Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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The GAMECOCK FOUNDED YESTERDAY BY FRANKLIN VANCE WARDLAW CRAIG HE NEVER SUSPECTED Foul Fow .................................Rebert's Roving Rooster Frcemor PEDIGREED LEGHORNS Reveille Roostcr............................................t3ard 'Rock) Jcnkin< OIJ IIcns-Littlc Red Hcn (Baker's 3iJde) Craig; Child' Play (alias Den "Tie Necker") t3rccknan; Cecclia (Rave's Roae) Robcrs. Ch!cklet Commentator................................Brdiri nd Thompscr Hen house Society............................................Feothcredncst Jcne: Scratchin Sccrckecpers-Birdbrain Reese anJ B rd:ccJ Sander: Choed Chicken...............................cghorn "eg y" iily Jenning: Cickcn Fecdcr....................................................D . Cluck Murray CORN SCRATCHERS l ier' !;c the ::mt ir: cf cr; e bcfc-c 0. leyccl gcere, rn:t _m, ' O.d, th ,'ll luy 1c m ;. BORED OF PUBLICATIONS Do ig Demrincckcr.................................c : We Give To You The Bird; As It Never Was Before So, we speak as we have never .spoken he fore-that is, never publically ! "The Chasti Chicken and The Foul Fowl" wishi to mnala Carolina a happy place for all. That, is, for al who because of unevent ful love and other (i there is any !) life are not in the best of spirits April is the month following March. So thi: issue of the well known birds will be the papet that follows us to our grave-perhaps ever to haunt us Carolina we want you greater. We ginv all praise to the fine orgalizations who . 'aliantly strive, ilaylbe once a year. to g,et tlil institution Onl a little )ortini Io i the ma I a. hI ie ar e to be pra11i.sed--later' to beit a warided thle lle, Ileart, svimbol of )OG and their day. We give yol the Chicken an' tle Flu 1. Takc it and make of it wIhat you will (NOTE:-Dil youi Irar/y read thii.) Bottle-Stage Sheep Are Accused Of Eating ... Wool Pulled Over Size at timnes theC prolin are too ?rieat - then w venit our1 pen'1-up ire. ( )ur irte i- et W efl ul , h )a e n e ve r iiIhirk ed u I Ilii' h ef er l)ut nlOw~-nowV-.-are~ rt'adv to. >uui 2rle ''ii jj le'gal p)ortabile. out, of our' barraiL andiu 'en Swoon for F'raie"it (lub. When we li,ten bI. WI S weA hear Ite uri bearable deCr('Iiction f pinicipht A . ( ). S. ha not mforeC honor than11 it's~ le: bb or. We don't bielong to~ the S. I'. ( . .\. lbut it' an unrjiustified enerialihment ont te priva'' of (lie animal w'orl for tin pant alleyv lo cont p)ose such an iiniqiitouls dlilty as~ '31Marz Don IT and( D)oesy Doa Is.' vocalist of: the e'quine* faloiily blraginug mielod Outsly to ai cotrral of mai;ires an d stall jins ''hom eat br'eadI and1 girls eat breatd anid l ittle' V--12 eat Sweckers food"-we would pirobably 1)u the unfortunate sonighoIrse otut to graze. Secondly in tlhei r obsert ation on the ( diet a lamb the author showed his ptiteabmle ignot ance of a lamb's dliet. No self-respectinig shee ever would be0 caught runinating a chunk c ivy. Where are the peaceful roundelays < yesteryear? What lhas happenled to the ethei eal "Swim said the Mama-fishy ?' Thuis jazz trend of the songwriters' w'orI will lead to ruin anld you can't say we didni warn you. So there I Scoop Of The Year! The Fowl Tells All! "Ruined, By Heck," Screams Bradley Whether he be guilty as so scandalously charged or not is not a moot point. It would be straining the apropos to consider ourselves banister, jury and judge in these columns in any effort to decide whether or not the conduct of Dean Francis Bradley gives verity to the calumniations of the tale bearers. Rumor has it that Bradley has been seen in questionable places-first of the treacherous stories intimated that the Dean was forciably ejected from an uptown penny arcade after having been discovered jinunying the machines and diverting the coinage into a burlap bag (concealed under his umbrella). When apprehended in the nefarious act of till philailt hropie acquisition, Bradley attempted to deflect blame to his bosom crony, Dean Chils. ie is reported to have screamed, "She mtade tme do it-she threatened to tell Mrs. Bradley about the . . . the." Catching him self, Bradley refused to finish the sentence. Later a mttore heinous story has imlplicated the Dean with a bootlegging circle which im ports up-state licltior (made in Pickens County) and distributes it through the willing abetment of Cecilia Swecker. The infornant described tile method of transporting the contraband: onA weekends IiradleV surreptitiously leaves town. ill a triick belonging to the University carpentry departmnent, tours to the mountain retreat of an individual identified only as Uncle lou" where he obtains the recently