Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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*Jf W1 Mynhei i 9999999T* BY ST. qtOKQt COPTEIOHT 189S, EOBJ CHAPTER XXIII. [Continued.] "Klto, yon have your orders," be says In English, -which language most Hindoos speak. "Oh, yes, sahib?the hotel; it is all rigiit," replies the Hindoo driver, who has been bought, body and soul, with Russian gold. Away they go; an l en route the baron chuckles to himself a dozen times as he pictures the consternation and jealous rage of his Yankee rival at finding him so favored by the fair American. He caresses the scented note from time to time, and has read It so often that each word comes distinctly before him, thus: "The writer begs leave to inform the baron that she will receive him at eight this evening and be at home to no one else. Regarding the proposition contained in his letter, the near future can decide better than the present." What can he make of this other than a willingness to surrender? He, the cunning diplomat, who in times past has met and successfully wrestled with the most masterly questions of the day, now finds himself in the tolls of the merciless little gt)d Cupid, who throws dust in his eyes and temporarily blinds him. At the appointed time the vehicle | pulls up before the hotel, and Baron Popoff alights. He bows to several people, looks at his time-piece, smiles j to note the exactness of his arrival; for the diplomat is a great stickler at . punctuality, and, if going to his exe- . cntion, would want the volley fired at the proper time to the second. , Then he enters the caravansary and ; glveB his card to a waiter. Presently that functionary returns with the in- , formation that the lady is in the par- , lor, and conducts the baron thither. ( He finds Molly and her father, in the ( mall parlor, quite alone. The pres- . ence of the senator is not exactly to i.hp Uklne of this ardent lover; but since the game seems to be playing J Into hie hands, he does not see how he can feel vety badly about it.. Af- ' ter all, the question is only one of ; time. He believes he has won by vlr- , tue of his name, and the father as well , a8 the daughter favors his suit. f No one knows better how to carry himself in the drawing room than the baron, for he has mixed much with royalty in his own land and other countries where he has been sent as Russia's agent ' j He apologizes to Demosthenes Tan- ] ner for the scene in Cairo, and hopes H i has been quite forgotten. At this the I ? giant from Illinois laughs good-natur- 1 edly and declares ; that all parties ] ought to be satined; at least, as he i and the baron came out of the small end of the horn -together, there is no j reason they should be foes. i Conversation becomes general, and < the diplomat exerts nimseu 10 mu&r a good lmpre88ioD on the Btout legisla- i tor and bis daughter. He has a large 1 bump of conceit, and believes that a6 < the evening passes be draws nearer his goal. Several times he finds an opportunity J to whisper to Molly. She blushes beau- ' tlfully and holds a warning finger up. < saying: 1 "Not yet, baron. You must wait un- ' til we know each other better." 1 'Then the courteous Russian bows < and smiles and mentally pats his shoulder as he sees victory in the near 1 future. Poor fool! So the mighty ] Samson of old may have congratulated himself when making love 'o Delilah, never dreaming that he would awaken to find his head shorn and his strength gone. So many another giant in the history of the world has been brought to his Waterloo by" means of the blinding god Cupid. One thing gives the baron the keenest delight. He drinks the sweet cun to the dregs. While engaged in an animated conversation with Molly, as he describes the glories of the Russian capital in winter, he chances to glance toward the end of the little parlor. Here a fine mirror is set in the wall, for the furnishings of the room an1 superb. It is in this glass he sees what ] pleases him. A man stands in the large drawing- ] room?a man he has good reason to : remember, since it was his sword that : pierced the baron's shoulder under the palms on the bank of the Nile. Mynheer Joe makes no move to advance. He seems to have come upon the scene by accident, and is rooted to the spot. The wily diplomat sees his opportun?