended the ladder of ti ,' life with a philosophic, gentlemanly a i grace that added the last drop of bit- ci terness to Mrs. O'Shea's cup. ^ Belinda, who could see no evil in e ; wl?at she loved, thought papa's resig- f' nation sublime! P His dress from shabbiness degen- c , crated to something worse, his nose n , grew redder, his hours and his gait P alike more uncertain. In Belinda's o [ eyes he was still the best and dear- a est of fathers, the most incomparably ; a long-suifering of husbands. "Rose ' must have her chignons crimpcd. ' j must put on her pearl powder and I her silk dresses, as if we were rich I i still," the girl would think with the e blind injustice of her age, "while v .. papa, poor papa, wears his oldest I . I clothes and broken boots; yes, and d l" j will sing a song at times to his little h . 1 girl, and be gay and light-hearted b 4! through it all." . a 1 The truth was this: Cornelius f knew that his last trick was made, v Rose that 6he had the possibility of c one still in her hand?a certain v C t Uncle Robert, crusty, vulgar, rich, t , "living retired" in his own villa at Brompton. Very different would Bel linda's story have turned out had -, uncle chanced to be an aunt. The 0 I o'd lady never lived who could resist q > j the blandishments ot Cornelius ( ,1 O'Shca when he willed to fascinate. g .' Upon the coarse, tough heart, the t I, hardened, unbelieving ears of Uncle r .'fr-bert, the Irishman's sentiments, r ; j repentance, touching allusions even v to honor and high lineage, were alike c wasted. v r Rosie had chosen to throw herEelf r i away upon a scoundrcl. Don't talk I to him about birth; Undo Robert - calkct a man a gentleman who acted n ? { like a gentleman. Rosie, poor fool, a ' had made her bed and must lie upon v - i;?for Uncle Robert's language was 1! ; ::o less coarse than his intelligence, u till, let her come to want, let tha coundrel of a husband decamp, take la worthless presence to any other ountry he chose, and keep there, nd the door of Uncle Robert's house rould never be closed against his sisJr's child. And as the old man bad ot another near relation upon the ace of the earth, Mrs. Rose knew J 1 xxJ. A fto /Hnr?r\nno r. 1 c rciiy WC1I CiiciL, \j guca D I ? nee once compassed, not only would tie door of Uncle Robert's house, but fair chance of a place In Uncle Robrt's will, stand open to her. A last card, I repeat, was yet to be layed by Mrs. O'Shea. She played j t well?with that instinctive knowldge of male human nature that you rill find in the very shallowest femaine souls. Uncle Robert was a emocrat to the backbone; tittle-tat!e from the bloated upper .ten must onsequently be tasteful to him, were t but as proof of his own radical heories; and Rose would prattle to im by the hour together about her idyship's card debts, and his grace's eccadillos, and her poor . dear I'Shea's intimate connection with tie aristocracy. Uncle Robert was as roud of his purse as any self-made lan in England. Nothing swelled im with righteous sense of solvency ke the sight of another's pauperism; till, for his niece to have appeared iscreditably dressed before the serants, a poor relation, in all the gallig indecency of a merino gown or lended gloves, would have exasperted the old man beyond measure. 0 Rose .took excellent care to do her auperism gentfeelly. In the most beoming little bonnet, the most scruulously neat silk dress?"the last of 11 my pretty things, Uncle Robert, ih, if you knew?can we poor wolen help being fcolish??if you new how dreadful It is to one to ive up the refinements of life!"? 