Exphess ?oe the Abmy.?An army correspondent
of the Boston Journal thus explains the reason
for th<3 failure of packages to reach the soldiers :
There 1ms been much complaint about the non.
receipt 01 goods scut here by express, and some of
those who have lost packages have protested in
the papers. In justice to the express companies,
1 ?* ? a ?ia1?a?a *h. >*? ffAm nil Klnmrv TV*/it* n
ICt LliC C UlUUi UVUA Oil Vi(MUV, XUV1 UIV uw
permitted to deliver packages at the tents of those
to whom they are directed, as they would leave
them at houses or stores in a city, but everything
for a division has to be turned over to the Provost
Marshal of that division, who here receipts for it,
and there the responsibility of the expressman
ends. They can do no more. The mistaken kindness
which led friends to send bottles of liquor,
makes it necessary to open each box, and it is useless
to deny that in this searching process, articles
are olten appropriated. Beside, there have been
some aggravated cases of wholesale plunder. Yet
the express companies are in no way responsible
for this. v
Smoking and Swearing.?Dr. Lawson's physician
had the dreadful kibit of profane swearing.
Lawson consulted him once about his health. The
physician, swearing, said.
Sir, you are the slave of a bad habit, and you
will not soon recover unless you give it up."
And what is the habit r" said Law son.
'Smoking," replied the other.
"Well, said Dawson, "1 can abandon the pipe;
but will you permit me to give you a hint, toe is
to a vile habit of your owni"
<5 What is that ?
"I refer to your habit of profane swearing," replied
the divine. "True," said the Doctor, "hut
that is not an expensive habit like yours.''
"Ah, sir," said Lawson, "you will discover it to
be a very expensive habit indeed when the account
is handed to you."?Life of Rev. Dr. Lav;son.
?On the recent visit of the U. S Steamer Va%.
d.rbilt to the port of Kingston, Jamaica, her.
officers were insulted by having secesh songs hauled
into their cars and were hooted at in the streets,
in one instance the insolence of these coutenipti'
ble secession sympathizers was properly punished.
On a Sunday evening, about 7 o'clock, a boat-load
of men and women, dressed ia their finest toggery,
pulled around the ship, singing Dixey at the top j
of their voices. Several of the officers were sitting '
in the starboard gangway and very naturally felt
insulted at this public show of bravadoand wi?h~t
for a way to stop it, when one ot them proposed
to put the hose on the steam pnmp and wet them
down. This proposition was at once adopted and
as the boat turned to pass the gangway again, a
full stream of cold water was throwi^on the serenades,
drenching them to the skin and filling their
boat half full. As they pulled toward the shore
they vented their anger in loud curses upon the
Y aukecs.
?The foreign papors have a touching incident
about Poland. A little boy was standing at the
door of hi# mother's house, when ho saw the Rus
sians fire a volley on thj insurgents. *? Mother,"
cried the boy, " the Holy Virgin protects our
friends, for 1 saw none of them fall.*' A Russian
officer rode up and said?? See ii' the Holy V irgin
-will protect you," at the same time blowing out
the buy's brains with a pistol.
Stamps ox X'otks.?The amendment to therev.
. enuo act r quires that promissory notes ovor $20,
sha.l carry a stamp of one cent per month for every |
two huudred dollars or f ractional part thereof exceeding
twenty dollars, it' the time stated in the
note is not more thau four months and grace,
five and six months, six cents. Any time over
?ix mouths and grace, ten ccDts for every two
hundred dollars or fractional part over twenty
dollars. Demand notes require one cent for every
two hundred dollars or tractions over twenty
dollars. ,
? A jewel of a damsel, residing at New Haven'
Ct., has furnished, under thesignutnrcof "Nona,''
a few slant is expressive of the out pushing desires
<4 her tlesaed little innocent heart. The tot lowing
is an example. Hear the darling :
With the blessings I haTe, my wants are but three.
Most simple ana definite?nothing that's wild ;
1 ijt for no more than is needful to me?
a husband to leva, a cottage, and child.''
(j KOQRAPiiicAx.?* Class in the middle of geography,
stand up. Of what it a pyramid composed
?"
' ? -r n..
' a jmw ui iu.cn in a vuuu?, unc uu ivp ui utc
other."
' Where's Egypt ? "
' Where it always m" .
" Where's Wales ? "
" All over tho sea."
'* Very well?stay there till I show you a fine
species of birch that grows all over the country."
