Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page. It is also available as plain text as well as XML.

A RAINY DAY. Now just take a peep at the window and Oh, dear me! How cloudy and dark, and how dreary and gray! What a day! The rain seems to frown As it comes pouring down; And the wet, muddy earth looks as cross as the sky. So do I. How could I expect to be happy and gay, Such a day? When things are as dull and as still as a mouse In t he house. Oh dpar. if T knew Of something to do! The world looks as if it were having a cry. ; So am I. If only the sunshine would smile out again; And the rain, And the dark, gloomy clouds, and the mist, and the gray Go away? "Why, then you would see How merry I'd be! XI only the sun and the weather would ti> So would I. ?Sydney Dayre, in St. Nicholas THE~SQUIRE'S WIFE. Squine Clover listened in silence, but j with a quiet smile upon his lips, to his I old cronies' yar.is of their various haps 1 and mishaps in their younger days in ! trying to get pos e-sion of the girl of j their choice. But after they had all spoken he j knocked the ashes out of his pipe, and. proceeding to refill it, said: "Ay, neighbors, ye've told some pretty queer stories, but I'll warrant I can tell ! one that'll match 'em. I rather gu:ss j 'twould astonish those acquainted with my quiet, modest-looking wife vondsr j to know how it was that I thought of taking her for better or worse." "Now, David," expostulated Mrs. Clover, both reddening and smiling as she met her husband's quizzical look. "Why will you tell that silly story? If you hadn't cared to take me, you could | i. i l i) " i iiav-c icl ijic uiuiiu. "Ah, sure it is easy talkinV said the I squire, shaking his head with demure | gravity. "But when a girl?an' especi- I ally sich a pretty one?flies directly into ' a fellow's arms, what else can he do?-i That's whit I'd like to know!" , Laughingly declaring that "she'd stay j - to listen to no such nonsense," Mrs. Clover gathered up her work and rau away; and her husband, after shaking his jolly sides with silent laughter, until some of tho^e present were fearful that apoplexy would be the result, gradually recovered himself and proceeded to satisfy the curiosity he had aroused thus: ' 'I was a poor bov, as perhaps you ; snow, wun notniu Dut a pair 01 siouc : arms and broad shoulders to push my j way in the world with; but I had a brave heart, an' wasn't afraid of work, an' on the whole, ain't no ways dissatisfied with what my hands have brought me. "The summer I was twenty-one I went to work for Sue's father. "Mr. Bean was a well-to-do farmer, and Sue his only child. He wasn't anyways stuck up about his property, but Jie set a great store by Sue; an', as he knew that some day she'd have as good a farm as there was in the county, nat'rally expected that the man who got her would be able to give as much as he took. "So I had no more idea of ever bein' Sue's husband than I had of flyin', and yet the very first time I set eyes on her I , knew, as well as I know now, that no I other woman would ever be to me what j ahe was. "I remember the day just aa well as if twas yesterday. I had seen ilr. Bean I down to the village the night afore, an' i 'twas agreed that I come the next afternoon. "When I come to "the house?an' a nice looking house it was, with a broad piazza each side on't?I was dubious as to whether I had better go in the side or \ back door. I finally concluded to take j the latter. 1 "As I passed by the kitchen window I heard a voice singin', as sweet and clear as a robin's, an' on lookin' in I saw Sue itandin' by a tabic, kneadin' bread, an' I never see a prettier picter afore or sence. "Ah, lads, ye may talk about girls at the pianny, but they ain't half so much to my mind as the one I saw at the moldin'-b'ard: the flour she was siftin' not any whiter than her round, uncovered arms, and with as bright a bloom on cheek an' lip as the roses that were clambering over the porch. "Wal, arter statin'at her pretty face ! as long as I dared to?quite unbeknown to her?I knocked at the door. " 'Come in!' s;ing out a voice that set piy heait to beatin' like a sledge hammer. "Liftin' the latch I walked in. " 'Is Mr. Bean to home?' I stammered, ! colorin' as red as a beet, as Sue turned her ; black eyes on me. " 'Yea; father's somewhere about, j TJ11 Ka in in q mini to Wnn'f vaii fftlro ' Uv 41 VV AAA AAA U AAJLA AA V* k v? IT VU V J V V* I.M?v , a seat?' "In goiti' across the room, I stumbled over a pail, which so flustered me that I sat down in a chair where a large gr.iy cat lay curled up asleep, and who, spittin' an1 clawin' at me, sprang out of the window "I could see by the dimples that cams i round Sue's pretty mouth that she had hard work to do to keep from laughing outright. But she didn't 'pear to take any notice on it, and pretty soon old Mr. ; Bean came in, an' then I began to feel more comfortable. "They were real nice sort of folks. J who treated their help like their ! own family, an' I soon began to feel at : home. "All but with Sue; I couldn't seem to say two or three words to her without blun tie in', an' was always doin' some awk- | ward thing or other, ' whenever I went nigh her. "I don't think I'd have felt quite so ihy if I had known her opinion of me; ' for I wasn't a bad lookin' chap in my i young days?broad shouldered an' | 8tra:ght as an arrer?with big hazel eyes au' brown hair, as full of crinkles as curled maple. "I hadn't been to Mr. Bean's loug before I found out th t Sue had a beau. I His name was Silas Peterkin, son of the j r? vilUffft uv n u mx. buu i ain^v? "He was a white-faccd, slim-waisted feller, with little hands an' feet, that I'd been ashamed to own, but which he