The McCormick advance. [volume] (McCormick, S.C.) 1886-1887, December 09, 1886, Image 1
THE MCCORMICK ADVANCE
DEVOTED TO THE GENERAL WELFARE.
VOLUME II.
MoCORMICK, S. C., THURSDAY. DECEMBER 9.1886.
NUMBER 38.
An interesting calculation has bean
made bj a New Ybrk paper, showing
how the steady and rapid payment of the
public debt incurred in the civil war,
combined with the reduction of the in
terest rate and the increase of the popu
lation of the country, has affected the
debt burden bourne by our people per
capita. In I860 the debt amounted to
$78.35 per capita. Last year it amounted
to only $34.14. In 1865 the per capita
portion of the annual interest charge was
$4.29. Last year it was but eighty-three
cents. The ratio of the principal is now
but two-thirds what it then was; that of
the annual interest is but a little more
than one-fifth.
IN AUTUM,
A fairer face than ere did fancy frame
To me in day-dre ams on the gracious queens,
Who reign o’er noble realms of song and fame
Sweeter the sight than all imagined scenes,
As she stood stately in an autumn field,
Her golden ringlets dancing o’er her brow
As sunlight plays about a burnished shield.
The forest spread about her and each bough
Showered its hundred colors at her feet,
A loaf, blood-red, lay in her dainty band,
And from the lips of lily-mold, a sweet
And mellow strain of music filled the land,
While o’er the hills the floods of sunset came,
And all the mighty West was red with
flame.
—John W. Dafoe, in the Current.
The Philadelphia mint is now prepared
to meet the large demand for one and five
cent pieces. The demand for minor
coin is almost unprecedented, and is
equally great in the West, South and.
North. A natural tendency of business
depression is to reduce the demand for
small coin, and the fractional and minor
coin finds its way to the Treasury. As
business revives and small transactions
increase in nnmberthe demand increases.
In this case the one and five cent pieces
in the Treasury are being cleaned and
reissued as rapidly as possible by the
Philadelphia Mint under a small appro
priation for that purpose, and dimes are
being coined under an appropriation for
the recoinage of obsolete or uncurrent
coin in the Treasury.
The statisticians of England cipher out
that life in that country has somewhht
increased in duration during the last gen
eration, and the sanitarians attribute the
gain to the better care which has been
taken of the public health since what is
called sanitary science hai become a sub
ject of special study. But Dr. Thomas
S. Sorinskey, of Philadelphia, writes an
elaborate paper in the Medical atid Surgi
cal Reporter to express his doubt as to
the theory that the average length of
human life is increasing, and presents
an array of figures of the mortality in
England and the United States to sustain
his view. He shows by authentic figure*
that life is longest in Ireland, whose peo
ple, Dr. Sozinskey says, are supposed to
be singularly oblivions to sanitary sci
ence. The inluences working against
the race he holds to be the artificial mode
of existence in civilL eil countries.
[up
to the value of
The unique cx-
SNtr;
oil lighting to electric il-
withom passing through the
intermediate stage of gas lighting is pre
sented by the little town of Tivoli, near
Rome. U pon the occasion of the inau
guration a large number of invited
guests from the town and from Rome
were received by the municipality and
citizens. The guests included the rep
resentatives of England, Spain, Austria
and other nations, and after the city had
been illumiaated a grand banquet was
partaken of in honor of the occasion and
was followed by a musical eutertainment
in the town hall. The success of the
lighting is complete. Arrangements arc
being made for private lighting in Tivoli
and for tt admitting 200-horse-power
from Ti oli to Rome for lighting pur-
pores in the latter city.
This is the season of tbo year when the
*ales of tough old men begin the r
round Conneticut boasts that Colonel
George L. Perkins, of Norwich, who be
gan his 9fith year la t August, has been
trea urer of the Norwich - and Worcester
Railroad Company from the beginning,
and is not—as might be inferred from
his great age—merely a figurehead, but
is the active manager of its finances to
day, and is the source of knowledge to
which the stockholders refer for in
formation concerning the property from
the time of its charter to the present. He
walks a half mile to hi* office every week
day morning, opens all hi s letters and
dictate'> or writes repl’es,-remains there
till noon, devoting all the time to bu i-
ness, when he t kei a carriage to his
house and spends the rest of the day m
reading and attending to matters of home
life. Through some over iglit it is not
stated whether or not Colonel Perkins
uses whisky and tobacco.
