The Fairfield news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1881-1900, February 24, 1886, Image 1
VOL;XLII. WINNSBORO, S. C., WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 24. 1886. NO. 30.
A Reminiscence of HJjsr Harfx-r.
Thri\wut sailing1 ;:!i ** t:::::iy dressed
u:iy ::s ihe sun went
d* wn:
And far :t rie'i yr?e~:? .1 hrT
Wbii?* ijifi h"r> -?>??; v.'urrhin.r t.io.si
o;rt el t t?r.vi;.
I'or ni!ii'leiis wv.st rostrrv and mothers i;rc
-\::c liifu 10 ink'm v.;i.v?ivo
ke<;>?
\\ here :t.e Harbor liar is aioarnnv.
Three ?i.bt i-tocwl anr;:oi!.s'y oat on the
? S
Tbs: :?.-crn<.f>n r>~ ihc sun vent clown.
"ML A And their \vnrd? were sweet and Their 'smile?
wore bland
A> j: ey cover; iy watehed f*.:r the yachtsmen
!.r-r.v:i.
^ For r.i'-" ! ! . :i:ust t::rl mothers
t ^-CCCM'C,
' And all a~e v.*:;ry ami ii;>t %vh:it they
fp ?
?VLe?'fe the liar" ;;r i.-. moaning.
Thr-fr . all m<l ill a< can bo
t v:ii:'.2: i:u .: a::d the sua had ;ronr
d-.nvn :
Tnr.-o vr:c?:r..^i'-n, all jauyhia^ with il!-si:}>j
p.'ee.
Were t-rnsin.- th*ase maidens li-'ht baektc
the town.
Kor xae.i will lnuc-b. s:i-i wtwa^n must we^p.
And maneuvering mothers nu;<f sometime?
feel ebe-ip?
Po jfocd-hiy to the Bur and its moaning'.
?Life.
<'xOW 1 \YOX 31Y AYIFE.
It was towards the close of a sultry
day in the latter part of July that I
2ouih1 myself sauntering, rather aimlessly,
our into the suburbs of my native
citv.
i) mI chosen, as if by instinct, a
*ha>'d aveuiv for my stroll, and was
enjoying the little breath of air that was
plavivridly with the dense sluggish
folia <; > overhead, when 1 came unex
r jX'CT>s**!y upon a little cottage suuaieu a
little way from the road.
The grounds wore tastefully laid out,
and there was a dainty bit of velvety
lawn in front and at 011c side of the
house.
Involuntarily I paused to take in the
pretty picture, and as I stood leaning
against the lawn fence. I caught the
pound of female voices. Then I discovered
that they proceeded from a
??' /.li grove at the side of the cottage.
There were four persons in the chatting
group, st ated almost out of sight
from where I had lirst stopped. There
<rasan eld -rly lady, and a young girl.e^
y^obably sixteen, and two young_ j
if about eighteen and twoa*^ " :
'pectivelv. -sr"\v;is a blonde.
The elder of thj^*^0f ? fair face and
ana thouirh^Jf^m;Ss;.<| j?er from my
good hg^jost instantly as I caught
the other. This one was a
. ^futly upon which ray mind as well as
my gaze dwelt, to the exclusion of the
' rest of the croup.
She was of m dium height?she was
the only one of the fair quartet standing
l ?perfect figure, rather inclined to slen%.
derness. and with a face that would
always command more than a casual
glance.
It was the work of but a few moments
to take a mental picture of this charming
girl, and I a!.?o add'nl to this crime
the theft of a bouquet of the odorous
honeysuckle.
Casting a glance at the pretty cottage,
I saw a siv.ali ps-ee of paper tacked to
a verandah pillar, upon which 1 deciphered,
with the aid of :i glass. tin; iollowing
icgi nd. wrhtca in :: small female
hand:
"To It-t: enquire within."
Immediately I wanted to hire that ;
cottage. ~Sot that I needed it, or iutd ;
~ anyjeailhiy i^Vfbr it: but a sort of in- '
sane desire seix d me to get possession !
of the nest that heid the beauriful bin!,
under the ridieitlou- and iilogieal reasoning.
or rather Sac*;-: of r:*a?>n. that
the bin!, vi course. went with the r.o^t,
in a business way.
1 had put my i:atid upon the garden^
' gate, when 1 >addenly discovered. lying
upon the vVrand.th. a iarge Newfound- :
land dog. who ra\s. d his massive head j
and look* d at me inquiringly. and I |
fancied, a little tx-iiigirciiliv.
I haw :: r.inrt.:: horror of dogs?that
is. otucr j>. > dog- -and particularly
loos<r do^s. >o i hesitated, and as 1
saw no way of attracting the attention
of the group without shouting to them.
retreat< d like a coward. There was
Cave Carn-ni written all over the house
for me, and even for a closer view of
the fair creature in the garden. 1 would
not take the ri.-k of the den.
Xo: I would stroll out that way again
f the next day. and I would get Jenny,
any married sister, to come with me.
"To look at a cottage!" said Jenny in
.-astonishment, when I asked her ' orapany
for this purpose. "What in the
world do you mean?"
"Uti, it s sucn a iove;y muc jl
thought I'd secure it in* case 1 should
set married, or anything of that -.ind ''
' Don't von think it would be more in
l 'the line of variety to secure the wife
' first?" she asked, knowing that I had
none in view as yet.
"It is r <ort of Toodles idea." I admitted;
"but I'd like you to so:- it."
So we went: we saw. and 1 was conquered.
We enquired within. Jenny
. was captivated with the cottage ami I
\ pounds, and I?then; was only one soli-j
tary object in tlie whole premises that I
J saw sufficiently well to be able to describe
it intelligently afterwards.
"Did you notice, Neil. how admirably
the rooms connected, and how space
was economized everywhere?"
*I didn't notice particularly." I said
rather abruptly, thinking only of the
rooms as connected with the supero
central fi<jure--Mary Anderson. as we
Jearned her name was ?and of the
^ -economy of space only in the iiirht of
the immense sj ace that there was at
present between us?Mary and mo. I
mean.
"And what a beautiful tint of brown j
"lie cottage was painted!" she added.
"Beautiful, beautiful!" I said. looking j
dreaming! v oat of the window, and j
thinking of the cxijnisltoly lustrous |
brown eyes.
"Ned!*" said Jonny >nddt*nly, stalling
I ^ me out of a dreatn in which I was piefe&k
turing myself ami Mary as the occupants
|HBg? c?f cottage. with knowing;-,dually
H& .whether the house was painted brown or
green, or paint - ti at ail. tor that mattt r.
y^"Xetl. (io von know 1 don't believe you
Hhave the faintest notion <;f hiring the
|||houso: nor do I believe you know
*u ' fnntnins two rooms
||1: a :Vw il;-ys alter i was at the
B lipiii!. this time asoac.
BK;n'.:iv group of female jani>resS3S
mc ovir tiio hous-.' again, the
Hdy. the mother, pointing out to
Hsonvenienccs and praising them;
Hooking always at Mary, who
with thekome,
gsl lo all the old lady said about
His. etc., while my "ey**5 took in
I . - r - ... . " ... I
nothing. :Uni my \vtn:nue?: u* ;:ri :us.-c:i!i?'il
t;> t:<'thin? e\e<*pt Mary r.nd h;-r love,
her hear:.
