Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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Milatria s By WAGNER ROBERTS One can only wonder, my children, what the Curse of Milatria will do to me, when I warn you of it, if my mild statements on religion so flusters the local printer that he misunderstands instructions from four different people concerning a pot of Easter lilies. You see, the vampire Count Milatria -- unlike Jockula and Fundamentula who can be more easily dealt with -- is a very powerful vampire simply because that's where the lion's share of this country's revenue is thrown. Milatria's little minions and lackeys -- spread throughout the country and known as Local Draft Boards -- are as easy to deal with as a cornered 9c Carry Out OF Po-Bc Fresh Shrirw $1.75 0-Boy Geneious Serving of Fri Po-oy Slaw - French Fries -"i Flounder Bo x Puppies - T arter Sauce. 1/2 Lb. Fresh FiletP-B of Flounder Combinatic Cole Slaw - F. Fries $g e( Tater Tots - Hush Puppies Fresh Filet of I Shrimp & 0 Cole Slaw - F.Fries Hush Puppies - T 1208 Knox A TELEPHONE 786-1 OPEN 11 AM - 7 hunger for porcupine and as persistent as a Columbia Record Club collection agency. This isn't hard to understand since the Americans -- governed by Count Corpula in close liason and friendship with Count Milatria (after all, what are a few profits among old friends?) -- are committed to over forty countries around the world. Whether these governments are democratic or not, mass murder their people or not (like Pakistan, Nigeria, and any number of banana republics who stifle their people, not excluding Spain and Greece whom the U. S. of ficially sanctions without batting an eyelash) or show any inclination toward international ecological cooperation or not. JM'S SPECIAL ALL DAY SAT. 15th 3 TIL CLOSING, llONDAY thru THURSDAY, JULY 17 thru 20. FREE BEER z. Blue Ribbon Draft With Each FISH & CHIPS Order 2005 Green Street* In Five Points * Dining In p Box ~sh Shrimp - Cole ater Tots - Hush Po--Boy Fried Oyster, Box .$1.75 .Large Serving of Fresh n Box Oysters - Cole Slaw French Fries - Tater Tots :lounder Hush Puppies - Tarter ysters TosSauce. arter Sauce Lbbott Drive ORDERS 654 DAYS A WEEK human flesh Why, my little cherubs? Don't you realize that our high standard of living depends upon the raw materials and economic slavery of the Third World which is in turn politically guaranteed to Corpula by the might of Milatria overtly -- where politically feasable and usually under the cover of N. A. T. O. or with the shout, "Our National Interests and Security are threatened! !" or covertly, using Milatria's black robed and deadly Ghoul C. I. A. which carries on para-military subversive and sabotage activities in all parts of the world? If the slaves get restless, beat them! But always in the dark so that the homefolks can cling to their myths. It follows from this -- and present observation through print and media -- that Corpula and Milatria will see both Vietnams destroyed utterly -- a decimated, deformed population and an eco-system so shattered that centuries must pass ere what was once the richest land in all Asia again bears fruit for its starving people -- by bombs and chemicals so that if Amerika cannot win this dreadful war then no one shall. Unbelievable? I think not. Hitler was a child to us in comparison; such hatred we shall bring upon us!! GOD'S TEETH!!! Open your eyes and unstop your ears, my countrymen, before it's too late! Observe and hear how red already are the hands and fangs of your vampires with human suffering and blood! How they bloat themselves upon your real allies and even your own citizens! If you still don't believe your Emperor -- who loves you and would lead you out of your intellectual Dark Ages, patriotic rubbish, and Consumerism -- look around you at your fellow countryman in his blue serge suit or Citadel uniform and ask yourself how seriously are they taking their costumes. Has the Curse of Milatria affected us, patterned us irrevocably? (Donald McDonald, a brilliant and faithful courtier of mine, informs me that: "A militarized society is an authoritarian society. Free expression is a threat, dissent cannot be tolerated, and disobedience is met with swift repression.) ************** The Haberdashery 20% -50% OFF ALL MERCHA'TDISE Mon. - Sat. 10 a.m. - 6:30 p.m. 919 Sumter (across from USC Horseshoe)