The American Cultivator philosoph
ically remarks: “Modern civilization,
which furnishes so many aids to our
natural fa ilities, makes us pay the pen
alty by diminishing their vigor The
electric light enables us to turn night
into day, but it is terribly trying to the
eye-sight. The te'ephone and the loud
noises of large cities dull^the sense of
hearing, so that derfness is becoming
more common. The sedentary life, which
appears to be the inevitable concomitant
of tbe highest scholarship, is detrimental
to physical and manly vigor. Of nil
classes none have received more advan
tage with fewer drawbacks than resi
dents of the country. Much of the severe
toil which formerly made the farmer's
life a burden has been made unnecessary
by labor-saving machinery. The greater
hcalthfulness of country life remains,and
with it are opportunities f<tr intellectual
improvement that fifty or eighty years
ago were confined almost entirely to
cities.
Th * superiority of man to nature is
continually illustrated. Nature needs an
immense quantity of quills to mike a
goose with; but a man can make a goose
of himself with one.
A MYSTERIOUS CLOCK
BY J. A. TRUKSDELI,.
It was not until father’s patience had
ceased to be a polite virtue that Fred
and I decided to carry out our plan.
He had said so many times at breakfast,
just as he laid down the carving-knife
and fork, after waiting on us all:
“Flora, my daughter, 10 o’clock is late
enough for any young man to stay on an
evening call.”"
And Flora had as often looked up im
ploringly, her pretty face on fire', and
said: ‘ Why, papa, how can I help it?”
To this defensivo inquiry father would
not deign to reply, while mother, Aunt
Elizabeth and we boys maintained a pio-
found silence, each doubtless pondering
how the difficult question might be
solved.
Roger Pcttijohn was a sophomore in
the college town in which we lived. He
“led his class,” was the son of his father,
Judge Pettijohn, and a general favorite
with the young people. Fred and I
rather liked him; his boats were always
at our service, and it was one of our
choicest pleasures to spend an hour in
the study which he had fitted up in one
of the college dormitories, to “be with
the boys.” There was no end of curious
things there, for Roger was not 4 mere
“dig,' but an enthusiastic student of
nature, and a famous good pitcher in £he
college nine. Bt sides a well-stocked
aquarium and a large collection of stuffed
birds, his room was decked out with
fencing foils, patent oars, boxing-gloves,
a fine pair of antlers sent him from
Texas, and a good many things that
would inteicst boys.
But the one drawback to our enjoy
ment of Roger Pettijohn was that he
came to see our sister Flora not less than
three evenings in a week, and the town
clock usually struck 11 as he v\entwh : s-
tling homeward. Not tlat we boys or
the h usehold were at all put out by his
calls. We never heard anything from
the parlor, save the subdued murmur of
talking or reading, and now and then
the melodious tenes of piano or flute.
But it was one of our little domestic se
crets that Flora was working for the
valedictory in her class at thj '
-amd-wmtI~frnevrBhCT<!>ul(T
laid each bright silver section carefully
in itsjilace in the ebony box which he
had himself made for it. As father fin
ished his question, Roger snapped down
the cover of the box, and retorted,
stiffly:
“If you allude to the duet which Miss
Flora and I have boen practicing, I must
at least thank you for as much of your
compliment as includes myself. If"you
allude to the misfortune which seems to
have overtaken yoijur clock, excuse me if
I tell you that you or some of your house
hold know more about that than I do.
I wish you a Aery good evening, Mr.
Shaw. Good evening. Miss Shaw.”
And the wrathful Mr. Petti john turned
on his heel, and a moment later the front
door shut behind him with no uncertain
sound.
“ ‘Miss Shaw’!” I whispered to Fred.
“That’s murderous! He’s fearful mad,
or he never would say ‘Miss Shaw' 1”
Roger did not whistle as he walked
briskly down the gravel path. We could
just see his form as he passed in the dark
ness.
When we looked again into the parlor,
Aunt Elizabeth, prim and straight, in
her morning wrapper, candle in hand,
and her eyes snapping and gleaming like
a cats’s back in tne dark, stood between
father and Floors, looking inquiringly
from one to the biher. Mother had also
come into the room, her face.the pictute
of bewilderment and despair.
We thought it was time to draw the
curtain on our joke. We carefully low
ered the window, aud taking a last look
at the distressful tableau, hurried into
the kitchen, twitched off our boots, and
hastened up stairs. In a minute we
1 were well abed. The clock was striking
as we dropped off,to sleep.
Our experiences next morning do not
need to be described. We were found
out, of course. Hlors wore an injured
air for a week. Father was stern, but
we half suspected that he indirectly ap
proved our course! Roger Pettijohn's
ring did not distort) our door-bell for
i months.
When it was certaiu that Flora had
, vanquished all competitors for the head
1 of her class, Fred and I managed to let
; him know how “misfortune” came upon
' our clock. We put the works back into
| the case, and with proper ceremony made
1 him a present of it, and it was given an
i honored place in his room. When at ths
academy commencment Flora bore off
the valedictory, h~r largest bouquet had
Roger's card neatly attached with a blue
ribbon.
