The new South. (Port Royal, S.C.) 1862-1867, April 23, 1864, Image 1
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THE NEW w SOUTH.
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Vol. 2, No. 33. Port Royal, S. C., Saturday, April 23, 1864. Whole No. 85.
<$hc Jew JSoutft.
PUBLISHED EVERY SATVRPAY MORXISO BY
J. H. SEARS, Editor and Proprietor.
PllICE:
One Copt tive wn?
I'M Hl'NDlCtP, $3 50.
TUIUIK Months 0 50.
TERMS CASH.
Advertisements Twenty-Five Cents per line for
each insertion.
Office, Phoenix Building, Union Square adjoining
I\/tl Qffice.
TO A 131RD.
From the sunny Southern land.
From the land of vine and palm,
Leaves by tropic breezes fanned,
Myrtle bowers and groves of balm,
Islands of ths far off main,
Thou hast corns to us again.
Though as yst the April showers,
Hardly have awaited the dead ;
Though as yet the sweet May flowers,
Vn tti? aun-shine lift their head :
* I have heard thy aong to day,
Sweet forerunner of the May.
Little prophet of the Spring,
Whose the hand that led thy flight*
In thy ceaseless journeying,
Whose hand guided the aright?
Over seas and solitudes,
Back unto thy nativo woods f
?fr>re is over all,
He, who hears the raveii'S crr~ - *
He, Who marks the sparrow's fall:
A id shall yet forsaken die 1
Will He be our guide and stay
Through the perils of the way ?
Let us learn of thee tb trust.
In the darkest, saddest day,
Looking upward rrom mc uu?,
Looking onward to the May,
Knowing how the April showers
Bring the sunshine and the flower*.
[By Telejraph From Fori Fulaski.]
The Tooth-l'ick Club.
12 m.?The arrival of the distinguished
members of the Tooth-Fick Club is anxiously
awaited by all. The arrangements
for their reception are complete in every
particular. If the sun continues to shed
?>;? lirriif. nnd tlift creat erlobe doesnol
"&"*? * O o
cease to revolve, this day will ever be
remembered as one of the brightest it
our liistory. The ceremonies of the
gr^nd fete will commence immediate!}
after the steamer bearing the Tooth-pickians
shall have reached a point in the
rive: one mile below the Fort.
12,30 p.m.?The man on flie look-oul
rspjrts the appearance of an object fai
down the river whicL he says must be th<
expected steamer. An indiscreet chaj
ha ring remarked that perhaps the objec
P" the steamer, was instantly knock
ed down by the look-out man, whici
little episode was followed by heavy bet
I ting on the part of various persons as t<
the justification, under the circumstan
ce3, of the tipping-over act The resul
will be harmonious as the betting is ai
on one side.
1 p.m.?The steamer is approachinj
the Fort Nothing can be seen of th
steamer itself in consequence of the pro
iu<e d:splay of buntine which c#ver? th
, *
.L
hull, deck and rigging. The captain is
jerking the bell in the wildest conceivable
mnnner, and at intervals the whistle
shrieks forth in strains ten times more
i hideous than the howl of a maddened
tom-cat. To add to the general uproar
the Fort is booming out an everlasting
salute of two thousand tivc-hundi-ed guns,
; causing the walls to be enveloped in one i
' (vast, dense volume of smoke.
J 1.30.?The steamer has touched the
1 pier. Three Tooth-pickians only?Expecto,
Excuso and Expiro, are among the
guests. They pledge their sacred honor,
which is considered not worth a tinker's
hammer, that the three remaining members
of the elub will be present in season
to participate in the evening festivities.
The steamer's passeuger list, showing the j
1 names of fifteen gentlemen and one i
I thousand ladies, causes a terrible flatter!
I among the party at the Fort. The three I
| Tooth-pickians have found shelter under ]
j the hospitable wings of the great military!
birds here assembled. The ladies, all of
whom are the choicest flowers of Eden,
are so captivating in beauty and grace
that one ton of table salt has been or- j
dercd to preserve the senses of the gen- j
tlemen.
2 p. si.- -Tbo Tooth pickian* are engages^
I nivktirifl thfl T^nrt. nhsprvma!
with minute attention the color, Bize and j
j artistic appearance of every brick that j
?j composes that immense fabric. It is j
understood in certain circles that Expccto j
| is the special recorder for the club, from
! the fact that his pockets are loaded with
memorandum books, pencils, pens, and
pieces of chalk. Excuso exhibits a,
thorough acquaintance with everything j
connected with the Fort, a circumstance
vrhich disposes manyjto tLe belief that he |
h.ic n militnrv connection with the trarri-1
' son. Expiro saunters along the parapet
' with liis hands locked behind hhn, and
is remarked to be deeply engrossed in
I scanning tlie ordnance, and at times to
pick up a fuse, on the merit* of which
he expatiates at great length. A few
i minutes ago he became so earnest in his
s explanation that one of Lis listeners
turned to a friend and said "Tkisblas
ted fellow, you know, became so excited,
! you know, in talking about the fuse, thal^
he punched me in the ribs and nearly
t knocked the wind from me, you know.'
r The Tootk-pickians are descending the
i parapet for the purpose of preparing for
> the banquet
t 2.1o.?The Tooth-pickions crossed the
- terrnplane five minutes ago. They are
11 now in the private quarters of the chid
-! officer busily engaged in arranging their
)! toilet and performing other customary
- '< preliminaries consequent upon the ban-!
i nn.i> TVirtv nlilv assisted bv one
I "-"-J ?J
1 i dozen champagne, ten bottles of whisky
, and two of stomach bitters.
; 2.30?The party arc beginning to feel
- good.
