The McCormick advance. [volume] (McCormick, S.C.) 1886-1887, December 16, 1886, Image 1
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THE MCCORMICK ADVANCE.
DEVOTED TO THE GENERAL WELFARE.
—
VOLUME II.
McCORMICK, S. C., THURSDAY. DECEMBER 16, 1886.
NUMBEK 39.
It is suggested that a reunion of the
dethroned—or uncrowned—royal per
sonages of Europe would be an interest
ing event. The group would include
Isabella and Don Carlos, of Spain; Eu
genie, “Plon-Plon,” and the Count du
Paris, of France; the Duke of Cumber
land (King of Hanover), and Alexander
of Bulgaria.
A statistic gatherer volunteers this in
formation : Baltimore has fewer colored
people than New Orleans, and 5,000
more than Washington. Baltimore and
Washington together havo 102,000 col
ored people, and Philadelphia has 32,-
000; Richmond, Virginia, 28,000; the
little city of Petersburg, 12,900; Charles
ton, 27,000; Louisville, 21,000; New
York city, not 20,000.
The Xenia (Ohio) Gace'te proudly an
nounces that in that neighborhood twen
ty adjoining farms are the property of as
many widows. A person could begin at
sunrise, and, by steady walking from one
farm to another keep going till late in
the day, and not in all that time place
his foot upon an acre of soil absolutely
owned by any man. These farms, in the
hggegato, comprise somewhere in the
neighborhood of 4,000 acres. With but
three exceptions the premises are occu
pied by their respective owners.
CHRISTMASTIDE.
Judea’s hills are bleak and bare
And Jordan’s stream runs low,
Their riches, all mankind may share,
Still have tnoir endless flow.
The star that shone in lonely ray
Giowed for remotest ages, when
It told the lesson all may say,
Of “peace on earth, good will to men. 1 *
Its golden glories still abide
In love to all each Christmastide.
Judea’s hills are bleak and bare
And Jordan’s stream runs low,
But east and west in every air
Their incense breezes blow,
Outpoured for all with bounteous hand
From heaven’s full storehouse then,
A golden text for every land
Of “peace on earth, good will to men,*
At once their hope, their joy, their pride,
This blessing of each Christmastide.
Judea’s hiils are bleak and bare
And Jordan's stream runs low.
But lands more blest and skies more fair,
Waves that a3 sweetly flow,
Are not, and have not e’er been known,
To History’s faithful pen
Since that glad light upon them shone
Of “peace on earth, good will to men?”
Life’s sin an 1 hate to override
In love and peace each Christmastide.
/ v —Henry Armstrong.
The Tilden heirs have decided that it
would be the best plan to close Grcy-
stoue for awhile, and so the house in
which Mr. Tilden died has been put in
shape for the winter, and is now in the
hands of Mr. Tilden’s old and faithful
servants, who have been in his employ
for years, while the family have re
turned to their respective homes. It has
not been decided yet what disposition
will be made of Greystone or the Gram-
crcy Park residence, and many are the
theories advanced as to their probable
disposition. A visit to the cemetery
shows that some kind hands have kept
Mr. Tilden’s grave covered with flow-
era. The monument will not be erected
until next spring, as it will net be com
pleted until late in the autumn or early
in the winter.
- JIM'S CHRISTMAS.
More and more Japanese are coming to
this country every year, and they are
usually of an excellent order. They are
mostly between fifteen and twenty-five
years old, and of the middle class, such
lers, shopkeeper^, etc. 'All of
them are to an extent educated .When
they arrive, in consequence of tbfc com
pulsory lav^of educat'on in the empire.
Their chief object in coming is to gain a
complete education and to study the
manners and customs of the Republic,
which they rightly regard as very prac
tical. A large part of them, on their re
turn, obtain remunerative employment;
the ^%£t that they have served an ap
prenticeship in the United States putting
a premium on their servicos. According
to the New York Commercial Advertis r,
“the bulk of Japanese on our soil will
compare most favorably with the native
inhabitants of the same grade. They
are, as a rule, far more gentle, consider
ate, polite and wonderfully apt in ac
quiring new ideas. They have made
more progress in the last half century
than any people under the sun.”
The slow but sure precesses of the
last few years looking to the extinction
of the American buffalo have been a
source of regret. The Nat’onal Museum
at Washington, realizing that the matter
of extinction was merely a question of
time,recently sent the chief taxidermist,
Mr. William T. Homaday, to obtain
specimens for preservation before it was
too late. It is believed by the best author
ities that there are not more than 100
buffaloes in the whole of Montana out
side of the National Park, where there
are probably 200 or 300. The party
started from Fort Keogh, crossed to Big
Dry River, and then followed Big Tim
ber Creek and Mussel Shell River. It
was believed that by so doing all of the
buffalo feeding-ground would be trav
ersed. A small herd of a dozen or more
is known to be in Southwestern Dakota.
