University of South Carolina Libraries
APPLE-LAND. Appl?s along the highway strewn. And morning opening all her doors; The cawing rook, the distant train, The valley with its misty floors; The hillside hung with woods and dreams; Soft gleams of gossamer and dew, From cockcrow to the rising moon The rainbowed road for me and you. Along the highway all the dav The wagons filled with apples go, And golden pumpkins and ripe corn, Ana ail the ruddy overflow. From autumn's apron, as she goes About her orchards and her fields, And gathers into stack and barn The treasure that the summer yields. A singing heart, a laughing road, With salutations all the way? The gossip dog, the hidden bird, The pig that grunts a gruff good-day; Tbe apple-ladder in the trees, A friendly voice amid the boughs, The farmer driving home his team, The ducks, the geese, the uddered cows; The silver babble of the creek, The willow-whisper?the day's end, With murmur of the village street, A called good-night, an unseen friend. ?Richard Le Gallienne, in The Delineator ggooooooooooooooooooooogcx LYates' Ranch. 1 By HERO STRONG. < lOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO^OOOC "Stranger hereabouts, I reckon?' said the driver, inquiringly, as h< pulled up his horses on the plateau t< get their wind, before beginning th< descent into the gulch, through whict U1B IJeruuus uiuumaiu luau iau iu c narrow track of ft kite dust, fringec by wild sagebrush and chapparral. "Reckoned everybody knowed tb< story of Yates' Ranch?" I reminded the driver that for foui years I had been In Europe, and thai this was my first trip overland to Cal ifornia. It was in '49, long before t Pullman car had been dreamed of \ and while the great railway, whict now stretches from sea to sea, was i magnificent scheme yet unborn in th< busy brains of its projectors, who ai that time were careless schoolboys doubtless, intent on tops and balls and kites with stupendous tails. Every traveler of that time know; the dismal track which had to b< crossed in the overland journey? mostly on the backs of mules, bu sometimes for a little distance on the top of lumbering coaches, every lurcl of which seemed to wrench body anc soul apart, to say nothing of the im minent risk of broken backs and neck; by being hurled over some yawninf precipice. Yates' Ranch was one of the verj few human habitations we had passec daring the last three days, but nc smoke ascended from its chimney and the wild mountain bushes gre^ on the rude doorstep. It was evident Jy uninhabited. For want of some' thing better to say I had suggested a: much to old Saunders, the driver. ] knew by the expression on his taci that there was a story. I passed mj pipe along to him. Nothing like th( influence of tobacco to loosen a man's tongue. "Come, old fellow," said I, "let's hear the whole of it." Saunders drew a meditative whifl or two, and started his horses. "Stiddy there, Dlgby," said he "Whoa, Satan. Drat the critter, he allers shies at that heap of stones, and no wonder, for that's the grave of ? murderer, stranger." Here Saunders blew out a mouthfu' of smoke in my face, whipped in his leaders and regarded the distanl snow-clad peaks of the Sierras with z contemplative eye. "Reckon we'll have snow afore many days, stranger. The air shaves like a razor." "But about the murderer's grave old fellow?" "Oh! ah! wall, it's a niceish sort ol a place for a feller of that kind to pui hisself under. Good lookout, if he should fancy to rise up and take s squint around. Snug, too, witl bushes all around,, and doosed hand] to where she's buried, too, if that's any object." Saunders took a slight pull at t flask which he carried in his pocket and after tendering the vile smelling stuff to me, and smiling with eviden satisfaction at my refusal, he begai his story. "Five years ago last June Ton Vntoc rum horo frnm Vow Vnrb HI' wife was along with him. None o your second class trash about them Both of 'em was upper crust cleai through. The woman, she was a handsome as a picter, with a red 01 her cheeks that made a feller think o the clouds about sundown, and i flash in her eyes that no diamonds ever seed could begin to hold a candli to. She was a regeler high stepperlike that off leader there?jest thi kind of woman for women folks t( hate like pisen, and for men to g< crazy over. She had piles of dresse and jewels, aud I've seen