The funniest oart of the affair was
that when the c ock began to strike on
that memorable evening. Aunt Elizabeth
began counting the .strokes, according
to her invariable habit, and, although
i she went down into the parlor and re
turned to her room after half an hour,she
averred that she had counted every
stroke, and that tbe clock struck exactly
nine hund'ed and ninety-six times. Nine
hundred and ninety-six o’clock became
a family by-word: —Argonaut.
:e it il sue
could get time to study at homo. But,
with all the numberless housekeeping
duties which she took upon herself,
there was often not much of a study hour
left her. So Roger Pettijohn’s calls, en
joyable as they might be, were not so
cordially thought of or mentioned in the
family circle eg they would have been
had they been fewer or shorter.
All this accounts for the plan which
Fred and I determined to carry out.
We said that Mr. Roger Pettijohn
should be made aware of the fight of
time, if such a thing were possible.
It was several days before we hit upon
a scheme that suited us. Any number
of rude jokes that might easily be
worked out came into our minds; but we
were not sure that we should enjoy rude
jokes ourselves.
One day at school Fred looked up from
his algebra with a peculiar grin. . In a
few minutes I saw a note working its
way from de&k to desk toward me. At
last it came, and I eagerly opened it al
most in plain sight of the Argus-eyed Mr.
Winter, who, we thought, spent more
of his time in prohibiting “evil commu
nications,” than in explaining equations
and construing our difficult Latin sen
tences.
Fred's note was as follows:
“I’ve got it! You know the old clock?
Well, nfmake it strike P. so hard he’ll un
derstand. Don’t forget it. More later.
* I hardly understood; but I gave my
consent without hesitation to Fred’s plan,
whatever it might be; for he had what
we boys call “a long head and a safe
heel.”
Among the treasures in our workshop
was a woru-out clock. The old time
piece had come down from another
generation, and had been in its day
quite valuable; but in the days when
Roger Pettijohn came to see our sister
Flora, an old-fashioned, tall clock was
not so highly prized as now. Bric-a-
brac huntipg was an unknown mania,
and a cl )ck that would not tell the time
of day, no matter how ancient and hon
orable its history, was well out of the
way in a boy’s workshop.
This old clock Fred ahd I had taken
to pieces and put together again times
without number, in tne hope of making
it keep time so that we could put it in
our room. Sometimes it would go nicely
for several hours, and then some unlucky
pinion would slip its place, the pendu
lum would slowly come to a standstill,
and the piteous, patient-looking old faco
would stare at us as if in blank disap
pointment at being left behind in the
march of time. But, worn out and use
less as it was as a time-keeper, it could
strike as loudly and boldly as in its
younger days; and we had no small
amount of fun in turning the wheels so
as to hear its silvery ring arid asthmatic
wheeze.
After school we discus-ed Fred’s plan
thoroughly and enthusiastically. It is
doubtful if we en joyed its fruition more
than we did talking it over, and eagerly
adding suggestion after suggestion unnil
it was, in our estimation, perfect.
“The plan is just this, Jamie,” said
Fred. “Take the works out 6f the case,
fasten them in tbe fireplace, put a long,
stout string on in place of tbe striking-
weight cord, wind the reel on the strik
ing side as full as we can, then pass the
line up over a pulley at the top of the
chimney, and put on the weight. The
old thing will strike as long as it takes
the weight to run down.”
It took some time to get everything
ready. No spy was ever more secret or
cautious in his movements than we. We
never talked of our plans where any one
could hear. In the workshop, with doors
•hut and locked, or at sundown, driving
home the cows from the pasture lot, or
at night, buried in the bod-clothes we
discussed it.
The preparations, too, had to be made
in the night. We nearly broke our
necks climbing out on the roof night
after night to arrange our “crack o’
doom,” as Fred called it. Nailing the
works of the clock in the parlor fireplace
required all our skill in amateur burglary.
But we managed to accomplish the task-
although I was shut up behind the fire,
board naif the night, and Fred sprained
his ankle, jumping out of the window
when mother came into the room after a
book.
At last all was ready. By means of a
string which one of us could pull from
the kitchen (where a ladder was to
furnish a safe retreat to terra firma), a
shingle, holding the weight at the top of
the chimney, would be jerked out; and
as the weight began to fall tbe clock
would begin to strike.
The next thing was to get the oppor
tunity to put our scheme in operation.
Strangely, Mr. Pettijohn’s skillful feat
of pulling our door bell just so as to
cause the bell to ring out three distinct
taps and no more, was not performed for
a full week. Fred and I were in mortal
dread everd day that our preparations
would be discovered. Any day father
might take a notion to clean out the
parlor fireplace and tbe chimney. Fortu
nately he did not, and Mr. Roger’s
peculiar ring at the door-bell at last
pealed on ears that were most intently
listening for that welcome sound.