seemed to feel mighty proud of. "Ho used to come to see Sue about twice a week, dressed in his store clothes, and lo>kin' as if he'd just stepped out of a band-box. "Sue never seemed to act as though she had any partic'lar likin' for Silas;but 'twas easy seen that the old folks set great store by him au' was mighty pleasant at the idea of his steppin' up to their darte . "As for me, I never see him sittia' by / Sue, an' smirkin' up into her face, but what I felt as if I wanted to fling him, head first, out of the winder. "So matters went on until September, when Mr. Bean gave a huskin' party. "We young feelers set to work with a will, an' afore sunset the corn was all husked and piled, away, and the barn floor swept clean for the dance an1 supper we was to have in the erenin'. "Pretty soon the women folks began to flock in, all dre.sed in their best, an* lookin' as fresh an' bloomin' as a flower garden after a shower. "But Sue was the prettiest of the hull lot, dressed in her white frock, with the pink ribbon tied around her waist. "Sila^ Pcterkin, he was there,of course, an' as soon as I see him I went to the house. "As I was standin' on the back steps, out of sorts with myself an' everybody T hoard a voice sav: '* 'David!' "An1 turning round, I saw Sue, lookin' as smilin' as a basket of chips. " 'Ain't you comin' down to the bam?' says she. "'I ruther guess I ain't wanted,' saya "Oh, yes, you are,' says she; 'I want vou.1 "She looked and spoke so sweet that I was e'enamost a mind to go. But ' .1 * "t l - lli- 1 1 jest tnen I neara wias caum ner; ?u mutterin' somethin' about havin' some tools to grind, I walked off. i'I was most sorry for't, though, when X caught a sight of her face as she walked away with Silas, an' saw how sober it was. "Sittin' down on the back steps, I went to work; the raspin' of my file sounJin' a deal pleasanter to my ears than the fiddlin' that floated up from the barn down in the medder. "It had been uncommonly hot for a number of days past, but this had been the hottest one of all. Not a leaf moved, an' there was somethin' unnat'ral in the stillness of everythin' around. There was a strange look to the sky, too; it was streaked overhead with purple an' vi'let, 1 ' * ? l _ xl ? witn a sore 01 yenowgiare in uie west-. "Old Bose, the dog, who had been wanderin' restlessly about for the last hour, now set up a mournful howl. "When I went to fodder the cattle I found the poor critters huddled together in one corner of the yard,utterin' low bellows of terror and dismay, their instincts warning them, as all these signs did me, of the tornado that was approachin'. "Goin' back to the house I shut every door and winder. "Then thinkin' of the folks in the barn ?that was the most in danger of anythin'?I ran down through the garden toward the medder where it stood. "But I had hardly gone two rods before it came?liftin' me off my feet an' hurlin' me against an opposite fence 1 "I picked myself up an' hurried on. As I come in sight of the barn?or, ruther, where it once stood?the air was filled % a* l | i with, dust an' nym' Bningies an umuer j "As soon as it cleared away a bit,I saw Sue standin' in a most perilous position right in the midst of it! "I shouted to her to come away; and jest then the wind took her up as if she was but a feather, bearin' her directly toward me. * I opened my arms, an' she came right into them. "As she did so, one of the flyin' sticks hit one of my arms, makin' it useless; but holdin' her tight with the other, I took her to some low bushes in a little hollow between two hills. ' The tornado was as short as it was violent, and though a good deal of dam"frroo Anna In/^lrilv Tin OTlft WftS hllrt ntw uvuv^ j ^ .. ?? much. "Sue escaped without a scratch. My arm was broken; but considerin' who nursed me, y;)u needn't waste any pity on me for that I "I heard arterward, as soon as the alarm was given, Silas Peterkin tock to his heels, an' never stopped until he reached his father's door. "Whether he heard that the old man vowed that he'd set Bose on him if he ever came nigh Sue ag'n, I can't say, but hi$ visits ceased from that day. "I sent him an invite to my weddin', which took place a few months arter:, but as he didn't come I'm sort of mis+Viof was Afrnid of another 11U001U& WUWV AAV ? WW ? tornado."?Now York Neica. - The Shah's Harem. A letter from Teheran, Persia, to the London Globe says: Most of the ladies ?f the harem have small separate establishments, but all live in the palace, the doors and windows of their rooms looking out into a large quadrangular court. Some wives occupy suites of apartments, others have only one or two rooms. The shah's harem, like other well-conducted establishments of the kind, is shrouded in mystery, and the European ladies who haveoccasionally visited it cannot tell us much. These ladies visit the harem on certain holidays, when every inmate is gay and happy, and they therefore see only the bright side of harem life. There is, of course, a dark side; but of this nothing certain is known to the outer world, and the members of the harem are discreet, and do not blab. The shah is said to be a kind master, and his wives speak of him with affection and respect. Extraordinary precautions are always taken to prevent males from getting inside, and the European ladies who visit the harem are,-" on entering, examined by eunuchs, who also inscribe the names of the visitors and those of their attend ants. In spite of the great precautions tnken, it has once or twice happened that a man has been smuggled into the harem, and I lately heard a story of a laborer having been found on the roof of the women's apartments. He was advised to affect madness?which was hardly necessary, as fear had already made him idiotic?and it was explained that he had got into the harem through an underj ? 