Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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Satire by Don Fobes Senseless, senseless, senseless. I stood shaking with severe nicotine! withdrawal symptoms. The vending machine before me was loaded with cigarettes, but I had no ammunition ? a classic case of the great Carolina silver shortage, or, "where have al the change machines gone? " As I unconsciously rolled my dollar bill into the shape of a Marlboro, I mulled over the mentality that proffers goodies of so many ckotxoc nmrl f -1 onctp^o auu sues, uui piuviucs su icw cnange machines. My conjecture is that the university is senseless. What does the Gamecockian higher echelon really fear? Perhaps, officials remember occurrences at Silver University in Las Vegas several years ago. Silver U., if you recall, like Carolina, had a paucity of change machines. Until the dav of the student silver strike. That day, the students confiscated all university silverware and melted it down. Not only that, they covered every vending machine with green bills, and the camouflage was so complete that hungry professors and administrators couldn't locate the delicacy dispensers. From there on in it was all downhill for the Silver students. Well, almost. Change machines mofori nlir/oH all mmr - aMvvt tuitiivu uu \J V VI V.aillpU(3 , ill litLl Ull proliferation was so great, each student had ar individual, monogrammed machine. Yearbook edit To the Editor: Last fall after seeing the Garnet & Black I applied 1 Editor-in-chief, for the position of organizations edit school year. It was not that I thought last year's book wanted to be associated with it. I was just so unh thought I could do a better job. Little did I know I w put up with last year's book. I am endeavoring along as good a job as can be done. I ask for only two thir __ _ 1 S START r~*\" here L^y. f Rk9|JhHH^ i Silver' \ J As so often happens, however, the pendulum swung too far. Classes were cut because elated students spent all day making change. It didn't really matter, since university personnel stood shoulder-to-shoulder with students. Everyone seemed infected with silver fever, in the true i Las Vegas tradition. Eventually the school was converted to a 1 casino. As I said, the pendulum swung too far. Notwithstanding the sordid affair of Silver U, why can't we have a moderate supply of coinmakers at Carolina? USC could even profit by an increase. Changers could be rigged to return 95 cents on the dollar. After all, when the munchies strike, they pull no punches. Who'd complain about a measly nickel down the drain? Not I. i m 1 ?_ _U At a ?< ? - i ouay s situation ai Carolina reminds me of a ; story I swear is true. A limpid desert traveler came upon a vending machine filled to the gills i with gourmet goodies. But, once again I hate to f say, there was no change machine. So, the i wayfarer pulled a sweat-stained, heavily soiled I dollar from his khakis, stuffed it in his camel's I mouth and pulled the animal's tail. No result I other than a bespattered face. His Arab guide, r visibly upset at such camel abuse, shouted, I1T\ 11 J ' ? * " ; uon i aeposu aouars in aesert dromedaries." Words to live by. i The next time you stand salivating before 5 those steely sentinels of sodas, smokes and ; sweets, remember that Arabic dictum. If you, i like me, feel shortchanged, complain to your local dean. Tell him it's a time for change. ;or requests infc break and keep us informed as to do not know what is going on we to Diane Lipkin, the have an answering system on m; tor fnr the 1Q7R-1Q7Q niffht and leave a message ns tn \j ; was so great that I My home phone number is 777-449; appy with it that I yearbook office phone. If we worl 'as going to have to we had last year. I can not do it ale : with my staff to do Chuck Eagon igs. First, give us a Organizations Editor, Garnet an i ??r ?-i | 9m fmmmmmmrn?mmmmmmm I I r r~^ L I <?I I _ _ r ] LJ1 Lf d?r=LT Productic I /?/? 7 7 stajj lac Ki To the Editor: Young, ambitious, idealistic ? th< our editor and his staff. But realisti reality only after graduation from co statement must be made in defense c or "floaters." Your oianket put-do^ warranted and unreasonable. The fortunate to receive some very comp< fail to realize that even an excellent form flawlessly at an unfamiliar ty] one day. i Might I add that the production . despite your inferences to the contr | sitive people around, nor the only ov< j ? at least until graduation ? but t< please. Fran George Production Manager, Gamecock Gays enco bv USC cl To the Editor: Let me refer to a miscellaneous ad on page 15 of the Sept. 8 i Gamecock. This ad has been in one or two past issues. It requests the interest of gays in chartering a gay organization here on campus. )rmation what your organization is doing. If we can not cover it. I have arranged to y phone so anyone might call day or rtien they have something happening. 3 and I can be reached at 777-4170; the k together we can avoid the problems me. d Black @)GoLrnficoc,k =m - "?I ! ?n iv MO U * reality ese are words that aptly describe ic? No, for most of us experience illege. (Just you wait.) I feel that a >f university temporary personnel, am of these staff members is unproduction department has been stent assistance from floaters. You t typist cannot be expected to peruwaHincI monkina in tVia nnimia nf ^WVVVIAI^ II1UVIU1IV AAA UAV VUIUOV VI staff is concerned with quality, ary. Writers are not the only senerworked ones. Keep your idealism ;mper the criticisms with realism, uraged larterY On Sept. 6, during lunch hour, I had a most disturbing experience with a short mustached gay. He came into the men's restroom on the first floor of the Russell House and began peering into the stalls at the people using them. When I came bursting out of mine, he tried to make out as if he had just entered the room and faked using a urinal. For my own part, I would not find it very pleasant to see USC charter an organization that would (pnH tn onr>/Miporto cimVt tuunU wtwvu ?5V OUVI1 pcupic. With strength in numbers and somewhat of an official sanction, these sick people would become even bolder. Name withheld on request gamecock Founded 1908 1 Mark J. Lundgren Editor In Chief Don Fobes Wire Editor Jim Phillips News Editor Barry J. Glenn (Entertainment Editor Mike Hunt Sports Editor Stephen McGormack Graphics Editor Mitch Sherwood Copy Desk Chief Judy Sims Editorial Page Editor Janice Wood Graduate Assistant Caryn Jacobl Assistant News Editor Brett Friedlander... Assistant Sports Editor Skot Garrlck Assist Ent. Editor jilt Griffin Ad Manager Fran George Production Manager Jon Clemmensen General Manager Sam Mc Kee Business Manager The Gamecock welcomes letters from Its readers. Letters should be a maximum of 300 words and must be signed with the writer's correct name. Pseudonyms or other aliases are not acceptable, but the writer s name will M withheld if requested and circumstances warrant. Please Include the telephone number and mailing address where you can be reached to assist us In verifying the identity of the writer. Also, Include class standing and rnalor. We reserve the right to edit all letters for space limitations, bur not for content. Please address letters to: Campus Opinion, The Gamecock, Drawer A, USC, Columbia, S.C. 2*208. Opinions expressed in the Gamecock are those. If signed, of the writer and, if un signed, of the senior editorial staff.