Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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GLENDA MILLER INTERIM EDITOR HOLLY GATLING ART FRANK .INTERIM MNG. ED. AD MANAGER EDITORIALS Letters lag Last issue we ran almost two full pages of letters. This was a quite unusual happening, for the simple reason that letters to the editor are one of our less frequent con tributions by the readers. Generally we reservetpage 3 for letters. We hope we can fill that page because we believe the reader is the most important link in our exchange of ideas. We, however, have very rarely been overwhelmed with letters. We get about 10-20 a week. That's 300 letters a year. Let's see 300 of 20,000 students, faculty administration and staff--that's about 2 per cent. Of that 300, about 30 are repeaters-- people who write more than once. What does all this say about our readership? It says that the audience, which has the potential of being the most influential voice in running the newspaper, neglects the role it could play in helping make newspaper policy. After all, the newspaper writes for its audience, and if that audience or the majority of the audience, says,'don't do this," you can be darn sure that it probably won't be done again. So write. E ditorial board All unsigned editorials that appear in this column are written by members of the Gamecock. The members of the board are: Glenda Miller, Sharon Givens, Doug Williams, John T. Gash, Charles Fellenbaum and Rusty Robinson. /F MY KDS AVE BWAED /N WZ. I EL XAC7LY 7E W7 RACM, /7rMAY MEAN CA4ME WAY A9/T BUS/M9 ?M6WE 7RA &tI-, I96/& My K/pg 1W Winy' WHIyg /h! R9)t4MiR,'f AN!) E ~E; ~)O he) NOT MAY0E IF .T NAVE A FEW 'VE/H6o 60 E CItD DR/INK$ AND LIE DOWN 93f &'7~ AGINS n/ WiI44 ALL MAKE iME BUS/N- /N MY D/_7RicT1 The Capon King Ri( By SCOTT DERKS and MIKE HEMBREE Columnists America's number one citizen, with diplomacy in mind and smile on face, is at this precise moment in the forbidden never-never land of Red China. And where does that leave us, fellow Americans? With our great leader across the seas, who remains to guide we peasants along the path to p , glory and honor? The answer, of course, is none other than gracious and crusading Super-Veep, Spiro I. Mr. Agnew, along with several of the higher of the highest of the Pentagon brass, (aided by Martha Mitchell), now holds the power of life or death over Averica's secondary missle defense systems. Of course, King Richard has the necessary codes his fingertips to ignite our primary defense missiles, capable of annihilating he world 10 times-over. But wonderful Spiro is now in his moment of glory; he has reached his peak of power in the three-plus The jok By HARRY HOPE Columnist DEAR DIARY, Solicitor Foard came by the house last night in the godawfulest get up. He was wearing one of those pilgrim-type suits and carrying a Bible, a whip and a branding iron. He said he was looking for Transgressors of the Law and wanted to see the skeletons in the closet. I told him that we didn't have any skeletons in the closet or at least I didn't think so but the help is so bad these days they probably haven't cleaned up after the last bridge party. He said he had something called i "John Doe Warrant" and I had setter get out of his way. Well, I ;old him to split (that's what the dds say now) and not to come iround dragging my head (that's something else the kids say.) He got mad! He said the full force of he law would be brought, or lomething like that and stormed rut of the house just in time to get uit by a basketball in the backyard. And when Tom came home he vas all tired out so I poured him a glass of Cock-ade (that's that new rruit soda that Hal gets a cut of) Lnd he just collapsed In front of the ['V and watched "Lost In Space" vithout once booing Dr. Smith. 'hat was really unusual for Tom. Anyway, after supper, Tom sat lown to watch Roller Derby and vas talking about how we oughta get Joni Weston here to coach a [JSC Roller Derby team when the hone rang and somebody on the >ther end said they were from student Government. I told Tom hat arnd he looked real puzzled vhen he went to the phone. Pretty soon he turned and looked it me and said he didn't know USC lad a student government and sked If I knew USC had a student overnment. I said know I didn't 6hard visit years he and Richard have reigned in Washington. Another angle of this great ex pedition (which will doubtless be compared historically with the trek of Lewis and Clark) is the relative danger which our chief executive faces. It is easily recognized that Richard is in far more danger mingling with the Red Chinese than he would be making his regular morning visit to the White House restroom. All of which puts the Chinese in postion to erect one of the most impressive memorials since the Great Wall. One can imagine the colorful monuments and plaques which would be constructed at the exact spot an American president went to his eternal reward. Who knows? Maybe the American public would finally fall in love with America's leading used car salesman and flock to the assassination scene, a la Dallas. Can you imagine Walter Cronkite describing the brutal machete slashing of the Predident (with help from his little Chinese grammar book, of course), and s on S4 but I would call Podie Brunton and ask her. She said she didn't know but would call Leslie Alexander (Dean Bob's wife). Leslie said she thought so (she's always into things like that) because Bob had said something about it last year. I told Tom that and he said he thought he remembered something about it that day it snowed. He finally jumped up and said "So that's who that colored boy was! I thought he was part of the help! Gee, he's a student body president. Well, the joke's on Sol." And Tom laughed the longest time. By the time for "Bonanza" to come on, Tom was pretty relaxed and singing. Things were pretty quiet until the front bell rang. I looked out the door and saw this horrid green Cadillac with license plate "FMG-USC" on it. When I opened the door, somebody was dangling a Rosary in my face. Well, I know about things like that so I said "Shalom" and let the dude in. Frank was real happy to see us and said he was hiding out from Bobby Richardson because Bobby was out Relling life insurance policies and autographed jock straps with crosses on them. But Bobby must have hemorrhoids because Frank said something about a pain In the you-know where. Tom said something to Frank about a roller derby team and Frank said he would ask In the Bronx next time he was up there and left for a mass on the basketball court. I don't think he got there on time because I wat ched this van with a cross and "Jesus Saves" written on it following the Cad. We didn't hear anymore from him. The rest of the evening was pretty peaceful, except that rooster messed up our brand-new sofa and I made Tom clean it up. He hurried because he didn't wma :s China Eric Sevareid stepping in moments later to astutely analyze the event? With 87 newsmen along on the world's most publicized sight seeing tour, any attempt on the President's life could be developed into a full-length feature, a fully equipped with stop action and instant replay and, of course, a short halftime documentary on the complete political ac complishments of the man who would then be our beloved President-Spiro. Spiro would then be faced with the perplexing problem of whether to start a war nine months before the November elections. Many questions would arise. At what historical spot would the war begin? What is an adequate wergild? What shape will the peace table be? At what rate will American troops be withdrawn? But have no fear, America. King Richard will probably return from his tour with indigestion, 16,700 badly exposed Kodak slides and a greater chance for re-election with the wide press coverage. Equal time, anyone? A to miss "Shock Theatre," since they were showing that movie about the big ants who got enlarged by radioactivity and Tom said something about the Physics department and I went to bed. When I got up this morning I saw that he had raided the refrigerator and eaten all the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches I was saving for supper tonight. To top it off, there were stogies all over the place and I can't find my copy of Common Sense Magazine. Honestly, I hope Tom isn't this messy around the office. And the next time he packs a lunch, I wish he wouldn't take all the Hershev bars. Oh, well, go.ta go. MARY Letters policy We print all letters we receive. The only thing we ask is that the writer include his name, signature and address (this is in case of verification purposes). Please try to type the letter on a 65-space line. The letter should be double-spaced. We will withhold a name only if a valid reason is enclosed with the letter. To write to the Gamecock: The Gamecock Letters to the editor Drawer "A" USC For those of you who are on campus, you can put the letter in the "campus mail" slot at the post office. You don't even have to have it stamped.