The gamecock. (Columbia, S.C.) 1908-2006, January 26, 2004, Page 6, Image 6
0 THE GAMECOCK ♦ Monday, January 26, 2004
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In.our.opinson
Values push
a poor policy
Recent statements from the White House and from
President Bush in the State of the Union address last
week indicate that he favors a $1.5 billion initiative
in support of marriage among low-income couples
and welfare recipients.
President Bush campaigned in 2000 under the
banner of “compassionate conservatism,” signaling
the beginning of an administration in which the
traditional values of his voter base would be
continually reinforced by public policy.
Marriage in America is a troubled institution.
Statistics show that nearly halt
of all such unions fail. Yet they
are nonetheless integral to the
fabric of our society.
But federal finding of a
marriage initiative will
unintentionally cheapen
wedded unions by reducing
them to another government program.
It is the hope of Bush administration officials (and
no doubt conservative think tanks) that giving
unmarried couples with children a financial
incentive and faith-based counseling will promote
marriage and thus undermine the root of other social
ills linked to broken homes.
The Bush proposal is strangely un-Republican; it’s
an example of vast government intrusion into the
living rooms of America’s working poor who might
be coerced into an institution for all the wrong
reasons.
The plan confuses the religious and social roles of
marriage and ignores changes the American family
unit has undergone since the 1950s. Government’s
involvement in marriage could actually undermine
the institution by making it little more than another
federal program like welfare for those enrolled in
marriage counseling.
Throwing more money at a problem rarely
addresses the underlying issues. If President Bush
wants to save marriage in America, his best course
of action would be to target existing unions instead
of creating new ones with tax revenue.
Government’s
involvement in
marriage will
unintentionally
rob the institution
of its sanctity by
introducing
money to the mix
SOUND OFF
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CARTOON BY MARY PINCKNEY WATERS/THE GAMECOCK
What would Jesus name it?
4
Greetings fellow Gamecocks!
Or, to more accurately assess our
readership, greetings homeless
people of Columbia who have
tired of sleeping on those nasty
yellow
Zipsheets and
have decided
to switch to
our very own
newspaper.
You won’t re
gret it.
Ha ha, only
kidding. No GRAHAM
self-respecting CULBERTSON
homeless per- Third-year
son would
even read The
Gamecock, let
alone sleep on it.
They have too many fat, com
fy engineering textbooks given
to them by students who can’t
sell edition 1.1.a back to the
bookstores because the new edi
tion l.l.b just came out.
Today is, after all, Monday,
and that means yesterday was
Sunday. Sunday, as you might
know, is traditionally the day
when all good Southerners put
on their nicest clothes, get in
their $60,000 cars, sleep through a
sermon and eat a huge lunch,
which they insist on calling, for
tax reasons, “dinner.”
Here at USC (motto: We’ll
Happily Rename Anything on
Campus for the Right Price!), we
know that God doesn’t just have
to be celebrated on Sunday (this
wouid mess up our weekend). So
we have a variety of different
ways, times, and places to do
whatever it is people do at
church.
The most exciting of these, by
virtue of its name, is The Shack. I
know it sounds like a place
where people will be sleeping on
old copies of Garnet and Black,
but it is in fact a vibrant and ex
citing campus ministry!
Probably!
I’ve never actually been there,
and I don’t know when they
meet, but I’m sure it’s great!
(Note: If you are, instead, looking
for the “Love Shack,” it’s in
Athens, GA. Sorry.)
Not far from The Shack, is an
even more exciting campus
group, PALM (Partnership
Among Lutherans and
Methodists). I’ve never actually
been there, although I have
walked past the building several
times.
Although no one knows exact
ly why the Lutherans (a modern
day cult awaiting the return of
archvillain Lex Luthor) and the
Methodists (a group which wor
ships Robert De Niro and other
Method Actors) have a partner
ship, but I’m sure it’s working
out great for them.
Let’s not forget about
Thursday night, the night of both
FCA and CRU. FCA, which
stands for Fellowship of
Christian Athletes, offers fun
skits, exciting speakers like our
very own Andrew Sorensen, and
lots of really trendy people who
offer tons of chances for quick,
completely Christian dating
hookups.
They meet at the Blatt PE cen
ter, but the one time I tried to at
tend, their bouncer decided that
my American Eagle outfit was a
season out of style, and I was not
admitted.
But let s not forget about CRU!
CRU, or Campus CRUsade for
Christ, makes up for their lack of
a good acronym by meeting in
Currell College, home of the
Criminal Justice Department, or
CRJU.
Although “CRJU” doesn’t roll
off the tongue as easily as “CRU”
(pronounced like “Crew,” but not
to be confused with those people
who row), it is also a valuable
part of USC.
In.your.opinion
Attendance policy
is anti-education
More now than ever, atten
dance has become a prerequi
site for a passing grade, while
knowledge and dominance over
material specific to that class
has taken secondary impor
tance. How has it come to be
that such a vital importance has
been placed on attendance at a
state university?
In the past, the first day of
class, better known to the stu
dents as “syllabus day,” was a
time for each professor to out
line the material to be studied
over the next four months and
state the attendance policy.
Besides the fact that an at
tendance policy seems silly at a
school where you pay to attend,
little further attention was paid
to it, for by the end of the
semester, students skipping
classes will have already .weed
ed themselves out.
. This year, however, special
importance has been placed on
the attendance policy. I remem
ber hearing the words “legal ne
cessity” when it came to ver
bally going over attendance.