\Hv/?v of :i family have you,
Mr. Hanon?" s;.id Mis. Anderson jnciwhile
showing tiic neat bedchambers.
1 -i;). -I in tlx- upper hail surrounded
by 'he three young ladies, and the
mother --t<?<??5 nt the <i-;or of tin: iron:
ehamb !'.
"Non*; :>t all," I replied thou<rhties>siy.
Four pairs of astonished eye-"- of various
hues were jovus-ed ::pon me instantly.
The grey f>vc<? of older woman
sees: i d. !o ;>i< :ce my subterfuge. l?::t I
i turni-d Uj linr >i<julii brown eyes lor rei
iii'f to tind in liiuia a puzzled ox >r^ion
! on !y.
j "Then you sire contemplating mar:
nag^? cjiu -rioned Mrs. Anderson.
; "Vis. i said sk?1*1Iv. sliil .-taring at
i pretty Mary. \vi20 turned away '-ci t-vw.
j "1 think til;* place will i:i, i:n- v<-r\
> well." 1 added n),.'ch:inle::!:\. A. >i t?u
} to myself: "It would be parad t r , ;e.
; with that pril l to share it:''
i "And could you decide the matter
soon?" risked Mrs. Anderson. "It is
getting to be quite annoying to have
so many people running in to look it
over."
"It must be, indeed."' I replied. "She
incl ides me. of course, in 1 he annoyance."*
I mentally added. "I will take
the place." said I suddenly, with the
fool hard v reservation vividly in mv
mind?"if Mary will remain and be its
mistress."
The latter had turned away from the
little group, but not, before I had seen
the miserable tears star: into the dear
eyes. She was evidently pained at the
1 thought of leaving the pretty nest.
i What should 1 do? "God knows f j
don't want her to leave 5:."' I thought.
i would take '.ho wise, sister into full i
continence, and she would undoubtedly !
pilot me through th'- trouble.. ..? ?
I> -fore leaving i had managed tu^"^ j
an*.>:her crime to mv sins bv V ' *'"7,
. . , ;,v.)t\ |>e ot
irons ill;; center tamo a , ' t?,.
.r - , . ?! .. <! to liio m tin*
-iarv. jus. as a]j_ j in{o,uled
B,r.!,-n i;.w2 tht.
"S> you are dsjep in the -mire. ]\ed.
and want me to help you one?eh:'" said
Jenny with a nscek-s.-riotis face. "For
shame! to come to :i woman, too. You
who profess sue:i a contempt lor their
assistance."
*"i"m only a babe in this sort of business."'
I confessed humbly.
"And. as a babe, of course, yot; need
a woman".-; tender care. You shall have
it. Ned. 1*11 <:o all 1 can for vou. but
I- 1: i ?!. ... iW
I uu n;uur>;i u/ *?* ?
girls He around ioo-e. waiting 1?> 1 ??.
picked up by the iir<t man who comes
along."
Jenny was as good as her word. She
made quirk ami do:*; acquaintance with
the Amlersons.aml through tin* reading
of certain cabalistic signs that would
haw- been unintelligible as Sanscrit to
nu\ had discovered that then; was "a
possibility of success for me/* she
ihought.
I was surprised and delighted one
ai'u moon to iiad ?.lary at my sister's
e.ouse whfix I wt'UL there. and I determined
:o know ?ny into before slic lcfs.
"What a beautiful picture you would
makcl" 1 blunderingly remarked. Slur
blushed like a rose, but said nothing.
Ay sister smiled approvingly and soon
:uter left the room or. .ome pretense. I
went over to whore Mary was sitting,
and saui: "You will, no doubt, despise
.; ihid' and a man who goes through the
?or!d under 1'-ise pretenses. But such
s the man before vou."
' -.I 1 1 -i ,...1. ...
.>ui' joukcu u a:tu .h
but 1 drew from my pocket a faded
oat stiil" fragrant bunch of honeysuckle
.slid held it c;oso to the one she had
p.niu'd upon her bosom.
"A very sinai 1 theft, and readily forn."
she said. smiling.
"Th*\v are mates." I said: "that is,
the flowers?I wish the owners weiv." j
The deep color bep a to run riot in
aer cheeks now.
"Ami here."' I said, "is the poor substiruie
for the original that I have also
-tolen and kept close to my heart, as a
souvenir of you. Mary," producing the
picture I had taken from her. "And
besides," I added, as she made no reply.
save the silent tell-tale blushes
which spoke volumes to lr.y heart; "besides.
I used false pretenses. I did not
wani any house when I -inquired within1
at yjur home. It was oniy you that
i wanted; and I have gone and made a
fool of myself. 1 have got a house on
my hands, but I havo no wife to occupy
it with me!"
"But.you told mamma that you contemplated
marriage." she suggested
shyly. -
it was a long leap in the (lark. I
had only you in view. Mary: and now
if you would only consent to get ragout
of'the scrape it wouj^ he a$I I'lghf^vet."
Mic ditl not say she would,"JMit >\Vhen
I took -the little unresisting baud in
mine and kisseiM* tenderly, she-put the.
two bouquets into' my hands and 1
pi\ss-.'d tiieni together: "fiates now,
both the flowers and their owners."
We ituve wen: over to Mrs." Anderson
' > < i - :
H.DOUI uu.-k, a:u: l s;;m;
"We have decided to move into the
cottage as soon a* it will h" convenient
for you."
"We!" queried the old lady, fixing !?er
grey eyes upon me inquiringly.
'Yes," I replied: "1 am soon to be
married?that is, with your consent." I
added hesitatingly.
What has my consent to do with it?"
she asked in surprise.
"A great deal. It is yoi.r daugbt r
whom I wish to marry."
Man* had gone to her mother, and
was nestling Jut head upon the niatcr,
?.,! J.c.,c said softly:
Yes mamma: it-was me that iie
- 1 .1 ^ J ? m. -1 I
! W;;ni<*u :ui ihc uim\ uuu uv?. ?n<- j;vu-r.
The Pall Mail Gazette gives the following
as a "curiously comprehensive list
of English 'Socialists'**: Edward <'arpentcr.tlie
millionaire: Edward Aveling.
| the economist: Michael l);ivitt. the ag>I
tator; Bellort Ihix, the essayist: Kegan
j Pa:il. the publisher: and Waiter IJesa'nt
I and Mrs. Lynn Lanton. the novelists:
| Shelley. ICeats. Jones, iirougli. Doix-I',
; Browning, S.vinbnme, William Morris,
j and Edwin Arnold. the jxx'ts; Raskin,
I the art critic: Charles Kingslev. the
j clergyman, novelist, and geologist,
{I'lti-Jctl .mil Ffr<?JS OT'oU- !
j
j nor, the ehiriL-ts: Kobyrt Owen rhe j
| philanthropist: and II. M. Hyndmun,
J ihe journalist: Hrivrt Spcnccr. John !
i Stuart Mill. T. H. Huxley, and Ohurt< < j
Darwin: John TyndalLthe scient.st; and j
William Kindlon Clifford, the mor- !
j alist.
