The Fairfield news and herald. (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1881-1900, December 31, 1884, Image 1
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WINNSBORO, S. C., WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER SI,
, . - - - - ___
. ~r- ? ?? ??? 1
A Boy's Conclusion, j
If I bad a eo~cb and "corses eight; ?
I wouM choose to ride on the farm-yard
sate:
Tlx- bi;r, rod grtc, v,-i;b its five strong: cars,
The tippic-stopraost up to - be stnrs.
I? pwiiijjs so s'c^\ iy Ufrainstthe ?rass
ivhen into the raer.dow the cattie pass?
I hoid on ti^hr. thouph I'm not afraid,
Veen Jerry. the clcverest fellow made,
Tugis it siowjy br.ck, with ' Come,
Tins is the way they go to liome."
Yet had I a cor.ch and hoises eigrbt,
I'd he too srrsnd for r. farm-yard sate.
I should wear new jackets the whole year
round,
Kfe And never jro barefoot. Why. I'll be bound
The President ha?n't much better fun
Than a hoy when his mother says, "You may
run!"
-I sit astride of the farm-yard srate
And make believe I am something rreat;
Tkeil oivu thew.cod 3ci. the river..the mill,
Thehqusc^qniroESd. r buiit on the hill:
That pair of ponies J'iss E:dcr tries.
And all the taffy Elias buys;
Or I've just twee back from an Indian war
t^S^at^Oy the flag's on the school house
for)..\
It's go:n;rtoVic Fourth or Juiy a week! - .
The rustj?Old\cannoc will hare to spesK. $?
-v" *- ,n,n? n a
, lxi had a coccii jf:nd fcorsos eis&r^
I'd like to drive srh su* a gate.
Stupid old feUovs mfcht side.
The coachman has tae t o- - of the ride.
O'.;, the \ray Td nianaec the re-ins and tvbip?
"SieRdy there! even.'" rot a s'ip,
. Wottkin'tFarry aau Walter stare?
Captain Bcacomo wctt'-d twitch bis hair,
"tin takes the road as I took the sea:
"\i:V Eca?!y, the youngstor is beating meI"
"Whcvrl jfot a tumble? Tou'ro rathcr^rnall .
To balance rourseif? or tie jrate's too tall?. >'?5
B* "WJiJch is it, soonr?" Ho rubs his head;
H| Grasr quite j*> ?ofr ok :; I e ;; S
Bk ^^S'noyfcd i-vras cri bin? Now, Jerry Lane,"
Wait tiilyouLcar"a leiiow complain! J
I tras thinking?wol!, thoughts get jumWod
soli:
I had.a coach ar.d horses, you know, . J
Always harnessed to take a rids,. . i
I \ronIdn'tmftid fitting sometimes inside!"
'?Charlotte iiellen Packard.
KX-V:*-^. I I ?JW?P?
UXDES DIFFICULTIES.
?
"Do yon roaliy mean It, '"darling?"
"Of course I do, Frank.. Do you .
think I would joke about suci? a-sxrb- ~j
ieet?" replied pretty Grace Ramsey to
her affianced husband, as she nestled!
her sunny little head on his broad
I shoulders one bright March evening, as
the dying sun glinted through the cosy ,
drawing-room, casting a golden giory
upon the pictures; carpet, and crimson (
curtains, "as if trying to outvie the
chcerful fire that blazed in the highly- j
polished grxte. ;
"I could not refuse you any thing, my ]
sweet Grace," he said tenderly, as he
pressed her dewy lips; "but I would j
much rather you had asked me any- 1
thing in the world than this."
"Why, Frank?" she returned, look- ^
ing up into his hant!some face" with one 1
of her bewitching smiles, that always
finished any argument in her favor. t
"Wen,, you see, to spend one's ton- (
eymoon in a new house,, and at this j
. treacherous time of year, might not be <
OS A TT?oll_ I
CU kUUUUiUVlb, ?11J y&t, iU U .
pointed hotel in tho South of France or ,
Italy," he urjred deprecatingly, feeling :
the ground slipping fast away from
him with her bright eyes looking shyly ,
into his, her sweet face in close prox- i
iiuity to his moustache. - j
"But it is my great wish; and I will 3
obey you in everything after we are ,
married,. you know, like a dutiful little ^
wife." she said playfully.'
"What put this notion in vour little c
head?" * \
J^--KJrandmamma; and you mast agree
BHprtiiat sie is clever. Xo~ yoa si: dovm
here, and I will take my old place on ]
^ ~his leet coaxingly. _ _ j
4'So grandma has put this notion into
your mind?" ]
"Yes; she'said that when she was ]
married grandpa took her straight }
from tho church tc their new home, and
thev were as happy as birds." ,
"But what time of year might that (
happy event have taken place?" he <
asked mischievously. \
"July, I believe," Grace said-de- .
it\\rViof mof-tprs tho time? .
UlUtlMJl. . Tiu?? ...
Surely it could make no difference."'
"That is just what does. lilarch and 1
July, little sweetheart, are very differ- j
ent in. our changeable climate; besides, <
I fancy a little bird whispered to me 1
that their home was a fine old mansion ;
that had welcomed several brides, i
whereas ours is a newly-built modem
villa, that should be well-aired before ,
we take possession."
"So it is," she persisted. ' 'J ane and
grandma were there all iast week, and
the fires are blazing beautifully from
morning till night. Come, say 'yes';"
and her soft white arms were round his
ncek, and a pair of tempting lips placed
dangerously near to his; and Grace, as
usual, gained.her point, but she had to
pay her lover the penalty of a score of
ETTCCAe
"This is delightfa],darling husband,"
whispered' Grace, as. they drove to their
new home at Clapham, after the wedding-breakfast
* "I shall be such a
happy little wifey?commencing life in
our own dear home; it must bo better
than those big, cold-looking hotels,
with staring waiters and pert chambermaids."
"So long as my sweet wife is hippy,
I am content," he said tenderly; '"but
there is a nasty east wind to-day;" this
as he folded her furs around her with a
lover's anxious carc. "I hope everythiog
is ready for us."
' Oh, you need not bo uneasy; I feel
sure Jane will attend to everything; she
is a perfect paragon."
? "Wow rr? ftw n.t.last! Welcome, dar
nfe ling wi&v to your home!" he said as be
P led her Tip the flight of steps where old
w Jane stood with two maia-servants. to
receive their youns: mistress. ^
unjs looks .so.anx- :
jous**' thought Grncep^T'^ope^e^Fpi.r
thing Is all right Oh dear! what should
I do if there was anything gone wrong?
. Frank would never "cease "teasing me.
Where are the stair-carpets, Jane?" she
whispered, when they were in the drawing-room.
"I thought everything was
straight.''
"So it was, but the dratted cistern
took to leaking this morning, and being
Easter-time no man can be got for
loste or money. I never saw such a
gingerbread house as this in all my
born days!" sue said gloomily.