her, dresse< like a queen, cooking Yates' suppe of hominy and venison, and never los ing her dignity a particle. "Yates he was one of .them quiet stiil tongued chaps that a body can' find out much about, but he loved hi wife to distraction, and couldn' skeercely bear her out of his sight His eyes follered her all the time, am he'd fly to help her about anything h could do, jest as if he was her love instid of her husband. And he was ; mighty handy man about a house. "He had a claim back there on tha rer hill that we've passed?a sort o a rich 'un, too; and as it was more': he could work he staked some of i off and sold it out in lots to othe parties. So that at one time ther was quite a smartish little villag Yates' Ranch. ' One dark, stormy night a coupl of strangers rid up to the ranch an wanted to see Yates. I was laid u with the rhumatiz then, and was sta> ing a few days at Yates', for he was charitable fellow, and I had neithe kith nor kin. 1 couldn't move ban nor foot for the cussed pain, but could see and hear sharp enuff. Th two^etrangers came in and throwe offTheir wet coats. Mrs. Yates was stooping over the fire baking the bar nocks for supper when they came ir She riz up slowly and looked at them Never shall I forget the way that sur set red went out of her face. Sh , . . growed as pale as a corpse, throwed her arms up in a -^lld, crazy way and started to rush out of the Voom. One of the men?the one she had been looking at?grabbed her by the arm savagely, and his voice sounded like ' the hiss of a rattlesnake. " 'I have found you!' said he. 'And now, Elizabeth Osgood, I will have my revenge! False wife! heartless mother! you shall die!' "He drew a pistol and pointed it at her head. "Yates sprang upon him fiercely, but the woman laid her white hand on his arm and held him quiet while she spoke to the stranger. " 'John Osgood,' said she, in a cold, hard tone, that made my aching bpoes shake with terror, 'I am no wife of yours! You won me by a lie! You told me that Tom was false?was married to another?and I, fool that I was, believed the words of a tongue which had never spoken anything but lies. And out of pique I married you! You knew I hated you, for did I not tell you so? Afterward Tom came! '. I loved him! In heaven's sight I was ms wire?wnai aia 1 care now the world thought? I fled with him > to this wild solitude, and I will never > leave him! You may kill him if you j like?my corpse you can carry with ? you?but my living body?never!' i "How her eyes sparkled, and her * cheeks flamed with crimson! She > looked like a giantess, but she was a ^ little woman, and as she stood there in her rage, her shining brown head would not have reached above my i shoulder. For a moment Osgood 1 fell back, and I thought he was going i to back out, but the next instant he 1 sprang forward. Yates closed with 1 him. There was a dreadful struggle. 1 Both used knives, and the blood was red all over the floor. * "I groaned and (cussed because I was obliged to lay Ihere and not lift : a finger, and the other man was hold^ ing the woman. Yates was getting the better of Osgood, for he was a 1 strong wiry man, and he had a tem' per like a tiger. Osgood realized it, 1 so did the other stranger. 1 " 'Curse him! shoot him, Osgood, ' and have done with it!'cried he. "There was a sharp click of a pis ' tol, and the sound o? the shot almost ' together, and Yates fell over in a heap on the floor. I knowed he was ' done for, and I shrieked like a flend 5 my rage at being so helpless. " " 'I am finished, Lizzie,' said the poor feller. 'Good-bye, darling? ' good-bye!' . "She broke away from the man who held her, and flung herself on " the dying Yates. I heard her words ' distinctly. ' " 'Kill me, Tom!' she cried. , 'Quick, before he seizes me again! j Your pistol?where is it? Here is j my heart! Oh, Tom! Tom! thank heaven, we shall die together!' "Then the sharp report of a pistol shattered the air. I saw the smoke cloud for a moment Yates and his love, then his arms were wound round her and hers round him, and they were dead. Stranger, rhumatiz wag powerless to keep me there any longer. I leaped to my feet and out into the night I went, rousing the miners from their beds and stirring them up to vengeance. "Already Osgood and his friend I were mounting their horses, but they never stirred ten steps from that ranch up yonder. > "In them days