When the king of Portugal was in j
: England Quivn Victoria presented Ed- j
win Landseer to his majesty as a painter I
whose works she had been collecting. ;
"Ah, Sir Edwin," exclaimed the king, I
"delighted to make your acquaintance- |
I was a'*vays ven* fond of
1 j
A CON FIDK>:VK TKK 'K.
Ilovr an Arajriraa ' m!^o Narrowly Escaped
Ii;.l>b?-ry j-i tl: >.ran:l.
The* reputation of I,in ion oonjider.ee j
men and sharpers is we!; Known. They
have an excellent field tor their work.
London is so va>t that it is dlfii-.-ult to
iind theill e\*c!l if the detectives are
promptly upon t'.eir track. tiiev
change iiieir ijuarlers iYeju-nth. l'h? u
the number of visitors to iiii- trreit
Babylon is ~o Jarjre that victims are
found withe:::. much dillieulty. As mail y
of these are transient visitors, if the.
bunco men--:e; tiny would bo called in
America: 1 do not know what corresponding
term is used iis*rc? make ?
good "haii:." they leave the city or lit*
in hidinjr inuil limy feel sure that their
v'ctims have <rone. Then they can not
be identili -d. if arrested, and ot course
will escape prosecution.
An American ?rcntleman whom I met
the other day told me of his narrowescape
from beiuir robbed by what I am
told is an "old London ;riek." He is a
criminal jud^e in one of your Southern
States: and one would suppose that such
an ollicial would Icon h's<ruard against
tricks of all kinds. lie has been in
London many times before his present
visit, and thought he was pretty familiar
1 T ,.f n>n tv.
WItU II1C" ,UiU iw* ntn.7, **.?
late his experience in his own words:
"I have been living," he said, "in a
private hotel in one of the streets leading
from the Strand to the Thames, not
far from Temple Bar. It is a convenient
place to reach and 1 found it comfortable
and satisfactory in every way. I
have been in the habit of going to my
lodgings a: all hours of the day **y I
night. 1 was on mvwav thither"**4 |
the Strand about 1 o'clock- 7.10 niyrn|n?and
had almost the stueet in
which mv hotel/' 1 s:nv
. * _./l tar m front ot me. apparer^.
tumble and f;lU t0 th? s5de*
She was alone. She cried out
as if hurt, and I hastened my steps and
ran to her assistance. I helped her get
up, but she complained of great pain in
her ankle, and could hardly stand. She
began to cry bitterly, and said she
didn't see how she was to get home. I
asked her where she livedj she named
the street, which I knew was more than
a mile away. I told her that she would
have to i-'-.e a cab, and that I would
call one. Still crying and complaining
that she was severely hurt, sin; said she
could not take a cab, as she had 110
money to pay for it. My sympathies
were aroused, and I said that 1 would
give h t enough to pay her cab-fare. I
put my hand in my pocket and pulled
out some silver coins. At the same
time, I stepped toward a gas-lamp in
order to pick out the right amount.
-Quick as a flash of lightning the
woman seized my wrist, and some of
the coins went rattling down on the
pavement. At this moment three othc*
women appeared. I had sc,:n nothing
of them b.f-uv. They seized me by thn
arms and around the waist 1 instantly
comprehended the situation. I was the
victim of a eonlidence game, and was
being robbed?or would be in a moment
unless 1 made a vigorous resistance. 1
had my umbrella in my hand. I strug? !( (!
violfiitlv with ihe tour women, and
at lengih managed to break away from
thorn. 1 .-tasted on a run at lull speed
for my hotel. only a few rods away.
All the women were iu hot pursuit.
You know all those streets running from,
il.r Strnf:id dorrn tojfhe river di'seondpretly
rap.dly, and as 1 was going down
1 got under such headway that 1 could
nor stop when I reached my house. I
stopped just below it. however, and tried
to :urn, when the women seized me
again. They pounded, and kicked mo
viciously, bu: did not get anything out
of my pockets. 1 used my hands and
fe.t and umbrella as best 1 could, bat 1
am afraid they would have been more
than a match for me.
liv good fortune, however, while the
struggle was going on in front of my
hotel, the door sudden!v opened, and
' - 1 t i.:...
tlK' lanu-oru appeureu m u. j. mm
i needed help, ".nil he came out. The
women then set ii])on him. and, taking
advantage of the opportunity. I broke
away from them. ami r:\n at. full speed
into the hotel. I found that my umbrella
was pretty badly u>ed up, and my
arms and shins and body were sore for
several days. Since then I have carrit d
a stout cane whenever I am out late at
night. I never asked tlv landlord how
he" came out of the fight. I was too
glad to get away myself to bother about
him; but I fancy he suffered little damage.
I only lost :i few shillings."
"Why did you not make an outcry
am' alarm the police?" I inquired.
Ali." was the answer, '-that was the
very tiling I was careful not to do.
Don't you see. they were four to one.
and. if a policeman' had come, the
* ' - - * ' 1
cimnces wore uiar incy woniu accuse me
of assault and I would h.' locked up for
the night. Or. if niv story had been believed.
they would have spent tl:e night
in the police station?a matter of no
consilience to a woman of that class?
and. if the .matter had gone further. I
should have to go to the Police Court to
prosecute them. I did not care for publicity
it* that way. Oh, no. I didn't
want the police to have any hand in the
matter so far as [ was concerned. You
may think I was stupid to be taken in
by such a trick. I hare been told since
that it is a trick very commonly practiced
in London, but I had never heard
of it before. I am sure; that it would
readily inmose on anv one who was
ignorant of it."?.V. Y. Tribune.
w t
mt ? -? -
A Living Barometer.
* is a well-known fact that sorera] o
our smaller animals are so sensitive t<
chants from heat to cold, and fren- tin
to moist that they foretell tho<e ehan?je>
.-onie time in advance.
tn the'Smithsonian Institution's list
of annuals valuable to man. the treeload
is mentioned as :inexcellent weath
er-prophet, arid 1 can testify to its power
of foretelling the ehnnge-in the weather
1 have in my possession a paper-weight
in the form of a bronze frog supporting
on its hack a glas* tuhc with a bulb at
the bottom. Some moiniis ago I wa.fortunate
enough to catch a tree-toad
and having heard of his ability as ;i
weather-pro; !) ;. ? pur him into m\
jjlass tube and mad from matchup :i
smail I;>d?ier so that bj could
climb up <m" down within the tubS* 1
soon found that the approach of a
change ii! die weather was always
noticed by : lit* lii.de prisoner, v. ho
ciiinb'.-'i toward the top whenever Use
air grew moist or before rain, and as in*
variably descended toward the bottom :
of the tube in advance of the coming ol |
dry weather.?St. SicfioUts.
? ? 1 * 1 - . ? 1? I
rios:<iem< m u:u u:icNnu?n? tu i ni?- ;
syl?"ania do not relish the appearance of \
too many hunu-rs in their pr? serves. j
Severn 1 lumber camps in tJio nor;Invest- j
ern pari of tiie state have been lately
burned to prevent their occupation as
lodges by hunting parties,and a number
of hounds !:: vi: been poisoned. Deer
ere unusually pi* 'ItV.
I
... . I
A R03IANTK STOltY. ?
An i:i \VI??s-Ii Morrrco and rM>
Ccar.iry T:;ke :i II:uu!.
