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4
[HE DAHLINGTON NEWS,
n I • A V M'tKM
m lil.I.-Il K, K it \ i H 1 K'
1
h: a. ivi ivt o isr d ,
! ii [.'t \M»
KKX l**T Vnuiim in
(>uo S'|Uttr(*. ti:' 1 -' iU' |, iii"n
)oe Squiin*. st ' 'il l msrrt <ri 1 1
{^Tery mst>rii'*« ' '
(’ontra’it a-’v^i ti54>*!iH , nt.’-'i up'in ff.*'
most reaHonait’f utu.s.
Mar riagf N ■' art! Obit f* 11
exce^-iing six .iu 1 s. insortt'l trou.
J
[TIT
1
VOL. VI. NO 10
■ k"R ls, i'kin. m i: is I'utNriiM.r. -rhuit is iught—yi:sti:iiuav. TiMjay. to-mokhuw. fokevkr. "
DARLINGTON, S. 0, THURSDAY MAY 6, 1880.
WHOLE NO. 278.
[ Fr iii. ilie I'lokrn- Soniuifl. 1
THF I A KM FI’S' H 0 H KN 1.1 M»1N.
In <N‘ntrn'. u hen
Th- i i 1 ^ t" i j 1111 •
InipfN a •‘iiiiii’11.1
From all i [if
, v n \ " - n ' s k
'll :111 • 111K*
The moroliuiiis
liuann in tli' v ir
Tbr11 Lena an
l»y tin' on
r-k in tra le.
ly Ut 1,
1 a t
,,1' N.jveuibcr.
NuW tu
The jific*- i n ^oati'u h.ij r.at'ii,
Itul iutkt tia.e to us in given
To raise the legal 'f.. i^r
Hut bar'ter yet w i!i bo t ho b!
Inflicted stiii by guano.
The country s curse, our C"ti.in
The Totnon lantalizor
'Tit* faM. «nd scarce b tv- u o !.
Tu j.u k bete,re a • C"' a bin.
Remanding pay tni every t'
(it 1 gus fertilizer
The yeoman r. -u l oc'Uii' - a
Jlis i-nly refuge ; s i lie gi ave.
lie merely keeps alive tu save
il IS t U II e r a 1 expensed
The swindler sunit sal oui ie'
lie holds our cultoti, cun un i
Though unprepared, we n iw T
The awful coiisetpiences.
I he Perilous Pnx^le.
[ Hob l>ut leite j
While we whirl away on the Athuit u-
u' li 11 real W estern, the utily road in
tree America that in as bwati :ts it is
long, the fat passenger atd ed me it I
‘ever W' tked out the Gtteen nu/zlo
I tell him. with u ntmieless grit.tude
in my voice, that l have done aim s*
everything else that u I' dish and wick
ed, hut 1 have neve;■ Lee une ad<iicied to
the fifteen puzzle
Then he pulled "o u "tu uf his pocket
, and sett 1 down t<> it Lung and pa
I Lieut iy l
| ieflg' Is
| critiwimns Presently the hiaketnuu
j came in an 1 lentivd over the hhoulder'; I
I of the crowd and looked and assisted, j
• Hy and by the eon luctur eatne along i
I shouting -tikis.' and he stopped to See !
I what 'Vas thu excitement lie pushed
| his punch in hi" pocket, and leaned up |
l with the re-t of the erowd and told the i
| fat passenger what to do The excite- ,
I ment ran high and ha'd a dozen bitter
| disputes ar ■'e. will'd) were only quelled
I bv bitterer ones uribing over new points, j
I The tram sped <.n Us thundering WiV.
•1 down to it
wr-ught. w lille the other p is
iped hmi with suggestions and
d i;
tmn
.pp-
d Up a little
ouductor 1 m
>a
i.
‘is
ked
that
The Fun they had on the 1 ir>t of April.
[(lamesville Kagle.l
Mrs. S — -—, on Athens street, L as j
pweet a little hit of a wee wile as there
is in this or anv other town, and i> as
{uil of fun and frolic a* a kitten. Her^
husband is a good enough m m in hi'
way but he is not funny lit is one of
these sober, solemn sock I •! >g<Tv wli ' ■
mouth seems always re tdy pucker d to
*>ay Amen; and he ;;oe.*. slouching
through the world w.tli hia hands m hi--
pockets, and if a good squa-e joke was t" !