That the buffalo has p&actioally disap
peared from our praries may be inferred
from the above. Skins of buffalo heads
are now held by Dakota taxidermists
at $50 each, and it is safe to assume
that they have given up hopes
of obtaining more. Mr. Homaday has
been quite successful in his trip and has
secured some specimens for the museum.
It is a wonder that some stepi are not
taken by private or public enterprise to
preserve from utter extinction an animal
so useful. It is said that the quality of
the hair can be greatly improved by cul
tivation and proper breeding, and it
would seem that some steps taken in time
might prove most advantageous ulti
mately. In this connection Sciene notes
that Mr. 8. L. Bedson of Manitoba be
came possessed of a young buffalo bull
and four heifer calves, which have so in
creased that he now' has eighteen
bulls, twenty-five cows, and eighteen
calves, which are all thoroughbreds. On
crossing with ordinary cattie thi half-
breed possesses the chara teristics of the
thoroughbred, save color. On crossing
a thoroughbred bull with half-breed
cows he has grown three-quarter breeds
closely resembling the buffalo, the head
emd robes being the equal if not-superior.
Experiments to improve the flesh are
now in course, and it is expected to ful
ly develop in the new animal the strong
points oS nobis head, pelt, and flesh.
A HOLIDAY STORY.
It was Christmas Eve, and despite a
bitter, piercing wind, the Bowery was
one moving mass of humanity, laden
with basket-i and packages containing all
sorts of good tilings, or bent upon pur
chasing, or seeking one of the many en
tertainments offered on this thoroughfare
of all nationalities, which has no coun
terpart unless it may be found in the
Whitechapel Road of I oudon, England.
Mingling among this crowd of buyers
and pleasure-seekers, were many who
could but look and long. Children
whose only glimpse of Christmas was the
gayly ducked stores, or a whiff of the
goodies permeating the frosty night air
from some coolcshop. Many a dirty, lit
tle, eager face, was pressed tight against
a window pane, taking in with evident
satisfaction these meagre scrapings of
Christmas vouchsafed them. Outside of
one of these J owery cook shops, where
cakes, pies, etc., were being rapidly
passed over the counter to their respect
ive purchasers, st< od a boy of probably
twelve or thirteen years, whose dark eyes
appeared unusually large by leason of
his thin, white checks, and unkempt
locks, flow the few rags he wore held to
rn ther was known only to themselves,
for the wind teemed as if determined to
rend them asunder every t mu it took it
into its head tc blow in their direction.
Hungrily the boy watched the toothsome
dainties, as he sniffed eagerly of the
kitchen’s odors that arose from below,
starving amid plenty. The throngs
jo-tled each other as they passed to and
fro, but the boy still kept his stand, as
if fascinated by the sight of so much
brightness and good cheer. Close beside
him shivered the skin and bones of a
cur, who was the owner of the scraggiest
of coats, while rno of his ears was en
tirely gone, and if he had ever possessed
a waggable appendage, the smallest apol
ogy of a stub was all that remained to
tell the tale. Yet no human eyes could
have expressed more affection than those
of this dumb brute, as he gazed wistfully
at his young master, and stro-e to heat
with his warm tongue the boys’ chilled
hands. And his love was not misplaced,
for with a enress of the dog’s homely
coat, the boy said :
“It’s Christmas, to-morrow, Sandy,
and there'll perhaps be no end of boues
fur ye in the ash barrels. Do you re
member the nice dinner wc had last
week?” The stub wagged a responsive
yes atul the boy continued, half to him
self and half to his four footed friend.
“I’ve often been thinking why there's
so many folks that has such a heap of
thing-, and others like me and you,
Sandy, as has nothing; but I carn’t come
at the bottom of t. Now there's Nat,
he’s a prig and a liar, and he's to have a
regular blow out to-morrow, down at
old Mother Mowleys. Now if I was a
prig, but ye see. 8andy, I don’t know
how it is, but I was never no good at
stealing. They say I'm too afeered of
the cops. It ain’t that, and I don’t know
as I know what it is, but I carn’t
do’t *»
“Here, sonny, do you want to earn ten
cents.” The boy’s burst of confidence
was cut short by the abivc question. As
he turned, a comely, mothferly looking
woman confronted him. On her arm
was a big basket bursting out all over
with good things, while a tat turkey pro
truded its long legs with a defiant air,
and refused to allow the lid to be closed.
A little boy and girl, aged respectively
feven and five, cl mg to either side of
the thick, warm shawl worn by this
pleasant voiced woman, both hugging
parcels with their di-engaged hand.
“If you’d like to earn ten cents, sonny,
by helpiug me carry this basket to Sev-
entee ith street and Avenue B, why I’ll
be right glad to have you. It’s a little
more than I can manage alone, I find,
since I had the rhc.imatics in my arm.”
A look of genuine pity shone in the
woman’s eyes as she note! the boy's
pinched cheeks and ragged apparel.
