Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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If CITY WQRKINGMEN'S COST OF LIVING Their Hepvrts to Russell Sag? Foundation Enable Conclusions to Be Drawn--At Least22 Cents a Day For Food is a Necessity-Wives Arethe Mainstay in Making Incomes Go as Far as Possible. In a volume just issued by the Russell Sage Foundation, Professor Robert Colt Chapin, of Beloit College, presents the results of a study of "The Standard of Living Among Workingmen's Families in New York City." Full and intelligently handled returns were secured from 391 families out of the thousand to whom anhflHnlfle rr-nr q eanf TVioon fomilioc WVU<>UU1>.|9 ?? *. 1 t OTUU, 1 UWkJV iUUitllVU Were of the average size?from four fo six persons, and represented average workingmen's incomes. These comprehensive and minutely detailed fechedules were tabulated and very carefully studied and analyzed, and from them Professor Chapin reaches the conclusion that a workingrnan in New York City can maintain a family 3f average size in a decent fashion on $900 a year. "Even this amount, which is, perhaps, $200 larger than the gross average wages of workingmen, appears :o be sufficient to maintain a physical standard, to provide enough food and slothing and a fairly sanitary and comfortable dwelling, but will not suffice to give much chance for recreation and the "higher life." The report states that "the results of the investigation indicate that' while the personal factor operates in the case of every family, both as regards the habits of the father and the (managing ability of the mother, the limits within which it may affect the actual sum total of material comforts that make up the living of the family are net hv fnrrps How Standard is Set. "These social forces find expression, on the one side, in the income which the family receives?that is, in the rate of wages received by the father and others who are at work; on the other side, they are expressed In the prices that have to be paid to get housing, food and kindred needs. The actual standard that prevails is set primarily, therefore, by the wages paid and the prices charged." This study upholds the conclusions reached by former investigators, that when incomes increase, expenditures for rent and clothing remain etatic for some time, while the amount for food is increased. The expenditure for rent Is found to remain the same through quite a consideraoie increase In the income, indicating that the amount spent for food under the smaller Income has been less in proportion to the total expenditure than Is normal. Ofteii a family will continue to live in poor quarters while _ spending a larger amount for such food and clothing than may seem necessary, failing to recognize the Importance of sanitary apartments aven when within their income. The average amount spent for clothing is found to be $100. This will barely suffice to provide decent covering for a family of five. In the majority of cases the small expenditure is made possible by the fact that the mother is dress-maker, tailor and cobbler for the family. Very often clothes are bought at second-hand stores and rummage sales for very email sums. Expenditures For Food Alike. The expenditure for food is singularly alike in the budgets of the same groups of incomes. Even in the groups of high incomes the main difference is in quantity rather than variety. Necessity may be said to be the mother of domestic science. The thrifty housewife is forced to work out for herself a budget that will yield the biggest results in nourishment for the smallest amount of money. Even when the housewife is in no way a dietician, the laws of supply of money and demand of appetite work out results that prove to be almost identical in scores of family budgets of similar resources. Nearly half of the total expenditures of the 391 families is for food. The $600 families spend on an .average of $290.10 a year, and the families of the $1000 .group average $451.46. An analysis of the budgets by Professor Underbill, of Yale, would indicate that sufficient nourishment cannot be obtained for less than twenty-two cents a day per adult man. The families with incomes between $400 and $500 spend twenty-seven. ** per cent, of their incomes for rent. Those with Incomes from $500 to $600 average twenty-six per cent., while the average from $900 to $1000 is only nineteen per cent. The rente are higher in New York in proportion to the number and grade of rooms. Out