. nwi.w wi r? I1UOI IV LNUUI Man, Who It May Be Presumed I / Had 8ome Experience, Writes T Bitterly About Them. i Now a good, long, heavy farm 1 der presents engineering problems no mean difficulty, writes Bug* Wood In Everybody's Magazine, presume more people have lost blessing trying to get a ladder throi a gate than In any other way t satan knows of. A ladder would m a preacher swear; It can act up There's such a radius to It when turn a corner; such a leverage w you try to stand It up and the hot! V 1 end slips. And It Is simply posses to flop when you are carrying It your shoulder. . . . I tell you: Never wear a derby noseglasses when you're doing b ness with a ladder, for nothing gl It more delight than to mash the hopelessly, and knock your glasses so you will step on them. I n scarcely buy that of the two lense HARITQ np A DIICTIO I /inni is the $1.50 one that breaks In prt ence to the 75-eent one. This phen onon Is due to the combined actloi the Law of Economic Determlr and the Uw of Cussedness of In mate ObJectB. Ladders and cherry trees are *' what you might call Blmpatica. 1 manner of speaking, the top end ladder should rest firmly on a 1 dash. But such Is the nature of ch trees that the top end of the la< rosts quite un-flrmly in the crotch rude capital Y. The finest chei grow at the extreme tip-end of most branches. Just as you are tiously bending the whip-like w towards you with its IubcIous fr the ladder cants, and you and cherry bucket hit the ground wltl most simultaneous thumps. The < ry bucket makes a little better because It has no pants to tear on way. The cherries in the bucket the breath in your body are bou out with equal suddenness. It is seldom, though, that both a total loss. One should always ren ber In falling out of a cherry tre keep the tongue well back In mouth. Otherwise \he teeth, b occluded violently, are apt to snl] the tongue tip, which Is that p&i the organ of speech that produce* sound of "d," as dn "Damn!" Wireless Muscat Performer. I am anxious to #et Into commur tlon with a musical wireless telegi operator who played "America" on key without an error from etan finish at ajout sundown Sunday. V * I was tinkering with my son's ? teur wireless outfit about that t listening to the dot and daih babb the Sound Bteamshlp operators, w without a warning, came the str of "My Country, 'Tls of Thee," ir feet similar to a violin and wltl: most the same continuation betv notes. It seemed as if the oper could manipulate his key so delict! that his song had no interruption dashes in the rendering. Whoever he in who sounded new not? In wireless telegraphy i not hide his light under a bushel v should come out in the open and a very Itinerant young world what miracles are knocking at the do< Louis W. Greetr.an. in New York When Newspaper Writer* Fal Newspaper English at its best the qualities that its enthusiastic mlrers claim for It?vigor, cone ness, directness and that demam the attentlon^which comes from i lng with the""livlng facts of a t contemporary world. Yet thl^ ii more than to say that a stirring sag? usually coiptoelB fit exprcs liut It would be lain to deny that newspapers are not always dellvc vital messages; that there are when the fatefof the world Is nc the balance;Jond yet the newsp v must proceed on the assumption every day Is Armageddon. Then gets newspaper English at its w Mei a uaiue db rougni in Mexico, the attention of a continent han upon the Issue, and the reporter rise to his opportunity. But whei battles are being fought, when crises are reaching their climax, y comes out of Mexico? Columns 1 columns of vague conjecture, If worse; of Irrelevant facts; of nn magnified and multiplied, and all ague matter diluted with repetl prolixity, tautology, pleonasm and the other Ills against which the i orlo textbooks warn ua.?Now 1 Evening