Historical Newspapers of South Carolina

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LOCALS RANDOLPH MURDAUGH. There is some talk on the campus of organizing a Minstrel Club. It is to be hoped that this will be done, as the minstrel show is always one of the most enjoyable of college events. In past years this club has been a great financial help to ath letics. The prospects for a good minstrel is excellent this year. 0*0 The "Gentleman from Taxahaw" -otherwise known as "Cope" Mas sey-has a new supply of jokes, so you had better stay on your guard = when he 5omes around. 6 6 "There was a young man who said ain't Rockefeller's donations got taint? c_ Said a young man in the street, cfS Who was less indiscreet, 15 They may smell of oil, but tain't 'S taint." Prof. Carson-"Mr. Hoey, wnat is space?" Fresh. Hoey-"I can't think of it right now, but I have it in my head." Prof. Colcock (in Astronomy) "Can you tell me how many kinds of time there are?" "Josh" Ashley-"Railroad, town, and college." "There is a youth named Hoey, An exceedingly lanky old boy. He comes from up North, But on a Southerner he's soft. This pretty young maiden is coy And does her constantly annoy, For she says with a laugh, . 'You haven't the sense of a calf.'" Prof. Carson-"Mr. Reeves, how does pressure vary beneath the sur face of water?" Soph. Reeves-"It varies in versely as the square of the diame ter." Fresh. Rainsford-(on football field)-"Say, don't you know whether Prof. Smith is an alna mater of this University?" Fresh. lRichardson--"You don't know anything; you mean he was le aluminum."' - Teacher-"Willie, state this sen Snce in other words : 'The goat Willie-"He hurled the' previous end of his anatomy against the boy with an eagerness and velocity which, backed by the goat's avoir dupois, was not relaxed until the instigation of the vehement exas peration was landed on terra firma, outside the pale of the goat's juris (iction." PSALM OF MATH. "Lines and angles oft remind us That we can make them coincide, But the proofs we leave behind us Show plain the ponies we ride. "Art is long ahd Math. is lacking To the man that rides a ram, But muffled bursts are cracking Funeral marches to Exams. "Then let us be up and doing, It takes a heart for any fate; The pony'is wild, his bits a-chew - ing Learn to ride and catch the gait." ATHLETIC D BENJAM Much golf is being played these days over the University of South Carolina Golf Club's course at Co lumbia, S. C. In addition to the regular players of the city there are a large number of golfing guests at the new Colonia Hotel. The rec ord for the course is 7'4 for profes sionals, held by Eugene McCarthy, and 78 for amateurs, held by Sam uel Bennett. The club, officials are Major Benjamin Sloan, president; Mrs. Henry F. Anderson. seceryr The Board of Trustees recom mended to the Legislature that an appropriation be made for a Stu dent Secretary of the Y. M. C. A. at this institution. The advantages of having a Student Secretary are numerous, and it is hoped by all that this appropriation will be made. C's for the Campus, the dearest on earth; A is for Algy, who's big in the girth; R is a Rooster, so juicy and fat; 0 is the Zero you make under Pat; L is the student who takes Senior Law; I is the Idler, who's asked to with draw. Now you swear off, Exams dis appear; A's for Anheuser, the King of all Beer! EPARTMENT [N SLOAN and treasurer; Eugene McCarthy, chairman of the golf committee. President Benjamin Sloan, of the University of South Carolina, is one of the oldest and most widely known golfers of the South. He is seventy-two years old, but plays nearly every good day, and is a golfer of no small ability. He is a gradluate of West Point and served with' distinction during the Civil War, on the Confederate side. From Golf VERSE Rules of The New Football BY WALLACE IRWIN. Rule I. The "forwards" must wear hand cuffs to prevent a chance of fight ing; The halfbacks must be muzzled to restrain them from biting; The quarter must be chloroformed before each play exciting. Rule II. Each player must be guarded by a trainer, two physicians, Two umpires, a policeman, and eleven politicians; A chaplain, too, must soothe him during frequent intermissions. Rule III. Don't use rough language. Tem ers must be smooth as any satin, The gridiron's not a proper place to wrangle or combat in If you thust use profanity, please -. wear in Greek or Latin. Rule IV. To ba-*out all "professionals" we favor this appliance: Each student is disqualified, despite his fierce defiance, Who has not gained his Ph. D. in Calculus or Science. Rule V. If some one takes the ball from you . don't try by force to drop him Stand still and thunder "Halt I" three times, and if this doesn't stop him, Call up a constable at once and have the copper cop him. Rule VI. A fullback who caught the ball, be fore he tries to kick it Must take it to the referee and get a credit ticket. Each coupon's good for seven yards (you must not bend or nick it). Rule VII. In running ends each player (a pre cautional provision) Mnst ,wave a 'colored lantern as a guard against collision Dispuites must be referred to the Supreme Court for decision. .-Atanta Tonal.n 1hyme of the Ancient Quar terback t is an ancient quarterback, And he tackles one of three: 'Now, what the-easy, easy, Jack I Why dost thou tackle me? 'The grandstand gates are' opened . wide, The bleachers filling fast qayst hear the rooters root inside I must not be the last." -Ie holds him firm, he holds him tight, Gripped where his. clothes are slack; knd thus unto that luckless wight Declared the quarterback: 'The game began-I tell you, friend, It was a red-hot match; Nith 'tackle low' and 'round the end,' And many a punt and catch. 'And I was playing quarterback Ah, me, the godly game! Mhen suddenlee, alas, alack, Through the line they came. 'A ton in weight, and charging . straightt, The fearful phalanx flew; knd with The Ball one big and tall Beyond them all came through-" 'God save thee, ancient football man, From the fiends that plague thee thus I Nhy lookst thou so?"-"I tackled low That elephantine cuss. 'About, about, in rough-house rout, The horrid scrimmage reeled; Winus an arm and less a leg, They bore me from the field. 'Three-quarters scattered W'er the turf, I was a fearsome wrack; started in one full-sized man They brought one-quarter back. 'And now from field to field I roam Nay, take your quarter back; need it not-I have a home, Enough to eat-and all I lack 'Is one to listen while I tell The story of my only game; aLnd you, kind sir, have done It well I thank you for that same." -New York Sun.