The Abbeville press and banner. (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, March 31, 1897, Image 7
WWJtol mUYi Lll^.
^ pUR YEARS OF RICilD DISCIggy
PLINE FOR CADETS.
gWThc Pleb's Year of Servitude and
|W Submission to Hazing?I'roJf
gramme of Dally Life
and Study.
"TV "T" 0 place exists in the United
States the name of which is so
I x. closely interwoven with the
(, history of the country as that
of West Point. It was a conspicuous
place in the clays of the Revolutionary
struggle, when its topographical situation
mado it deslrn^le, and near and
about it wer* rtyicivu some of the deeds
of heroism whioli will live to the credit
of the patriotic Contiaontals while the
annals of the Republic shall last. Its
situation on the Hudson, 6avs the New
York Tribune, is one of the beauty
spots of the country, and, while great
/iKonrtflo V*ot-/s Kuon mni^a ncnr if. aina
VUB"Sta
the days of the Revolution and the relentless
hand of nineteenth century
progress has transformed many districts
near it into modem, prosaic !
to\vns, West Point remains undetiled ;
and majestic a6 it left the hand of the
great Architect, and even the modern 1
buildings which have been erected on '
heights which overlook the river
the proud monument which reclh
names of departed heroes pale i to
WsHgnificance before the picture of |
SS^Hural beauty which nothing can obra^Brate
while the Hudson winds b<*^SHth
the rocky cliffs and verdure and
H?'-' * * 11 it- --- --i ? i.u
IjH^Klllgnt BCICl meir coioro iu ilic sccuv.
gHBut to the American West Point is
^^Btractive beyond its association with
^^Ke days cf old and its natural beauty,
because from the academy which the
f Government maintains upon the reserf
vation came the men who wrote their
ff names in imperishable letters upon
the country's history and repaid in
Jiy instances with their life's blood
benefits which they received there,
ne cadets come from all parts of
country; they represent all
ies and classes of the community,
there is probably no educational
itution on the continent in which
i?n'? nnliti/ml r?r financial i
r~ ?? - ? ? I ?
standing would count for lees tban in
West Point, and where his advancement
and final graduation would depend
so thoroughly and exclusively
upon his own personal work. Cadets
are appointed by members of Congress
and by the President; and in recent
years it has been the custom to give
the places of principal and alternate
' to the aspirants by competitive examination.
A candidate must be over
seventeen years old and under twenty-two.
If he is under five feet in
height he is ineligible. He must be
perfectly formed and must be of
a "good moral" character. He
must be able to read and write
the English language correctly and to
perform, with facility and accuracy, 1
the various operations of the ground
rules of arithmetic, of redaction, of
simple and compound proportion and 1
vulgar and decimal fractions, and !
iiaVj-fe a knowledge of English grammar, j
of descriptive geography, particularly '
of jthe United States and of the counhistory.
The regulations proKvide:
"No married person shall be
W admitted as a candidate; and if any
* candidate shall be married before
graduation such marriage shall be
considered as equivalent to a resignation,
and he shall leave the institution
accordingly." After a boy has passed
the prescribed examination and has
been found qualified mentally, physically
and morally to become a cadet,
he must report on or before Jane 15
following the examination to the
Superintendent of the academy and
sign an agreement for service in the
following form:
I , of the State of , aged
vears, months, do hereby engage, witn
the consent of my parents or guardian, that
from the date of my admission as a cadet of
the United States Military Academy I will
serve in the Army of the United States lor
eight years, unless soouer discharged by comnAfpnr
niithrtrifv
Tho cadet also subscribes to an oath .
^Abupport the Constitution of the
^^Hited States, aud that he will bear ,
allegiance to the National Gov- ,
^Brnment.
The number of men in West Point ,
' is comparatively small, about 300 in .
all, and the new student becomes conspicuous
at ouce by the mauner of his
carriage and his lack of military bear- ,
ing. This is just as true of those who .
k had some experience in so-called mili
* tary schools before they came to West \
Point as of the boys who come fresh ,
i from their mother's apron strings. The ]
"setting-up" is done by upper class .
men, whose apparent severity has ,
caused many a young heart to beat .
rapidly and whose shout of "What do ,
you mean by standing that way?"' or (
L"You, I mean, you there," or "Don't ,
( yon know what your right foot is?
has caused a lump to rise in the throat
of many a new cadet who until that
THE MESS HALL.
moment fancied that he was letter perfect
and with points to spare.