of 115 families with incomes from $600 to $800, seventy-one per cent, have only three rooms; of the fifty-eight families in the $800 group, forty-eight per cent, have not more than three rooms, and of the seventj families with incomes between $90C and $1000, thirty-nine per cent, have three rooms or less. Can't Afford to Be Sick. The average expenditure for health ranges from $13.78 for the families with incomes between $600 anc $700 to $23.30 for families with incomes between $900 and $il00. Th< lower incomes do not a.low foi emergencies, and when sickness comes to a family they either have tc curtail other necessary expenditures rlaKf a?? froo mi/io 1 ni nursing aid. The "average work man" cannot afford the luxury o; "being sick. A surprising number of familie: keep up insurance policies, often eaci member of the family, from the chile a few months old to the wage-earner are insured for enough to cover fun eral expenses. These amounts pai< out for premiums, while only ten o: fifteen cents a week, mean quite 2 sacrifice to the family. Recreation has no place in the fam ily budgets of families in the lowe: groups of incomes. Most of the rec reation is obtained by sitting in fron of their houses and chatting with th? neighbors, or at rare intervals a ca ride to a free park. The tobacco bil of the father of the family, amount lng to ten cents or more a week, j seems quite an item to a family of j i the lower groups of incomes. It Is, of course, not possible, to ob- ! tain accurate statistics on the amount i spent for drink, especially when it is spent by the father away from home, j but in every case it means a curtail- ' ment of the allowance for necessi- 1 ties for the family. Fuel is slightly . cheaper in New York than in inland cities, and owing to smaller average number of rooms less is used than would be found to be the case in smaller cities where rents are not so high. Larger amounts are, of course, spent for carfares, for the wageearners to and from work. There is a greater opportunity, on j the other hand, for judicious expenditure, for bargains and cut rate sales ! that help the housewife in her economies. Savings are reported by fifteen per : cent, of the $600 families, twenty per cent, of the $700 families, thirty- i eight per cent, of those in the $800 ! to $900 class, twenty-three per cent. ! of the families with incomes of $900 , and forty-five per cent, of the $1000 j families.?New York World. The Avocado or Alligator Pear By C. P. TAFT. This remarkable fruit comes to us j primarily from Mexico or Central i America. Indeed, it is quite within | the limits of legitimate speculation to j assume that its original home may ! have been the lost continent of At- ' lantis; that it has come to us by way ! of Yucatan or Guatemala, and that in t , Atlantis it was brought to such a ; high state of perfection that after j thousands of years of comparative neglect it still retains qualities of wonderful interest. In the opinion of very many peo- i pie the Avocado is the best of all J fruits. I know of none whose vo- j taries are more enthusiastic. It ! coui makes the best of all salads, as it age stands midway in its composition be- ( in t tween fruits and nuts, embracing many or tne attractive qualities 01 , both. There ;eems to he a fascin ation in its flavor which lingers on the ( palate, and to those who know its 1 taste, the price, like that of cham- I num pagne, is a secondary consideration. 1 wjje Hence we find fruits imported from Mexico, Hawaii and other countries selling at $2 and more per dozen wholesale, and the demand constant- j ly growing. j It is hardly probable that here in j this country we can ever produce . fruit quite equal in size to the largest j """ from the tropics, but there are smal- | """" ler and hardier varieties which are j no whit inferior, but rather better in [ flavor and richness, which have been found to do well. These are from > local or Mexican seeds whose ances- i tors for many generations have grown , in a climate much like our own. j ^ As there are uncommonly great va- j riation in the time of blooming and I also in the period required for the ' fruit of different types of trees to J come to maturity, an orchard may be | K" obtained by selection which will bear . j x continuously. This Is, of course, very | j desirable to the consumer and material to the market grower, as there the is plenty of demand at all times. J 8ire To conclude with just a word of j [ng( prophecy, or query rather. The