1 the most becoming attire, I say,, bat woman could wear, this simple reature would pay her humble, tearill conciliatory visits~to the 'Bromp3n villa, and seldom return without erisn Diece of Dauer. never entirely mpty-handed, to the bosom of her imily. At last, one fine spring morning, < ame an overture of direct recoritilition, couched in the plainest possi- ( le language, from Uncle Robert's j j wn lips. " Let Major O'Shea betake |. imself to America, one of the col- ( nies, anywhere out of England that e chose, solemnly swearing to keep way during the space of two years 1 t least, and Undo Robert promised * ot only to receive back his niece to reside over his house and sit at the J ead of his table, but to pay O'Shea < ae sum of ?300 before his departure. Inougb, surely, to last, if the man j ad a man's heart within his breast, ntil such time as he could gain a ^ ecent independence for himself by . rork. Cornelius was absent from home, ( lat is to say, from their dingy lodglgs, for the time being, when this ccurred; had been absent more than ? fortnight. Heaven knows on what * lission?I believe he called it the oncaster Spring Meeting to his wife 1 ad daughter. He returned late that ime evening, rather more hiccough- i lg of speech than usual, and with \ ist sixpence short for the payment [ his cab hire in his pocket. I Rosie broke the news of her uncle's roffered generosity as O'Shea sat rinking his hot gin-and-watsr after 1 jpper, Belinda mending a very torn ? locking with very long stitches at is side. < "Of course it is impossible," sighed j J [rs. O'Shea, with .tears in her meek yes. "I feel it a duty to mention ] le proposal, if only to show the hristian spirit of my relations; but j f course such a separation would be npossible." "Impossible, Rose!" cried O'Shea, is sodden face brightening. Of so ne and discursive a nature was the feature's hopefulness, that the baro lention of ?800 and of being rid of is domesticities sufficed to inspire im with the visions of a millionire. "Who talks of impossible? m I the man, d'ye think?is Corelius O'Shea the man to. liet his own * altry feelings stand batween his ' imily and prosperity?" 1 To be Continued. ' .. < Wireless Lights. , 1 Evidently Boston doesn't know all in known about liehtinir. not rithstanding the fact that there ia ( nch a zeal for making long contracts n the use of systems which seem ery fine now but which will bo out f date in a year, or two, or three, if ' iey are not out of date already, new ^ s they may be. In Omaha 4000 inandescent lamps are lighted by a 'ireless current generated at a Govrnment station five miles distant 3 rom the site of the Electrical Exosition. Technical reports on the j ost and efficiency of this arrangelent are awaited with interest. Sup- ^ ose our quarreling Bostonlans run 1 ut to Omaha during the exhibition ' nd get all the facts.?Boston HerId. * ' Prosperity Fixed him. "As long ez I wuz po'," saio Jrother Williams, "I wuz humble nough ter bo thankful fer what I fuz 'bout ter receive; but one da* found $10 in de big road, and' atter 1 at I went 'bout holdin' my head sr. 1 igh dat I couldn't see what wu? ' efo' ine, an' I felled in a dry well, n' staid dar three days, hollerin' fer 1 oiks ter pull me out. Satan hisse'i ] /uz once a angel in heaven, but he ; ouldn't stan' prosperity, an' look ' rhar he is now!"?Atlanta Constitu- 1 ion. ' 1 Land Assessment in England. The evils of this underassessment ( f land are perhaps more glaring ia Cardiff than anywhere else. Cardiff ;asue, wun us nuge pane, lociges anu ;ardens, with a boundary wall ol ^ hree-quarters of a mile, situated ight in the heart of the town, is . ated at ?924 a year. The land is j /orth millions. Within sight of the ^ astle and not more than two hundred j ards avay is a tailor's shop which is ( ated at ?0-17.?London Chronicle. The Rumanian crown is made ol 1 letal froni Turkish cannon captured t Plevna in 1S77. It is not covered ^ith a thin layer of gold and enamel ^ Lke the Servian crown, but has aD Lnadorned circlet of steel. ' d I - Ancient Paper Money.: oco?e*9 9oeo9*eaeooc??eoe Paper money?properly guaranteed ?is now generally recognized throughout the world as the most satisfactory and convenient form of jurrency. It is not, however, as is /ery generally supposed, a compara:ively modern idea. The celebrated traveler, Marco Paulo, of Venice, was the