The new man comes to the academy
at that time of the year when the hard
work for those who remain is over,
and camp life begins. Hard and exacting
work has been the order of the
day ; unceasing, tireless application to
the studies which extend over a wule
field has taken the time of the whole
year, and the student hails the advent {
of Jaue with joy, because it brings the j
camp f-ea'-on ami comparative rest. It
is particularly welcome to the men
who are just completing their first 1
3*ear, who will emerge from their p'eb- '
dom into full-fledged cadetship. who 1
will throw oiF tbe sailing yoke of un- | ]
r^erling, and will have a new lot of {
plebs with whom to get even for what I
they themselves have endured. And 1
so, with every yearling standing in
wait for him, the cadet enters camp lor i
a season oi about eleven weeks. {
If his heart is lot broken by the t
upper class men while in camp, and if
he passes the examination which fol- f
lowe a few months later, he becomes a <
fall-fledged cadet, with a prospect of
being graduated from the 6cbool in
fonr years. The camp trial is the
T
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I
8
2> |
9; i
% %
^ I
THE BATTLE MONUMENT.
most severe test, and ihe man who
goes through the ordeal of the peculiar
hazing to which the pleb is subjected,
who can control himself sufficiently
to take it all in the proper spirit, who
can keep up with his studies in the
mean time and acquire sufficient
? J- 1. i i?j?
ruuimeuLtirjr nau? icu^o vu umiuoij
matters to satisfy his instructors,
shows himself well qualified for the
work which will follow and for the
positions of trust and responsibility
to which he may be called later.
It does not matter who the man is,
whether he is the son of a Senator,
i General, a diplomat, or a blacksmith,
whether rich or poor, he is a
pleb with the plebs, and no power can
save him from making love to a broomstick
in the presence of a lot of upper
:lass men if they decide that he shall
io so, no influence can gain for him
the privilege of sitting in the presence
3f an upper class man unless that man
isks bim to do so, and bis ancestry,
3tation or future prospects would avail
him little if be failed to "sir" the
ACADEMIC BUILDIl
ipper class man properly and respect
ally.
The pleb is rigidly excluded from
ill the social functions, the little en;ertainments
and jollifications. He
las no part in the joys and sorrows of
ilie older men, he can make no visits,
ilthough he frequently receives such
ind at hours when they are the least
jxpected. He is treated by men who
vere possibly his friends a short time
oefore he came to the Academy in a
manner which is worse than indiffersnce,
and many a poor fellow, thinkng
it all over, and realizing that for
two years he must remain on the
reservation, with no hope for one
lav's vacation, has clenched his fists
in anger and consented to remain only
because the hardship of it all was
better than the brand of cowardice
with which he would be marked if he
left. When the man least expects it,
i number of upper class men may
;ome into his tent and sit down where
they can find a place. He must stand,
ind then may come an order to tell a
story about his travels in India or Iceland
or New Jersey, to go through the
manual of arms with a lead pencil, to
3tand on one foot while he names the
principal rivers in South America or
the capitals of the Territories in the
United States. Then there are certain
caliethenic exercises for which
the upper class men have a great liking
when they are performed by a pleb,
and men have been kept busy performing
these exercises by their
tyrannizers until they were exhausted.
The new man worries along and
works and plods to keep up with the
required standard in mathematios,
English studies, French and military
discipline. He becomes a housekeeper,
also. He must learn to take care of
tiis room and his outfit. The rules
prescribe that he shall have two pairs
af uniform shoes, six nairs of white
gloves, two sets of white belts, eight
white shirts, two night shirts, twelve
collars, eight pairs socks, eight pairs
summer drawers, eight pairs for winter,
six handkerchiefs, six towels, one
clothes bag, made of ticking, one
clothes brush, one hair brush, one
tooth brush, one comb, one mattress,
one pillow, two pillowcases, four
sheets two blankets, one quilted bedcover,
one chair, one tumbler, one
trunk, one acc6unt book and one
basin. He is commanded by regulation
immediately after reveille to hang
up his extra clothing, to put such
articles in the clothes bag as it is intended
to contain, and to arrange his
bedding and all his other effects in the
prescribed order. He may not, according
to the regulation, keep in his
room any of the implements used in
chess, backgammon or any other
game, and he must obtain a permit
before any map, picture or piece of
writing can be posted or attached in
any way to the walls of his room.