"Can't you manage to put them
down, so that Frank won't notice it?"
the poor little bride faltered.
Hp . "Put them down to be spoilt! Why,
they are already, wet through in, some
places; -but here comes the master," as
she bustled out of the room.
"This certainly looks cosy and homeVSTKoff-^r*
oc Via
UOMi aiiiU X i ilXi a. ?iu>u..vu .
ed his bride in a loving embrace, and j
seated her in an easy-chair by the fire; |
"but what is the matter with that wall? }
Why, I believe it's damp, the paper is j
perfectly wet and peeling oa I must j
see the fellow who papered it;, sueh a j
room cannot be fit for my little wifey." !
"Oh, that is nothing, Frank-, it is of- j
ten like that in new houses, I believe," j
she said timidly.
"I must insist that you don't stay j
another moment," ringing the bell !
sharply for Jane. "Why did you per- !
mit your mistress to come in this damp
vault?" he said testily; "it's enough to \
kill a dog."
"I am sure, sir, it was no fault of ;
mine," said poor Jane; "thov say that
the paper in new houses often sweats?
at least, that's what the man styled
i*.''. - -
"Is there no other room fit to rcceive
us?" .ha.:i^cd^Vsurely the dining-room
would no better?"
"Weil, you see, sir, the stove is wkat
they cn.Il slow cobustion."
"Slow what?" he said, laughing in
spite of himself.
"I don't know exactly how to pronounce
the name, but it's a sorry thing
at the best, and won't act nohow, try as
you will."
"It's a beautiful grate, Frank," interposed
Grace; "it's one of the modern
ones, and is called slow combustion."
_ "ii's dratted slow!" grumbled Jane.
"I've spent three-quarters cf an hour
oyer it and can't get a lire to burn, so
it's slow enough III all conscience."
"Never mind, Jane; I'm beautifully
warm and comfortable?indeed I am,
dear Frank." ^
"Wellr-^6'PT>Y^^ we must make the
ihiiUn IWlilL JL 1*1, m^ l vWTOlUZBU
Gracc; "mus c alwayssSmtO^aiik; I'll
play and sin^ some of iiis favorites.^ . *
Iix'a few minutes the little cloud was v
blown over, and the pair'were kappy
a3 turtle-doves, a3 Grace sang song after
song to 3?rank's intense delight.
"What on earth are they doing in the
kitchen?".she thought; "I must go
and see.. I feel sure they will break
the grate to pieces in a minute. Oh
dear, oh dear! -I wish I had taken dear
Frank's advice.: .What arc you all doing,
'and where is the dinner?" said
Grac?. ''It is soaring the time."
"Binner, indeed:--Syou get supper
it will be a wonder^to me,." gasped
Jane, as,- armed with an immense fluebrush,
she and iter assistants were
making frantic raidirnpo:; the kitchensr,
"^Kinle-the smoke poured out in volames,
neiuriy choking poor Grace, who
stood the image' of despair, gazing at
Liie lowls, lish, ana joints, mat iay
strewn about, getting, peppered with
blacks. . - ; |" 2 * '
"What's to 'be dono, "Jane?" she '
stammered, as she covered her golden
fciead to evade the shower of soot, and
laught up her satin robes nervously; 1
"it is past six o'clock, and Frank was 1
just saying he felt rather hungry. Can ;
nothing be done? Couldn't yon get ]
Some hotel to send in a dinner?" .
"Where's the hotel in this outland- 1
Lsh hole?" snorted Jane, as she tbrust f<
:ho broom, savagoly. up into the offend- 3
ing draughts; "I can only assure you
;hat no dinner can be cooked to-day in ]
:his gingerbread affair." 3
Seeing no hope from the faces^of Imy I
!>f the scared:scrvants, Grace returned 1
:o her husband, aad in her pretty coax- 1
:ng manner,-broke the unhappy, tidiztgs 1
jO him, and in less than ten minutes a *
:elegram was dispatched to the Gros- j
renor Hotel, and a recherche little din- *
ler ordered. T
"So that little difficulty is over, my 1
iarliug," he said, as they drove to 1
Pimlico; "but don't you think it might 1
lave been better if you had listened to 1
ny advice and spent our honeymoon ?
it one of those big cold hotels?" this
srTffh a TmsfthiGMtoa twmkla in hiff fivo.s. 3
"As yon are mighty, be merciful," ?
;he said, laughing merrily. "I had no 1
dea that the stove -wouldn't cook, or c
" I
VThat the d rawing-room wa3 damp," *
le added; "or " c
tiXi:?f :. -n 1?3?:?j ^ ? : is a L -Q
jouted. ?
But further domestic argument was ~
broken by a waiter opening the broug- t
lam-door, and Frari3? assisting her out ?
nto the comfortable hoteL . *
"Thank Heaven we are in a civilised v
>lace at last!" murmured the new Ben- ?
jdict fervently, as they seated them- E
selves at an elegantly arranged dinner;able,
laden with flowers, bright silver, c
md sparkling glass: "this is comfort, c
it any rate." d
They both enjoyed their dinner and ^
pledged each other in rare wine, and J
or.^ ariv amount of siliv ?
things, doubtless as- thousands of J
brides and bridegrooms have done be- *
fore; and, if troth must be confessed, c
Srace was sadly loth to return to her '
villa at Clapham; but she was a true *
daughter of Eve, and determined to *
keep her own counsel from her lord 5
and master. *
"Here's a pretty go, Miss Grace?I ;
beg your pardon, I mean Mrs. Whar- ?
ton," said" Jane as the pretty bride en
tered the breakfast-room next morning,
looking as fresh and sweet as a blushrose,
in her azure-blue morning-robe,
with its clouds of lacs around her fair
neck and arms. "Why,
Jane, what is the matter
now?" she said anxiously; "surely you
can manage to get us some breakfast of
some kind?"
"That's right enough so far," groaned
Jane; "but there's no. water for the
master's bath, it's leaked out somehow
through some dratted pipe and soaked
your wedding-dress, and tho' .cako, that
vonr noor dear <rrandma sent homelast
night while yotfwcre out at dinner. .'I
went and unpacked it at once, thinking
the dress_ would be better laid loosely
liko than "crumpled up, and there's the
spiendid cake and satin dress all of a
pulp; tho flowers, too, all soppy and
spoilt.'3 " ' ' " * #
. This was the proverbial last straw,
and proved too muoh for poor Grace,
who threw, herself on ' the coach, and
covering her sweet face, burst into a fit
of tears, exclaiming:
"Never will I try to ^et my own way
again! What will dear Frank say? On,
never forgive mc?I know
In another moment she felt a string
pair of arms lift her from the couch,
and a tender voice whispering in her
ear;
"You are light, my, dating wifey; I
win nou lorgive you uaiess yuu. \u.j
those eyes and haye your breakfast,
and then obey your lord, and .order'
your things to be packed - up immediately.for
die ConMnent, whither I mean
to take you."