- . ty. Jtie win now proceed xo piu u weapon more painful than a sword itto the Yankee's heart. "If you will jiardon ine for taking your hand, Miss Tanner," pleaded the baron, "I will explain to you how the laoles are supposed to act when being presented to the czarina, as I liof>e ere long you will have that pleasure." She allows it, of course, although* half understanding his motif. That Is the picture Mynheer Joe gazes upon ?his hated rival in the act of raising Molly's sweet hand to his lips. All the while the baron has one eye on the mirror. He sees the look of fury upon Joe's face, notes that be presses a hand against his brow, as though struck a blow, and turning, rushes out cf the room. Th*?n tlio rlinlomat smiles. He no longer feels the pain in bis shoulder. It has been wiped out by this last clever stroke of f'irtuue, since he believes he has giveii better than he received?a Roland for an Oliver. The Russian's -?up is full to overflowing. He thinks fortune has turned to smile upon him again. It is like a toboggan slide?one has to toil us the lilll, but the exhilaration of the descent pays for the trouble. In that descent, so speedy and grand, si] obstacles must be swept out of the ? 11 n er Joe. JRATHBORNE. EBT Bonnes SOKR. , way. Since Mynheer Joe is one of these obstructions he will find himself hurled through space perhaps before he Knows what is wrong. Little does the wily baron suspect that all this affair is a deep-laid scheme, which has for its foundation the desire to rid the little company of his hated presence. They find it impossible to breathe the same air as the diplomat, and hence there must be an exodus on the part of someone. Like everything else in this world, the evening must come to an end, although the baron makes no note of the lapse of time. He finds the old senator yawning frequently with a noise like the rushing of a mighty wind through the forest, and wonders why he does not betake himself off; but the legislator shows no signs of- doing it Evidently the suitor must content himself with the progress already made, and. leave the balance for another time. He makes an engagement for the following morning?immediately after breakfast he will be on hand with e palkee gharry to take Miss Tanner and her father to meet some of the highest dignitaries of India, just at this time chancing to be in Bombay. The American girl accepts the invitation in a way that at another time might excite a little suspicion In the brain of the diplomat, but just now he is too Intoxicated by love to notice It. This is what Miss Molly says: "We will be ready to go with you when you come, baron. Eight o'clock, remember." "To the minute," he responds, bowing low over her hand, and even daring to press it. The young girl smiles as she bids him good night, while Demosthenes bubbles over in his effusive way. Both are thinking of the same thing, that at eight o'clock on the following day Baron Popoff in order to keep his engagement may have to walk over miles Df green water, unless the carefully laid planB of the plotters fail to operate. The next hour will tell. It Is fraught with deep suspense for Molly, rhe senator retires, but she continues to keep her seat in the parlor, awaiting news. CHAPTER XXIV. "bon voyage, mtnheejb joe I" The baron finds his vehicle awaiting him jusf outside the hotel. His driver is on hand, and with his usual form 3hows the* nobleman into the carriage. Some jocular remark is made by the baron. Who is" in such a decidedly jolly humor that he can even notice a menial. Just as they are about to move off, a man gives a signal, and'the baron stops the vehicle while he holds a low consultation. The driver sits like a Statue. If he hears, he gives no evidence of it; at any rate, the talk must t>e a sealed book to him, for the men converse In Russian. "Move on, Kito," comes the order. The stranger has not entered the vehicle, and yet, when the driver casts a look behind, he fails to see him. Of course, the shadows are dense along ander the trees near the hotel, and !t may be he has secreted himself among these. . Again it is possible he hangs jn behind the vehicle. Away tfcey go, in a cloud of dust, in the direction of