One dull afternoon in llic month of
S-picnibi.-r hist vear, Abraijiini. a hnnti'
' >
sonn* voun?r jium^u
or.r oiticc. and stated that hr was nbout
;.> sail '.hat cveni::;; for Am -rica. where
| he had previously r.s.d. d for sonic lime, i
! thereby becoming an American ciri/en. j
j The object >f h> v was to solicit our j
; assistance in drawm;* np a power of at- j
i lorney in favor of n friend, also an
! \uierican cit'.7. .:i whose hands he
j desired u> :-ave jnlcivsls at home
| during his absence. The document was
i duly signed and witnes-cd. and ilu:
! vonth thai xune aft-Tno-n left his na
! live shoiv ii> seek !i > iorum; .11 the tar
i oft' land of Ins adoption.
After Jii;.* !av><' t.f a few mouths the
friend \vju> held |.m\v( r of attorney
called to ;i>k our adv'c.- tinder tie: following
eirc-uni-t'.im.r.--: Abraham. before
. he left, had fa I U'n in love with a pivtty
j Jewess maid named Leah. ami j>r.>!
posed to make her his wife; but as she
was the daughter of a poor widow with
other eh.ldren. and ::s A!>raham had to I
seek his fortune in a foreign land, it
was agreed that t!?oy should beeome betrothed
and wait until Abraham earned i
the means of providing a home.
and her mother thought that when she
was out of sight Abraham migK change
his mind, or that some *lir stranger
might steal away her l"Vers heart: It
was therefore deen*-'1' advisable that she
should bind ,-*"1 to bis engagement in a
I bond o* ' 1,11 ?? .^poscd
to him he said lie had no obi
jfction. provided the boml was made
i equally binding on either side, which
wns accordingly done, and each was
duly bound in a penally of ?400 to b.j
true and faithful to the other. .Sureties
were found on either side, the surety of
Leah being one Moses, who made li^lit
of his suretyship.
Scarcely, however, had Abraham
reached his destination when a rich Jew
from Algiers visited our city, and went
1.0 the Jewish schools, in which Leah
was employed :is n teacher. He wa>
much struex by her modest demeanor,
as well as by the ability which she displayed
in the discharge of her duties,
ile inquired who she was and soon afterward
called upon her moth-r and
proposed to many her. Tin: widow told {
i:.iu of Leah's engagement and bond, I
but the ardor of his love was only iuilamcd
the nioiv by these (liJiiculi.cs ;n
the way of his desires. He reasoned that
Abraham would soon forg.'t her. lhat he
might die or fail in his attempts to acquire
a for; ane, and that she had better
s. cure a home and a fortune when she
had the chance. In short, he generously
ottered to provide for the whole family
and pay the penalty of $-iUU besides.
Leah ai last yielded to the tempting oiler.
and the pair presented themselves to
Rabbi Mordeeai Ben Geo for the purpose
oi' making the necessary arrangements
for the marriage. The rabbi object* d,
on the ground that, to his certain knowledge,
Leah was betrothed to Abraham.
The new lover was not to be thus |
balked, and io>t no lime in scouring
passages in the French steamer for Oran
for him and Leah, together with the
whole family, and a few days later they
steamed away to the east, after, it is I
stated, having deposited ."<400 in the i
hands of the rabbi. Abraham's, father^
appealed to tiie rabbi, n.-KJ' cent
wttlU-iw-"imte until he received
a powi r of attorney from his son, and
then the father called upon Abraham's
friend to ask advice, and, to his joy
found that he held tiie wry document
he required. With this they both repaired
to the house of the rabbi, who
looked at it, and to their dismay pronounced
it useless because it was written
in the English language.
The United SiaL^s consul and consulgeneral
were appealed to. but said that,
as it was a matter of Jewish law, the
question must be left to the discretion
..u? ?ku: ti,OT?
U1 U1U 1UMU1. ?unau?;jic uuv uivu
entered into with closes, who compromised
the matter by the payment of half
the bond?viz.. -S2-/0. We have not yet
heard what eileet has been produced upon
the mind of Abraham, but they say
that a candle is never so easily "lighted
as when it has just been put out, and
perhaps in a mail or two we may hear
that Abraham is on his way home to
choose another of the fair maidens of
Tangier.?Morocco Times.
"An Old Beat."
There was one pathetic incident con
nected with the fight. A man name'
-v,-.] ?o/I +V? vnn ri in fht
ViUU^n I 111 11 CUi ? tu iui vw VW4.J >..' |
Eleventh Massachusetts, and had tlireputation
of beinjj an excellent soldier
a favorite with both officers and men.
and doing his duty faithfully in all positions.
At the expiration of his torn
he re-enlisted, and was given the ontomary
furlough of thirty days. When
ho returned to the roffiment his natun
seemed to be changed. From a chew
ful, companionable man he became;
rhrouic grumbler,'and at last wasgenei
ally recognized as a "beat." His oi<
omrades bore his altered dispositioi
for a-while, but finally he was let aloit
with his growiings. His olBccrs at lasuspected
him of a determination to dscrt,
and watched him accordingly
When his company started into a ligi?;
the question would be. "Where i>
Clough?" and he generally had to b:hunted
up and ordered-into tJic rank>
On this occasion he was severely wounded,
being shot twice. He was brought
out on a stretcher, which his lieutenant
had sent in for him. and while waiting
for an ambulance the officer went up t<
the wounded man. With a return 01
the old-time lire. Clough said, "Lieuten
ant, have I done my duty?" "Yes.
.Clough, like a man;" to which he replied
with a touch of bitterness: "Won
der if the boys are satisfied -with tin
damned old beat now!''.' The boy?'
crowded around and tried to encouragehim.
now ashamed of their former chaffing,
and lie smiled faintly and said
"Good-by, boys." as they carried him
awav. That nisrht the tired, broke:.
body was; out of pain, and "Old Clougl.'
was beyond the praise. or bin mo of human
judgment.?Tiie Stale.
- ?Q Q?
No Show for the Hairi>in,
The wife of an engineer on the West
Shore Railroad, a most agreeable little
woman, went to New York yesterday
shopping, and came up on the train of
which her husband drives the engine.
At Newburgii she took :i seat in the engine
and rode from there to Kingston.
tV??. tluv fjviTTl nin<i with
irreat speed, at intervals fully a mile a
minute. When she reached this city
her friends, who were there to meet her.
i:i a chorus inquired: "Weil, how did
you enjoy it?" "Oh!" said she. "it was
splendid, real exciting, but I haven't a
hairpin in my hair." The jar of the
engine had shaken all the hairpins out.
so that her hair hung upon her shoulders.
She says she don't wonder that engineers
usually keep their hair cut a "dead
rabbit" fashion.?Kingston (X. Y.)
Freeman.