Then as she glanced from him to her
own warmly clad little ones, her compas
sion grew apace, and she stopped him as
he eagerly held out his hands for the
basket, saying: * I’d be glad of the ob,
ma’am.” A look of intense disappoint
ment crossed the boy’s face, ten cents
meant so much to him, but in a moment
it changed to one of surprise, as the
woman,turning into the cook shop, said:
“I guess we ll all be the better for a
bite, and sup of something this cold
night. Come, sonny, and tuck in a bit
of strength so you'll be better able to
bear a hand with the basket.”
“Me. ma'am!” ejaculated the boy, at
this unexpected kindness.
“Why, of course; come right along.
I.or’, child, it’s Christmas Eve, and it
comes but once a year.”
Into the warmth and brightness and
good cheer the lad stepped, closely fol
lowed by Sandy, whose bright eyes and
stubby ncse wore an air of puzzled in
quiry. Feeling ns if it were all a dream,
and that he would awake in a moment to
find himself ou'side in the cold again,
this poor waif sip e 1 his hot coffee and
ate of the bread and butter Mid meat
that was plentifully supplied him, slyly
now and again chucking bits to his dumb
friend, who kept close beneath his mas
ter's chair, until his kind benefactress,
catching him in the act, e aculated:
“For mercy sake, child! what are you
doing?”
It flashed across her that perhaps the
boy was an imposter, and not being hun
gry, was disposing of the meat in that
way in order to deceive her. But in his
pale cheeks there crept the quick color
as he answered:
“If you please, ma’am, it’s Sandy. I
couldn't eat and he go without.”
At the mention of his name Sandy
crawled with a half apologetic air from
beneath the chair.
“Is that how it is? Here, waiter,
bring a plate full of meat and bones for
this dog,” and this whole-souled woman
gazed compassionately upon the half-
starved beast.
Such a thumping as Sandy thereupon
set up with his stub of a tail, any oue to
have seen it would have doubted its
ability to create such a commotion.
“Lor’ bless me? the critter acts as if
he understood,” and kindly Mrs. Chris
tian patted Sandy’s rough coat, where
upon he, being a very intelligent dog
who knew as well as his bettors how to
appreciate a kindness, immediately of
fered his paw, causing the two children
—Eddie and Rosie—to laugh merrily, in
which their mother good-naturedly
joined, and even Jim—that was the poor
boy’s name—warmed by the good fare,
found himself actually laughing heartily
too.
Before Avenue B was reached that
night kind Mrs. Christian had learned
the little there was to tell of Jim’s his
tory. A New York waif, homeless and
friendless, living as he best could. As
far as he remembered, no on<^liad ever
given him a kind word until this night,
and a feeling of wondering admiration
grew in his heart for this motherly
woman who had so kindly befriended
him.
Up two flights of one of the better
class of tenement-houses Jim helped with
the basket, and was rewarded with the
nicest smile he thought he had ever seen,
followed by the words:
“There, sonny, there’s your ten eents
and a bit over, seeing its Christmas eve;”
and while Jim stood gazing at the silver
quarter placed in his hand, too much
surprised to speak his thanks, sheadded:
“Come round to-morrow about one
o’clock, and I guess there'll be a bit of
the turkey left, and Sandy, poor doggie,
he shall have his Christmas, too.”
“Please, ma’am,” Jim managed at last
to blurt out, “perhaps if I come round a
bit early I mignt be able to give you a
hand at sumat. I can do lots of things,
and—and I d like to fur yc.”
Something in the boy's wistful face
went straight to Mrs. Christian's w'arm
heart, and smiling through the tears that
clouded her eyes, she answered:
“That’s right; always try to work
vour way and be independent.^ So come
psrly, and I’ll warrant yen’ll (earn jo'ui-
ainner.”
Then with a nod and a smile she
bade him good-night.
it was late that t hristmas eve before
Mrs. Christian’s numerous duties were
accomplished. So many little things
there were to do that only it mother’s
loving hands could rightly fashion.
The'', there was Tom, her husband, who
had been working late at an extra job,
he kad to have his bit of supper and
smoke, and of course hear all his wife
had to tell of poor Jim and how her
heart had gone out to him in his poverty
and lonel ness.
“Weel, Mary,” said her “gudeman,”
his genial face expanding in a smile,
“you’re always right, nud I guess you’re
so now. Howsomever, we'll give him
one good feed, and as yc say, it looks
weel for the lad a offering to earn his
dinner.”
Only to God alone was ever known of
how that Christmas eve a sorrowing
mother lovingly pressed a little worn
frock to her quivering lips ns she mur
mured :
“My baby Jim! and he would have
been just about his age, if he had ’yc
lived.” Then, as she tenderly ret irncd
her treasure to its hiding place, she con
tinued: * ‘ I’ll do it, if Tom will let me.
No home, no mother, no one to care for
him. It plight have been my Jim, or Ed
die or Rose. Perhaps it's the name that
draws me so toward him. Anyway, I
can t help it—and we’ll never miss the bit
aud sup.”