>- 3 p. m. ?The tooth-pickians with spirits
e most buoyant are entering the banquet
i
hall A band of one hundred and fifteen
live musicians stand iust without the en-1
trance and are playing on their instruments
with such energy that little bits of
toss can be seen fly ng through the air.
The Tooth-pickians are seated at the j
table. 'Jliey occupy a position three
yards and two inches from the door, and
about the same distance from the sidetable.
They handle the knife and fork
with facility, and the way the roast beef
is disappearing causes the sable attendants
to heave a sigh. They positively
refuse to drink anything stronger than j
water. Everything goes on as " memos
a marriage bell."
4 p. m.?By invitation the party are ,
at one*of the batteries to witness the
gunners bring down a squirrel eight miles
distant with a 100-pounder shot The.
gunners have accomplished the feat The!
party retire. *
5 p. m.?Sapper 'jp announced. The j
Tooth-pickians are pitching into the viands
with a vengeance.
7 p. m.?Expono, Existo and Expungo
have just arrived at the pi*r. They are
greeted at the Fort with yells of delight [
They are surrounded by the multitude!
who bear them on their shoulders to the
of Ji&tte, They ore suffering from
an attack of the nightmare which visited
them while on the steamer.
8 p. m.?The Toath-pickians are at the
Theatre. Existo, who is in the gallery, ,
wants to know of those in the pit if they
have paid their toll. If fhe question is j
repeated a knock-down figlit is iuevita-1
ble. Expiro shows signs of indisposi-;
tion. Expecto is full of?of?wonder and i
amazement
8.30?Expiro has been conducted to a
couch. He is growing weaker, and fears
are felt that he is really unwell. Expecto J
has discovered a new bomb-proof con- [
taming shells of liquid fire which he fre- j
qnently visits.
10 p. m.?In a hall illumined with mil
<* A -1 fl ii.? I
lions ui uipciap iuiu iirucvjiuj^ aum us
walls costly decorations in unsurpassed1
magnificence,are assembled beautiful wo- j
men and brave men. The musicians rend 1
the air with their inspiring notes, and 1
the dancers twirl and ship with rapidity :
and grace. In the vast assemblage can j
be seen the gallant Expungo lost to ev- i
ery thing save the unbounded enjoyment
which encircles him.
10.39?Expiro sleeps. He dreamshe
starts!?he cries for a fuse!?another
fuse!?ho fall3 back?he sleeps again.
Expecto enters the sick chamber and
with a -pitying look commiserates the
helpless condition of Jiim who lies so uncomfortably
low.
10.45.?"To be or not to'be. Shall
i Expiro live to excite the admiration of
' multitudes with his eloquent disserta|
tions on the fuse, or must he then throw
I off this "mortal coil" and abandon
j green seal forever ? Expecto remains
: aear the bedside. Expiro opens languid!
It his eyes aad calls for beer. It is land
_ ^
ed him, and lie yields once more to somnific
rest.
11 p. m.?He sleeps well. Expecto
fears too well. Expecto has taken in
l>ia nntp linnlr nn<1 faithfnllv records
the different symptoms as they chase
each other in rapid succession. The
record is put down in Greek characters
as thut ancient style accords more fitly
with the deep solemnity of the occasion.
11.30.?Expiro still*'" breathes and his
face is flashed with fever heat
Midnight.?Expiro looks pale. Expecto,
his watchlul guardian, stands over
him with six lighled candles in each
hand, and occasionally smooths the furrowed
cheek of the poor Tooth-pickian
with globules of melted grease. The
minds of all are filled with painful suspense.
The kind Expecto now proceeds
to jerk a little Latin eulogy, of which the
following is a translation :
"0 angelic creature!
Why did yoo thus ue down?
Did your peepers deceive you when
You quaffed the beer,
Or did the beer deceive you when
You winked your peepers ?
You have been a gallus boy in times put.
And I w ill bee that all your money
And valuables are appropriated,
"After tne most approved manner." ? . ? ?
12.15. ?Expiro springs from the couch.
Astonishment siezes all. He grasps the
hand of Expecto, and with eyes flaming
with tears, exclaims, "Pile on your
Latin, but spare me my vuluables."
12 30.?All danger is past. Expiro is
rapidly recovering.
2 a. m.?The Tooth-piekians will all
be up to time before daylight.
4 a. m.?They have all left the Fort
-1 ? ? ? Ui 1 Una /I f1
unci lire un iuc iv xxutiux hvwu. v
Tanporcs ! 0 Mores !
?Iiev. Mr, Spurgeon is expected to
visit this country next May.
?Why should a convent be the most
holy place in the world ? Because it
contains novice, and they will have none
(nun)!
?What tonic beverage agrees best
with a young lady ? Kissing'er probably.
?The worst wheel of the cart makea
the most noise. ?
?The country has ill-fitting doors that
1 l!??i 4^ CUa /mi 4
rcqUUvB ilol/ IU ivrtp buv Uiwi, uui,
?The rebel Confederacy can never be
straightened up, but it will soon le .
straightened out.
?Mr. Thackeray's house, in London,
is to be sold. An advertisement in the
papers has caused many hundreds of __ .
; people to visit the house of the great
I humorist It is said that a sale will be
; held of fhe books, furniture and curiousi
itics, in the course of this month.
?If the color of Jeff. Davis's skin,
i says Prentice, were to strike in, his soul
would be white. If the color of his soul
; were to strike out, liis skin would be
! black.
?It is said that Aaron Burr died in
; the house of a person named Hamilton,
on Stat en Island. The house in which
i General Alexander Hamilton breathed
his last is still standing at the northwest
corner of Eighth Avenue aud Eighteenth,
street,
i