"But what is to be done, Frank, about
the cake? And oh, my pretty dress is
spoilt, that I was to have worn at Lady
Stcedmaa's reception!"
"Another cake can*be ordered; also
a dress, quite as pretty as your v,adding
one;. but a smiling happy wife is
not to be purchased," he replied, kissing
away the pearly but penitent;tears.
"Are you happy, darling?" her husband
whispered, as the train neared
Paris. * - ^
"Yes, Frank," she replied earnestly,
"truly and peacefully* so, because I
have learnt a lesson?to listen and rcWitt
linchinH'c ,wi<t5>pj5."
oyw* U.J
"And I am the happiest man an tno
universe for having commenced our
honeymoon under difficulties, and haye
won the sweetest of "rives."
First cotton planter?"Well, C'recn,
I hear you done knocked d?wn a maD
on the steamboat t'other da\." Second
planter?"Yes; one of them cotton
cotton spectators came up and asked
me to give him an example of my cotton.
I diffused, whereupon he consulted
me; then I picked up one of them
windlass chairs and knocked him prosperous.
''?Harper's Bazar.
- jr
/ Other "Worlds TJiait Oah?.Thc
world of human Affairs'is ic ike
mind. A man*-visits the park to-day.
His soul is iil, an.i the grassy expanse,
the tree-foliage. and the colors and
smell of the ilywers como to him and
cure hire. He remembers the parkfondly,
and is impelled afterwards to
return to it. Now his mind is well,
his spirit is proud. The same park is
there, but the visitor has no power to
see it He may begrudge the time
taken in the trip.
A fanner goes across a fine field. Ho
discovers a Canada thistle,.and a panic
takes hold of him. He goes:homo and
endeavors to all'ect th<j minds of ri*
sons with the sr. mo 'alarm. They must
all get their i.oc.- and search for
thistles, or. the farm will, be overrun
and they will all be ruine-l. A ladv^
visiting this farm, goes
same field... ..Sue;-discovers1 fa'' Ion.
she taKuo^Such .a view of ]
the surrcun?uhL^ lhat she afterwards j
sits down and unites to a friend that j
sue will ever regret tins ir.:euu m:gat 5
not have been there just theiito siusre j
the scenic She \vouid even " have j
guessed tiiat her Lost, the farmer iw.w ?
panic-strickch axvi' the thistle,. \vouM_ s
only have to . to th:ii.s:ime spot ;o* j
<ret the emotions which she enjoyed.
How let ns im^pno that her friend, to s
whom she writes, by some chance were ;
traversing, that field andnhcr^hcard of T
the death of hnsU^ud or Aild. All the ,
beauties of the. scene would:still be
there, but the sad effect which they hud t
on the farmer would bo intensified ten thousand
times Am the m ind - of the re- *
cipient of such news. How., traly t
Northumberland speaks in the second t
part of King Henry Fourth: , ?
"let tnellrst Dringer 01 umveieomo ??iws ^
Hath but a loins: cffico, r.nt] his toagne
Sounds ever alter rs a suiJcn bcl!, c
Bemembere i knolling & ceparsed friend." c
Each man upon this earth lives in t
bis own World, a cocoon, a chrysalis, \
which has grown less permeable each
rear. It is idle for us lb present our c
ivorld.to him?when he is not in the 1
mood to leave his invisible ^helL Thus e
the author, the painter, the statesman s
?all who depend for their success on
reaching the inner and liner attributes g
their associates?mustaVi,ie apatient g
Lime. What elicitcd antipathy ye'ster- c
iay may pass ^vith apathy to-day'r may" p
meet with sjmpathy'to-morrow. c
The czar of Rusiia reigns an absolute o
nonarch because his nations1 are a
pleased that he should. When he
passes by, the'peasant feels anexajta- a
ion of spirit, and believes that he ia-in r
;he presence of something holy. Let
is suppose some an^el visited every S
lome in all the Russias and spoke to v
joyard and peasant with .the power of s1
;ruth. The ten diadems-' at-Moscow ti
vould count for no more than the same p
lumber of crowns in the property- c
'oom of a theater. No assassin would ti
leed to mole his way under the palace s:
it St. Petersburg. The czar would be s;
in impossible personage. 1<
T Anle + U A# X\(A M AA maM
XJ\J UiO UiAkUCUW V4 \YHtS bJ
-esterday a saint and a king. His e
associates were 'counts ahddukes and d
narquises. To-day his people are v
hanging their minds. To-morrow the fi
ing will be a condemned and executed a
elon. His associates will be wander-' tl
rs on the face of the earth. Even the ts
iVr ^ torn ^6 uY oi "i-ix^ lliiUl'LZ 61
he people, and God and government h
>oth be defied and set at naught The b
est of the world, unable to see the g
i<*hS let in by' the . French revolution, p
toll look on in dismay and believe the p
>bople of. a whole nation have goner u
aad at one and the same time. ' e:
Some years ago a German paper- n
arricr on West Madison street in Chi- o
ago arose at4 o'clock a. m?, washed,, p
[ressed, took a street-car, visited'the' n
arious newspaper offices, got' his li
lapers, returned to his house, laid his c
>ile of papers on a counter?the place!
- - - - .? V - * 5 1 \
vas a iaunary? wens to iuc oea waere'iis
wife was still sleeping, shot her
tead, and then lay down beside her
iad took his own life in thesame way. I
Sow what a gulf there was between c
he goings and comings of this mart r
>nd the life within him. Truly, the' a
master was away. Had you met the ?
body of this man on the street you ,
would simply have been speaking to >
the everyday attributes to whom'he f
had left the charge of his beinw.
To-day a shoemaker opens shop at a
new stand. A caller asks for Thomp- ,
son, the former tenant. -The:inquirer,
is informed very politely that Thomp ^
son has moved to Dakota. The next .
caller is told less politely.. The next .
caller is spoken to formally; the next- t
curtly; the next half angrily. Now ,
you yourself drop in to see Thompson.
You leave that shop with the impres- t
sion that you met the "champion mean
man." You have seen him! There he
is?keeping shop in Thompson's old ,
? ^ ~ Wft nnf Tf
jpitlUt?* JJUb JUU Uikru MVM A.V VMM MV*
rain as hard as yon supposed. You .
stood under the eaves of a large roof ,
and got all the-water. That other man ,
does not move along in the street-car^ 1
He is not a brute necessarily. His lit- ,
tie world may be in utter darkness.- .
.His wife may have died yesterday."
She may even be worse than dead to
him. Last week he. would have gone
the whole length of the car to oblige
you. You ask the* name of . the street '
from a chance passer. Think of It! ;]
He may have been neglecting bis most ; '
important interests 'for -twodaya. He;
may not even have been able to receive-'- (
money from debtors on account of the i
which surge within him.^ls'js'SS^ a wonderful
thing if he shallgive
decent answerr
"We are such thing as dreams are
m ade, on'*?ne v.ef were truer words' \
spoken! Let us go out among our fel- ;
lows with exceeding charily. If we 5
could see into their true existence, our-'
paths would bo much easier to follow. !
let, with the knowledgo that each i
man lives a different life and^sees a \
different world, we may come to a bet- 1
ter understanding with our friends and
a more enduring truce with our enemies?John
McGover, in the Current.