We boys slipped out of the kitchen,
where we had been engaged in a fierce
debate with Aunt Elizabeth on a propo
sition to keep our pet chickens in the
cellar next winter instead of in the barn.
Our first impulse was to plant ourselves
in position on the roof of the kitchen
ready to pull the string. On second
thought we reflected that our intended
victim would probably spend the even
ing, and we concluded to make the best
of our situation by waiting until we
thought he ought to be getting ready to
depart. The better to ward off suspicion
we spent the evening several blocks
away, with some of our boy friends.
As we approached the house, a little
before ten o'clock^ we saw the light
streaming from the parlor window, and
knew our prey was still there.
I took my place at the string, trem
bling with expectation of the critical
moment, when Fred, who had station'id
himself in the lilac bushes under the j
south window of the parlor, should give
me the signal by throwing a pebble on
the kitchen roof.
Time, always slow when waited, was
never so slow, it seemed, as during the
full hour I waited for the thud of that
pebble on the roof. The night train
came thundering up the valley while I
sat there, and I counted echo after echo
of the shrill whistle of its locomotive,
and traced its snake-like line of light un
til it wound around a distant hill and
was out of sight. How the do^s barked
night 1 I busied mvself in dis^p-
guishing the score or more of canine
voices whose nightly bayings were famil- j A peculiar class of book hunters haunt
iar in our neighborhood. Now and then the large junk shops in search of rare or
the popular jnonthly
f
old Boze, our fam ly horse, would shake
himself in his stall aud munch his pro-
vender for a moment or two, and then
cease to make a living sound. A long
odd books and
magazines. These genteel chiffonieres,
if they may be called such, occasionally
strike valuable finds in old literature,
story could be told of the pictures that which costs them at the rate of 6 cents
were called before my mind by the noises per pound. Another class of buyers look
I heard in that single hour. . up the monthly parts of magazines, and
Suddenly, in the midst of one of these upon completing the set dispose of them,
mental pictures, Fred's pebble fell, strik- usually to the Cornhill second-hand
ing me so that I pul ed the string with- book-stores. These buyers often tackle
out a thought of what I was doing.
Hurrying down the ladder, I found
Fred in the lilacs.
The old clock was striking with a ner
vous staccato that fairly made us dance
for joy. It had then struck up to eleven.
Fred had given the signal just as the sit
ting-room clock began to strike.
Flora and her caller were engaged in
a duet, she at the piano and he with his
flute. As long as the music lasted we
hardly expected they would be disturbed
by the clock.
For several minutes piano, flute and
a pile of^old paper stuff that keeps them
busy for"a week or longer, and it is of
ten the case that their lab ir is unre
warded. The law of compensation seems
to be a factor in the old junk business,
for many people get a good living from
other people’s waste, and some even get
rich out of it. Even the old tin cans,
which were formerly condemned as use
less, and millions of which have been
planted in tbe creation of the Back bay
district of Boston, are now utilized, and
the metal sheet made from them can be
japanned, or tinned, or galvanized,
or
and clock kept up the peculiar trio, we treated in any wily that the material
boys enjoying it with gigantic grins and ma< ^ e from the original ore is treated.
— - Out of the iron are made buttons, shoe
lace ends, show cards, telephones, electric
lights and letter boxes, small ware. etc.
There are parties in Boston who make
frequent chuckles. Through a fold of
the window-curtain we could see the
faces of our victims.
“He!” whispered Fred, “Flo hears
it! See! She thinks something’s wrong
with the music.”
The players kopt on a few minutes
longer, when suddenly Flora stopped.
the collection of old tin, tin cuttings and
old tin cans a regular business, and make
money out of it. The material is sent to
New York, where it is utilized. So the
The fllute and the clock now had it alone utilization of tin-plate cuttings and the
recovery of the tin has grown out of the
same channel of scientific thought and
experiment that long ago took the rags
from the dunghill and converted them
into sheets of paper.—Boston Herald.
for a moment, and then the sound of the
clock was left master of the situation.
We were where we could see Roger’s
face plainly. The puzzled expression that
passed over it and lingered a moment
was indescribable. Flora had not moved
from her place, and sat, with one hand
uplifted from the piano keys, listening
intently and wonderingly to the meas
ured striking, which now seemed louder
than ever. Then we saw Roger’s lips
move, and Flora turned blushing and
said something which, of cours*, we
could not hear. Whatever it was, they
did not seem to understand each other
any better than we did.
All of a sudden both faces turned
toward the sitting-rcom door. Father
was coming! In a moment be was in the
room, in his dressing-gown, and holding
a lamp, as if he had been searching the
house over for the cause of this unseemly
disturbance. What he said we did not
hear. * It must have been something se
vere; for Flora blu'-hed redder than
ever, and a desperate gleam came into
Roger’s eyes.
