Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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qoi POME twinkle twinkle little jeter you had better you had better katie beaty is a lady all the rest have 31 save harriet mchrayer who alone has oodles and oodles including do mckay and alex mcarthur (sounds like a gathering of the clar -Homo- ........ !!'CAROLINA SPEAKS!!! (Stranger than Fiction) Not a single professor at the U versity of South Carolina meets class in a bathing suit!... Dean Arney Chil has never smoked opium in her life!. Nudes CONDEMNED Condemned as a dangerous buildii by the state insurance inspector, t Woman's Building will be clos henceforth to all male students. "V decided to take this step when t vast majority of men developed cas of sore eyes, high blood pressure ai broken hearts," Lean John Chaste sa yesterday. HALFBACK Coach Enright's need for a fast ha back was solved yesterday wh< Leanie Lea came out for the foe ball team. Leanie now tips the scal at 135, (her figure). "This is the hottest halfback ev to come into my hands," Coach E right said. "Not only is she shifty at elusive, she can make passes bett than any of the other candidates. have found that wherever she lea the rest of the team will follow." STOMACH PUMPS Great rejoicing was heard in ti S. A. E. house last night when tl chapter by unanimous vote decid that stomach pumps were no nng needed as part of the house equi ment. The reason: The S. A. E no longer have stomachs. ELECTION Miss Frankie Jordan was elect hysterian of the Highpassion Illitera Society at a meeting Wednesday ternoon. "Girls, I am deeply than ful for this honor that has been b stowed upon me. I was beginning feel that we Tridclta were being di criminated agrainst since thi is tl first office I have ever held," sa Miss Jordan. EXPELLED Stretcher Spigner was expelled 1 the Sigma Nudes last week for haun ing beer joints and smoking ciga ettes. "\Ve will not tolerate any wil ness on the part of our member Vhen Stretcher started smoking se era! weeks ago we were worried at took him aside and lectured him s verely. Yesterday he winked at waitress in a b)eer joint. It wvas t< much; lie had to go," Hairy H illtow speaking for the chapter exp)lainedl. OBJECTION Objection wvas fotund early' th morning by Meyer llosen in the muas head of the Inky Baiter. It had Shir my B3litch as a stewed egg. Sa: Meyer, "1 demand that my name TODAY - SATURDAY SWARTHOUT MACMURRAY MONDAY - TUESDAY Practically strnges. .. and snowed in for the winter... alone ! DON ANN AMECHE and SOTHERN~ "Fifty Roads To Town" WEDNESDAY - THURSDAY LOVE BLAZES NEW TRANLSI 'mOWS COUNTRY -Selected Shorts Always AT. 15o NPFT! 2nc no Sapiens By Stinky" Villains There is no record of Frank Wel bourne's ever having been arrested for embezzlement!!... Dean J, Nelson Frierson has never spent a night in the state penitentiary!!'....RE N E MAURICE STEPHAN DOES NOT WEAR A BUSTLE!!!! -Homo STINKY'S STATISTICS ug SEEN crossing the campus holding hands: Bob Hayes and Wilbur Kirk S land. PROFESSOR HAVILAH BABCOCK is thataway about Havi lah Babcock. PROFESSOR JOSIAH MORSE requests your columnist to ai- ask the couple who parked in his drive es way to please find somewhere else to ds neck, as he cannot sleep while watch .. ing them. In Brief included with that of my very dear ig friend and associate, Mr. Shimmy he Blitch, since our names are always ed used together." he DESERTER ed It has been announced by Mr. Bum id mel Barley that there is a deserter in id his small social group. After much persuasion, he disclosed to us that his name was Machy Gills. I- " t TUTOR t- "In the future I shall charge a min es imum of $2 per lesson in tutoring stu dents in trig," said Mr. Karl Nuisance er after meeting with great success with . Virginia Snake of Columbia College. id Asked what he got from her, he only er smiled. ds FRANCE Prof. Maurice Stepins, professor of French at the University, has an nounced that he will go to France ie next summer to study the French Ian ie guage. d "My accent is getting a bit