The gamecock. (Columbia, S.C.) 1908-2006, October 15, 2003, Page 8, Image 8
g THE GAMECOCK ♦ Wednesday, October 15, 2003
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IN OUR OPINION
Students
deserve grills
To grill or not to grill? On USC’s campus, this
should not be such.a complicated question. Grilling
out in the South is little short of a birthright.
The Residence Hall Association has passed a
resolution to change a Housing policy to allow
students to keep and use small outdoor grills.
Because of recent fires, it is understandable for
Housing to take a “better safe than sorry” attitude
and continue a ban on cooking with grills, such as
George Foremans, inside residence halls. Indoors,
they are fire hazards, liabilities and — with
expensive and unnecessary visits from the fire
department — a financial
Housing should burden.
trust students, Outdoor grills are not a
if only to the tbreat when used on concrete,
degree that they HousingshouMtrust
do not need
supervision when students',fonly t0 the degree
cooking outdoors ,hat they d0 not need
on concrete, supervision when cooking
outdoors on concrete.
Large, permanent grills, such as those outside the
Towers and 820 Henderson St., should be placed
around campus for students to use if the policy isn’t
changed.
Housing has been working hard to make residence
• halls more aesthetically pleasing and safer. But they
should also make efforts to build and foster a sense of
community in residence halls, and letting students
grill and hold cookouts would be a way to do that.
Winners and Sinners
s
B EGYPTIAN TWINS After grueling 34-hour
surgery, the boys are now their own persons.
MOORE SCHOOL OF BUSINESS Ranked in top
50 of Forbes best-buy colleges.
ROBOT MONKEY Duke University researchers
train monkey to move a robot arm with its
thoughts, giving hope to the disabled.
PARKING SERVICES Cripples what little
parking we had left by giving tickets from 6 a.m.
to 11 p.m. Surely the GPS system will save us.
RODNEY KING Arrested for punching his
girlfriend. Irony abounds.
OBESITY Government predicts 40 percent of
Americans will be obese by 2010.
GAMECOCK CORRECTIONS
A brief in Wednesday’s paper should have said one USC
student, not three, is part of the National Science Foundation
funded undergraduate chemical-engineering research program
in Japan.
A front-page photo of the USC-Kentucky football game in
Friday’s paper should have been credited to Johnny Haynes.
The Gamecock regrets the errors.
If you see an error in today’s paper, we want to know. E-mail us
at gamecockopinions@hotmail.com.
ABOUT THE GAMECOCK
Editor in Chief
Charles Tomlinson
Managing Editor
Adam Beam
News Editor
Michael LaForgia
Asst. News Editor
Alexis Stratton
Viewpoints Editor
Gabrielle Sinclair
The Mix Editor
Meg Moore
Sports Editor
Brad Senkiw
Asst. Sports Editor
Wes Wolfe
Photo Editor
Morgan Ford
Head Page Designer
David Stagg
Page Designers
Justin Bajan, Samantha
Hall, Staci Jordan, Philip
Whitehead
Slot Copy Editors
Amy Genoble, Alyson
Goff, Tricia Ridgway
Copy Editors
Mary Waters, Steven Var
Haren, Jessica Foster,
Alicia Osborne
Online Editor
James Tolbert
Public Affairs
Kimberly Dressier
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Gamecock are those of
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I'M
ON
^ IT/
CARTOON COURTESY OF KRT CAMPUS
Get to know the 3rd parties
WES WOLFE
G£ MECOCKOPINIONS@HOTMAIL.COM
Candidates make up a
true buffet of lunatics.
So you thought there were
only nine Democrats running for
president and that ol’ George W.
was the only Republican running.
Well, you’re wrong. According to
Project Vote Smart, there are 58
Democrats and 17 Republicans,
along with five trying for the
Green Party nod, five running for
the Libertarian nomination and
39 independents. And that doesn’t
count all of the third parties that
already have nominees.
Have you heard of the
Christian Falangist Party? Well,
they’re here and they have a pres
idential candidate. Party founder
and nominee Kurt Weber-Heller
is running to “defend Western
Christian Civilization and de
stroy the ‘Forces of Darkness.’”
They say the “Forces of
Darkness” are radical Islam, com
munism, the “New World Order,”
,■
the New Age movement, Masons,
radical homosexuals and pomog
raphers, among others.