Post. Fastest Travel on Record. The researches made by physlt of all centuries have psoved that hsrtslan waves move with the a speed as light, that la to aay, at 4 18 .000 miles a second. Three French scholars, Mr. A ham, professor at the Conserve! dee Arts et Metiers; Major FVrrle Mr. Dufour, have, under the aus[ VI UI1 uuiwu VI luii^iiuunv, j uri ternilned the speed of propagatlo the hertxlan waves between Paris Toulon. Part of Che result has 1 calculated, and the speed found 2*6,900 kilometers to the secqpd, a difference of less than onc^er < for each determination, In compar Yt to the average. They Intend to m^sure this s: between the Eiffel tower and the tlon of wireless telegraphy at W tngton, whileAhe longitude of capital of the Dntted States Is b determined. V Messrs. Abraham, Dufour and FN % propose to continue their expertan and to study the speed of the pi Cation of hertslan waves between CT points separated by the sea. a t ER JUST ONE WAY TO GET EVEf -las Accept "Call Down" for the Firs Mistake, but Resolvs That It Shall Not Happen Again, Boss called you down, eh? Gave It t< Qf you hard and heavy. Feel sore ant Bne vengeful. Want to get even with hlui j quit, perhaps? You'll show him what'i the what Well, now. Just calm yourself. Het Rate a moment. Cool off a bit. B? aj,e tween us two, Just you and me, dldn' gQ you deserve It? Had an excuse, eh you Con,e. y?a know -better than thai hen What's the use of trying to get ou torn of 11 tliat way. isod know, you and I, there's onl on one way of mkin : up for a mistak or for. falling down on the Job. IJs , or ten, lei me whisper It- Never let 1 U8j happen' again. See? Ives (Anyone, the boss included, makes hat r^stako once. Hut the second tiin ( off jv similar occasion urlses?then til leed real te8t ,8 Some high brow philosopher hs lfer, said that one of the characteristic om_ that distinguish the reasoning hi n man being from other animals Is thi |l8m he can profit by his mistakes, lani- Now, then, grit yo,-r teeth, clenc your fist. Now, Mr. Hose, see if yc not can catch me making a bull like tin In a again! If you do you* can bar a me the blue envelope, and I won j_em murmur. ? Hut, believe me, you shan't have tl erry opportunity. Not if 1 can help it, at ilder * can!?Maurice C. Ltipman, in CI a cago Record-Herald. ries l01" FELT HIMSELF A CHATTERBG cau ultjT ^ero ?' Story Morgan Used to Tc ' Would Have Been Good Compan, , Ion for Von Moltke. a al her ??.?? J- Pierpont Morgan was always Um? a t? ? j *?? oiirui mail, aim ue would Bomeiini ^ champion the silent with a story. . "Old John Bates, an upholsterer," need . ., j , I the story began, "was renowned f a I his silence. People who had been fc nem- I CU8tomer8 f?r a generation had, inai I of them, never heard a word from hi tjie: except 'Good morning. Five dollai ielnK I T^ank >ou- Oood day.' Old John. d off fact> cu,tlvated silence as a gen! rt cultivates his art. "A patron one day said to John: ** 'What's the best kind of mattresi " 'Hair,' was the reply. The patron, some twenty yea later, had occasion to buy another mi ilea*- tress, and again he asked: aph .. "What's the best kind, JohnP hls " 'Cotton.' t to "'Cotton?' the patron cried. 'Wl you told me twenty years ago that hi ima" was the best.' lme, "The old man gave a quaint sigh. iooi u -Talking has always been my rul h*?n' he said." alns ? i efi al- Real Comfort. feen She was the new charwoman, ar ator because of the fact that her new m itely tress was young and Inexperlenc* s or she was expatiating on her manlfc woes. this "Yes; an* would you believe nust mum. there's me 'usband done n~ wo . Ho for six years, an' 'ad an allmei.t I tell the last four? An' I've two childr new to pervlde for. 