get into him, it Would blow him up like
a can of intro glycerine His patient,
gweet-tempcred little wife manages, how
ever, to work more or less harmlesj mis
chief into him, and Le loves her so well,
that he submits with a mu t of dogged
grace to whatever -she does, and once or
twice, so the neighbor^ say, lie has man
pged to break the gram on the leather
uf his face, and smile a sort -d cotitump
live gnu, and then twitch his ears ;t■> ;
though trying tu punt.'h tlieui for :j-U ;
keeping guard over his ri.'ihies,
J<aat Tuesday while he Was up town at
the sheriff yi sal * try no to buy ti thre, j
wheeled wa^or tor fiXty ce.it-s, his v.'i'e ^
concluded she would give him a hit of a !
shaking u[» wh. u he came h um th.il
mglit. She fixed an old pistol which
she found m the bureau drawer m one
of the columns of the Laek p'rth. wrap
ped an old army overcoat around it and
having put a string to the trigger, ear
pied it in at the w indow and awaited his
coming After supper as they were sit
ting by the tire sp akmg of tramps, and
the many robberies and all that sort ol
thing, Mrs. 8 stopped suddenly.
‘\Yhat is that 'A said she.
‘Sh—bh L said he.
‘Did you hear a noise on the back
porch ?’
* Yes, l think I did '
‘Do go and see what it is '
‘Hush; I will,’ and picking up a
heavy stick, he crept cautiously to the
hack door, unfastened it and peered out
There stood a mufHed figure on the
ouleredge of the porch.
‘Who’s that A sharply.
No answer.
‘Who’s that, I say /’ more sharply
Still no answi r
‘Well, if you can’t talk. I’ll see if I
can’t make you.’ said he flourishing his
itiCK and litrode out into his porch,
Bang !
‘Amen,’ said S , as he struck the
floor, ‘Oh, Lord, Millie ! Police ! Fire ! :
Murder! ’Turn loo.se the d"g. I m a '
dead man. (J >d bye, darling.’
‘Oh, mercy upon us !’ screamed Mrs ,
g ,‘what is the matter F
•Oh, my darling. Fm foully murdered.
Kiss me before I go, raise the children j
the best you can and try —
By thin time Mrs S could hold
in no longer She nut down in a chair,
held her sides and laughed till the tears |
came S- *.!. -uMit at fimt that she 1
had gone crazy, but by this Lime Jones, !
who lives next door, arrived with a
ligkf, aud Jlrt, 8 • tried to explain
as best she could between her paroxysm
of mirth how it had all come about.
Before she got through, S had
got back into the room and laid himseil
out in an easy chair. For three solid
hours he did not say a word, and \ > r
little Mrs S , mute as a mousj, wa-
waiting his august pleasaro
At last he looked over at her and
paid :
‘I say, Millie, if you can keep Jones'
folks from saying anything about this
thing, you can go up to DulWs to
morrow and buy the handsomest black
eilk in his store. Lome and kiss me
anyhow, you mischievous rogue.’
Advertisiug Cheats,
It has become so common to write the
beginning of an elegant, Interesting ar
ticle and then run it into some adv t r
tisemont that wc avoid all such cheats ,
aud simply call attention to the merits 1
Hop Bitters in as plain honest terms as
possible, to induce people to give them
one trial, as no cue /knows their value
will ever use ‘in} thing else. — /'/"i ii/auc
AdrCf N.se/ . ‘J
Shriner'b Indian Vermifuge is strictly
a vegetable Compound, formulated par
ticularly fur destroying aud expelling 1
worms Trv
i coil may hi*,’
without looking
and
Hu iliy
up itn p < to tit iy
• V\ h it m tbund
fool Moppin" - here for
■ Water, l reckon,
replied the Lrakrtnati
up from ( he puzzle
(io out and see what he wants, and
tell him to go on,' -aid the conductor
returning to the puzzle
The hi ikeman, alt r a feeble protect,
anil one !,i-t. lingering look at the puz
ill-*, which was i) 'W t irth'T than ever
from c iniplelion. went out. I n the
space o| u iiiinute lie came h-ick into tlo
car. and shouted in a hu-ky, whispered.
gho-t of i about :
■ Nleadviiie ! t ’ll :iige ears
and f r.ink 11n ! 1 Ma lr iin
mmu t* > f, - r din her !
A wail ot' rage and disapp nutment
filled the ear.
Whv didn’t t 1 is train stop at Allan
tic 7 ’ roar- G the pa.s.-cnger with the san
dy goalee
i wanted to get out at i’.vansburg!
howled the man with t hr >ampte-rasrs
My .'1st r wanted to‘!' t on at Ailan-
tic, atnl 1 saw her on the platjorm wlo u
we eame t lit "ti^ h shouled th • woman
w ilh l he rie -Ie on lorn
d a 11 tnid I
Something Worth Having.