the city proper, where lights still abound, and there is no 3ign of sleep, such as would be falling upon an American city at this hour. The baron leans back in his equipage and gives himself up to delicious reflection. He has won many diplomatic victories in the past, but, realit* fn? tho nf? nf him. he cannot re member ooe that has given him half as much genuine pleasure as this signal conquest. He declares he is beginning to grow old; that this is the real reason Mynheer Joe got the better of him in the affair of honor. But if he is unable to wield the sword with the same dexterity as of yore, he has gained in other things. As a man grows older, he is apt to prove more foolish with regard to love affairs. The baron knows it, and does not deny the soft impeachment with regard to himself. It is time he was marrying and keeping his place in the family. These sorts of comfortable reflec tions come to his mind when he lolls back in comfort in the shigram and thinks of the future. Mynheer Joe, outwitted at last and deserted by tlic fair American, will fly from India. The baron may finish his diplomatic task with honor, proceed with his bride to St. Petersburg and be received with great eclat by both potentate and people whom he has mutually served by his brilliant work. Thus he muses, smoking his cigar meanwhile and taking life as comfortable as he can. It strikes him that the vehicle is tossing about more than is necessary, if the driver has taken the direct road, and the baron idly thrusts his head out of the open window. The moon is concealed for the time, being back of some clouds, so that all he can make out is that the neighborhood does not seem familiar. Just then there is a prand lurch: one side of the shigram drops into a small cavity in the street, and the baron com.?s very near being tossed out. He has the breath somewhat shaken from his body by the sudden concussion. Th; vehicle comes to a sudden stand. This makes the baron furious; he has a violent temper that occasionally flashes into hot heat when things do not go to please him. "Kito!" he roars, shaking the door. "Salv_, 1 am here," answers a voice. "On, you are! Unfasten this door! i cannot make it slide," snaps the baron. "Sahib. W opens this way." Whereupon the baron steps out upon the street. "Where are we?" he demands, looking around at the dimly seen houses, with their strange fronts. "I do not recognize the place. This is not the road from the hotel to my rooms?the road we traveled over in going. Speaic Kito!" "It is not sahib," meekly replies the humble driver, who stands close by him. t<TT?m 4-V.tn /tATYlA mioorn hlfl nuw UUCO IJJ1D WiiiCf iu?ov?i?w.v dog?" demands the Russian, half tempted to chastise the wretch who has led him into this pickle. "It is my fault. I thought to tak-? a short cut to your rooms. The moon betrayed me. I saw not this hole. Thank Allah It Is no worse," replies the other, endeavoring apparently to conciliate him; hut the enraged Russian grows warmer every minute. " 'No worse!' You fool: unless wa can lift the wheel out of the hole, I may have to walk?all through your stupidity! Do you know, I've a mind to teach you a lesson such as the serfs In Russia learned long ago!" With that, the baron, blind with passion, leaps over to the vehicle and snatches the whip. It is a wicked-looking Instrument of torture, especially in the hand of one who knows how to handle such h thing; and the baron, no doubt, has ' 1 ~~ rr c-TnArra-Anrrc rilir. I iiUU eApei leuit; auiuiit, oitubv ing his journeys in the frozen wastes of Siberia to be able to pluck a piece of flesh from a certain 6pot on an animal. An adept with such a whip can annihilate a horse-fly that has lodged upon the back of the leader, and, although the report sounds like the discharge of a pistol, the animal has not been even touched. It can be set down as certain, therefore, that the person familiar with a whip has no desire to feel such an instrument of torture laid upon his back or legs. Kito raises his hand in pro test. "Sahib, forbear! It would not be well for you to strike me," he says calmly. The moon has appeared again. It shows a singular spectacle?the shigram partly turned over, the angry ^baron, whip in hand, and the splendid figure of his Hindoo