Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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APRIL FOOL University of South Carolina VOL. XXI COLUMBIA, S. C.-EXACTLY 3A .bL '.i.IT--MARCH- - 3 APRIL 1 No. 22 MERCI Policeman Chief of Police Cantey Escapes To Parts Unknown After A Brisk Difficulty With "Bugs" Moore at Headquarters IS AUTOMATICALLY FIRED Diligent Search is Being Made For His Where About& Chief L. M. Cantey, chief of the campus police deparment is being sought, by a group of detectives head ed by Judge Bankead on chiarges of drunk and disorderly condtict and as sault and battery with intent to maim ne "Bugs Moore." The affray took' olace last night, at police headquarters ibout eleven o'clock, after whieh Chief Cantey suddenly. disappeared: Dean Baker announced him as being automatically fired from the f8rce. Dr. Moore is in a serious condition at the Canine hospital suffering from wounds, it is alleged, which 'were in flicted by the hands of J. Marshall Cantey. It seems that "Bugs" went up to the office to see if he could persuade "Judge" to fix a light bulb in his "bug incubator." Seeing a light in the of fice he opened the door and proceded to go in (that's his privilege. cause he's a member of the Fire Department). There he found Mr. Cantey in the act of trying to take his pants off over his head. With the assistance which "Bugs" so readily offered, (he saw the fruit jar on the desk.) this was soon accomplished by merely cutting the pants to shreds. After a few prelinii nary warming-up "sniffels" it seems that the Marshall was perambulating around just between a waver and a stagger and that "Bugs" being an old "liquor head" was stitl on his feet and going strong. Being like all drunks-they all talk whei inebriated-Mar shall began telling of the ease with which lie had passed a. forged check. It seems that this check had been forged on the account of that supine gentleman Mr. Charlie Mercer, who, by the way, is making loads of money for the University at the canteen. This work ip the canteen, for which he re ceiVes not a penny is one of the no blest acts in the scope of campus af fairs. After a few drinks, "Bugs" was broadcasting a lecture, over the tele phone, on the mother cell of Pallavi ciniaz while Cantey plays the accom painment by some sounds common to drunks but not permissable in the best of societies. This being over it seems that the drunker of the two being puri bus naturilibus (with apology to Harry Stottle) from the waist line down was determined that he should have the pedal extremity coverings of Doctor Moore, who by the way, was- just as determined that he had to wear them home himself 'cause his legs being slightly parenthetically inclined lhe might cause the fact to become known. Soon they were scuffling for the pos wession of the treasured trousers and it seems that Marshall struck "Bugs" over the head with a chair-said chair being shattered at the,,ijnpact of two such extremely hard substances. It merely raised a bump on the fire mem he.rs bean. Dr. Moore was assisted home by some of the boys who had M -R TO Cantey Is FREE-FOR-ALL IS STAGED BY THE BIG THREE Lord Highness, King Thomas Blows Off 50 Gallon Charred Barrel GURGLES PREDOMINANT Deacon Edwards, Winner of In dividual Drinking Cup Entertains The Big three of the Three-Corner ed Coalition of the University of South ,Carolina staged a frec-for-all contest at the University gym during the past wQek-.end, that will he remembered after posterity ceases to function with the hour glass. The lid was blown off a fifty gallon charred barrel by King Thomas Moore Craig. who previous to his connection with the Canadian club, was a mem her of theHouse of Lords. Haig and Ilaig had charge of the program at the ceremony, and conducted them selves in such a manner that repeated applause kept them bowing and un bent in appreciation. The inter-trio relay teams started the hilarity with a race resplendent with thrills. The Chanticleers were represented by their president Count John Steele Brice, Dr. Kershaw Walsh, iuke Fdward K. Pritchard and Bar ron H. A. Bridges. They eliminated the hooded K. S. K. crew, composed 1f their high and all powerful parli n-entarian, Sir Thomas, Professor Curtis Brock, Earle V. R. Gregory and his Honor "Hotair" Grimsley after two periods were used in Blood Hilde brand. P. C. McInnis, and Crank lark met the Chanticleers in the fin -ils. Barron H. A. Bridges was pro 'ested on account of being charged w;th professionalism, but he remained on the team. W' .