next j hove "craze" will be about the Avocado? i can | able Lost the Simple Maiden. ] ^ ? "To-morrow," sighed the simple j ^ ^ maiden, "is my birthday." j and It was a hint that young Smith , ghov knew would be expensive to under- j ^Qn stand. But the simple maiden was ; ^ ' heiress to ?20,000, was decidedly i - ^ comely, and they were engaged. So j ^ . he decided to plunge. i leag( "Any one could guess your age, so j ,jia,] simple are your ways," he said, "and j ( I'll show how I'll guess it. To-mor- j caug ! row you will receive a bunch of crim- j rga(j son roses, and in that bunch there ; reac will be one rose, my pet, for every lg a] year that you have lived." ' gll0lJ That night Smith wrote a note to ! his florist, ordering the immediate de- J livery of eighteen roses to his lady ___ fair. The florist read tht .- and said ! to his wife: "Here's young Smith wants us to i send a bouquet of one and a half j dozen crimson roses to Park lane. W. i He's been a good customer, lately. ; Throw in an extra dozen for lucK." | Smith's presents were returned | within the hour, and to this day he 1 j can't imagine why the engagement \ | was broken off.?Tid Bits. | | Not Even the First Step. Mr. Morse having bought a new | bicycle of the most improved pattern, presented his old one to Denis Hal- I loran, who did errands and odd jobs for the neighborhood. "You will find the wheel useful ! ?i ? u.T-\o?;e > v.? i w lit-ii )uu i c in a uuiijf i/cuio, uv i said. 1 The young Irishman was loud in j his thanks, but regarded the wheel ! doubtfully. "I mistrust 'twill be a long while j ! before I can tide it," he said. "Why, have you ever tried?" asked i 1 Mr. Morse. ! "I have," said Denis gloomily. "A j frind lint me the loan o' his while he was having the moomps. 'Twas t'ree weeks I had it, an* what wid prac1 tising night an' morning, I niver got ' so I could balance mesilf standing still, let alone riding on it."?Youth's M Companion. long j elec . Man ana Mis Dog. I ^as > He lies in front of me curled up s J hpfm-f- the fire, as so manv does must ! 1 " have laiu before so many fires. I sit ! - on one side of that hearth as so many j i men must have sat by so many j ?- ii n 1 ? ' nearcns. ouiueuuw mis ticaiuic uaa i 3 completed my manhood; somehow, 1 i I cannot explain why a man ought to I 1 have a dog. A man ought to have i , six legs; those other four legs are I f - pari of him. Our alliance is older I J i than any of the passing and priggish j , I r explanations that are offered of either i j i of us; before evolution was, we were, j J You can find :t written in a bock that I . J - I am a mere survival of a squabble of V V r anthropoid apes, and perhaps I am. M - I am sure I have no objection. But ffl t my dog knows I am a man, and you ?S s will not find the meaning of thai Eft r word written in any book as clearly, Rfl 1 as it is written in his soul.?G. K, '' -1 Chesterton, in London News._. IN THE FORI CANADA'S PERFECT < Sir Wilfrid Laurier, Prime Minister rtesy of a French gentleman of the old men without which he would never ha he greatest community now ranking as Automatic Fire Kir.dler. lave fho shall be first out of bed In the c&us ning to shut up the kitchen fire? the ( knotty problem has caused inlerable lamily squabbles between c : and husband. Each insists that A 1 grat |' free ' I Iette nece wag j two I but' other shaii do it, while both de-' to take another wink before arisespecially if the thermometer >rs a'round the zero mark. Both now be relieved of this disagreebut nevertheless essential task quipping the range with an autoIc apparatus invented and patenty a Texas man. The construction operation of this apparatus is rn in the accompanying illustraIt is conected to a small clock, latter being set to the hour when 'desired to bring up the fire. At road prearranged moment a spring re- mail js a balance weight, pulling a leng q attached to the lever controlling of tl TKrt lnt+OP lo nn??nA/1 rtrnn hi an. x uc laiici is tuua uptutu,??? ing the fire to come up and be pusl y for cooking when the .housewife agal hes the kitchen. The apparatus so arranged to kindle a new fire T! Id such be wanted. A number of tena :hes are secured to a plate in tion t of the open grate. When the at T 'POSED TO BE THE LARGEST GRI2 COLUMBIA New Massage Tool. all Masseurs of modest, means need no advt ;er wince at the cost of expensive and trie machines, for a man in Ohio sists devised a vibrator that answers of i: is o _ i I11& | othe t0 n >jJ han Stic