Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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Albert, The Stand-By ? 'he BY STAFF WRITER Albert was a little man, with nondeseipt b r o w n eyes, dull brwn hair that w" thinning conidersbly on top, knd a soft voice that was often lost in a tiwee-way conversatih. Slightly tinted rimnbes glasses perehed on a thin nose as if they were an integral part of a slight ly vacant eopression. Every morning Albert would rise, tidy up his sparaley fur vished bachelor apartknent, make his tea and toast, and leave for work. His time card in the cleri cal division always read 8:50 a.m., never two minutes late, never 'two minutes early. As is always the case with people whose lives are well-ord ered and colorless,- Albert was the butt of every office joke. "The boys," as the y" u n g . lique of junior clerks had come to be known, would make poor Albert's life miserable by little pranks designed to upset his well established routine. "The boys" took a great de light in hiding his umbrella, or his overshoes. Once they substi everybody... bu to see..."THE A "It Has Everyone's Funniest Picture of ' "THE MOUSE TI IN COLOR ST JEAN SEBERG - P1 LATE SHOW SAT. NIGH AND CONTINUING THRU NI Haveai . .\.er...... r, Stands By Man' M tuted a hat which was a duplicate of Albert's own little gray hom burg . . . duplicate except that it was a size too small. Albert's consternation p r o v i d e d great merriment for days. There was only a short time each month that everyone was nice to Albert, and that was the time of the monthly stock re port. For all his grayness, Albert had the mind for detail nd the eye for minute errors that made a great accountant. "The boys" would stand idly by while Albert .patiently strightened out their multitudinous errors. It was the pride of J. P. Van dewater, president of Investors Inoorporated, that there never was an error in the monthly re port. Rumors had it that even such an august personage as "The Man" had herrd of cleripal. division's unerring accuracy. The office manager, o n e of "The boys," smilingly took credit, and somehow Albert's name got lost in the shuffle. No one had ever seen "The Man." Even the president knew him only through correspondence from higher up, from the Olym t EVERYBODY is AOUSE THAT RO Nomination As . - he Year. . . .1" -N. Y. WORLD TELEGRAM IAT ROARED" ARhING TER SELLERS IT 9 P.M. he .w Visit (signed) Albert." "There's no need to abandon ship," said the office manager, clerical division, "He'll be back in plenty of time to do.the report ... besides, the skipper said "The Man" wouldn't be here for a few days yet." "Plenty of time," thought "The boys," "Plenty of time," thought the office manager, clerical divi sion. "No t i m e at all," screamed Blanche to Ruby the next day, "The Man is on his way down now." "We're sunk," said the office manager, clerical, division, "The report isn't half finished." The elevator door clanked shut on the third floor of Investors Incorporated. The office man ager, clerical division, nervously escorted a smartly clad figure into his office. "It's 'T h e Man'" whispered "The boys' among themselves. He emerged from the office-a t r i m man wearing horn-rim spectacles. His all seeing eyes were topped with a shock of busthy gray hair, and thin gray mustache ascented his look of cold efficiency. Without a word he surveyed the office. Methodically he went through each desk, silently he inspected the ledgers, which, without Al bert's expert scrutiny had as sumed the appearance of a cross word puzzle. "Who's d e s k is this?" he suddenly cracked t h e question across the stunned room. "That's Albert's, sir," said the office manager, clerical division, "He . . . ah . . . he's not here to day." "I have made a note that his is the only desk in order," said "The Man," and spinning on his heel he left the room. C "Turn in y o u r nameplate," 1 said Vandewater to the former t office manager, clerical division, l "You've been scuttled with this ! outfit." The b o s s stayed and t glared at the office force while "The Man" entered the elevator I alone. Inside t h e elevator, rimless glasses w e r e substituted for horn-rims, "The Man" removed his wig revealing sparse brown hair, and the thin mustache was pealed off. "April Fool," thought Albert, chuckling to himself. CAMEL nest smoke! . aKes A pus of the "Office of the majority stockholder." "He's coming," said Blanche eecretary to Mr. Vandewater. "Who's coming?" asked Ruby, the secretary to the office mana ger, clerical division. "The Man" said Blanche, "HIe wants to see your office, Ruby." The next day, the office mana ger, clerical division, w e r e an unusually g r a v e look on his usually untroubled