Too many absences will di
rectly lower your grade, and one
professor even explained in
class that he took absences as a
personal insult, although I high
ly doubt that his personal hap
piness depends on my presence.
Another professor of mine has
purposefully designated in-class
assignments and lowered the
percentage on tests and papers
to benefit the avid class-goer and
punish the students that are
able to gain just as much knowl
edge in half the time.
Now the challenge is placed
on getting to class on time in
stead of intellectual pursuit.
This particular professor even
encouraged those special stu
dents with unique abilities to
drop his course or be frustrated
in failure.
Why are our professors push
ing the intellectually advanced
students out of their door?
Instead of putting all their ef
forts into failing the class-cut
ter, why don’t they spend that
same effort in offering different
ways of learning the material?
Of my years at USC, only
three of my professors have ac
tively taken advantage of
Blackboard, posting notes, as
signments and extra-curricular
activities to compliment and
further the understanding of the
curriculum.
One professor even had
quizzes posted on Blackboard so
as not to take up lecture time.
Sure, attendance was taken, but
little importance was placed on
it, because by the end of the
semester you either knew the
material or you didn’t.
I have asked several ques
tions in this article, the answers
of which I could only speculate
on. Yet if this trend continues,
USC stands to suffer in its de
velopment as a school of higher
learning, for any mindless mon
keys can come to class and slap
their name on an attendance
sheet.
It is a pursuit of intellectual ex
cellence and a commitment to
challenge even its most advanced
students that I would like to see
the university undertake, instead
of pursuing the strict attendance
policies with the likes of Midlands
Tech.
JONATHAN BUERKERT
THIRD-YEAR ENGLISH STUDENT.
GOT
SOMETHING TO
SAY?
WE WANT
TO HEAR IT.
M&QL
GAMECOCKOPINIONS
@GWM.SC.EDU
M® W TOQM
W@D@I Hi Ml&im
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College.Quote.Board
THE COLLEGIATE TIMES
VimjJKWpLYtSCHNIC INSTITUTE AND STATE UNIVERSITY
“(Saddam) Hussein is a prisoner of war, and in the custody of the
^ United States. He, like other suspected criminals, deserves the ba
tle right to a fair trial. Because of the range and degree of (his)
crimes, Hussein should be subjected to an international court. If he
were returned to Iraq, there is little chance he could receive any
thing resembling a fair trial and would likely be killed before a
trial ever began.” j»
OKLAHOMA DAILY
UNIVERSITY OF OKLAHOMA
“It’s become an adage: College students don’t vote. Politicians
tend to write us off. We have to show them we care. We have to
show them they can’t ignore us. And we can show them by doing
what they least expect us to do: voting. Vote. Vote in the primary.
Vote in the general election. Vote Republican. Vote Democrat. Vote
third-party.”
" .f . t '
COURTESY OF U-WIRE
Making
teachers
love you
is simple
Have you ever noticed the fact
that Johnny Suck-up gets to sit
anywhere he wants while you’re
in the nosebleeds sitting next to
some guy with B.O. the likes of
which you’ve never experienced?
Have you
□ever found
yourself sitting
in class won
dering why
Suzie
McBrownoser
is making all
the check plus
__ es while you
ADAMS* get stuck with
Third-year the impersonal
anthropology an(t emotional
student ly unsatisfying
check?
If you’ve tried and failed to get
professors to love you in the
past, then this is the article for
you, my friends.
In a few quick and easy steps,
I will have professors begging
you to skip class and turn in as
signments late or never.
♦Bribery. If I’m going to give a
professor an apple, I’m not going
halfway. I’m hollowing that baby
out and stuffing it with money.
Not just a little money—I’m talk
ing pimp wad. If you’re going to
do your homework, why not do
it on a five-dollar bill? See what
Abraham Lincoln has to say
about it.
Everything is a letter grade
better if there’s money involved,
people. Drop a couple of quarters
in their coffee. Why not staple
some money to a picture of your
self and slide it under their
doors?
When those professors see you
giving the thumbs-up beneath a
one-dollar bill, they will be put
ty, people. Putty.
♦Flattery. If ever in the course
of your studies you find yourself
addressing a professor, you
should try to end all questions
and statements with “I love your
class.” With a little practice, it
could sound like you mean it.
Here, try a little role-playing:
You: I had a question about
Thursday’s lecture—I love your
class—that concerned the issue of
me loving your class.
Professor: I love you.
Don’t worry about your in
tegrity guys, you’ll be so far up
your professor’s butt you won’t
even notice.
♦Sex appeal. I can’t stress this
enough. Innuendo, innuendo, in
nuendo. This is a kind of intimi
dation tactic. Professors are so
scared of pulling a Mary K.
Laterno that they’ll forget all
about grading your work and fo
cus instead on keeping you out
of tViair nantQ
Ask them if they’d like you to
put your assignment in their box
es. Talk about them getting to
know the student body. Say pe
nis. Then all you have to do is sit
back and watch the A’s and law
suits roll in.
♦Work hard in the course.
This is my least favorite catego
ry, but I’m told it is just as effec
tive as the other categories.
Apparently, if you do the assign
ments and pay attention in class
the professors will not only re
spect you, they might even grow
to love you.
I’ve never tried it myself, but
I’m sure it’s right for somebody.
This category involves the class
syllabus so make sure you hang
on to that.
Your professors will be nam
ing their kids after you and rid
ing those adorable two-seater bi
cycles with you in no time.
So put your brains away, kids.
You won’t be needing those any
more (unless you plan to work
hard in the course).