?An Irishman, just from the sod was-eating
some old cheese, when he found, to liU dismay,
that it contained living inhabitants. "Be j-ibers,"
said h?> ''doe* your chare in this country have
rtijldren
?A New York jokeT asks, when is charity like j
a top ? and answers, generally when it begins ,o
hum.
?An oM toper tut West, says the two most!
precious things now included in hoops are girls !
and kegs of whiskey.
?" Toby, what aid the Israelites do when they I
crossed the Red Set?"
" I don't know, mamma, but I guess dried
themselves."
?" What rifle carries the maximum distance ?"
asked a lady of an officer. " lhe minuie, mum,"
was the reply.
?Those who thiak they could save the Union
by an immediate psace. could they have their way,
would find the couitrv not in veace. but in piece
?Every other day the telegraph announces that j
the rebellion is just on the point of " caving iu." |
Wouldn't it hasten matters a little just to stave j
it in? r ,
?A man out in Iidiana, got a divorce from, his
wife because she went skating against his wishes!
He concluded to let'her slide.
?The chivalry at Richmond robbed our prisoners
of the clothing and sanitary stores sent them
by government, and applied them to their own
uses.
?The ladies who have been making themselves j
at home with their husbands in the camps of the
Rappahannock have had notice to quit.
?It is thought four negro regiments will be
raised in Philadelphia. Two thousand men have
already enlisted, and the colored people of the city
have offered $GO,000 towards completing the organization.
?It is a remark, of Landor that " language is
| part of a man's character" Judging by their
j language the characters of those who rail against
| the government must be very bad indeed.
?'lhe English papers state that the royal plate
I on the l*rince of Wales' marriage breakfast table
i was of the value of lea millions of dollars!
| ?Mr.. Hittcll in his work on California sat s the
! total gold yield of that State has not been less
than seven hundred millions of dollars. There is
precious metal enough yet undeveloped, iu this
country, to pay the entire war debt.
? ?What's powder bringing ?'' asked a dealer
! der," replied the funny man, " is bringing the
rebels to their senses. '?" That will do," said the
dealer.
?Some of our brare soldiers send noble replies }
to their friends who send them discouraging letters.
How such self-sacrificing heroism, and faith
in the triumph of the good cause ought to shame
the doubters and grumblers at home. It is a duty
to write to the soldiers, but it is better not to write
at all, if you. cannot write in a cheerful and encouraging
tone.
?" What name, sir? *' asked the clerk of a
steamship company, as a cockney gentleman applied
for a passage to Europe. ? John Hogpen."
was the reply. The clerk commenced to spell it,
??John Hog??Tut, man,'* said the Englishman,
? do yon take me for a 'og 2 "?begin it with a
ho!M
?Alarming atoriesbare been told about people
being poisoned with t-ye coffee; but Mrs. Partington
Shillaber suggests that some of those w ho use
the extract ot old rye in other fluid forms may be
subject to quite as much damage as the rye coffee
drinkers.
?An imaginatire Irishman gives utterance to
this lamentation: ? I returned to the halls *?f my
fathers by night, and I found them in ruius! I!
cried aloud, 'My lathers, where are they ?' and an |
% - - ? A 1_ %f ./M..L
echo renponaea.' is mat you, raincK agviuic i
ery ? " <
?The women of Hartford hare formed a loyal
league, and laid down a platform in which they
i declare that they will " in all ways endeavor to
| create such a sentiment of devoted loyalty in the
j circles in which thay move, that no traitor to lib;
erty, or cowardly recreant, shall uttor his scuti:
raents in thairprcsence nnrebuked." The women
who have become members of this League, in token
or their loyalty, hava determined to wear
publicly a Union badge, " until the day of our national
triumph."
i
I ,
"De Boxe NiBJcn Fights !*'?Tim Knickerbocker
reports the following conversation between a hotel
guest and a'negro waiter:
Gnat?Well, Jim, why don't you join tho army,
and fight tho slare-hoidders ?
Jim ? Massa did vouebber see two dogs fightin'
over a bone ?
Guest?Tea, but what has that to do with it ?
Jim?Why, don't you see, Massa? De bone
nebber fightde bone takes no part in de coDfiic;
de Norf and Souf are de two dog* fightin' i we N igs
tee do Wo take no pe rt cwfic.
4
1
^ 1 ,ii
/
?She who can compose a cross baby is greater
than he who composes books.
?A country boy who bsd read of sailors heaving
up anchors, wanted to know if it was sea-sickness
that made them do it 1
?The flowers that breathe the sweetest perfume
into our hearts, bloom npon the rod with which
Providence chastises us.
4< Sir, I will make you feci the arrows of my resentment.''
