Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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USC] By Jack Sowell In these days when the univer sity is receiving so much criticism from the students, it is advisable to remind oneself of the many things the university does provide. Minorities do receive a goodly deal of attention from the university, but perhaps you don't know about these services: 1) The university has installed many new lights of campus, so the the muggers and rapists won't waste their time on unfavorable prospects; 2) The Harold Brunton Memorial Bridge was constructed Panden Grass 0: Pri ati Nowy gradua studen simple: Advisi E,rovid( (so far, only partially) for the benefit of the suicidally inclined. Although the suicide has to jump off a shrub, he has two op portunities to be killed, either by the fall or the traffic. Among the more well-known services are: the Student Government Association, where incipient (and insipid) fascists, liberals, and general incompetents can make themselves heard to each other; the Russell House Theater, where passive people can entertain themselves; and, of course, those great institutions, the Gamecock and WUSC, where bores and potential alcoholics can gather Lonium: n Gibbes Avoid th( e-enrolilno 'egistratioi Du can pre-enroll in y te December '74; or a t. You still have to g< sment is April 8-26. S Graduating Sei Seniors Juniors Sophomores Freshmen Late advisemeri Graduate Students<4 'ake some tune i as Som Page4 Thursday, April 11,1974 and make themselves heard or read. A strange occurence took place the other day. Now that the shock has died down, the facts can finally be exposed. Masses of students flocked into Russell' House to announce-, in unison, that out of nowhere grass, real golf-course styled grass, was seen growing on Gibbes Green. Pandemonium struck. Hadn't we been told that no grass would grow there, which was why the concrete crew had been called in? All is not kosher on the home front. An immediate plea was put in to the Harold Brunton Memorial Mall Crew to hurry up and get the concrete a'pouring. Certainly, after years of trying toconvinceus that the lack of grass was because of nature's contempt for higher 2 registrat: w - save y< 1. our major courses; ii ny undergraduate c( > to the Coliseum at i ee your advisor at th riiors A A A itA :an get advised any t: rmw - it'll save v4 .e Servi And one must not forget the multitude of games available a USC and its environs for en tertainment. There are, among others, Find the Parking Space Local Hot Action (at the Campu Club, Don's, Etc.), Pass-Ou (provided by the S.G.A. an various dorms several times a year), Go Deaf (brought to yoi courtesy of Contemporary Sounds , and Get a Modern Work of Ar Published (the Crucible). And then there is Burning the Digestive System at Both Ends (under the supervisionof the University Dining Service) . One of the most popular games is Dodge the Cars, which is available knowledge, we can't be proven right this late in the game. It's been rumored that the National Guard has been called in to put a halt to this obviously subversive activity. As if the riots of the 70's weren't bad enough now we have a true tragedy to deal with. We are not capable to deal with a catastrophe of this magnitude. Students only know about one kind of grass - and it ain't green. Another news bulletin just arrived! Someone, somewhere, told a reliable source that a flying round object was seen over the area. At first we thought it was Johnny Appleseed but it turned oul ion rush urseif a h i all of your courses i )urses if you're a gra egistration, but it'll Le correct time: pril8 and 9 pril 10Oandl11 pril 12,15,16 pril 17, 18,19 Lpril 22,23,24,25 Lpril 26 ime during April 8-2 DU some time la Lees... on Green Street. This particular game was much more exhilarating 6n Pickens Street, but since it is still available 'at Green, one can't complain. By this point, subscribers, you t may well think that the University has something for everyone. However, this is not quite so. While the university was constructed for masochists, there really isn't an organization for sadists, unless you consider the athletic department as such. There is very little that our great university does not provide, except possibly education. But, with so many distractions, no one seems to have noticed this deficit. to be aliens from another planet. They kept yelling "More land, naore trees" and thousands joined in the chant. But their cries went unheeded. They were all put o committees and have not bee heard from since.. So the aliens are gone, except that one rather symbolic incident took place before they left. One of the little men stepped out of the space ship and said he was going to count the blades of grass before he left. He was through in 2 minutes. And as their space ship soared high above the campus, the smoke left a trail that wrote this message in the sky: It's not nice to fool with' Mother Nature. assle ,f you'll duate be much ~6. ter.