Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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You Um MWOM For years, my editorials have been limited ad Its writer bound, by the traditions, poli Cies, etc., of Te Gamecock and the Univer sity policies. Giving vent to all of my pent up frustrations, I am hereby emancipating myself with tho words which have screamed to be written for lo, these many semesters. The following are five suggestions which should post .haste be added as amendments to the constitution of the University of South Carolina. 1. Liquor should not only be allowed on campus, but a licensed agent should be en couraged toopen a liquor store on the Horse shoe. The 'prqceeds from the store could augment the athletic fund, old Spanish teacher's retirement fund, or perhaps the fund for the National Association for the Advancement of Cotton Pickers (a very in fluential group iI S. C.). 2. Cheating should be legalized. I have observed that the wear and tear on students looking for skinnys, and the loss of sleep resultant from these nocturnal quests causes parents of students a great amount of worry and concern.' If skinnys were published by the departments and distributed, faculty members wouldn't have to be so nervous during tests, students would get more rest and better grades, and parents would prob ably contribute to the alumni funds when BILL LUMPKIN... A Session At The USC Student Council River Kwil." made history last Thursday - Other membe; it met! Not only were there ac- and settled the tually several people there, in- aTre surer repi cluding the officers, but this had collected $1 motley assemblage even managed to buy the Stu to transact some business. dent a new ( The President and the Ser- mitted that this geant-At-Arms, having arrived of the goal. early, concluded a Secret Treaty "Furthermore which greatly expanded the pow. luctantly, "theq era and increased the functions quite - - er - of the latter. He was empowered not exactly in to use whatever means he deemed able. I, well I necessary to encourage all mem- bet with my i bers to pay attention and keep Robinson-Basilio quiet while business was being At this point conducted and to insure attend. Arms drew his ance at future meetings. He was forthwith bani also assigned the duty of remov- urer from the < ing from office all officers guilty dent yawned. of malfeasance, malfunction, oN ever seemed to malanything. In return for these dent Council privileges and powers, he agreed marked, adding that they would not be used you haven't not against the President. The Presi- take more dra dent then presented him with his assure your co-( ceremonial sword of office, a administration rusty sumari-type left over from The Presiden the University Players produc- the reading of tion of "The Bridge Under the the calling of t Letters To The Editor For Every Dr< Dear Editor: I want to anm Now that April is here, and running as a the monsoon season is setting in, everyone will I we think the University should which horse I a do something about, all of the I want to anm land-scaping that hasn't been running as a ri completed. I want to ari I believe for every drop of rain form: that falls, an ounce of valuable But first, I v top soil is lost through erosion, my qualificatior Something should be done. Honors: Mode Sincerely, United States Alex P. Garglemoore Orphan Annie J club; and I've ni Now, I want Dark Horse Enters platform: Race For President I promise thai ent or not, who Dear Editor: receive a facult I want to make an announce- before the facu ment- I will endeav I want to announce that I am the faculty par a Candidate for President of the together. Student Body. -I will do my CROWING FOR A (hEATER UJNI4ERS1TY OF SOUTH' CAROl Uember of Ama-.td Cefleglate Pre eaded 0, looS, wah nees mlt ee s piUhud br and fer the si iea mus mnad dush mng EDITOR . . ....... MANAGING EDITOR BUSINESS MANAGER Le la NEWS EDITOR. SPORTS EDITOR PEATURE EDITOR CAMPUS EDITOR. SOCIETY EDITORt EDITORIAL ASSISTANT PHOTOGRAPBER. STAFF WRITERS: Ann Stokes, Brueie Lennon Ba Ho lnd, Gerald Iloyd, Hlariet Glare Sink~ son, Bill , adJack Pneneh. BUPNEPTIF: Jim Hering, adveahising Nkmkr Road L Brn, Dik Em1t and ly UVe So Long their no-good children graduate. 