we didn't wait for I no judges nor juries. Before two t hours had gone by we had Osgood snugly burled under the pile of rocks 1 I showed ye, and t'other chap had s been sot adrift as naked as he cum t into the world, and as good a coat of i tar on him as could be spread. The feathers we had to leave out, because ? we had none. 5 "I reckon some folks'll say that Osgood had a right to claim his wife, , but we fellers didn't think so, under the sarcumstances, and besides, our E blood was up, and there's no knowing t what a miner'll do when that's the ; case. i "Yes,, stranger, the ranch Is i haunted, and I couldn't drive them leaders of mine past there after dark 3 if I was to whip 'em till they dropped. Hosses is nigh about human, strani ger, and some of 'em a leetle beyond , that. Whoa, Digby! Stiddy now, I Satan!"?Good Literature, t Betrayed by His Disguise. ! In one of the principal Western s cities the proprietor of a large jewf elry store reported to the chief of po . lice an extensive aiamouu ruuucij'. ! He was asked by the chief if he sus3 pected any one. i "Yes, sir," hesitatingly answered f the merchant, "although we have no i proof. But a man whom I have I known for twenty-five years was in 5 the store a day or two before the rob bery, looking around and appearing e to be ill at ease. He has since disap3 peared." 3 "What kind of a looking man was s he?" i "Dark complexioned.tall, with long r curly hair and a heavy mustache." "Well," said the chief, after a moment's thought, "I hope to be able to give you some news of him soon." t Then he sent this telegram to the s police authorities of several other citt ies: "Arrest tall man with close-cropped i head and white upper lip. Diamond e thief." r The next day he received this disa patch from a town in Missouri: "Got diamond thief. Have recovt ered goods. Am holding him subject f to your order."?Youth's Companion D ? Automatic Telephones. e According to the head of Austria's o telegraph? the automatic telephone exchange system can be made to come pete seriously with the manual sysd tem. He says that in New York it p takes on the average sixteen seconds r. from the time the subscriber rea moves his telephone receiver to the r time the ringing signal is set, where, d as in the automatic system installed I in Vienna for 100,000 subscribers e this work is done in but ten seconds, d Three seconds after the subscribe! a hangs up the receiver the line is l- clear. Owing to this saving of timq i. a larger number of messages can be ! delivered through the automatic exi change than through the manual exe change.?Chicago News. Mi^ess MRS. TA Who, as Wife of tiie President, is Offlci Improved Box Couch. is Box couches have passed the ex; oerimental stage and are now be- Ic i coming quite popular. One of the -C? i most recent designs is shown below, Ai containing a novel Improvement pat- *r ! -iL *c j m M . al a al 1*"' is ented by a New York man. In this di box couch the box used for holding w the garments and other articles is at- ti I tached to rods so arranged that the b< 1 box is lifted up from the bottom of w I the couch when the ton of the latter C A Steep Declivity of the Dr. Geil, an American explorer, has a caravan journey along the entire leng great rampart. Legend says that wheni he was built into the structure as a war Away With the Hod! tt T A man in Ohio has patented a de- ' vice for carrying bricks by hand that ?j g To Carry Bricks by Hand. is in several ways superior to the old method, and is an advantage to both pi White House. j " i W al Leader Under the New fleglme. I w - , g, raised It thus becomes an _gass I w latter for th,e Derson ulping .the cqucI} j ! readily r^ach the box to get & i ? mtentfc. In addition it becomes un- ? scessary to move the coucn awav m om the wall in order to raise the id. \The box couch is thus rendered ? iore convenient and s^yes disazree 3le sto.oning and bending.?Washigton Star. h, T Gold From Sunken Sliip. In the most boisterous part of I bunt's Bay, and almost unapproach- ai sle except by sea, lies Dollar Cove, j d, here for the past three months a | ol ensure tseeitmg ?p?uiuuu, ecui | Dwn by a London syndicate, has | h ;en quietly working. The company s] I seekers some three of four weeks j a ;o suspended operations In order to : g( it more powerful pumps and gear. ! h hese are in working order, and al- j 3( lough the salvors