Such warmth and kindness and savory
odors as Jim found himself amid that
Christmas day! He did his best, poor
lad, in honor of the occasion by present
ing himself with face and hands as clean
as soap and water could make them, and
hair in such a state of slick ness that poor
Sandy was forced to indulge in an extra
sniff of his young master to convince hiiu-
self that he ha 1 not made a mistake.
How Mrs. Christiau contrived on such
short not'ce to procure a suit of cloth s
that, if they were a trifle large and some
what worn, transform 'd .lira into quite a
handsome little fellow, was known oniy
to her kiudly heart. And the warm
flannels—there was no oue to tell of the
pitying fingers that had fashioned them
so early that bright Christmas morn.
And Jim—did he ever forget that
Christmas day, the flr-t real one ne h id
ever known. And when he was told
that he need never go back to the cold
and the hunger again; that if he wished
he could become one of this happy h <u e-
hold, he was spec- bless from sheer be
wilderment at the dazzling prospe t, un
til Sandy, perhaps, fearing it a 1 boded
no good to him, gave vent to a prolonged
howl; whereupon, with a big gu'p, as if
to choke back the tears that filled his
eyes, Jim an-w re 1:
“Please, nn'nin, don’t think hard of
me, but I couldn't do’t. Yersce, he was
sicii a little ’uu, when I saved him from
being throttled bv Mike i lint, an 1 his
leg was broke; but lie was tbit, smart,
and he's stuck to me iver since. Sict
friends as we’ve been, miYm, 1 couldn’t
go back on him now. lie's all the friend
I iver knew till i see you ma'am. I hope
ye won’t think me ungrateful, and if
ye'll give me a job row a d agin I’ll only
lie too thankful, and lur all ye’ve done.
I cannot say it rightly, but I feel it,
ma’am, 1 do.”
Here, with a siight catching of his
breath, Jim paus 'd, and hugging Sandy,
who had crept into his arms, cl so t > his
breast, h.c awaited h's dismissal.
Two mothe ly ban.Is we c laid loving
ly upon the boy’s shoulders, as in tones
t iat slightly tr mbled Mrs. Christian
laid:
“Did you think, sonny, we would be
grudge the bit and s into the poor beast?
uf course he’s to stay,’ too, ami it will be
his own fault if he goes without, when
there’s plenty for him. Isn’t it so, Tom?”
And Mrs. Christian turned smilingly to
her husband, who, holding out an en
couraging hand to Jim, answered:
“You do as the wife says, lad, and ye
can’t go far wrong.” And thus it was
Jim and Sandy became members of the
family.
jJ: He * * a|e sfc
Ten yean had come and gone since
the Christmas day that Mrs. Christian
took Jim to her heart and home. Up in
Harlem there is a cosy little house. Tifls
night the snow decks like a bridai-wCil
each tree and shrub of the pretty garden
attached, which, were it summer, would
be gay with many a delicate blossom.
Shall we peep in? The blind the lit
tle window is drawn up. Such a pretty,
home like picture does it reveal this
New Year’s Eve. A sweet, kindly-
faced woman, whose silvery hair is par
tially hidden by a soft mull cap, sits in a
low rocker, busily knitting a zephyr-like
article with bright colored yarns.
The soft light of the student lamp
falls upon the bright, expressive face of
a youth of about seventeen years, who is
playing checkers with a very pretty girl
s me two years his junior. A cottage
piano stands invitingly opens, while be
fore the grate, where glows a glorious
fire, lies stretched a dog. Surely we
havo 6een him before, although his red
dish brown coat was not then thickly
streaked with gray. Suddenly the dog’s
one ear is cocked, and he rises and hob
bles as fast as hiB stiff joints will allow
to the door, uttering a feeble bark. A
ringing step sounds outside, then a latch
key turns in the lock, and a second after
ward a young man enters the room with:
“Well, Sandy, old fellow,” and as he
stoops to pat the dog, the young girl,
with an impulsive cry, springs up, ex
claiming:
“Jh, Jim, tell us all about it! I’m
dying to know.” Smiling, he gives
her delicate little ear a pinch, as he an
swers :
“The mother first, Rosie;” then, kneel
ing beside the elderly lady, whose eyes
are bent fondly upon him, he continues,
with:
“Mother, congratulate your son; he is
now junior member of the firm, and on
the high road to fortune.”
“R< sic, do you think we’ll be allowed
to call him Jim any longer. I’m sadly
afraid wc shall have to take a back seat,”
and with a lugubrious sigh, the boy sank
as if overcome into his chair.
“How ridiculous you are, Edd'e, just
as if Jim, dear old Jim, would be auy
different if he were the firm itself,” re
plied the young girl, half laughing.
The mother’s trembling hands are laid
caressingly upon the broad shoulders of
the young man, as in a voice full of emo
tion she murmurs:
“God bless aud prosper and reward
you, my son, for all the loving care you
have given the children and* me the-e
years since their father ^ipd. for 1 ^ever
“Mother! look back and think of the
little waif you took to your heart and
home. Can he ever repay all the moth
erly love you lavished upon him. Do
you think it is nothiug to him to have a
home, brother, sister and you, my
mother:”
A peal of bells is borire lightly toward
them on the night air, and as they die
softly away, Jim cries cheerily:
“A Happy New Year to our home.”