3. Dorinitories should .be co-educational. This would save the Univeisity the expense of maintenance of the University telephone system, it would go a long Wy toward clooer ties between the various organizations, in stitutions and sexes on campus, and it would be a big help to males who don't have cars. 4. Many liberal courses should be added to the curriculum of the different depart ments at the University. Among these should be classes in finger painting, social graces (mixing drinks, telling of off-color jokes), and of course a series of seminar courses in the frog anatomy. ,5. Removal of the Administiation Build ing to Irmo, S. C. This would be an ex pedient measure due to the fact that all 'that ever comes out of this particular building is grief for the students, and in this progres sive, liberal, broadminded state, the state university should reflect the progressive ideals of the new education. which is cur rently manifesting itself throughout the training stations for the "literati" in Rome, Lexington, Paris, Aynor, and Stump Hole Junction, S. C. Thank you for your patient indulgence. I close with the sincere hope that you are all happy here. We do so like well adjusted students. -Ellsworth Livingston Student Council the council members had fallen es having arrived asleep and would be unable to ap mselves comfort- preciate this beautiful, tradi g began with the tional opening ceremony. Since ting that Council this made the secretary expend 50.00 in its drive able, the Sergeant-at-Arms used dent Body Presi- his sword again. ,adillac. He ad- After arousing the councii's was a little short interest and attention by the " 4 iimple* expedient* of squirting p," he added re- them with a hose especially built e funds are not into the meeting room for Jst that is - they're such an emergency, the legisla hmediately avail- tors proceeded to the main order - made a small of business. The main order of ,oommate on the business was voting on several Sfight, and . ." proposed amendments to the ist the Sergeant-At- dent constitution. Amendments trusty sword and which called for making exams shed the - Treas- unconstitutional, c o m p u 1 s ory iffice. The Presi- non-attendance, liquidation of the Nothing exciting present housing officer, and the happen at a Stu- introduction of special courses in meeting, he re- finger-painting, basketweaving, , Oh, yes, In case knitting, home economics, and iced, I decided to twiddlywinks for athletes (in stic measures to order to keep them eligible for >peration with my sports) were all passed unani than previously." mously. A motion to adjourn t dispensed with was passed by a 5-1 vote with the minutes and thirty abstaining because they he roll, since all had gone back to sleep again. >p Of Rain ... uounce that I am of the faculty. Dark Horse so I will try to raise the alloca e able to know tion for APCs in the Infirmary. .m in the race. I will give Green Stamps to ounce that I am everybody who votes for me, es ht end candidate. pecially to their mothers. nounce my plat- I will give DOUBLE Green rant to announce Stamps to the Veterans. s. I will not give Green Stamps I Air Plane Club; to the faculty. Senator; Little I will not run again. unior Commando I hope every body w&ll remem-. ever run before. ber that I am running on a to announce my minority ticket. Everybody who is running for president is run everybody, stud- ning against me. But I am the votes for me will Dark Horse. I am pulling the y parking permit band wagon. Get on the band ity does. wagon and vote for me. Write or to get rid of my name in and we will win king permits al- by a nose together. Politically your., best to get rid Alex P. Garglemnoore Concern Qver Drive Ins Not Understood Dear Editor: I was surprised to see that Amany people are willing to con demn drive-in theatres, and would have them stop showing eg a movies there. s the eesae ' Frankly, I must admit that my m -1 experience with Drive-In movies me ~ i quite limited, and I suppose I'm ashamed to admit that I Roy Williams can't see where any problem at Jerry Sanders all exists. Barr Stuckey What bothers me is that there Billy ishoe must be a hidden meaning which Billy ishoe I have failed to catch. Tom McLean People seem to think it's a Scott Cain sin to go to a movie at a Drive .Gene Jones In. Anne Valley But, frankly, what would Rex KingDrive-In theatres be without Rex ingmovies ? Jack French Silly question. They would no B ill Lumpkn, longer be theatres. They would Br ao a- be just Drive-Ins, and for the editor; ,Cathy love of me, I can't see what all the concern is about. , Bill Handel, Love, Bob Grease. Alex P. Garglemoore Preview Given Of .Players' :59 PrOdudions The CaMpus Players recently held a Ineeting to decide which plays to present next year, if any. They had to give up plans to open with a productibn of "The Brothers Kwaamov' beause their prerennial leading man re fused to shavetis luxriant head of hair in order to obtain the desired authenic -Yul Brynner coiffure. Among the other possibilities considered and rejected for varil ous reasons were a musical comedy version of Macbeth and a re-enactment of "The Lady's Not For Burning" in which the lady does get burned. The first plan was rejected on the-grounds that it would be un fair to the playwright who is in' no position or condition to defend his work against any slight inaccuracies which might result from this slightly unortho dox presentation of it. The second idea was turned down for three reasons: (1) The Administration says that University students musn't play with matches; (2) The theatre might get burned down by mistake, throwing the actors out into a cold cruel world; (3) Someone, perhaps even the leading'lady, might get hurt. It was finally decided that three plays would be presented during the 1958-59- theatre sea son. The season opener will be "The Music Man" done entirely without music for the first time and starring our beloved band director, an honorary member of the players. The spring play will be a tragic version of "Little Red Riding Hood," (the wolf is the hero) featuring a real, live, timber wolf from the wilds of Wyoming. The closing production of the season will be "The Life of Wyatt Urp" done in the same style as one of Euripides great tragedies. The set committee has promised to import the Grand Canyon and Dodge Cityy direct from the'wild west as part of an impressive and magnificent set which will, unfortunately, leave no room for the audience. However, to allow as many as possible to have the privilege of witnessing this glorious production, the Campus PIh.yers will rent the window panes in the Theatre for the nominal price of $5.00 apiece so playgoers will be able to watch from outside. CARL M. REYNO We realize that Valentine's Day has long passed, but as is so frequently the case, our friend behind the Iron Curtain is late in sending us the latest develop ments from that area of the globe . . . but he did smuggle out a valentine which the Kremlin sent to friends in a Satelite coun try. .. we thought the verse was good . . . perhaps terse . . . but it could be worse . . . but any way, we'11 pass it on to you. ... "Hallo, mein liddle pazzant, "You liddle Yugoslob, "Hoeingk clods from sun to sun, "Und hoppy vid your job." "Hallo, mein liddle pazzant, "Vid teeney-veeney brain, "I vill do your t'oughts for you, S"So p11s avoid do strain." "Hallo, meon liddle pazzant, "P11: hate do U. S. A. "Dey vant to part our Curtain, "Let in do light of day." "Hallo, moin liddle passant, "P11: be mein Valentine; "You t'lnk dat's not delight-* fual? "Off to do Salty Mine." W E NOTICED TH AT Presi dent Eisenhower said the cost of a trip to the moon would be roughly two-billion dollars... we agree that's pretty rough. He didn't say whether it would be one-way or round trip . . . but In any came, we don't know many who can afford the ticket. WE SUGGEST, however, for those who can't afford such a trip, that they might substitute, instead, Charleston . .. it's really out of this world, and the natives from Broad to the Bat'ry are more fun than earth people, any way. * . * W3E NJOIN THE Lower 0r der nt to imnah their mn "H PEW DREARSON C (Editor's Note: All great news papers keep an ear to the ground and a finger on the nation's pulse to determine the tempo of the times for their readers. At times this bcomes difficult, especially when the ground is exceedingly low and the pulse is extraordin ary tall. But not to be outdone, THE GAMECOCK acquired the a.id of a contortionistic long eared, reporter of national fame, Pew Drearson. Mr. Drearson toured the nations' bars, bistres, boudoirs, baby-pens, back houses, bell towers, and bowling alleys to get answers to this week's startling question. But we re gret to inform our readers that Mr. Drearson is no longer in our employ.) Question: How do you and your husband (wife) maintain domestic felicity and reconcile it to your unusual careers? (Asked of some of the world's foremost authorities on marriage) Mr. Bloatus Progg, interna tionally known authority on beet pickling: Our marriage is a 60 60 proposition. I handle the large decisions, she handles the small ones. She decides things like fi nancial questions, Insurance mat ters, the kids' education, and leaves the big stuff to me. Stuff LDS .. . 