mmmmmm~mm~mmmmmmm?m??mmi any GENTLEMAN. of the Dominion, embodies the school with the capacity to manve become leader of the Liberals a British colony. r is released the matches are ted to ignite, the flame reaching paper in position in the range. onvenient For Rural Postman, man In Alabama has earned the itude of the postmen of the rural delivery system by inventing a sr-box support which obviates the issity of their leaving their ons at every house. This not savpq thp nnsfman an hour OI a day and a great deal of trouble. *| enables him to cover a larger ter- I y. The contrivance is simply a r-box mounted on a pair of lazylevers, the other end of which ? be fastened to a post along the I II j | ] side. When the farmer gets his j J he extends the tongs to their full > 1 th so that the box is'within reach j ( ie postman's wagon. The latter I is the mail into" It, and gives it a j i which sends it back to the post j 1 n. I j 9 tie Dutch will celebrate the cen- ' ry of the re-establishment of na- j al independence by a world's fair he Hague in 1913. 3 :ZLY EVER SHOT IN BRITISH , ?From the World's Work. 1 ] ordinary purposes and has the j j intage of being always "charged" j easily portable. The device con- I i of a casing containing a train | ntermeshed gearing, which latter I perated by a crank shaft project- j J outside the casing. At one end . , he instrument is a handle and the ( :r end is of semibowl shape, fitted ; iceive a spherical member of some J i material which will vibrate to | operation of the gearing. On 1 j hard sphere a soft spherical ' , ubor is mounted, laterally, and : ( n the soft sphere is placed in con- ; with the face or body of the sub-1 and the crank is turned the vi- j ;ions of the hard ball are com- j licated to the soft one in such a j as to make the latter beat a ; 1 oo and produce an effect very siru- j to that of an electric vibrator. ,ieutenant-General Baden Powell two favorite mottoes. One is, i n't flurry; patience wins the ; ," and the other, "A smile and a < k will carry a man through almost difficulty." SOW SHE KEPT THERMOMETER COOL. Woman Moved It Outdoors When Temperature Rose in Rooms of Her Dwelling. A prominent physician of Baltimore tells an amusing experience of the early days of his practice when he was residing in a small town where by far the majority of the workers were coal miners, says the La Crosse Chronicle. "I was greatly distressed by the unsanitary conditions prevailing in their cottages," says the doctor, "and among other things I tried to explain to each household the importance of maintaining a wholesome atmosphere In the sleeping rooms. I laid in a stock of thermometers, which were distributed to the households where they were most needed. I took pains to point out to each family in turn just how the thermometer would Indicate the proper degree of temperature. "As I was making the rounds one day I inquired of the woman at the head of one establishment, wherein [ observed my thermometer proudly displayed -at the end of a string, whether she had followed my Instructions. u 'Yes, sir,' answered she. 'I'm eery careful about the temperature. [ watch the thing all the time as it hangs up there.' " 'What do you do when the temperature rises above 68?' "'I take it down, sir, an' put'it outside till It cools off a bit.' " Pigeon Whistle Concerts. A traveler In Eastern lands tells us the following little story of the Chi oese ana tneir most unique pigeon whistles: * ' 3Pne of the moot curious expresjldjra of emotional life in China is :he application of whistles to a flock 3f pigeons. These whistles, very ight, weighing hardly a few grammes ire attached to the tails of young pigeons soon after their birth, by means of a fine copper wire, so that when the birds fly the wind will blow through the whistles and set them ribrating, thus producing an open air concert, for the instruments in one md the same flock are tuned differing. On a serene day in ?ekin, where these instruments are manufactured with great cleverness and ingenuity, it is possible to enjoy tills ierial music while sitting in one's room. . , "There are two distinct types of whisles?those consisting of bamboo tubes placed side by side, and a type placed on the principle of tubes attached to a gourd body or wind chest. rVit^rr orn lon.nifn rollnw hrnwn Ui w lUV^UVt ;viivn, W* W ? red and black to protect the material from destructive influences of the atmosphere. The tube whistles have slther two, .three or five tubes. In 3ome specimens