Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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Vr. Charles Franklin Mercer 219 S. Waccamaw St. Columbia, 48, S. C. .F o w AND H Question Of Masthead Who Won...? UNIVERSITY OF SOUTH CAROLINA On Second Thought...Don't Answer! Volume 100 Proof COLUMBIA, S. C., SATURDAY, APRIL FOOL'S DAY, 1944Nu CHIL Meriw A Meriwether and his history Hattie's drive-in-eatery. Above it is pictured. Faculty Has Most. Swee p Orientation Is Subj< J. B. TIeatherly, president of the student body, has just announced a series of sweeping moves made by the student council, and wholeheart edly approved by the entire faculty. By far the most drastic measure enacted into law is that requiring all seniors, regardless of other status, to take, or retake as the matter may be, the course officially entitled "11istory and Traditions of the University of South Carolina," or, in other words, Orientation. The council stated as the reason for this action the fact that by the time a student reaches his senior year, he has probably forgotten al most all of the details of the his tory of the University. And since -u iicil feels that a student leaving college to re-enter civilian life should know more about the Uni versity than he did before he en tered Carolina, the resolution was brought up (by a senior, at that) and passed after only slight debate. Also suggested at that time was the discontinuance of the course for freshmen, and the teaching of it only to seniors, but it was brought out that then students attending the University would be unacquainted with its history, so the motion was dropped. Furthermore, if freshmen were not taught the course, who would teach the seniors? No credit will be given for the senior course in orientation, but it is to be a re qtuirement for graduation, beginning withi the lpresent senior class. So, all you bright low I. Q. men, get ready! L.ess Sleeping In Class More In Bed Second of the enactments was a ruling, made with the complete ap proval of Capt. R. C. 'Needham, head of the Naval units at the Uni versity, that Navy students may in the future sleep up until the time for their earliest class in the morn ing. It was felt, with the ruling nowv in effect, that Navy students were niot getting enough sleep. They have been studying hard tip until almost eleven (twenty-three hours, to you), and getting up at 5:.45 gave themi only six or seveii hours of sleep a night, which as any doctor for any insane asylum anywhere will tell you, just isn't Comes Tle Dawn! Syn Comes Up Early, Elh? Don't Stay Out Nights, Hack; You'll Catch Cold At last it can hec told, the signini cant story behind that mystic head line that has beeni the awe and in. sprtion of all journalism studenmts uigthe blue handbook. Th'le explanation is simple, hi franght with profound mneaninig. 'I is, of course, ani allegory. I lack isa pet name for the coeds in Sims Carey is ani art fundl pseudo03ny fo lMrs. G,rahmam, and "catch a cold" a tricky' little slang expression foi getting a two momnths restriction. Anti so, ini reality, onr little hieadl doti mean-" Be in by I 2:fe. gals, or Il'I eally 6% vou upi" Selah. .DS ether's Stop-We'll hove opened for the use of ALL-young, (Chaste Chicken "ddFoul Fowl News Photo Approved ing Moves ct Of Debate enough for the abnormal bodies now being inducted into the Navy. Say What You Please Once A Week Plans arc also being made with Captain Needham, and are expected to be announced very soon, to allow Navy students one day a week in which they can tell all their profes sors just exactly what they think of then and their courses, without fear of reprimands. It seems the Navy students became too envious of the civilian students' ability to do so without result (except maybe dis missal, but certainly not to Bain bridge), and their morale was be coming so low that the authorities felt that something just had to be done about it. Don't Miss T,,See Faculty Roll Easter Eggs J. B. Heatherly also announced that Easter holidays arc to be lengthened to one week, from Good Friday until the next Friday, in stead of the two days only just be fore Easter Sunday. During this time, the actual day to be deter mined, the faculty will entertain with an Easter egg roll and picnic on the grounds in the center of the campus in the day, and followed by dance in the armory at night. The dance is to be completely informal. Eggs, Dice, What's The Difference According to Miiss Holland, as sistant registrar, Carolina students will not observe a holiday for Easter as previously announcedl. States Miss llolland, "All work and no p)lay' makes Jack." Now everyb)ody wants to make