1 _,i ground WUUT uniltll, 1U nmui iiti iitivx been working. It speaks well for the shah that the man was let off scot-free; in former times he and several women would have been executed there and then. It orcasionally happens that the shah ccrnes into the women's apartments when European ladies are there on a visit. He then asks who the visitors are, what their age is, and makes some observations on their looks. He is not very complimentary; and some time ago a lady was horrified at being tola by his majesty that ghft was old. ugly and lean. The shah also occasionally asks ether indiscreet questions, and makes some cynical remarks. Every wife lias a separate ysaily allowance varying from ?200 to ?2,000, and cften receives presents exceeding her allowance in value. Taught Wisdom. There's a man in our town Who was not wondrous wise; For though he had fresh goods to sell He would not advertise. But when he saw his rival sell More goods than e'er could he, nlwiit: his (rrnr&rv As maid as mad coulS be. He soon found out the other man Had "ads" in sheets betimes; He took the hint and did likewise, And now piles in the dimes. RHEUMATISM. ; THE MANY FORMS OF THIS COM- ' MOX AFFECTION. ( The Cause of Rheumatic Fever? < Symptoms of Inflammatory Rheu- { matism?Mode of Treatment? i Chronie Rheumatism. i I The manner in winch a chilling of the s Rirface of the body acts to set up an ^ attack of rheumatic fever is still un- j known. It is very certain that an aciil ?lactic, the same that is found in sour j milk?is the great mischief-maker in this disease. This acid is always formed when muscles are exercised, and is decomposed and sent ont of the body by j way of the lungs and skin. A chilling ^ of the body seems to prevent this get- . ting rid of a poisonous substance, and ^ the various inflammatory troubles are ont im Kv if After tlior }iava nnoft hfl otl, wj, wj AV. ? ?' * j c| gun it appears that they may continue c for some time in spite of the acid being properly disposed of afterward. This acid has been given as a medicine in some other affections, and a number of . cases are recorded in which rheumatic ^ joint troubles . have followed with cer- n tainty as soon as a certain (not very large) quantity had been given. Another reason for the brineful effects of a chill n occurring after excessive exertion is that the joints are then in a weakened condition from overuse, therefore more dis- ^ posed to become diseased than any other pait of the body, except the heart, which ~ is in the same exhausted condition, has ? about the same kind of structure as the a joint*:, and is, consequently, at that time, a very liable to suffer in the sanne way. The symptoms distinctive of "iuflam- e matory rheumatism" are usually pre- j ceded for one, two or three days by in- c definite feelings of being "out of sorts," j( such as weariness, dragging pains in the ^ limbs, loss of appetite, etc. Then sets in a moderate fever, beginning with a c sharp chill or by chilly feelings, head- jj ache, thirst, the pulse and breathing c being quickened to correspond with the j( joints, almost always "one of the larger ^ one3, becomes painful. If it is one near ^ the surface, it is noticed to be swollen ^ and more or less reddened. In a few ^ hours, or a day or two, another joint is attacked in the same way, the one first Sl affected becoming better, as a rule, but not always. The more joints there are affected at once the higher the fever. Thus, nearly every joint in tne body may j.' become affected; frequently all the f. larger ones, hip, knee, shoulder and j jj elbow, are inflamed together. The pain j is intense and made worse by the slight- ^ est movement. A heavy step upon the 0 floor causes the vibrations to be transmitted to the semtive surfaces, and ; r] causes untold agony. Sometimes the pain 1 0 is far greater than the amount of evident a] inflammation would seem to account for, ^ and it is frequently worse toward even- ^ ing. The skin is bathed in perspiration, j jr and does not seem hot to the touch, even | r( when the fever runs very high. The j n perspiration is sour in odor and in chemi- j u cal reaction. The tongue is moist, usually : n covered witn a wnitisn iur; tne Doweis j, constipated, and the secretion of the kid- f( nejs small in amount and intensely acid. ^ The pain causes loss of sleep, but the mind is generally clear. In very serious n cases the tever rises very high and delir- rj ium is present. Sleeplessness, pains in a the joints and the profuse sweating cause ^ all the discomforts of which the sufferer ^ complains in most cases. ^ This state of things, unless interrupted n by proper treatment, goes on for three to 0 six weeks. New joints are attacked, or n the pains and inflammation return to those they had abandoned. The invalid ^ loses flesh and strength, but recover* in f( a large majority of cases. Sometimes q one joint does not regain its natural p n/vn/lUmn Knf romm'no mnrn op Ipqq WUUitlV/Uj uuv ivmuiutf mvi w v* ?vwv yv swollen and painful. In a few cases ? two or three joints are affected and these j? not very severely. In these, the fever J never runs high and the disease may ter- ^ minate in from eight to fourteen days. In others, the fever rises to 10(j to 108 degrees Fahrenheit, the pulse becomes enormously quickened, delirium followed . by unconsciousness and death occurs. For- 1 tunntely such cases are rare. In drunk- ? ards and those whose constitutions have been broken by previous disease, a wild 81 delirium like delirium tremens may set ? in, especially toward evening, when the , fever is