'Dey Vant To P arch this evening . . . we hardly see how they could go forth for the rest of the semester without a leader. IT'S MORE THAN we can understand . . . that is, the de cree that the University Players will finally be ousted from their "Warehouse Theatre" which was rapidly becoming one of the most successful endeavors on the campus. Certainly, our comments have not been geared in protest to this group, but to promote them through quips . . . we believe, however, that the "play's the thing . . ." and the University Players have certainly earned their position on campu. nV" e boy in six years now. I heard a rumQr that he'd died in a plane crash. Too bad! Ours was such a happy marriage. Mr. Louis (Loule da Gimp) Fortunato, well:-known sportsman and devotee of the Sport of Kings: I don't know whut all dem words means, but if you're looking for a bet, I got a red hot tip on Queenie May In de fifth at Santa Anita, 16 to 1. Dr. Livingston Iprezoome, world famous huntsman and ex plorer of much of Africa: I think the. most important factor to keep in mind is doing things to gether. I, for instance, take my wife on all my safaris. It gives her the feeling that she is wanted and needed. I enjoy hav ing her and it does aid me tre mendously. She has developed into the most accomplished ele phant driver north of Johannes burg. Dave Deck, leading labor exec utive and holder of the world's record for questions unanswered before congressional investigat ing committges: I refuse to an swer on the grounds that it may tend to incriminate me. Alfred Coeznowski, bum: I ain't married. we'dI drop H. D. Bomb (hernia p)here-dissolving) on her and re duce her people's flaming gases ...so, from now on . . . small wars will be the fad . . . honey mooners will be able to stroll down the frequently Invaded beach heads . . . and, these wars will be quite economical, too. CONTRARY TO what many doctors say . . .Cancer is good for you. * * * WE READ ABOUT the place ment interviews the other day, and saw that young men who can type at least 40 words a minute make the best secretar ies. We suppose that ambitious college men will now acknowlw edge the value of some steno graphic training. * *. * AFTER READI.NG a letter In last 'week's paper . . .we're won dering when the "Price War" will start. Indeed, we have ob-* served the causes, but we haven't come up with the cures, yet. * * * THIS ISSUE MAY have sup-. prised you . . .but not us... we knew all week that It was coming out. Unselfish co-ed: One who doe. n't want a thing for herself... just a Ron-In-law for her mother. * * * Then there was the mad scien tist who crossed a parakeet with a tiger. He doesn't know what he's got, but when it sings, he listens. + * * Today', greatest labor saving device: Tomorrow. One lecturer on campus was so dull yesterday -that two empty enry always gets hit, way with wome ler Nation's Puls like the Suez question, atom bomb, disarmament - big stuff like that. Dogmire, voluptuous star of stage, screen and TV: Well, the old man and me ain't had no trouble yet, but if any comes up we'll figure out a way to handle it, just like me and my other four husbands done. I ain't hard to get along wid. Jake Mentz, World's .Heavy weight boxing champion: Duh, me'ndolady works it out like in duh ring, see? I mean, duh, we git mad, see, we put on da gloves, like in duh ring, I mean. I'm ,gittin' to where 1'en go eight, maybe five, rounds widder. Look Out! Cheez, A big flock ufem went over dat time. Mrs. Archibald Updyke von Hassenphepher, Prominent young matron of New York Cafe So ciety: Being a prominent mem ber of New York Cafe Society is indeed a most extraordinary career, and to maintain a state of domestic felicity in the face of It requires very liberal views. Archibald and I both accept sep erate bedrooms as a most ac ceptable state, and .we advocate separate vacations. As a matter of fact, I haven't seen the dear artOu Crtin 9nve. fti, forifr . . . lwyich srae wuld wing Plers. to 's P l Ie the Suezinistion, raom seksogter voutou sae .o.f wtae, schtrecomend TVaWll, the oldmanyn romae aintleadgeo troube yet bu ifthey com es upn ~vertfued inouecet aattrndes i,ustoage ae an myi ther thonkRussads doe.lanin't ahrd Jk et,World'Wr.s raky eavy-n mhe'ndoospyneoeks Itoust ei gmar agge,sston r goearsha