have little to say ! tl bout the matter, they appear to be ; w jpeful of success. In the year 1788 j Ci Spanish ship went ashore there with a sout twenty tons of specie aboard. Everybody who lives on the coast j it familiar with the appearance of the y allars, as large numbers have been i ashed up on the beach from time to ! p me. Gold pieces are said to have ; K sen discovered recently by people : alking on the beach. ? London ^ hronicle. j a. Great Wail of China. ' 1 it just returned to this country after th, eighteen hundred miles, of this jver a laborer on this wall rebelled . ning to the others. te employer'and the workingman. p bis device consists of a clamp made K ! two parallel iron bars, with jaws a ; either end and slots in the sides. ! his clamp is set down over a row > bricks and locked with a bolt j n trough the slots, so that the bricks : n e held firmly by the jaws. The 1 amp also has a handle, by means of ' hich the load may be picked up and 1 irried about as one would carry a r< ress suit case. The advantages of i lis device are several. In the first ir lace, it weighs much less than a i si 3d and will carry more bricks. In le second place, if the bricks are n laced in a line by another man the ti i mm! /* An vi fill f Krtir nUmnd m ava W11C1O V- CI Li 1111 IUCU Liaui^o iilWiU ipidlv, providing they will do so. ! e( i the third place, the workingmen | pi eed not bruise and skin their hand,: j v handling the bricks. On building | oi [jerations where ladders must be 1 g; imbed, however, the hod appears to I ni ive an advantage, as it leaves both unds free. Y Some of the cigars of the Philipines are two and a half feet long. 0( I P'l^ousehold5000^ j, I in ....'Matters 8 . Tomato Omelets. Beat up the yolk of one egg and mtr with it one tabiespooaful of finely chopped tomato freed from skin and seeds; add seasoning of salt and pepper. Beat up the white of the egg stiffly and mix in thoroughly, but [ lightly. Melt one teaspoonful of but! ter in a small, smooth frying pan. j Pour in the mixture. Hold over a clear, brisk fire for half a minute till i a nice brown color on .the under side; ; turn and brown on the other side. Fold over and serve very hot.?New j I York Press. I Vegetable Curry. ' V r: DECIDE CONSUMPTION S A SOCIAL PROBLEM. The City of Clevoland Will fight It Hereafter as It Would a Smallpox Epidemic. Cleveland, In common with several ther of the larger municipalities of le country, has determined to fight iberculosis systematically and hereEter will treat it and look upon it 3 a dangerous, fatal and contagious leease that must be stamped out as ould be done in the case of a smalldx epldemie. It is estimated there are 15,000 ersons in Cleveland suffering from le disease. When this situation wa? rought home to the city officials, the ev. Harris R. Cooley, member of the oard of Public Service, who has large of the Department of Charles and Correction, asked the estabshment of a tuberculosis sanatorium The city purchased a tract of 2 00C cres of land a few miles beyond the ty limits, 600 feet above the city, emporary buildings were erected >r the purpose of carrying on the ork of combating the disease. Dur* lg the two years and a half the ork has been in progress, 616 cases ave been treated. Of that number lere were eighty-three positive ires. Twenty deaths occurred in ie first six months, when the work ardly was organized. There were ighteen deaths in 1907 and eleven eaths in 1908. A permanent sanatorium to accomLOdate 500 patients will be erected. "After all," said Cooley, "it is a >cial problem. Tuberculosis is the jsult of overwork and underfeeding, hich produce the crowded slums, their fnnl air and nractically no mitatlon. In treating tuberculosis e also must treat the slums." I* WHAT HENRY IRVING GOT ? OUT OF LIFE. : Writing in McClure's Magazine of er last visit to Henry Irving Ellen erry says: "What have you got out of it all?" asked. "You and I are 'getting on/ 3 they say. Do you ever think, as I o sometimes, what?you have got out C life?" "What have I got out of it?" said [enry, stroking his chin and smiling ightly. "Let me see. . . Well, good cigar, a good glass of wine? ood friends"? Here he kissed my and with courtesy. Always he was ) courteous?always his actions, like lis little one of kissing my hand, ere so beautifully timed. Th<.?y ime just before fhe spoken words, nd gave them