driver standing there In an attitude of fearless warning, his right arm raised as If to keep the Russian from going too far. Perhaps the baron had seen the knout laid upon wretched humanity so often in his native land that his first inclination Is to use a whip upon ono rnw nrhnm hp hns conceived a sudden anger, not counting the consequences. That may do when applied to*,tbe debased serfs of Russia, but it will not be endured In this land, where proud blood flows through the veins of even the meanest of the people. The baron does not know what he invites. He sees the action of his driver, and instead of moderating his zeal, It enrages him still more. You scoundrel! Dare to threaten me, a Russian nobleman I Take that*' Even as he speaks he gives the cruel whip a sudden momentum. The lash cuts the air and comes with a tremendous snap against the limbs of the Hindoo driver. He simply gives an exclamation, although the pain must be intense. Hardly has the blow been struck than the Q+hioH*? fnrm of the driver Is seen in motion. Instead of retreating, he springs toward the baron. Already be Is too near the Russian for the other to apply the lash a second time. He immediately drops the whip, baling no further use for It, and throws himself into an attitude of self-defense. In addition to being a master with the foils and a champion pistol-shot:, , the baron has done what Russian officers do not practice as much as their British cousins; he knows the science of self-defense. He is not a giant in Size, nor yet a pigmy, but a well- , formed man, with muscles hardened by constant exercise. Thus, when the Hindoo driver comcs plunging at him, Baron Popoff assumes his favorite attitude and expects to lay the fellow out with one solid blow. Like many another man, he counts without his host As the driver reaches the baron, he, too, has bis bands before bim In pugilistic style. There is a quick Interchange of blows, some lightning counters, and the dull sound of a heavy stroke is heard. Baron Popoff gives no cry, but sinks to the ground several feet away, senseless. Perhaps, in that brief space of time when he finds his most difficult leads met and parried by his antagonist, some dim suspici6n of the truth may have flashed into his brain. No common Hindoo driver could use his fists in that style. Before he has time to form a definite conclusion however, there comes the blow that all his science cannot ward off, and the unlucky Russian knows no more until he opens his eyes on a strange scene, with the shores of India low down in the east. Others have made their appearanceMr. Grimes himself. Besides, here is Kassee and Sandy Barlow. Then the Hindoo driver, Kito, ths man who delivered such a telling blow to the baron, must also be an old acquaintance. Mr. Grimes has him by the hand. In a cherry tone he exclaims: "That was a knockout worthy of a Sullivan, Mynheer Joe. It cancels all your past obligations to the baron." "He struck me with the whip, the beggar," says Joe, ruefully rubbing the spot where the terrible lash had flecked him and drawn blood. "It's lucky for him my nature differs from lilo fiwn nr I'd hnvp his life for tha* blow." "If you haven't taken it already. I'm afraid you've broken bis neck," sa/fc Grimes. "Oh, no! He'll come to presently. We have the chloroform ready to dose him. Come, lay hold of the wheel. She went in as neat as you please," from which talk it may be inferred that there has been something singular about the accident that has occurred to the baron's palkee gharry. The vehicie is raised upon a sound portion of tue pavement. Then the still senseless Russian nobleman is placed within, and Sandy gets aloojrside, having the chloroform ready, while the man who has taken the place of the original Kito, who lies la a stupor at this hour in the rear of the Malabar Hotel, his liquor uhviuk uc?. drugged, mounts to the driver's seat "You will look after that party, sir?" he calls back. "Rest easy. When he comes to, in the morning, he will find himself lying by the Towers of Silence, with no one to tell him how he got there. Go your way, Joe," returns Mr. Grimes. An hour later, the strange passenger is handed up the side of the good ship Avalanche. A few low words are exchanged between the captain and