' Ah, Miss, why should I fear your
arrows when you never bad a beau i "
?A writer on natural history gives the following
definition of a ram: " A ram is on animal .
whose butt is on the wrong end of him."
? An iitw?nnn'rv wlitnr navs his resnects' to
" ne vapaper borrowers?May theirs be a life of
siugle-blesscdncsa;. may their paths be carpeted
with cross-eyed snakes, and their nights be haunted
with knock-kneed tom-cats.'*
?Peace makes plenty, plenty makes pride, pride
breeds quarrel, and quarrel brings war; war brings
spoil, aud sj-oil poverty; poverty patience, aud
patience peace, bo peace brings war, and war
brings peace.
?" A rolling stone gathers no moss," is an old
saw, and has always been counted a true one. Hut
it seems to be otnerwise- as perl olio wing: " Married,
in , by Itev. , Mr. J. B. kollinstone
to Miss Abbie Moss."
?Noah is thought to have had (n board a supply
of the " Exterminator,' from the fact that lor
nearly six weeks he did not see " Aryrat."
?If a pair of ox?n lean up against each other
in walking, k is a sign they are not well-mated..
When lovers do so, it is a sign they want to be.
Gail Hamilton, in the Mlauti; Monthly for
April, suys: " 1 be mau who gave rubber boots to
women did more to elevate woman than all tlm
: 1 i..?K..mi ?
iliCUnicrS) Lliaic Ui iciuaic^ luak vi it vi v uwiu*>
?A lady asked a gentleman the other day why
so many tall gentlemen were bachclois. ibe reply
was, ?* that they a ere obliged to lie coroerwise
m bed to keep their feet in. and that a wile would
be in the way." y
?'lhey hare established a tick train on the
Washington and New York Railroad, departing
Irom New York, threo times a week lor tne accommodation
ot sick and wounded soldiers. One
in the usual maimer.
?Since provssions have grown so scarce at
Richmond, the jLuqnirer, of uiat city, argues that
eating three meals a day is very pernicious to U*? 1
liealtn, and says it is " as bad to grow lat as to get
rich on the Confederacy." Philosophical rascal*,
those rebels.
T?w. v?, an/<Sn?tinn r\f UanphotfM hit
sent a protest to Earl Russell against the fitting
out ot vessels for the r< bela in England. Earl
Kussell replied that evidence on oatli was required.
to enable proceedings to be taken.
Tebel Genekals Qiarelling.?The Jackson
Miuutippian, of the 12th inst, says : "It is said
that, in retaliation lor the order ot Gen. i'emberton
stopping supplies f rom being sent to Mobile by
railroad from th.a State. Lien, jbuckner baa iaaucil
a similar order in regard to supplies from bis department
coming in this direction, lienee wo
learn that Hour advanced in this city yesterday to$110
per baml."
aUiVEim^EMENTSr
rV'FKEKS CLOTHING AND FURNISHING
?:.l - 1 nl' U/.n>.
vy Ui'Uj;3( Willi 11 utr^i; mrui iuivui ui vvvw
feiioes, at j. C. JONES & CO.'S,
under the Post Othce.
Beglxak semi-.monthly freight line between
NEW YOKii AND POUT KUYAL, S. C.? The undersigned
have established a regular line ut packets between.
New x ork and Hilton Head, leaving each port twice a month.,
J. N. FAGAM k JOHN PITTS, Agents, Bay Point, 8. C.
B1XBY k CO., 56 Greenwich, and 371 Washington Streets.
New York. For freight or passage apply on board.
Metallic kuuial cases, for sai? by
English, Dennis &, Kicuabhsox,
Port Royal, S. 0.
.vw/w nm n- iTtt'ivni ! r-n ,|?(jn> to avail.
n | Uni.L UIAJi n. AAnvw, ? ? ?
Xi themselves of thin method, to inform their friend* ami
cue public at fort Koyai, that they are cow loading the
schooner Jettie A. H ocatwute is New York, with a large and
well-selected stock of Merchandize adapted to the wantsof
the Military, Naval, and civil population of this district,.
and as a large proportion of them nave keen purchased at.
Auction for caah, they respectfully invite attention to their
j stock.
I
TU8T RECEIVED at the store under the Post Office, a tosh
| J lot of tine letter and note papers, envelopes, pens, ink
and other stationary ; Military books. Novels in great variety,
knives, plpea, brushes, and a line lot of English and.
French Gloves and other furnishing Goods for the Army
and Navy,
The latest daily and pictorial Papers for sale on each arrival
tore the North. Also, Tu Nrw Sotrrsevery.Saturday
i miming.