When camp season comes again
many of the plebs of the last camp
season have disappeared; some departed
before the camp closed, others
:ould not stand the strain of work
during the winter months, some failed
to pass the January examinations, and,
svith the others who fell by the wayside,
they went back to their homes,
smaller, possibly, than they <rere when |
ihey rec. ived their appointment, and, j
ilthough in many instances it may I
iiave taken argument to convince people
of the fact, ill-health is usually
jiven as the cause for a change in the
olans which had a generalship for
:heir object only a few months before.
For those who have remained in the
nstitution a new era is about to be;in.
At the June exercises the plebs
ire allowed to make their debut,
rheir bearing has become manly and
soldierly by that time, they have acquired
so much of the soldier in the I
year past that they do not resemble
it - 1 s 11..1 i.; J
lue uuye ui tutti timu, uuu puiouuo auu
friends who come to the Academy
hardly know them. They feel a pride
in the fact that they have lived
through their year of plebdom, and
no one greets them more heartily as
they enter the domain of the upper
' class men than the yearlings who are
about to shake the dust of their condition
from their boots and enter the
more dignified sphere of second-class
men. With the graduation hop the
pleb's time of probation ceases. The
upper class man goes so far as to secure
partners for him, and between
the smiles of pretty girl3, the release
from thraldom, the consciousness of
having won the respect of the older
men, and his anticipation of his good
time in camp with the new men, the
yearling's cup of happiness is nearly
full.
But the hop lasts only a few hours,
the camD season soon ends, and then
begins the work again?harder than
the year before and more of it. Not
only drill regulations, discipline and
all matters pertaining to the science of
war must be studied and mastered, but
higher mathematics, French and
Spanish and literature must be grappled
with and they keep every moment of
the cadet's time employed. It is absolutely
impossible for a man to keep
up with his class unless he works
hard, and the olass as a whole would
fall behind if the work were not continuous.
To be convinced of the prime condition
of the cadets one mast see them
at a meal in the large mess hall,known
as Grant Hall. The senior cadet captain
is superintendent of the hall, and
sits at a table facing the door surViv
Viia nfThft nudecs march
~. ? ?
to the hall and are divided when they
reached there into squads corresponding
to the tables in the mess hall.
Each squad is accompanied by an officer, who
is responsible for the behavior
of the men at the table. It is a matter
of course that the man who carves, who
do63 all the work and who is served
last is a pleb. The hall is decorated
with the portraits of graduates who
have won fame since they left the in^
w?-*
IG AT WEST TOINT.
stitution, and the pleb, looking upon
these pictures, may console himself
with the thought that the pictures
represent men who in their day had to
do what he was doing. A corps of men
is kept busy waiting upon the cadets,
whose appetites give proof of their fine
physical condition.
To be a cadet and a late riser is an
impossibility. The hours for daily
duty are laid down as follows: Beveille
at 5.30 a. m., and 6 a. m. on Sunday;
police call, five minutes after reveille;
surgeon's call, fifteen minutes after
reveille; breakfast call, thirty min
utes after reveille.
After breakfast the cadets have a
few minutes in which to "brush up,"
and at 8 o'clock they are called to
quarters for study and recitation.
They have dinner at 1 o'clock. From
2 till 4 o'clock more study and recita*
CHAPEL AT WEST POINT.
tion, and then come3 evening parade,
after which the battalion marches to
supper. After supper they have
thirty minutes, and are then called to
quarters for study until 10 o'clook,
when "taps" is sounded, and the signal
for "lights out" finds the cadets
tired and ready for sleep.
