Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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Arthur Hoppt Spiro Riy ARtTHURi HOPPEc Columnist The editors of Squirrel Breeders I)igest had planned to publish the following piece next month. They decided to scrap it, however, after Mr. Nixon dropped ten points in the polls and Mr. Agnew broke a long silence to attack the press. Again. I( seems a shame to waste all this good writing. It is time, friends, for another nostalgic chapter of "Where Are They Now?" -- the heartwarming series that seeks out famous Americans of yesteryear and touchingly describes how they now dwell in humble obscurity. Our subject this month is a man whose words once rang 'round the world, a man whose tactics once stirred heated national debates, a man whose name was once a household word -- Spiro P. (cq) Agnew. It will bring tears of delight to the eyes of millions of old-time .TT31IO News from the liberation front! Knits make the front page this Spring. From the "Mellow Yellow" Collection. Shirt jacket 32." Trouser. 2O,m SIn Lemon yellow knit of 100%/ polyester. Skinny rib turtleneck sweater 14." In black. Polyester/acetate knit. Sizes 5-15. SERRYS ainmain 'DOWNTOWN R2ICHL AN A is aliv Spiros (cq) Agnew fans to learn that he is still not only very much alive, but content to be out of the public spotlight. lie and his charming wife, once fondly known across the land as Mrs. Agnew," (cq) now live in a little house on a quieL cul de sac off a dead end street in an area of genteel poverty. He rately gives interviews these days, partly because he is rarely asked. But he kindly consented to our request. 'A real reporter?" he cried. Golly, hurry over. It's been ever so long." We tound Mr. Agnew (cq) amid his famed collection of Thesauri, lealing through his scrapbook of now-yellowed press clippings with trembling fingers. He is just as his tans remember him, except for a certain haunted look. JiOTJEf93D A_ . .AL DUCHSQAR e and *Can't give you much time," he said with admirable bravado. "I'm expecting a call from President McKinley ordering me back on the old campaign trail. No, it's President Nixon now, isn't it? The oid mind isn't what. . ." .Just then the phone rang. Mr. Ognon icq) jumped a foot. "Where is it?" he shouted. He found il under a cobwebbed pile ol alliterations, snapped to attention, saluted and barked into the receiver "I'm ready, Mr. President!" His face fell. "No, I don't want free samba lessons." When he'd hung up, we asked how long he'd been waiting for the President to call. "Only four months," said Mr. Nognon. (cq) He's probably just misplaced my number. As he told me when I last saw him after the November elections. 'It was a great victory, Spiro. and we're going to give you all the credit.' Boy, they sure did." As we left, he was gogging in place, practicing scowls in front of a mirror and chanting, "NatterinE nabobs of negativism!" over and over again. * THE S P R SHOWS 1-3 1 5-7- * 9 PM * with dAl ACADEMY AWARD NOMINATIONS ~Double Thril "House The D plus "Queen of open 6 - st "DEVASTATIlI AND CO DEVAST -Judith Crist, NBC-T STARTS TODAY FE ATURES: 1:10-3:10 5:10-7:10 9:10 AULES FEIFFER'S "UiLE MURDERS ELVOIT GOI well! So have faith, Ignewn (cq) fans! The world may have passed our hero by. but he is ready if the call should come. Remember that since last November a new "humanized" Mr. Nixon has emerged -- one who is charitable to his enemies, kind to his friends. generous to television interviewers and one who has plummeted disastrously in the polls. Keep in mind that the press. scenting blood, is even now nipping at the new "humanized" Mr. Nixon's heels. Don't forget that the new "humanized" Mr. Nixon is, in the final analysis, only human. So the call could come at any moment! All that's required is for Ihe new "humanized" Mr. Nixon to drop another ten points in the polls. Then the name of Spirex P. Newgan icq) will once again become a household word. <Copyright Chronicle Publishing Co. 1971) S RIP OF ALL TRIP SU CHIMD IRY NEWMAN ler llier! ripped Blood" Blood" art 7. NlGLY FUNNY MIC ALLY ATING' I DONAlD SUTHERUAND LOU JCOBI Yankee fans are unloyal l)ear Mr. Reehe: I am writing in regard to the attitude held by most Yankees. The past two weeks northern students have shown their true selves. They have acted like true asses. They are what is known as 'fair weather fans." Last week, when our South Carolina Gamecocks made history and won their first Atlantic Coast Conference title ever, bands of northern students wandered around the campus yelling, "New York is number one!" Friday, however, when we suffered defeat the night before to a strong Penn team, the same bands of damn Yankees were saying, and I quote, South Carolina sucks." This means, to them, when the team wins it is a New York team, but when it loses it is a South Carolina team! These students bring resentment by southern students toward northern students which results in lights and harsh words. I, being from the South, now completely resent northerners, as do most of the Southerners on my hall. Even some of the level-headed nor therners on the hall resent these people from the land of no sun, New York. The fact is the players chose to come to South Carolina to play basketball. They did not stay up North. I suggest that if these asinine, obnoxious northerners wish to keep putting South Carolina down, that they go up to New York. and watch 5-22 New York University, and yel) "we're number one thousand, two hun dred, and fifty two." As far as I am concerned they can go back home unless they can fully support South Carolina and forget where the team members are from, and truly say. "South Carolina is my team, win or lose." Name withheld Vote Runoffs today 9 to 6 ROOF J EWELERS M4 carat 399." ers -a---- emsac ec a I32. Tair aSe AmSbess iqa Cti