peculiar value. "That's not a bad summing up of all," I said "And the end. . . . low would you like that to come?" * " * iUA* "HOW would 1 liiiti Li-lax LU wurnc. [e repeated my question, lightly, yet leditatively, too. Then he was stmt for some thirty seconds before e snapped his fingers?the action (jain before the words. "Like that!" ' I thought of the definition of inpiration?"A calculation quickly lade." Perhaps y he had never lought of the manner of his death efore. Now he had an inspiration s to how it would come. Regarding the Tongue. Some remarkable facts regarding le tongue have been recently pre;nted by the eminent surgeon, Dr. !. Souchon, of New Orleans. The octor, after stating that the tongue, le nose and the skin are the only rgans of special sense which per)rm other functions, remarks that le tongue is the only organ except le heart which presents a base, a ody and an apex, is the only organ hich can protrude out of the cavity 1 which it is contained, and that no ther organ can assume such a valety of shapes or is so movable. Its apillae, though similar to those of ther mucous membranes, are larger nd more specially developed, and jose in the anterior two-thirds dif?r from those in the posterior third, he tongue presents a dual structure i accordance witn its auax xuncuons, lotor and sensory, varies in color lore than any other organ and is lore solid than any other viscus. It i the only organ presenting the three inds of nerve, namely, a nerve of pecial sense, one of ordinary sensaion, end one of motion.?Leslie's Weekly, Big Lumber Cut. A lumber cut of 165,(8)0,000 feet, lostly white pine, was made in the inter of 1908-09 on the Bad River idian Reservation in Wisconsin uner. the supervision of the United tates Forest Service. This heavy at for one season was due to the disstrous fires of the summer of 1908, hich made It necessary to cut largo uantities of timber at once to save A notable feature of the con act was the provision that all tops ad slash should be burned. Brush urning was begun the latter part of pril and has recently been comleted. A force of from 500 to 900 ien was reyuueu iur LUIS nuia tone. Strips at least 300 feet wide., djoining green unburned timber, ad already been cleared of inflamlable brush by burning it.?Engleering News. A Realist. "I am a great believer in realism," ! ?marked the poet. "Yes?" we queried with a rising iflection, thereby giving him the de- j red opening. I "I sometimes carry my ideas of j jalism to a ridiculous extreme," con- j nued the poet. "Indeed!" we "exclaimed inanely, | jmewhat impatient to reach the ! Dint of his witticism. "Ye3," continued the poet, "the i ther day I wrote a sonnet to the as company and purposely made the Leter defective." At this point we fainted.?New ork Times. ** France's birth rate has fallen from lirty-two to nineteen and one-half ;r cent, in 100 years. } Into a saucepan put one heaping j ' I tablespoonful of butter and in this \ j place some slices of carrot.' Turn j ! these about in the butter and add tur- I i nip cut in dice or slices, potatoes j sliced, also one onion cut up. Season i j with salt and add a little water. When the water reaches boiling I point add .two teaspoonfuls of curry ! powder and a tablespoonful of flour moistened with cold water. j Stir it again till it reaches boiling j point and allow it to simmer gently I till the vegetables are perfectly teni der. If green peas are in season they may be added, or cooked beans make a nice addition, also cold boiled rice may be added to the curry. ? New i York Press. i Milk Soup. Six potatoes, one white turnip, one 1 ; parsnip, two onions, atalk of celery, ; one tablespoonful of butter, one ta- 1 j blespoonful flour, one teaspoonful su- 1 ! gar, two cupfuls milk, two quarts of 1 j water, salt and pepper to taste. Put the butter into a saucepan and ! let it melt, but it must not get brown. ! Put in the cut vegetables, and stir | i them until they are hot. Now put ija | the sugar, pour on the water, and let -it u-n n ~ V.a1I Uaiima i < I iUl UU11 IUI UUC duu a uau uuui o. . | . Dissolve the flour in a little cold | i milk, add pepper and salt, and stir it j : ; in. Let it boll for ten minutes to j j cook the flour. Boil the milk separately, and add j it last of all. Taste if it is salted , enough, and serve hot. It is a good plan to have dishes , properly seasoned before they