Miraculous inveuti -n are the ordi’r of |
the day. Kven Kdisou has been sur-
passed bv a genius who tv s vjvented
what is called a “Married man’s Indica
tor ” It is a w-mderfully sensitive arran
gement of the ordinary thermometer, in ,
convenient pocket size, and is graded to
a scale of e.bali-tic marks, which sh w
the exact state of the domestic atmo*
ph-Te at anv hour of the night The ,
hard-worked ami belated husband ar- i
rivei home, say ah -nt midnight He
takes out his ‘indicator.’ thrusts it in the |
keyhole and leaves it there a few bee |
on-I- Fulling it out quickly, he beans !
th-* dial hy the moonlight's fitful gleam |
ing. If it marks ’S. A (s -uud asleep
tlo poor husband pulls off his bout* noise- i
Icsuiy ; uses Ins night-key with hated !
breath ! gives the door a quick shove to
keep it from creakiog, steals tremblingly
to b-*d, arid Wh• u Ins dear little wifey
wakes up about two seconds afterwards
and wants to know how long he has been
home, he is so sound asleep that (Gabriel’s
trump 't couldn’t wake him.
It the indicator' .scores ‘A. A. I' B
D 1\ W T ’ i awake, awful cr- Ss, but
dor„ not know what time it is.) the bus
band puts u tew m-ue grains of coffee in
his mouth; opens the door boldly;
walks in with a slum-bang air, hits his
A Mitu of Ability,
John Forrester was very correctly
far, until a few days ago, he had
11 1 "!'ll.-I11 W JJW
Our Missouri Letter.
Our job department issupplied with every
facility necessary to enable us to compel**,
both m to price and quality of work, with evea
those of the cities, and we guarsnte* satis
faction in every parficular or charge nothing
for our work. We are always prepared to
fill orders at short notice for Bla n ks,
Heada, Letter Ileud*. Curds, Hand bills
rosters. Circulars, I’agiphlets, &c.
All job work mqst be paid fov
Cash on Delivery.
[From the Southern Christiafe. Advocato-J^
named, hr, until a few days ago, be had a>, o ■ , , ,
li* life iu thu woods Stvcnil ™ e S f rln - ,S 0 P? nln e f ,W p,^ £
day, at-o he threw as.de Ins maul, cuo.e i M<re ^ } ““ , nem ‘ l,e dc, ‘^‘
i , ti,,- , .ud nnw handles .he i-wytened hy the com,og Spring wb.le
what luthier nvk hammer. The story r.d.ufr n.y first _c.rc-«.,«_ Ihasebacl. ex-
..f .1 d.a's d iwufall shall he hr.efly rela- I * r0,Sf ' Deter en ]‘ , >' ed ^ “«• WW »«"»»«'
-w whe th
• ut <•! the
against a chair, wants
devil the chairs ain’t
wav ; gets
i ' ; scares his
and intended
hire ; refuses to lei her get up
trike a match — never did like a
at night, no how; remarks gruffly
p.mse tu a timid querry that Tt s
1 ir < Ml (’itv
M'jps twentv
f - • - * t intentionally
to k i
k.-pt
mad -m general prmeip
wife out of her ernssness
curta i n
and
in re
ah -ut twenty five minutes after ten,’ and
thin turns into Med with such an appa
rently awful Mat : ul mind tlut the wife
--I l.:> hos'im is afraid to speak of him —
at which he is very sad. of course.
There are numerous other marks on
the indieater, bhowing just where it wili
d • t-' ■ i"dg,- the h-dge dodge’ or tlie ‘.sick
friend,’ or been standing ou the e- rner
taking with .so and so for in -re than an
dl. aid
r (ieneral or Honorable this o*’ 1
m. yi-u know where, was in town,
t'i go away on the two o’clock
id he insisted so strongly that i
-Ie P my stayed up to see him |
■•ugh lie was a great h re. and !
did it thiMMgh (■••urte^y
lie iin -t a w I ully awful (d ull f he
.j -igns i.n die dial is the one at
ted. Shortly after arriving in the city
he was attracted by k sign bearing the
inscription, ‘Meals at All Hours’ Ko
tering the place and meeting the pro
prict -r, In- 8^;J .*
I Vou keep a tavern here, don’t yog?’
‘No. I keep a restaurant ’
T d -n’t jcuow mach about your new
inarms; but you feed folks here, don’t
V" ■ i' " * v
j ' \ e s, sir
: AYell. 1 want to board hero throe
days. < r ! re kon until I get a job of
i some kind I see your sign says meals
at all hours You don’t mean that, do
you’d
'Certainly I mean it. I’ll hoard you
i three days for three dollars.’
i • An-1 give me mv meals at all hours?’
t ‘Yes. nr
TF ro, take the three dollars- I nev-
| er set iny .' -f up as a regular outer, but
| F‘l buck agin you for die next three
days I n,ink that I can stand her
about that long It’s 11 o’clock. Give
' me something to eat.’