highest. In these the symptoms q are apt to become aggravated and go on to a fatal termination in the second or third week of the disease. Although rheumatism of this variety will undoubtedly get well if not treated I with any drugs, is in fact a self-limited J disease, still we have it in our power to . lessen the danger of heart complications, ( give ease to the sufferer, and cut the dis- ^ ease short in a large proportion of in- ^ stances, provided more than one joint is affected. P The alkalies, bicarbonate of soda, pot- p ash of lithium, should be given in large fl doses (20, 30 to^ 60 grains) every few hours* until the .j acid in the blood and tissues become neutralized. This is known by the se- * cretion of the kidnevs becoming: alkaline. , The alkali may be given with lemon " juice, with which it forms an effervescing drink that is not very disagreeable. ^ Whatever else is done, the alkalies should , not be neglected. Salicylic acid, or salicylate of soda, seems to act a* a specific in controlling the inflammation in a large proportion of cases. One of these should bs given along with the alkalies, f11 for it does not insure safety from heart ^ complications, until about 1*20 grains *?, have been given. This amount should ^ i i-i ?x r T fa DC til Ken w lium iweoiy-iuur nuurs uu insure the best results. Then it should P be discontinued for a day or two, then ^ resumed in smaller doses, and kept up el for one or two weeks in this intermit- 0 tent manner. As either of these drugs depresses the heart's action, some form t? of alcoholic stimulant, wine or whisky, 0 should be taken with each dose. If P these do not control the pain, opium or " morphine should be given in sufficient v quantity. The affected joint or joints P should be wrapped in cotton dipped in ?, an alkaline solution and kept at rest by ? being put into splints. Hot applications, " when well burne, sometimes give a great deal of comfort. It is claimed by many that blisters and ice bags over the affected joints do good. These; are very distressing to most sufferers, and thero is " still a great deal of doubt as to their aoing any good. There is a foul-odored drug extracted from brine in which mackerel have been preserved, called o trimethylamine, which has brought about m some remarkable cures. The testimony e as to its efficacy is very conflicting. It F belongs to the alkaline group of reme- n dies, and is, probably, as efficient as it some of those mentioned. Aconite and ei veratrum have some admirers as remedies d to control rheumatism, but they are t< dangerous and not trustworthy. With F the alkalies, the salicylates, opium and t< quinine when the fever become exces- b sive, inflammatory rheumatism is usually o a very manageable affection. S The same cannot, unfortunately, be c! laid of chronic rheumatism, which in c: reality has no business to be called rheumatism at-all, except in a small propor* tion of cases, where it follows an attach :>f rheumatic fever as a consequence. Id these instances it is no more to be considered as rheumatic than consumption the lungs following measles is to bi jonsiderea measles. Like any other or*an that has once suffered from disease, i joint that has been inflamed from rheunatic fever becomes a point of least resistance and ready to become inflamed igain on slight provocation. Hence a liight injury, blow, sprain or the like, iffectirig such a joint, sets up an ordirnry inflammation, which would not >ccur had the joint always been healthy. Prolonged exposure to cold and damp, >s by sleeping in cellars and basements, >r employment in workshops that arc J -J iln ofnn/'linft ;uiu ilUU UUUiiU. lllUUUU^ nuilt Dkuuumg n water or in swamps in the fall or winer, frequently occasion the disease. II 3 ge nerally observed in advanced lifehe reverse of what is noticed in inflamaat ory rheumatism. It is purely a local lisease, not caused or kept up by any hange in the blood. The symptoms of chronic rheumatism re these: One or more joints are almost onstantly tender; sharp pains are felt a them from time to time; changes in he weather and unusual pressure or lovement aggravate these pains, which hoot in different directions from the ffected joints. Cold and wet weather lake the sufferings greater, while heat, specially dry heat, gives relief. Stiffess and grating sounds are noticed when he joints are moved, ana occasionally orae swelling and increased heat in the arts are observed. There is no fever, r if any be noted, it is very mild. As rule the disease drags on for months nd years. Complete recovery is the exeption, although some cases do get well, specially if their age is not advanced. Prevention is, therefore, better than ure. Internal remedies given with the lea of "clearing the rheumatism out of tie blood" arc useless. To improve the ppetite and general condition is, of oursc, very desirable. Prolonged bathig the affected part in water as hot as an be borne, painting the parts with )dine, stimulating liniments, general rarm baths; massage or rubbing and neading the affected limbs; all these ave been found useful. If the joints ecome useless, "soldered together" so lat no movements are possible, certain lrgical operations may make the condion more tolerable. Mucular rheumatism is a term that is pplied to any painful affection located 1 the muscles. It is probable that very }\v, if any of these, are truly rheumatic 1 their nature. Some of them are real iflammations of the muscular structure, rhile others are of nervous origin. Some f these affections have been traced to leir true cause and are no longer called leumatic. The pains of lead poisoning, f scurvy, of locomotor ataxy and of icoholic poisoning, all formerly called