Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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Cackler-in-chief - Egg Editor ............... Chicken Editor ............ Cock-.eyed Editor .......... Hen-scratch Editor ........ Hen-house Cackler ......... Chicken-feed Pecker ....... Distant-crowing Champ .... Circulating Feeder ......... Managed Capon (at Christophersen Is In Star Role Of '1 Hair Raising Play 10,000 Drama Love Professor With Sp The University Players pl Monday night, when they pr Diktator," starring their facul tophersen, in the title role. A throng estimated at 10,000 jammed Drayton Hall, traditional hang-out of the talented theater group. The sides of the auditorium bulged, and the floor broke through in several places from the weight of people standing on top of other people. The stage space was less than usual, because some of the crowd had to be accommodated by on stage chairs. However, the incon venience thus afforded the Play ers was compensated for by Christophersen's ingenuity in hir ing 23 of the on-stAge audience as prompters. In this way, Lovey Lovelace had time to catch her breath between appearances as "the Maid," being relieved of that duty. Christophersen's acting was su perb. When he spoke, thousands cringed. When he raised his fist in gesture, hundreds scampered for the exits (not for the usual reason). When he thundered off the aage, the audience sighed as one in overwhelming relief at their escape from his wrath. Jim Simmons as Goering and Richter Moore as Goebbels were excellent as D e r Diktator's flunkies. When the spine-tingling drama tization ended with a resounding crash from Christophersen's booted heel on Moore's head, the applause was so great that several large pieces of ceiling fell, killing three and injuring 11. The following is an -interview with Christophersen after his 107th curtain call: Reporter: What do you think of the crowd that turned out for your play? Christophersen: We'll do better next time. R: Your performance was mag nificent, Professor. Thursday, to play on Broadway; and later we'll present our play to the VFW's in Cowpens. C: Well? R: When will "Der Diktator" be presented again? C: We're going to the road Smith To Lead Calisthentics In Dawn Ritual Persons living in dormitories are required to stand reveille, a com munique from the office of Adm. Norman Smith announced today. Provisions of the order require students to rise at 6:45 a. m. Rooms must be ready for inspec tion by 7 a. m. Male students must attend a 20 minute session .of calisthenics at Davis field and coeds will exercise at Gibbes Green. A bugler from the NROTC will arouse the students. An added provision prohibits the use of beds during the day. The admiral's manifesto declares "Rooms must be shipshape at all timne." The order has created a furor among students. Many are still not aware of the full implications of the ruling. Student-body presi dent Bob Sumwalt told Admiral genith that he could no longer be field responislble for acts by stu At press time a huge throng, ob9ating menacing epithets, had gathered In front of DeSatisaure. Aepeolal sesision of the Ped of trustees has been called for this ............................ ...................... M ar, ...........................] last) .. ........Ken Bah Successful )er Dictator'; er Production rs Acclaim English ine Tingling Claps ayed before a packed house asented their version of "Der ty director, Prof. M. G. Chris Expensive Ping Pong Player To Paddle For Sol Sol Abrams, fiery columnist and investigator extraordinary for The Capon, revealed today that several discrepancies appear in the annual expense report of the Athletic de partment. Abrams reported that he found a huge sum recorded in the mis cellaneous expense column. Con ducting an investigation he found that, two $15,000 cold storage vaults containing several tons of meat were installed in a room un der the fi6ld house. "This demon strates a point," Abrams said. Commenting further Abrams said that such expensive items de serve to be recorded as such and not buried in the all absorbing mis cellaneous column. He pointed out that an imported ping pong player was listed separately, but that this item wag* worth only a mere $5, 000. The athletic department of fered no explanation for its method of reporting expenses. A friend of Abrams commented that Abrams is an exhibitionist and that he should go stand on his head on Maxcy Monument if he craved attention. Abrams declined, stating that the monument is an institution sacred to coeds and not to be desecrated by males. Unfaithful Erupts; Smith, Chase Fill Air With Venom Several s tudenits are undergoing treatments for rabies following a lively discussion during which co pious quantities of saliva were hurled at them by President Smith and Dean Chase. Officials at a Columbia hospital said most of the students were in no immediate danger. The discussion, during which the studlents wvere spit upon, started when a delegation met with the two officials to request that worms be strained from puddings before they were served at Stew ard's Hall. The saliva casting has been interpreted by observers to indicate a refusal of the stu dent request. Local Yokel Upped; Navel Heads Picked; Chaos Reigneth Here! It has been announced that there are several openings available for navel students. The State Board of Trustees, Snuffy, who has just been promoted to Captain of the Head, will command this organiza tion. Walter Smith and Tee Hee Jackson have been appointed aa M~ AVELS JUST A H EAD~ Ass. Navel Inspectors. The out standing navel student will be awarded at the end of the year with a certificat, made from belly Ibutton lint Jean Hill Rudy Rivers F Ned Threatt .Joe Molony Make-up Edit Way Herbert Jane Dowe Founded heri Lizanne Moye who would ever uerite Webb by and for our lobby Gaines be last, and the 1w n ,r tThe@ "'iion e tkn withag dorsement, and Manhunt Rae Caught in an unguarded mom4 "The Shadow," Moore, above left. by the unfailing, never tiring, role picture at right, above. 