Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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? UNIVERSITY^F^^^^LD CAROLINA Volume: Hiavmn* Only Know* WEDNESDAY, APRIL 1,1931 Number: Same am Volvunm ' 11 " ". 1 "iiij i i , . it ,,.. i i .' n i riji'iil'ii'i i. 'ii i' nxi if.nJiii ' lr ' ' < ' ' ' ' --- - DIRTY I PLAYERS GIVE "BABY CYCLONE" BEFORE CORPS Greeted With Bowls and Hisses; Cadets Wield I Egg? WithAccuracf The presentation of "The Baby Cyclone" by the Palmetto Players ;>tas accorded great success last night at Clemson College before an audience of thirteen huhdred intoxicated cadets, twenty Clemson coeds and four white persons. The hilarious comedy\ was presented with a finish that is rarely seen among amateurs, a delightful climax being offered when fourteen growling Tigers lynched Wee Willie Dean, producer of the worst road show that has ever toured this state. The large and unpleasant cast was highly disliked. Joe Stokes as Meadowa was given some of the largest and dirtiest bright-cracks ever thrown at a stage star. Rudy Vallee k with his grapefruit was not in the picture, the cadets wielding rotten hen fruit with remarkable accuracy. Margaret Mann gave her usual pain-in-the-neck performance, to the displeasure of the "crowd. In the last act her negligee unfortunately slipped from her person and her lingerie caused some pointed comment The part of the fussy wife was well filled by Marion Deanvfeut her acting does not give due credit to her lack oi general intelligence and common sense. William Broughton, the University's mdbt beautiful male, waa slightly soused and his acting waa all wet. The general opinion of the enthusiatic crowd was that if Bill ia the best looking man at Carolina the rest of the males must look like hell. (Continued on page three) ILLICIT RELA' If JUDGE SHOT BY VIGIL/ Caught red-handed last night i: Jones, dishwasher of Melton ! president of the University of So ered this morning by the irate C Judge Smith was very popular as head of the University until he waa run off die campus last month because he refused to sanction the proposed consolidation of Carolina with Booke* Washington High School. Caught With Goods His illicit relations were discovered when Deans Teddy Baker and Reed Smith saw him snooping around Melton Hall last night. Suspccting thai he was trying to pull the wool over the Carolina students, they investigated. Upon seeing him enter the back door, Teddy grabbed Reed closer to his manly form and crept to 'one of the windows Little Judge strode into Mary's bedroom. In their excitement, Judge rushed out of the house and < five hundred Carolina students rushed to the scene. Fearing that something was wrong, Davie rushed out of the house and Straight Into the arms of ponderous Punkie Atkinson, who squeezed him In his bear-like hug. Judge squealed, Teddy ran to and fro like a wet hen, but the massive Punk still Held his captive. Queen Ann Saves Day Hearing all the commotion, Toot, Toot Olson sent in the call for the Black Maria, but the call miscarried and Queen Ann of Stewards Castle rushed up with a pillow of feathers and a bucket of liquid tar. Evidently heft coming frightened away from her original purpose, she thrust them into ~ . {Contimtd onpw CROOKS Graft F NEW MTOR I Wilson O. "Louise" (misprint fori i "Wowsie") JWeldon, editor of "The I Gamecock" for this issue. The regular I editor, LeRoy M. Want, is ill with a I r guilty conscience. MILLS DROWNS Dr. J. E. Mills, better known as the I Tadpole Kjng^ was Jfound dead and I , floating in his bath tub at the bottom I floor of LaConte College. Rumor and J accounts of witnesses present, state that] while poisoning the tadpoles, Doctor! 1 Mills mistook himself for a ffog-face! 1 and dived into the poisonous liquid con- I tained in the bath tub. His death is indeed a great loss, as he I was a member of Chi Omega and is the I . Kingfish of the Lodge of the Mystic I Knights of the Sea. I riONS OF TH EXPOSED kNT STUDENTS n the private boudoir of Mrs. Mary Hall, Judge "I Catch-em" Smith, uth Carolina, was tarred and featharolina student body. : BAND CONTORTS STOMACHS INTO TWISTED KNOTS [ I Piute Wimberly Saves Mess Hall Money by Destroying Students' Appetites Piute Wimberly and his Mess Hall 1 Stomach-achers, famous kings of syncopation, are on their fiftieth triumphant 1 tour <of the University cafeteria. For many moons they have played on various instruments, mostly tin-pans and knives, and to this date only ninety patrons have sucumbed from indigestion. > No one has been able to understand ( why the Stomach-achers were con* 1 traoted to play at the mess hall. The ' great Piute himself attributes it to a miscarriage of fate; Mrs. Henning to the fact that someone pulled the wool over her eyes. The only reason why the orchestra remains is to aid in the digestion of beloved "horse-meat." The lowsy leader of the infamous 1 musicians garnered his protegees from various and sundry parts of the uncivilized world. Piute personally can't remember his life any further back than the day he was born, somewhere down in the swamps of Dorchester county. ' lljVJb^n a baby, he was dropped from a ; RUNNI 7ound Ir ; _ . V ? Bribes Net S Thousand . Through the ever-resourceful nosefor-newsing of the illustrious "Y" Handbook staff, a vile and putrid system of graft has been unearthed in the honor committed. Unofficial reports have it that Mason C. Brunson has cleared over IS thousands of dollars in hush money since the beginning Of this year, and Martha Aiken is supporting seventeen foreign missions with the drag which she has engineered. The system that these horrible persons of the honor committee used was simply this. When one was caught cheating and brought up before the committee he was asked, not are you guilty or not, but how much money have you got? The idea worked with varying success, when members of Phi Beta Kappa were caught, they were always good for at least five or ten dollars. Robert Wauchope is said to have paid as much as $15.98 in hush money at one time. The low water mark was reachcd when J. W. Brown was up ?the most the committee could squeeze out of him was $1.03 and a wire coat hanger. May Queen Cai Watch C Yes, elections are approaching and the responsibility of electing a May Queen. Big boss W. C. Herhert an- * nounces that as.usual the elections will be all on the up and up. The University ha$.always been individual in that there are no organized politics on the campus. All candidates are picked purely on merit and many friends have deserted each other because the candidate has not been deserving. The field of aspirants for the Queen ' of the May is unusually representative this year. Fanny Phillips; winner of the campus' best-looking contest should drag in some of the votes. Miss 1 Phillips has been perusing around the ' lobby of tenement 20 looking'superb- ( ly coy. Rowena Jones, that fragrant flower from the Bohemian House, has tucked < her Sigma Chi pin in pretty closely and announced that she had better be i watched. ? Several students have been heard to ? mumble disparagingly about Mary B. 1 Taylor, "I don't want ^hat old piece of Taylor for May Queen." Willie B. should make a nice run if the weather i is foggy (poor visibility) and she stays : away from the polls. I Scarface Culbertson supports none 1 other than little Margaret Dial, the I Little Nell of the campus. (Has he 1 done right by our little Nell?) Marshaling his forces from the corners of the 1 campus, Culbertson confides that his i candidate will, be swept through to 11 victory. 1 Blufton Mary of Pinckney, New 1 Rochelle, N. Y. and all points down < should run a dead heat with Rowena i Jones. These two girls are sisters in j that old debating society, A. D. Pi. 1 Elousybeth Belcher, Hattie Mae Still, Miriam O'Dell, and Mary Furtick t are all suffering from dysentery tmt < should be in form for the contest. s 2 FRATERNITI Y. W. BY SHI Pi Kappa Phi and Sigma Nuisance, ] two local fraternities at the University 1 of Soused CarolinA, were sold to the < highest bidder by Sheriff William Heath i at public auction yesterday. The lucky bidder'was the Y. W. C. A. I NGFOf | Honor tudents Is of Dollars J. J. Brown and Eddie Sikes were brought up before the committee so often that they were sold season tickets. "It is expensive," says Mister Sikes, "but one has to pay for protection." All would have gone on unapprehended had it not been for Doctor Bradley's consistent contention that he was due to get a cut of the graft. "I started up this thing last year" stated Doctor Bradley, "why shouldn't I reap some of the benefits now that it's working smoothly?" Mason Brunson, who is lodged in the death house at the Federal prison, states, "I am quite happy right here where I am; I could ask no more than to be in the same cell with Rachael Muller and Elizabeth Harlee?they are such nice company." The student body demands a hanging, to be held publicly on the Bull St. wall. There is some question whether the members of the honor committee or the members of the faculty should suffer the penalty. ndidates ampus Closely JUNIOR CROOKS AREEXPOSED Proved to be Ringleaders in Dangerous Gang of Murderous t Embezzlers Bill Broughton, who recently politicked enough votes to get himself elected the best dressed man on the campus, is in the Lincoln 'Street hoosegow waiting trial for wholesale embezzlement, larceny, and theft of all money he could get bis hands on as president of the junior class. Bill Herbert, Lester Hamilton, and Kitty Martin are out on bond as accessories before the fact. The arrest of Broughton came dramatically last night as he was just about to pay for a pack of cigarettes at Burnett's. He was apprehended through the untiring efforts of Robert Buncan D'Ass. Mr. D'Ass stated that he has been on the trial of the junior president for some time, but that he could get no absolute proof. "But 1-*st night he gave himself away," saiu le professor. "He lias never in three years been known to buy a cigarette, even taking the trouble to walk over a mile to bum a Camel." Investigation proved that the thievery has been going on for a long time. The first 'person to get an inkling of what was Happening was Doctor Wauchope, who noticed that Mr. Broughton was suyng lots of clothes, and that Bill Columbus Herbert was getting a fresh narcel each week. He joined a correipondence school for detectives and hen coached