BUDGET0F FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES PROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
Not Her First Appearance—A Fa
ther’s Precaution—The Washing
ton Dude—A Skeleton Feast—
A Powerful Bottle, Etc.
Lawyer (to timid young woman;—
“Have you ever appeared as witness in a
suit before?”
Young woman (blushing)—“Y-yes,
sir, of course.”
Lawyer—“Please state to the jury
what suit it was.”
Young woman (with more confidence)
—“It was a nun’s veiling, shirred down
the front and trimmed with a lovely
blue, with hat to match ”
Judge (rapping violently)—“Order in
the court!”—Neat York Sun.
A Father’s Precaution.
Youth—“I have come to ask you for
the hand of your daughter.”
Physician—“You have?”
Y.—“Yes, sir. I have enough of this
world’s goods to support her in comfort,
even in luxury.”
P. — “Yes, I am aware of that; but
will you treat her kindly? Will you be
a gentle husbaud:”
Y.—“Sir, I vow ”
P.—Oh, never mind vowing. Your
inteutions are all right, no doubt; but I
mu t be sure that you won’t worry and
fret the life out of her after you get her.
Take off your coat and let me sound you
to see what kind of a liver you’ve got.”
—Tid-Bits.
The Washington Dude.
Scene—F-street car, Saturday after
noon. Dramatis Personae—Three young
ladies, Treasury clerks, and an ultra-ex
quisite dude, strangers all around.
Dude, to young lady nearest fare-box
—“Aw, may I twouble you, Miss, to
pwas my fwaiah,” handing the young
lady a quarter, which she “dwops” into
into tho “bwox.”
Dude fidgets about a few moments,
and then addressing the young lady,
says: “Aw, pawdon me, Miss, but that
was a qwartah you dwopped iu the
bwox.”
Young lady, graciously—“Oh, was it?
Well, I guess they’ll let you ride for a
quarter.”
Dude sucks his cane and tries to think.
— Washington Criti-.
One Side of the Question.
“I see,” said a man, addressings com
panion, “lhat a writer in the Scientific
American says that laughter prolongs
life.”
“How does he explain his theory?”
“Well, I don’t exactly know, but he
says that it starts into circulation little
hidden particles of blood which would
otherwise remain dormant. Then he
goes on humorously to say that the
time may come when physicians will
prescribe so many laughs to be taken so
mr ny hours apart.”
‘ 1 dare say, but how do you suppose
the physician could produce laughter at
a stated time. It wouldn’t do to give
the patient laughing gas for that produces
anger more often than it does mirth.”
“That’s a fact. How would it do to
read extracts from political platforms?”
“Might do very well.”
“Say, I believe that laughing docs
prolong life. I’ll give you an instance.
Some time ago. when 1 was in San An
tonio, I saw two men engaged in a quar-
icl. One of them, Zib Lock, drew a
pistol and told Bob Foster that his time
was come. Instead of becoming excited,
Foster said: ‘Now wait a minute, Zib,
cr haw, haw. Don t you—ter he, he—
recollect the time when we went over to
see old Miller’s daughters' Well, sir—
haw, haw—I thought I would kill my
self laughing,’ and then he laughed up-
roarouslv. Zib, overcome by astonish
ment at this untimely mirth, lowered
his pistol, and. quicker than a bass
striking a t.oll, Poster snatched the
weapon and killed Zib. So, you see,
this is nn argument in favor of laughter,
for it saved Foster’s life.”
“Yes, but it killed the other fellow,
for, don't you see, it enabled Foster to
shoot him. ”
“That’s a fact. I expect, after all, it
is a little dangerous. It’s the way with
those scientific writers, though. They
never take up but one side of a question.
—Arkansaio Traveler.
A Powerful Bottle.
The following story is told of the gen
eral traffic mauager of a Southern rail
road. Some time ago, as he was returu-
to New York from the South, the train
on which he was riding stopped at Eliza
beth, ansf^lamong tho passengers who
boarded it was a richly-dressed lady, who
^entered the pHr la ■vVLic'h he oat had anx
iously glancuH mrftimd 1 for a seat. The
train was crowded, and Mr. O. immedi
ately arose and gave the lady his, the
outer half of the seat, and stood in the
aisle near by. When Newark was reached
the gentleman who occupied the other
half got out and left the car. The lady
at once arose, as if to give Mr. O. his
portion of the seat, shook out her skirts,
seated herself again with her back to the
aisle, and put her little hand satchel on
the other half of the seat. By this time
many of the passeugers had become in
terested in the situation. When the train
reached that portion of the meadows
between Newark and Jersey City on
which the phosphate works are situated
the terrible stench, so familiar to those
who habitually travel on the Pennsylvania
and Morris and Essex railroads, pen
etrated the cars. Quick as thought, the
lady seized her satchel, got out a bottle
of smelling salts and clapped it to her
nose. Mr. O. saw this, and, leaning
over, he said to a couple of gentlemen
in the seat immediately behind her:
“ Gentlemen, what in the name of heaven
has that woman got in that bottle? ”
The lady instantly turned, and said:
“It is not this bottle, sir, which
smells.”
