OPI
"It Is a newsp
the news,
-Wilbu
Chica%
More
A Student Government
passed into the grubby paw
release SGA rationalizes
State Student Legislature
The USC delegations fir
credentials committee at
University and Benedict 1
schools had not applied
secretary Trev Williams ai
is quoted as saying that A
their application forms ur
efficiency strikes again. I
"The USC delegation fell
political tool for the persc
legislation of significance t
aw, come off it. That thf
should be saying that is a
proverbial glass state houq
"Mike Bolivar, a USC deli
was seated as far away
possible to prevent the two I
one another on legislatic
ridden? And since when ha
way to USC and Clemson d
"The USC delegation stz
upon to help lobby for bills
delegation had been virtual]
of SCSSL although USC is I
well as the host school in
prestige of being the larges1
lost its shine. The smallei
impressed. And why shoul,
School", Allen, Benedict, aj
city. They could manage
The USC argument is sti
full of holes. USC's walkout
that lobbying organization,
the walkout amount to not]
tantrum on the part of thos4
just upset because they dor
used to.Theycan't strong-ai
cording to the news release
release adds that Jimmy H
SCSSL, was a delegate fro
Oh, well, what does it mat
Letteri
Although the GAMEi
letters received, prefe
typed and under 200
anonymous letters, alti
for valid reasons. WNh
letters will be printed
letters will be printed.
wee
URk
o TRU
THE COR1'
STftAWBI
nion.
oper's duty to print
and raise hell."
r F. Storey,
o Tribune
SCSSL
Association news release has just
s of the editorial staff. In this news
ts walkout on the South Carolina
last weekend.
st complaint was that the SCSSL
first refused to seat the Allen
College delegations because thos
for membership in time. SGA
i authority on punctuality it seems
Ilen and Benedict did not receive
itil after the deadline. Oh, well
his does not seem too far-fetched.
t that SCSSL was being used as a
inal gain of the officers and that
students had been shoved aside"
USC student government group
little like throwing rocks in the
;e.
agate, said that the USC delegation
from the Clemson delegation as
arge schools from conferring with
n" -were all those people bed
s that stupid football rivalry given
iing anything important together?
ted that it was never once called
that it had helped write. The USC
y eliminated from the proceedings
he largest school in the state as
Columbia for the conference"-the
t school in the state has apparently
colleges are obviously no longer
[I they be? As for being the "Host
id Columbia College are all in this
quite well.
11 full of holes, but then, SCSSL is
is indeed symtomatic of trouble in
However, the reasons given for
fing more than a childish temper
, persons in the delegation who are
t have the persuasive power they
rm schools like Wofford, who, ac
, was pleased when USC left. The
itch, who was elected governor of
m Wofford.
ter a year from now?
-RHH
s Policy
30CKwill attempt to run all
rence will be given to those
words. We will not run
iough we can withhold names
ile we try to guarantee that
,we do not guarantee when
Le G0t Look Yoau e
jaue Fashions At Each Store*
East - 3153 Forest Dr.
AS782-8162
West - 1023 Bush River Rd.
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RRY PATCH 254-2445
The Gutenberg E
Grier 4
BY HARRY HOPE
Associate Editgr
INTER-OFFICE
MEMORANDUM
From Mike Crier, University
Mouthpiece-ombudsman
To: Thomas F. Jones,
president of the entire
university
Subject: My job
Boy, these people gotta lotta
gall-they think I'm just up here
to talk to any Tom, Dick or
Harry who wanders in with
some kind of red-tape problem.
But you know, I do like being
able to help the little turkeys
with all their problems, even if
it is a pain in the ass.
And I'm supposed to be your
lawyer, too. I tell you, this is
getting me down. But you
know, I feel great. It's a nice
job with responsibility and a
good proving ground for my
legal talents in case I ever
want to run for elective office.
Boy I hate politicians-except
you, Tom. You're a good guy,
you SOB;
Anyway, as Mary says, I
just thought I'd write to let you
know how I felt about being
both University Lawyer and
Ombudsman.