mnantufactured corn for the return trip. When accostedl by Mlercer and Lipseomb who arguted -with coiisiderabie logic-that. their own product m.t:nlo op in the laboratory was being tunldersold, lie repeated his previous accusation: "Arntev--Arney, blast her, makes inc do it ! I cal't eat ---at Iigit 1 toss in agony of what that-that IDe)an of Women iakes me go tihroulgl-all hecause sie--well. boys, it's hor rible b lackm: ail.' We are not the voice of the catpus merely to relcat storie-. (ir- alln is to gaIler tle trut Ii :tli eni(ish it inl council. But as it pttra chtt ist does not vll '"(Ieronim,o" w*ithott wear ini_ his chute. we could not begiin to advise w1ithoit first knoving the inisuke facts our We went to the kinown office of Dean Childs, pretendlinig to ibe initcere-ted ini a plan ( which I hearid she laid auitthored)' to liquidate Brad icy anld b'comel( th liriiist wVolnumi ini htistotry to iih .ed t he dloor of her oflice sayingm "yvou know'' howiV the peopijle' acrIo*s thei hail are4-noiw whait:s WAe f:alked at lenigthi: finially she wais coin ' inced tha ne : '4 wer on her lie and('~ 14 sIhepo .\'s 101n2 na i 2?ot this"--si( sh mirkedi, "as long a' thii- I .got, rleyh~ will do just aIs I say."' enoughi1 toi ruin1 an.s miani of le-s repr31oachable reco'rd t hani lirtadlev. Ilowever. beifore' this for deiinuiemeniit of thi ghiast ly busiiness we' hIope to rele:ie Btradley to a-stiiii is placc int tihe rankls ofI the rigiidly righteous: I used to know Wh\Ui volt sav sI left onte daiy Oh, woe! Flor, in miy youth .1 had no3 tooth Oh)l life! Ohi (Carolina! Aly life wias spiet Aly joy aill wen1t Oh lhife' ! Ohi Carolina! A bird sat upon a tree No target upon01 which to traini "TIis niot asil had as. could( lhe For1 realily -fIIhave no goodi aimn! " Said Bradlecy withI tears streaming froim his eyes--"Wheni I was youing .1 wanItedI to write -poetry-- a'tmt you understand ? Thlis was all a result of my siuppr'essed desires !" I Can we add1( more-needl wo add more. T[he tI decision, kind reader', lies in your hands! Phooie I USC CAmpus! ay J.BUL He asweshI ttd PAVE DEEM&1 Rave CutaeMi.ine 'or R.tb&4) is he. edlItor o The "Sprqchic1En Weelay) chcima i the Student--FLtty R(1 c.ommattee -. member of the Dishonor CoitiL - TSKg,.and ST'n. '3 nt. r y L COLUMN By MORTIMER FUDDLEMIRE ALAS, POOR COLUMN ! I am a Gamecock column. My physionomical characteristics are those of letters, commas, dashes and an occasional anemic period. Like Topsy, at times I "grow", and with the advent of paper-rationing and paper restrictions I shrink. (Please, no purposeful misprQnunciation of that last word, however, justi fiable it may be.) Wail with me. Bereave dear reader, for I have been much abused. I have been fed with flimsy verse, pancake-shape jokes, and half-witticisms of my various masters. I have had C. L.s mysteriously flouncing around inside me, and of late, I have been tortured with a Fneh. Much perturbed wias I over my innard-aches occasioned by C. L., but Fineh! My asterisk, forsooth and such exclamatory remarks have concurred l)on1 that pronunciation. F-neh; verily you have bhut to sneeze. RAMUEE ON, COLUMN! Lengthy dissertations upon the sioggarthi of 1o have been my diet. I have had to swallow creietical riddles interrogated by erudite columnists who imagine themselves Dr. I. Q.'s in their internships. *A prize example of a sixty-four cents question is the fol lowing: With an acute clearing of the throat, the 1. Q. aspirant who writes mie. questions: "Sp)irfsk? ' IIe then complacently offers GtL cents for the corirect answver. As equally thoughtful, lie brightly smiles at amy reader and smirkingvly adlds: "No coach ing from th e aud Iience ! " Argh ! I. poor cohumn, suftfer. I WEE P Th'le jokes umponi which I ami, and have been fed, are. pur'e e ff1luvium11. The iy ha:ve beeni, in turn, read by you. Surrealistic, I calls 'emi. Read, (/0 read, this one: Once there were two pigeons. They used to get together every day andl eat peanuits that peole would feed them. F'inally, after meeting at the same place for about a year, one1 of thle pige'ons told his pal1 of his boredom. IIis pal said that if' they wenit downi to Maxwell St. at one o'clock, a place abouIt three miles from wvhere they usually ate, the p)eole would feed them corn. So they agr'eed to meet on the mor'row at Max well St.. aut the ap)prop)riate time. So one of the pigeons arriived at thme appjoinlted time but the other was niowhereC to lbe seen. Finally, after hours of delay, the other pigeoni shiowed upi. Pigeon numiber one qhuestioned : "Where on earth have you beeni? You were to meet mec huere at onle o'clock and it's foum now ! What kept you so long?"' Pigeon mnuber two sta rtedl at his