The gamecock. (Columbia, S.C.) 1908-2006, August 13, 2004, Page A8, Image 8
Stagg
CONTINUED FROM PAGE A7
When does tailgating begin then? The night before. I’m not kidding.
—Don’t ever wear orange to the game. In fact, just don’t wear it at all. If
you just asked yourself why, it’s because Carolina’s archrivals for over a
hundred years, the Clemson Tigers, have school colors of orange and purplt
Stop laughing, I’m serious. Even mothers don’t dress their babies in
such contrasting colors. It’s the ugly kind of orange, too, like you are a
roadside worker and need to be seen at night. I’m not from South
Carolina, but I swear I’ve seen vomit that looks better than the Clemson
orange and purple combination.
—Did you see that crack I just took at Clemson? You need to make up
some of these and say them randomly. “Clemson sucks” is common but
always a good one. (You could also put something relating to Clemson in
place of the word “Clemson,” like Death Valley [and if you really don’t
know, that’s where the Tigers play their games]). You could also yell,
“Going to Clemson is like being bit by a dog in your crotch while
standing on a nail that's going through the biggest nerve in your leg aftei
having severed your jugular jumping rope by snaring the rope around
your neck and accidentally stepping on it so it violently sliced through
your skin. ” But don’t take that one, that’s mine.
—At the game, there are certain things you have to do to not look out
of place. Anytime that ridiculously annoying, screeching Gamecock
crow is played over the loudspeaker, you yell. When the kickoff is about
to happen, you throw one hand in the air, swing it around (like you just
don’t care), pinky and thumb extended, and yell, “Goooooo” until the
moment the kicker’s foot hits the ball, at which point you yell, “Cocks!”
and immediately after, in succession, “Fight! Win! Kick ass!” Then, you
immediately begin to be annoyed by the mic guy.
—Also at the game, before it starts, you must know the student section
is down by the end zone under the scoreboard and kind of curves around
for a section or two to the left of the band (where they are nicely nestled
in the very comer of the stadium). Don’t sit where the band will. If you
come to the game on time, you are late and you will be standing
somewhere wishing you had come 30 minutes sooner and had a seat. All
of the student section will be full, and everyone will be standing on their
seats. And please, stand where you would sit, not on the row in front of
you. This gets really annoying at half time when the people in the front
row realize they don’t have a seat anymore after everyone sits down.
Then a domino reaction occurs and inevitably it’s me who’s giving up his
seat to some beautiful girl I probably have no chance with.
— “2001,” the theme from the movie, is our “song,” similar to how a
boyfriend and girlfriend had a “song” growing up, like “Secret Garden”
because the two of you watched Jerry Maguire on your first date. Our
relationship with the football team is similar. You fall in love in the first
game, what with the whirlwind of energy that surrounds the stadium,
and after “2001” is played, you knew you were meant to be. Then, for
every time you hear it while the relationship is going well, you get all
schmoopy. Then the football team does something wrong, you two get in
a fight, and next thing you know, it’s a horrible break-up, people are
talking behind people’s backs, blame is being shifted, and then every
time you hear that stupid song it reminds you of what you two used to be
and get depressed. Sooner or later, you both come around, realize you’re
meant for each other and “2001” is played at your wedding.
To conclude, it’s best if you go to games. It’s not just all fraternities
and sororities or SportsCenter freaks or has-beens reliving their youth.
It’s a good time and a good way to get involved in what’s going on at the
school. But if you choose not to go, good luck getting out of the city. You ■*
can’t even go north on Assembly Street. All roads point to Williams-Brice
Stagg is a fourth-year media arts student.
I’ll always come home to Cola
ALLYSON BIRD
GAMECOCKOPINIONS@GWM.SC.EDU
North & South are
vastly different places
I was in Boston a few weeks
ago and noticed something: A
lot of people were wearing
sandals, none of the sandals I
saw had the cloth bands with
little palmettos stitched on
them. I wasn’t in Carolina
anymore, and I was reminded
of that every time an order of
sweet tea yielded bitter brown
liquid and packets of Sweet &
Low, and every time someone
squinted at me when I said
“y’all. ” It was a relief to get out
of that Yankee haze and back
to the scorching Southern sun,
but in a few weeks I’ll head
back up north.
I’m not coming back to USC
this fall. I’ll be in Washington,
D.C., for the semester, working
at a news service three blocks
from the White House,
working the internship I’ve
wanted since I began school
here.
But it’s already weird not
being here now and planning
to visit my roommates next
week as a guest in their new
apartment. I’ll still be hanging
on to summer while everyone
else is starting school. And I
already know how it’s going to
feel when I move up to D.C. in
September, driving over the
Charleston connector and out
of town, past Columbia and the
campus on Interstate 26 and
then right over the unmarked
line above North Carolina that
separates the South from
everywhere else.
