The gamecock. (Columbia, S.C.) 1908-2006, February 14, 1990, Page 4, Image 4
Carolina Life
CI n m o r* r\ r* L- Wednesday, February 14. 1990
1
Lot
9
a
Si USC prof
J- f
From staff reports
People want love. People
mance. People want to live ha
after.
But people often fail to re
without a lot of hard work, they
plug on their love connections.
"Being in love is like fannin
to keep it alive. You can't assur
fire will keep going," said Dr.
mann, a professor of clinical p
at USC who teaches a course or
chology of Marriage."
In his 17 years as a clinical
gist in Columbia, Kilman has
the subject of love and has <
numerous marital couples who
therapy when their relationshi
trouble.
"People don't take love
enough. This is true universal
why many people get divorcee
up their relationships," he said.
A relationship is like a con
enter it with a certain set of e>
on what you're willing to gn
what you expect to receive,
nately, people often don't kno
about what they really want to
contract work, he said.
Also, people don't want to a<
other's differences, Kilmann <
want the other person to think
be like us. But you have to <
possibility for change. People l
partners should stay the same. T
rarely happens," he said.
People feel that if they have
their relationships, however, i
sign of trouble. That's not nc
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ess or gives tips for
true, Kilmann said.
want ro- "People have conflicts. It's ine
ppily ever It's how you resolve the conflic
important. Couples in therap;
alize that reached the point where they're ui
'11 pull the resolve their conflicts," he said.
Individual partners ? and cou
ig a flame sometimes build their relationships
ne that the myths, including:
Peter Kil- If you loved me, you woul
isychology what I mean (what I want),
i the "Psy- Saying you can't listen to r
now means you don't care about m
pyscholo- You can't understand beca
researched don't feel the same way.
lealt with You won't love me if I <
end up in whh you.
ips are in Admitting that I'm wrong
that I'm weak.
seriously _ _ . , ,
ly That's ^or my P21"11101) can 1 chai
I or break * No matter what 1 do, my
will not leave me if he/she loves m
tract You Thus, it's no wonder that keep
.pectations flames burning in a relationship i
,q and m"ch a full-time job.
Unfortu- What a person does to show his
w enough love will often say more about h
make the person loves us, Kilmann said. '
the words 'I love you' is easy. ]
xept each tend to believe what we can see."
said. "We So, what can partners do to ke<
like us or lovealive?^
iccept the Take time to talk each day
ihink their let ?tber things take priority. T
hat rarely, eludes children, friends and other
You need a daily dose of contact,
conflict in Feel comfortable to expres;
hat it's a tisfaction when it's felt. Failure t
jcessasrily municate this feeling can lead to gr
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Learn to fight fairly, and don't be
svitable. afraid to fight. There is a greater risk of
t that's relationship problems if you don't fight,
y have Kilmann said. In disagreeing, however,
table to you shouldn't raise your voice or scream.
Treat your partner with respect A
pies ? partner is not an employee. Learn to be
around diplomatic, and think before you say anything
harsh.
d know Invest in caring behaviors ? doing
things to show vour nartner that vou
u y E? y
ne right care. Maintain an ongoing sensitivity to
ie. the other person's needs,
use you # Tell your partner what you like
about him/her. Everyone likes positive
lisagree feedback.
# Do something once a week that's
; shows special. You deserve this time alone.
Coordinate the roles in a relationship.
Discuss who will be responsible for
1ge- certain duties.
partner Communicate. Be open and honest
lf- instead of guarded and non-revealing.
>ing the Learn to say "I would like ..." or "I'm
s pretty unhappy when."
"Learning to make love work and
} or her maintaining love require a constant sensiiow
the tivity to oneself and one's partner," Kil'Saying
mann said.
But we
Over the years, the breathless excitejp
their ment and infatuation people experience
when they first fall in love may give way
. Don't to feelings of loving and liking the other
his in- person and a special sense of friendship,
family. trusting and caring.
"Love is great and you sure do need it
> dissa- for the relationship. But you need other
o com- things, too, for the package," Kilmann
udges. said.
WKKKtn
IT
CON
1990 METRO CONFERENC
UNIVERSITY OF SC
MAI
MISSISSIF
BILC
udent tickets for the 1990 Metro Conference I
cket Office, Rosewood Drive beginning Monda
>0.00 per book for the entire tournament. Studei
: student tournament tickets will end Wednesda
Snuggle \
during V;
By DAVID BOWDEN
Staff Writer
A o mrvtnoo crr\ T tViinU
rvj iiiuvivo x utiiiA.
mantic kind stink in genen
are usually melodramatic a
with no real substance. Tc
falling in love in these m
particularly bothersome.