Amid the universal laughter he retired
to another car, but not until he had shot
back: “Madam, as long as I live I’ll
never forget the smell from that bot
tle. ”—Harper's Magazine.
Jim—“I ain’t done—quit that nowl
Maw, make Tom quite tryin’ to cut me
with his old toe nail.”
Mother—“Tommie, behave yourself.”
Tom—“Ain't doin’ nothin’, maw.”
Jim—“Are too, maw.”
Tom—“Ain’t—ouch! Maw, Jim’s a
piuchin’ me.”
Mother—“Go to sleep this minute or
I’ll come there and whip you both. Not
another word out of you. Just another
word if you dare.”
.Tim—“Gimme my pillow.”
Tom—“Take your old pillow. Ouch!
Maw, Jim’s a kickin’ me.”
Mother—“Didn’t I tell you I’d whip
you? Nevermind, you shan’t go down
town with me to-morrow.”—Arkansaw
Traveler.
Facts About Wigs.
The proprietor of a hair-dressing es
tablishment which is very largely patron
ized by ladies of this city, when asked
about wigs, said that with the latest im
provements in that article, whether worn
from necessity or for appearances, it is
possible now to produce head coverings
to take the place of hair which will baffle
even a close inspection In addition to
this, convenience and comfort are also
now taken into consideration by the wig
maker, and the “latest thing” is de
scribed as “light, graceful and conven
ient.” When asked if it was not neces
sary to personally measure the head and
t ike its shape in order to make a wig to
fit “perfectly,” as is guaranteed, the re
porter’s informant said that it was not;
that if certain measurements were fol
lowed carefully, that was all that was
necessary. These measurements are:
No. 1. Around the head, on a line where
the forehead ends and the hair begins down
over the ear to tho upper end of the ne k.
No. 2. From the hair on the forehead
straight back over the top of the head to the
nape of the neck.
No. 3. From ear to ear across tho forehead.
No. 4. From ear to ear across the crown.
No. 5. From temple to temple around the
back of the bead.
For gentlemen’s toupe s a paper pat
tern should be cut the exact size of the
bald spot and fitted to the head smoothly
by taking in the p iper on the edges and
fastening the folds with a pin. The in
structions that must accompany the
measurements are Interesting. Ladies’
wigs are always made with the parting
or seam in the ceutre unless especially
ordered otherwise. Gentlemen must be
particular to state at which side they
desire the seam or parting, and it must
always be remarked whether the hair is to
be curly or straight. The cost of a wig
varies from $8 to $200 according to color,
length, fineness of hair and quality of
workmanship. The most costly are
made on a foundation of hair lace. Each
hair is carefully selected and knotted to
a mesh of the lace. Such a one is an
“invisible wig.” It can be parted any
where like natural hair. An extra fine
full wig. with twenty inch hair naturally
-Wrrtyv costs #88. -*tV lads?**
invisible?day wig costifrom $50, to $150.
A Indy’s full invisible wig, in fine
blonde, drab, auburn, gray or white, of
any length of hair up to thirty-six
inches, costs from $123 to $200. A fea
ture of the business is the ladies’ half
wig. A great many women, it is stated,
have an abundant growth of hair on the
back of fhe head, while little or none
remains in front or on the top. To part
with the natural hair on the back of the
head, so a> to admit the adjustment of a
wig, very few feel inclinol to do. " It is
in order to accommodate ladies thus af
flicted that the half wig has been made.
They cost from $10 to $30.—New York
Mail and Express.
AUTUMN TO SPRING-
I wish the stately golden-rod
Might kiss tho littlo wind-flower sweet*
That asters might to cowslips nod,
Aud eyebrigbfc run in haste to greet
The violet from the April sod—
So once the fall and spring might meet
I wish my Little Self and I
Might sometime cross each other’s way.
My Little Self is wondrous shy;
I cannot meet her any day,
Howe’er I search, howe'er I pry
About these meadows autumn-gay.
The runaway, the teasing elf!
She flits where woodfand blossoms drift:
She has a world of pretty pelf
8he gathered from the ripples swift;
Such joys she has—my Little Self
Will not he lured by any gift
She’s light as bird upon the wing,
Her cheeks and eye3 are all aglow.
To me what gladness she could bring!
To her I should be strange, I know.
My Little Self holds fast the spring,
And autumn will not let me got
Yet still I wish the golden-rod
Might kiss the little wind-flower sweet
That asters might to cowlips nod,
And eyebright run in haste to greet
The violet from the April sod—
But fall aud spring can never meet!
—Edith M. Thomas, in St. Nicholas.
PITH AND POINT.