luscular rheumatism, are now placed 'here they belong and managed accordlgfy. Some of these affections are the isult of injury. Thus lumbago, ordiarily supposed to be rheumatic, is sually earned by some awkward movetent that strains or breaks some muscuir or tendinous fibers, leaving after it )r a Jong time more or less pain and jnderness on movemeuts being at;mpted. Aside from the pain there is o distinctive symptom of muscular aeumatism. There is usually no fever nd no serious consequences follow in its ain. There may be painful spasms of le muscles, particularly of those which old the head in position, causing "wry eck," but this is undoubtedly of nervous rigin and has no connection with rheulatism. The treatment is by warm baths, by eeping the patient warm and perspiring )r a day or two; by effective doses of uinine, if there is a suspicion of malarial . oisoning; and by rubbing the affected arts with stimulating liniments. Faradic lectricity, by which a strong impression ( made upon the nerves of the skin, ften removes the pain at once.?St. mis Globe-Democrat. The Shall of Persia. Probably the most restless man on the i ice of the earth is Nussir-u-deen, shah f Persia, asylum of the universe, and t ing of kings. These two titles, as i ?riously given to the absolute monarch 1 f Persia as we apply the more modest jrm majesty, are not inappropriate, for rom the royal fiat there is no appeal, warthier than most of his subjects, of I liddle height, very short-sighted, he is I 2ldom without his spectacles, ana untu i e opens his mouth he gives rather the j lea of the mild Hindu. But when he peaks in his loud and imperious way, all < lea of mildness disappears. The loud ] me, however, is more the effect of con- i taut habits of command; and the cus)m of addressing his majesty in a low me, that is observed on all occasions, robably tends to make it more noticea- l le by contrast. Although the king of ersia has a larger collection of jewels j lan any other monarch?save on state < ccasions, such as the public salaam ot ; le new year, he very seldom displays 1 ny of them. He is strikingly plain in is dress. The full skirted frock coat of j lack cloth, or, at times, of finest cash lere shawl, which in winter time is trim- ] ied and lined with priceless fur, is his 1 sualwear: but the colors are generally ark.?London World. ] A Carnage Drawn by Sheep. i Almost every American in Paris who as ridden out toward the Bois has seen 1 le old man in the little carriage drawn 1 5 sheep pottering along in the Avenue u Bois de Bologne. These sheep are ^ vo fine fat South Downs, but the occu- J ant is a cripple named Dr. De Reroy. ] fft 1ms been bv turns a soldier, a trav I ler, a politician, a journalist and a man 5 f letters. A nephew of the Abbe Lam- J lenais, he was for a while private secre- ' iry of LamartinC, also an intimate friend J f the Marquis of Hertford, at whose ^ lace in the Bois he frequently met 1 rince Napoleon. During the war he 1 olunteered to carry important dis- ' atch'js out of Paris for the government 1 f the Defense Nationale. He started ^ lone in a baioon, which was caught in a urricane, carried into Switzerland, and 1 ame down in the midst of the Mer de ? lace glaeier, where his legs were sc ost bitten that they had to ba ampu- J ited. Beside his legs, he lost his for- * me by the war. * _ 3 Fitty Cents for a Share. j The custom of having a barber call at ne's house has become quite the fashion ^ rithia the last lew years, it is ratnei c xpensive, but rich men can stand it. j. 'ifty cents is the average fee delanded. Some men have fitted up specil barbers' rooms at their homes. Oth IB IlilYU UU3J ta<\uo JLUi iuc aLiA/iiiiuv ation of their barbers at their down- c )wn places of business. It used to be t 'erdinand "Ward's regular afternoon cus- * )m to sumin >n his barber as soon a* a usiness wn over; he was a sort of pi- F neer in thi>; line down in Wall street, c row there are dozens of speculators and lerks who fo'iow out his aristocratic F xamp'e.?New York Timesi t BUDGET OF FUN. i HUMOROUS SKETCHES FROM VARIOUS SOURCES. Had Been Interviewed?A Big Dog ?How he Could Take Revenge ?An Errand of Charity? The Lawyer's Friend. "Why, good gracious, Daringer!" You look as if you had been shot through a grain elevator." "I was out in the country, Bromley, arranging for summer boarding." "Well, but what happened to you?" "I?I?was interviewed." "Interviewed! By a reporter?" JNO. "A slugger, then?" "No. By Farmer Watson's bull."? Philadelphia Call. A Big Dog. The minds of many people are not fitted for struggles in mathematics. When it came to fractions, Mike, for example, was at sea with no hope of ever getting ashore. "What are you going to do with that dog, Mike?" ''Sure an' I want to sell him. sor." "Ho,w much do you ask for him?" "Well, bein' as it's you, sor, I'll sell him to you chape, and a better dog niver walked in shoe-leather. You can have him for two dollars, sor." "What breed is he?" "Well, sor, he's?he's?he's half terrier and half Newfoundland, an'?an' half mastiff, sor." "Ah! Well, this is the first time I ever knew of a dog having three halves." "Arrah, an' that's a big dog, so he is. He'd make a dozen halves of the little felly goin' along beyant ye there." How He Could Take Rovense. "Life," said the cynic, "life is not worth the living." "No?" said the damsel at his side. "Why?" "Life is a bore. Human nature is so A ? ? 