first person :o announce to Europe the existence >f paper money, in China, under the Moguls. It was subsequently Jntroluced by the Moguls into Persia, vhere their notes were called djaou, )r djaw, a word evidently derived :rom the Chinese word schaio, signifying "a want of specie." The fact of^the Moguls having, in 3hina and Persia, made use of paper noney, has induced the belief that ;hey were the originators of it. But n the history of Tchinghiz-khan, and >f the Mogul dynasty in China, pul^ished in the year 1739, the author speaks of the suppression of the paaer money, which was in use under :he dynasty of the Soung. vbo eigned in China previous to the Moguls; and he also mentions a I new species of notes which were substi:uted for the old in the year 1264. The original financial speculation )f the Chinece ministry, to provide 'or the extraordinary expenditures of he State, which were exceeding the "evenues, was in the year 119 B. C. te this period were introduced the jhi-Di, or V2lue in skins. These were small nieces of the skin of deer, which verfe kept in a pen, within the palace vails. They ,were a Chinese square .'oot in size and were beautifully orlamented with painting and embroiiery. The price of those skins was ixed at1 a sum equal to about $65.? [iarper's Weekly. * / 4 WORDS OP WISDOM. Don't be stuck up. Even a pinfe fhof The man who can convince others ;hat he is as gcod as he thinks he is s a wonder. It is much easier to go to law than .0 get back. Few of us think about mending our vays till they are pretty badly shat;ered. It may be possible for a woman to seep a secret, but most women are .voefully out of practice. It doesn't take an athlete to jump :rom the fryiftg pan into the fire. The more promises a man makes :he more excuses he has to mauu 'acture. The man who is looking for trouble ioesn't have far to g6 from home. It is hard for children to understand how they can always tell the :ruth and still be polite. A fellow may propose to a girl on lis knees and still be on his uppers. A nervous man is easily undone, jut the way dresses are now built it s hard to undo a woman. A nest egg in bank will keep a man from brooding over his troubles. A family descends from father to son, and sometimes the descent i? I something fierce. If it wasn't for rectifying the misal:es of our youth, we wouldn't have much to do in our old age. A full course in the school of experience lasts a lifetime. Even the man who has never "ormed an opinion of his own arrives at a definite conclusion when le dies. The proper time to congratulate a sride and groom is after they have ived together for a year and are still lappy.?From "A Gentle Cynic," in :he New York Times. The Real Governor. While Governor Willson, of Kenncky, was housebound last winter jwing to a strained tendon in his leg le was attended by "Jim," who ha? jeen general factotum to many Governors, and who was a source of much fun among State attaches. The lame leg caused the Governoi to move his office temporarily to the mansion, where he received many ielegations. On one occasion Mrs. Willson had tvaited luncheon for thirty minutes. md she told His Excellency that he must come down and eat with aer. "My dear," said Mr. Wilison, "just is soon as I see thai delegation of men downstairs, I'll be with you." Mrs. Wilison was determined, and said: "Jim, you go down and tell Lhgm to wait." "Jim," frowned the Governor, a? Lhat worthy started off to obey the mistress of the mansion, "Jim, you know who is Governor, don't you?" "Yas, sab," grinned Jim, with seeming innocence, "yas, sar, I'll go j n l + V? r* o-cm m Pn fn wait ?iUWU UJ1U Lt 11 U1C vw ?. . , ?ab."?Lippincott's. "The Skin of a Unit." The blunders of children are often 3ue to bad teaching. 'This." said a teacher to her class in arithmetic, "ip a unit." She held up a pencil. '"This book is a "unit, too," she said, "and thes?. are units." And she showed them a ruler, a flower and an apple. ?hen she peeled the apple, ar.d holdin), up the pee., said, "Now, childrpn. iv:iat is this?" Silence. "Come, you know what it is," she ur^ed. A little band went up slowly. "Well, William"" said the teacher. "Please ma'am., the skin of a unit."