the five tubes are made of *)x-horn instead of bamboo, rhe gourd whistles are furnished with a mouthpiece, and small apertures tothe number of two, three, six, ten and even thirteen. Certain among them have besides a number of bamboo tubes, some on the principal mouthpiece, some arranged around it. These varieties are distinguished by different names. Thus i whistle with one mouthpiece ajd ten tubes Is called 'the eleven eyed Dne.' "?New York Tribune. The Deadly P. S. "Harry, love," exclaimed Mrs. Knowall to her husband, on his return one evening from the office, "I lave b-been d-dreadfully insulted!" "Insulted!" exclaimed Harry, love. "By whom?" "B-by your m-mother," answered :he young wife, bursting into tears. "My mother, Flora? Nonsense! 3V?q'q m \ loa a tit q tt nn a via if* t n nnnr Tom I" Flora dried her tears. "I'll tell you all about it, Harry, ove," she said. "A letter came to rou this morning, addressed In your mother's writing, so, of course, I?I jpenedlt." "Of course," repeated Harry, love, Iryly. "It?it was written to you all the ivay through. Do you understand?" "I understand. But where does the insult come in?" "It?it came in the p-p-postcript," iried the wife, bursting into fresh ?oods of briny. "It s-sald: 'P. P. P. S.?D-dear Flora, d-don't f-fail to ;ive this 1-letter to Harry. I w-want aim to have it.' "?Tit-Bits. Marketing a Pfew Product. Mrs. Dexter, from somewhere down State, was enjoying her first ride in a :rowded street car in Chicago. It iappened that a health officer, in the performance of his regular duties, ivas taking a sample of the air in the lar. Mrs. Deiter saw his manipulalions, but could not understand them, so she turned to a policeman who was sitting next to her. "I beg your pardon," she said, "but :an you tell me what that man is dong?" "Yes, ma'am," answered the officer. 'He's bottling th' atmosphere." "For mercy's sakes!" exclaimed VIrs. Dexter. "What won't they do jext! Do they can the air and sell t nowadays?"?Youth's Companion. Taken at His Word. While holding a term of court at Augusta once, Judge Walton sentenced a man to seven years in prison for a grave crime. The respondent'? :ounsel asked for a mitigation of the sentence on the ground that the pris jner's health was very poor. "Your Honor," said he, "I am satisfied that my client cannot live out half that term, and I beg of you to change the sentence." "Well, under those circumstances," said the Judge, "I will change the sentence. I will make it for life instead of seven years." It is almost needless to add that the respondent chose to abide by the original sentence, which the Judge permitted him to elect. Last year the British Admiralty abolished the use of carrier pigeons, as the result of the demonstrated success of wireless telegraphy. The French Admiralty is about to adopt^ the same course. i HOUSEHOLD HATTERS.! v J \[5vvvC^\^?vvvvvvvtvV'C'*' __ Needed For Baby. In years gone by all little tots were made comfortable and grew up into i sturdy men and women, but never were there so many pretty things for #the baby as now; what was once considered a luxury is now a necessity. It is an unfortunate baby indeed who is not presented with a lingerie basket at birth. All around the inside are separate j baskets attached to the sides, and in i each one is kept some necessary article. The top basket has a lid, and the lower baskets are wadded and lined in blue or pink silk. There is also an- enameled wash^ stand.?New Haven Register. i Pretty Table Cover, Use ordinary denim which can be purchased in all the durable shades for a very small sunL As- it is narrow, take twice the required length of the cover and Join the edges together with one over and over stitch, which is hardly discernible if done neatly. Turn a hem about five inches wide on the rieht side, the dark against the light making an effective border, finish the corners neatly in bias fashion and finish the- entire hem with feathexstltching or French knots in heavy silk. Press well and behold, you have a charming and serviceable cover for a small sum and little time.?New Haven RegisterBrass Tea Service. A brass tea service is not only useful, but may be an exceedingly effective part of the decorative scheme. If possible a samovar should take the place of the kettle. They are really most practical and convenient?especially for serving tea to a number of guests?though so (little understood and used in this country. Boxes for preserved fruit or ginger, and trays of all shapes and sizes