jack and besides there's a shortage of Easter eggs this year so we wvouldn't have any thing to roll except dice and if you roll (lice andl the dice are yours then the dice are loaded, andl you make jack anyway. So why have holidays? Where's Jack? Moon To Give Mail Extra Dash Sugar Mrs. Mooni has announced the followving changes in Post Office procedure: to be adloptedl beginning tomIorrow : Since s tudlents~ have beeni comi p'laiiing a bout niot getting entongh of the right kind of suigar reports, Mrs. Mlooni is taking it on herself to censor each letter, post cardI, or what have von am l complete it with just the righit amut of mush and gool She will write extr a letters for those lonesome coquettes res,iding in the Freshmen Dormitories. In addlition to these letters from Mrs. Moon, coedls will receive other let ters. A list of their names~ and box numbers will be posted on the bual letin board in the canteen, as re quecsted by the muale population of Carolina. Thei list w ill include a Icomiplete de'scr ipt ion of each .voed -color of hair, ey es, dimensions, Ietc. Boys here's soutr chan':c! toTAT -Hop ild, anybody with a stomach-a deluxe ). Captain Needham Is A Bad Boy, Is Sentenced To V-12 Captain - Bids Farewell, V-12's Bid Two Clubs Disunited Press Flash-Maxcy College, USC Campus, April 1, 19-14.-Word that Captain R. C. Needhan, better known to his col leagues as "the censored)", has been sent back to the fleet and demoted to the rank of \-I:! cadet was re ceived here today. Needham was tried on charges of unnecessary cruelty to apprentice seamen yesterday. The defense pled guilty and promi.,ed not to do it :gain on hi, Boy Scout honor. I low ever, a stern jury ctf twelve Sims co-eds returned a verdict of guilty and sentenced the accused to eight years on an LCI. During the trial a disturbance broke out in the rear of the court room, and guards brought forth Betty Crews, who hysterically thrust a lolly-pop into the captain's hand, bluibering "He always loved licorice!'" For Whom The Bell Tolls or What Goes? Jury Renders Verdict That Knocks 'Em Cold The grave team of lawyers con suilted in whispers in the corner of the courtroom, a little gerty headed woman, haggard obviously because of worry and sleeplessness stunmbled into the circle of clerks and bar risters awaiting the verdlict of ab sent jurors andl wailed dlistraughitly, "lIe dlidn't (10 it-he didn't." Tlhe wvotan w,as the hysterical wvife of Y secretary. R. G. Bell. Hell, for the past few weeks has been on trial for converting the Flinn Hall kitchen into a gambling casino, where he allegedly has financed the Y by' inviting members. of the State legislatuire to come (down "for a friendly little game." Bell denied lhe case of the state adinitting only, "'I did invite theum around for a pool party-but, that was penny anti stuff". Te'stify ing ini his behalf wa his liitctle aughiter, J1ainie, w ho said. ''1 e's myv Dadidy-lIe wouldn't do hings like that (aside) say, pop, Sol HIatt is griping-ays the roulette Oh, woe, arie they w ho dtyk the "just ice" of the law- -.slowly, laibori t.uily, the dteta tteredl camne back to the sta.gnant ronit1. Chidef Juror, one \I iss Saraih S penicer, spoke, and qutaveredi as she did, "'\\e the1 jury havi e reached a (decision." Recalizing he neessit y of Iifte, or a reasonable iaesiiniile'. at our iie 'nity, "'penny aniti stil"' i5 not to be han ned, butt, because of a decided lack of Y taste in Ite selectlion of routlette games, . (;. Bell, is senitecedC( to ten monthls and at days under thle w atch fiil eye of Chidef Inspector of-? Decan Arney I So, the case was.endedct. The pun ishmnent? \\ell, it does lit the crime. Note: Come11 to Flinin lall be tween 12-1t on Saturday inighits and enter iintothgae-fcane ESI The Day Is Come, The Blow Has Fell Hay Bab Says The Word; Board Of Pubs Poops Out The Board of Publications met yesterday in South Carolina De Pass' den in Legree, and officially gave up the ghost. Hav Babcock, Jeader of the Bored, moaned in his farewell address as follows: "We are unnecessaryl Nobody needs us, or even wants us. Even our prob lem-child, the unworthy Gamecock. is almost old enough to survive without our interested supervision and helpful guidance. Ergo, fare well. Thirty." Members of the august associa tion, dressed in mourning black brightened by a touch of garnett, chanted in unison, "Yea, verily, we are anachronisms. Thirty, thirty." And a mournful crow flapped past the window as the august adjourned. Brockman, Varga Make G and B Book Of The Year In keeping with the speed-up program of the University of South Carolina, The Garnet 'rd Black will come out in April this year. As