--v-i w, iwe Ewhl I usc Stewart Polygamy Trial Next Week Plaintiff Puts Can on Russell on Account of Meager Verbiage The sensatinnal trial of l3annie Stew art has taken another turn. After havin bought two juries with his first wife's kisses and the plaintive appeals of the hild:ren of his second supposed mar ri-age: he has as last dlesp)airedl of buiying an9other f utry, dismissed hi-s attorney. D)anold Russel oin account of in ferior vo'ce and( meager vo cabulary, aid im nortedl \larcus Collins as ch'ef attorney r the defense. Blood Hildebrand, ian other soul of honor, has again changed -ides as he feel's it will he to his b)es' interest to work with Mr. Collins. The next trial will be held April 31. All friends of Mr. Stewart are urged to lhe present in order to get a place on he~ jury. They will be reimbersed by hie Bturne-l Treremenit ? Detective Agency. co' far :'s the writer mnn deterine, "--* Cetj has only three wvives tw" of wvhich reside in Columbia and one in 'nilloni. This is of course disregarding the re.norts from Rerno City, Chicago Free -te andl charges made by man and final ly rotused. --William Rndall Hurst ESTAE Discharged Carolina Student Dashes For Record Blue Monkey Tea Room Start ing Point For Charles tonian Dash Mr. Huger Sinkler, whose exploits in track and parlor have gained him the name of "The Marathon Romeo," has a strange tale to tell of mysterious happenings at the old Blue Monkey Tea Room. Mr. Sinkler, accompanied by Mr. Milo Smith, had gone out to call on a lady naamed Sarah, whosi husband is understood to be an en gineer in the employ of the Southert Railroad. As Mr. Sinkler, uttering plaintivL amorous calls of " Sarah, oh, Sarah" knocked on the door, it was immedi ately apparent that all was not exactly as planned by the Charleston Lothario, the door burst open and a man, de scribed by Mr. Sinkler, as seven feet tall and weighing well over three hun dred pounds dashed out with a pistol in his hand, shouting, "I'll teach you to call on Iny wife when I'm out on the road, you so-and-so." Shots rang out; bullets tore through the still night air, and so did Mr. Sinkler. An automobile dashed by just before the first shot was fired, and Mr. Sinkler passed it without apparent effort on the steep grade. Display ing great presence of mind as well as remarkable feats of speed and endur ance, in a little less than three minutes, not even forgetting to wade up a stream to throw the hounds off thel track. He never lost his head, according to his own statement, but just strolled carelessly along; so carelessly, in- fact, that he destroyed three barbed wire fences. rooted up six pine saplings. and almost ruined a railroad embark inent. Traces of the evidence were found upon investigation. ----USC CHASE CAUGHT PLA YING WITH DEAN DILLARD General Fight Ensues Over Vic tim-Wardlaw Brought Into Scandal Suit MOORE YELLS "SHIP 'EM" In a free-for-all poker game yester day. J1ack Chase. Pat WVardlaw and Miss D)illard were arraigned before Al arshall C'antey, the arbiter of social NI iss llard came in muttering curses on the head of Monsieur Chase slipping an extra ace up his sleeve. "Yes, lie shore is a crook" shouted Pat, "he started talking education an" when I got interested, and wasn't pay i'g much attenition to him, he swiped thle pot." About that time A. C. Moore, the corputlent boy wonder, slipped in. yeIling. "Ship 'emi, Marshall ship 'em." A general fight ensued in which Moore was hit in the qiueus catesbaci and immediately yelled "Foul, I've been fouled." However this seemed to have no favorable reaction on the as cembledh multitude which carried away his ntuivering body. ILISH 'From Cat NORWOOD WINS' CHAMPIONSHIP FROM PARSON "Oxford Joe" Kayoes "Malu mute" Murchison in Sixth Round of Bout BURNEY BETS LARGE SUM Mercer is Star Announcer-Back er of Apostles Proves Big Dissappontment In the elimination contest for the heavyweight championship among the faculty members, Joseph Norwood. known to denizens of the underwor<h as "Oxford Joe", kayoed "Maluimute' Murchisan his niost formidable con tender in the sixth round of their ii round bolit. The fight was staged in the Univer sitv field house and was fought before a crowd estimated to be somewhere near the ten thousand mob mark. Just before the light begun, betting ran wild, with Norwood having a slight edge on his grissled oponent. One of the heaviest betters was Chemistry Burney who claims that money means nothing to hin, and he bets for the thrill that he gets out of it. It is tin derstood that Hurney placed