. Delights of Country Life.
"Now, then, farmer," said the denizen
of the city, after he had made arrangements
for the board of himself
and family for a fortnight, and paid
the bill in" advance, "I suppose we'll
live in clover while we are here?plenty
of gaud conntry butter, and all that,
eh?"
"Oh, yes, sir."
"No danger of starving, eh?"
"Oh, no, sir; the peddlers from the
city come this way twice a week with
vegetables, fruits, and; such; the milk
train stops and leaves a can every day,
and the butter, cheese, and eggs man
comes round every Saturday aj regular
as clockwork.. You needn't have,
fear but you'll' have plenty to eat"?
Somerviltc Journal.
The famous Dismal swamp is now regarded
mainly as a source of juniper?
or white cedar?for shingles, tubs,
pails, and "arms" for telegraph poles.
THE DUDE'S CIGARET.
It Kills, but "There's Millions In It.'?
"Have you any cigarets, Mr. Dru<j
Store Man?" a dude asked a North
side drug store.
"Any kind you wish."
Til take a package of TVJignonet
Bouquet."
"Well, we haven't any by that name,
but here is the next thing to it Thesearc
called Til never forget my sweetheart*
"
"I'll try these." said the thin-legged
young man, and as he balanced a smning
pair of glasses upon a long andprominent
nose he gave several pufts
at the sample of the new brand, glaiiced
admiringly at the pale face reflected.:
behind tne cloud of smoke in the looking-glass,
and went his way, gayly
whistling tha air to the latest loveson?.
1 The proscription clerk came out from
><%hind his wiudow and looked at the
in contempt "Ob;erye^s*2Q
~St^S^w?<how the, youth. ad-,
nired himself
ront of the fflass." Well^jr a'are say ?
.he tobacco .s'ickoned him, but he-smokes
because it looks' well I pre- i
;nme he wears glasses for the same . i
eason." - i
"You hare no right to complain,"
irrid the proprietor, "trade- would not j
)e half so good for us if the dudes did .
iot smoke. You might as well tell the t
vomen to stop eating morphine and t
lispense with cosmetics. Suppose.they ?
lid, what would become of our occu- t
jations? We might have to turn in t
md do what those men are doin^ out <
here?scrape the sireets. It's all for <
he best The dude smokes ;cigarets, i
md -while- he- does he patronizes i
obacco-cffie.''; After awhile* he gets a 5
sough aud goes "to the doctor, and <
!<5mes to us with a prescription. He j
hinks he has a fatal disorder, and so t
7e get the best of him again." ]
"That may!"be so," said the clerk, j
tejectediy, ' "but in the meantime he i
tas married a' rich girl and is prepar- 1
d to-lead a life of -ease while more j
ensible.men.are rol%g'pills.". t
"If-jou' want to catch, onto a rich 1
;iri,^?aid-1&e proprietor, "you oughter ]
;o and'hire out as a coachman. In that x
ase you d have to get used to a cob- i
iipe a la Carlisle, -that is until-you 2
ould stand in with the family and find I
ut where the'-old man kept his Havan- t
s." c
"Ton don't meau to infer that dudes a
je the only people who smoke: ciga- I
ets, do you?1' a reporter-asked. -s
"No; they are the largest customers. - t
ome are consumed by young boys and i:
romen. The' dude and the cigaret
eem made for one another, and the g
rade in them?I mean cigarets?de- v
end upon the crop of dudes. In Chiago
there must be large numbers of a
tiese silly young men, for the annual s
ale of cigarets is immense. A whole- i
ale dealer told me recently that at
jast 100,000,000 of them were sold by t!
tie firms he could name on his fingers' v
nds. - It is a question - whether the
ude was called ont by the cigaret or a
rhether he originated the cigaret The n
rst cigarets were made for the trade
bout ten years ago, up to which time D
ie tobacco and papers of which they 1
ere made were sold separately, .ao<u -c
g.liibijlsbivea.T aTEce tacd. liiikifiaiUfy ":,
as been invented by which they can
e made in large quantities; Since the p
oods began to be sold in ready-made I
ackages the trade has shifted,_ it ap- e
ears, from the confirmed smokers over k
> dudes and beginners, the old smok- h
rs preferring cigars, becauso they arc ?
lade of better tobacco and have none n
f the poison contained in the cigaret* t
aper. This ^enters-"into the Diood, c
lakes the face pale, settles npon the t
mgs, and gives birth to a hacking 3
OUgh." fllJf'lJMll'i s "2* r
. ? ' ? _ V I
' "SFcrth a .Dollar.. t
?? v
Journeying once from New York to c
?oston in the cars, Daniel Webster oc- t
upied a seat with a gentleman/, who c
elates the story, to whom he said hot t
, word until the train was approaching c
few Haven. Turning to him then, .
a his profoundest voice he asked: *
'Can you tell me, sir, of any place in *
Wo-trort toTiptp. I can <ret a fflass of \
irst-ratc brandv? I anT uot~ feeling i
rell." " {
His companion did happen to know a
ittle house opposite the station, fam- u_
us in those'days to the initiated,
vhere the unadulterated .could be ob- *
ained, and it being without a sign, he
old his inquirer how to find it?to encr
the door and go up-stairs to the
ittle front room, and ask for a- glass 1
>f tbc best brandy. "And, stay! tell ;
he man to give it to you out "of the
jlack bottle under the counter."
There was eot much time to lose,
jut Webster found the place, and, *
nounting to the little room, astonished 1
;he keeper by the magnificent depth of -j
?ne and air-Of authority with which ;
ae asked for a glass of brandy, and :
;hat, too, without delay. 1 "And, stop, 1
iir," said the statesman, slowly -rais- i
nrr his hand jind uointinsr with iris el- j
?quent finder, "I want it from that
black bottle under the counter."
The awed keeper obeyed- The great
man poured out a nearly-full tumbler, <
poured it down with expanding satisfaction,
threw a bill on the counter,
and turned to descend.
"Stop." sir!" cried the man; "your
jhangel"
Wcbs^r lT^eiwith^portrtrtious solemnity,
and in the tone tha4: so often
si?."
dy like that to a thirsty traveler-should '
never give change for a dollar."
When the astonished barkeeper related-tho:
incident, he learned who his
imposing customer- was.?Harper's
Magazine.