-Put up.
when an oyster gets
it is as elastic as a
-Norristown Herald.
ought to take Can-
Mexico in the other
i together.—Burling-
It Never Failed Yet.
They were old friends, and had been
sweethearts in their younger days. There
was silver in her hair and snow on hi»,
and they sat and talked of old times
when they were vouug. Thcy'did not
say how many years ago the adventures
happened. They did net speak of dates.
It wai ‘ when we were young.” Their
first meeting, their first quarrel, their
last ki'S, their last quarrel were all gone
over Perhaps they both warmed a lit
tle over the Tcoollcctions. At last he
said:
“Ay. Jennie, an' I hae na loved any
body since you. I hae never forgotten
you.”
“John,” she said, with a little moisten
ing of the eye, “you’re just as big a lcear
as ever—an’ I believe ye jist the same.”
—Detroit Free Pres .
A Skeleton Feast.
Bliggins—“Hullo, there’s Wiggins.
Queer fellow, Wiggins. Do you know
kim? ”
Spriggins—“No. He’s a queer-look
ing chap, though.”
Bliggins—“^ueer? Well, I should say
so. And he’s always doing the queerest,
most eccentric things. Now, what do
you suppose he did last week?”
Spriggins—“Blessed if I Jcnow. What
was it? ”
Bliggins—“Well, now, you’d hardly
believe it, but that man got up a skeleton
fea 4 t.”
Spriggins—“Skeleton feast? What's
that?”'
Bliggins—“Why, skeleton feast, you
know. Most eccentric idea. Had a big
dinner down at his house—nobody in
vited but me—and had seven skeletons
arranged in chairs around the table.”
“Sprigg'ns—“Horrible! I don’t be
lieve you enjoyed your dinner much.”
Bliggins—“Well, I did, though.
About as much as I ever enjoyed auy
dinner in my life.”
“Spriggins—“You don’t mean it!
What, with seven skeletons sitting at
the table with you! Heavens, mau, it
would drive me mad!”
Bliggius—“Oh, no.
Split Teii-l)ollnr Notes.
A new departure in the matter of coun-
terfeitiug money was brought to light at
the United States Sub-Treasury in Balti
more a few days ago. A somewhat worn
ten-dollar Government bill was pre
sented at the cashier’s window with a re
quest for change, which was given. Tho
note was sent to Washington as muti
lated currency, aud was returned with
the information that one side of the note
: was good, but the other side was a well
| executed counterfeit of the original. It
I was found that a genuine ten-dollar bill
had been split, the face being separated
| from the back, a seemingly impossible
j undertaking. The original face with a
counterfeit back had been used, and it is
quite likely that the genuine back with
a well executed countcrfe t face has been
passed in some other quarter. More re
cently another ten dollar “front” was
presented at the cashier's window with a
similar re piest for change. The clerk
at the window, suspecting the bill, told
the man who haufled it in to wait a mo
ment until he could consult l)r. Bishop,
the Sub-Treasurer. Dr. Bishop recog
nized iu the note the familiar game, and
said it was worth just $5. When the
clerk returned to the window the man
had left without waiting for his change.
The Sub-Treasury, which was out $5 on
the first transaction, was evened up by
the second.—Ballbnore Sun.
Spriggy, my old boy.
An Object Lesson.
School Teacher—“Now which of you
ian tell me what goes round and round
and yet ought to be level?”
Gertie—“I know.”
Scho l Teacher—-“You may answer,
Bertie ’
* Bcrtio~P‘Ma tays pa’s head,
it wouldn’t, I
It didn’t me. \
Didn’t you know that Wiggips had a |
pretty wife and six lovely daughters? I
They made up the party. And they all
brought their skeletons with them.”— I
Summerville Jam n l.
Motherly Firmness.
Two boys in bed. Jim (to Torn!—
“Take your old feet away, now.”
Jim — “Ain’t hurtin’ you.”
Tom—“You are gettin’ over on my
place.”
Jim—“Ain't.”
Tom—“Are.”
Jim—“Story.’'
Mother—“Children, go to sleep.”
Tom—“Jim keeps ou a puttin’ his old
feet on me.”
Jim—“Ain’t, maw.”
Mother—“Jimmie, take your feet
away.”
.Tim —“Ouch! Maw, Tom pinched me.”
Tom—“Didn’t, maw.”
Mother—“If you don’t go to sleep I’ii
come there an’ whip you both.”
Good Qualities of the Oyster.
“It is all nonsense about a steady diet
on oysters being in jurious to the system,”
said a wealthy Thirty-fourth street phy
sician to a reporter the other day.
