Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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Satire by T^ynl Don Fobes J?iA.v/1 Ground hog Day? is winter nearly over This is SUPh a vital moHor ^ ?. , >?uvwk uiai uic vji editorial staff decided to send a reporter on For the past 48 hours, our man-on-the-scene I gamely guarding what he perceives to be i i hog hole. If the hole is authentic, and if the li i comes out, the Gamecock will have a real j the first ground hog exclusive in historv I how it's going: ! Reporter: "Mr. Ground Hog, nice to see y\ time no see. By the way, seen your shadow GH: "Nope, what's it to you, Mr. Snoop' Reporter: "Well, that means winter's aln* If you had seen it, you'd have to go imdergr six more weeks." GH: "You're era TV man All it moanc n J , . 1> H1V41 1 W IO U clouds covering the sun." Reporter: "But, Mr. Ground Hog. renowned for your metereological prowess. ] Ground Hog Day. Your shadow, or lack of it, page stuff." GH: "So what? Are there any bucks in it Naw, I'd be better off on Let's Make a Dea crawling out of my comfy hole for ; rigamarole. Didn't you know all ground h manic depressives? That's why we sleep s< The only reason I make these appeara because of tradition I'm nnit? conHmonfoi _ _ _ ? ... ^|vuw uviiuiiivitiai at Reporter: "I didn't realize that." 1 T 7 1 Notices or Naughty ning of the students kss ^ trays? steal trays jg?? dormitory It's time for a spanking, kiddies.. n | We've all been bad little boys and bJieve the , fpol favnr You see, kiddies, what we did rnii;n<y aiH i wrong was not return our little red trays to the Gamecock Snack bar qtlirriinp^after we used them. After the nice . t ' people at University Dining Ser- oi-too-s vices were kind enough to provide roll down U us with this little convenience, we quietly at tl went and abuse our privilege. Isn't, later. Gosh, it "i 11C t lil/n tie 1"" ** J* juui nnt uo aiuucuid : umy one QI Qameoock 0,113(31 , Founded 1908 Mark J. Lundgren Editor in Chief i Don Fobes Copy Desk Chief Tom Travis News Editor David Baker Entertainment Editor Mfjj Brett Friediander Sports Editor MfYy if/ Dave Roback Graphics Editor Barbara Mathews . . . . Wire Editor . Jim Phillips Editorial Page Editor Leigh Grogan Assistant News Editor I \ t Lehman Stiles. Assistant Entertainment Ed. / ^ Mike Chib6a.ro .... Assistant Sports Editor \ Janice Wood Graduate Assistant Jill Griff In Advertising Manager Fran George Production Manager r ? J juii v-itrmmenson oetierai Manager / I Ssm McKm Business Manager ^^T" Mark Ethridoe Jr. . ..Adviser I Sole reproduction right* granted to the ] Associated Press. All other material con- mm / talned herein may not be reprinted without the permission of the editor. Opinions expressed In the Gamecock are f \ those, if signed, of the writer end, If un- ? signed, of the senior editorial staff. 1 usive mie or not? GH: "Course not, nobody care amecock Actually, my correct title is wo location. People don't even have the dece; has been right name." i ground ReDorter: "I care Rpnllv T < ttJe fella GH: "I'm deeply touched." scoop ? Reporter: "Tell me. What's j jet's see GH: "I'm lonely. Haven't months." xi. Long Reporter: "I guess your sex today?" when you come out of hibernal a 9 ? ? - - ? : . UH: "You said a mouthful ast over, tempting at first. My sight's not ound for One time I hopped on a skunk by ever sex was obscene, that wa: here are Reporter: "Do you feel you prophetic qualities or powers?' You're GH: "Are you kidding? Let mc Fph 9 ic tn rr?