the swarthy Hindoo, whose arms seem of steel; then a warm handshake, a "God bless you, Mynheer Joe!" and they sep arate. As Joe and the little newspaper correspondent leave the boat at the ghaut, they see the ship gliding toward the sea and bearing the vindictive Russian diplomat to far-away Valparaiso. In all probability he will never cross their path again. The little party met at the early chota hazri, and around the table the story is told in low tones. Even the old war-horse, Demosthenes Tanner, confesses to a feeling of relief, now that the baron will give them no more trouble. He experiences the sensations of a man who, after vainly striking repeatedly at a bothersome fly, finally succeeds by a lucky blow in demolishing his tormentor. It is not necessary that we should follow these friends further. With the disappearance of the baron from the field, their troubles cease, and the sea before them promises pleasant sailing. Mynheer Joe manages his case wllh wisdom and tact Much planning is done by those concerned, and, finally, when they reach Calcutta, the viva cious Molly becomes Mrs. Mynneer Joe. It is decided that Joe and his bride set sail for China, to explore that country, while the others head for New York, via London. * Thus, one pleasant July morning? the most delightful of all months In India?these two stand on the deck of the Hong &ong steamer, waving farewell to the friends on shore, while the fog-horn voice of the Illinois statesman comes over the green waters like a benlson, calling: t "Bong voyage, Mynheer Joe, bonsr voyage, dear boy!" And there the curtain falls. The End. Holland's Modern Navy. Though on? of the smallest of the European States, Holland possesses colonies sixty times her own size, with a population estimated at about 40,000,000. For the policing of the coasts of these territories a considerable navy is maintained, not indeed of the first rank, as two centuries ago, but holding a respectable place among those of second rank. She has no large seagoing fleet, but is well provided with monitors and coast defence ships, and the cruisers which have been bnllt were principally intended for police purposes among the numerous islands composing the colonial possessions. Recently, however, a start has been made in naval construction, and a number of small armor-clads, sea-going cruisers and vessels specially designed for colonial service have been built, are building or decided on. Among the more modern vessels are the Koniginn Wilhelmlna der Nederlander, of 4600 tons and seventeen knots speed, built in 1892; the Holland, Zeeland and Friesland in 189(1, of 3900 tons each and nineteen knots Rn#>pri and thp TTtrppbt. Gelderland (In which President Kroger recently made his voyage from Delagoa Bay to Marseilles) and Noord Brabant, of 3950 tons each and twenty knots speed, built in 1888. The first named is a compromise between the battleship and protected cruiser, and the second three are lightly-protected cruisers. The last three named may,be described as armored cruisers?New York Sun. Fallnreof the Dlaplay of Leonlda. The display of Leonids has been very disappointing, ilily a few having been seen. It Is probable that their orbit has become changed, taking them further away from us. Assistant Professor Weridell, of Harvard University, says that unless during the next thirty-three years there shall be another change in the orbit of the meteors, bringing them back near the earth, we shall see no more of the ancient November shower of Leonids. The few -which have been seen this year were stray meteors which had wandered out of the regular path. The principal cause of the change In the orbits of the Leonids is that there has been some disturbance in space which has brought a large body near the path of the Leonids, thus exerting an attraction on them and causing them to change their orbit.?Scientific American. Pnglligin In Japan. The extent to which the Japanese are becoming Eurqpeanlzed in the less essential matters of life is shown by the manner in which our sports and pastimes are taken up by the vernacular press. The recent fight between Fitzsim? - * -mnn rnnArfod fit IUO LIS HliU OXJU1A.CJ TTUO i^VliVU ?v length by mrre than one Tokio paper, their nam a the native syllabary