50,000,000 Smackers Donated To Carolina By Alum. Beezlebubb John D. Beezlebubb, alumnus of the university in the class of 1909, who has made millions of dollars as a Venezuelean oil man has indi cated a dTsire to give the univer sity $50,000,000 upon the accept ance by the board of trustees to the following stipulations. 1. That the money will be de posited in a local bank and Carroll Gilliam designated to sign all checks before any money can be withdrawn. 2. That the same CLG adhere to the democratic principles he pro fessed while editor of the Game cock in dispersing funds and allow no pressure to be exerted by the president, deans, or any other of ficials of the university. 3. That CLG use his own discre tion as to rebuilding the univer sity on its present site or determin ing a new site anywhere in the state except Union. In his letter of the offer Mr. Beezlebubb stated his reasons for favoring Gilliam to have complete charge of the grant. "Although I anm a very busy man the weekly issue of the 'Gamecock' arrives on my desk every Monday and I feel it important enough to read every word. During Mr. Gilliam's reign as editor his relentless efforts in trying to improve the university fell on deaf ears as far as state and university officials were con cerned, but as a loyal alumnus, who has made a success in the world as a result of the training received at my alma mater, it is impossible for me to let the conditions he points out remain. "If this offer is not accepted on Pulse Meters Throbbi Technique,( Determines:I 'The first official necking contest in the history of the Puniversity will begin April 1 and continue nightly until the end of school. The event was originally scheduled to begin April 20 but forecasts of warm, balmy, ideal weather for the next four months prompted offi cials to begin matches earlier. The contest will be held on the benches on Sims College lawn, those on the horseshoe, and in the more secluded spots in Maxey Gregg park. No registration is needed to enter and the only fees will be those which a player him. self deems necessary. All matches will be played with out referees or other officials. No holds will be barred and all juria diction of the NCAA "Parity Code" has been waived. All contestants will enter as in dividuals and no team champion ship will be determined. It was deemed inadvisable to let organi zations enter teams because of the old proverb "Birds of a feather floek toether. Officalst fet tha The Capon [OANING OVER THE RECEM AREWELL TO. A HAPPY LII Or ' . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . and now, with several bone-heads a be the first editor, "The Capon" hi wa selfish Interests once, this time last shall be first. Amen. expressed herein are biased, preju rain 'f salt. Publishing does not< the right to edit has just been abola ket Principals nt Is the notorious Richter, alias Moore is being diligently trailed atless, and lovable Homicide Harry, Babcock Will Teach Apiculture uorse Next Mating Season Dr. Havilah Babcock announced this week that the English faculty has finally bowed to his demands for a new eourse in the depart ment. Babcock reported that be ginning with the next mating sea sOn a course called Apiculture will be instituted. Apiculture will deal with the literary achievements of various bee nations, beginning with the ad vent of neo-classical strains in honey-bee productions. Doctor Bab cock said plans are being made to make the course available to a large section of the student body who desire a doctor's degree in bee keeping. The Apiary will be located in Maxcy lobby. Doctor Babcock said that hives will be so constructed that students may enter them and be forever lost and to hell with them. Member Of Honor Board Is Expelled Shame, Oh Shame! It was announced yes terday that a member of the Honor Board has beem expelled for cheating on a coed. or before April 1, it will be neces sary for me to withdraw it, as I have just received a tip about a 'sure thing' in the third at Sara toga on April 2." ng Iloordmnation. Boodling Cot in view of this all the more-ex perienced players would probably be on the same team. Only one iron-clad rule has been drawn up for governing the matches. This states that all matches must be played on the university campus or on. adjacent territories. Matches played at Myrtle Beach and other popular places will be for practice only and will not count in campus competi tion. Some of the better players, however, are expected to give ex hibitions at various places during the spring, including the "Strand." No contestants have been seeded and no byes will be given. The rules committee decided that