are sent to table. The first mouthful of I anything new is enough to create ; ; prejudice if It does not exactly suit ! ! the palate.?New York Press. | Chicken With Bice. Cut one thoroughly roasting chick! en into pieces of any desired size Place tuese m tne Keuie, aaa ouo pint of strained .tomatoes, one heap- i j ing cupful of celery cut into half- < ; Inch pieces, one small onion, a few, i sprigs of parsley tied together, salt, J pepper, and one pint of hot water. ! Put this on tlie stove and when it begins to boil add one-half cupful of well washed rice. Let the whole boil ; for one-half hour, then place At in a ; fireless cooker and allow it to remain ; there for at least four hours. Chicki en prepared in this way may besserved J directly from the cooker, only the parsley should be removed, but the dish is far more attractive and seems j to taste better if pieces of chicken 1 | are '.taken up with a skimmer, arI ranged in a low baking dish, the rice ; j poured over all, and then placed un i der the broiling flame or in the oven for about fifteen minutes Just before serving. Garnish with fresh parsley I and serve Just as it comes from the | i oven.?New York World. J HINTS JFf j Put a bit of camphor away with silver not in use; it will prevent tar- j I nishing. <' To keep wooden bread boards in good condition scrub them with sand | or salt instead of soap. After greasing pans for small cakes ' i dust with flour thickly, shaking out ' j all that is loose. This treatment prevents sticking. , To revive flowers sent by post, , i plunge the stems into hot water and tat fham rpmain until the water is ; IClf VrUWAM 1 cold, then cut the ends of the stems j J i afresh and put the flowers into fresh , cold water. . i , Match marks on the kitchen wall I . will disappear if rubbed first with the ! , cut surface of a lemon, then with a ! , clean cloth dipped in whiting. After- j j j ward wash the surface with warm water and soap, and then quickly ' , I wipe with a clean cloth wrung out of j ( j clear water. J , If water has a slight taste or smell j ! it is impure. Filtering is then not i quite enough. A small piece of alum to each bucketful drawn will purify 1 water wonderfully and conduce to 1 j health. Water should be all negative : ?without taste, smell, color or de- ' posit after standing. 1 nriioro ara en many little things in * one's work bag or basket that are apt | ( | to get snarled together from much I 1 I handling that it is well to have a j l j little case which is a series of tiny j ( pockets to hold the tapes, mending J cottons, etc. Such a pocket is much > ? appreciated by travelers. I ( JIake your own night lights. If j c you run short of night lights try this ! 1 I plan: Take an ordinary wax candle j ' j and some finely powdered salt. Burn i the candle so as to get it level, and j then cover the top with a layer of * salt, leaving only the blackened end j of the wick exposed. Light the can- j die, and it will burn slowly, giving a 1 faint, but steady light. 6 While maple sugar still lias the ^ delicate spring flavor remember to j , spw if at least once, as a hot syrup j . on plain vanilla ice cream or over j a crashed ice. The maple syrup should j ^ In; boiled until it spins a thin thread, and then the di3h containing it should j be put in hot water to keep it at that stage. If crushed ice is used serve it- . in deep soup plates with a little pitch, er of the syrup to each diner. In , either case turn tho hot syrup over the cream or ice and eat it from it |( with a fork a3 it waxes. ? XHE RECORD. 4. phoooeraph stood in a woman's club, Placed There by a curious man; ind all Ihe wisdom that phonograph heard, *+ [t registered carefully word for word, And thus the record ran: 'It may be the style, but it does look queer?" "A suffragist, not a suffragette! 'Twenty-two dollars a pair, my dear! "No; her decree isn't granted yet. 'I play Bridge some,?but I'm not * 8hark *" "If she hasn't got on that same blue frock!" . . "She was motoring with him in the park?" "No, I don't eat a thing before one o'clock!" . "Long net sleeves in her last years gown?" 41 Will you look at that ticker-basket hat!" "Perfectly lovely coats, marked down?1* "Pretty? Well,?rather,?but such * cat!" "Made by a dressmaker in the house?