becoming Shiyakel and Fuitsuzushimon. Facts like this and also ,the no less remarkable one that the last of the shoguns or mayors of the palace, who treated the Mikado as a puppet and reigned as ubsolute princes, is now to be seen riding a bicycle in Tokio, show how thoroughly the Japanese have turned their hacks on their old ways and ideas.?London Mail. A Freiirlier'ti Remarkable Ta?k. A preacher in England has three times written out the whole contents of the Now Testament. He has done Kid irith the nhippt of familiarizing himself with the \arious books, which he claims to have in this way completely mastered. He always preaches from the .rt'ew Testament, ami is rather fond of boasting of his knowledge of this portion of the ^ible. Many a time he has been heard 4o say that nobody could quote any words froan it for which he could not instantly sire book, chapter and verse. j5 It Will Exceed in Size the Ancient <5 K sg Structures of Egypt. * SIDNEY LEE, a St Louis archi- ti tect, has planned a colossal h pyramidal structure for the a Exposition, which, if erected, will doubtless be one of the most striking features of the Fair, surpassing in immensity the Pyramid of Cheops at Gizeh, Egypt, which was considered by the ancients to be the first of the Seven Wonders of the .World. It is to be constructed of stone and cement and to measure at the base. D00 feet square, covering space equal to nearly four city blocks, the apex rising to a height of 500 feet From its great size and the whiteness of its cement sides it could be seen at a great distance by the incoming visitor to the Fair. In form of exterior construction, only will It present any likeness to a toe pyramia OI uneops, wmcn was " merely a solid mass gf stone, contain- ^ ing a small burial chamber for the h Egyptian King, for the interior is to a be arched Into an Immense circular s amphitheatre, 300 feet in diameter, GREAT PYRAMID WHICH MAY B LOUIS EXPI and rising in a vast dome 300 feet j] above. . Winding about on the outside of the g chamber, to a height of nearly 200 t feet, it is proposed to build galleries 8 dedicated to various purposes and F large enough in themselves to contain a large exposition. High above the % colossal rotunda of the amphitheatre, \ and near the apex of the structure, 0 there will be an observation chamber, with openings through the four sides of the pyramid. From this chamber, more than 150 feet higher than the n Ferris Wheel of the Chicago Fair, the, s visitor will get a blrdseye view of the s Exposition and the panorama of city c streets with the Mississippi River and a the green hills of Missouri and Illinois d in the distance. This chamber and in- g; termediate galleries will be reached by an inclined spiral railway, con- j structed on the principle of a moving ? sidewalk. By the side of this railway n will be a carriage (Irive and a foot path, so that three modes of ascent will be jj offered, the incline being so gradual t, that vehicles could ascend and descend a in perfect safety. Ample provisions ,c are made for lighting the interior of the structure, sunlight being admitted y ^ into tbe gallerines by means of apertures through the walls and Into the ^ amphitheatre through openings in the same, where tbe decreasing walls of the pyramid render this an easy matter At night it would be brilliantly lighted, both inside and outside, by electricity. George C. Stinde has charge of the a plans, and effort will at once be made c to interest capitalists in the project One .plan is to erect it by popular sub- v scription, similar to the method employed in raising the money for the erection of the Washington Monument, charging States, cities, societies h and individuals for the privilege of having their rames engraved upon the t.1 walls of the corridors and other parts of the structure. b Considerations in its favor are that n it being built of stone and cement E would render it fire-proof, and a per ?'<????