Bob Bass in his work. Doctor Wauchope refuse to comment onight on whether he believed in\ the >ld saying that it takes a thief to catch t thief. ES SOLD TO ERIFF HEATH Bills against them toaled $1,500.00, of which only fifty cents had been paid. The iebts were incurred by jhe purchase of new houses and furnishings. Captain of the Basketball Teapi DuPre, prominent Sigma Nuisance, says : 'By this sell-out. to the 'Y,? we hope to \ PRESI Group FATIGUED This is a recent snapshot of Mason Branson, Jr., editor-in-chief of the "Garnet and Black," taken just as he returned from an unsuccessful hunt of his beauty section. It is rumored that he finds it necessary to put bloodhounds on the trail. The costume is for the purpose ot disguise, but the editor was assured by his good friend, Mrs. O'Dell, that he could easily be recognized. STUDENT ACTS 1 - 4 Earl Carroll has announced that the leading role of his "Vanities" of 1932 will be played by Marshall Williams. Mr. Carroll considers Williams a tremendous find for his reviews. The great director discovered the star by an accident at the University of South Carolina. While visiting that southern university in hopes of finding among the coeds new chorus material, he saw Williams make his way across the campus with that distinctive, chorus-girl walk so familiar to his fellow students. Recognizing genius at once, Earl Carroll hurried the young man to the Columbia Hotel and produced a dotted line on which he signed. ROWDY POKE] WRECKS a PROMINE Eight prominent students, inch body, the presidents of Phi Epsilo ties, the president of the Clariosopl in-chief of "The Gamecock," wer playing poker, both stud and strip rr AND (ML CLUB COMBINE TO ADOPT CAR Baby Austin Becomes Child of Religious Group and Partner Have you seen "auntie bella amalgamated" bathing its baby Austin? This glucous and soggy order, formed from the elite Y. W. C. A. and not so nice (but warm) Grill Club, and its adoption of the baby has caused quite a scandal among the people on the campus. Recently a chick race was held as the girls washed one side of the car with salty water and the lads the other with soap suds. Ecod Finsay won by his stance as he moistened the top with several drops of luke-warm water. A feeling of love and ejection has permeated the new group. Bubber Elliot and Hack a way Still are a committee to destroy the banana orchard the girls had planted in the yard of the Blue Key house, Doug Jones and Margaret Gregg are DENCY FIVE ASPIRE TO |WIN BIG HONOR OF HEAD CHIEF Bostick, Stokes, Revelise, Brailsford, DuPre Run by Politicans Every y?ar the students get together or apart and put some dirty crook in the office of student-body president. 1 here is an unusually dirty bunch of crooks running this year. Pi Kappa Phi makes a bid for the limelight in the person of Big Shot Bostick. His life on the campus reads like an Alger novel. From country lad to big shot in three years. Bostick offers a pair of green chemise given to him by Jazzy Coleman to anyone who will bring him the most votes. Boss Stokes, the master mind, has decided that he will give the students a break. His candidacy has been definitely announced by his campaign managers. Jimmy "Grog" Brailsford, the campus sot, is running on a platform built for him by Lem Cagler and Fox. Brailsford is in favor of including a fee in the University tuition charge to cover expenses for maintaining a dispensary to furnish good charred corn to the student body. The battler announces that the chasers will be on him when you go to the polls. By way of anecdote it is said that if Brailsford should be cremated he would bum with a blue flame. Max Revelise is again socialist candidate. Maxy is probably \the hottest thing on the campus. He should poll the female vote solid. Doc Merriweather says, "Er-uh-er-uh-er-uh-eruh." He is our candidate. Abraham Isadore Alexander Underwear Windshield wiper Captain of the basketball team Sigmanu Dupre is (Continued on page two) r party II VREERS OF NT STUDENTS iding the president of the student n Pi and Kappa Beta Phi fraterniiic Literary society, and the editofe expelled early this morning for Those expelled under the latest action of the discipline committee include Yates Williams, the student body official; Benedict W. Hyman and J. J. Mack, the fraternity leaders; John Bolt Culbertson, the literary society head; LeRoy M. Want, the campus editor; Marshall Williams, brother of Yates; Riley Gettys, member of the Board of Publications, and Bland Hammond, prominent social leader. Dastardly Conduct The specific charge entered against the culprits was one of conduct unbecoming of a scholar and a gentleman. Authorities refused to confirm rumors that women were in the Burney College room where the game was in progress. The eight were caught about midnight yesterday. "Judge" Blankhead, the campus policeman, says that several others escaped through the windows, but he is not certain of their identities. The policeman, being informed of the location of the gamblers by Harry Freeman, the well-known campus tattler, knocked on the door to give yarning of his presence. -i ! When the identity of the pers# knocking became known, a frantic efWh 10 nt>t<<e by a,!