'Couse, one's sixte< jr.? though the other's only a lit Sun 'un." "But," interposed the young m I. tress timidly at last, "doesn't?lsi has the elder one a great help?" s ad- "You're right, mum," declared t reto- garrulous one, as she wiped fc J oh streaming eyes with the corner of li deal- apron. "She's a real comfort, s rltal, is. She often sits down an' cries wi s no me!" mes Not tho Ordinary Fare, srlng During a visit In his churchly < days Dacl,y through sduthern Marylai >t in Ordinal Gibbous was entertained aper the Drder of Jesuits at Leonardtov that That Part ?' i*16 Btate 1B famed for one diamond-backed terrapin, canvas-ba orHt duck, oysters, crabs and Ash, and with Bumptuous table was spread befc the cardinal. wljl During the repast the cardinal tui n no e(* to a priest near him and said, wl no a twinkle in his eye; "So this la the way the Jesu upon dine! not "No, your eminence," replied t nors Pr,e8t. "this is the way the cardli dines!"?Judge. tlon, , i all Qood Execution With One Shot, rhet- With one shot a man named Gosi fork 0f Tyalgum (N. 8. Wales), Austral killed three dingoes, the other di On investigating a disturbance amo his dairy cattle, the man noticed s< tb* eral dingoes attacking one of the hei It was bright moonlight, and Goes beat firing at the nearest dingb with a rlf was surprised to find later that he h bra- killed three with one ballet The b lolre let struck the ftfst dingo In the ne< and and passing through broke the s< dees ond's byck, and entered the third dl de- go between the ribs, breaking Its foi n of leg. The pack bad previously kill end i a valuable cattle doe. ' ' Mexican Diplomat Also Author. Benor Oamboa, Mexican minister :enL foreign affairs. Is not only a dlploin '^BOn but an author of distinction. He U novelist, publicist and writer of t P?0*! molrs. and one of his best kno works in bts extensive memoirs of I 'ash- diplomatic career, covering bis servl iam in thU oountry, Central America a Europe. He was born In 1864 a entered the diplomatic oervice In 18 arrle fen decoration* have been award lr "Well, I suppose that's so," 1 s swered the mother. "We'll call im Time passed on, and a fourth one came to claim a olcome. 11 father could hardly hide his when the doctor announced "II girl," but he tried to look please he stepped softly Into the dark room. As he pressed his wife's he asked, "And what will you r* this little?cirl?" "J think I'll oall her Gracla," the mother. "I always have liked name." "Well, for heaven's sake call Gracla!" he exploded, "and pei 1 r then we can have a boy." And Bhe did. And they did! ? , per's Magazine. n? Forcible Feeding. There are many earnest and c women In the ranks of the milit id, but they have been carried awa '8- the new feeling of sex cohesio ^d, class solidarity and by their unre >ld ing "loyalty" to the imperious 1 of Pankhurst, asserts a writer ii It, Forum. A very dangerous and rc ?rk able mob spirit threatens to s for them into excesses which will on even greater odium upon the tltl< *n. fragette than the word already tie notes. The real suffragists are | quietly and effectively about Is- work, with the approval and su n't of most reasonable men; but con view without regret the anti b? the excitement-maddened women ier are trying to associate the caui ier sex equality with vulgarity, hyi bo and the most pitiful lack of re ith |ng power. They cannot even sei they have not the honesty to ack edge?that forcible feeding is i real issue at all in the campi it is merely taken up as a conve ^(1 hysteria-provoking weapon. The . ' ual question is not whether wi who have been sent to prison some criminal offense (with pol cjl motives) should be permitted to mit suicide; but whether they si ir? ke sent to I,r'sou at a'l- " for them to go, it Is nttcessary rn. fbey should be taken care of, hov ltk much he may regret that their deliberately adopted self-torti Its """-""us iimy iiihkh hoiiih lorm c ercion Inevitable. he lal Absinthe. Ihiring the