/? em rha ovnnRitlnn raaiieui uuuuwg v_r.?? aud other purposes. The cost is estimated at about $1,000,000, which sum h the promoters think should be fuliy realized by charging admission, selling e concessions of space, etc. While the v project is one requiring an enormous c aoount of labor and study for its con- a Good Housekeeping rcirm SHOWING THE SORT OF DIET T 0 WHO WOULD ' 0 ' 11 ? ^ 6 d | AND THE FOOD HE MAY SAFELY CORN IS DEBARRED IN EXTRI LENT VEGETABLES, AS A GE> MILK MAY BE TAKEN IN SM.' : -- -/v.; J',1-' + >"" jmmation, It is entirely practicable, nd St Louis may boast. In the future, * f a structure eclipsing in jrrandeur he Egyptian mountain of stone, nown as the Pyramid of Cheops. ittle Kanjc&joo* Found in Death Valley* The quaint little animal in this picure is a minatwe kangaroo, which as now been found out West It i< n exceedingly interesting creature I J nd strides aronnd like a kangaroo, ] laking great Jumps on its hind legs, rhich are long and powerful. It also ! as a surprisingly long tail, whicb dds to its resemblance to the maruplal after which it is named. This curious creature has been found E CONSTRUCTED AT THE ST. 3SITION. a that weird place called Death Galley. Its color varies from light ;ray to dark brown, according to ita labitation, nature making its hue imilar to that of Its surroundings as a irotection against its enemies. Although called a kangaroo rat It is tot a rat at all in the true sense of he word, as it belongs to quite anther family.?New York Herald. Diplomatic Entrance. In the year 1871, when the Govern " * n A+ TT/M?. lent 01 Monsieur ?oo u Trollies, and before the national asembly had decided whether the new . onstitution of France was to be monrchical or republican, the late Comte e Paris vidted the palace at Verallles. Just^ as he was about to enter, M. ules Simon met and recognized him. towing low Monsieur Simon said with auch gravity: "If we are a republic, Count, you are a my house, and I shall be delighted a do the honors; but if we are a monrchy, then I am in your house, and annot play the host" The Comte de Paris laughed and ook M. Simon's arm. "Ah, monsieur," he said, gayly, "let ,s go in together!" A Question of Bills. A traveler in England rested at coon t a wayside inn and took luncheon, 'he landlord was a social person, and nmoontinff his hill snt down and A IC1 J?C|jtuuu|, ? ?? hatted with his guest. "By the way," the latter said, after a rhile, "what is your name?' "My name," replied the landlord, is Partridge." "Ah," returned the traveler, with a umorous twinkle in his eyes, "by the ength of your bill I should have bought it was Woodcock!" This story, as it appears in a recent ook by a distinguished English diploint, is credited with having amused Usmarck. 'it Hla Egotism. "Puffington Is pretty conceited, isn't ie?" . J "Oh, yes! There is no danger of hia ver being buried alive, for if ho 1 wasn't dead he'd rise right up in the offin during the funeral eulogy and pplaud It."?Puck. Diet Primer.; , ?. itwit ? ?i ' ? j|| ? r i i BE AVOIDED BY THE PERSON1 1 LOSE FLESH. | ? \s!*- - ^ I 1 II Co /ZtfDk. 0 1 1? .i. 3 EAT, IN MODERATION. SWEET t 3ME CASES, THOUGH SUCCU- t fERAL THING, ARE ALLOWED. t ILL QUANTITIES.' ? ' - ? ' '*' ' ' ' "; OTTO AND THE AUTO. Kb strange how fashion makes us changel the objects we admire; Ve used to sing the tireless steed, but. now the steedless tire. So Otto bought an auto, so as not to ba antique, But the thing was autocratic, As well as automatic, And the auto wouldn't auto as it ougnfl to, so to speak. T- -Li- x? ?+KH t le inougni, w get au autw^tuvu* work, ^nd first he tried a circus man and then! he tried a Turk, For he knew the circus man drove fifty horses with success. And if a man be shifty Enough to manage fifty, It's palpable enough he ought to maa? age one horse-less. for the Turk, 'tis a/so plain, deny it if you can, He ought to run an auto, since a Turk's an Ottoman. I 'Twas all no use, so Otto moved to Ala* bama, purely, That he might say: 'Tm Otto. From Mobile, and my motto: J "A Mobile Otto ought to run an automcx bile surely." rhen Otto sought to auto on the auto ad he "ought to, But the auto sought to auto as Otto neves thought to. ^ aK rramr Vinf t nc Vlrt JV Vltu lie gVW Uwv, uu. f V1J uv*. WW ought not to. A.nd Otto said: "This auto ought to autfli and it's got to." A.nd Otto fought the auto, and the autoi it fought Otto, Till the auto also got too hot to auto afl it ought to, A.nd then, great Scott! the auto shot to heaven?so did Otto? tVhere Otto's auto autos now as Otto'fl auto ought to.. ?Edmund Vance Cooke, in the Smart Set, Mrs. Smith (loosing at flat)?"But I don't see any closets." Mr. Smith? 