can be had at very moderate cost, aid are reallybeautiful. The brass is no harder to clean than silver, and a slight cloud of tarnish gives it a pinkish>ast much admired by artists, however it may affect the housekeeper. In a living room -where a touch of waj-m color is needed, nothing could be better than a table set with well-selected brasses.. ?New Haven Register. Oil For Shoe Soles. "What am I doing to my trew shoes?" said a young woman from Camden, as she carefully placed them ! in a pan of some liquid. "I am going | to let them soak over night in olive oil. Oil, no, I do noi completely j^iimerse them, uppers and all?simply the soles. "It is a trick I was taught several years ago when a shoe manufacturer, the father of one of my friends,'told me that shoes would prove much more durable if a treatment of thissort were given. ( "Either olive or castor oil is equally good. Then I rub' a cloth, dipped in the oil, over the upper part of the shoe. "I am never troubled with creaky shoes, and my footwear lasts a re markably long time," she continued. ?Philadelphia Ledger. A Block of Magnesia. Here is a way to clean a white lace waist 'that is equal to any dry cleaning process and one that requires an: outlay of only b few cents Instead of the dollars usually required to make a soiled lace waist again presentable. This is nothing more formidable than a simple cake of magnesia. Rub the magnesia thoroughly over the garment in question, paying extra attention to- the more soiled places, roll it in a cloth' and lay It away for several days; then shake It lightly to dislodge any of the chalky substance that may cling to it, and you will behold a metamorphosed waist that will delight your eyes with its freshness. -?J T?or a Tan- hp rfw urease auu u?n. unj moved from silk and woolen clothes by the use of magnesia. Scrape a quantity upon the spotv cover with brown paper and place a hot flat-Iron over it. The heat of 4he iron acts upon the magnesia in the same way that it does upon French chalk, which' used to be employed for the same purpose; and when the iron and the pa' per are removed and the magnesia brushed off the offending spot will have disappeared.?The Housekeeper.. rlSgPfo fei \L -,&NP TIGW TO *Wm?' PREPARE TffEX Broiled Cold Hani.?Slice cold ham i very thin. Boil a very few minutes. ' Serve hot. Syllabub.?Whip a 3mall cupful of powdered sugar into a quart of rich cream, another cupful of sugar into the whites of four eggs. Mis. these i together and flavor to taste, j Baked Heart.?Wash carefully and i ctnte nipoiv roast or bake, and serve with gravy, thickened with some of the stuffing. Very nice hasksd with a little lemon juice added. Tea Cake.?One quart of dour, ona cup of sour ruilk, on-3 teasuoonful of | soda, one-half pound o? lard, one-half j pound chopped raisins or currants. I 0^11 jnniw>? thir'f. hake in a nuick ; HUU WIW oven, split open. Butxer ana oat while hot. Pond Lily Toast.?Soil eg^s fiflsea minutes, separate whites and yoiks. Cut whites fine, warm with cream or milk, butter, salt and pepper and spread over toasted slices of bread, press yoiks through a line strainer over the top, an ess to a pcrsoD and one over. Delmonico Pudding.?One pint of milk, put on to scald, three eggs, beat yolks, dissolve three tablespoonfuls of | cornstarch and three tablespooufuls j of sugar in a little milk. Stir nil in scalded milk. After it thickens pour ! into dish, beat the whites, put on the i top aud set in the ovoa to brown. | Use oue teaspoonful vacilU to flavor. .. v.: :-"v; FIRST AID TO THE EAST. , J *vf- ?t. Vjtf.lMHi Buy it on credit; it costs only double; Buy it on time, though you starve at the ' task; ' Boy it from agents who browbeat and trouble; Buy it in stores for whatever they #sk; Buy "it at bargain sales?soon you'll be wiser; ' < j Buv it in holiday mobs, million-deep; I But 'ware cf the snare of the friendly adTia'er? The - man who-Lnows-where-yoti-can-buyit-cheap! Bur it at auction, and live to regret it; Buy it from peddlers and throw it a^ay: Take your cash down to a racetrack ana bet it; Lend it to friends who'll "return it next day." /.jgS If you insist upon sauandering money, i tS/v ArmA Vmt a. \rid(? XJ\J luc it uua4(i j ?* * ? ? sweep " _ v/fryflSj To him wno would trim you with words made of honey, The friend of a friend who will sell to you cheap! He's got a "drag" with 'em; he treed to work there; All that he want3 he can get at halfprice. Here's his friend, Jones, who's the reigning Big Turk there? ' " I Knows that he's got you, caught, canned ' and on ice. ' ! How shall vou squirm as the values grow fancy? . ' " Matter of friendship?you can't crawl and creep! 