since it was so difficult to judge players In the clinches and since it was fin possible' for the committee to make a complete personal survey, that no players would receive the fa vorites role. No definite method of judging matches has been decided upon but the committee is considering se, oral suggeioans. Pulse meer a Busy Co rT Other Busy 4 17E Al Morgulis . E. P. Martin CHICKEN J I the only people Booty M a been published STRUTIERE Frances t n COCK FIGH Betsy K HEN HOUSI liced; and to be SPUR onstitute an en- PECKERS: hod by the staff. Nutt. Homicide H To Stop Ric Candy Stores To Be Set Up Under Trees By Deans University stores approved a plan this week to award conces sions to students in the school of business administration. These concessions will consist of small stands scattered about the campus and handling such merchandise as will bring considerable profit. The dean of the school of busi ness administration said that 44 credits per semester will be given for those taking the course. The dean feels that this is a progres sive step in the direction of voca tional education. University stores announced that every manner of convenience for th6 as,udani will be supplied. They contemplate a special feature sale to open the activity of the conces sions. Copies of examinations from every department will be offered, along with pelican feather over coats, 1949 football passes in as sorted colorsfirst editions of Don Quijote, pickled Caribou tongue, rapid home-permanents with tou pee supplements, and red and blue garters for risque coed; Proposed opening ceremonies en vision display of pyrotechnics with the burning of Harper and Legare colleges, a formal dance on the roof of McKissick library and a speech by Bob Carpenter on "Prin ciples of Salesmanship and its Bearing on the Sexlife of the Rhinoceros." Canteen and Bookstore Sold 3tudents Sold Out Long Ago It is gratifying for the students of the Puniversity to note that the. canteen and bookstores have been sold. This will not be new to the students who have been sold out long ago. It was widespread today that the present owner, a mysterious Mr. Yours, has sold his and the school's interest to the Deathvice Holding Company. The Death vice Holding Company is the agency which has become famous for its efficiency in collecting debts from crippled children. This change is expected to tiberalize the policy of the University Stores, and prices are expected to be reduced immediately. The present employees have all been offered jobs in the war de par tment as heads of security measures. Time,Result itest Winners present seem to be the most highly regarded. Should this method be chosen each player will be issued a pulse meter which is unbreakable except by raising the temperature six de grees above normal for a clinch. The meter at this level unwinds and permanently records the highest temperature reached. Any player turning in a stopped meter will automatically go Into the finals and he will be excused from wear ing a meter In future matches ex cept in cases of a player who Is trying for a record. Pulse meters, however, will not be used to judge the finals which are scheduled for late In May. Finalists will be judged on tech nique, coordination, time, and re sults. At last report nearly three fourths of the student body had entered the contest. The remaining students are expected to enter as the opportunity arises and the en tire student body is expected to be participating before the end of school. oc.............. ADDITIONAL BUSY Sam Sorota, Jule Kleinmets, SCRATCHERI 'EATHERS: Carroll Gilliam, ral Carolyn Busbee. I: Wank ayssoux, Hilda Adan Tuttle. TERS: Oga Edwards, Eric C iowlton, Marjorie McCorkle, JI R: Elinor Keels J. Burrell Sa i, Booty Wal barbara Fowlex I Huntington, Leonard Ducketi Ruth Kleckley, Margaret Fie( arry Hired I liter Moore ] Crackpot Lawyer F Famous Gallows Be A manhunt, terrible and inexor able, was reported today by Homi cide Harry, the famed hangeman and slyster. The sloe-footed, slate faced Harry emitted his feared warning: "I am loose," he grinned. Richter Moore, alias "Mr. Eva sive," was listed by the criminal crimper as the object of search. Moore was reported an escapee from the law library by Dean S. L. Prince. Dean Prince accused Moore, alias "Barrymore," of par ticipating in illicit and subversive activities under various assumed names, especially in the neighbor hood of Drayton Hall. By yesterday afternoon the chase to apprehend the vicious and ma licious thespian-lawyer had de w zne point where the windshield wipers on the specs of the homicide hustler refused to work. He was observed scraping grease paint off the floor of Dray ton and feverishly analyzing it. When asked about the scrapings the amiable dick reported that it told him the name, rank, and serial number of the criminal, the color of his eyes, that he had liver ex tremities in the lobes of his ears, that he smoked coffee, that he walked by night, and that he had a most pleasant form of B. 0. The spry pinch artist further related that evidence recovered from dis Dean Jackson Finally Admits Disorder (Mental, That Is); Turns Office Over To Hyena; Secretary Sees Improvement Dean Tee Hee Jaokson will be absent from his province for a few weeks. While in his province yes terday he was overcome with tra dition. Doctors report his condi tion