2nn!??f] *An1/\iin itt oil fcUIIlG, llisipiu, nun/uiuuo, iu an the vicious classes. Society in the accepted sense does not live, my dear Miss Jones. It passes the time." "And has lots of fun sometimes." "Never. It believes it has fun; but it's very sorry, stupid, dull fun. I am a cynic. People bore me to death. Of course there are exceptions, such as you ?but?others. They talk Jind talk and talk, and I?I sit and listen, and think what empty, brainless thingj men and women are. They weary me." "Well, why don't you take your revenge?" "How?" "Talk back to them." Ar?rJ the rvnin crrinnfid ft sinklv err in """" V?o ? J o and dropped the subject.?San Francisco Chronicle. . An Errand of Charity. "Uncle Stead" ia what they called a shrewd old gentleman who used to live in "VVinthrop, a little way out of the village, up the side of the pond, near Readfield. One of his fellow-citizens was a man named Lovcjoy. Uncle Stead met Lovejoy in the village one day, and he said to him: "Lovejoy, there's a poor woman lives out on the edge of the town that needs some provisions. I'm willing to supply her, but I've sold my horse and have no means of getting the stuff to her. I Now, I'll buy her a barrel of flour and a ! ham and some other supplies if you'll carry them out to her with your tcim." , Lovejoy said certainly, he'd be very glad to do it. Accordingly, Uncle Stead bought a barrel of flour, a ham, a bucket i of sugar, etc., and telling Lovejoy where the woman lived, sent him off on the errand of charity with the good things in ills pung. Lovejov easily found the house where the woman lived. Ho unloaded the goods,puffing like a grampus as he rolled j the barrel of flour in, and said to the j woman: "Mr. Steadman sent you the pro- | visions. He's a mighty kind-hearted j man to send you all these things." "Well, I don't know why he shouldn't >en 1 them to me!" exclaimed the woman in surprised accents. "He's my husband."?Lewinton (Me.) Journal. The Lawyer's Friend. One of the brighte. t lights of the Austin bar was standing on the corner of hhp nvpanp snrrnnnrtfld hv a crroun of idmiring friends, when a man with a peculiar stride and close-cropped hair walked up to the lawyer, and, taking one of his hauds in both of his, shook it as if he was going to wrench it from his body, 3aying: "It's ten years since I saw you, but I knew you as soon as I laid eyes on you." The lawyer was embarrassed, but the rough-looking stranger helped him out. "You did mc a kinduess once, Jedge, and cf I ever forgit it may my right arm clove to the roof of my mouth. Don't jrou remeincer when you practiced law ten years ago, up ia Dawson County? You did me a kindness I never shall for get," The friends of the lawyer cast admiring glances at him, and one of them said bo the other that he, the lawyer, always had a good heart. "Yes," continued the stranger, still holding on to the lawyer's hand. "I had jhot a man in self-defence and the sheriff was going to lock me up when you nobly volunteered to go my bond. And you didn't know me, either." The lawyer said he thought he recollected the circumstance, while the ad miring friends said: "Justlike liim. He is always goin a'jout doing good." "You offer d to go my bond, but the said he w mid be blessed if any jar:k-leggjd shyster could shove a strawaond off on him. and if you remember, iudge.hc refused to approve the bond,and ! [ \\ a* locked up,but I was always grateful j o you just the same. You tried to help ne to swindle justice according 10 law. i >roke jail that night, and crippled several people getting away, but, thanks to you, ' got away." "Where have you been since?" asked he lawyer, seeking to change the conversion. "I am just out of the Kansas peniteniary. I would never got in thar if you lad been about. A feller refused to drink vith rae and I had to shoot him. Let's tep across and have something," and mining his arm through that of his legal iiend tliey marched across the street,the udge keeping step like a soldier, while lie irienas on me siuewnui. ?w?yjjcu ipinions about what a bad eye that man lad.?Texas Si/tings. Starting the Mule. It was a soft, bright day when tue rocus lifted its cup of flame from the winkling grasses, and the sky was dotted vith small white clouds. All was balmy nd serene, and the uncorked soul of the >oet was overflowing like a bottle of :hampagne. The old canal-mule stood upon the toe>ath as solid as a rock. It was impossible o move him even to tears. In Tain dU his navigators attempt to start him by prying his feet off the ground with a crowbar. The more they pried, the firmer the mule stood, and smiled a smile that floated over his countenance and melted softly in his ears, while the birds filled the air with their German-silver not* "Get up there, you !!!! I ? I IOOOO t I f I IM J A : 11:s s: *:: i:: suuuieu me unv^i. But still the mule stood stock still, as though intending to gather mo3S. "?!?!?!!!!!" shouted the driver once more. "I'll bet I can start him,"said a small, thick-set man. "Let's see you," replied the captain. So the thick-set man approached the hind-end of the dreaming quadruped. He had formerly been a deck-hand on the Catskill boat, and thought he could start the mule as they start refractory cows up the gang-plank, namely, by twisting his tail. Every eye was on him as he took hold of the mule's tail to twist it. The mule himself looked complacently around, with a twinkle in his eye3 that seemed to say: "I am not a stem-winder." He also seemed to be calculating the weight of the man, and deciding which-county he would drop him into. "He'll be in Chemung county directly," said one. I n iv i._ M ?? "ur aumvan couaiy, rcuiauwcu. another. "Look, look, now," they said together. By this time the tail was about half wound up, and was beginning to tighten at the roots. He seemed to wind up as slowly as a Waterbury watch. Finally the man got it all twisted up. The birds still sang their sweetest songs, and the sky looked like a blue watered-silk