Algerian war of 18 the French soldiers were induct inlx absinthe with their wine febrifuge. On their return 1 p brought with them the habit of d *' ing, which is now so widely die inated in French society. The s ng torn* in the case of absinthe pier commence in the muscular ' erlngs and decrease of strength; hair begins to fall out; the face sumes a dejected look, and the j tim becomes emaciated, wrinkled J " sallow, lesion of the brain fol horrible dreams and delusions 1: the tippler, an< i colony at Hartford, Conn., ws "Her '?f fame, I)r. Joseph H. Twlc luted to tell an amusing incident friendship of Harriet Beechi %r>. and Mark Twain. ber The Stowe and the Cleme IseB were separated only by little ?'09f' to which, directly in th The the Stowes' house, was Mark grief 'arK? conservatory, t's a Mrs. Stowe, ever a passion *d as ?f flowers, availed herself t ened an<* liberally of his invltattor hand frep with its contents, much 1 call noyance of the gardener, for i , careless way of breaking ol said from the sta'k that vexed hii that When he made complain ! habit Mr. Clemens had nu ljer pairs of srisso-s put at inter haps ano\\ els By this i> u ' meant ' ?r they n physic or purgative, fo rthese lmonlsh- these should never to given to children, nor anything like salts, pills, ' flaunts etc. What the child require Is 1 of those simply a small does of the gentlest , . duty to of medicines, such as Br. Caldwell's runs a Syrup Pepsin, which, in the opinion who wa , f 'of thousands of watchful mothers. Is now Td ' the ideal remedy for any child cnthusk nd wide, showing a tendency to constipation, mothers it papers gG many things can happen to a con Syru; I e day of stipated child that care is ueces- fifty cer illy over. sary. Colds, piles, headache, sleep- the size le of our lessness, and many other annoyances know it usly and that children should not have can us- proportl heir pre- ually be traced to constipation. Kverj terlug to Many of American's foremost fam- Is tvery evoked i"0** art; nevt?r without Syrup Pepsin, also ml hecjlliso olio l"?n T> nnuar ?..!! ' v..v v??.. irn ? ll' ll MIIU?; IftUIIl HI u mrmbir of the family may need it. Fauii ?f notice. ajj C;U1 uso Thousands on- pie hot! dorse it, among them Mrs. M. H. address ^ w.qu Patten, Valley Junction, Iowa, who ington ^ VVIon js llpver without it in 11?house card wl Mrs. Patten says that Syrup Pepsin it will i! Elevation . an De- j 8. j The Man in the White House. 1 i New York Sun. .With si e literary i Wo are mistaken if Mr. Wilson's is acqulr- unprepared little speech about him- Of m hull ii8(i(i self as an ordinary human being tem Now \v< . . porarily president of the United As tl " States dose not win for him new A smile or Stowe friendship in a great many quarters. | The i ( The speech waa harming in its spon- Full of ns prem- taneous frankness, modesty and man The i a fence, liness. i * e rear of I Tho personal respect and confl- Yet Api i Twain's dence of the people are perhaps quite | Some ! as desirable sometimes as mere poll- Betweei ate lover approval. In his occasional de- I And a ufdiv P-arture from conventional utterance Which an {'resident Wilson reveals a very at- j In th i to make ^rac^|vu s|,ie Df a remarkable person- For ah to the an- auty. she had a j Wo beg leave to remark that In roe , And T flowers ognition of this attitude of coufl- I s soul. I donee and trust the newspaper poo- Still, A t of this pie of the country inigr . add greatly I For mbers of !to fhe happiness of the President's The ea vals here ! in whlto house by refraining helves ' 'rom sur'1 unwarranted speculations To b \ 8 ' about his family affairs and mlsrep- Of plar .Tould Hee resentations of the same as have re-1 So n ) It. But ppntly oeeured, undo btedly to his To shoi jtice, and discomfort. I And efore. till gardener APRIL. I. the door