On Wednesday and Saturday afternoons
the cadete have no duties to
perform, and unless they have been
guilty of some slight infraction of the
rules they may take a rest. But a
peep into the courtyard of the barracks
on these afternoons will convince
the visitor that all cadetn arc
not augels. While their companions
are at ease, those who have trans
gressed must pace up and down a cerj
tain part of the yard accoutred and
armed the same as a regular infantryman
on sentry duty, and if the gray
| walls were transparent they would dis*_loee
to view also some who must suffer
for their misconduct by being confined
to their rooms. The strictest
discipline, the severe course and the
high standard required are the cause3
for depleting the ranks of the cadet
corps, and it is estimated that about
sixty per cent, of those who are fully
accepted as cadets drop out before
the lour years' term is completed.
Those who remain and are graduated
receive a cash capital ot $192 to
start with. Out of the $5-10 a year
which is placed to the credit of every
cadet $1 is taken every month and
kept for him, and at the end of his
term at West Point he receives it in a
lump suai. The purpose of the arrangement
is to place the young officer
out of need and to enablo him to buy
bis officer's outfit. Tho .$540 a year
which a cadet receives from the Government
never reaches him in the
shape of money. His account is fcimply
credited with tho amount, and
against this charges are mado for his
clothing, books, board, laundry aud
all insidental expenses, and the great
problem is how to keep out of debt.
To buy anything with money of his
own is an impossibility, because a
cadet is kept penniless, and one of the
regulations prescribes that no oadet
shall apply for or receive money or
any other supplies from his parents or
from any person whomsover without
permission of the Superintendent.
The thiid and fourth years in the
academy are equally severe; but the
men who have outlived the hardships
of the preceding terms are rnceiy to
survive and are finally graduated ami
their names 6ent to the War Department,
with tiifl recommendation of
the Academio Board for commission in
the army.
KISSING THE BIBLE,
i Books Which Lips of President*
Touched When Sworn In.
The Bible on which McKinley tool
the oath of office as President of the
United States is an unusually handsome
and costly copy of the Testaments
made especially for the occasion
in Ohio and presented to the new
?T68iaent ?y Jtnsnop Arneu, 01 wuberforce
College, a colored institution
in the Buckeye State, on behalf of the
African Mei;hodifit Episcopal Churoh.
Its covers are of blue morooco with
satin linings, white satin panels and
gilt edges, with a gold plate in ttie
center, and is engraved with the following
inscription: William McKinley,
President of the United States of
America, Inaugurated March 4, 1897.
The book on which he was sworn
in to the highest office within the gift
r Ml vmvbsVT 1LU
[wited J
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BIBLE ON WHICH M'KINIiEY TOOK THE OATH,
of the people was a matter of quite
decided sentiment with President
Cleveland. Mr. Cleveland asked' the
privilege of being sworn on a little
red Bible which had been given to
him by his mother in his boyhood,
twhen he first left the family rooftree,
and he took the oath at the beginning
of both of his presidential terms on
this took, which he treasures fondly.
The cuetom, however, has been for
the United States Supremo Court to
furnish the Bible on which the President
takes his oflicial oath, and this
tradition has been carried out by the
clerk of the court ever since that tribunal
was established, except on the
two occasions when President Cleveland
was installed in office. Mr. McKinney,
Clerk of the Supreme Court,
who has held the Bible on which Garfield
was sworn and every President
after him, has. always marked the verse
which the President touched with his
lips, and after the inaugural has presented
the book made historio by this
event to the President or his wife.
The first inauguration of George
Washington in the Federal building
in New York on April 30, 1789, was
delayed by the failure to procure a
Bible. Just as the arrival of Washington
was announced to Congress,
Chancellor Livingston discovered that
there was no Bible in the building.
He was Master of St. John's Lodge
No. 1 of Free Masons, and happened
to remember that there was a Bible in
the lodge room. A messenger was
quickly sent to bring the book, and it
is preserved to the present day among
the relics of the lodge.
A tfew Bicycle Game.
A new bicycle game, or rather a game
Ti?V.i/?V> /?.?n Via rtlnirod i%n tpVipaIb. lifts
lately been evolved by a cycling
genius.