* "Nothing at all, but malted milk,?" "That's that new shade of 'frightened mouse'?" "I simply loathe that raggedy silk!" "Don't lisp it! I promised I'd never tell,?" >'. . "If I don't get away soon, N. P. for mine!" * ; n* "That baby hat suits your face so well!" "Slim! Why she's nothing at all but ' spine!" \ But the phonograph couldn't stand any more, And it tumbled, & heap of scrap iron, to the floor! ?Carolyn Wells, in Harper's Weekly. "But what does your father see in me to object to?" "He doesn't see anything In you dear* I think that's the answer."?Cleveland Leader. The Father?"Dora, don't you J think it's past bedtime?" The Daughter (entertaining a caller)?"Yes, in- y deed, papa. What's keeping you up?"?Cleveland Leader.. She said her fortune was her face. Responded he \ ' < That poverty Was no disgrace. 4 . ?Philadelphia Bulletin. . Guest?"Mercy! What's that awful profanity down stairs?" Hostess ?"My husband has come in late and fallen over the new Persian prayer rug."?Cleveland Leader. "The climate ia considered very healthy here, I believe," remarked the tourist in Arizona. "Yes, if you mind yonr own business," replied the native.?Des Moines Register. The Warden?"Say! You can't fish here without a license!" The Sportsman?"You're dead wrong. I've caught eleven with nothing but a, few angleworms." ? Cleveland Leader. , yFarmer Ryetop?"You seem to enjoy those fresh vegetables." Summer Boarder?"Yes, It Is an acquired taste. You get them from the same atore up In town that we do.**?Cbi-, cago Daily News. \ "Are you my nearest relative?" Said Johnny to his ma. , "Yes, dear," she smilingly replied; "And the closest is your pa." ?Lippincott's. Chum:?"Why don't you assert your" authority as head of the family, and take matters in your own hands?" Head of the House (mournfully)?"My wife won't let me."? Baltimore American. The Host?"Let's have your honest opinion about this wine.".''The Guest?"It is worthless." Tj^^Bfaft ' ?"Yes, that's what Jones saVs'about your opinions, but I want to hear it just the same."?Cleveland Leader. "So your husband is in the pageant; Mrs. Jones. I didn't know he belonged to the Church of England." "No, mum, he don't.. But there, he's very broad minded, and he don't mind being an ancient bishop in the cause Df charity."?Punch. Doctor?"Now there is a very simple remedy for this?er this?er?recurring thirst. Whenever you feel you want a whisky and soda, just eat an apple, eat an apple." Patient? "But?er?fancy eating fifty or sixty apples a day!"?Punch. Leisure, Except in certain remote provinces of the South and in those of our island possessions, where the Latin su perstltlon still prevails, and an ignorant populace believe enough is as good as too much, leisure has virtually gone out; to the effect that the man who finds himself with time to chew his food is forthwith oppressed by an uneasy sense of being out of the current of affairs, the woman who isn'.t driven to death feels hgr position in society endangered, while the child who can sit down and keep still sinks under the reproach of being mentally, defective. Broad is the road that leadeth to iestruction, but it isn't broad enough for the traffic, and unless airships :ome on pretty fast there will be a serious congestion.?Puck. Lobster Supply Will Be Large. Fish Commissioner Bowers says :hat the supply of lobsters, of the marine variety, is to be maintained. ' rhe commission has just finished iflfrhin? nut 170.000.000 lobster ;ggs, and the young fry are being iistributed at the rate of three to five nillion a day. They aro being deposited in the waters of the Maina ioast. "I see no reason for the apprehenlion which exists," said Commissioner Bowers, "regarding the possibility )f the exhaustion of the lobster sup)ly. More lobsters were caught last ear than in any season for the last wenty years. I take no stock in the care stories that the lobster is to neet the fate of the terrapin."? Washington Letter Brooklyn Eagle. The Water Bite. He was six years old and had nev r gazed into the mythic lens of a ilicroscope. oeverui simes uuuiaiiing animalcula had been displayed to lis astonished vision. He was too mazed to make any comment until ,e came to one slide that seemed nore wriggly than any of the others, t was merely a drop of water. The little fellow gazed at it a long ime, with all its nimble particles of nimal life, and finally exclaimed to lis mother: "Oh, mamma, now I know what it 3 that bites you when you drink odawater!"?New York TUnes. - ^