fifteen "grand" on the badker of the Apostle,. At ten o'clock. eastern standard tinic the fight was formely announced fron: the ring. Professor Charles Mercer who said that lie didn't mind being a witness to anything and took a fiendish delight in anything brutal, was the an nouincer. Murchison. the backer of the Apost les. who held the championship b\ virtue of his having defeated "On Round" Currell last year, was the first to Climb into the ring. The crow' gave him a large ovation. Ife was im mediately followed by his challanger (Continued on Page Eightl USC Modestry of lRditor Forbids This Sto Staff Gets Late News On White Now Distributing Samples Bruce W. White the present editor of The Gamecock, has recently an-1 nouneed his intention of accepting a oh w.ith the Anerican Paper com pany in New York. Mr. White for some time has been dlistributing hii, samples on the campus to various students. One of these samples ac eidlentally strayed (down to The Game rock office. It seems to be a narrow 'trip) of yellow paperC about four inches in width and comes on rolls. The paper is perforated, which Mr. White sa~vs is to allow anyone wishing to tare ouIt any particular sheet and keep) it is at liberty to do so. The paper is to be used in the ca pacity of a memorandum. Mr. White predicts that this will revolutionize student activities on the campus and elsewhere. A long need for such an article has been felt for this commo dity, and I feel confident that this article willfill the bill. CHAIN npus Force University Canteen Manager Is Organizing a Canteen Chain in Colleges and Uni versities Thoroug out South PHILANTHROPIS WORK Furnish Work Fot- Boys Who Are Struggling Through School "Charming Charlie" Mercer, beloved physics instructor, star witness for the honor committee, and canteen impressa rio, let it be known today that he had al most completed his plans for estabishing a chain of canteens at colleges and uni versities throughout the South. "I hope in this way to continue the great philantropic work which I have been doing at the University of South Caroliua, helping boys to get canteen goods at reasonable prices, reasonable if your lad is a millionaire. If-1 can give a helping hand to some boy who is struggling through school, I will not consider my efforts to have been in vai!,' said the big-hearted charmer when ques tioned as to his motives. Having been questioned so much about the affairs of the canteen, bonnie Prince Charlie always has a reply ready, which is interesting if true. Continuing his deightfid monologue Sir Carohis cracked, "of course I will run these new canteens on the same non profit basis as that on which the Univer sity canteen is run. As everyone knows. I personally havo never gotten a cent out of the canteen. The car that I drive and the perfumed El Cabbagos that I smoke have never been paid foi out of money which I got from the canteen." The delightful East Side twang in "C. F.'s" voice seemed to entrance the news paper men who were eagerly hanging on to every word. "I want to give youse guys some advise," "adding as an after thought," that's all that I will ever give you. This is going to be the biggest piece of charity work since the leasing of Tea-pot Dome by Doheny and Sin clair." The onDy thing which I fear, is that someone will misjudge my motives and misconstrue my every action," sighed the frail, creattre. He seemed on the point of baring hi% heart to the press representative and telling them of his life, but a vision of the free hotel on, Congaree brought him up short. (The first time that he has ever come up short). Concluding his oration, "Charming Charlie" said, "Dr. Burney may join me in this enterprise and if he does, I am sure that the affair will be a huge 'suc cess. Burney, the (lear boy, has such a b)ig heart that I almost hate to ask him, b)ecause he always lets his heart run away with his pocket-book. He just does not. know where to stop when he starts spending money. This is the reason that he so seldom starts." At this point the generous Mercer had' to answer a hurry call sent out by the Salvation Army, which is furnishing the money for the new enterprize in an ef fort to give Charles a start in life. The public best remembers L4e Mer cer as the star witness for the honor committee in a case which attracted,qusite a bit of attention a few weeks ago in its prosecution, answering questions very glibly, and convincing everyone by his. naive and charming manner. He has also won a name for himself throuQ'h his ahility as a racontetw. Hje