Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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EtCetera After a rough breakup, wait until ready before dating again Dear Ann Marie and Mackenzie, Recently my boyfriend of four-and-a-half years broke up with me. There is another guy who is interested in me and wants to begin a relationship. I am nervoust about being a new relationship so soon, especially because the old one just ended. How soon is too soon to start another relationship after a long-term relationship has recently ended? Ask Ann Marie & MacKenzie How soon is too soon to start dating again? Well, that is an interesting question. And there is really no sonu answer. Everyone is different, so they > cope with the pain of break-ups dif- / ferently (personally, I write nasty / three-page letters calling the ex I every conceivable name in the book, but that’s just me.) \ J It also takes people different VJ| amounts of time to deal with a break-up, especially if it was a long \ i . term relationship. However, I don’t think there should be a set time saying you have to wait two or three months before you can start dating again. It’s not like you’re in mourning. You should start dating again when you think you are ready to handle it. Now I’m not saying you should go out with another guy the day after the break-up; that’s just ridicu lous. If it takes you a month, that’s fine. If it takes you three months, that’s fine. If it takes you six months, that’s fine. But before you even consider dating someone else, you should spend some time alone. Get to know yourself as a sin gle person. Spend the time you used to spend with your boyfriend, with your friends. Just remember boyfriends come and go, but friends are forever. You should also go out and have fun. College is proba bly the only time in our lives when we can throw caution to the wind and just have a good time. So before you jump into possibly another long-term re lationship, you should go play the field and have a good time. Single life can be great; you just have to learn to play the game. Also, there are certain questions you must ask yourself before getting into another relationship. Do you really like this guy? Are you just on the rebound? Do you really want to be in another relationship so soon? You must consider these questions before jumping into another relationship. You don’t want to lead this guy on and end up hurting him like you have been hurt - mO* ** • ■ % ■ /Cjjf j»K For most people, I suggest they wait two months to date again. The time frame could be different depend mg oh me muivmuai, dul uasieauy poo 's. pie need enough time to re-evalu \ ate, reconstruct and relax. Ik \ First of all, you need to see K \ what went wrong in your rela BF I tionship. Take time to decide what B / the other person did that you did ^ J n’t agree with or like. Then think 'm about your own actions with that ISfis Person- Did you do anything that could have harmed the relationship? When did you notice a problem? Was there constant fighting involved with the relationship? What could have you done to prevent the problem? Then take time to reconstruct yourself. Think about you. Build back up the self you knew before you let another person in. Develop new goals and re invent youself. Sometimes couples become “we,” and they lose themselves during the dating period. I also suggest you find a new hobby or pastime to keep you busy so you don’t think about the other person as much. Time is truly the only way to overcome a bad situation. You must allow yourself to deal with the pain of losing that person and honestly admit that it’s over. Trying to convince yourself it isn’t over will on ly deepen the wound. The third thing you should do after overcoming a long term relationship is relax. Encountering new hobbies and new personal goals. You should take a deep breath and en joy being alone. Sometimes being with another person is ex hausting. Although you care deeply about that person, you sometimes foiget to give yourself space. While working on your new life, realize what you have to offer someone. Although you might hate yourself after being broken up with someone, remember there was a reason why the per son liked you in the first place. There are thousand and one reasons people aren’t meant to be together. Now that you are no longer with that person, be happy with who you are. • Room Service from page 8 by Flik and Chart well’s have room service like Manhat tanville’s, where a full meal is available and it doesn’t cost I extra. But many have pizza or sandwich deliveryfor cash. “Competition on college campuses has brought us to a place where student services is what sells,” he said. “If you’ve been to a college cafeteria lately you know that it’s almost a restaurant-type setting.” Indeed, Manhattanville’s cafeteria offered a bright view of the campus, sparkling tables, and a bewildering variety of food in addition to the standard buigers and piz za — eggplant parmigiana, broiled fish, rice pilaf, pasta with ctam or marinara sauce, baked sweet potatoes, a sep arate area with Chinese food, a little ice cream parlor, a coffee bar. Singleton, though happy with the hand-delivered lunch, said she’d be back in the cafeteria many times before us ing her two remaining room-service calls. “I’m saving them for finals,” she said. - * Personality from page 8 “Each assesses different characteristics,” he said Hix mentions two types of test. One, the Strong Interest Inventory, “is an interest inventory that attempts to help stu dents clarify their interests and compare their interests to peo ple who are happily and successfully employed in various oc cupations.” Hix also mentioned another test called the Myers Briggs Type Indicator. “It is a personality test that helps students identify their preferences in approaching tasks ^ making decisions and com municating with others,” he said He said that between the two, the Strong Interest Inven tory was more career-focused However, the question remains: Can these tests promote good lifestyles? Many people believe that by taking these tests, their lives can change automatically. But, the tests cannot change anything. It is what’s inside the test taker that will motivate them to change their lifestyles, but more than likely, cannot influence a person’s mind through a questionnaire or through - the Internet. Murphy said that although she did well on the test, per sonality, tests don’t promote good lifestyles. She said, “It has nothing to do with you as an individual, our interests, back ground, heritage and other things that describe your lifestyle.” There are many personality assessments that will try to help people better understand themselves and get to know one another in order to find out who they are as people and what some techniques are that they can use to have a productive lifestyle. They can provide a basic psychoanalytic structure about personality for society, and how different people in society can relate to their personal and emotional problems. So the next time you take one of those personality tests, see how the test is structured and whether it correlates to your lifestyle. NeedAdvice? Ask etCetera Submit a letter to etCetera inRH 333 or e-mail gckfeatures@yahoo.com Undergraduate Position Available % * Student wanted for part-time position in on-campus office. Must have excellent communication skills and strong experience in Microsoft Office ‘97 (Word, Access, Excel, PowerPoint) and Adobe Pagemaker 6.5. Salary commensurate with experience. Contact A. Dawn Ward at (803) 777-0311 for more information. tEPSCoR The University of South Carolina is an affirmative action/equal opportunity employer.