a result of the frenzied efforts of all the staff, featured by the herculean labor and brilliant writing of James F. Brockman (also known as The Demon of the Dance Floor), the book will be off the press just any day now. It has been decided not to change the name in spite of many suggestions that the' Black and Blue might be more appropriate. However. the col orful nature of the publication has been carried out by the use of colored pictures throughout. One of the most striking of these is a ,ealistic photograph of the C .neer, displaying to fullest advantage its Early Co lonial furnishings against the parmonious background of ersatz H.rshey bars and empty Coke bottles. Subscribers will be glad to know that all those old dull ad vertisements that used to take up so much room have been re placed by a series of "The Ad ventures of Superman." When the annuals are deliv ered, students are requested to bring their receipts with them since Mr. Garrett will refund all contributions at that time. Mr. Garrett modestly declines all thanks for this policy, say ing "It was just a lot of trouble to keep all those old books any how." V-12 To Sponsor Dance April 10, 9-1, Auditorium Believe Us, Just Once, This is Trui All naval personnel and student5 of the University of South Carolim are invited to attend a Naval Ball at the Township Auditoriunm, spons sored by the Y'-12 unit of the Uni versity. The (lance is schedules from 9'- on M tonday, April 10, 1944 It is hoped to have D)ean I ludsot and his orchsestr.. DJo not call ('apt. Needhams ani ask if it i5 true abo'cut the dance Tfhis is the only serious article ir this issue, and believe us, it is true Yonusmay mnake your dates now! This Space Reluc CAROLINA Et P. S. Permis: REE Coeds Urged Tc Of Recreation In a confidential interview mitted that Carolina co-eds are in need of more leisure fully informed your reporter forms that have been passed tomorrow. omebody ought to call Judge? Hears Repo rts -s And Subways Eat Crumpets Headline) :ulty Steering Committee of the its first meeting of the semester morial Building. by the chairman, Rove Freeman. F the lost meeting and the chair For business. This Is Not All! Just Look How Clever We Are If you are not l,y this time capti vated and enchanted by the witty words, moron nunbling., brisky brainstorm, and clever chattering on the first page, don't tear the paper into sliver- and dash io r the nearest trash can. treet gutter. or lon tire. Have p.atience, ny little dove, and delve into the following pages of foolish iancie,. Moonlight on Max~cy with apo'lL gies to the \-i'--l'-agie \'un. Skeletons Found in Phi Kappa Sig Closet-Pagie Tootie. Tirue Sto'ry Confessions ot l.cona Mincey-P'agie Tre-. Death in Steward's Hall: P'tomaine Tragedies-Pagie Fore. Comiplete I nstructions for Playing "Post Office"- Pagie Fith. Unabridged \Versions of Sigma Nu's Biest Songs- Pagie 'Seek. Z. T. A. Pledges Ten ROT~C Bloys --Pagie Scien. "Gamecock Goes To Dogs" un quote-Pagie Ait. Come 'Ye Babes Enroll For 2000 Notice of all infants between the age one and three months: Applications are now being ac cepted for diplomas for year 9000 by the University regis trars office. Diplomas will be is sued on genuine bull skill in scribed in 'invisible ink and bound in elastic cellophane. Miss Holland requests thats this information be distributed to all employees of the Stork Corps for further repetition. Colonel McKissick Has Important Announcement President J. Rion McKissick has announcedl that all studious studknts with a D-- or below avp~age will be admitted tuition free for as many semesters as they keep the good work up.. 'ie is conferring with Captain Needhami to investigate the possibility of the \'-12 participating Jin the same nrogramme. NEW Do You A Hill-Sitter This Are a Watch Bird Watching You A boy sat upon a hill, - For all we know he sits there still. Let him sit .there, if he will For you know what we think of those nasty old hill-sitters, don't you? God, Mabel, don't you think s Student Faculty On Rain Sheltei Also Drink Tea And (Gad! - No More A meeting of the Student Fa University of South Carolina held Sunday afternoon in the War Me The meeting was called to ordei The secretary read the minutes o man declared the meeting open Rainproof Sparking Spaces Major topic of the group, while drinking their tea and eating their crumpets. was the erection of rain sheds on various campus corners. It is understood that the purpose of these sheds is to protect students from the rain while waiting for pub lic conveyances. Plans for the sheds were presented by the Committee-in charge-of-rain-sheds. These structures, three in number, are