I
A Visit from Cnptaiii Kidd- |
In an <1 article, on, (kmlmer's J
tilanrl.in the ite(vrnb?r^Cte}ifurf?G^i^<i J
arsons Lriilifop'trntw as---;fo!iow>. S^ev.
ardmg an unexiwtoil visit from thrq
Jfiotorions pirato: "Lord -Joan (.rammer
line Juno evening obsorwu a mysterious
Soop with six guns riding at anchor olf
the- island. It was Ki< 1 <I"s last vessel,the
Atitonio. This Lord John was a large,
iearty man. who fivrtf gx-norously. was
ipk-ver1 to the Indians and squaws, and
Ifad-so much ability in affairs that, although
he married "fafaT times and spout
a great deal of money.' ho ] ortioned ofT I
his daughters liandsomeh and" loft a j
* '"IT .. i
largo estate at lus ueain. nc \va.> uui a
person to be soared In* a mysterious
armed sloop; so. ."iter .die JkuI lain in
$ght two da te without making any
sign, he put oft* In-a boat. to board hor
and inquire what she wrt>. As ho onmo
nj> over the side.Captaln Kiiici?till thev <
unknown to him? roeeivediiini with fh- [
traditional politeness of a thriving dc.~- I
Dorado, and asked after the health of
nimsfclf and family. Tiien. in answer
-to'J-ord John's inquiries, lit; said that1
?y;?was on Ins war to Lord "BelfomSi-rttf;'
i lipston: would Gardiner do him the
! f.-ivor to carry two mgro-hoys and one
i cjrI ashore, to Do Kept nit-iv unui lie rei-tCirned
or sent :\n ord;Tr for them? Gardiner
consented, and we::t hack to the
iifand. The n?xt luorninsr Kidd re-,
turned intavourse by sending ashore a
request that Gardiner should come on
board at once. and bring six sheep with
him. This was rather fore:ng tJio aequaintanee.Gardiner
may have thon?ht:
but he complied. Thereupon Kidd
promptly ripened acquaintance into intimacy,
and asked him if he could spare
a barrel of cider. Lord John once more
proved neighborly, and found that he
cnnhl spans the cider, sending two
of his men ashore to fetdi it. While
waiting for their return. Kidd ?ot out I
* * * * * -c 1 1
irom ms cariro. uvo 'pieces oi w:iuj;i^i:u
Bengal muslin,? a rare ami valued
fabric in its pristine Mate?which In*
put into a bap; and requested Gardiner
to take as a present to his wife. It is
likely enough that the captain, seeing
in hearty Lord John a capacity for such
things, produced some of his lifty-shi!Jjns;
rum, or three-hundrrd-potmd Madeira
to be tasted. Something, at any
rail'.warmed h:m up to increased generosity
for 'in about a quarter of an hour*
he pivsen ted he Lerd of the Isle with
some muslin for his own use. When
the men came back with tho banx*l of
cider, he gave them lour pieces of gold
for their .trouble. Furthermore, after
<rettin? ready to sail, he offered to pay
for tin: cider: but Gardiner protested
that he was sufficiently rewarded by the
present to his wife. They parted at last:
and Kidd, gallantly Jir.ng a -salute of
four guns, stood for Block Island.
'Ilis purpose in lingering in these
waters was to get rid of his suspicious
freight before ?oing to Boston. During
the stay near the island two New York
sloops took off part c.f his cargo: and
three days later he returned Irom Block
Island in company with another nefarious
sloop, which relieved him of chests
contain in <r plate and gold and other
goods. This time Kidd again sent for
Gardiner and committed to his charge
a chest, a box of gold,a bundle of quilts,
and four bales of goods. The box of
gokl, as Gardiner afterwards solemnly
bv KitM for horil
Siz;** sY*r\-nt A rl +hr? innni!
chandise was buried iu some swampy
laud near Cherry Ilarbor, beside Home
Pond, within :: mile of the manor-house,
.to be kept for Kidcl or Ins order.
\If I call lor it and it is jrone." Kidd
declared to i<ord John. 'I will take your
head or your son's.*'
The Latest Suggestion'* \!;*o;u
"lValJv.5n;r.
Jf the observation of soeial waltzing
in New York and Europe for mo:v than
forty years proves anyihi'i-j: whatever,
writes Allen Dodsworih in I'ar.ein^and
its Relation to Soe:al Lift-." it i-; i!::i'
the method of holding whir'j is prescribed
b low is to-day. as :;r th h-.-^inninjr,
adopted bv all w)so may b;; no
ticca ole tor manners ami movement.
The gentleman approaches lh<
lady, offering his left hand--one who iau
fait vill at the same time make::
slight inclination to bow. The huh
places her right hand in that of the gentlcman,
who then extends his right an;
in a direct llns? to the side, the forearm
bent so as to form an acute angle. In
this angle the lady will place herself,
with the center line of the person opposite
the line of the gentleman's ri^hl
side, both persons on parallel lines, not
forming an angle. In this position
each will be looking over the other's
right shoulder, and by the ladv turning
i- ? i * -i: ?t- ii.'. t c. -.1.". ..v
ii;t xiuaii sii?jiuiv 10 mu iru uu; uni'irt <>i
the group will be greatly improved, and
prevent all possibility of taking eaeli
other's breath, which is rarely pleasant,
anil in the ease, of a young man directly
from the us:> of a meerschaum is "positively
horrid." as many ladies have remarked.
The lady, if not too short,
places her left hand, hooked, upon the
gentleman's right shoulder, the lingers
appearing in fr^"i. The right hand of
the gentlenif: hould rest very gently
on the la<!\ ? back, as near the waist as
possible, sy as not to remove the upward
pressure of the elbow directly under
the lady's shoulder, a< this is the
lady's support and must !>? held with
sure but gentle limine?*. The hand on
the back should rest very lightly, and
on every possible occasion should be
slightly raised, so that the air may pass
between, as in some eases the close contact
induces perspiration and may leave
its mark upon the lady's dress. Both
persons should be slightly bent-forward*
from the hips upward, so that the shoulders
may be only three or four inches
apart, the distance increasing down
n-on/1. in
their limbs, so that any contact of person
or knees may l>t> avoided, and
should be so avoided as a most serious
mistake. The gentleman".- left hand,
holding the lady's right, should be extended
downward in a line with the
body, the hands three or four inches distant
from the pen-on. the arms forming
a gentle curve from the >houlder downward.
No weight is placed upon this
arm; all the guiding and changes mast
be governed by the elbow under the
lady's arm. It will be found that this
irroupins: will be perfectly modest in
appearance, no more contact of person |
occurring; tlian in a lack's taking a gen- |
demand arm for walking. In conclu? |
sion, let it be remembered that purity of ;
thought and action may b;> as conspieu- .
ous in waltzing as in any other situation
of life; that the gross waltz grossly,
the vicious viciously, the relined and
innocent innocently* and in :i refined ;
manner.
m ?
The Prussian Ministry of Apiculture
is just now engaged in prosecuting an i
interesting and thorough inquiry into j
Mie most advantag -ous way of dealing |
with the estates and agricultural pro- j
perties belonging to the State. The oi> j
ippf. is in nsfturtain whether it would be \
roost profitable to cut up and sell these |
properties outright or permanently to let i
thorn on lea?e. 'I
IX A DISSJXTIXG-ROOM.
A JFyflPfl .v.~. > from a Body?A
Slraiirrc V.Kpcrisr.c^,
"I havo be-.T. forr'io past fifteen year*
engaged at my present business and I
nc:-<l not tci! you i* is not one of tlu;
most pleasant occupations in me worm.
I have had some terrible experiences
during that time, and if I were to relate
some of them to yon you would nor think
them crcdibl<\ I spend most of the day
and night with these dead bodies, and
now that I have grown accustomed to it
I do not mind it much." The speaker
was I'lT.-f. James Walsh, superintendent
of the dLss:-ctmg-room*io'the New York
University Medical' rC6 liege. and the
answer was given in replv to th.e re
porter's query. The professor continued!