rusty," 'r he said. I~ "I wish...I mean weesh to go ovair . an' polish eet oop a little...er, leetle." Prof. Stepins said that he would probably go alone on his journey, as he could enjoy seclusion better when d he was alone. -U... - "Baby Rea" i Is Banned lie "Take this book to the most secret id corner of the stacks! Never shall daylight beam on it again I" Professor Chickadee, head librarian at the Uiii versity was heard to shout yesterday. "The student body must not be al t- lowed to read such an obscene book. r- Baby Rea must go!" I- "It's a vile book," Mrs. Punter, the s. desk attendant agreed, "I tried to read .. it, but I couldn't understand it so I d put it down." She blushed demurely e- and hung her head. a "Imagine!" stormed Chickadee; "It o says here that Baby Rea hadl three n, kittens! What woul'd the alumnli say if they knewv that the studenits were reading things like this?" His voice sank to a whisper. "It even says the is llaby Rea had a mother!" t "I took the liberty of hiidinig another ai book from the prying eyes of the stu V: denit body,'' Mrs. P'unter ventured. S"It's called The Little Lame Prince, and( contains all sorts of dlespicale things. It's wvritten ini a stream of consciousness style; it mtust be wvick "Excellent," said Professor Click adee, "You must keep oni the lookout. And if anyone requests these hooks you must quote scripture to thiem anid hand them out Bible tracts. Students must not be allowed to learn the facts of life!" ITHE JEWEL Box J 1605 Main 8treet "COLUMB IA'S PROGRESSIVE JEWELER'S TERMS ARRANGED MONDAY & NEXT' Women too da Caroinaat large!i Too - WEDNE8SDJ NEXT V On The SIX BIG ACTS "TOWN S( THURSDAY - FRIEJ NEXT 1 BOBBY BREEN in' With NEn) SPArS EDITOR RUNS FOR OFFICE Nude Harmon, editor of the Gar ment We Lack, has announced his intention to enter the race for cheer leader in the forthcoming elections. Harmon, popular among the stu dents, says that he believes himself to be especially well qualified for the office. He called attention to his copious mouth, his ruddy lips, and his sparkling teeth. He is also noted for his ability to sing, being a member of the Glue Club. Harmon announced that he expected little opposition for the office. He said that he was the only logical can didate for the office, and that he in tended to vote for himself at least 10 times. Rock Smith Finds Rocks Among a collection of fossils re cently exhibited by Dr. L. L. (Pet rified) Smith were the following: 1. A specimen of Professorus Ken nidius Roarus, solidified from the ad- fr am's apple up. 2. A specimen of Professorus Mau- w ricia Stephania, (well preserved), j smelling slightly of cognac and fougi- a ere royale. (This specimen found a sandwiched in between a strata of spats and cigarette holders is always E accompanied by the similar species It Professorus Uncle Billius Sylvanus.) a 3. A queer example of dead factory of Sigmanure, commonly known as Messhallsteakus. This, submitted to test, was found to be utterly unstab SYLVAN BROS. JEWELERS AND DIAMOND MERCHANTS Class Rinps - Medals and Pins of the iUm Main Street Corner Main and Hampton Streets COLUMBIA, S. C. 1Oc STRAND 15c -SATURDAY ONLY GENE AUTRY in G- uNLS and GuITAR1S"s CLARK WALLACE GABLE BEERY -in "HELL DIVERS" -MONDAY - TUESDAY DICK FORAN in "Empty Holsters" -WEDNESDAY ONLY Wynn Gibson - Warren Hull "Michael O'Halloran" - -THURSDAY - FRIDAY FRIDAY ONLY Eddie Cantor in "ALI BABA GOES TO TOWN" SATURDAY ONLY BUCK JONES in "BoSS Of Lonely Valley" 3 STOOGES in "THE SITTER DOWNERS" Chapter 4 "Zorro Rides Again" Late Show Saturday Nite 10:45 P. M. FRED STONE in "QUICK MONEY" TUESDAY I WJEEK igerous to be beautiful to Ca oln N IN bY ONLY . lEEK Stage AY - SATURDAY VEEK 'HAWAII CALLS" - InVn S. CO== "Sister" Seen here is an A. D. Pie in hun g season. Pledgie season is ope om Sept. 5th to 12th. This pictu as taken in mid-season. >le, unpierce-able, uncut-able. Tru remarkable specimen. 