\7 (wtlria I Kof Ji- ? . w M w inj MWIV1V/ JL kA/l U1C UU11U1C UI is front Bowl .I'd love to get my choppers Reporter: "I didn't know you 1 for me? watch the game?" I. I hate GH: "Sure. I had the best sea all this under the goalposts. Practic ogs are burrowing to Miami, though. Th 1 rrtimh Vnn pomomKflr mhon T1 ~ ...MV**. * vrv. a VAIlVlliMVi VT11UI r i ailV^U JTi nces is open field? That was my doing heart." derneath him. Too bad I didn' brothers along to help out ; we c i the cash registers at surface of the trays m p tell us that there were ficult to reclaim the the eatery the begin- which remains after t i fall semester; now act of rolling the divine ver than 20. What ever on, dining services, r all those nice little red smooth next time. A number of the littl< e spotted most of them were also found on the tl gentlemen's laps in Russell House by AR> rnnmc MiViiln f W ~ rv: * mine mc vitca ciujjiu^ce uiane l rolled marijuana 60 to be exact. Severa rhese persons seem to reported seeing stud snack bar did them a members throwing the The gift of a joint- the West wing hallway i s a fine present. of ritual callcd "be rave about their editors." The winner durability and small, reported. They have mall, size. Loose seeds spotted in various worl .e tilted tray and land darkrooms around car le bottom to be saved P1?!*8 exce^en^ bolder what a device! There's screws and wet pi awback, the textured Several resourceful n?mmL^j , |SMACK BAR J| J "X WONDER WHAT rview rev< s about ground hogs Steelers ragged." odchuck or marmot. Reporter: "What ncy to call me by my besides football? " GH: "Girl watchi io." drive. Well, I got th< pop the little head fi rour biggest gripe?" care if they're wee seen a woman for vantagepoint, I see natural, considering drive's in full crp?r <?o~ --- ?. _ _ ? 0~?- Avcpvi ici. ou, yu :ion." Bet that full beard . Even rabbits are too good, you know. gh : "That's not mistake. Brother. If fur. It covers the v s the time." sider it standard c have any genuine fairer sex. Sometir neck from looking j tell you. I'm in hock purchase. It's eith i Dallas in the Super chiropractor." s in those Cowboys." like football. Did you Reporter: "If you A . 4, , . , what would it be?" T lfi fnA hAiion rtV+l v... ".v. ..wiwc, iirih GH: "That's eas> ally killed myself Reporter: "Well, lat's a iotta digging. learned a lot today [arris tripped in the were such sensitive . Popped a hole un- GH: "Sure, Snooj t have some of the ladies lately?" ould have run those akes it dif- were also reported carrying ^ o V"v dust-dope trays to their homes in colder he coveted climates for use in the act of sliding joint. Come down icy or snowy hills. Good idea, nake them Other students have saved a pair of these red trays for use as snow > rprf rlpvik Shoes, when and if snow ever iiird floor of mes_t0 ?ur Jair city. Aren't wc \ food ser- siuarir rouis. About what would we ever do without 1 observers wonderful Gamecock Snackent media ^ar pirst they raise the prices on trays down their tasty and ample food. Second, n some sort have faithfully kept up their >wl;ng for. time-honored tradition of extrawas never sjow service. And now, they give us also been presents of little red trays. Gosh, kshops and what nice people! npus. They s for nuts, Well, although Christmas came lotographs. early in 1978, the people at the l students snacKDar are revoking their happened id them ? ra.lsa.ll! ; other interests do you have ng. I told you about my big sex 5 inside track, so to speak. I just om the turf and gaze up. I don't iring jeans or what. FYom my i it all. I'm a leg man ? only \ my perspective." u're a real ladies' man, are you? turns em on." a beard, Gomer. That's genuine vhole bod. We ground hogs conxjuipment. Getting back to the nes I get terrible cricks in the up. I?m pondering a periscope ler that or back to the local had one wish ? just one wish ? /. I'd ask for a steamshovel." thanks, Mr. Ground Hog. I've . I never imagine^ ground hogs i, intelligent creatures." ). No sweat. You seen any foxy ~ generosity. They want their trays back. It is doubtful that many of these red objects will be returned, but those students who realize that they were only a loan and not a gift may return some of them. The operators of the snackbar made one mistake, though, in this whole project of providing trays. They shouldn't have made them so attractive ahd available; students ...Ml ?- r* ' * ... win np-on anyinmg which they find useful or amusing. The snackbar should have provided disposable, paper trays for the use of its patrons. Then, it wouldn't have more than 580 plastic trays missing; their patrons would still have trays to use. Really, we could have done without the presents. ?Game-cock ?ri