Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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7lGA4jcoc,e "To lie for a living; to live while we lie; and when we can lie no more, to lie down and die"-Spencer Mlember of Souih Carolina College Press Association Published Weekly by the Various Literary Societies Terms-$1.50 a Year Entered at the Columbia, South Carolina PostoffGe on November 20, 1908, as Second-Class Mail Matter Naws Iulas may be handed in to members of the staff, or phoned to editorial rooms at 907 South Main Street, Phone number 4109, between the hours of I to 6 p.m. on Wednesday, and 10 to 11 a.m. or 2:30 to 5 p.m. on Thursdays. EITORIAL STAFF Editor-in-chief .......................... Annanias Associate Editor ...............Napoleon Bonaparte Assbciate Editor ........................ Hannibal Co-ed Editor .................. Lucretia Borgia Athletic Editor .......................... Hercules News Editor ...................... Peter the Great Joke Editor ............................ Diogenes BUSINESS STAFF Business Manager ........................ Croesus Assistant Business Manager ................ Ponzi Advertising Manager ............... P. T. Barnum Circulation Manager .....................Columbus REPORTERS Don Quixote, Mahommed, Atilla, Henry VIII, Carl Marx, Charles I, Rousseau, Marie Antoinette, Pope Gregory, Yates Snowden, Loeb and Leopold, W. J. Bryan, Dfarwin, Bismark, Zoroaster, H. L. Mencken MOTTO-A beau jeu, beau retour (Latin Translation-"Tit for Tat") MARCH 31--APRIL 1 Recommendations In reviewing the events of the last year, The Yellow Sheet cannot but appreciate the fruits of the drive for bigger and better chapel services. Without wishing to de tract from the credit due the d'ninistration of the University, the Yellow Sheet believes that the caliber of these exercises is similar to the views expressed in the April 1st edi tion. But in keeping with the progressive pol icy of this paper, the editors feel it their duty to make certain recommendations. Of course, these suggestions have already been considered by the faculty, and only their modesty prevents them from advancing the proposals. At all times that The Yellow Sheet has proposed scientific legislation the faculty had already made similar plans months before. The Yellow Sheet, there fore claims credit only for publishing these ideas. In outline form they are: 1. That the numbler of interesting chap el speakers be increased from 9.625 per cent, to 10 per cent. In order that this reform may be accomplished, The Yellow Sheets suggests two plans: (a) To omit (for at least one time) the speech-making portion of the program when it is impossi ble to secure any one else than a two-by four nonentity; (b) That the first sugges tion be extended to include determined either to put a congregation to sleep or bore it with puterile attacks on science. 2. That the present seats be replaced with comfortable lounges in order that the students may sleep in comfort during the exercises. This move would do away with the present tendency toward matching pen nies and studying during the exercises for, what student would not prefer sleep! In order to prevent any objectionable noises from arising, the Yellow Sheet proposes that masks be supplied at a nominal fee for those wvho snore. 3. Should suggestion "2" be accep)ted, the Yellow Sheet heartily endorses the movement for a larger chapel-sufficient to accommodate the entire student body. The motto of this newspaper is "EIqual op.. portunities to all; special privileges to none." (This plan would, of course, obviate any measure for compulsory attendance.) 4. That the other parts of the exercises be discontinued nnd Mesrs. Maur..ce M,a teson,. R. G. Bell, and L. L. Carpenter be appointed to tell bedtime stories in sotto voce. The Yellow Sheet would further pro vide (a) that any or all of these gentlemen. be discharged should they talk above a whisper and (b) that other equally compe tent members of the faculty be appointed to fill their places. -USC Credit Is Due No little credit is due the administration of the University for their untiring efforts which have resulted in a government branch post office on the campus. Contrary to the exgectations of the pessi mists, the authorities have secured a special dispen sation from the Postmaster General who has given his personal assurance that the matter will 5e looked into as soon as the farm bloc, the league of nations bloc, the Muscle Shoal question, Phillipine Independence, and the trans-Atlantic aeroplane ser vice proposals have been disposed of. The announce ment that by 1954 positive action will be taken. should be the grounds for a special holiday. In the opinion of the Yellow Sheet, the claim that the University has never suffered from the en tanglements of red tape has at last been justified. Those sour notes who disturb the harmony of the student body should seek their hiding places. Side by side, the administration and The Yellow Sheet have marched on to victory. The monument to these warriors will be most appropriately a modest branch post office, which will sell stamps, attend to registered and insured mail, offer parcel post accommodation, and earn the dime expended in order to seccure Special Delivery service, by April 1, 1954. No longer will any one-horse town outshine the great state University with its enrollment of over 1400 men and women. Carolina will proudly lift her head (in 1954 A.D.) because she has secured for her sons and daughters what is their natural right an adequate post office system. Those who have scoffed at promises will now be strangely silent. The ajdministration has made good its promise with its accustomed Iromptness. And whether or not the student