' H vou wish to hour an experience I
had. !& mi- sec. about liflwn year?. aico,
I have r.o objection to tfilinir you. but
follow me upairdI wnjl--show you tinvery
sjx)t ?lwi> it -ocetvmE su?d puirliop*
it will help to refresh HH'Rfery-some.vdiat."
> - it'- '
? TheTPport^r followed the*"p?6ic?3Gr up
is lonjx winding stairway until he canv
to a door which was locked. The professor
took from his pocket a key, and
bavins: applied it to the lock.the door Hew
op:.'n and disclosed a lonjr. wide; room,
iii wiiif'h lay upward of two hundred
"cadavers" placed upon marble
The stench that came from this room
was of the. most indescribable character.
n"'' fmftrfnv incfinptivflp rln-W h:ir?U*
to catch hi? breath.
"This is the dissecting-room,"' a tided
the professor, "and it-gives you some
idea of the character of ray work. It is
here I spend my day and night, and you
will mt once admit it is not a very pleasant
way to spend one's existence. It is
over there, just at that slab toward the
left, that the experiences occurred which
I will now relate.
"I was then a new man, and did not
' * -.?e MAXt* OM<l
n:i:i (juuv m iiuiiiv; ?i."> uii^u cw.-? a?iavi,
though it is well nigh fifteen yours s'nce
it happened, it was so forcibly impressed
upon my mind at that time that i shall
never forget it. The students had ail
gone, and I was alone in the dissectingroom.
The hour was about 12 o'clock
and I had remained to tix up the cadavers
for the morrow. The associations
connected with this place at .such an
hour are enough to till the mind of a less
nervous person with apprehension.
About two hundred dead bodies lay on
the slabs all around, and at that time a
screen hunir from the top of each slab
to the ground so as to conceal the debris
during the day. Not a sound broke the
stillness of the dissecting-room, not a
ripple ran through the big building,
when all 'at once, as I stood near the
slab, I heard a loud snoring sound proceed
from a cadaver.
"1 could feel the throbbing of my
heart, and 1 stood rooted to the ground.
1 could not move if I tried, and the
muscles of my feet se.-mcd to give way
under me. The cadaver raised himself
up on his back and looked and grinned
at me in a most agonizing manw A
cold sweat ran all over my frame. I
seemed to be lifted off the ground, and
in another moment I was thrown prostrate
on the lloor. I never believed
much in ghosts, but at that time I could
not explain this extraordinary phenomenon.
"1 lay in that position 1 know not
j'k>h lprc~, hut any way when I recovered
ConseioilSTIPSy !'J 'V ic l!!trt*n<tMU. iuc?
light was streaming in through those;
windows. With the return of day I
plucked nj) fresh courage and weut up
to ascertain tin* cause ot my scare of the
previous ixi^rht. The cadaver lay in the
vers' s:ime position in which ii had hem
placed by me, and I put my hand on
tJic face and found the coldness of death
there. 1 raised up the cloth that covered
the lower part of the slab and there
found the cause of my reeling of the previous
night A student lay on his hack
on the -.floor in a profound .-"lumber,
sleeping off the effects of the night's ilebaueh.
This at once explained the
whole secret away, and the nervous
pros'.ratiou I experienced* was who'iy
due to my ardent imagination. I got
#? ?.! -.It Inuvi'i'jm:u! time I i11Vi'v 1
tigate the cruise of any unusual noise
since that night. O:' course you can
readily understand t ha nervous perturbation
was wholly induced by :h
strange noise that was produced in that
place at such an unseasonable hour,
and that explains away my fe:'ling* with
regard to the erect position the cavader
was supposed to assume. Such an extraordinary
occitrivrci' might result
fatally in many cast's, for the nervou*
system in one who is a Jinn v:-r in
supernatural visitations would iviviw a
shock from which it would never in :ui j
probability rally. ami I haw known
many people who wen* lvndcml
by just sncrh an oc-Piirivnc.'. It wa- a
lesson to nif however. thai I wiM no:
readily forget. So much lormy !ir>:
periencc in a d:s<eetin?-room." A YIlcrchl.
' Chopin as a Hoy.
Chopin, alone of ail :in- musicians,
has been innnorializct* throng; 1 his
< . r t.- .11 .......i..,
pmnoiorrc musiC. .4 ;;it me V,IK.^ 111.11
hare ever been written for the pi:;no
were to be swept away, his compositions
would of ihenisolves inspire one through
all the drudgery that is necessary to
master the instrument.
Frederic Chopin was born on March
1, 1800. at a little village near Warsaw. ,
The child's genius was apparent in his
earliest years: when scarcely more than
a baby, he was so sensitive lhat he wept
* i i . _
on bearing music: arm no oegan 10
compose before lie was okl enough lo
write out 1 lie notes. He was placed
under the tuition of Albert Zwyny. who !
was delighted with hi< little pupil's progress,
and in his ninth rear he gave his |
first concert. Frederic was generally
full of high spirits, and often amused 1
himself by playing little practical jokes,
sometimes being joined by his sister
Emily. This sister gave, as rare promise
of being great in literature as Frederic
in music, but, unfortunately, .--ho <!>.>d (
when only'a young girl.
Chopin liad a talent for seizing tin*
ludicrous and ph.cing it 011 paper: and !
his power of caricaturing on the piano | ;
was much like Schumann's. It is s;?!d | :
:iiat once, when his lather's pupils'were j '
OCeUIIlIU^ V KJL\ I/Vir,n;iun^, K vu~ j
*ene<l the room ami sw?.te<l himself at ;
tin; piano. lie imitatfd a han?l of rob- i
bors breaking into ;; house, their escape. j
in:I rem-at to tijo woods: as the ntu>ic i
i;rt:v." fainb.r tin: pupils beeame drowsier
until tin v were all fast asleep.?St.
Sichola*.
New York milk-dealers eonjplair. that I ,
> - . .1 ?ii I_ .. . ! '
liio jarmers wa.er meir miik " just i
much as il will .-rami to conn; within the ! J
iimit of the law. >o tIir?t the hard-work
inir city dealer has n?> room for lurtiijr 1
A peculiarity of the la to Horace B. ]
Claflin was that lie would never disclose j
his apy to any one except his wife. He <
always responded to inquiries with: j
"Weil. I'm over 40."
BOOK TITLES.
Queer and Misleading Xaincs of Scvoa* j
World-Wide Rc:td Uook-?Th<- Vocabu- ;
larlj* Xeariy Exhausted.
It is clifSc-ult nowadays to know litnii!
the title of a book whciIut it a novel. j
?> cy.iiivitifi,-. t t'.lo I ic.l nl' <1 Tll'TV A 11 !l? Tll<> !
story of the hirly who earned home I
Ouida's "Moths" from a circulating |
library, thinking it :i treatise on natural j
history, should be reeeived with respect- j
ful sympathy. Even the libraries can
not afl'ord to snide at her. for it is in the
catalogue of one of th^ largest of them
that "Mill on Liberty" is followed by
"Ditto on the Floss.""
"Gaslight and Daylight" i> one of !