80 pay and be gay?'tis an old necromancy, But deuced expensive?this buying things ( cheap. ?Che3ter Firkins, in Puck. Mabel?"Of course you 3peak t? Lena when' you pass her?"; Helen? "Indeed, I do not. Why, I don't even notice what ahe has on!"?Puck. "It is hard to1 teach an old dog new tricks," quoted the Wise Guy. "Yes, it's hard to find the new tricks," added the Simple Mug:?Philadelphia Record. ' x Gertie?"Do all' fairy tales begin with 'once upon a time'?" - Bertie? "No, most of them begin with 'I waj * jja detained at the office, dear.' ?Seat- y y? tie .Post-inteiiigencer.. The editor's note, ^Inclosed find check,"" Can never bring by way of bliss Such joy as the maiden gives when sheReturns with thanks her lover's kiss.. . ?The Bohemian. "Say, Daisy, did' yer see when I took hold of yer hand the funny looi yer ma gave me?" "Go on,. Tim, ma didn't give it to yer; you've al* ways had it."?Life. "Did your father die seized of much property?" asked the lawyer. "No," ' -W; replied the disconsolate heir,. "h? " died seized of the sheriff.?Philadelphla Public Ledger. Professor?"Who was- responsible )t for the superiority of Rhodes lir th? third jentury?" Bright Student (awakening)?"The street depart ment, I imagine.":?Harvard. Lam- ' poon. "Yes," said Mrs. Lapsllng, "Johnny's all right now. When he- wa? . v ' bitten by that strange dog r toofc ) him to a doctor's and had the wound ostracized right away."?Chicago TrL ^ bune. , "There is one loss- that a man "jjj&S never advertises," says the Philoso pher of Folly, "that of his reputation ' But he can always be sure that kind friends will attend teg tfiat for ?Cleveland Leader.. The stammering statesman' stood up , \*.y And to offer a toast raiaed hia cup, But although "Presideht" Was the word that he meant^ He could only say "Pup?pup . 1 v ^ \ , -pup?pup-"- v '42? ?Puck. Countryman (to doctor)?"ThinH : T hain't well, doctor. The more eats the less I wants loike." Doctor , J'*, (ftnpressively)?"Ah, yes, of course You see, everything you eat flies tc ! your stomach."^?Punch. "We will teach those Trusts a thingor two," said the statesman. "Don'f do it," answered Senator Sorghum; "my observation is- that the Trusts never learn anything new without making it a source of further profit/ Washington Star; , " V V.SBj Concerning Knickerbockers^ v'' A burning question which divide* golfers into two hostile camps is the . ! nVininQ. hetwppn knickerbockers antf [trousers. The majority now favor th?' ; latter. To a man*, with a really well I turned calf and neat ankles I should say wear knickerbockers whenevei J you: get a chance.. One player I knew >. **'' -v; who had calves .that seemed to begir i just above the ankles,, used to. weai knickerbockers because he said It put his. opponent off his play. Apropos # ; " ! of this, a small Whitechapel urchii ' j ?who had never before been out pi that non-golfing neighborhood?wai j rieen gazing at a Herculean sportsman 1 in knickerbockers.. Seeing the open- ' 1 : >. mouthed stare of the urchin the golf- ?' er asked: "Well,, my Ilttie man, whal are you thinking about*"*' The replj being, "I'm thinking its time yei i mother put yer in trauser^l"?Lonj d;on Globe. : #3 " m rfnA T?nenn^t. IMUUJl 4-uo ju<^w I The equipment of the London lire j brigade was last week augumented by two motor appliances, each -comprising a petrol motor escape vat , and combined "first *ld" fire engine. ) These machines, which are driven by . -/ a fifty-five horse power four-cylinder motor,, can travel at a speed ol twenty-five miles: an hour on the level with a full load and can negotiate : any hill in the London district. They j were officially tested during the se7j vere snowy weather experienced at j the beginning ot March. The roads j were covered for some inches with J snow, which severely disorganized j the horse traffic, but ao difficulties ' j were experienced by the rubber tired ? motors. The tests wera quite satis? factory, the speed being well main? I tained in spite of the adverse condi* j tions.?London Times. r A Long Farewell. She (effusively)?"How nine it is to have met you again after all these years, my dear Capt. Burlington." He?"Major now! That was ten year a ago. you know." Shi (still more effusively)?"How tim:> flies! Well, congratulations and good-by. I hope- you'll be a general when next we meet."?Punch.