Il; is called the royal game and requires
a court or field, divided into
alleys. Two teams of nine riders each
take part and the field is divided into
a right and left field, with the courses
chalked out plainly. An alleyway, constructed
of ropes or cables, extends
from the upper to the tower field on
the division line between the right and
left field. Cables also form two upright
sides between which the play
wheel rolls and is driven back vard or
forward by the riders in passing at
any point between the lower and
upper field. The play wheel is a single
bicycl9 rim, having a four-and-onehalf-inch
pneumatic tire.
The idea of the game is to drive this
play wheel from the centre field,
through attack of opponents, to a goal
ahead, the riders using sticks especially
made for the game. The ends of
the alleyways are the goals for the respective
teams.
Players ride in single file and always
circle to the left. Thus the two trains
are constantly meeting and passing
each other in opposite directions on
the upper sides of tiae alleyway.
Eoyal is a game requiring swift
ricliag and much skill and a novice
woald scarcely venture to form one of
a team.
Tlie Sea Gulls.
The big sea gulls, such as are see:;,
about the harbor through the winter,
come from further nortli in the fall,
and late in the spring they go north
again, or far out to sea when the
weather is cooler and the fish upoa
which the gulls feed are more abundant.
There are many tieho3 that
seek deeper, cooler waters in the summer,
and the gulls follow them. There
are smaller gulls, however, commonly
called bluefish gulls, that remain ou1;sid?
the harbor all summer.?New
York Sun.
That Fellow Feeling.
Looking at the "Stuffed Animals."
?Twinkles.
m
iV.V-t.:, ' >:? i .Jr.; _ ^..
SPRING WARDROBE,
WHAT FASHION AND FANCY SA*
IT SHOULD CONTAIN.
Talloir-Made Suits tlie Feature of th<
Fashions of the Season?Red In
Millinery?Suggestions for
Children's Frocks.
(Special New York Fashion Letter.)
THAT we are to be olad it
tailor-made garments durinj
the next pis months seemi
(, to be a foregone concln
sioD, and the most practical style
for all around general wear is the coal
and skirt costume. The dark blue and
black serges of which these gown*
were formerly made, have been supplemented
by a wealth of daintj
charming fabrics in light and dark
mixtures, and in weaves as varied at
the combination!?.
A tailor-made gown of some sort if
ceirtainly a necessity if you would
make any attempt at fashionable dressing,
and the really up-to-date woman
will hardly confine the number to one.
Between the rich braided gowns and
tha most inexpensive suits there is a
variety of styles now exposed in the
catalogues 01 our Desi lauors inui
caunot fail to gratify every woman't
taiste and harmonize with every purse.
An especially smart yet neat costu
me is the one illustrated in the first
sketch. It is madeJ of the new green
broadcloth, and is trimmed with blaci
silk braid.
I 86,w young Mrs. Yanderbilt in jusl
such it gown last week at one of tht
Stodc.ard lectures. ? The skirt, strong
in the consciousness of its perfeot cut,
has a narrow stiffening of hair clotl
at the bottom and is lined throughoui
with shaded taffeta silk. The bodici
38 neatly stitcnea anaisnnisuea at tm
Btick with strapped beams and inlai<
plaits below the belt lino.
(
CHIC FROCK
Then in Eton suits the palm is certainly
deserved by the one depicted in
the next sketch.
Exceedingly chic is this neat toilette
with its gracefully hanging plain
flkirt and oddly cut Eton, that while
it fits the figure perfectly at the back
and the sides, in the front is quite
loose, turning back in graceful revers.
If color can sound the note of the
new millinery, red bids fair to reign
supreme in this branch of fashion.
The 6rst display of spring hats and
bonnets is always a jumble of startling
colors and shapes altogether discouraging
to the women who prefer elegant
and not conspicuous headgear,
but as the season advances the popinjay
style of hat disappears and good
taste and moderation have an iuning.
Just at present red straw, red tulle,
and red flowers in more shades than
aam ni*a r?r\m Ki noH in
UULULC uau uu auv j maw VVU*
one hat. Poppies and geraniums have
th? lead in red blossoms, but there
are green eilk poppies in pretty soft
shades, with black centres, which are
MRS. VANDEBBILT'S SPRING GOWN'.
very effective on a black hat with
green ribbon and black tulle or kilted
chiffon, which is ono of the spccial
features of millinery.
