Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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oplnion "it is a newspaper's duty to print the news,and raise hell." --Wilbur F. Storey, Chicago Tribune Get Thee Into Ads Athletes are legendary for augmenting their income by doing commercial endorsements: Joe Namath received a fantastic sum for shaving his Fu Mancu moustache on television, and Mark Spitz hit the tube with electric razor and milk endorsements. Now USC's resident former professional athlete, head baseball coach Bobby Richardson (former second baseman with the New York Yankees) is getting in on the act. Actuzlly, commercials and sales pitch aren't new to Richardson - - for years, he was the media spokesman for Liberty Life Insurance Company. He has also been one of God's super salesmen, but in a much more homespun manner. Now the affable little baseman is selling tracts of land up in Mountain Bay Estates and the developers of that "rea must be eating it up. Just get this - a long shot of a second baseman in action on the diamond; cut to smiling, friendly sincere Bobby Richardson telling you what a gas it is to live in Mountain Bay Estates. Do you believe him? Of course you do. This fine gentleman woulldn't be out peddling swampland.' No, sirree - he's just a fine old country boy from Sumter. During the summer, the USC Board of Trustees passed a ruling stating that no university employee could hold elective office - no politics, in other words. Sort of a USC Hatch Act.They should expand thistoin clude employees endorsing commercial products. After all, in the past few years we have seen would-be Denver Broncos coach Paul Dietzel selling Astroturf for his stadium and basketball coach Frank McGuire selling Coca-Cola. This embarrassing thing has gone on long enough. The Board should put a stop to it, and tell the athletic coaches that if they don't like it, they can take their footballs, basketballs, baseballs, bats and cleats and go home. Rumor Mill The Gamecock wishes to announce that the following are rumors, and rumors only. There Is no truth to the following: -that vice-president for business affairs Hal Brunton was never taught to distinguish between the green on a dollar bill and the green on the leaves of a dead tree. -that recent construction work has unearthed four battalions of Sherman's cavalry who died from eating at the school's cafeteria during Sherman's ransacking of Columbia. -that the secretaries in the Housing and Treasurer's offices are any friendlier than they ever were. -that the spitting birds by the Humanities Building is a wor'k of art. -that Student Government knows what its doing. -that Dean of Student Activities Bob Alexander is going to be replaced by a Viet Namese rock ape who follows people around and throws rocks at them. Letters Policy All letters to the Gamecock rnust be signed with the writer's full name, address and telephone numb er. No anonymous letters will be printed. Names will be withheld if the editors judge the reason sufficient. Editorial page deadlines are Friday, 3 p.m., for Mon day's paper, and Tuesday, 3 p.m., for Thursday's edition. We prefer that letters be tye on a 65-space line, and double-spaced .We reserve te right to edit for ler.gth. libel and taste. UNIVERSIT) COL BUDDY TIDWELL, junior geo logy major from Columbia: 'ls'Green S'iClose-Gr Street from Sumter to Ple kens Streets to all city traf fic." h Craft Ebbing Crafi London - (reuthers) Prof. Bernard Kristofferson of the Literature Research Dept. of Oxford University today published a rather startling paper at the 252nd annual Hazy and Vague Literary Scholars' League here. In his paper, Prof Kristof ferson formulates the theory that the American literary figure, Robert L. Craft, never' existed. Craft was the supposed writer of such works as "Summer Star," "Levi McBride," and "Neil Young Doesn't Live Here Anymore," all of which were p ublished almost 300 years ago to a deafeningi fusillade of silence. In a manner characteristic to Americans, whose literary axiom is "all the best writers are dead," there sprang up about 75 years after Craft's supposed death a virtual clamor for his works. This transformed Craft's followers into a despised sub-cult in the society. This culminated in the famous Richmond Rutabaga Riot which splintered and broke the movement. Craft's work is still quite popular in paperback, however. Many literary crtics are still puzzled over the popularity of Craft's works. Montana Coyote, the dean of world literature critics, once said "Absolutely appalling. There is no plot, and very little sharply defined characterization