Fred and I began to realize that wc
were in something of a scrape. But we
were bound to enjoy it while we could,
and we managed with a sharpened stick
to pry up the window so we could hear
what was going on.
“What on earth does this mean.
Flora?*’ shouted father.
Poor Flora had buriod her blushes in
her hands, and gave no answer.
Father looked from Flora to Roger
and back to Flora again, and said, louder
than before:
“I want an answer; what does this all
mean?”
“Oh, father!” cried Flora, “I don’t
really know, unless the sitting-room
clock is bewitched.”
“I have stopped every clock in the
house,” replied father, in stentorian
tones.
Roger's face turned white and red by
turns; but he did not attempt to say
anything. Father turned to him:
“Mr. Pettijohn, can you tell me what
this unearthly din in my house at nearly
midnight means?”
Roger had disjointed his flute, and
South African Gold Discoveries.
The gold fever that has laid hold upon
South Africa threatens to rival in its heat
and intensity the earlier days of the Aus
tralian and Californian gold fields. Every
mail brings the news of fresh “rushes.’
In addition to the established fields of
the Transvaal, gold appears to have been
found at Witwatersrand and in the Hei
delberg and Waterberg districts of that
Repub ic. Discoveries are also reported
in the reserve territory of Zululand near
the Natal border, in distant Amaswazi-
land (a native State east of the Trans
vaal now being slowly “eaten up” by
the Boer), in the Kuysna district of the
Cape Colony, and even in the Orange
free State. Such alluring miners’ names
as “Queen of Sheba Roof,” “The Wheel
of Fortune,” and others, are upon the
tongues of every one, and speculation
grows rampant. It is to be said, to the
credit of South African newspapers, that
they are warning their neighbors to ex
ercise caution. It is pointed out that of
six thousand people now in the Trans
vaal gold fields only a small proportion
are earning wages, and many will return
to die of starvation on the road. It is a
characteristic of South African gold that
it is usually found in quartz reef, and
powerful crushing machinery is there
fore demanded for its extraction. The
• new fields consequently are not likely to
afford great facilities to the small digger
who works hi* own claim.—St. James's
Gazette.
Eve, Midnight and Next Day.
The small boy, with complacent mien,
At twilight eats the apple green.
The doctor pours, at midnight dim,
Jamaica giuger into him.
He vows, while in the colic’s power,
No more green apples he'll devour.
Next day, recovered from his pain,
He hankers for the fruit again.;
( —Charlestown Enterpr a*
BUDGET OF FUN.
HUMOROUS SKETCHES PROM
VARIOUS SOURCES.
Mutual—“Families Supplied*’--About
an Even Thlnjc—Positively Dis
honest—He Drew the Dine
—An Hour of Terror.
Billings (meeting Baxter, who is walk
ing rapidly aloDg the street)—“Helloa,
Baxter, why this rush:”
Baxter—“I am walking fast to keep
that fellow Staggs from catching up with
me. He's an awful bore. So long.”
Billings (meeting Staggs who is walk
ing slowly)—“Helloa. old fellow, why
are you poking along this way?”
Staggs—“To keep from catching up
with that fellow Baxter. He’s the worst
bore in town.”—Arkansas Traveler.
Families Supplied.
“Do you see that sign across the street,
the sign over the grocery store reading
‘Families Supplied ?’ ” said a vermillion-
beaked tramp to his mate.
“Yes, wot about it ?”
“Bill went in there yesterday and he
asked the man to make good his sign -or
take it in.”
‘ 41 What d’ye mean ?”
“The grocer's advertising ‘Families
Supplied,’ and Bill laid down a nickle
and said he would tdke a wife.and two
children. He said he was tired of work
and wanted someone to take care of him. ” \
— Carl Pretzel.
About an Even Thiug.
A Detroiter who was working across
one of the Northern countries with a
horse and buggy this summer met a far
mer on foot and asked him how far it
was to Greenvillle.
“Which one?” was the query after
half a minute spent in reflection.
“Why, I didn’t know that there was
but one Greenville.”
“Didn’t you? Ihere’s oue in South ‘
Carolina, a second in Kansas, a third in ;
Ohio and a fourth in Iowa. Which one *
do you want to go to;”
“The nearest one.”
“Well, that's about seven jniles off. '
Next time you inquire for Greenville j
you'd better name the State. Got any !
tobacco?”
“Which tobacco do you want?”
“Why, I didn't know as there tvas
more’n one tobacco.”
“Oh, yes there is. There's plug to
bacco, tine-cut, shorts and smoking.
Which did you want?’*
“Wall, 1 11 take plug.”