to be not only for rain protection. but memorials to all, past, present. and future, who throughout the years have waited, do wait, and shall wait on public conveyances. Covering the sheds, or white ele phants, as the case may be, are to be tops of imarble, an unprecedented nmaterial to be tused on a rain shed, but perhiaps. suitable for the memorial. A. brick walk has been designed to surround the shed with shrubbery planlted On its edlges. Zo far, no plans have been made as to the possibility of ac commodating students who wish, not a marbel bench with a simple iteto,solely for the purpose litl keep,n themselves dry. Discuss Subversive Subway WVhile on the subject of rain pro tectors. some willing worker. and no doubt a newcomer, suggested under ground tunnels connecting Sims, W~ade llampton, and Maxcy College. The suggestion had the hearty ap proval of the committee and a sub commnittee was appointed to estimate the cost of such an undertaking. As the grass is now growing in all its glory, and as the tea had vanished into tunknown parts, the meeting was adljournued. tantly Contributed 4GRAVING CO. linn by Betty 7IME i Visit Places For A Pickup ', Dean Childs recently ad have been over-worked and and recreation. She cheer of some much-needed re upon and will go into effect E e g i n n i n g tomot row, Wade Hampton, Sit-, and \\'auchope House girls may go out any time after dark without signing out. They may remain out as late as they wish but are nn their honor to get i: on tine for their first morning class. I )oo: w ill Ic open all night. Action i, being taken to relieve the night watchlan ot his duties, since he will no longer be needed. Girln n ill not need esce,t is to get out of the dortmitories at night. but are urged to go down on Main Street and look over the Lieu tenants. Freshman giris will be glad to know they are no longer limited to three dates per w eck--they may have seven if they can get them Dean Childs also suggests that girls call on soldiers at the Fort frequently just to keep up the sol diers' morale. She expres-ed a wish that girls spend at least three or four nights a week at the USO and the Officers' Club. "When you're feeling low, girls," Dean Child's advises, "don't let studies worry you. Try visiting the Chatterbox, the Lookout Club, the Carolina Club, or the Lotus Club. If it's a pickup you want-that's where to get it!" The acce:cratc( -r, ~g t s. s caused increased strain or tie ten tal and ph\ sical capacitic, of co eds so a few changes lave been mad' to lighten i n ' h the drudgery of the da' rout tne. Dean Childs i= fiimyni} e t', cigt o'clock clasms. In fan. she i, tr - ing to convince the Uo; rd that no classes should begin heiore ten o'clock in the morning. That iwiii give the girls plenty of time to have their breakfast served in bed and still make the deadline. She and the various matrons of the dormitories are collaborating on a plan t, re lieve co-eds of the job of naking their beds and keeping their rooms in order. "Just drape N our coat, on the chairs and drop your bcengings anywhere w hen you c,,mc in, and we'll see that it' properly put away," said the Dear. "We wont to be sure that you enjoy your stay at Carolina free from worry or care," assured the Dean, "and if there are any other suggestions for improvements, I'd be glad to cooperate for a greater Carolina." Tromp, Tromp, Etc. They Call Themselves V-8, Girls, But They Act Like All The Rest "T'1ramp, t ramp, trtam p the hoy s are marching." and trampling down, everything in sight. For the marchI ing routine of the U. S. C. V- $ out fit is like nothing the Navy has ever previously thought of, or w' ould admit if it had. First these foxy, fellou p' m.e it sot that the maioritv (if their marching wsould cover thle tcirlitory overrun ly cords on the <bivh to class; antd tihe rate ws on . '1lhe bat tle scarred otitt is now prac - tical ly let ter- perflect, andt thiie ((ced seldom escapc''. The plan. p'.iin"tak iingly r afpped ouiit in thle seecrecy of D)avis classrooms, is as follos: Several coimpaico of V- % secr et themselves behind sh ribb eli and corners, and( lie itn isait unitii i stuf ficient mmber of coed a are ( crss ing the open space. At the given signal (consisting of at long low whistle anid a shout of "Look at the babe in the green socks'') the lads file determiindly forth. They set their pace to that of tihe fair victims, so that a slow saunter or a mad dash cannot upset calcula tionis. The adversaries have even seen to stand stilt for several nin utes, as they took stock of each other. But eventually tile V-8s e.xe. cute their circular march (paterit pending) and the quary is theirs.