Mr. Sala's books in the author's eharac- j
.irL-tln ch l.i- TTInr>ti>i<? T.io-hf*" i?i ;i !
scientiiic guide-book; and "The Electric j
Spark" is tho professional name of a !
masie-h:?ll artist.-. "The Family Doc- i
tor" is a work that parents will find in-1
valuable in eas;-s of emergency; but i
"The Family Fool" is a siory in three !
volumes. Airs. Gore is the authoress of I
the work of fiction entitled "The DebuJantet"
b?t "Xke?aliJtooiu<'-:-is a^book_.:
of etiquette, "Miraculous Cares" is published
by a uoetor: but "Desperate Remedies"
i> a novel by Mr. Hardy. Mr.
(I. P. K. Jam s has :t novel called
' Forgery/' ami Dr. Wins'iow a scion-1
tilie work called -Lunacy." '^Sparkling ,
Gems" and "Bright Diamonds"' (J. j
Blackv.'ood & Co.) are stories, but j
"Diamonds and Precious Stones" is de- '
voted to the history, value, and proper- j
ties of certain metals.
Gait lias a novel called "The Entail,''
which has in its day proved more misleading
than "Moths." About two '
months ago a book entitled "The Wine j
of Lire'" was produced. Some people j
thought it discusscd the merits of Bordeaux:
more knowing ones suggested
that it was probably a religious publication.
But it, tr.u turns out a novel.
"The Books of Dates" has not a word j
to say about the fruit oi that name, and i
"The Sheepfokl and the Common" ;
(Blackie) lias nothing to do with sheep, i
The shepherd who buys it under the im- '
pr ssion that i: will prove a .useful work I
of reference will learn from its preface |
that it "illustrates the power of evangel- J
ical teaching," There is no farmer who j
can not talk eloquently of the fact that j
the eggs of one bird are often found in !
the nest of another. The "ugly duck-!
line's" birth, far from what should have :
been its home, was explicable; bur mystery
sometimes attaches to the change of
eggs. Here is undoubtedly an interesting
subject for a book; and "Duck's
E:*gs in a Hen's Xestv seems the von*
book wanted. But "Ducks' Eggs in a
TT .n*c Vi.stv i< :i rolWtion of stories
published by Bentiy & Son. "Higher ;
Law" would certainly seem to be a religious
dissertation. * But no; one of the
reviews says that it is a novel?"the
b st next to Romola." Mr. Edmund
Yates" book. "Broken to Harness," is
not :i guide to the mysteries of horsetraining:
and though "The Hangman"
was a recent magazine article on the
late lame nted Mr. Marwood, "The Exeeutor"
is a three-volume novel by Airs.
Alexander. "Lnnn" is described as -'a :
mere love story:" but "The Moon" is j ,
by an astronomer. "Airiuoonri" Is a j ,
novel, "Waterloo" poem, "Bannockburn"
a history. "Klein-lion" a novel,
"Nelson" a biography. "The First ,
Lieutenant" is a novei. "The last
Adam" a religious work.
Even in the earner part of the eenlu- '
rr, xrrpyt-_,.r h;;:);-s than f !
now, titles proven a j i iTj r1:11 ."I'.in.v >i
(>?' annoyance and. misunderstanding. I
Tiien. :ts now. some author.- acknowl- j
nlged the d:f:i -ulty and >:rug:;k-d to i]
surmount it: some shut their eyes to it. j
and others looked it. in the face and J ,
nM?.wl bv. Sir Waher Scott's titles were i
laboriously conn* by. "The title of this j
work,*' lie in the introduction to i
' V\*avorly." "Juts u<>; h.vn ehwn with- j
out the jrrave and solid d.-iiborution j
which iu alters of importance demand ;
from the prudi'Kl:" aud lh.m he goes oti !
to chide thos;* of his predecessor* who [
solved the lit:'? ?l:llii*u!ty "by seizing !
upon the most ^oaadiii ; and euphonic i
surname thai I-aijrl.-li history of topo- j
grapiiy auoins; ::::?i eieci.njrn .11 once as
the title of their work and 1 he name of
(heir hero." How Jo name the novel
that (cli.s the sad story of Amy Robsart
proved a special dlfil'-iiltv to Scott: and
the friend who snwrsted Kenilwoith"
:lway.s held therei.i'icr that he and Sir
Waiter had written the novel between
them. The most common method adopted
nowadays, though it is one against
which the publishers complain, is simply
to name the novel after the hero or
heroine. "Henry Jenkins" is not a particularly
attractive title: br.r it disf'n
u'nislics the book from other nov.;I?, all
:he proper names not having yet been
:.sed up. Many of the best novels in the
English language. from "Clarissa Iiarioive"
:ind "Tom Jones" to "John In-,
irlesant" and "Lorna Doone." have
?ot over the title diiliculty in this way.
Perhaps the greatest of English novels '
'< also the nio-t happily named. Thackeray
says that the title "Vanity Fair*'
name to him in the night time, and that
lie was so delighted with it that he had
iO get out of bed and walk up and down
his room for a while.
Prnlvihlv no nmlillft writer of these!
days has escaped the book-title affiic- '
lion. It aftcets authors in a ditiVrent | ;
way from their readers, but not less ailnoyingly.
What ihey have nou* to accept
a.- the ordinary course of tiiinirs is
illustrates! in the ease of Miss Braddon.
This novelist published in serinl form
:i story cut it lei 1 Ih-r Splendid Misery."' I 1
\\. h.-:d I he novel become known i
han another laborer in the lieM of Ik-- j
tinn wrote to the aalhor.-ss pointing out j i
that the till-- was hi<. Mi-s Braddon. of j
[ ourse, ehange ber title, and when the j i
book was announced It was called "Her J :
Ciildcd Cagi\" I;i a day or two a letter j \
ivached the publishers .saving that liii- j <
title had also been forestalled. Then j 1
Barbara's History" w:i< ^lgjr.'^o'l: but j I
[here was at least one "Barbara"*- I lis- : i
ton " already. Finally -The Story of j :
Barnara: IJer Splendid Mi*.TV Hit! i
(Jildcd (.'aire' '.w'.s adopted. I>ei'ore we
may Jind some unhappy n?>vt?i:~i auuounein^
in the pre--. "The Secret of <
Lady Audley: or. th?* Old < urio-itv Shop: .
a Story without a Hero." Affairs bein<; ; <
?o desperate. Ii is risfli: and fitting to ^
r-oniplimeiH Mr. 1). Chri.-tie Murray on <
his own <;real sncei'ss. Whether his
new novel i- i>> lie e?|iial to the otiiers j
remains to lie seen. out t! 1 - r;- i~ nodoulit <
that in "First JVrsnn Singular" !:; has
liii noon a truly original till -. One ;
-hudders. to think, tluai^ii; of the ir.ii- ,
ration- that wid foliow it. "Paulo-jjost |
Future" n<ay be already in typo. ! .
]
Leopold Von K:mki\ the greatest of 1
living historians. and e:v;tfor of the ;
modern historical method, is just 00 i
years of aire. lie is busily cs;ra<red hi i
erowninjr work of his life, the won- i
Aerial \Yck2<*schicht.>,''which has al- ;
ready come down from the earliest au- ;
[hemic n cord of ancient Egypt to the 1
:leath of Charlemagne. A sixth volume i
.i 4 T *1. * ? ' a
Lb liuuiit iu iijjjHjiu, :iuu Uii; vcnui&uit* i
student hopes to complete lil> v:ist tiu- i;
ier?ak:u<r in thivi* nmiv v.r:>?*s. ! i
j
WIT AND HUMOR.
