The gamecock. (Columbia, S.C.) 1908-2006, April 28, 1999, Page Page 4B, Image 16
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Cloning
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inga
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David Cloninger Part'
Hecklers' Row them
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all teary-eyed and misty over t
dear readers my much-adorec
cause I know you will probably
spillikens until you can read n
(I know The Gamecock sta
ago, my editor said, "Cloningei
every week?")
This week's presentation wi
in the world of sports, those v
how lost it en route to either b<
sonal embarrassment.
Delta
would like'
graduating Br
Dave Bodiford M
Yakisha Bookard
Priscila Cabrera ThUS1
Jcxiie Clark ^3
Christy Craft /gf
Stacie Denin
Zebeth Fowler
TI . ^ .. ?
neatner uooain
Roberto Gonzalez-Vigil
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ter another Wek of watch- I know it will probably offend some
certain relief pitcher wreck do you expect from a free newspaper?
tain baseball team's chances
aning, I'm back to bring you The Denver Broncos ? I know
inal installment of words of actly fit, considering that they're the de
)m, which will no doubt make. champions for the second consecutive ye
: of you celebrate by over- joses John Elway and replaces him wi
ng cars in Five Points or try- bound for the trash heap,
o tear down the goal posts Eugene Robinson ? I'm here ti
illiams nce- portant game of my life, so I think I
figure, smce the athletic de- hooker
nent won't let the fans rip Tin_' ,, , c
, j . ,, ,r What s worse, the amount otmoney
down during the season, why , . , _ r
0 it now?) gotten him a couple of hands of canast;
lyway l don't want to get J'sure is ?reat how athletes are rol
he fact that I can't give you ' . m .
1 tirades until next fall be- NBA At least we re not ta
nibble your fingernails into mouths of the players children, to pari
le again. Patrick Ewing, who gets paid around $
ff loves me. Just a few days Did You mean legitimate kids or othen
, how can you do this to me Elton Brand and William Ave
idea how much it hurts to say this. Two
11 be on the losers of the year and have a chance to be known as pai
/ho had it made and some- teams ever assembled, but instead opt f(
me-crushing defeats or per- imum three-year "Welcome to the Pros":
Barkley and his famous elbows to the t
Going
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to congratulate our i^Uri
others of Spring-1999
Ma^: Hutchinson
Josh Williams Mjjp |
! You'll be missed! j
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CAROLINA SPORTS
nT7POf in mp
jlia^ y v^ai hi uljlv^
poor soul, but what Tennessee fans ? Who cares if they wo
title? Anybody who puts bright orange on ever
lampshades to toilet plungers, and then don't hi
these guys don't ex- mon courtesy to send Syracuse University an
fending Super Bowl quarterback Clint Stoerner thank-you notes f(
ar, but anybody who cues, is a loser.
th Bubby Brister is The city of Nashville ? What kind of nai
ball team is the Titans? Look out next year for t
d play the most im- Justice League America Hulk Spiders, as long a
'11 try to pick up a ing from comic books.
Mark Wohlers ? May your fingers fall off w
he paid would have Greg Norman ? Try selling your soul to!
a, at best. Jerry Jones, next time you visit Augusta,
e models nowadays, Have you considered a name change fron
to, maybe, the Flounder?
king food out of the The San Francisco 49ers ? Again, an
aphrase the Knicks' favorite teams massacred by the league. Half th(
10 million per year, up in Cleveland, Matt Meanest Man on hart
vise? traded and backup QB Jim Druckenmiller i
;ry ? You have no rape.
kids go off to school I would like to donate my left arm for the
"t of one of the best Young for Just One More Year" foundation,
ir money and a min- Clemson University ? Enough said,
session with Charles Tarheel basketball ? I can smell that ]
;yes. ginning to rot more quickly than Marriott foo<
to be here this summer?*
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Wednesday,
world of sp
n a national Better retire, Bill, but before you
ything from bottle and for God's sake, peel some :
ave the com- Lang's mouthpiece,
id Arkansas Ice hockey ? There is no way i
)r their mis- the same without Gretzky lighting it i
son people watched anyhow,
ne for a foot- The Chicago Cubs ? First H;
he Dubuque Ken7 Wood is lost for the season an*
e wo'ro nam- my is starting to believe the hype. C
without a pennant.
rhile bathing Tony Gwynn ~1 feel your Pail
^ , I hope you get traded to finally g
sa an, a. .a. y0us0justly deserve. (Forget it. Evei
, . isn't that dumb.)
a the bhark Wrestling- It finally becomes a 1
side "cretin") and has drawn more fa
lother of my ft will bottom out when people re?
- team wands jng wrestling!"
h" Gogan is The Baltimore Orioles?Jusl
s busted for worked for Florida (pro and college
work for you. Makes me nostalgic foi
"Save Steve patented system of getting thrown c
header.
It's been fun, folks,
program be- Have a good summer, go Braves ?
i in August, sportscaster, we'll see ya down the rc
<eet! "
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^1 jill common|
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H
April 28, 1999 J
torts'
do, grab Phil another
more oranges for Kris
this sport will ever be
lp. That's half the reaarry
Caray dies, then
i now Slammin' Samhalk
up another year t
1.
et that championship
1 Padres management
lousehold name (alongns
than ever,
dize, "Hey! I'm watcht
because a big payroll
) doesn't mean it will
Earl Weaver and his
>ut twice in a doubletnd
to quote a favorite
>ad.
' Sports.
|v.
Hii
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nfort by
sshopperi
hj/K/ds
Mr Choice
16?
Reg. 1997
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