Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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The 'royal we' with Rob and Kevin ‘'This old town, filled with sin, it will swallow you in...” Gram Parsons’ words ring true as we recount our experience in Five Points this weekend as several thou- , sand people celebrated not being Irish with green beer and all-out drunken tomfoolery. Now we’re not straight edge, nor are we so stuck up that we don’t enjoy ourselves with the occasional strong drink. We do. But we were in no mood or condition to partici pate in Saturday’s debauchery, so we were bystanders who simply watched the events unfold. Ah, we can still taste the stale cigar smoke in the back of our throats. Let us assure you that there are few smells more sober ing than cigar smoke. If that isn’t enough, the mixed smell of funnel cakes, hot dogs, onion rings and bar becue lingers. We had to be on our toes that day, gentle readers. We knew that one false move or step and we ran the risk of colliding with one of the many merrymakers. Maneuvering through the dense (double meaning there, dear readers) crowd reminded us of the Christmas shop ping craze. But, have no fear. We are quite quick on our feet in these situations, and you’d be amazed to see us zig and zag through those crowds. You might even remember us if you were down there. We would have been the guys say ing “excuse me” and “pardon me” through all the mess. I am sure we stood out. Sometimes we had to side step the occasional stroller with child, but - hold that. Picture that for us, please. You’re in Five Points and you’re sloppy drunk. You’ve got some major decisions ahead of you: Do you wait in line for beer, or do you wait in line for the bathroom? This is the level of men tality we’re reduced to, people. So why on God’s green earth (no pun intended) would you bring your child to the St. Patrick’s Day Festival? What kind of life are you carving for this kid? Not only are you wheeling this kid through a cesspool of beer, filth and haphaz ard foolishness, but you’ve got the kid close to the ground where the horrible smell is concentrated. We couldn’t count how many times drunk people nearly fell on a baby. A friend of ours said he saw a father spill an entire cup of beer on his son. Don’t be surprised when your kid is taking contraband to high school, buddy. Another thing that shocked and amazed us was the invention (or tweaking) by a certain unnamed beer company. Apparently, this brewery has started pack ing its product in plastic, resealable bottles. The jury is still out on this one. We aren t sure if this is a good thing for slow beer drinkers, or if this is an overall trav esty to the art of beer and beer drinking as we know it. However, this brings the long sought-after beer vend ing machine that much closer to fruition. We’ve heard they got these suckers in Amsterdam or some other place in Europe, but we’ve never ac tually seen them. We all know what types of people they got in Amsterdam, but that place has become so passe anyway. Can you imagine walking down the street and seeing a beer vending machine bordered by two soda machines? “Do I want the Diet Coke, the Sprite or the Miller Genuine Draft?” The fine folks at Royal We Inc. would like to note that npne of the companies mentioned above is in any contractual agreement with Robert and Kevin. Robert and Kevin randomly chose those names out of a hat provided by Claus the engineer. By using these names, Robert and Ke vin are not suggesting they drink or en dorse the drinking of these products. In fewer words: We don i have the money nor popularity to get en dorsements, so pay no attention to the products’names listed above... unless, of course, you are one of the fine representatives at Coke or Miller and would like to shuffle an endorsement or ad this way. That’s as weird as buying milk in those Chug bottles. Milk isn ’t hooking us up either. ---—--—---- r, - WUSC-FM spring 2000 schedule • Time slot Monday Tuesday 12-2 a.m. Tug, with Audio ! ; Occasional Music- Assault 2-4 a.m. N'se Mandy • 4-6 a.m. Nirav Gasey McKeever 6-8 a.m. Christi Anthony Pistilli 8-10 a.m. Peter A. Ken 10-noon Jim Village O’ Kevin Variety Heard It 12-2 p.m; Trent Auditory Stimulation 2-4 p.m. Niffer The Girl Show 4-6 p.m. The Marquee Wasteland Music 6-8 p.m. Breakneck Blues Moor Punk Rock w/ DeLune 8-10 p.m. Radio Riot Big Band Hardcore Show 10-midnight HARDTIME The LoudRock Connection :• _ WEDNESDAY THURSDAY FRIDAY Imperial Midnight Nonstop Theater Hangover Hip-Hop Audio XTC Will Cathcart Louis St. Jacques John Elliott Scott Cunn Derik Brenner The Morning Morning Music Tony H. After Invasion Jennifer L. DJ McClaine Mitch Schitzophrenic Jason P. Morning Meat Surplus Supertwins Justin The Action Hour Catacombs Spin Cycle DJ Smiley Afternoons with JMAC Richard H. Russ B. I@$?... TGIF i The Afterlight Ska Revolution 5 armageddon Revolution/ Free Format La Voz Wed. Shag Latina Wed. Shag Nonstop Locals Hip-Hop Only SATURDAY SUNDAY Andy’s Dave Wood Onslaught Jen & Dawn Campbell Campbell Campbell Campbell Mandy M --- Red Bank Stacia Bar & Grill Red Bank Sunday Morn. Bar & Grill Excursions Nate the Lone Great Gunman Ghetto Radio Hymns Clash Easy Radio Skanking Inferno Nick & Electric CK Podium Textures Digital Dis tribution Dark Dead Cow £ EntriesShow_J wusc top 30 1. Modest Mouse- Building Something Out of Nothing 2. Apples in Stereo- Look Ahead 3. Morphine- The Night 4. Paul Newman- Machine is not Bro ken 5. Pyuichi Sakamoto- Cinemage 6. GungaDin- Glitterati 7. Dinosaur Jr- The BBC Sessions 8. YoLa Tengo- And Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out 9. Van Momscn, Lome Ucnegan, < rms Barber- The Skiffle Sessions 10. Will Oldham- Guarapa 11. The Alcbemysts and Simeon- S/T 12. Guided By Voices- Hold on Hope EP 13. Sex Mob- Solid Sender 14. Enoo- Believo! 15. Kid Koala- Carpal Tunnel Syndrome 16. MDFMK- S/T 17. CaD/Fkrence/Pow- These Are Plans 18. New Dimensions in Music w/ Matthew Shipp - Time is of the Essence 19. Superchunk-1000 Pounds 20. Sun Ra and His Solar Myth Arkestra Life is Splendid 21. Olivia Tremor Control- The Peel Sessions 22. Reverend Horton Heat- Spend a Night in the Box 23. Brad Mehldau- Deregulating Jazz 24. Jungle Brothers- VIP 25. Mouse on Mars- Niun Niggung Thrill Jockey 26. The Billy Nayer Shows- Return to Briggadoon 21. The Ananda Shankar Experience Walking On 28. Third Eye Foundation- Little Lost Soul 29. Poster Children- DDD 30. South Pacific- Constance — —