Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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I Parking ca witn a numerous amount of students raising heck over the parking situation, you'd think it was a major catastrophe. I here are people constantly complaining they have no place to park. They scream, insinuate and express various forms of displeasure. However, if they'd just realize that it's not where you park but how you park, the overcrowded situations would become a thing of the past and parking could be made enjoyable. The first i thing to anderstand is that driving a car is a game. You must drive fast in order to really appreciate it. Zooming around corners at 75 mph has all the suspense and excitement of jumping out of an airplane without a parachute. You never know whats going to happen. The highway department should set a minimum speed of 60 mph around the city and 95 on the highway. If people can't look forc/ StCCJI /% "* our (L tfify* frhtctm & tUtuic a/in Wm^^t^i^tm/6rmt w is m&mmtmiy 90 (C>1980. Jos Schlitz Brewing Co ft ' fttifh? by Mmmummmimtiwmm n be fun ward to the thrill of driving a car into a wall, then there's something wrong with society. It's wrong to follow rules of traffic when everyone knows they apply to the time period 1967-75. New rules should be made to accommodate our changing society. The second thing students have to know is that there's plenty of space around. Just crowd in. For instance, the other day I was driving my '76 Vega Lemon around campus and was late for 2 o'clock class. It was 6 p.m. and I was getting nervous. So I zipped my vehicle down college street, crashed the sidewalk and parked safely in the reflection pond. It's unusual that nobody else parks in there. On another occassion, I hnrrnvuoH a frinnH'c trnr?L wv/i i v/ t? vv? u it u vi and wanted to park by the library. Rather than circle five minutes for a spot until a car pulled oit, I left the truck in the middle of the rxorlrinrt 1 pai tvui?3 IUI.. vj en | mpany, Milwaukee. Wl Muuik pfcttie eeewwwwwweweeeeee* i In order to park ef ficiently, you have to un^arcfonH thn mirn^e r*f tVin UVt OUL41IV4 V1IV 1U1I1UO VI V* IV/ people who give out tickets ? the Parking Mafia. They are composed of 876 sinister figures disguised as middleaged women. I've seen or.c of these mobsters actually give a violation to a student and later heard that the same student has been found at the bottom of the ocean, buried in their cars. These people can be violent, indeed, but once you get your name on their list, you can expect members of your family to suddenly disappear or your favorite pet be made to swallow a "P" narkint* ~ "'"o * In order to fight these criminals, one must be ready to risk his life for the parking cause. It may be your life, but in the scheme of things, how important is life when parking is a consideration? Take my advice, there are nine easy tips to follow in * J? it. _ i i t /? avoiding me neaaacnes 01 parking. i; y/t~* ^Thes 1 n_ nanuie co One real-world lesson you' school is the importance of ity. Time you spend doing part of the problem is time spend learning concepts. A Tfexas Instruments pi calculator will help make > lime more productive. And help you move into the worl fessional. A world where kr concept is only part of th< Bringing out the answer ] working knowledge of a personal calculator. Economical TI Business with Statistics and advar Texas Instrumei ^ 1%0 Jexas inslfumeois incor pouted I TIP NO. 1: Park wherever you like. There's no sense in parking two blocks from a class when you can illegally have your car closer to the door of your class. TIP NO. 2: Try and take up two spots whenever necessary or convenient. It's silly to cram into one spot when two will give you euuugu room iu open your car door wide and leave the car in comfort. Think of how you're saving another guy that scratch on his door from parking too close. TIP NO. 3: Always save an old ticket and put it on the windshield of your car. That way, the Parking Mafia will overlook a car that has already been ticketed. Just to be on the safe side, leave four or five taped all over the car. TIP NO. 4: If there's a driver waning ior a spoi while a man's pulling out, cut around him and secure the spot. He may yell a little bit, but you were quicker and a more skilled driver. TIF NO. 5: In order to fit between two cars which have a two foot space between them, start a block away, hit the gas and when . ft., w 1 t w AN-ci" V* m m 4m m 1W ALDLULLK IF ^UBB v agasWflflftrai^rg^ nilfjf 9 . / ?e twoTI calci urses in math Ik. T 1 i\ow, and in t 11 learn in ness functions. productiv- Pre-programthe math med with busi1 you can't ness functions for time-value ofessional of money, statisrour study tics, profit marit can also gin. And other Id of a pro- problems you'll ei towing the business school. O i solution. elude percent, s requires a |>owers. Its 140-j powerful Money Managem< has step-by-stej Analyst-I sample problems, iced busi- with every BA I. vis technology ? britigin\ Texas Ins INCORP you're right on top of the spot, turn the wheel sharply and flip the car on its side, fitting nearly into the space. This maneuver takes a little bit of skill but it can be done. I've seen it done on all the cartoons. TIP NO. 6: Save all your tickets until the cost of the fine becomes greater than the worth of the car. Then sell some poor sucker the car without telling him about the tickets and let the Parking Mafia deal with hirn. TIP NO. 7: Tell the parking mafia that the i??* Palmetto Gold Buying Service 1)? you need money? Come see us first. We pay great priees. Buying School Kings,- * *' Jewelry, Silver, Watches Coins, Anything of Value Palmetto Gold Buying Service *43:* Devine St. 787-4H8<? j M|K'ii < : ?(> n.ui.-r?:00 p.m. Moil.-Sill. n r \ wt ilators can he] i, in science. 01 , 7 he real world. "SET ?* *? -? with L?V, *&?, mabil I CJ ' >?2 0^17/ easyer W - vi) S-7 / tions, 1C fife aga*' p0^./' thesis, ti "-v programr iicounter in tor Decisi ther capabilities in- $4 95 vaj, quares, logs, and power pre >age book, "Keys to $ee the i?nt"(a $4.% value), calculators ) instructions plus bookstore It's an extra value ivwimarku Incorporated. affordable electronics to TRUMENTS OR A I L L> tickets accummulated by illegally parking are the car's fault and you'll see that it's punished. TIP NO. 8: Park at one 01 President Holderman's 25 spaces and claim you're an ambassador from Guatemala. If they catch on, paint your car green and change the license plates to "USC ONE". TIP NO. 9: Wine and dine me iemaie members of the Parking Mafia. Tell them you'!! supply them with the names of other wrongdoers and compliment them on their shiny black shoes. SB AR 101 HHf Ipyou r business. TI-55 advanced slide rule statistics and programlity. ipable calculator has AOS itry system, statistical func) memories, 9 levels of parenrig, powers and roots, plus liability. Its book, "Calcula V?| kinil I'CUUWR Vi* ue), helps you get all the -programmed into the TI-55. whole line of TI hlt\ V\u\ , ..> _?n "> ill yuur college mnovamn or other retailer. . I /** \ fTVxus Instruments > your fingertips. 45731