dre3S. All nature seemed to smile. So did the mule. Then the man gave tne tan a iwisi that caused the mule's spinal column to contract, and he just let go all his feet together? ******* And didn't stop running until afternoon, when he fell exhausted, after havingpulled the canal-boat half way up a mountain.?Puck. How a Reporter "Charged it Up.M When I think of the many funny things that Kenward Philp did, I find it difficult to realize that he was born in England. I am certain that if you had scratched him deep enough you would have found a strain of Celtic blood, for no thorough Englishman could do and say what he did jmd said. One of the most famous stories told concerning him bears relation to a hanging; no one but j he could get a laugh out of such a ghastly I subiect. He was once sent to report a hanging in a town far distant from New York. He wa> absent several days, and, as is often the case, found himself, when making up his bill of expenses, unable to remember every detail of the expenditure of the money which he had legitimately spent. Consequently he charged simply a lump sum, which was by no means ex- j cessive. The business manager objected to its paymeut on the ground that he should be given an itemized account oi [ every penny. Philp found he could not do this, but he determined not to lose ; any of the money which he had expended 011 behalf of the newspaper. So he ma:le j out his bill anew, and after charging foi I his hotel bill, railroad fare, and other j regulation expenses, he added a few items | in order to make up the sum charged in the first place. To appreciate the humor of his revised account you must understand that aL a hanging in some country towns in order to propitiate the sheriff and obtain entrance to thi jail and other favors, it ia necessary, as a general rule, to smother him with kindnesses and liquori. It also frequently happens that in order to get a talk with or a confession from the murderer, enterprising newspaj er men lavishly bestow cigars, tobacco, and books upon him. Philp's additions to his bill were as follows: To one whiskv cocktail for the unfortunate wretch 15 To one ditto ditto for the sheriff 15 ? ? - - '? To one ditto ditto ror sen ia To one ivd necktie for miserably felon... 25 To one ditto ditto for sheriff. 25 To one ditio ditto for self 25 To one copy of Dr. Watts' hymns for the condemned man 60 To one ditto for sheriff 60 To one ditto for solf 50 To one whisk-broom for doomed criminal 40 To one ditto ditto for sheriff 40 To one ditto ditto for self 40 After the sad event: To one whisky cocktail for sheriff...... 15 To one ditto ditto for self 15 None for the lamented deceased "15 Philp was never afterward asked to make out an itemized bill of expenses.? New York Mail and Express. Life Studies by Lige Brown. The brightest eyes have wept. The pocket is a poor savings bank.' Even a tramp can accumulate real estate. The "watch"-word to bankruptcy? "tick." Don't argue with a fool, or the listeners will say there is a pair of you. Spiders are affectionate little creatures. The females eat up their lovers. When the poet sang of something that was "strong without hands,M he probably referred to butter." Solomon had lots of wisdom, but he didn't know anything about the convenience of a hip pocket. The teacher who makes his scholars "smart" is not always the one who imparts the mo->t instruction. The JiPrnkm n,in wear old clothes until able to buy new is said to be the most lonely feeling on earth. It is said that a vigorous motion of the jaws will cure nose bleed. No wonder the women folks are seldom troubled with that complaint. Dio Lewis says a man needn't sneeze unless he wants to. He most generally wants to, though, by the time the sneeze gets fairly on deck. Before Boston goes entirely crazy over her fema!e barbers she ought to pause a little between beans and ruminate upon the trouble Samson got into by letting a woman cut his hair. It is a well-known fact that a woman can never hit the thing she throws at, and yet the world is full of blue-nosed Togies who do not believe that everything has been ordained for the best.? Chicago ledger. Her Secret. ALGERNON. Why turn away so coldly? This coyness, dear, is nefr-; I used to take quite boldly A little kiss or two. You vowed to love me dearly Whatever might betide, Why do you act so queerly ? what ails mv promised bride? BELINDA. Tho' I express negation, And shrink, love, from yourohitch, Your proffered osculation Would please me very much. You have n< t guessed the reason Your darling turns away? Now onions are in season; I ate a lot to d ly. ?Rambler. v - ;. > v; THE HOME DOCTOR. An excellent relief for hiccough for young and old is granulated sugar moistened with pure vinegar. For an infant give from a few grains to a teaspoonful. Pllf firo rlrrvna rtf rTilnrftfnrm nn ft lltt.lA * -,V v* ~ # cotton or wool in the bowl of a clay pipe, then blow th# vapor through the stem into an aching earancl instant relief will Ue afforded. It is computed that a twelve-inch wall of hard-burned bricks and good lime and ?and mortar could be built 1,600 feet high before the bottom layers would oe crushed. If Portland cemcnt were added to the mortar, the height might reach 5.700 feet. # >l4.? ' Walking, running, horeeback riding, lawn tennis, swimming, rowing, skating, bowling, hand-ball and general gymnastics are the exercises best adapted to girls, and, for that matter,to any persons who wish a healthful and well-balanced rather than an abnormal physical development. The Medical Times says that a good way to remove irritating partieles from the eye is to take a horse hair and double it,leaving a loop. If the object can be seen, lay the loop