The gamecock. (Columbia, S.C.) 1908-2006, September 04, 1991, Page 8, Image 8
Videos
From the
Video Vault
:
By BRIAN SHELTON
Staff Writer
Every once in a while, you
come across a person who has
such an impact on your life that
you know you are going to end up
writing about them in a newspaper
article. That's the case with to
day s video vault, wnicn is aoout
videos I saw with Rebecca Ann
Cornfield.
Rebecca Ann (not her real name
but one I'm using to protect her
identity and to keep her from beating
the holy heck out of me) and I
used to hang out. I would love to
say she worshipped the ground I
strut upon but, unfortunately, it
was never a "girlfriend-boyfriend"
situation. Rebecca was always
more like a "firm handshake" than
a "main squeeze."
We still went out, though, and
regardless of whatever plans we
made, we always ended up doing
the same thing. I would pick her
up at her house, we would adjourn
to "Stan's House of Steak and
Stuff' for vittles, and then we
would swing by the video store to
get a movie.
It was usually late by the time
we got to "Videos R' Us" so, of
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ten, the only movies left were Police
Academy 5 and The Adventures
of Pippie Longstocking. Occasionally,
though, we would find
a movie actually made in this half
of the century and, here for you
now, are some of the best and
worst of them.
Pretty Woman( 1990): Even
though Rebecca and I were just
pals, I was welcomed, if not encouraged,
to compliment her on
her looks. This wasn't that hard to
do since the chick was gorgeous
but during Pretty Woman, I decided
to play a little joke on her.
At one point during die film, she
asked if I thought she was as
pretty as Julia Roberts. I said, and
I thought it was witty at the time,
"No, of course you're not," to
which she responded with a
monstrous jack-slap. When I regained
consciousness, I was able
to see the film, which is about a
"fairy-tale" romance between
corporate-raider Richard Gere and
prostitute Julia Roberts. Gere acts
like he just came out of a coma but
Roberts is great and singlehandidly
miica. uic 111111 a coupic ui nuicnes.
B+
Three Men and a Baby{\987):
When Rebecca asked if I had seen
this, I lied and said I hadn't The
way I figured it, if she picked it
out, she wanted to watch it and if I
told her I viewed it already, she
would have something sarcastic
like, "Well, I guess you've just
seen everything," and pouted all
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the way home. In hindsight, I wish
I wouldn't have lied because the
movie was just as bad the second
time as it was the first The plot
has Ted Danson, Tom Selleck and
Steve Guttenburg taking care of a
tyke one of them fathered.
There's tons of diaper jokes, a
smuggling sub-plot and about two
giggles in this boring cutesy com-edy
and, if your in the mood for
this type of film, I recommend the
sequel instead. It unlike it's predecessor,
is actually somewhat entertaining.
D
Breakfast Club: At one time,
Rebecca had this weird crush on
Emilio Estevez. She liked him so
much that she forced me to take
her to Young Guns II (which will
probably be reviewed, one day,
under "westerns where people in
them wear Mousse") and made me
rent the John Hughes-directed
Breakfast Club, in which Estevez
plays an athlete who, along with
four other students, is put on an
all-day detention. The five teens
whine about their horrible lives
and, while Rebecca was drooling
over Estevez, I was bored silly and
hoping someone would take a club
and knock them all on their heads.
D+
Uncle Buck (1989): "I heard
this was funny," Rebecca said and,
when it comes to videos, hearing
something is funny usually means
you won't laugh once and will
want the person who recommended
it to you to be hanged by a
i WC
K
WBe're working sn
too. So you do
to work harder
For us, it means an ongc
tionship with educators an
sors, striving to understanc
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needed to helplthem make
concepts comeplive.
It means continually wor
with students like you, disc
firsthand what you expect i
calculator you select.
The result? Calculators tl
highly recommended by yc
teachers and peers. Calcula
that are perfectly matched t
major and your courseworl
The TT81 is a perfect exa
It offers the most comprehe
easy-to-use graphing feature
available with extensive pre
gramming capabilities.
And there are others.
?1991 Texas Instruments, Inc. IH
m Trademark of Texas Instruments,
Steve Guttenberg (right), Ted
novie to rent.
heir toenails. Surprisingly, thougl
Jncle Buck isn't that bad. The fill
s a light-hearted comedy aboi
ohn Candy taking care of hi
mother's kids and, in it, he mar
iges to teach the little buggers
ew things about life. Along th
vay, there are some funny gags ir
'olving golf balls, drills and on
vhere Candy is beaned on th
lead with the contents of hi
:loset Showing her sensitive side
Rebecca laughed at that last ga
or 10 minutes, making the mil
he was drinking come out of he
ight nostril. B
I Driving Miss Daisy (1989)
Vhen you like someone as muc
s t liked Rebecca Ann, you fini
Iks
(OTH
narter, Like the TI-68,
n't have tific that solves
neous equatior
ting rela- numbers and c
id profes- programming.
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students, th
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It handles timemath
offers cash flow
rate of return (D
king value (NPV).
overing
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Danson and Tom Selleck star in Thi
1, there is nothing you wouldn't do
n for them. For her, I would have
it gone skydiving naked and when
is she asked me to hunt down a copy
l- of Driving Miss Daisy, I was out
a searching at every video store in
e town. Unfortunately, everywhere I
i- went in Columbia, it was rented
e out There was, however, a copy
e left at a video store in Charlotte so
s I rented it and rushed to Rebecca's
J, house. After apologizing for being
g nine hours late, we watched the
k film, which details a friendship bear
tween black chaufffeur, Hoke
(played wonderfully by Morgan
i: Freeman) and his employer, Miss
h Daisv (Jessica TandvY The film is
i pretty sappy and, at times, tries to
MART
ARDE
an advanced scien- Plus a win
up to five simulta- No ma
is, performs complex matter wl
>ffers formula TI scienti
that's rig!
thing:
of you
now, a
ing sm;
I^y
tific an
your lo
' v 1
SOLAR, a general
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meone
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ree Me/? and a Baby, is a popular
jerk the tears right out of your eyeballs
but Rebecca liked it so I was
happy. At least, until the next day
when I had to drive all the way
back to Charlotte to take the video
back. C+
Well, that's the Video Vault. I
hope that wherever Rebecca Ann
Cornfield is, she's happy and has
found someone else to watch videos
with on Friday nights. I also
hope you, my loyal readership,
have learned something from what
I've written. If you ever want to
get mentioned in one of my articles,
you've got to hang out with
me. ABC ya!
ER
R.
iole lot more,
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