The gamecock. (Columbia, S.C.) 1908-2006, March 19, 1979, Page Page 10, Image 10
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If you're not particularly fond of
the beach (and you call yourself a
college student!), you may have
some problem finding something
to do during Spring Break. To keep
you from just sitting around and
watching Hollywood Squares all
week, we present this handy list of
things to do. You can make up
some of vonr nwn if vnn want hut if
they're funnier than mine, I don't
want to see them.
1. Count your fingers.
Remember to count the finger
you're counting with.
2. Calculate the square root of
two. Then find somebody who
cares.
3. Go to your local public library,
hide behind one of the shelves, and
imitate a book.
4. Set your home town on fire. Or,
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few innocent babies.
5. Write a hit song. Appear on
Saturday Night Live and win fame
and fortune. Then go disco.
6. Become dependency wealthy.
7. Read all the fine print on your
gas cards.
8. Cut all the page numbers out of
your magazines, just as a
challenge.
9. Build your own hydrogen
bomb and hold Columbia hostage.
uemana $2.45 in ransom; no one
will pay any more.
10. Go back to your high school
and rape your least favorite
teacher.
11. Join the Kill the Ugly
movement.
12. Start a bookmark collection.
Be very bored.
13. Be very bored anyway.
14. Write hate mail to Kristy !
McNichol.
15. Fill in all the "o's" in your
dictionary.
16. Buy a dictionary.
17. Sell everything you own
(including the dictionary) and
become a hermit On sprnnH
thought, don't sell yourself short.
18. Write a letter to the Pope
asking him to officiate at your
brother's bar mitzvah.
19. Write a letter to the editor
about tacky religious jokes.
20. Now count your toes. If you
can't reach them, go on a diet.
21. Learn how to play the
haterxrvn 'I'hnn ?1?
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cares.
22. Learn how to play cricket.
HINT: it does not involve rubbing
your legs together.
23. Sharpen every pencil you can
find into nonexistence. Sprinkle the
shavings on your mother's coconut
cake.
24. Change all vour moncv intn
pennies. Buy a house with them.
25. Start your own symphony
orchestra.
26. Buy a baton.
27. See who you get when you
play "Yankee Doodle" on your
Touch-Tone telephone.
I LONDON THIS SUMMER I
Fnur i r? - I
I terdisciplinary course, \
I credit/audit. $1200 inI
eludes tuition, dorm ]
I room, two meals daily, I
I excursions, air fare. Be j
I more than a tourist! Get to
I know London while you ]
I learn. Trans-Atlantic
I Cultural Studies,
7
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28. Invite Billy Joel to your little
sister's piano recital.
29. Translate the works of
Shakespeare into Morse code.
30. Be bored some more.
Qi - * - " ' ' 11
6i. aiapie your iainer 10 me wan.
32. Grow accustomed to
someone's face.
33. Conduct stock car races in
your back yard.
34. Figure out why you're going 1
to college.
35. Justify that to your parents. '
36. Try to start an 1830s revival.
37. Write graffiti on a fat person 1
you know.
38. Invite Billy Joel to your little 1
sister's school play.
39. Write a bestselling novel. (
Write a disappointing second effort.
^
40. Write a letter. "B," "E," and 1
"Q" haven't been taken.
41 SnmP pn^hantod m;oninrt eon f
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a stranger across a crowded room.
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RE SI
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professionally
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42. Become President of Studen
Government. Then find somebod
who cares.
43. Go to a fancy ball dressed a
Squiggy.
44. Look up "concupiscence" ii
your new dictionary.
45. Look up "infundibuliform."
46. Look! Up in the sky!
47. Revive your hate for leftove
meatloaf.
48. Offer your little sister to Bilh
Joel as a human sacrifice.
49. Cure the common cold.
50. Cure cancer.
51. Cure stupidity.
52. Discover your roots. If yoi
have any, you've been standing
there too long.
53. Get a job as teller in a sperrr
Dank.
54. Write another letter to the
editor.
55. Join the "Stop Continental
Drift" movement.
56. Join the Anti-Movement
Tiovement.
57. Read this column over and
n er again, thinking it hilarious.
58. Heap showers of praise on the
vriter. Mention his name in high
places.
59. Share this list with your
riends.
60. Find some new friends.
ary Sounds
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