appreciate this great service, their child ren (or, perhaps, their grandchildren) will shout mighty huzzas for the administration-in 1954 A.D. -USC We're Agin It ! In regard to the recent controversy on stocking the magnificent fountain presented to the University by the class of 1925, the Yellow Sheet wishes to express its unalterabie stand against gold fish. In the opinion of this paper no other move could so indelibly stamp the student body a group of spineless and senseless men and women. They could make no other choice which would proclaim the decay of the spirit of Carolina and reveal to the insidious foes of this great institution the vanishing spirit of sportsmanship. It may be granted that the finny creatures with coats of purest gold make excellent decorations for the front parlor, that they were so created by Nim rod as to piease the fancy of aged spinsters and bachelors grown old too soon. But in this day of red-blooded American men and women who is there to advocate the stocking of the great fountain with such insipid creatures as gold fish? That man or woman is assuredly connected with the Bolshevist movement and is determined to undermine the prin ciples which have made America's name synonymous wvith other great organizations like Standard Oil or Pennsylvania Railroad. For those poor sports who suggest that the foun tain be stocked with suckers, the Yellow Sheet feels a great sympathy. No more representative a fish could be chosen for the people of South Carolina. The monument would become a living symbol of the people who year after year elect representatives who do nothing year after year. Most representative I but let not our shame be flaunted in our faces when ever we may seek the restful surroundings of this most beautiful body of water. No, that plan must be abandoned. The logical solution to the probaem is. to select mountain trout-that bewitchingly sportive creature. By his presence the University fountain wvould be come famous throughout the world. Sportsmen would flock hither by the thousand to enjoy their favorite pastime. A nominal fee might be charged and the proceeds could be used to extend the already magnificent educational structures of the university of the noble state of Soutl) Carolina. Well may the class of 1925 be proud of its gift to Alma Mater. Upon~ the campus of greater Carolina it is indeed a priceless gem set in a diadem of beau tiful stones. .Hearty Endorsement The Yellow Sheet heartily endorses the new inti-bathing law passed by the legislature, since t will eliminate the necessity of even thinking of such unpleasant things as baths on the Sabbath. rhe Yellow Sheet is sorry that a member of the University faculty should be one of the first to be unished for breaking the law, but it heartily en dlorses the stand taken by Marshall Hines in per forminge his duty ans an office of ten law The Forumh piinon randent tffaira. A depameat1 ew~ing J onse for ideas. Addreas yew letter. to te EDITOR,IN-CHIRF. ThE GAMUCOCK EditoR of THe YALLER SheeT: HoNoreD Sir : - I JUST wish 2 use .A LITtle of YoUr valuabLE space To PRotest against sEV eral thingS HEre on THis HeRE Campus. I DON't think It ShoUld be ALlowed tHat SOme boys should liafta Sit By PREtty girls in GEology ClassES whilst us pore DEvils SHOUlD hafta sit next TO None at All, or worse, some hArd Faced Knocker like SIDney BurNs or ED rObinsOn. BEsIdes, I don't THink iTs wright To Allow Dr.SMith aNd Hoy EarGLE to have Dates with THE preTTy bimBoes WHILst WE Are tryinG to Learn About RoX. EnnyWaYs, WHeNever I LOOk at My rooMmates Hard Face, I doNt THink I orTer Hafta TaKe GeOlogY eenyways. But THat Aint All I goTta Protest agin. THose SeaTs in Dr. Mosses'es SiChoLerGy Class is Not ComFOrt able For Us tew Set In. I THink That if He Wuz 2 Sit in 1 of ThEm threw 1 LeckTuRe We Would Have Some NiCe ComFORTable Seats LIKe they Is in The BASeMent of the jeroME HoTel. I Just WishES tew CoAguLate You on THe FaLSIty of YOUR honored Papers and 2 THank You Agin FoR Your Kind ATteNtion. Yours for A BeTter UnIVersitY, (Signed) O. HELL WARR P.S.-PLease PardoN Prototypographical ERrors entered HereiN. -USC It Is a Very, Very Wise Fool Who Knows His Own Foolishness By Imp EVERY year MAKE the * * * *c.. ABOUT THIS time PUPPETS dance. * * **** THE great mass of PERHAPS he loves *** ~* * * SAPS, MORONS, asses THOSE WHO always * * * - AND nincompoops LAUGH as *** *** DECIDE they will HE does at the * * *. **** DO something COMEDY and *** THAT WILL make TRAGEDY of life a*** * * * THE other fellow AND s SEEM FOOLISH HE GIVES them * *** AND when * * MOEoprt*te THEY are successful THEY bray with * *C * GREAT glee that * *c * THE victim may AEI h APPRECIATE their FVRo h WIT. c ** * * SHOULD they fail BTTEws e * ** * THE other fellow TELHAthmn ENJOYS his laugh WOluh * ** * ALONE. SOME LAUGHTAEWHTi NO matter what GVNHM n THE JEST orSORWith WHO THE jester. BUDNtefo THOSE few are PLCSohiow NEAREST the GREAT BUFFON who* C * *c NO,fos PULLS and jerks ** * ** LAG,lu*,lh THE STRINGS tha * * Y.M.C.A BARBBR EXCELLENT WORK REASONABLE PIUC;I L. M. McCaerr,Prep. Your Perenage AEppreciated "The Hos of Quality" EAtablished in 1844 THE R.'L. BRYAN COMPANY Bodcs, Stationery. Printing, Bind ing, Office Furniture & Splecialties Columbia. South arolina This Is To Invite You to The Rose Mary 1218 Washington Street Breakfast-Seven-thirty to Ten Lunch-Twelve to Four Dinner and S S mr-Five to EveryDelicacy of the Season A Warw Welome Always SANITARY CAFE 1345 Main Street SAVOY CAFE KNOWN FOR QUALITY Open Day and Night Polite Attention 1327 Main St. Columbia, S. C. SYLVAN BROS. Jewelers and Diamond Merchants Class Rings and Pins Always in Stock or Gladly Made Up 1500 Main St. Columbia, S. C. Wing field's Drug Store 1443 Main Steme