Fashioned of tearfulness, tenderness, TTTTR rheerfulness; | sllow that Changeable, shy. as tho war of a must al- c , # # , , , , I or Pi er liberty R"rl"K "?n"dW^tc"l. ' 7 1 he much- showers and flowers, and sun- ^<)ini mod: "1 | shine, and shade, Must ven!" ; Making tho merry land fragrant ss Vr? the fairyland, .. I Thrilling the heart with a wonder- ls . r*- I ment new, KT But a cross a , BaUghter and serious, moonlit, mys- '. ?,NV sl llMlo Mrt I . ' 3 K 1 ??v | terious. ?'""I" nan came | April's a month that was molded for J;OU(1 re got to you! 1 w )asB this ?Marton Riley, in Ainslee's. |CU!!?S\ I End< ? away f i It's 'OB8 thla in wtire ?? Cold in One Day comes i,A\AT"'i; :?k mo Quinine. Intops the Easy Dutchman <* wotks off the Cold. Read t it on In v i o :s to cur,. K \ ii l bo*. 2V- qj. , ck again, ,oi.. L.a at sitting ?? back eclnir the throug Notice of Discharge. I used Notice Is hereby given that the got at nd said: undersigned will, as guardian of They ii >t to pay Manly Gregory and Alta Hinson, op I cai the 20th day of April, 1914, make just as head, and her final return as such guardian and For apply to the probate court of Lancas- cents, i driver" tftr county for letters dismlssory. New Y SUBRINA J. GREGORY. States. Guardian. | Rem icord. March 20th, 1914. and tal Scots was statutes. te olden i to believed >f IcglHla- ry f | /Hi | -F belling Goods inv place andle unh is prob- When you ^ell the kind that pie* nftggftd, mmmmm -w ?- 1 a enough causes them wt come back and call of Scotch That is the kii\l of customers thai ^roffarnr Roods to sell. When we once get Tip-Top or Melrose Flour, we know another sack and |hat is why we thing good. \ b? bought "Bread is the staffiof life"?if i ? maudlin have this week made\rrangement u-rttaa c. Bakery's new plant to furnish us G< la nnl (ha . -T-- 1 - -? ? ?- uiouc UUIII an i-iiuifij new prut i?r a part bread is never touched \y the hai ii? output Hour goes into this bakeYy till it c ?. ??tPut have a fresh shipment novit in stocl * ltTguiJ- an^ ^ you no* Pr(>nounce ^ thi it* value. have ever eaten, there is somethi r, the one taster. SPECIAL FOR A hands, he reaches a We are selling 3 pound cans Kinj veil tralna creator 10c a can for this month, direct, he F w SIS1 inlty. and Oik-/ 1 i pace. "GOOD THINGS T f 7 Child's Diet ? m J ItAIJ'il M. FATTEN'. e wonders for her hoy Ilalph s constipated from birth but doing line. Naturally she Is istlc about it and wants other to use it. Dr. Caldwell's opsin is sold by druggists at its and one dollar a bottle, being bought by those who s value, and it contains louately more. rone likes Syrup Pepsin as it pleasant to the taste. It is Id and non-griping and free jurious ingredients. In s wishing to try a free sam tie can obtain it postpaid ly ing Dr. Caldwell, 419 WastiSt., Montlcello, 111. A postal tli your name and address on lo. APRIL. treaming eyes she came thl? way, onthR. the flok' maid; ?eping with a s :dden gush, tiough of life afraid. ! as sudden breaking through tightness of her grief, bright sunshine, but, aIm, smiling is too brief. j rll Is a compromise dimes, in welcome way, n the storms of ugly March, blan.s of gentle May, will she give us of the mo?t, lis short reign of hers? , they world's so scant of smiles so full of tears. pril holds a lesson good, as its rains fall down, rth its welcome moisture drinks loom forth In its crown it and tree and flower fresh; light we do the while, d our tears on barren hearta. turn them to a smile. ?Haltlmore American. GrE FOR YOURSELF. is Hotter?Try an Fvperiment ofit by a Lancaster Citizen's Kxpiieincnt. athing new is an experiment >e proved to be as represeutstatement of a manufacturer convincing proof of merit the endorsement of friends la. apposing you nad a bad back \ weak, or aching one, you experiment on it? ill read ol many so-called ->rsp