Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

Below is the OCR text representation for this newspapers page. It is also available as plain text as well as XML.

TWO GRAND SENIORS TO DISCOVER POLE Hemingway and Stork Leave in June on Great Exploration Trip. Purdy Couldn't Go. Willie Stork and Count Hem ingway of the Senior class have decided to leave immediately after the closing of school in June on an expedition to the South Pole. The two are enthusiastic over their ven ture and declare in no mild terms that they will reach the coveted spot. They will carry vith them a body guard of four Indians, three poodle (logs and a big black cat. Mr. Stork, in speaking yesterday of the undertaking, said in part: "Count Hemingway and myself are )ound to reach the Pole. By the study of Greek and Latin, we have determined that the pole is three miles, fourteen feet, seven and one-eighth inches south of the equator. This spot is very cold, the thermometer often going down as low as one hundred and fifteen in the shade." Mr. Hemingway, otherwise known by his official title of Count, added to Mr. Stork's assertion by saying: "I believe that Hon. Stork and myself will bring back laurels that will make the wlhole United States honor us. We will leave Beaufort, S. C., in a row boat on the eighteenth of June, accompanied 1)y our body guard, poodle (logs and the cat, and expect to reach the pole by January of the following year." It is nderstood on the campus, although the rumor could not be confirmed, that Bob Purdy, the irre sponsible, tried to join the party, but was ruled out on account of ignorance. The two explorers ad vised Mr. Purdy to pay more atten tion to his studies and that when they went on the trip to the North Pole, they might take him instead of the cat. Santa Claus Saw a Man Sitting on the Curb. Santa Claus, driving through the city, observes a man sitting in the snow on the curb studying a list which he holds in one hand wvhile he beats his browv with the other. "WVhoa, Dancer ! WVhoa, Dun der !" shouts Santa. The reindeers stop. "What is wrong, my poor friend ?" Santa inquires, kindly. "Everything," sighs the man. "What have you on that paper?" "A list of things my children want for Christmas." "That's what I'm here for. Let me see it." The man listlessly passes the paper to Santa, who puts on his glasses and peers at it, now and then pursing his lips and whistling softly and thoughtfully. "My gracious!" lie exclaims. "I never saw such a list. Your oldest daughter' wants a toui-ing cai and a diamond' bracelet and a sealskin coat; your oldest boy wants an aero plane and a repeating rile and a racing car; your youngest daughter wants jewels and furs and silks and satins, and your youngest boy wants ponies and an auto and other things which will cost a small fortune." "Yes," almost sobs the man. "It is things like this whicl take all the joy out of Christmas." "But, my good man, if you had left it all to me and had not encour aged them to write such absurd lists of their wishes I could have slipped in mysteriously and left a few pretty things for them which really would have given them greater happiness than all these extravagant presents." "I know, I know." "Then why didn't you do that? Why did you allow your children to demand such gifts?" "I hate to tell you, Santa, but my wife and I decided that it was wrong to allow the children to believe in the good old myth-our consciences, we thought, should iot permit us to deceive them. So we told them there wasn't any such person as you." "Ali !" says Santa Claus, leaping back into his sleigh and cracking his whip, "It is such people as you who are robbing Christmas of its old time joy." With a jingle of bells and a flurry of snowl he is off on his rounds, leaving the poor man studying the list which he continues to hold in one hand, while he beats his brow I With the other.-Life. The Freshman's Plea. There's one thing we Freshmen will not tolerate, 'Tis to have the Sophomores our blunders relate; We are fresh, that we all must con fess, But we can't have our blunders made a public jest. The Freshmen. We are green and our blunders are many, But wlhere is the Soph. that never made any? Our manners aren't perfect, that we all confess, But wvhere's the Soph. wvho's doing his best? The Freshmen. The things at which the Sophs. now jest, Were done by them when they were fresh; So why make a jest of the Fresh men's woes, For really you're trampling upon your own toes? The Freshmen. J. L.B. Watch for the story of Judas next week at the Lyric. "WHEN." (With apologies to no one.) When Levy beautifies his face, \Vhen Ehrlich wins a quarter race, Vhen Schwartz, the "Mutt," dis cards his smile, When Metts acquires a language mild, Vhen Crowther changes from an ape, When Hoey takes on a heavenly shape, When H-ornick shuns his vulture look, When Brohun tries not to be a crook, When Frowsy Bill becomes a lamb The campus won't be worth a damn. When Cappelmann dloth run the college, Vhen Phinney gets a little knowl edge, When Carpenter's no longer an ass, When Merry begins to refuse the glass, When Murphy looks less like a tough, When the face of Slats shows up less rough, When Mitchell himself no longer boosts, t When Wright gives up his trips to roosts Then will be gone the "old regime," And the Y. M. C. A. will reign su preme. -From inside dope. The real busy theatre-The Lyric. As a rule women are not good at mathematics, but they try awfully hard to make their own figures count. Two little boys fighting and an old man limping along on his cane: "Boys, you ought not to fight that way." "\Ve'se doin' de best we kin ; we aint had no training." Fresh Riley asked Soph. Pool "why the referee kept on tantaliz ing the Juniors for." The boy stood on the burning ship, Buried in candy up to his hip, His father called, he would not budge, Because he loved his chocolate fudge. Mr. Grady Goggans approached the ticket office of the Columbia Theatre, plunked downl 30c. and called .for thlree tickets to balcony. "Only colored people sit there," said the smiling seller. Whereupon Mr. Goggans and party wvent to the Lyric. Remember those real Western pic tures always at the Lyric. See Mutt and Jeff at the Lyric every Monay. Reception at Smith Memorial Hall Was a Brilliant Affair. The reception, tendered by the First Presbyterian church to the. Presbyterian students of the Uni versity of South Carolina and the College for Women, was given in Smith Memorial Hall, last Monda,y evening. The spacious new Sunday School building was decorated for the occasion, and made an ideal place for a most enjoyable affair. Many of the fair ladies from C. F. V. were in attendance, as were young ladies of the church living in the city, and many others to add to the occasion. Delicious refresh ments were served and the few short hours passed away in little or no time, it seemed. THE SICK. Alfred VonKolnitz has for the last few days been confined to the infirmary. "Fritz" will be out again soon. Dwight Hughes is among the sick list this week. It is hoped that he will be out in a few clays. Hamp White is al'so listed among the sick ones. It is thought that after a few days Hamp will be able to resume studies. Guerard has been ill for a few days. A speedy recovery is wished for him. Fresh Weinberg is able to ifieet classes again. Fresh Hornick is also out of in firmary and meeting classes. FLINN HALL NO'IES. The class studying Dr. Weather ford's "Negro Life in the South" will meet on Monday evening in the green room in Flinn Hall, at which meeting the last chapter in the book will be discussed, and plans for the practical investigation of conditions of the negro in Columbia will be announced. Each member of the class will be given a card on which are written certain suggested questions for the investigator, deal ing with the location of homes, drainage, water supply, health con dlitions, disease, etc. Salvation Army Would Like Old Clothes to -Give to Columbia's Poor. The Salvation Army would be pleased to receive any old discarded clothes of the men of the University of South Carolina, to give to the poor of Columbia. Any student dle siring to help the Army may call them over the phone and they will send for the clothes. "Rags" Marshall, class of '14, who has been out of college for sev eral weeks, has returned to campus again. He will resume his studies after the holidlays.