INTER-OFFICE
MEMORANDUM
To: Dr. Hugo Z. Hackenbush
From: Dr. Thomas F. Jones
Subject: Mike Grier
Hey Hugo, take a look at this
for me, would you good buddy?
I think Mike has finally
flipped his bald spot. If any
shrink can figure out what's
wrong, you can. Thanks
INTER-OFFICE
MEMORANDUM
From: Dr. Hugo Z. Hacken
bush
To: Dr. Thomas F. Jones
Subject: Mike Grier
After examing this letter,
and after having a little con
xperiment
.racks
sultation with Dean- Grier, I
have concluded that the patient
is suffering from schizophrenia
due to the duality of his job(s).
You see, in one case, he is
supposed to be the official
counsel for the University, and
as such gets in on a lot of the
bull that goes on around here
in fact, so much so that the
beer license for the Golden
Spur is in his name, which
makes him a bar owner,
complicating the matter even
more. Yet on the other hand,
four fingers and a thumb (a
little psychiatric humor. Tom.)
Seriously, though, he's also
supposed to be the ombudsman
for the students. He is their
"Bridge over troubled
waters," their "shoulder to cry
on," their "big brother" (no
capitalization." You see,
everyone these days is fretting
his way to 1984, figuratively
and literally.
So, as is evident, the little
guy is in a lot of trouble. He is,
as they say, "very much into
himself." And the fact that-he
is involved with the University
of South Carolina puts him
even more out of contact with
the real world.
I have therefore committed
him to Toothy Acres Home for
the Hopelessly Screwed Up
over in Lexington County,
where they know a lot about
such things. I suggest that you
get in touch with the next of
kin, apd while you're at it, get
me two tickets to the Clemson
game, will you?
Our Mail
TO THE EDITOR:
It is Saturday afternoon. I am
propped back in my cell with a cup
of coffee, a Pall Mall, and the
primed and polished third draft of
my entry for the fall edition of the
Crucible. Grinning complacently
at my wit, I read over my creation
for the sixth time. Outside my door
is the community TV set., on which
Lum'svi
I?oa
200s56
ln F
Clemson and North-Carolina State
are attacking each other with
vigor.
-Suddenly my curtain is pushed
back. "Griff!" says the dude
behind the smile, "just the man
I'm looking for."
I run his face through my
repertoire of names; no match do I
find. Surely though I know him;
such a friendly face I'd never
forget. I smile back.
"Here," he says, "got a ribbon
that won't work on my machine."
I take the box from his out
stretched hand. I really don't need
a ribbon, I say to myself as I look at
my lopsided Royal. Still, I guess he
needs the change. "How much?" I
ask.
"Seventy-five."
I pull my coin pouch from my
pocket and extract a dollar chip.
"Got no change," I say.
"S'okay," my friend replies,
"Ill get it." He takes my money
and disappears out the door. I go
back to my story, cackling in
termittently as I read.
I finish the coffee, Pall Mall, and
story at approximately the same
time. Slowly I realize that my
quarter change has not returned.
Suspiciously I eye the box lying on
my bunk. I pick it up and open it.
Inside is a scraggly, used-up
typewriter ribbon. I have been
ripped off! I go to the door and pull
back the curtain. No one is in
sight.
My first impulse is to fly into a
profound rage. At one time I would
have chosen precisely that course
of action. Suddenly though my
finely-honed college mind takes
command of the situation. I swiftly
analyze what has- transpired. I
determine that five years behind
prison walls has a tendency to
wreck weak minds and change
men into skeptics filled with
animosity; I have been here five
years. I determine that I have not
been molded by a sick environment
into a suspicious, hate-filled cynic.
I determine that, even though I
have been ripped off, I still retain
my faith in the basic goodness of
man. I decide that I have gained a
dollar's - worth of insight into
myself today.
I close the curtain, smile at
myself in the mirror, pour another
cup of coffee, light another Pall
Mall, and begin my seventh
reading.
Am I a fool?
John P. Griffin, USC sophofnore
CB 3, 27-1
Central Corrections Institution
Specialty
ft Beer
st Beef
~i& Chi ps
I AM 'TELt, 1-W PM
reen Street
'ive Points