A. Good Story of-Washington Xrtring. j
workmen*'' sayi ao,oldi^ra^ of Washington
Irving ."reminds me of another
good story which ?e used to tell with
great enjoyment?no one can tell , his
stories., as he used to. One day wheal
he was building the extension to' Sannyside,
as he strolled about watching
the carpenters, he happened to pick up
an apple that had been blown from a
tree. The next moment he felt his '
arm tugged, and turning saw a ragged
little urchin?one of half a dozen who
had come to pick up the chips left by
the workmen?looking np into his
face.
" 'Say, mister,' says the little chap,
just you come with me and I'll show
you where to get some good apples;
tat mind you don't let the old man
know,' meaning Mr. Irving himself.
* 'Well,' MrT Irving used to say, telling
the story, *the little scamp brought
me to the very best tree la my orcnara
and there we filled our pockets together
and ate our fill of my very best
apples. TV'e got on very well together,
and I Jbelieve it*s the.only case I ever
heard of where a man participated in
the robbery of his own orchard.' "
|
* r> \ The Story of a Coat.
I was strolling along carelessly in.
Chatham street, when a man rushed
o?5.of a door, with a Sam'l of Posen
face, and seized me in his arms. "Great
Cics^rr' said I. He started to carry
memto his store. Is it possible,
thought I, that he has mistaken me for
"b? clothing store dummy, and is taking
me in ont of the wet? Before I
faisw where I was, he had dragged me
ii$p hB - lair, where there were two
sra^eMen, who looked so much like
hi^j thStiho- three might, have been
Mkcnsor twins, i thought 01 Darnel
in the lion's den. I was. representing
DanieHii the tableau. Like Daniel, I
W&Vakenfora profit.
Did-you ever notice how those Davebo
~rt brothers, of spjk5*^silistic fame,
J hkl"ever"seen. *""it wasreally a':'^
Examined the coat once more. The e
raimentwas of the very best cloth; , o
CkV-1 asked myself; Is it right for me t'.
o tiibeadvantage of tho mistake of h
hese unfb?tnnate Israelites, who are v
itrangers Si-.a strange land? May1 be1 ti
Urttr Anf Knoin/ieo v
Uvj* yuu x-u. uu.an.wj), ?i
md perhaos theyh'^e;famflies depend- a
:nt upon them for support. On 'the j3
nh.-'r* hand, business is business. It Is t
or them to look out for their own in- t]
erests. .If they see-proper to sell rue o
1120 coat for $7, why-'sfcwKd I pre- v
iuaie to dictate . to. pcrfect strangers 1<
ibofet their business 'affairs? I relue- d
iantly .consented -to - buy the - garment ?
[ handed out $7, which they accepted p
vithont at^ hesitation, which surprised w
ne,' as I expected them fo back.out. . I r<
jacked our assoonas they wrapped tip
ny purchase. It was so kind .in them o:
o wrap up the coat for me considering y
low little money they got for it When ti
! got into the street with the bundle e1
inder my arm I felt as'if I had stolen h;
t My conscience troubled me 50 that ci
! took the bundle back to Abraham, ci
saac and-Jadob; and - told them that tl
here must bprsome mistake about the si
oat They" became very indignant T
.nd, not. only refused to take it back. y<
nit actually pushed me out into the ?
treet with as much cordiality as
hey had formerly shown in pulling me
a. /*'
I hurried off with my /precious barainrwhich
the partner of my joys un- in
trapped. "*Z r-ltk
"Is this the coat you paid $7 for? J th
st^Xty.&ife, holding up a wrotched, p<
h'oddy garment I had never seen be- st
ore?or behind either. - m
"No.nO.^J stammered; .''J&atf's-not a
he coat. The Jevr has wrapped up the n<
rrong coat by mistake." V ^ ?<
*?Wel3, then; take it back to them,', al
nd tell, them that they have made a to
lis^ske, and got your money bacfcyY# [ &
I did take the" bundle back fo; them, p<
ut they said there wa3 - no mistake, sc
'hey would not listen to me.A t1$to it
hildren indulged in- unseemly levity, yr
-has sinpb. been cut up for- dish' Se
eriefftfb I met Sykes. He "has lived in w
f - T_ 1. - _ A IrWATTTfl <?f_
tew ZOTK ail ms lilC, iiiiu. rto w
rything about the cirf. He said: "I to
:now those identical Israelites. Lord, m
ow they hatc.me. I can pass there a d(
liou3and times a day, and they will ei
lever try to sell mc a coat for $7. They tu
ried once and I got away with the n<
oat You see, I knew all about the *1
rick of wrapping up the wrong coat. w
?hey fitted me with a coa$ tbat was st
cally worth twenty dollars, the finest tt
:ind of a coat, and then after I had a
ried it on, and found it fitted, they tl
ranted mc .to take it ofii I refused to cj
o-operate. I would not let ihem take h<
he coat ofH Abraham tried to pull it ii
iffj and I hit him a. fearful whack on p.
he nose. I nearly knocked it olE Itis e:
rooked yet. Then Jacob ran to the c<
loor and called: 'Bolice! Bolice!' A &
joliceman came running with his ?
ongue hanging out I happened to ^
mow him. His name is Mike Sullivan, f*
"r- - - ? ?1?1 ~ TvTeliYnnn Wfl w1
ZLti lit Wiiuicduuiuu jui?uu4MMt ?.
jelong to the same lodge. He clubbcd h
Abraham and Isaac all over the store, d
vhilo I got Jacob over a dry goods box r;
md paddled him good with a piece of S]
he cover. _ r ;. _ 11
"Policeman Sallivan ran all three Is- a
aolites in, and Judge Donahue, anoth- u
?r chum of mine, a whole-souled, noble 0
[rishman, by the way?you ought to
enow him, I'll introduce you some day'
?he fined Abraham, whose nose I disocated,
$10, and Isaac, whom Sullivan
jlubbed, got $20, and Jacob, whom I P
paddled with the piece of a shoe-box, ?
^ot ten days for resisting an officer in
the discharge of his duty. And I got ?
away with the coat, and the best J.
of it was-th.it 1 didn't pay the $7, so I r
?ot the $20 coat for nothing. When- ?
aver I pass their store,", continued f
Sykes, "and any of thefa are standing
in the door, I shake my hand, and say: ?
'Abraham, ion't you vant to puy a *
goat for seving toilars?' "?Alex, K
Sweet, in Texas Siflirtgs. " c
?^
Worked His Way.
r A . .V ;
a <*t/vn+ foTOdr t.hf> nthfir dav. ai> .
A OfeVUM -J ,
plied to a conduetorof a freight train J
iorpassage from Bald Knob to New- j
Vbnt Til give yon a dollarHftj^^jSS**
down. I never rid on one o' these 1
things an' I am right anxious ter see 3
how she goes." 1
The conductor agreed, the old fellow' '
climbed into the caboose, and when the
train started with a jerk, he seized the 1
stove and held it with a determination 3
born of extreme fear. The road was 3
rough, and it was about as much as an 3
experienced railroader could do to keep }
his seat The old fellow did not release 1
the stove until the train stopped. He
was dripping wet with perspiration,and
seemed to be greatly fatigued.