4. Found crushed in the files of ti nglish Journal, one Student Studiou idications are that it perished eot o in the midst of very great pain. 5. One Sandwich Canteenus Cocl STEWARD'S HALL A Gentleman's Cafeteria WOMAN'S CAFETERIA Where Friends Meet Value Variety Service Progress Carolina Life Insurance Co. SELLS A POLICY SUITABLE TO THE NEEDS OF EACH MEMBER OF THE FAMILY Industrial - Old Line 'It Is Better To Have It And Not Need It Than To Need It And Not Have It" In a ran fuxurian of neckcti patterns, Made b NEW HAIR MADE POSSIBLE Revolutionizing the beauty-products industry, Prof. G. W. Sherrill, politi cal science teacher at the University, has announced a new discovery guar-. anteed to prevent falling hair, and warranted to grow hair where none is. Proving the value of his discovery, the pedagogue displayed a head full of bristling, shaggy, black hair. "This," he said, "was grown with my new patent hair grower and re storer. I guarantee that it will grow hair into the land of your dear, de parted ancestors,...er, (that's not what I mean-that was the lecture that I gave my class this morning). It will grow hair on solid marble! Just look what it did for mel" "Do you know how many people suffer from baldness every year? No? Well, I don't either." Having concluded his stirring testi monials as to the effectiveness of his new remedy, Prof. Sherrill retired to his office to review the jokes that he planned to tell the next day to his t- political science classes. n -U. R. C. e NURSIE Lou Carleo, former nursemaid to - Papa Stepin's little girl Anne, has y once more displayed the maternal in stincts that lie deeply imbedded in his e soul. After giving Frank Sousemann s. his own patented cure, a mixture of is castor oil, orange juice, epsom salts, listerine, peanuts, pepsodent tooth paste, and aqua velva, getting more than satisfactory results, Lou now an nounces the establishment of his nursemaid's bureau. Now fully qualified to take care of bigger and better babies, Lou has voiced the hope that the next baby will be five feet two, blonde, blue eyes, and tipping the scales at 102. roachus. 6. One Collar Lipscombius. 7. One Automobileus McCleodus. 8. A Professorus Murchisonus found imbedded in a group of Scripturus Biblicus. 9. Two examples of the genus Stu dent Stickamongus: Of the species Haskell and Bargeron. -U. . 0. MOVIE A motion picture, "Fifty Tri-Delts and a Boy," was filmed recently on the campus by Peerin Kennedy, Caro lina's peeping tom. The big scene comes when the boy, John Knee Cow o Od Nope, Daisy won't tell I a tip from us-bring Da A TASTY If you have a party in nx we are headquarters foi PHONE COLUI * SAND WIC ge of rich fabrics from rough weave t silkcs, you will find Arrow's large a es replete with a colorful variety of Superbly tailored -resilientco y the makcers of Arrow ShLrs.$ a BOOK BABBUNGS REFUSED OZONE Orders received this week by au thorities of station WIS from the Federal Communications Commission have banned all further broadcasts of "Book Interviews," broadcast pre sented by Mrs. Maude Hawkins of the University English department The action came as a result of a dramatized review of the book "Of Mice and Men." The order cited as cause the use of expressions detrimental to the public morals, and unfit for children. Mrs. Hawkins, commenting on the action of the F. C. C. said that she thought it to be both unreasonable and unjust She said that she personally had cen sored the script to be used, and had found no objectionable matter con. tained in it. -U. S. 0. bell, does the "Big Applesauce" a dance of his own creation, in which he shags to the clapping accon1panimflent of the Tri-Delts. The picture will be sent to the high schools of the state to bring all the longing wall flowers to Carolina to become Tri-Delts. THE MAYFAIR RESTAURANT An attractive and modern place to eat at no extra cost 1421-23 Main Street ALL NITE . EU . DEPENDABLE TAXI SERVICE CHECKER CAB CO. Telephone 2-3311 OUR RATES ARE AS LOW AS THE LOWEST Oolumbia's Preferred Transportation )AISY WON'T TELL [enry, but Henry take isy by for SNACK Lind-REMEMBER 'PARTY SUPPLIES H SHOP 1246 La, boucIe to. ssortment exclusive struction. nd .$150a