The fashion of wearing the hats well
tilted over the eyes promises to continue
throughout the summer, and
certainly the shade given to the eyes
is very acceptable even thongh it is
not always becoming.
The misses' frocks shown in thi>
large sketoh are chic to a degree, and
J
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they successfully solve that difficult
1 problem of how to dress growing girlj
fasionably without having them ap
"? ? - *? 1
| pear over-areesea ana ungraueiui.
I NEAT, SLEEVELESS ETON GOWN.
The figure to the right represents a
h lonnftt F.fnn onif nf navv Klna aar rrn
J JHUUIJ JU?WU UUil V* UUIJ ViUW HWAQV)
3 trimmed with collar and revers
j of white pique embroidered with bine,
, and worn with one of the dainty cot1
ton shirt waists that are now procurb
able for girls from six to eighteen
a years of age.
9 The other two frocks are both on the
3 blazer style but entirely unlike each
other. The one is developed in wine
^
5 FOR MISSES.
?
I
colored cloth, artistically stitched and
finished with an inlaid oollar of velvet
ana small cat pearl buttons. The revers
are oddly shaped and the jaoket
is ronnded at the corners and finished
with a slightly rippled back. The
other girlish frock is fashioned of novelty
goods in a combination of white,
green and tan, with just the faintest
suggestion of a rose colored thread
rnnning through its warp. The neat,
perfectly hanging skirt is finished at
the bottom with a band of wide dark
tan braid headed by two tan silk cords.
The jacket is similarly garnitured,
besides being tastefully stitched and
lined with a Roman striped silk.
The costumes illustrated herewith
were designed by The National Oloat
Co., of New York.
Rabbits That Climb.
A correspondent writes to the London
Field that while he was hunting
rabbits with ferrets in January h<
found rabbits on three occasions in
willow trees which overhung the watei
of a mill stream. The miller said thai
it was not an unusual circumstance.
Some months ago the Field told ol
other rabbits whicn baa oeen snoi,
like raccoons or opossums, out of trees
in England. In recent years cases ol
rabbits in trees have been reported
with increasing frequency.
From Australia has come the most
remarkable story of rabbits as climbers.
The only way in which rabbits
could be kept out of certain tracts of
land in Australia was by the building
of wire fences about them, the fences
having me6hes 60 small that the beasts
could not crawl through, and being so
high that they could not jump over.
The rabbits have clawed at the wires
until their nails gradually have become
hooked. Some of the rabbits learned
to soale the fences, and then great additional
expense was necessary, for
the top of the fence had to be bent
over like a J upside downt with the
hook out 6o that the rodents could not
get over the top. Australian rabbits
are said to be learning to climb trees
for the leaveo.
Prison Sold at Auction.
The literature of auctioneering is
full of cleverness and verbal oddities,
bat Carlow, England, turns up with
a line of humor which is all the more
effective becauso it is so unconscious.
An advertisement recently printed
there stated thnt "the old gaol" would
be offered in one lot. It goes on to
particularize with enthusiasm and dilate
with zeal concerning n "female
prison of thirty cell?," "debtors' prison,"
"convict prison, containing
thirty-four cell?," "house of correc.
tioa," "treadmill" and "three-throw
i pump." There is also "a very tine cut
j granite gate entrance," and "all cells
are fitted with double wrought-iron
doors." In fact, "all modern improvements"would
seem to be the only ad|
ditional necessity in the way of enticI
ing description.
BUDGET Of FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
How It Ended?Egging Her On?
Couldn't Believe He Was
Crooked?Anatomical ?
Simple, Etc., Etc.
**
si
Before he was wed
He said ,
He wanted a wile whose head
Contained the 'ologtes
Taught in the college*,
But he married nig cook instead.
?Philadelphia OalL
tsr
egging her on.
First Hen?"Why don't yon revenge
yonrself on the master for killing and
eating yoor husband?"
Second Hen?"Oh, I'm laying for
him."?Jndge.
couldn't believe he was cbookkd.