"Here," said the conductor, "pay (
your fare before you get off?" (
"Podner, r don't owe you nounn'. i i
have worked my way, an' I am as tired 1
*s if I had split four hundred rails, j
Sorry to disappint yer, but it is erg in j
my principles ter pay er man for the j
chance to work."?Arkansaw Travel- ,
ler. (
"How's dat ar bey ob mine comin' \
on in de Sunday-school?" asked Sam j
Johnsing of Rev. Aminidab Bludsoe, of i
the Blue Light Colored Tabernacle. ,
"He come up mighty slow with the (
collects"?"Poah God, Til tan his ,
black hide. I gibs him a dime cbery (
Sunday to 'put- in de plate." Parson ,
Bludsoe explained the difference be- )
tween a collect and a collection, where- ,
upon Sam said: "Dar's no use crowd- j
in' the boy. I uebber had no talent for j
'lisrion when I was a boy."?Texaz \
Sif tings. . JI
Optical Uln^Tons.
Many of you know ?JaaatitpUeciL illusions,
and the curiousmiatakos which
the eye' sometimes makes concerning
an-objectat which, it is locking* but
few of us knowhow frequently we ourselves
are the. victims .ofr optical-illusions
of one sort- or another.- The
fact is, "we see iearly as much wim<wr
experience-as. we see withoureyes.
Welcnow a& - ob ject to fe -cF| - :a certain
fond in: one'--positk?; ^nd^of a eertain
color inone light; _and weyare toO'^pt
to fancy that we see ' & at: thafcform
and color in; all: posilaohs aaid'^^its,
+(>ji .'.ffrnf Aii4l. <naii>RMn.
*vhvuv:yj? *wy v
anotherstane^pint, thecontourof it
may appear efl&rely different; aml>-that
a:. different .light-: may lotaHv change
the color ofitr We aU- I^w. th^mo
actual ^color of clean boote is bisck,
and^.Be^mcef ia^a5iiiS^^6iagfeiS?
them.' p^ec^y/ Stack,
"SSkS'ii_
tear " nearly white in; parts f while'if ^
olor of that ol^ecV. and so'** "become j
earpeopl^^s^s^^^^^l^teof fheye,".and
beginners -vg'tJ? .the, brash f
ll??lnpSgp^^^J^^' *
^reas,: ow&g' ,to of {
bt? it 1
5~oftShthrown: in 0 - deep ghade^and "
lay be even darker than some'fcf^&e *
rained liko those of a skilled artist, ^
bey would know Jhe^.tfue.color of all 3
bjects they; i^el<?^S]ixt?thfe is the ' .
ery hardest thing ' an' artist has to j *
oe?see. *J ' , ' J _' ; :
ends upon the nature of the light." '? J
rhite handkerchief is black in a dark 1
30HL // "
An excellent aid to the study of col- c
r is to take a white card, and with
pur paints try ^ to match on" ft' sonie ?
ilt In " any on-painting, "ch'romo, .'or
ren colored fabric . which you may ?
ave. Then cut a small hole in the 5
ird adjoining your tint, and place the r!
ird over the tint you have copied, so n
lat you can sec it through the hole, 2
de by sido with your own attempt ,
hen you will see at once, how nearly 9
ju have matched the tint.?Frank ~!
ellew, in St. Nicholas for OcLcbzr. .
? I
The Velocity of the Moon. p
From the article on '^TIio Surround- ?
Lgs of theSn~ " by Professor Lang:- '
y, in the OctyOcr Century, we ^quote ?
ie following: "WVcaii faintlypicture,
jrhaps, how it would seem, from a
ation near the lunar orbit, to -see -the
oon?a movin^ world?rush l^ w?tlfe. rj
velocity greater than that of ihe can- 2
jn-balljin its swif test fl^htjbut with
[ual speed Its shadow actually travels
ong the earth; and now, if we reirn
from our imaginary' station toa . ;i
si one here below, we are better pre? vj
ired to see why this flying shadow is' ;22
tch a unique spectacle; for, small as
miy-lbe when seen, in relation to the w
hole globe, itjs immense to- the 6b
ere, brought^own toiuiiL _
"The reader who has ever ascended J
the Superga, at Turin, will recall the
agnificent view, and be un
irstand the good fortune of an observ- 0,
(Forbes) who once had the oppor- '
mity. to witness thence this phenorae- ;
jn, and under a neariy cloudless sky.
perceived,r he says, 'in tlia souths ?
est a black shadow like that of a 'fc
orm about to break, which obscured: y
ie^Aips: ; It- was -the- lunar shadow
)ining toward us.' And he speaks of
ie stupefaction'?it is his word:?
rased by the spectacle. 'I confess,' ?
3 continues, 4it was the most terrifyig
sight I ever saw. As always hap- _
ens in.thejcases of sudden, silent, un- ^
cpecte'd movements, tlie spectator >1
Nn^nnnrie.f>o?1 on#} rplfl-frvp mntifln. T
:lt almost giddy for ' a moment, as
lough the massive building under mo
owed on the side of the comingclipse.'
Another witness, who haa
een looking at some bright clouds just r
efore, says: 'The bright* cloud I saw v
istinctly put out like a candle. The v
ipidity ot the shadow; and the intern- fc
ity, produced a feeling that something t
laterial was sweeping over the earth g
t a speed perfectly frightful. I invol- t
ntarily listened for the rushing noise r
fa mightv: wind."r " '
? ^ ^ ^ f
A Littlc Savajje. ^
. t
About the time when baby begins to 1
ut away monkev manners, and. to 1
*- 1
tHHd OU I WO IUUc liKU zb muii, u\j- wguia j
d show, in a very marked degree, the t
haracteiistics of savage tribes. For, j
pro or three years of this part of life '
he best baby is a little savage. 'His j
ieas of property are intensely savage. ;
le may De said to be always more or
ess "on the grab" (I -object to slang \
is much as any man," but really there 1
3 no other way of describing the tendincies
exhibited at this stage of baby's, i
:areer.) If he has small brothers"or listers;
(or both\ he-a-always more or ]
ess at war with thesenei^hboring Sav- ]
tges.' if he is deprived of anything he <
las come to regard' as his property
'quite .mistakenly, it may welbbe,) or <
i "he iees inr tha hands of his small j
dnsfolk any goods or chattels which j
seem pleasing in his eyes, he hag- bnt
>ne way of expressing his wishesu J
ising isTSSSW^^^feapons if he have (
ao others handy, but bringing down, a i
stick or brush or book (as the case may ]
on the head of his enemy with ail
;he zeal of a Fijian or an Ojibbeway on ;
;he war-path- Girl babies aro pretty <
learly as bad as boy babies in these ;
natters, only the girl savage differs 1
from the boy savage much as savage
voman differs from savage man.?Bos- }
'on Traveller.
A Great Drought.