“Many persons think so, however. It
: may be true that oysters do not produce
j the most plea' ant results when cooked in
a rich style aud eaten just before going
to bed. When taken with wine late at
! night, of course, if there is any bad ef-
feet the next day the oysters are blamed
j for it. Oysters have excellent medicinal
j qualities, are nutritious, and when
I plainly cooked or eaten raw are very
wholesome, especially so in eases of indi
gestion, and that is something that can
not be said of any other alimentary sub-
j stance. During my experience 1 have
I found in several cases where oysters have
been taken daily they have done mueli
' toward curing tlie patient. Invalids have
! discovered in oysters the required ali-
1 merit, bes’des being by far the most
: agreeable food to take. Raw oysters,
too, are said to be good tor hoarseness,
| although I have never tested their merits
j on that point. It is my belief that the
; oyster is the most healthful article of
food known to man.”—New York Mail
j and Express.
A newly-formed church among the
I Zulus has the following among its regu-
1 lations: “No member shall be permitted
j to drink the white man’s grog or native
beer, nor to touch it with his lips.”
A striking figure-
A dealer says that
to be five years old
clam. 1 his is tough. -
The United States
ada in one hand and
and bang their heads 1
ton Free Press.
A leading fashion paper announces,
“The hair is now worn on top of the
head.” We shall continue^to wear ours
about the temples. — Call.
“Garments without buttons” are ad
vertised. Evidently the cast-off clothing
of bachelors who don’t know how to
handle thread and needle.—Norristown
llet aid.
THE DIFFERENCE.
‘‘Doctor, this difference I see
v Twixt you and me, look as I will:
When l treat you I pay the bill—
I pay the bill woen you treat me.
—Judge.
A Waterbary five-year old at the sup
per table Hist evening set down a cup of
milk, which he had raised to his lijps,
with the remark: “Mamma, I believe
the milkman has a sour cow.”—Hart
ford Times.
“Can you tell me anything about the
postage-stamp flirtation?” asks a sub
scriber. Certainly. When he writes to
you and puts two stamps on a one-stamp
letter, he,loves you. When he puts one
stamp unaTWrtlUpip letter, he likes you;
aud-whfin_hfe leav«,
gether, he lover another.—Puck.
He was an Englishman, and he found *
a uew grievance against California. He
was much impressed with the country
and its productions. He was very
enthusiastic until they showed him a
pumpkin weighing 155 pounds. “This
is too much, don’t you know,” he said,
with an injured air. “A pumpkin 155
pounds! Hang it, I only weigh 135 my
self.”—San Francisco Chronicle.
Kunior in Children,
At what age is a sense of humor usual
ly developed? It very rarely exists in
children under twelve. The funny
things that small children say are not
funny to them; the odd and startling
questions they ask have to them no ele
ment of the incongruous. It is usually
only when they lose the faculty cf mak
ing edd or deep observations that they
begin to see any humor iu them. Much
of Iheir apparent brightness comes from
ignorance of the true relation of things.
A couple of incidents illustrate this. A
gentleman iu Massachusetts who was
born for a soldier, but bad never the op
portunity to indulge himself in this ca
pacity. was made a member of the Gov
ernor's staff. He at once procured a
uniform that for gold and gorgeousness
surpa-sed anything ever seen in the mili
tia. Arrayed in this dazzling costume,
he called one evening at a house to ac
company a young lady to a reception.
The little girl of the family, who was
above-stairs watching the progress of
her sister's toilet, ran to the balustrade
and peeped over when the bell rang,
and sa«> this Resplendent Being enter
the ha’l. •'
“Who is it, Joe?” cried the sister.
“I don’ know,” replied the apprecia
tive child—“I don' know, but I think it
is God.”
The other incident may be called more
subjective. A lady one day drove to the
house of a clergyman who served a large
parish, a :d of cou se was frequently sent
for to attend funerals. While the car
riage was waiting, the coachman took
up one of the children of the family, a
boy of three years, and drove round tho
squire. When he was set down, the
boy marched into the parlor, and, by
way of acknowledgment, said to the
lady: “Aunt Lu, I've been ridin’ in your
funeral.”—Harj er.
Crater Lake in Southern Oregon, is
over two thousand feet
eat iu America.
deep- -the deep-
The Beautiful City of Montreal.
The present C.itv of Montreal covers
an area of about eight square miles, its
leading streets running parallel with the
river. A magui 'cent tract of country
watered by the: tt iwa and St. f.awreaco
rivers stretcher away from the city on
either side, making a panorama from the
mountain summit whose beauty is un
rivaled. The city is lea'.ly on an island
some thirty m les long and t* n wide,
justly called the i arden of Canada. Its
situation gives it great c ommccial op
portunity. Situated at the head cf ocean
navigation, its harbor floats not on y the
limited commerce of the river, but ships
whose flags te l of sailing on sdl the waters
of the globe. The current of the river
is very rapid, rushing past the city with
a speed of at leas! seven miles au hour,
giving thus a natural wa'er power th t
turns the wheels of countless factories
and mills along its banks for inile3 above
the city. — Chicago He: al l.
A Boston physician thinks he has run
across the longest word iu use in the
English language. He found it in a med
ical journal, the word being the chemical
terminology for cocaine: Methylben-
zomethoxyethy Retrain'd ropy ridiue arbo-
xylate. There are fifty-t wo letters iu the
word.