Of course, the extreme right
doesn’t just have fascists like these
Falangist characters. There’s also
that Roaring Twenties hold-over,
the Prohibition Party.
The Prohibitionists are run
ning with Maj. Tom Reed this go
’round. Upon reaching the presi
dency, they promise to abolish
sales of alcohol and other drugs
as well as gambling, abortion, gay
rights and pom and vow to return
Bible reading to public schools.
Of course, the last time the
Prohibitionists scored big with a
presidential candidate was when
John Bidwell tallied 271,111 votes
way back in 1892. The winner that
year, Democrat Grover Cleveland,
received 5.55 million votes.
If you thought the Pro
hibitionists were the only blast
from the past on the ballot,
there’s also the Federalist Party,
whose last serious presidential
contender lost in a landslide to
James Monroe in 1816.
Mary Cal Hollis, the 19% presi
dential and 2000 vice-presidential
nominee of the Socialist Party, is
making another try at the top spot.
Ohio Socialist Party Chairman
Geoff Braasch is competing for
the Socialist Party’s nomination,
leaning on his two master’s de
grees for leverage. Braasch has a
master’s in divinity and another
master’s in public speaking along
with being a PhD. candidate in
cultural anthropology.
One must consider the great
ness of the candidate’s name. The
best name in the crowded presi
dential field is MUADIN. That’s
it. MUADIN. All caps. MUADIN
is the founder and nominee of the
E-Democrat Party and is trying to
help foster the unification of na
tions and save the environment.
Still, American Tradition
Party candidate Maximus
Englerius comes in a close sec
ond in the name department with
his Romanesque moniker.
There’s also many strange peo
ple running for Democratic and
Republican nominations.
Republican Bruce Gidner is mak
ing his first run at the presiden
cy since the ’70s, while former
Washington, D.C., mayor Yehana
Joan Malone is looking to become
the first GOP black female nomi
nee in a party notorious for being
overwhelmingly white and male.
One Democratic candidate,
though, really caught my eye.
Sanderson Beck, a Californian
running as a Democrat, says he’s
for “universal peace, justice, and
love.” Who could beat a man with
a message like that?
Wolfe is a fourth-year public
relations student.
IN YOUR OPINION
Holt’s new’ ideas
aren’t that edgy
Let’s give it up for Ryan Holt.
One day long ago, some agent
of Satan interrupted his long
winded, evangelical attempt to
save a sinner’s soul, and now
he hates tolerance. Well, good
for him. We need someone like
that. With his vigilant eyes
watching over the slippery
slope, neither Pol Pot nor Hitler
will ever be able to rise from the
dead and terrorize America be
cause, hey, tolerance and ter
rorism go hand in hand, just
like Osama and Saddam.
And that edgy “new" toler
ance he proposes is nothing at
all like what true modern tol
erance is, right? I mean, that
“not having to agree with ev
erything people say but letting
them say it anyway” thing is a
fresh, respectable idea. I, for
one, can say that I had never
considered it before.
Okay, then, let’s have one
more round of applause for a
true master of rhetoric — inci
siveness, thy name is Holt.
MITCH FRYE
GRADUATE STUDENT IN CREATIVE
WRITING
Students are liable
for their computers
I am a graduate student in
Computer Science department
and PhD candidate specializing
in information and network se
curity. I just wanted to share my
thoughts with you all.
The university computer net
work is havingmany problems.
The solution is not going
around and helping out every
one. The solution is proper ed
ucation. Everyone who wants
to connect his or her computer
to network should know how to
' maintain the computer.
Let us compare the situation
with driving a car. Person A
owns a car. Does that entitle that
person to drive the car any way.
he or she wants? Everyone is re
quired to have a license and
there is a ticket system if they
do not obey traffic rules.
Similarly, when a person
owns a computer, he or she
should not be entitled to rights
of connecting to a network. If
the computer is do not main
tained properly, legal (if your
computer is being used to attack
others, you might be account
able) and network availability
problems are created.
Thus, we need a system that
licenses users to connect their
computer to network. This also
means that everyone needs to
take a system administration
course in high school or during
freshman year.
The College of Engineering
and Information Technology
has already enforced such li
censing system for accessing
their network for remote access.
Duncan Buell, chairman of the
i Computer Science and En
gineering Department has also
recommended a similar system,
with fines for violations.
It’s time USC Computer
Services follows the trend.