'Why, my dear, every room's a closet."' -Town and Country. "Jabez don't seem to get along, does he?" "No, but I think he could make farmin' pay if he studied it as hard as he does checkers."?Puck. "I don't believe in parading my virtues," said Blythe. "No. I guess not,'* retorted Biggs. "It takes several to make a parade."?Indianapolis News. He ordered a saddle of mutton, k The waiter brought it, of course; "j Said he after trying to carve it, '"'Tis the saddle, no doubt, of a horse.'* .V- ?Chicago News. Sir Lucius O'Trigger ? "The gintl:* man 'I have the honor to represint, being near-sighted, insists on standing three feet nearer his adversary than his adversary to him."?King. Her cheeks were of a rosy hue, Her hair a golden Bheen, Her ears were pink, her eyes were blue/ . And yet, despite all this, 'tis true, With envy she was green. \ ?Philadelphia Record. 1 Jimmy?"Say, wud yerllke to havd long curls like dat Van Tassel kid?' Billy?"Not on yer life! Why, -when he come out of swimmin' it would tak? two hours for his hair to dry."?Chi# cago News. Nell?"Mr. Weston paid me quite a compliment at dinner last evening. He told me I ate like a bird." Belle-* "Well, he's a good judge. He runs an ostrich farm, you know." ? Philadel< phia Record. "Briggs must be getting queer in hia top story." "What's the proof?" "H6 had his bare head out of his office j window at noon yesterday, and wher^ I asked him what he was doing, he said he couldn't afford a regular hair< cut and was trying a singe."?Cleve< land Plain-Dealer. "Johnny, here you are at breakfast with your face unwashed." "I know it, mamma. I saw the little thing? that live in water through papa's mi' croscope last evening, and I'm no! going to have them crawlin' all ovei my face with their funny litjtle legs!'' ?Modern Society. Magistrate ? "I am told that you have already been convicted fourteen times on this same charge. Aren'l you ashamed to have to acknowledge to that?" Prisoner?"No, Your Wor* ship. I don't think no man oughter be ashamed of 'is conwictions." Magistrate?"Two months, without the option of a fine."?Pick-Me-Up. Mr. Cbandlcr'a Erj-ly Lesson. It was always noticed of William E. Chandler, while in the Senate, that he never allowed the present moment to pass when he' had anything to do. The word "procrastination" wa9 not Thlfl loccnn ho hflrl h.lA Ill JLIiO 1CA1V.VU. jl uio ivuwvm -v drilled Into him early by his mother, ai New England \roman of sturdy conscience and character Once, when he came home for a holiday from an academy six miles distant, she discovered that he had lefc his umbrella at Bchool. "William," said she, "you need not take off your hat. Go right back and fetch that umbrella." "But, mother," pleaded the lad* "that's six miles, and the teams are all moving this way now, so I shan't ;et a lift." ] "Then walk," was all the comfort be got. He trudged off. recovered his um? brella, and made a philosophical apjlication of this and other experi^nces in the same line to the business which filled his life at a later stage.-' Washington Post. Pigeon Flying: and Cycling Scorching. A peculiar side light was thrown upon the methods adopted in homing circles at the Northwich Petty Sessions recently. Three men were summoned for furiously riding bicycles at Comberbach, and it transpired that they were scorching along the road to the postofficc with the object of 'wiring" the arrival of their birds, rhe men, who pleaded that the homing societies ouly allowed them three minutes per mile riding time, which ivas equivalent to twenty miles an iiour, promised to abandon the pracice and revert to foot running, and vere lined five shillings each.?Londox1 3Iobe. Thousands to TV in a 850 Cup. Yachting is the most expensive sport n the world. It costs more to win a nug offered for a yacht race than to arry off a prize offered for compe ltion in any other sport. Yachtsmen vill spend thousands of dollars, and a.ke endless trouble, to win a $30 cup. s"o heavy stakes are raced for itk rachtiug, and lu this country the most successful yacht of the year will fall l long way short of winning enough o pay her expenses.?Munsey's Maga:ina ' t ''' * '. J. jK'xv.