Are we supposed to beli
two 18 year olds can get
and live happily ever aftei
ably they are going to ^
McDonald's, live in a ho
get divorced within a year.
My pessimism aside, tl
good movies that you cai
with your girl/boyfriend or
VCR. Here is a partial list:
# The African Queen: 1
vie is quite old, but it is ju:
joyable today. The chemi
tween Humphrey Bog:
Katherine Hepburn is very
As for romance, they i
some tender moments for
from the early '50s. Thei
raunchy sex or anything, t
let that stop you from v
this classic.
" Casablanca: Anothe
phrey Bogart picture and
the best film of all time
tainly has a lot of atrm
drama and the best love tri
be put on celluloid.
The end is sad, in a nici
way. Ingrid Bergman stanc
Bogart's love interest. Hai
lieve he put her on a plan
town.
Fatal Attraction: The
weet love story of Micha
glas and Glenn Close
ding. This movie is rather
watch with your significani
know from personal experi
# Moonstruck: This i
best picture of 1987. Sci
Last Emperor. This mo
beautiful. Some people d<
it because Cher is in it or
LaToya dei
By The Associated Press
KUALA XUMPUR, h
? A Valentine's Day co
LaToya Jackson has been
because her presence woul
the values of Malaysian
the Culture and Tourism
said Friday.
The department sec
Mukhtar Abdullah, said
who had posed nude in
I"
It brings 01
Screen \
Printing
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:e basketball
)UTHERN MISSISSIP
ICH 8, 9,10,1990
'PI COAST COLISEUM
1X1, MISSISSIPPI
vlen's Basketball Tournamen
y, February 19, 1990. Student
it I.D. card will need to be pi
y, February 28th.
vith your babe
dentine movies
the ro- P
David
'nd^iuy \ i bowden
onagers < ) the
?vieS is jtf Ik Box Office
eve that
married all of the characters are ethnic
r? Prob- New Yorkers,
work at Check your prejudices at the
vel and door because this movie is brili:?.
t. r. /? ?k/?
nam. iL 15 vciy luiiiiy ui uiv>
rere are best lines in years) and very roil
watch mantic. In other words, I liked it.
i the old # Say Anything: The best teenage
romance picture I can think of.
Tiis mo- John Cusack and lone Skye are
st as en- both rising stars. What is so nice
stry be- to see in this picture is that their
irt and relationship is so realistic,
good. Unfortunately, the plot around
do have their relationship strains belief,
a movie John Mahoney is terrific as Skye's
re is no father, but his character falls vic>ut
don't tim to an unnecessary plot twist
matching # sex, lies, and videotape: This
whole movie is about trust in a re;r
Hum- lationship. It is weird and sexy and
I maybe erotic. All four characters are in.
It cer- teresting people, and the movie
isphere, ends beautifully just like a '40s
iangle to movie.
If this movie doesn't make you
e sort of sweat, maybe you should try 9 7/2
Is out as Weeks, or maybe those movies in
d to be- the adults-only section,
e out of When Harry Met Sally: This
movie has gotten an awful lot of
i bitters- publicity and for good reason. It is
iel Dou- great. The movie version of
just kid- whether or not male-female friends
lousy to can be just friends. I guess the ant
other. I swer is no.
ence. Who would have thought Billy
vas the Crystal and Meg Ryan would
rew The make a good couple. This movie is
vie was funny and has such a sweet, joyful,
un't like romantic ending that it even makes
because jaded, evil movie reviewers smile.
lied performance
magazine last year, did not meet
^nlA?>n?A CAmA tV\A r?r\r?Hitir\nc imnocAH Kvr
'idld V >3 id JU1I1V V/l UIV V-V/liViXUlV/ll?J 1111|A/JVU \J J
ncert by the government on foreign artists
canceled performing in Malaysia. He did
d violate not say what these conditions
culture, were.
Ministry He said he was surprised the
promoter, Genesis Promotions,
:retary, went ahead with newspapers and
Jackson, television ads without getting the
Playboy ministry's approval.
JnitedVteu
f th& Midlands
Lit the best in all of us.
mm
expression
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