“1 haven’t got any. Next time you
inquire for tobacco you'd better mention
the kind.”
The two looked each other over for a
minute and then separated for; life.—
Detroit Free Press.
Positively Djyhoaett.
"The following story/nlustratfve of the”
honesty of the border American and the
Mexican, is said to be true. It was re
lated to the writer by a well-known
printer, who declares that it has, not
withstanding its truthfulness, never
been published. This explanation is
necessary in order to protect the writer
against the probable charge of “chcst-
nutism.”
An American ranchman had employed
a Mexican herder. The American owed
the Mexican $60, and as money was not
very plentiful with him, began to devise
me t ns of a cheaper sett lement. One
eveniug while the two men were in the
kitchen the American took down a coffee
mill and said: “This is the most won
derful machine in the world. It was re
cently invented in the United States, and
is valued at $100. See here? Instead of
having to crush your coffee with a stone,
you put it in this way and grind it up.
I nevi r saw anything like it. Old man
Jones over here wants it so bad he don’t
know what to do. Offered me $100 for
it, but I would not accept the offer.”
The Mexican listened attentively, but
assumed an air of indifference. The
American left the mill on a shelf. When
he got up the next morning ha found
that the Mexican and the coffee mill had
disappeared.
“You can’t place any confidence in the
honesty of a Mexican,” said he. “That
fellow was positively dishonest.”—Ar
kansas Traveler.
“Ooh!” he called out, “great heav
ens, but how I suffer! Why was I such
a fool as to follow that villain’s ad
vice?”' '
He had probably takeu poison, or was
trying to drive a darning-needle to his
heart. The landlady thought of the
Coroner’s inquest, the item in the papers
and the questions the reporters would
ask, and she grew frantic.
“Hey, Smith-Mr. Smith—you, Smith!”
she called, as she rapped on the door,
“but what on earth is the matter;”
“Nothing!” came the solemn answer,
but as she put her ear to the key-hole
she heard soft groans, and a whispered
voice saying:
“It’s got to be done at any co-t”’
“Mr. Smith - ,” she continued, “don’t
you dare commit suicide in my house!
If you do I’ll have you sent to jail for a
year! It wasn’t six months ago that a
woman tried to poison herself to death
in that very room, and I haven’t got
over the fright.yet. - Say, you!”
“Well,” came the faint reply.
“Have you taken poison ?”
“No.”
There was an interval of silence while
she put her ear to the key-hole again,
and pretty soon she heard the boarder
gallop up and down- and hiss betweep
his clenched teeth:
“Great Scots! but was mortal man
ever called upon to suffer as I do? ”
“Say!” she whispered as she turned
to the boarders, “this door has got to be
broken down without delay. That un
grateful man has taken poison and is de
termined to die on a bed which cost me
over $20 last fall, saying nothing of a
second-hand carpet which I traded a
sewing machine for. Mr. Green, kick'
open the door! ”
“If Green is there I’ll let him in,” an
nounced Smith, and he opened a crevice
just large enough to squeeze in.
Then came a whispered consultation,
followed by shouts ot' paip and terror,
and Green came to the door with an ob
ject in his hand and calmly said:
“Ladies aud gentlemen, It was simply
a case of pulling off a porous plaster
which he Lad worn for six weeks.
Please forgive him, for he’ll never do so
again.”—Detroit Free Press.
Chewing the Cud.
Thomas D. Baird says in the New York
Tribune: A very large tribe of animals,
of which sheep and cows are familiar ex
amples, chew the cud. They do so ,ba-
cause their peculiar orgflns of digestion
require it. They can get their perfect
nourishment in no other way. They
have, it is said, four stomach®, but the
statement is not strictly correct, for the
entire digestion is done in a single one—
that which is called the fourth—the other
three being only places for preparatory
work. Their food is swallowod without
being much chewed; the chewing is to
come later. When this partially chewed
food is swallowed it passes directly into*
the first stomach, which serves only to
soak and soften the coarse food. When
the first-Jins done whalrit can the fond
passes out of it inWWe second, and t
the cow or sheep is ready to “chew the
A WIFE'S LAMENT.
I know a mountain, high and grand*
And seamed with chasms dark and deep
Dark, stern, magnificent! it stands
Aud guards the hamlet at its feet.
Through clond and fog and morning mist,
Unmoved by tempest, storm or time;
And wheu the sun its brow has kissed
It smiles with radiance snblime!
The fertile valley lies below
Clothed la her shimmering summer dress,
And smile^ tthto the gray, cold rock
tfStSix - -
That <
s, but stoops not to caress.
I know a f^Ckingly faco,
That tow<#$ high above my own, . i
An artist's eye, a form of grace,
A poet's soul—a heart of stone 1
He stands unmoved by praise or blame,
With conscious power and mind complete
He lives for labor, art and fame,
Nor heeds the offerings at his feet.