visage. "Boys, he said, "The Man is coming ... and to see our set-up." "He'll be h e r e pretty soon, probably to check on our monthly report." With a wink at the as sembled staff he nodded in Al bert's direct ion "We'll have everything in order." "Fine," .replied the office man ager, clerical division, "A tight ship is -a happy ship . . . let's all put our wheels to the grindstone and pull together." Then the impossible happened: Albert didn't show up for work. "Dear Sir," read the note handed to office manager, clerical divi sion, "My aunt died in Maine yesterday and I must take leave for these few days. Respectfully, going ARED" ::r. STUDENT DAY APRIL 4t1 e-have aI bacco makes the I An icy Green St. is the seer tomorrow. The top was pushed approximately 2:46:78 p.m. tor Captain Robert Thee Hero i BY JUDY KILLOUGH Feature Editor It was a huge affair, that dinner or Capt. Robert Theodore Jones ne of the few Civil War heroes Aft unsung. Everybody in town was here. Mrs. Beauregard Hampton utler, president of the local UDC, ave the text of the eulogy fox ,apt. Jones. It seems that he had been a spy or the southern forces. He ha< ived in the North posing as lamyankee by virtue of an acute ift of mimicry which made pos ible his unerring northern accent Capt. Jones had all but given ul is mission many times. He ha< ound that the despised Northerner vere people. In spite of himsell hey became friends. It is hard t etray friends. Man With A Cause How could a man live amonj nen and betray their trust an, onfidences ? Only a man with: lause could do such a thing. (Mrs 3eauregard Hampton Butler ha ears in her eyes.) To the North, Capt. Jones ha. een Milton Overstreet, an investoi dabbler in stocks. To his suir rise, he did rather well at this. H. eemed to have a knack for mar ~et op)erations. As one in the know. people gravi ated to him. He picked up man: ittle facts about where the Unioi orces would strike next. He als< icked up many tips about south rners who wvere giving informa ion to the enemy. He relayed thes< Men whc Skin protection, that is. 0 akin moisture. Feels great, to attract female admirers man needs nrotection aga reck On Green Stre S ,. ".h al . . nMe^ e of this tragic accident. A car turnet in, but no one was injuredI. Please l orrow morning. (Forecast Photo by ! lore Jones, CSA )ies For'( to the southern high command by J unknown means. The Girl t Inevitably, Capt. Jones, alias Il Overstreet, met a girl. Her name was Julie Stephens; and she was _ the daughter of a minor Washing ton official. She was a quiet, beau tiful giri. Julie hated war. She hated this war most of all hecause it was be tween two sections of her own country. The two young people soon fell in love. Of course, meetin Julie put a little different light on Capt. Jones mission. (On this noint, Mrs. Beau regard Hampton Butler waxed quite cloquent.) No Choice He contacted his superiors, ask ing that he be removed from his assignment. His superiors refused his request. lHe had n:. choice but to betray either his Cause or his be loved. (Mrs. Beau regard Hampton1 Butler quite choked about this.) Capt. ,Jones was a man of high moral fiber, lie toldl Julie that he was in reality a Southerner. She cried, not because she hated him, l.ut because shfe loved him. Soon, Capt. ,Jones had persuadled Jlulie of the rightness of his Cause. She began helping him in his work. Found Ouit And then, one day, Capt. Jones w: s found out. lie was shot by a firing squad. Thus (lied a man of valor and truehea rtednmess. And Mrs. Beauregard Hampton face wind and weatheij choose the pr AFTER 5 LOTI4 1 Spice refreshes and stimulates, guardt too. Brisk, bracing, with that tangy Old but what red-blooded at girl.? 1.00 pa.. '. 4 I over in front of Russell House e careful, as this happened at simons.) 1ause ones, granddaughter of J u I i e tephens, who had run away to le South before her part in the ission was revealed, sat down midst the tears of the UDC. eeir. hMear'd.. Spoken ON CAMPUS Student commenting that he had tried to reacf Cleopaitra to ask her to a recent Death party. * * * Coed wrearing fence nuarks on her face after practicing pole asslting fro in the inside out. * * * Coed, while frantically search ing for her "Y" luncheoln comi menting that Rhe' was running an ad-Lost, one "Y"' luncheon. Girls screaming that they had1( drawnn fir'e years for sw'inging oni a forbidden yaOte. Sign, "For h u e o CEf GodE," haniiging insidie hole~ in Iai college' wra/. Stud(ent pilanin lig toi practiet' role of Brutus from the porch oif the old gym. Students on mein's dorms sun deck using hinoculars in the di rect ion of girls' dorm. otection of... IH AVE )N against the loss of vital Spice scent. It does seem S H. U. LI*P tH a