The gamecock. (Columbia, S.C.) 1908-2006, September 13, 1978, Page Page 14, Image 14
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conflicting
By Ellen Goodman
TTie Boston Globe
BOSTON ? I think it was Rebecca West who
once described this society as one in which
middle-aged men run around comnlaininiz
about their mothers. But from the look of the
best-seller list, where "My Mother, Myself" is
spending its gestation period, we seem to be a
nation where grown-up women are running
around ruminating about their mothers.
Fortunately, the author of this book. Nancv
I Friday, is no sticky-fingered whiner like
PoHnoy. Her book makes at least one direct hit
a chapter. Is there a mother alive, for example,
who wouldn't brush her daughter's hair
From her eyes before she walked up to the
podium to pick up her Nobel Prize? Is there a
daughter who hasn't felt loved, comforted and
yet infuriated and trapped by her mother's
ability to "know" what she's fee 1 ing ? even
3,00 miles away?
The incidents, the sensations and experiences
of the women in this book often ring true.
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nagging feeling that something is missing.
Friday's complaint is about maternal
possessiveness, the inability of a mother to let
go and of a daughter to get free. But she lacks
the perspective that can only come from being
a mother as well as a daughtrer.
From the title to the end, Friday, a confirmed
non-parent, presents a one-sided view of a twoway
relationship. It is, therefore, for me, as
flawed as a one-sided explanation of a car
accident.
It is perhaps impossible to fully portray
symbiosis or the drama of dependency without
a sense of the wrenching, overpowering life
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American child-raising values lead us
only to function as young, independent adults in
the years between our childhood and our
parenthood.
But children, no matter how planned, no
matter how longed for, come into most of our
lives as a crisis of chance. There is an almost
physical shock ? the shock of responsibility,
Lthe shock of infant dependency.
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Kids arrive bearing baggage full of nightmares
about neglect and aaytime terrors of
guilt. We begin to do things we once laughed at
? making midnight breathing checKs and
mental lists of what can go wrong.
Whole highways of feeling are suddenly.
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options are suddenly, temporarily, closed. We
become responsible. We see the world as a far
more treacherous place. We train ourselves to
keep danger in childproof bottles. We turn our
lives, like Cinderella-s, around time clocks and
are self-disciplined into putting the needs of
another above our own.
Parenting does not, at least these days, come
naturally. No matter how softened by love, it
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shock of infant dependence, but the
simultaneous notion that the business of a
"successful" parent is to raise strong, independent
people. Just like we were.
Travelling through parenthood we hear not
only warnings about the evils of neglect and the
ends of smothering, but other voices ? our
children. It isn't only the parents who act and
the children who react. It is a fluid and rich and
complicated interaction.
I'm convinced that it is as difficult fnr a
growing child to acknowledge and accept the
separate life of a parent as it is for a parent to
aclknowledge that in a child. Our children want
us to be totally available but never demanding,
totally dependable but never dependent.
So, together we lurch througn the mutual
experience of childhood and parenthood.
Together we struggle to calibrate the an
propriate distance Between suffocating symbiosis
and neglect.
We try to find a way to hold each other, to hug
without grasping. This process, as difficult as it
is eternal, isn't just a matter of My Mother,
Myself. It flows on and on...My Mother,
Myselfl My Daughter...a story that can only
grow richer with sequels.
(c) 1978, The Boston Globe Newspaper Company
? Washington Post Writers Group
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Operators servef
To the editor:
I find since last year that USC operators are basically still the same
way they were a year ago ? inconsiderate, ill-informed and uncooperative.
Not long ago, l asked for a number to a certain department at the
university and I was told by the USC operators, that the number was
in my directory. Well, operators, if you don't know by now, there are at
least some 32 to 40 blind students on campus who are not able to read
anything that is in print unless the print is raised like braille dots.
Naturally this excludes directories.
I didn't tell her anything this time, but the next time I call and ask
for a number, she should ask me why I didn't look the number up in my
student directory, then I can say it would do me no good since all
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If the university payed for just one directory to be published in braille,
although this would be time consuming, they would be doing people like
myself and others on campus who are not able to see, a great favor. The
university should have one of its several thousand print copies put in
braille and eliminate operators altogether. They are of little or no
service. Therefore, the university is wasting money. Furthermore, the
operators probably would not even have their jobs if it were not for
people in my predicament, and I'm sorry operator, but it wasn't my
fault that I happen to be blind. Wouldn't it be nice if they just had one in
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If an operator's job is not to be of service to people like myself, then I
would like someone to tell me exactly what their job is. Most of the time
they don't even answer the phone when someone rings their number.
Jose Duvall
Journalism Senior
T~? _i j_ i n
r\,esiueni, commenas an
To the editor:
I would like to give thanks and appreciation through this letter to
those people who initiated and followed through with the replacement of
Horseshoe (Rutledge)residents (who were displaced due to renovation)
into the newly renovated Horseshoe dorms, namely Desaussure. All
Rutledge residents interested in "footing the bill" were contacted in the
summer, told the dorms would be ready and were asked if they wanted a
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, v? iicuu wuiiv unu money nas gone inio uiese
dorms making them the best dorms on campus.
I appreciate and thank Dr. James B. Campbell for his help; furthermore,
1 especially thank David McCauley, the associate director of
housing, for his time and hard work in coordinating and administrating
the follow through of the replacement. Special thanks is
also given, at least by me, to Cynthia Forrest, the area coordinator of
the Horseshoe last year. Sudhir Sohoni has also done his best in
managing the Horseshoe fnr tho nact co?o?-oi :?1
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all unmentioned such as construction workers, secretaries, etc.
| Mike Rohrabaugh
Psychology, History Major
... 1 Qamecock
" ' I Founded 190* I
Mark J. Lundgren Editor In Chief
Don Fobes Wire Editor
\ | Jim Phillips New* Editor
Afjl Barry J.Glenn Entertainment Editor
UIIP?* Mike Hunt Sports Editor
.mrnVW Stephen McCormack Graphics Editor
Mitch Sherwood Codv Desk Chief
^ _ 4^ } Judy Sims Editorial Page Editor
Janice Wood Graduate Assistant
_ *" "? CarynJacobl Assistant News Editor
*mmm v. Brett Friedlander.. Assistant Sports Editor
* ?? ?"A i - Skot Garrlck Assist Ent. Editor
Jill Grltfin Ad Manager
Fran George Production Manager
jot ciernmensen General Manager
Sam McKee Business Manager
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