VAIBHAV GOWADIA
(HIAUIIATE STUDENT IN COMPUTER
SCIENCES
Parking Services
needs an overhaul
Parking Services earns their
horrible reputation. While I
was filling out my appeals for
tickets received over fall break,
employees at Parking Services
read a Gamecock article and
made jokes about the “stupid
student” who moved her car
around meter to meter. Unlike
Columbia city meters, you can
refeed USC meters.
Then a woman with USC Media
Relations came in. She had gotten
tickets as a result of switching ve
hicles around because of mal
function. The staff/faculty coor
dinator, without any outside veri
fication or confirmation, dealt the
tickets. I hadn’t even finished fill
ing out my appeals.
In my opinion, Parking
Services’ attitude towards the stu
dents at this University is despi
cable. Everyone, from Derrick
Huggins on down, should be fired
and replaced by a staff that can at
least show some respect for the
students at USC. And, when my
appeals are denied, I’ll know why
— at least they read the
Gamecock.
CHRIS COYLE
FOURTII-YEAli POLITICAL SCIENCE
STUDENT
GOT
SOMETHING TO
SAY?
WE WANT
TO HEAR IT.
§*an
GAMECOCKOPINIONS
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We can’t
all be
brilliant
experts
DAVID STAGG
GAMECOCKOPINIONS@HOTMAIL.COM
Let everyone solve their
own problems anyway.
With perpetual worries about
the economy, with judges trying
to block the Do Not Call registry
and with the Chicago Cubs still in
the playoffs, you know something
is wrong with this world.
And when there’s a problem, it
always feels like there’s a simple
solution — especially to you.
Therefore, if my math serves me
correctly, who better to solute the
problem than yourself? Things al
ways seem so easy to fix when you
don’t have the responsibility of
fixing them. Heck, my own per
sonal motto is, “If there’s a prob
lem, yo, I’ll solve it; check out the
hook while my DJ revolves it.”
Witness my examples;
Brilliant Example One: When
there seems to be some kind of is
sue between your friend and her
boyfriend, the answer is obvious.
FRIEND THAT’S A GIRL:
Tommy told me he was planning
on taking me out this weekend.
ME: Dump him.
GIRL: What? All he wants to do
is get some food.
ME: Dump him. He’s no good.
GIRL: How on earth would
you know?
ME: JUST DO IT!
Even More Brilliant Example
Two: As a male, I am required by
law to make anything in the house
that breaks not only work again
— but work better. As a testament
to my ingenuity, the other day, my
roommate and I realized our dryer
was not working properly. We’d
throw our wet laundry in and two
hours later it would still be damp.
In a moment of epiphany, after
pulling a Dexter’s Laboratory and
dismantling the dryer to try and
fix it from the inside, we decided
to reset breakers in our house,
which managed to rupture any
electronic device in our apart
ment, losing saved information on
computers, halting the earth from
turning and causing California to
break off and fall into the ocean.
All this to realize that the ini
tial problem was that the dryer
was set on “Air Fluff.”
Brillianter Example Three:
Leading economists have argued
about the right way to deal with
recessions for thousands of cen
turies, when Alan Greenspan was
still Chairman of the Federal
Reserve Board.
Being of noneconomist per
suasion, I can, naturally, solve the
problem. I propose Staggitalism, a
simple solution to the America’s
economic stagnation. I would im
plement these standards:
♦ The word “stagg” would be
put before every economic term
in recognition of the fact that my
surname makes for a clever pun.
Along with “stagnation” and
“stagflation,” we would soon add
the “Stagg Street Journal” and the
aforementioned Staggitalism.
Stocks would become known as
staggs and will heretofore be re
ferred to as such.
♦ All stagg dividends would be
returned to consumers in giant
checks as if we’d all won some
thing from Publisher’s Clearing
House because, well, who wouldn’t
want a humongous check that
couldn’t be more unwieldy, harder
to fit in your wallet and advertise
to the world exactly how rich
Staggitalism has made you?
We should all take a chill pill
and let people figure out how to
solve their own problems. Like the
old adage goes, “Catch a man a fish,
and he’ll eat for a day, but teach a
man to fish, and he’ll vomit for his
lifetime because seafood is gross.”
If you still need help, give me a
call. I’ll be dismantling my dryer.
Stagg is a third-year media arts
student.
r