?Journal jf Education. To Supplant ITcrso Car?. With a view to supp'.anling the iorse cars of crosstown lines in New Fork City the receiver of the Third ivenue railroad is experimenting with wo cars, one an electric storage bat:ery car using the new Edison storage jattery, and the other a gasoline-elecric car in which a gasoline engine is ?mployed to operate a dynamo that furnishes current to iuoiors on the ar axles. The German empire consists cf our kingdoms and some twenty ;rand duchies, duchies, principalities ud free cities. BARRIMAN'S WIDOW, THE1 E??^<?PS!sP$sSP^ ^ j^j ig The "Drendnonghf" Drum. London enjoyed a musical joke recently. when Mr. Graves' and Sir Charles V. Stanford's amusing "Ode to Discard" was played for the first time at Queen's Hall by the New Symphony Orchestra..- Its success was so great that 'it had to be re peated. One of the effective instruments used to produce the desired effect was the so-called "Dreadnought" drum, which is shown here as it was photographed on the way to the hall.?Philadplphia Record. Flor'da is the centre of the turpentine industry. ~ THE SHORT if^f? Bless you, my children."?From 1 Handy Cooking Utensil. Time, money and space are saved by the cooking utensil designed by an I Oino uiau. anu ail iiiitist'heepei's will readily understand the merits of this article by merely glancing at the illus wops RICHEST WOMAN. TT n n rT v Pnrlrot Rnv One of the most complete combination articles ev6r put on the markel is the pocket box designed by a Pennsylvania man. < This compact and astonishing little device includes a penknife, pencil sharpener, notebook pincushion, nail clip and several othei necessary things. The contrivance is about the size and shape of a large match box. In a slide along one side is a knife blade, which, by meaps ol a projection extending through the slot, may be thrust out When needed and replaced when not in use. Pari of the box is a lid, on the bottom ol which is fastened leaves of blank paper, forming a writing pad or notebook. Beneath (his lid is a padded surface for"plns, needles, etc. At one end of the box is an opening large enough to admit a lead pencil and equipped with a sharpening knifq inside, while the nail clip is operated by the lid of the box, which-works on a spring. With a change or liner and undergarments and one of these boxes a man might travel around the world.?-Washington Star. At seventy-threx?. it is announced, Sir" William Schwenck Gilbert is at work on a new (comic opera which will shortly be produced at the Savoy Theatre in London. T PARENT. " ft. ' ' * (C? , _r___ , Fliegende Blaetter. tration. This utensil consists of a stewpan with three separate compartments in which three vegetables may be cooked at once over one lid of a stove or one flame of a gas range. The pan comprises a skeleton frame of bottom and top hoops and side bars and three receptacles, one taking up half of the capacity and the others being quarters. Each of these receptacles has a clip which fits over the rim of the frame and by which it may be lifted into place or out again. As each of these vessels i3 separate it is not necessary that the vegetables to be cooked in them require the same length of time. as one is aone me partition can ue lifted out. Such a utensil, when used on a gas stove, uses up only one-third as much gas as under ordinary conditions.?Boston Post. Canada's wheat crop Is estimated at 1 G.S',3SG,000 bushels, or 43,696,000 bushels more than last year's. America leads the world in the production of rosin and turpentine. I . {With the Funnyi - Cupid's Cook Book. There's n preface addressed "Just to tEos^ most concerned," Embracing 6ome rules for beginners, 1 A few helpful hints "When the tables ar4 turned." "Good menus for tete-a-tete dinners." v "Soup?how to b?;lp out," and "Good fiatt in the sea','* ' ' V Some-pages on roasts, stews, and <dre?? J 'OKj "Snl.id days,1* ""To preserve satisfactorily,T "Variety's spice as A blessing." There's "Confections," a topic that surelyj . will please; "Weddine-eakes of at! nations" another,. 