The gamecock. (Columbia, S.C.) 1908-2006, February 13, 2002, Page 7, Image 7
THE GAMECOCK ♦ Wednesday, February 13, 2002 7
■
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E-mail us at gamecockmixeditor@hotmail.com
BY CARRIE PHILLIPS
THE GAMECOCK
Ah, Valentine’s Day. A whole day (if
you’re lucky) to celebrate the joys of love
and intimacy with your special person.
And while a lot of us might not want to
admit it, it’s the one day out of the year
that almost everyone in a consummated
relationship is going to have sex. But are
you doing it right? Could it be better?
What the hell is Kama Sutra anyway?
No wonder there are a million and
one books on the subject. Here are five
titles that caught my eye.
“POCKET KAMA SUTRA"
By Anne Hooper
DK Publishing Inc., $9.95
Just in case you need a little
reference in your purse for those
elevator trysts, Hooper has
downsized her guide to the ancient
Indian art of lovemaking to make it
easy to keep wherever you need it
The book covers almost everything
the larger version does, and it’s fully
illustrated with color photographs.
The pictures, though small, are easy
to understand and much more
attractive than those in “The Art of
Erotic Massage.” This guide is
probably the most enlightening of
flip hnnnh
“HOTSEX: HOWTO DO IT"
By Tracy Cox
Bantam Books, $12.95
This book runs through
every sex-related topic you
could ever think of. Cox, an
Australian sex
pert and former
editor of the
Australian
Cosmopolitan,
covers
techniques and
tips on
everything.
There are step
by-step guides
for different sex
acts, as well as
research related to extended
sexual orgasm and coital
alignment technique. The
book also covers gay and
lesbian sex. The dictionary in
the back of the book is
informative and humorous,
though you probably learned
moct nf HofinHinno
“THE ART OF EROTIC MASSAGE”
By Dr. Andrew Yorke
Cassell and Co., $16.95
Reading this book’s
introduction, you would think it
could teach you and your partner
to massage each other expertly.
It falls far short of that, however.
The book takes an almost clinical
approach; the pictures are
informative without being
voyeuristic, though they’re a bit
humorous because the book was
originally published in 1988. (Oh,
the hair! What were they
thinking?) This book gives an
i urKe covers
several types of
massage:
sensual, erotic,
shiatsu,
accupressure
and
reflexology.
“HOW TO GIVE HER ABSOLUTE h
PLEASURE” ^
By Lou Paget
Broadway Books, $20
As Dr. Frankenfurter so
eloquently put it, “Give yourself
over to absolute pleh-eh-sure.”
Well, as we all know, that is all
but impossible for a lot of women
(shut up, boys). Paget’s book is
supposed to be a guide for men to
up the chances for the big “O.” It
ends up, however, reading like
sex-for-morons. The chapter on
getting her in the mood would
have been relevant in the 1950s,
but one hopes women are more
independent and guys are more
realistic nowadays, not expecting
a woman to get excited as soon as
he opens the door for her. Boys, if
you really need a book to tell you
thpsp
easy-io-unuersiana
lesson in how to
properly massage
someone, but that’s
about it.
“SEDUCTION: TEMPT,
TEASE AND TANTALIZE
YOUR LOVER”
_ By Snow Raven
Starborn
Sourcebooks
Casablanca,
$16.95
First things
first - look at
this author’s
name. Can
someone
named Snow
, Raven,
voluntarily or
not, really have a grasp on
reality? Starborn arranges
her book in 23 different
“seductions,” varying
from “The First
Seduction” to “The Messy
Seduction.” Each one has
its own poem, activity,
pulse-point oil, color
scheme, menu and idea for
the morning after. The
poems are vapid,
uninspired and trite, and
the activities hover on the
brink of originality. Any
woman who has to use
these tactics to make
someone love her needs a
new man and a new brain.
The good thing about this
book? The recipes. Each
and every one looks
delicious and fairly easy
to make. There’s even a
whole section in the back
on mixed drinks. Try the
chocolate martinis - you
might seduce yourself!
Comments on this story?E-mail
gamecockmixeditor@hotmail.com
LOU PA (in^
Houu to Give Her
ABSOLUTE
PLEASURE
“secrets,”
there’s a
reason you’ve
never had a
girlfriend
most of this is
common sense.
Her condom
product guide
andHIV
coverage,
^ nowever, are
informative.
The most eye-opening part of the
book is the portion on sex toys -
who knew such things existed?
because it's the
clearest, but
unless you're a
12 year old, you
probably don’t
need the
elementary
instructions that
take up entirely
too much space.
This book, with
its descriptions
of numerous
positions, could
be great for a
couple looking to
spice things up j
without having L
U *
in the fourth grade.