I'd give the world were I the sun,
To kiss to smiles that haughty face, I
And see the lightning glance of love
Light up those eyes with tender grace. j
I nestle mutely at his feet,
He shields me from the storms of life,
I bring him offerings pure and sweet,
A worshiping, devoted wife.
But ah! his heart once all my own,
Forgets the gracious tenderness .,
Of bygone days. I sit alone, q j
He guards, but stoops not to caress. j
—Jacinta Jacques, in Omaha World. !
PITH AND_ POINT. ,
; A swell dinner—Dried apples.
Gymnastic table ware—Glass tumblers
A striking expression—“Hit ’em agin.”
The eagle is a tough bird, but when
it is put on the back ot a dollar it is legal
tender.—Merchant-Traveler. .
Now goes each gentle maiden forth
To gather autumn leaves;
Aud when she's stuffed her pocket full
She crams them up her sleeves.
—Boston Budget.
The S-ientific American has a very in
teresting article on “Tobacco Blindness,”
biii we'll venture to say that no smoker
was ever so tobacco blind that he could
not see the cigars sticking out of the top
of a companion's vest-pocket.—Puck.
He stuttered,
And muttered:
“For yqur hand I’m ap-ap-pealing.
She grumbled,
And mumbled:
“1 never did like apple-pealing.”
—QoodcuFs Sun.
A dog with a tin can attached to his
tail by a stout cord passed hurriedly down
the street. “Is that dog mad?” asked a
pedestrian. “Well,” responded another,
“I caught a glimpse of his countenance
as he passed by and he didn't look the
least b.t pleased. ~ - <
He (trying to get out of it pleasantly)
— “I’m awfully sorry that I mast go to
night, Miss Bessie. What an
two weeks we’ve had of it. 1 1
ask your
He Drew the Line.
“Well, Charley, I hear you don't call
on Miss Jones any more,”
“No, Tve quit.”
“What’s the matter? Did she go back
on you?”
“No. That wasn't it. The luxury
was becoming too expensive.”
“Expensive! I thought Miss Jones
was a model girl, never ate ice cream, j
oysters or anything of that kind.”
“She doesn’t. It was the dog that
made it so expensive.”
“The dog!”
“Ye*. He kept me all the time paying
tailor bills. I had to wear a Prince Al- ;
bert coat and fasten the tails together at
the bottom. I tried pin- once but never j
aga'n. I kept them sewed after that,
but it spoilt the fit of the coat aud made
me look like a balloon getting ready for
an ascension. I would have sacrificed
much for that dear girl, but I can wear
out trousers enough on my own account.
without calling in the as-i-tance of a
pug-no-ed canine that is two-thirds teeth.”
—Merchant 'Traveler.
A11 Hour of Terror.
When lie had been there one week the
boarding-house keeper said that he was
one of the nicest, quietest young men
she had ever had in her house. He had
no complaints to make at the tabic, and
he left his room so slick and clean that
the chambermaid had suspicions that he
was a woman iu disguise. At the end
of the month, rather than to have him
go, the landlady would have agreed to
purchase porterhouse steak once a week,
and to replace the old rug in his room
with a new - one costing fifty cents. The
other night, however, her enthusiasm re
ceived a set-back. One of the boarders
came down stairs and reported that he
had In ai d groans and sighs and curses
from the quiet boarder’s room. Three
or four people tip-toed up, and after a
hit they plainly caught his words:
“Ouch! llang it! Condemn it to
Halifax, but it's killing me by inches!”
Theu it was realized that the quiet man
had some great sorrow on his mind, and
it was suspected that he was contemplat
ing suicide.
cud.”
The second stomach while soaking the
food keeps it in motion, and gradually
rolls it up into masses so that iu the
small upper part there is found au ob
long solid lump of the size that we rec
ognize as the “cud.'’ This the animal
throws up into the moufh and chews
with evidently as much satisfaction as the
same act of mastication gives us when
we put the most delicate morsels be
tween our teeth. When it is sufficently
chewed the mass is swallowed and its
place taken by another which has been
rolled up in the meantime. But the
“cud” thus masticated doe9 not return
to the second stomach from which it
came; it passes smoothly into the third,
a place for additional lubrication, and
then into the fourth, where the tfue di
gestion begins and ends.
A Virginia Romance. ,
Here is a story from Nottoway County
that will please the most sensational.
Two years ago there dwelt in this county
two individuals. One of the individ
uals was a handsome and prosperous y
young farmer; the other was a saucy and
bewitching damsel of eighteen summers.