1 And, sprinkline a chapter op tried recipe#,.. Some old-fashioned notions by Mother.. . "Whaf. to do with the left-cvers" closes- i the book. f , But, despite manv well-expressed wishes,. Not a wnrd ran be found?sn one neven 1 need look? On the subject of warmed-over dishes. ?Ella Randall Pearce, in Puck. > ? ^ / Following the Blazed Trail. / "Have you ever bagged a^ildcat?'* "Only one?she bagged me!"?* Judge. __ , The Stuff That Kills. Mrs. Eenham?"Isn't my dress a; poeni?" ... ... Benham?"Poetry win ug imrtv v,v death of me."?New York Press. "I Nearing the Goal. "How is your society gettJng along ^ in its efforts tovabolish war?" / . "Well, we've offered $25.for ,a pri2?- j essay."?Louisville Courier-Journal. , ' -? Les Parens Pauvre. . "Who is that man whom yotr greeted?" ' vj "He is the third husband of th? ' . first wife of my second husbaud.'*? Sourire. i 9 ' / I ( . No Joking flatter. * i M:*:s Young?"After all, what iff ; j marriage but a mister-y?" I Miss Older?"Yes, and what Iff r;< J spinsterhood but perpetual miss-cry."-.'' >; [ ?Boston Transcript. ' V" ~ ' t Keeping Down Expenses. j Spund?"What a lot you *sleep~ Whenever I come, you arp always in^ bed." Tippler?"Yes. j ^find it cheaper."" ./ ?Mergendorfer Blaetter. I J Fine Courage. Hewitt?"Speaking of the 30IK 0* quest of the Pole?" V t-l Jewett?"That's hothjng; J kiow a man who married a Swede."? Louisville Courier-Journal. V I . : V / Re Was One. -. ' - ' If 1 Gerald?"I believe in looking out ' for number one." Geraldine?"I have heard some- "J'' ' thing about a scheme for the conser1 vation of lobsters."?New York > 1 Press-. ? ' Dnnny's Definition. Sunday-school Teacher ? "Now,J^ ) Danny, what do you understand by ! 'rizhteous indignation?' " 1 DanDy?"Gettin' mad without sayin' any- cuss words."-^-Boston Tran- . script. Couldn't Bend Him. ? Friend?"So the leading man re- l fused to act the; hunchback in your play?" < . Playright?"Yes; he said he "was engaged to play only straight parts/* ( ?Boston Transcript. . . ^ Making.Her Look Old. "My husband and 1" lived happily together for seven years." "What happened ihen?" ^ ! ?ti? ohovaH ofr hin mnstach? and 11C DUUT got to looking like a boy again.'*? Chicago Record-Herald. ' ] /*':' Cause and Effect. The Earl of Ennui (dreamily)-y i "Wlsht I just had er million, and ted years ahead of<|ie." Baron Beating-It?"Well, you grab ,the million and you'll get- the ten years all right, all right."?Puck. _____ v More Work For Diogenes. Young Wife?"Dont you admir^ n man who always says the right thing at the right time?" Spinster?"h'm sure I could if 1 ever have the pleasure of meeting such a man."?Jewish Ledger. * V Plain Horrid Man. * ^ She?"So many men nowadays x marry for money. You wouldn't marry me for money, would you, dearest?" He (absently) ? "No, darling, 3 wouldn't marry you for jill the money in thp world." She?"Oh, you horrid, horrid wretch!"?Eoston Transcript. Easing Up on Them. "Young gentleman," announced the professor in English literature, "tc-morrow I wish you to come prei | pared to discuss this sentence from i the works of Henry James." ^ "The entire sentence, professcvr?" i groaned the class. A "Well, take it as far as the firpt ! , Bemicojon."?Louisville Courier-Joart j oal. i J Darling Willie. Little Willie was missed by his mother one day for som9 time, and when he reappeared she naked: 1 "Where have you been, my pet?" a "Playing postman," replied hem pet." "I gave a letter to all tbA v houses in our road. Itsal letters, :oo." "Where on earth did you get them?" questioned his mother in [ amazement. I "They were these old or.es in your i Hmtopi' 1 iorl iir? with rib bon," was the innocent reply.?Loudon Opinion. '4 i