"Oar cashier's defalcation was a
great surprise to us."
"Why?".
"He wrote suoh a beautiful upright
han/3 flhinacrn Ttftnnrd
A LESSON.
He placed a ring upon her finger
and then lovingly kissed her hand.
She indignantly drew baok.
"Please remember, Jack, that there
is a place for everything,'' she said.?
Town Topics.
SIMPLE.
Snake-Liar?"And I went down into
the hole a hundred and eighty feet."
Listener?"Bat the rope was only a
hundred feet long."
Snake-Liar?"Yes, I know; but I
doubled it."?Puck.
CASH AS WELL AS CONFIDENCE.
The Young Pastor?'*W hat I want
to do is to get them to open their
hearts to me." % *
The Old Brother?"What you'll
V*onn +a wall V?o fliam fn nnon
their pooketbooks to you."
ANATOMICAL.
Teacher?"What peculiarity, if any,
do you observe in the anatomy of the
frog?"
Pupil?"The frog consists of a pair
of legs with enough other meat thrown
in to hold them together."?Chicago
Tribune.
UNRELIABLE MAN.
"George told me that one of my
golden hairs could draw him like
a team of oxen."
"Yes?"
"And then when the harness broke
down he asked me if I had a rope in
my pocket."
A GOOD WAY TO HANG.
First Tramp?"What do they mean
by hanging a man in effigy?"
Second Tramp?"That's when they
just string up a stuffed figure of him."
First Tramp?"Well, if I wuz goin*
ter be hung, I'd like to have it done *!
that way!"?Puck."
8UBPRISED.
She?"There were only fifty-aix
signers of the Declaration of Independence."
Lord Ninkumpupe?"How very remarkable
! In England, donoherknow,
you can get thousands of signatures
to almost any sort of document."?Puck.
i "ts
HIS TWO SUITS.
Nipper?"Look here, old ohap, I've
been advised to go to Thompkins, the
tailor. Did you ever go to himj for
anything?" '"'iW|
Clipper?"Oh, yes; got two suits
from bim; one dress suit, ope lawsuit.
Thompkins is a very expensive man, I
tell you."?New York Times.
A XATUBAL GIFT.
"Gee!" was all he could say when
aha tnlH him h? was ths first man she
had ev#r kissed.
"Do you presume to doubt me?"
asked the lady indignantly.
"Me? Never. I was just thinking
how remarkably well you did without
practice. "?Cincinnati Enquirer.
- ' .'A?
TRYING HARD.
Mr. Harduppe?"Of course, as yon
are eo wealthy, I feel that in asking
you to marry me 1 ought to tell vou
how poor my own circumstances are."
Miss Gotrox (reproachfully)?"Why
don't you make an effort to imorove
them?"
Mr. Harduppe (surprised)?"Don't
you think I am?"
FOREIHOCGHT.
.VLjJj
"This butter seems strong," said the
young husband, at their first breakfast
ab home.
"Yes," she answered; "I talked to'
the market man about that, and he
aaid it was economy ip ine ena never
to buy weak butter. He said that even
though this might cost a little more,
people could get along with less of it,
and it would last longer."
wox THE CUP.
"Whatare these cups for?" asked a
well-dressed man of a jeweler, pointing
to some elegant silver cups on the
counter.
"These are race cups, to be given as
ur'izes." ' '
"If that's so, euppose you and I race
for one?" And the stranger with the
cup in hand, started, the jeweler after
him. The stranger won the cup.?
Pick IV!9 Up.
A FETCHING CLIJIAX. ,
He ?"I love you madly.'f
She?"Who could blame you?"
"I want you to be my wife."
"I hear you."
"3Iy family would welcome you with
opeu arms."
"That would be nice."
"We would make our lives a continual
honeymoon."
"Splendid idea."
"I am rich."
"Aly darling!"?Harlem Life,
Swiss Telephones.
In Switzerland, from the smallest
village it is now possible to telephone
to any place in the country at a fee
from two cents to eight cents for the
most distant points on instruments
throufth which one can hear with
perfect distinctness, and which are
kept in thorough repair.