Sadly, there are no
pictures, and Cox
neglects the topic of sex
toys. But the page-long
descriptions of both
female and male
orgasms make up for it.
The chapter on STDs
and the chapters on
sexual fantasies and sex
myths are must-reads.
Cox treats the subject
I easily, humorously and
' candidly. Though it
seems a little
elementary, it’s a fun
- read, ifr*' hingelse.
luieiy unsiuy
poetry and fancy mixed drinks.
WUSC Top
Ten Albums
FOR THE WEEK OF
FEB. 3-FEB. 10
1. “ THE ROYAL
TEN EN BAUMS’
MOTION PICTURE
SOUNDTRACK”
Various Artists
2. “BLOODSPORT”
Sneaker Pimps
3. “COME WITH US”
Chemial Brothers
4. “ ‘I AM SAM’
MOTION PICTURE
SOUNDTRACK”
VariousArtists
5. “PROCESS OF
BELIEF”
Bad Religion
6. “ASLEEP IN THE BACK”
Elbow
7. “ALMERIA CLUB”
Hank Williams, Jr.
8. “DESTINY”
Zero 7
9. “WASHED UP AND
THROUGH THE RINGER’”
Catch-22
10. “SAMBA SOUL 70!”
Various Artists
THE SWEETEST DAY OF THE YEAR
Better than sex
BY RACHEL BEATTY
THE GAMECOCK.
As Valentine’s Day approaches, our thoughts tend to turn to
this holiday’s various displays. Boyfriends scurry around,
buying roses, teddy bears and other trinkets. Girlfriends
eagerly await the goodies. The single folk swear off the holiday
as pointless and biased. Most people will wear red or pink. But,
really, what’s the best part of Valentine’s
Day.'meoaindy.
^ Valentine’s Day ranks fourth in
lb candy sales, mainly chocolate, out
H of all the major holidays. In early
H January, those bright, frilly,
heart-shaped boxes of candy fill up
store aisles. One could get lost in the
f maze of sheer tackiness that candy
manufacturers present for us and our
loved ones. Who hasn’t gone out with a
sour taste in her mouth from all the love
_ floating around, only to sweeten it a
bit with a bag of Dove’s Promises?
A Favorite name-brand candies
celebrate this holiday with
fancier packaging or suitable
colors. M&Ms, arriving in a pink
y bag, have red, white and pink
W coatings (the blue ones are still
better). Selling all the different kinds
comes down to packaging. Some candies
are sold with actual paper valentines.
. Various cartoons and movies have
their own little goodies. Harry
Potter is, without a doubt,
■ pushing his merchandise.
Generic chocolates also come in
smarter wrappings-some inside
|W balloons and some with teddy
y bears or dancing monkeys. Others
come in the shape of a chocolate rose.
No Valentine’s gift basket is
omplete without a small dose of
chocolate. It’s no surprise that a girlfriend is
usually pleased with at least a small box - chocolate triggers a
“happy” hormone that often stimulates feelings of love (as if there
wasn’t enough of that floating around already).
Chocolate aside, one of the most familiar and memory
jarring candies to give or receive on this holiday are those fun
conversation hearts. Sugary sweet and available in a dizzying
array of pastel colors, conversation hearts are always a big
•in '
♦ CANDY, SEE PAGE 8
Best love songs
BY TUG BAKER
THE GAMECOCK
If all the songs ever written
were categorized by topic,
love would probably be the
No. 1 subject, the one that
demands the most attention
from humanity’s bards.
It’s only fitting, then, that
music can have a profound
effect on our emotions, most
importantly love. To me, the
following songs are some of
contemporary music’s
greatest love ballads. These
are the songs to which the
world has had its first kiss,
fallen in love and made love.
Try them out on your
Valentine’s outing. Believe
me-they can’t fail.
“LET’S GET IT ON”
Marvin Gaye
This is, without a doubt,
the sexiest song ever written.
I mean, just look at the title,
for God’s sake! Notable cover:
In the movie “High Fidelity,”
Tenacious D’s Jack Black
does the best job any white
man has ever done emulating
Marvin Gaye.
“THE FIRST, THE LAST, MY
EVERYTHING”
Barry White
Guilty pleasure? Yes. Does
Barry White have a sexy
voice? Hell yeah. Will it work
for you? You damn right.
“MY FUNNY VALENTINE”
Billie Holiday
The awe-inspiring beauty
of Billie Holiday’s voice was
best put to use in her version
of “My Funny Valentine.”
There’s no sultrier sound on
Earth. Notable cover: In “The
Talented Mr. Ripley,” Matt
Damon makes all the girls
swoon with his cover of this
song, but they’re dismayed
when he turns out to be a
homosexual psycho-killer.