In fact, in several of the works, the characterizations are so weak that males and females cannot be defined without the use of Craft's cumbersome descrip tions - 'said the white, female about 18 years old.' Also, Craft's love of sentence fragments and misspellings make his work almost unintelligible. His habit of skipping form language to language in paragraphs Is very' distracting, although the pattern of English to French to Sanskrit to Swahili in succeeding sen tences endears him to literary elitists such as myself." And so, when the literary bombshell that Craft never- existed was dropped today, there was a great disbelief shown by the League by the almost Inaudible sighs that 'OF SOL CROWING FOR A GREATER CAROLINA UMBIA, SOUTH CAROLINA, MAY 10, 19 | OPINION POLL QUESTION: What do you think sould be done about the traffic of Green Street? BErrY JEAN ALLEN, junior education major from Orange burg: Close Gree n Street from Sumter Street to Pic kens Street. R City traffic - shouldn't be al lowed on this treet anyway since it runs through he heart of our campus. Doesn't E ly Bob Craft, Lssociate Editor caromed about the room. Prof. Kristofferson said that he came to his thesis after ex tensive work in manucripts recently excavated from the ruins of the Univerity of South Carolina, where Craft sup posedly attended college on a rather infrequent basis. I "The facts that support the 1 allegetion that a Robert L. Craft ever attendedCarolina are shaky I at best. His pictures are in none I of the annuals from 1957-1978, the I span during which Craft is < supposed to have attended college. More importantly, f during this same time period, Craft's name appears on no fraternity roll. When' this .. in- . formation -appeared, I was 1 almost sure of my discovery r because as it is, well known r males were forced to join i fraternities so that the University could keep track of I them at night," Prof. Kristof- 'J ferson said. When asked by a colleague t who did then write the works a attributed to Craft, Prof. h Kristofferson roared, "Why, you s -lamned fools, it was Harry e Hope!"r Harry Hope is indeed a well- ( documented historical fIgure. Hope left the University of South Carolina in 1973, a checkered spotty college career behind him that was to foreshadow an t equally spotty and checkered life. Hope tried his hand at just about everything always limping away In defeat. "In my opinion, Hope wrote all of Craft's material. He chose a pen name a becuse he was tired of failure t and running away from angry t mobs," said Prof. Kristofferson. Prof. Kristoffersn points out. ( aC4C JTH CAROLINA S7 Layout by HARRY HOPE ROBERT ARNETI'E, senior education major from Lake City: "I think the Russell House ramp should be extended above and across Green Street." xist that in Hope's autobiography, "One More River to Cross, One More Bourbon to Down," Hope attempts to strengthen the Craft myth with many coincidences chat tie him to Craft and Craft to him and topsy-turvy. He says, "Professor Kir stofferson said, " that they at tended Carolina at the same! time and had many of the same aquaintances and teachers. Hope states that at one time Craft had a moustache that caused them to be confused with each other - 'yea, there was always some jerkoff coming up to me on the street mistaking me for Craft. - What a bunch of 'urkeys," Hope writes. "And is there any coini :idence in the fact that both lope and Craft were in the wedding party of a Patrick rylker, a mutual friend. - iowever, no pictures of the wedding have survived, possibly because Hope had them lestroyed." Hope, in later life and by a luke, became a wealthy bar ecue stand owner in Manhattan mnd Prof. Kristofferson theorizes t was then that Hope began to ose his life-long faltering grip on eality and started writing as a neans of therapy, another ailure in Hope's life. "There is no evidence that lobert L. Craft ever existed. 'here are no records of irlfriends, or even friends, with he exception of Hope, who ob iously didn't think Craft was so ot, either. There is nothing to upport the theory that Craft ver lived - no birth certificate, 0o marriage license, no shristmas cards - nothing," Trof. Kristofferson said.. "And if he did exist, he robably shouldn't have. Let's live credit where credit Is due - o Harry Hope! He may have >een a failure, but at least we mow he existed!" said Prof. Cristofferson. After the conference, Prof. Cristofferson said that he was tot on the trail of debunking mnother literary myth. He said hat he now has solid evidence hat Normanm Mailer was merely creation of the fertile mind of loria Steinem.