pal rather ecstatically, then replied : "Oh, it was such a lovely day I thought I'd walk." I we'ep; (ohl! how I weep! ! AYE, COLUMN! So long now have I been with tihe Crow of Carolina thait m13 commmuas are saggimg, miy exclamiation mlarks are out of focus anid my p)eriods are weak. There'I~ is but one p)leasuire ini my sordid and iniky existence One pleasure, one delight, onie excruitiating bit of heaven-thai of observing may writer sink wearily back ini a chair after he'. finished scribbling me, sighing "thank gawd, that damnet thing's through." Oh yeah? hTeh, hebm! Aye, I, column, will be back to haunt you nexl week, o writer I Andl of cnurun. you. too1 o reader I Under My Heel By FLEE Probably not one student at Carolina ever has the time or energy to read this column. Then why should I expend my time and energy in writing such ephemeral tattle? Do you realize that it takes twenty-five minutes to write it each week? No, you didn't realize that. Those twenty-five minutes could be spent in the Canteen or studying, but they aren't. You guzzle cokes or graduate cum laude. I write She: You have your good points, you're tall, you're hand some, you're brave and you're kind. You can have me. He: Don't be silly. For 5 points I can get a can sauerkraut. CONTROVERSY Dear U. M. H.: I was very upset to see your choice of the Joke-Of-TJie-Week for the March 17 issue. As a inember of the Anti-Bar League the M. C. T. U. and the Ten Nights In A Bar-room Is Too Long Society I wish to object strongly to the use of such lan guage as "whiskey" and "stewed." I cannot believe that you thought seriously how such debauchery might affect the youth of this University. Dutifully, S. O. T. Bamiboozle. Dear U. M. -1.: The thought of any one being silly enough to pour whiskey into a Victory garden during these days is to me not only fan tastic but downright tragic. I (lon't see how even a goon or a moron could be that st.ulid. I wish that von would try to por tray life a little more realistically and remember the feelings of your readers. Disappointedly, D. O. Indulge. HIGHEiR AND IlG1IE% We, as the majority of studenits. are delighted at. the library's new policy of allowing students to use tlie elevators to the third floor. We understand that, it is a result of stati5tics obtained by the Infirmary which predicted that if students were allowed to continue to race up the steps at the 1ITw Stoiiied rate, heart dis ease would increase in South Carolina thirty-five per cent. ADVICE TO TilE LOVELOON Dea r 1lee: I have written to Dorothy Dix twice and Beatrice Fairfax three times but have never receihed an answer. 'Th1,e other day when I was near desperation and thinking seriously of suicide * a copy of your columnn happ)lened to fall inito mny hands. It has encouraged me so much that~ 1 hiaie lecid ed to write you. I amt a young man twenty-two years ol, six feet tal, an blw Th'lree IIollywvood stutdios hav~e olffered mei at conitract and prIom-i ise to make me a stari. 1 am11 not int-t iciilarly 1poorS ince myi uncle le ft 1me $100,000.00t last year and a n now a L4ieautenanit in the air corp)s. F'romi the books I've read andia thle miovies i've seen, it dloes seeni that a boy like mae who is certainly not bad to look at, ha~s a 1 942 black uick convertable, anad an above average personality should hav~e (lates, but I (lon't. What cain I do? Mysti lied. Answer: The first thing you should do is to go to your comn- a manding officer andl either obta in leave or get yourself trants ferred to the vicinity of Ciohuunbhia, S. C. Then mlalke friends with somec other officer who knows girls at U . S. C. and be come blind (late material. 1Fromt then on yours are thle Elysinn fields. Don't forget, the black convert. D)ear Flee: I am a young girl away fromi hiome ina one terrible prIedlicta ment- andl 1 know ntot where to turan. I daIre not even tell my roonnate or family. Somaelhow or other 1 have ended up with five fraternity pins'. Believe mei it wastn't intetntionall 1 am scaraed to dleath that the live meni ilnvol ved will 'find out and I will lbe in 1an intexplicable position from whieb (lire results mtight occurt. I'lease anaswer* inauniediately. 1 a rra ssed Answer: Yes, I would call your position ani harrassing one. Becware of all p)recipitous action, however. No, you cannot wear all of themi at one time, but there are seven days ini a week. If you have the ability to (obt a in five fraternity pins I shouJIlnt bother to explain. Dear Flee: T1hie other night myi (late and I wer.e sitting on a bench in front of Sinans. A car~ camne into thle drive-w"ia ad turned thie lights on us. D)on't yout think they were very rudec? e Furai ouls Answer; -But who .did ou ha- . a a ..it tha . .g..