“I’VE GOT YOU UNDER MY
SKIN”
Frank Sinatra
The man who knew more
about women than probably
should be legal, Frank Sinatra
recorded a classic that rings
true to this day. What woman
wouldn’t want to hear that she’s
more exciting than cocaine?
“SOMETHING”
The Beatles
Sinatra himself once called
this the greatest love song
ever written. Written by the
late George Harrison, the
ballad earns Sinatra’s praise
with its simple lyrics backed
by a slow, loving melody.
“WOULDN’T IT BE NICE”
The Beach Boys
This classic track from
“Pet Sounds” harkens back to
a day when young couples
longed to be “older” because,
then, they “wouldn’t have to
wait so long.” I don’t think
they were talking about
getting a joint insurance
plan.
“CHEEK TO CHEEK”
Fred Astaire
This song was made popular
by the 1935 movie “Top Hat.”
No one can resist Fred
Astaire’s smooth crooning as
he and Ginger Rogers float
across the silver screen.
“EVERYTIME WE SAY GOOD
BYE”
Ella Fitzgerald
A gorgeous song by one of
the greatest voices ever,
“Everytime We Say Good-Bye”
is a bittersweet lament of a love
so strong that every moment
apart is sadness. Notable cover:
Robbie Williams.
♦ SONGS, SEE PAGE 8
Generic
outlook
on the day
men hate
DAVID STAGG
GAMECOCKMIXEDITOR@HOTMAIL.COM
Every February, men ask the
same question: Why do women go
to the bathroom in packs? Besides
that, men want to know how in the
heck this so-called “Valentine’s
Day” actually started. (Most men
refer to it as You’d-Better-Do
Something-Special-Today-or-You
W ill-Be-Sleeping-on-the-Couch
for-the-Next-Month Day). It’s
almost as big a mystery as how
“TRL” got so popular. Most of
these guys would love to meet -
and by meet, I mean kill - the guy
who invented it. (News flash for
- those not too bright: He’s already
dead, so put down your pitchforks
and lanterns.)
But death didn’t stop this guy
from spawning an entire holiday
devoted to - you guessed it -
Hallmark. An alarming 1 billion
Valentine’s Day cards are mailed
each year, making the holiday
second only to Bill Clinton’s
birthday. Interestingly enough,
men buy a whopping 15 percent of
these cards.
Something seems out of order
here. Shouldn’t a holiday
dedicated to the worship of women
be sustained by men? “Not quite,”
the men say in revolt. “We v^ill
watch Winter Olympic sports such
as cross-country shoot-the-skier
and laugh in the face of the women
who try to get us to participate in
this vile holiday!”
If you’re human, you know
this is not what men say. We
might think it, but if we verbalize
our thoughts, we all know our
(insert slang term for testicles,
here) could be in danger. The
real conversation goes
something more like this:
GIRL: So, what did you get me
. for Valentine’s Day?
BOY (with agonizing look in
his eyes): Valentine’s Day?
GIRL: YES, VALENTINE’S DAY.
BOY (reaching into his pockets,
hoping for something creative):
This... gum wrapper and lint!
GIRL: [A raging, VERY non
Valentine’s Day word].
Someone please tell me why
some man decided to start such a
horrifying “holiday” supposedly
about “love” and “devotion” and
“quotation marks around
random phrases?” It leads to
nothing but heartache. Tell me
why? It ain’t nothin’ but a
mistake. Tell me why-ee? I never
want to hear you say, “I want
Valentine’s that way.”
Not only is this holiday
dedicated to women and
merchandising (two words that
appear in the same sentence about
as often as “Michael Jackson” and
“nose job”), but I’m sure it can
also drop a person’s self-esteem as
deep as the shredded paper on
Enron’s office floors.
For example, if you walk
around in public on Valentine’s
Day, and you’re not within five
feet of someone of the opposite sex
at all times, people automatically
assume you smell bad.
But they could also assume you
were just a loser without a
valentine. You would be forced to
ouuv-i uiv/ viuuai i aoomciu ui ucmg
single, a state about as humiliating
as running for SG president.
According to statistics*, about
99 percent of people who have
either a) owned a slap bracelet, b)
sang the theme song from “Top
Gun” in the shower or c) own any
of the Spice Girls’ CDs don’t have
valentines. This is rather upsetting
to me, as I’ve done all three. I guess
that might mean I’ll never see a
valentine in my life. But I’ll go on
celebrating the holiday. Just don’t
expect to see me within five feet of
someone else.
^Statistics taken from the Regional Elite
Justification of Experimenting with Crappy,
Too-Emphasized Days (REJECTED)
Stagg is a first-year media arts
student.