was brought about by fumes which permeated his province, lo.. cated right above the canteen. Tfee Hee's place will be taken tem porarily by a hyena which has been trained to perform when di rected. Dean Jackson recently sentenced a student to 60 days in the state legislature for failing to read Sol Abrams' column in The Gamecock. No evidence whatsoever could be found, but Tee Hee explained this damnable attitude by saying that he thought it was high time some one was sentenced. At the same time a coed was sentenced to air Dean Chase's dirty linen for three weeks because she appeared in Tee Hee's math class with a vital piece of land scaping out of kilter. Tee Hece announces that hence forth the following will be con sidered as crimes against the state: Failure to be on the Lucky Level, creating excessive noise in the library by allowing dandruff to clatter to the floor, belching in a faculty member's face, and step ping on Smith's hat while passing him on the street. Fruit Festival Coming Soon, Fraternities in Competition To Select Mr. Fruit Blossom The fourth annual South Caro lina Fruit Festival will be held in Columbia next week. The Festival is designed to exhibit the many varieties of fruits grown in differ ent parts of the state. On Wednesday judges will select the best exhibit at the Festival. Last year first prize was taken by the fruit exhibit sent by Clemson College. The second place award went to The Citadel. The Puniver-. sity did not enter last year, but it is expected that it will walk off with all honors this year. Thursday will see the pelection of Mr. Fruit Blossom of 1949. He will be chosen from the team send ing in the best entry. Since the Puniveruity is expected to provide Mr. Fruit Blossom, there has been spirited competition among the various fraternities for some time. Observers etee tha th Ju. eorge W. Shelor, Jr --------...... Jack Walthe COCKS Rus McGowan, Carol Ferrj Sol Abrams, Ken Bald is, Mary Denny, Lily Groove Ippenheimer, Edward Vere n Crawford,-W: H. McCartha iders, Jeanne Turner, Norm Jacl . Morgan, Van Newn*, luette,. Kat Sims, Charmafn.. ly PrMee Escapades oses as Thespian;-., titer Noses Around carded cigarette butts revealed that the man he was after would not hesitate to ask a young lady out and then quote her one of the soliloquy from "Hamlet." "The motto of my profession," the little operative smiled, "is cath 'em and if they have no friends, kill 'em." This policy he explained has some room for improvemen, "but men like the barrister broad. wayite are beyond my sympathy. "I happen to know that Dean Prince expressly forbids his wards to do outside labor for private in dividuals. "That this man with liver in fected lobes assumed innocent names to further some petty little self-interest on the stage in the name of art, 'Is ample proof of his habitual criminal tendencies," Harry smiled. Your reporter accompanied Homicide Harry on one of his fa mous watermelon raids and red light busting last night, osten sibly after Richter, alias Moore, but in reality, as Harry explained it, "to foil the fugitive." Along the way we met several ardent disciples of Harry rummaging through back alleys, collecting acid eaten bons and performing spot analyses of various and sundry dust particles, Homicide Harry, professioag known as "the Venetian blinder. tist" said that the case has besn in his hands for five weeks, "The patience of a humming bird is need ed to catch this capricious charse ter," he said. He added that Moore was leading a smart chase but crime always pays and Dean Prines has offered Harry a reasonable sumi to prove it. When last seen early this morn. ing Moore, alias "Chris Junior," was interestedly watching Harry examine his footprints in the mud outside of McKissick. Moore was heard to say, "What's up doe?" Quijote, Pancho Ires Fitzgerald's Tots Of Lethargy "There are 2,139 editions of the famed 'Don Quixote' in the world," Doctor Fitzgerald, head of the Spanish department, murmured to a class of bitter and disillusioned "32" students, "and it is the most widely published book next to the Bible." This world-shakinig state ment came at the precise moment the victims were searching dill gently for a blank space on which to crowd their answers on the pink. testing slips. The stunned group sat nmoti*d less when they heard that the cl*s sic had been translated into Efg lish. It is reported that one bright boy, who was destined to make the Prof's semesterly honor 1911 for perfect attendance, made' Si quick exit to look for a copy, and was necessarily marked absemt. (The flash announcement had coals at the beginning of the class.) Before the hour was over, the momentus news had spread t every corner of the campus. DoWS town bookajtores were reportedly swamped with telephone inqis$ and McKisuick Library was in a state of bedlam between class* The north entrance to the libraW? was not wide enough to accoD' date the onslaught. Engined students who heard the news ini canteen were endeavoring to out more about the book. Sevels had to be removed to the infirfu~r Persons close to Mr. Wadl said X-ray. showed that the d suffered no broken bones but ~ undergoing treatment for cuts and abrasions. ' An interview with the prof revealed that no "82" classes be held tomorrow he view of thet that some of the teting ~ were badly mutilated durin# wholesale aeodus.