orer it, close the eje} and the mote will come out as the hair is withdrawn. If the irritating object cannot bo Been, raise the lid of the eye as high as possible and place the loop as far as you can, close the eye and roll the ball around a few times, draw out the hair, and the substance which caused the pain will be iure to come with it. Swiss Acquisitiveness. .. ' Everywhere throughout Switzerland the traveler finds people who wish to sell him something, or who continually volunteer to do something for which they wish him to pay. A3 he drives along the country roads, little girls threw bunches of wild flowers into his carriage and then run by its side expecting some money in return. By the roadside, in the most lonely places, he will find women and girls sitting behind little tables on which they are making lace, which, with a tiny collection of Swiss x. chalets, and articles of carved wood, they are very eager to sell.: When the road passes near a precipitous mountainside, he will find a man with a long Alpine horn, who awakens the echoes ana expects some pennies. At another place a fenced pathway leads into a little wood and a notice informs him ttet he , "??? ?"< ?? ?n/l (ynf a riow nt th<* Hlttpk luajr Lutt-i auu gw ? * ?v ? v? Falls for four cents. When I was at Grindelwald, a little village among the Higher Alps, I went part way up a mountain, to visit a glacier. In the one which I visited, a long tunnel had been cut, and this led to a fairly large room hewn in the very heart of the glacier, and called the ice grotto. There were lamps placed about, by which, this frigid passage was dimly lighted. The walls and roof of the tunnel were transparent for a considerable distance, and I could look into the very substance of the clear blue ice around me. I fol lowed my guide tn the end of the tunnel, and into the grotto, which was lighted by a single lamp. The moment I set foot inside this wonderful chamber, with walls, roof and floor of purest ice, I heard a queer tinkling and thumping in one corner, and looking there I saw two old women, each playing on a doleful little zither. They looked like two Ijorrible old witchcs of the ice. Of course I knew that they were playing for my benefit; and I wondered if they always sat there in that enormous refrigerator waiting for the visitors who might enter and give them a few cent'mes in return for tneir mournful strumming. But when I went out, I found that the old women soon followed. and I suppose they go into the glacier and esconce themselves in their freezing retreat whenever they see ft tour- / ist coming up the mountain-side.?dt. Nicholas. Washington as a Sportsman. George Washington was always ready for a fox-hunt. As in his younger days he had ridden with Lord Fairfax aud the Fairfaxes of Belvoir, so later, when he was master of Mount Vernon, he and his friends were always out in the season, and, when night came, the party would meet at one house or the other, for a merry ~< / ? kn nff nnoin Koflinfl tVlP hoiinHfi ftuppci , IU UC UU ItgUlU ISViMuvt ?? early the next day. Ia a letter describing Mount Vernon, Washington speaks of it as "o* one of the finest rivers in the world; a river well stocked with various kinds of fish, at all seasons of the year." The borders of the estate were washed by ten miles of tidewater, and the whole shore was one entire fishery. In the season of canvas-back ducks, also, Washington was out with his fowling-piece early and late. The story is told that he had been much annoyed by a lawless fellow who came without leave to shoot on the estate. He came over from the Maryland shore, and hid his boat in one of the creeks. One day "Washington heard the report of a gun, and guessing it to be that of this man, who had more than once been warned to leave, he sprang on his horse and rode in the direction of the sound. He pushed his way through the bushes just as the man, who had seen him approach, was pushing his boat off. The poacher raised his gun, and aimed it at Washington, who spurred his horse at once into ' 4 the water and seized the boat before the man knew what he was about. Then Washington, who had a powerful arm, seized the fellow and gave him a sound thrashing, and was never troubled by him again.?St. Nicholas. Embalming. A St. Louis undertaker tells a Globe' Democrat reporter that there are probably eight or ten undertakers in that city who arc oompetent to properly embalm bodies after death, although all undertakers attempt it, and only one is opposed to it. The exception is a very Erominent undertaker, and he thinks emaiming is wrong and icing is the only true and successful way of preserving remains The cost of embalmiu<r is $10 for a mere injection, and $25 when the work went so far us to remove superabundant gases. The cost of putting on ice $10. Only about one person in every ten who die is embnlmed. The method employed most generally is to open a brachial artery and pump in the preserving fluid. Fatlicr and Son. A few days ago a fine old British soldier, residing in Canada, but widely known and respected in two hemispheres, entered the prisoners' dock in a court room and stood beside a handsome young man charged with forgery. "Colonel," said the public prosecutor, "do you know the prisoner?" "I do; he is my only son," was the reply; then the stalwart figure and dauntless heart that had survived more than half a century ol Mmnrn'orninff /*ave wav. and the old Vwmj/M'g?O" " ' colonel fell dead?killed by a degenerate son. The denouement was more sudden than is common, but only in this respect did the t agedy differ from hundreds that have been enacted in New York, and more- t iat are "how having their dis? mal course.?Net* York Hour.