Kiehard A. Proctor says that the a|e;"
>f the earth is placed by some at 500,)00,000
years, and still others of later
;ime, among them the Duke of Argyll,
place it at 10,000,000 years. None
place it lower than .10,000,000, knowng
what processes have been gone
ihrough. The earth must have become
xld. Newton surmised, although he
iould give no reason for it, that the
iarth would at one time become perfectly
dry. Since then it has been *'
:ound that Newton was correct. As
ihe earth keeps cooling it will become
porous, and great cavities will be formmlitoJi
will tqtfl in thn
;u UX WLLV/ UiUViiVi *? UiWM >. w __
,vater. It is estimated that this projess
is now in progress so far that the
water diminishes., at .the rale ci the
Sickness of a sheet of writing paper a
fear. At this rate in 9,000,000 years.
;ho water will have suDk a mile, and in
15,000,000 years every trace of water
svill have disappeared from the face of
ihe globe.
? \
"Grandmother.**
, "Is she dead yet?"
I should grieve to hear that she was.
I am referring to the good-natured,
ever-ready, old-fashioned irrandmother
of days gone by. She was-my grandmother
and yours, and, indeed, everybody
else's, when one was needed. I
remember her as gray-haired, wrinklefaced,
and hands crippled with the
hard'work of pioneer days. I remember
her sympathetic voice and soft
touch?her steel-bowed spectacles?he*
quaint old snuff-box?her bustling look
and anxious tones as she came in the
back way and called out:
1 1- -t - 5 - V
?aoiu wtuat uu?ya - naa no gave up
send go to bed, eh? Dear ma! but it's
too bad, though I guess it:s nothing
serious, and I hope you won't, worry.
Let's seciiim. Ah?um! Stomach out
of order and he?s got some fever. Had
my children taken this .way dozens of .
times, and in twp,' days, they were out
acad?l
ieck?a Kt of. rhubarb -to sweeten the ~A>
itomVch; and io i:et>r.jher say:
'WoD, now,. who\i^ thought it; but 3
ion't worry f, "MereyJ"on'me!, but^my <j
snt times. and. isn't dead' yet. - Just rou
go iight Aovsof, aifj. -Cnisij iyoar *
3along and leave me to take care of (
lim. :I j"ast dote on sick folks!" j
And didn't things turn out just as j
&g -predicted? And three days after 5
lidn't she come down into the back lot )
viere'I yras-'. eating .sour crab-apples y
adfling:upficfif'Kaadiand-exclaim: ,'m %
: "For thejand-s sake! bui does this
wy nittatrtd'^iifi' rfcihisclf afore? the ,
rammer is-but!>!
Ifraotner had a pain in her side she ^
an over to, see' grandma. If. father >
rent lame,- it was grandmother who j
iad a remedy. JSTot in our family j
lone, bat in a dozen. Not in one _
ase, but in a hundred.
Who had catnip and' smart-weed f
rid may-weed and oak bark; and spice *
lush'and' zaastaid? Grandmother, =of J
o'nrse. Who knew what was goodlfor /
arache,"tddthac^r3Mffl^^^^^r,, 6
sss^of;yappetite,/ rhehnSg^VbiljeSsir '5
ess and a hundred otherllls? -"fifand- *
aother. v > e
And if her remedies failed to arrest
iseasoarid the doctor was sent for |
ow kindly <Jonrteons he was! Every-, h
bing she had done was professionally 2
issuneav^a no seeinea aimos? sorry. P
a at 'she Hadn't worked a cure and de- o
rived him: of his fee. Be would take n
ie case and warrant a cure, but, of o
ourse, must depend upon her .to a to
reat extent Such a compliment was '
rorth more than a newjiome to iier. i, 0
AncL if death came grandmother was ?
leretcr weep with tho family and to "
ansole all others, it was her poor n
Id Supers which closed the eyes? *
hick helped" to make the shroud? ?
Inch arranged the lifeless hand?. It
as her voice which kepi wuL?pcring: Z
?fcere! therel poor thing?don's take
^o'much to heart! He is far better ?
Ef othan we are, and you must live on
those left behind." She was with
re inourncrs?at. the grave?back to' 0:
te 'tiouae to cheer the .heart-broken Bi
ad leave.theim tffiuglit with; a feeiins
mt ju waa ior the best. ^T7g H
iwing'for an aiteghoiuu'viKifc;" um, iu?br- -gj
le rocking-chair and the cosiest cor- sj
er, and no queen was more respected. _
h<s remembered the war with Mexico, ^
fkl -the fall of stars, and two or three ^
irtLquakes. She recollected what c
rerybody, had dreamed, and how it s;
imeout, and0wbo married who and p
ow they prospered. She had seen
no or three Residents; been to New .
ork and Niagara Falls. She was a ^
iedical college; aa encyclopedia ^and a 81
eok of adventures combined, and her . ?
oing away at. nisht left a vacancy ?
tint she alone could fill. ~
Is she still living? If so, may the ?
rorld reverence her. Is she dead? If "
o, may the sunshine of Heaven haTO *
lade her the happiest angel of them ?
The Secret of Living Long. ?
A correspondent of the Paris Voltaire jj
ecentlv had an interview with M. Che-' g!
rani, the famous' French chemist, j,
rhose 99th birthday has just been ceie^ r
rated by the Academy of Science. Af- -j
er thanking the: journalist for all his t
;ood wishes the 'oliTman""proceeded to c
ell him the secret of living long. "I t
tave never been a pessimist," said he. j,
and I have cautiously kept myself ^
rom being too much of an optomist
11 had not worked hard I would have
lied long ago. One thing above all I |
lave remarked: the older I grow the *
>etter mankind seems to have become. *
have seen the Eoi^n of Terror. I was ?
,hen 7 years old. Such a thing will
lever again be produced in this world. *
n- j ?- ?" maawa ?ssrtA X? nnirrA*col I
LO-Uiiy WW UUY C muivu?uvt uauiykvu* .
jeace than foolish reprisals. Times 1
ire more gentle and life is better." " ^
"To-morrow, my dear master,", said 1
;he journalist, "you will appear even 1
setter than you do to-day."
"Pshaw," replied the venerable sa- 1
rant,, "let us not trouble ourselves "
lbout to-morrow. Let us enjoy the
present I had a model of a wife, the <
inother.of a.most exemplary family. :
She has left me a posterity whom 1 love <
ind by whom I am loved.* -Why, one ?
jf my little great-granddaughters?she i
is three-years old?salutes the bust of" <
ker old great-grafrdfather every morn- i
inor. Aiiother of tfiera ^^uitea 1^^^^ ^
I wantto be a r.b i?^n I grow 1
np. They call mo Blue Stocking-,
and that vexes me.' The old man j
laughed. "Why, my dear sir," he con- j
tinned, ."I am made young again by ?
just such letters as that Moreover. 1 \
have always pnt in practice the old ad- ?
ase,; 'Seek and yon shall find.' I have j
sought, and I have always found some- j
thing at the domestic fireside as well as y
in the laboratory." {
Sure to Please. <
A genuine sou of Erin called the oth- ]
cr day at the shop of Mr. B , who j
is a hearse maker. "Cud 1 see Mr. j
Murphy :s hearse," he said,?"the wan
that s <join to Canton?" Mr. B ,
replied that he could, and led the way |
through the wareroom. Fat looked ,
around him; his eyes glistened.