No, "Constant Reader," the linos reading,
"How big was Alexander, pa?"
have no reference to the Bulgarian
Prince. Not by a Milan more.
Sonic of the English newspapers declare
that King Theebaw is o ''sanguinary
madman.'" This looks like a premature
attempt to get the old beast <^7
on the insanity dodge.;
"L Washington's birthday observed
in Texas?" asked a New-Yorker who
was visiting San Antonio. '-Observed!""
cxclaimcd the astonished native: "why
it's vencrati'd. It takes four car-loads
1 C" *1
vi uwi~ tv nil Lilt; iujuiuika un ;uai puvi^
day."?Texas Si/tings.
Pompano?"Why do yoa work so
hard. Bagley? You slave from morning
until night.'*' Bagley?"1 know I do. I
wish to get rich. I want to die worth a
million.'' Pompano?"Well, there's no
accounting for tastes. Now, 1 would
much prefer to live worth half a million.
"'? PhHad*Inhia Call.
Mamma (severely)?"You arc a bad,
naughty little bov, Bobbv. I don't
Snow what rihalHiave to cfo with you!"
Papa (who prides himself on his ability
to govern children)?"I'll tell you what
we will do, mamma. If Bobby persists
in being naughty and wicked we won't
lei- him cm tn Snndav-s^liool nnv more.1'
?New York Times.
Minister (justbefore church service)?
"How is our worthy brother, Deacon
Smith, getting on, doctor?*' Physieian?
"He is in a very critical condition; I
was at his house three times yesterday
and once this morning." Minister
(with concern)?"Indeed! I will ask
the prayers of the congregation in his
behalf."?Philadelphia North American.
A dispatch lias come to this office announcing
that the daughter of the
Compte de Paris is not betrothed to a
brother of the Czar. This is veiy significant,
it will be observed, and at the
same time not at all unmaidenly. We
beg to say to the lady in reply that wc
are already married, but will always be
a brother to her.?Binghamton Republican.
Daring the alarm of fire last night
some confusion was caused in one of the
churches by a number of the congregation
hurriedly leaving, which was soon
quieted, however, by the preacher saying:
-You Alexandrians will get to a
hot fire soon enough."' After this remark
no one left the church till the services
terminated.?Alexandria (Va.)
Gazette.
Horse-car conductor (refusinga Canadian
10-cent piece with an air of offended
dignity)?"I can't take"1 that.*' Passenger?
*\Vhy?'' Conductor?"Because
they won't take them from us at the office."
Passenger (with feigned surprise)?"Good
gracious, you don't mean
lo say that if you take that from me in
payment of my fare they'll ever see it at
the office, do you?"'
Young Featheriy?"Of Shakspeare's
plays I tiiink I prefer 'Richclieu.'"
Miss Clara?"Er?but Shakspeare did
..ivr~ ?
IIOL Wl iLC JLtiOlOUUU, 1.1X1 JL CiliUCl 1 >.
Young Featherly (with an amused
smile)?"Ah! I see. Miss Clara. You
arc one of the few left who believe that
Bacon wrote Shakspeare's plays. I
wonder if the question will ever be
satisfactorily settled.1'?Aew York Times.
Husband?"The census-taker was--in,
rtear. He demanded the age of each of ^ ?
the familv, and I was obliged to give
Kg, feu
for law? John Smith, did you tell that
man my age?" Husband (hurriedly)?
'Yes, 1 told him you were 23." Wife
(mollified)?"Well/1 suppose the law
lias got Jo be respected.'"?New . YorkSun.
Scenc?Vestibule of a Temple of Alcohol,
Hanover street. Barkeeper?"2s o?
i v *4.1 ??
eiecuon-uay. jlou can i uuv au^v
Thirsty citizcn?-Then I'll go for biennial
elections." Barkeeper?"And there
is the special election coming, and after
that the city election. Hang me, if these
elections will let us make a cent.*'
Thirsty citizen (huskily)?''Biennial!
Confound them, I'll go to make them
centennial!"?Boston Journal.
"This," said Farmer Hayseed to his
city guest, as he pointed to a large field,
"is where we keep our bull." "And are
we going in there?"' asked the guest.
"Yes, but you need not be afraid. He
is as gentle*as a lamb except when he
sees bright red. If you will take this
chalk and chalk your nose we can pass
through in safety." And the farmer
chuckled softly to himself that night as
he heard his guest packing hi? grip.?
Rambler.
It was a Sabbath morning m the early
autumn, and the sexton met him in the
vestibule of the sanctuary. "You appear
lo be a stranger, sir: shall I show yon a
scat? . Would you like to go down
front?" "Down front, is it? I should
rather say I did! I am the regularly orrlained
pastor of this church, and can
ind the pulpit myself." "He's got a
better, memory than I have," was all the
sexton said as he turned away.?Lowell
Citizen.
The editor of the Ccenr iTAlcne Record
of Murray, Idaho, is in trouble. His
paper appears without a title, and he
i?: ..iv. ,* ? i.~
Lwpuuiis. nc a m-ciuiug*
you want to see it? So do we. It's :it
Thompson. Subscribe quick, so wc can
pay the charges and get it here.'* It is
:o be hoped that subscribers will conn;
in and that the troubled editor of the
liccord can get a head. He is not the
only man in Idaho who finds it hard
work to get ahead.
A man carrying a cross-cut saw ?.nd a
broad-axe called at the office of a New
York daily paper, a tew days ago, and
applied for a position on the artistic
<ian. no sum n<: was a lumberman
from Wisconsin, had had fifteen years"
experience in chopping wood, and ho
hough' in; could hack out a few illustrations"
for the paper which would be a
marked improvement over those it had
recently published. As strange as it
May appear. he was not engaged.
Brown?"Then you have given up the
Ova of heeouiing a writer?" Robinson?"Yes."
B. ?"I thought you had
ill your plan? matured; that you were
?oing to avoid prolixity?to write no:hing
but short, sharp, sententious sen;ences;
in siiort, that you were going to
be a regular condenser?" R.?"Yes.
hat was my plan, and 1 attempted to
:*arry it out." B.?"Well?"' It.?
Well. ( set out to write, but I'm blessed
1r T llitnl' r\f ?nn4l?m/* +r\ /?nn_
lonse."
.vir. Dusenberry, I'm shocked to see
hat you will pcr-ist in fishing. It is
liomble to hurt the little things in that
ivay. I declare J'il not let you bring
uny of them into the ho?tse.'v "Well,
my dear. I guess yon an- about ri^ht. It
is excessively cruel. 0i course the remark
does not apply to that pretty little
South American bird in your hat. Pos?:biy
it was chk>rv>i"<?::iii-d. While it may
be wrong to supply the demands of apx-tite,
it is pevi'cctlv ri^ht torepond to
;ho follies oi iashion. If?" "Mr. Du enbony.
you're :i brute?that's nluit
,'o.ti arc!'"? Pt'u/'*'khJuJt. ' 'elL