There I’ll ride to work on a
subway filled with people, but
the ride will be silent as if the
train were empty. Fall will feel
like winter, and winter will
feel like Iceland.
The terror alert in
Washington will fluctuate, and
my parents will worry.
I’ll read Away messages
from Carolina about the
parties I’m missing and the
mornings after the parties I’ve
missed. But this semester will
likely be my most formative
college experience.
And I know how it’s going to
feel moving back to South
Carolina on Christmas Eve. I
won’t see any snow, and I
might not even see my breath
outside, but it’ll be Christmas
nonetheless.
Because I do know that once
I cross the state line, on some
radio station Hootie and the
Blowfish will still be playing.
Clothing and cars will be
decorated with palmettos and
crescent moons, and people
will understand there is
nothing crude about the word
“Cocks.”
Barbecue will be shredded
pork, and not simply anything
grilled. Grits will be an
interchangeably singular or
plural word, depending on
personal preference, and a
beloved staple regardless. A
store affectionately
dubbed“The Pig” will be the
preferred grocer.
Strangers will talk to one
another, and it won’t be
awkward. And they will talk
about one another in the vilest
manner, but they’ll follow it up
with a “Bless his heart” that
will make it all OK.
This is Carolina.
Think of the place where
you first fell in and out of love;
where you survived coming-of
age trials that shed old skins to
uncover who you’ve become;
where you’ll always have
small bundles of conflicting
emotions enveloped by a sense
of peace. Carolina is that place
for me, that place I can
affectionately embrace with a
four-letter word I call home.
Bird is a third-year journalism
student.
Pythagoras may have had a theorem,
but you can have smart style. Bold
geometries in sterling silver really make the
grade! Bracelets, earrings, necklaces and pendants
in a variety of curves and angles starting at a very
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*
STERLING, STONES
AND SURPRISES
t_
Free speech isn’t un-American
STAGY GREGG
GAMECOCKOPINIONS@GWM.SC.EDU
Freedom of speech
means all speech
I know that it is old news, but I
am still a little sore about Slim
Fast’s dropping spokesperson
Whoopi Goldberg because of some
“explicit” jokes she made at
President George W. Bush’s
expense at a recent Kerry fund
raiser. To be honest, I have never
been a fan of Goldberg, especially
after the Great Ted Danson
Debacle of’93, but this incident
touches a nerve with me.
In her own defense, Goldberg
maintains she has poked fun at
every U.S. president seated in the
past 20 years. I commend
conservatives for taking a stand
and forcing Slim-Fast’s hand on
this issue, but Slim-Fast shouldn’t
have caved in to the pressure of a
small group of people.
Furthermore, why did no one else
come to Goldberg’s defense? Since
when is the president not an
acceptable target for comedians?
Certainly, Bill Clinton was a
target of much publicized humor
and unrelenting criticism, but it
seems that the rules have been
changed since his administration,
though an entire sector of people
did not receive the memorandum.
Unfortunately, Whoopi
Goldberg hasn’t been the only
casualty. The Dixie Chicks were
among the first to be ostracized
because of commentary made by
group member Natalie Maines.
A few weeks ago, Linda *
Ronstadt appeared in concert at
the Aladdin Theatre for the
Performing Arts in Las Vegas.
Near the finale, she made the
mistake of dedicating the Eagles
classic “Desperado" to Michael
Moore because of the production
he did in the movie “Fahrenheit
9/11.” Although it had become a
routine part of her show, this time,
her commentary was met with
both cheering and booing; discord
eventually took over. Ronstadt
was eventually escorted from the
building and was officially
uninvited for future
performances.
Aladdin President Bill
Timmins told Las Vegas Sun
gossip columnist Timothy
McDarrah, “If she wants to talk
about her views to a newspaper or
in a magazine article, she is free to
do so. But in a stage in front of foui
and a half thousand people is not
the place for it.”
I am perplexed. If Mr. Timmins
had stated simply, “We paid to
hear her sing and not to talk,” ther
I would completely understand.
But since when should our
viewpoints be limited to
newspapers and magazines?
As I was researching this topic,
I found that the aforementioned
ladies have repeatedly been
accused of being “un-American”
and “unpatriotic." I am having a
hard time understanding this
sentiment. The very foundation of
this country hinges on freedom.
We are in the middle of a war
fighting for people who suffered
misery, torture and death because
they lacked these very same
freedoms under the Hussein
dictatorship. The founding fathers
of this magnificent country so
believed in the freedom of speech
that they addressed it in the U.S.
Constitution. With that said, I ask
you to ponder: Are statements
against our government really un
American, or is it the suppression
of these statements that is un
American?
Gregg is a third-year
interdisciplinary studies student.
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