The farmer was a stern man. The bluest
of old Virginia blood coursed through
his veins. He was a prominent member
of the village church. He dwelt in a
fashionable bouse. He had plenty of;
horses and servants. The young farmer
didaiot associate»with the rest of the vil- j
lagers. Oh! no; he was too proud foi
that. But mark the change. One year
thereafter he fell in love with a pretty ;
girl far beneath him in social rank ‘
and position. He pleaded in vain
for her love, but she told him
she loved another. This drove the young
farmer mad, and in a few months he had
to be taken to the Eastern lunatic asylum
at Williamsburg. But the romance did
not end here. The happy and expectant
bride was anxiously awaiting her nuptial
day, which the fates, it will be seen, de
termined to be otherwise. Her sweet
heart was thrown from a horse and in- j
stantly killed. When the sad news was
conveyed to her she became a raving
maniac. She was also taken to the East
ern lunatic asylum, where she met ths
man who had wrecked his physical and
mental capacities on account of her. The
sight of the woman who spurned his love j
drove him into such a frenzy that a
straight jacket had to he put upon him,
and the very mention of her name would
throw him into a violent rage. Thus is
life!—Petersburg Index-Appeal.
j horse?,
William, I knew it would come,
asked pa yesterday so as to save you the
trouble. He’s more than willing.”—-
Tid-Bits.
Fiddles for Firewood.
Whej» Ole Bull, the renowned violin
ist, was staying in Paris in 1840 he re
turned home late one evening from a
concert, ;md as the night was cold he
ordered his man to make a fire in his
room. The latter dragged toward the
fireplace a huge box, on which the word
“firewood” was painted in large letters.
In answer to Ole Bull’s astonished in
quiry the servant told him that the box
had been delivered that day at noon by
his master’s orders, os he thought. On
being broken open the box was found to
contain twenty-two violins And the fol
lowing letter: “Great Master: The un
dersigned, being members of various
amateur philharmonic societies, hereby
declare that they will henceforth cease
to perform on the accompanying instru
ments. The same wood from which Ole
Bull can draw life, love, sorrow, passion
and melody, is only to be regarded as—
fuel for the flames in the hands of the
undersigned, who therefore request the
maestro to make an auto-da-fe of the en
closures, and to look upon the ascending
smoke as incense offered to his genius by
penitent dabblers in the noble art.” This
curiou* epistle bore the signatures of
twenty-two young men. Three days
afteward Ole Bull gave a dinner, to
which he invited all the senders of the
valuable “firewood.” Each guest had
lying before him on the table one of the
violins referred to, and by its side a gold
ring with the incription “Solitude and
Perseverance”—a piece of seasonable ad-
v’.eo to the faint-hearted dilettante, and
a symbolic indication of the means by
which the virtuoso himself had attained
to fame.—Rundschau.
The Mitten.
(From Mollle.)
This little mitt I hope will fit,
’Tis for your hand intended. It
took me very long to knit, But I am
glad to send it. You'll wonder why I
send but one, And think I acted blind
ly, But one will do the best for you,
And you may thank me kindly. It is
all wool of good stout yarn. Your yarns
are all un- common, And I am sure
a gladder gift was never sent by
woman : And by this mitten you will
see That you I’ve not forgotten, And
when you wear it think ot - me— It’s
real and not cotton. I hope to
night you will not write, And say
it is un- mated. And think it
only half a gift. And feel but half
elated; But if you find one will
not do, And you can only rest
with two, With fingers
which are deft ones,
I’ll set to work,
And send to yon,
Another mitt—
both left
ones.
—A. W. Bellaw, in Free Press.
The Largest Balloon.
The largest balloon ever made is that
of Herr Ganswindt. at Berlin. This
ballon is cigar-shaped, about 100 yards
long by sixteen yards iu diameter. The
Ganswindt machine is said to be capa
ble or carrying a load of nearly three
tons and a half, independently of its car
and steam engines, which together
weigh about twenty-one and a half tons.
Propulsion is effected by means of three
aerial screws; two of these, each eleven
yards in diameter, are vertical, whilst
the other, measuring eight yards in di
ameter, is horizontal. Herr Ganswindt
affiims that he will be able to attain a
speed of fourteen to sixteen yards per
second, or a mile in less than two min
utes, and that he will be able to travel
in any direction he pleases, even in the
midst of the most violent storms.
The Latest English Puzzle.
The English national mania for puz
zles lias broken out again, and in spite
o" Mr. Gladstone and Home Rule, more
than half the country, including its bel
ligerent political chiefs, is engaged upon
a puzzle \yhich has been launched by Mr.
Barn. No one has as yet succeeded in
finding a solution.
The puzzle is to square the queen as
under:
Q U E E N
U
E
E
N
The four horizontal lines beginning
U
E
E
N
a: e to be filled up with English words whlea
shall lead vertically as well.