"Is it wan o'these?''he inquired. ,
"Better looking one than that," was
me reply. ]
Pat oegan to grin, and his delight in- j
creased when he saw the completed .
vehicle witn its immaculate varnisn ana ,
silver fringes. ,
' "Sure, if s an illigaat tiling. Sure, |
an' Murphy's the man for stoyle," said ,
he. He walked around it, hands in his ;
pockets, head on one side, and finally |
burst out with, "Sure, there'll be sui- (
tides in Clinton!"?Editor's Drawer in
September Earner's. 1
WIT AND KUMOB.
r? ?,
"Why does a dog chase <hjfftaii?"
asks an idlo paragrapher. B?eauseit
fleas from him, of coixTs6,-^Burlingion
Free Press*
"So yon think John is becafefeg^ -v.'
great man in tho city?" said i farmer^
speaking of his absenfrsoa to at com-panionof
the youth. ' Great man! . I
should say so. Why, there ain't a Ijarkeener
in tho city hardfetiiat he don't
call by hi3 first namS*
When Mrs. Homespun read in the
paper that Slappandash had <4fsiled for
$200,000" slie said he was a lucky fellow.
, She thought?the innocent ereafailing?^
What
ftzlgingia a fainily discordaac? ac.& : ^
inaliy Mrs. B. exclafoied: "Well* fro ' ^PMBbB
eady that it troa't keep;?-r. - -?
"What," asks a very fcmife? Write*;
what caa tato*be p&we^f babies?*
>b! Bead your car a little hosier -and
re'il teiL.yoo,, Q^-^bies. Tod
lidn'i suppose this year's. crop., would
a^r^er, did jou? \Go^ixess, man,*
treath&~llroo&yn:l!agle.
The neatest fraud in Saratogais said , TnUffTIf
o be a girl who is-apt at mafang v.
cry disingeaious remarks as - tliia:
'Deary me, S6jjfiy;.you'bare; jtisS the
ame^perfome in your s<56nt bottle' thai
:our brother Dolph put*<m his innsacte."
^;iVa,^,?9dea wife.
yed what tiai4PUMgBing-at.
For ihe sake oftrdtb iaea. sfioald "be
aore careful bow tfieyytslk. It; iras
ut yesterday that wo beard a gentieiaa
say of a pretty
assed: '"Size is a. swoet-jnaL".Hrhen
a inyestigati wc iou2d- tbatbs bad
ever even kissedhev. Sack talk is an
ntiage' on Voer-.
An esteemed ^co^otto
f a'man rua ovcr onM<?dayby a Maret
itreet car, says he has four doctors
l.'aUendcnce on'-him, aad then very
nnecessafily addsi "It is..doubtful
Aether he will recover."?5c? FranxcoPosL
.
Sit>
^Tot," S3&1 Blossom, "baveyoueyer
sea baptized?*' ^Yeth, I iaye been
aptkhed. I reaiember altv'-s6d<^tit."
Do von?*4 snid Blossom. "Did ^tbe
[inister pat watery x<r& bead like he
id on. baby Johnnie's?" "No-o-o,"
rid Tot; "the doctor be jaihreorstcb1
my arm aadrubbedsometlimgon it
; didn't hnrt-a : - -J,?
;fc t6 via on. ure game. i eum fxmXvl i ?
r," -was tbe reply. "Well, z now," '
ursued tbe teacher, "if I ware to bore
hole through the earth and yod were
> go in.at this end. where would you
itnuxm^ ??Onfc.?f tJm: holA. sir."
lid the pupil in triumph.?New York
Vorld.
"How wet the poor dear boy's hair
^"-exclaimedthe loving' mother, as .
he placed her hand ten&rfy aj?on her
hild's head. "Playing oat in the
ot sua makes the perspiration, stag*
rbm every pore." , Andlittle William
fenry turned aside as he thought' to
imseir that he would go "in swimming
gain jus t as often as he could Whils
lie hot weather lastedLowell Oitisn.
Scene at the San Jose train: Genlemanin
seat. Enter" ladv.. Gentlelan
rises, gives his seat to lady, leaves
is valise under the seat, goes 'into the
moking car. Xext station. Young
adv looking out at window. Man
ushes along, looking for Ms valise,
foung lady hands It out Next - ateLon.
Gentleman comes fromsmoking .
ar, bends down under seat, apologizes
o lady for troubling her to rise. Young
aay gets up. jxo v&use. aajaisau.?
kin Francisco Chronicle.
The tallest bird known to ctfcnolo;ists
was found by Professor Herbert
n the lower eocene deposits near
>aris, France. Itwasofer twelve feet
a height and coQd have "bitten ajnanls
tead off as easily as awoodpeeker caa *
dp a cherry. Wc cannot, be too thank*
ul that this bird has gone oat of
on and existence. Ladies would have
ranted to wear it on' their hats^. and
nen who sat behind such bonnet remanents
in the theatres would be unable
o see whether a ballet or a. prayer
neeting was in progress on the stage.
?Norristovm Herald. ,
.
One of our English cousins was re flTitlv
Placed at dinner by*the. side of j
k charming womaawhohad beoa'.rOr v /- V\;
pested by the hostess
DancL"' And the Wretch sai?f
iow jolly, you know, because you can
?il me?is he realiy spotted afl oTet?"
The. happy lot of the street-car driver
s thus described by an ironical driver
a New York: The horsw haTe'.tft
rou know, but the driver j est -leans up
igarnst me aasnooaru aau wis. **
rou'ro fond of ridia* - it's'"a 'Jtft"*
fourteen shiiiin' a day is a big sue of
20aey to pxy out for seTeaieeB Roots'*
?tand it It costs ;
jo live, bccrxuae lie doesn't hare time to
sat anything. I used tokeep most' oi
my money in the bank, but so many
>f 'em arc bustfe1' u^thafT*driwed if
ill out, and now I've;gofc it:n?~ to the
louse packed away in barrels.
She was a remarkably sensible young
lady who made the request of her
Friends that after her decease she
should not be buried by the side of a
brook, where babbling lorers would
svake her from her dreams; nor is any
rrand cemetery, where sight-seers, jonning
over epitaphs, might district
ler, but be laid away to take her last
sleep under the counter' of some merchant
who did not advertise in the
lewspapers. There, she said, wSS to
3e found peace surpassing all understanding?a
depth of qalet.slumber. on
which neither the sound of the' buoy an t
toot of youth nor the weary "shuffle- of
jld age would ever intrude.?Albany
(Go.) News.
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