A meal was brought out and quickly
iebpcratcly diap U u-hed ; and remarking that he
would be back ou time, Mr F orrester
lult At 1J o'clock he came back and
ate aoain. 'You needn’t stare at me,’
he said to one of the waiters.
‘You are :i regular boarder, are you?'
■The refrularest one you’ve {jot. [
don't intend to miss a meal. I've {jot
n chance now to git even for belt, hungry
many a time
At 1 o'clock John came back and re
marked as he hung up his hat : ‘I’m
on time It’s 1 o’clock. Fetch me
somethin to cat. The waiter went away
muttering and brought in a rather slim
meal
‘Look a here,’ said John, ‘don’t try to
go back on y--ur contract I reckon you
did rather underrate my ability, but I'm
a man ’
At 3 o'clock John came Lack aud took
■And 1, "hh(
■ w .
man .0 Uou-k e
man n-d to a gn ! in i icurva t
n -w I II bet y "U a e *w lier oil
Walking down th' lull: -a-l tr;
du uelioii, w id!) a >ln•L-guii
wailed so pii i! ully (bat the
lu-wled in bympailuTie uni-.m
J ust then i he * x p:, -s tin -m
tot.irmiug into the i "a- h
By chowder,’ he veiled.
t) LT V1' U ! 1 l'
tli«' t • • | ’
- ah- oit t wu m
ark.' alu
• vc L-ilii !’
1 VL !/t . :i
; ' l.:’
U hint In w -
: . . ) U li .'
I'utni cujmj-
Ga) , a 'Mi
Im'Uic ;
ih-itit !‘'U(■ a, m
1 Irum the d.i'ccliun
• I Ga-l 1.' '
1 uf the
butcher sh-qi.
with a r
'Gl of meat
•L in tins
In 1(1 !;
■jh m the air.
.so that
every one
A:.G 1)L‘
1,0 po
.--.■8 cauiTui iai!
to oce it
, and Mn k>
\ 1. •!•• ear
i the in
dicahu - ’ iu tl.e
ku) hull
he is ah
' most t
1 - weak ('.• 1
raw it 1
• ut. >Vuh
;_ r ur came
hair on cini he reuGa
it by tin
' faint iiuht
?treum
1114 in upon him over
the eastern
tu k now what tins means
know il the Fxptess ('oiupany
i d just like
Id like tu
has any
rights on this road at all, and how a man
i- g -in tu deliver or receive packages
when - ’
Aud the mail agent pushed him nut
of the way and stood bet-Te (lie conduc
tor m all the gorgeous panoply of’ half
dre.'.s and hall working uniform
‘By George,’ he shouted, 'the Gov
ernment shall he informed of this out
rageous proceeding I* (here’s a special
agent iu the State of Feunsyivauta he
will he—’
But before he c -uld bay any more a
telegraph messenger came in and told
the conductor the Assistant Superin
tendent Would like to see him and the
engineer in his private office immediate
; ly. And it was that they went, and
pera-heuture they danced upon the cur
I pet ; yea. they stood m the perspiring
I solitude of the sweat-box
The uuxt morning the fat passenger
[ beckoned me solemnly into the smoking
car ‘Light that,’ he said, and I lit it
Do you know.’ he said, ‘when I went
| to bed la>t night the wails of more peo
ple who wanted to get off. and the ago
nizing faces of the people who wanted t »
| get on iu that run from Greenville to
Meudviilc just haunted me? Aud 1
diearned I died, and Went to heaven I
thought I had just filt-eeu brains, and
j all the way up the gate I Was try ug to
| straighten theiB out, aud I tb .tight I
! Would go mad When I got up there
the gate was wide "pen. and all -'-its .,f
people were streaming in, ju-l as they
I pleased 1 hadn’t the obec( to think 1
Mad a right to go in with ut any ere,fen
tials or exaiginat. u, so I hung back
looking f’»r St. Peter And while 1 was
Waiting. 1 h -pc to die if Bub Inger- 11
dido t e-une along and walk right in,
and he l-"-kt d as if he were mighty g! ;[ d
’ to get there Presently I-iw>i pe'-r
right by the gate. hi> head bent down
and his eyes bout og his knees 1 i ,U
him my name and when' I \\.i 0 tV.nn.
, and asked if I might go nj. He didn't
-ay anything and. I begun t - fee! pnify
streaked. S’u I said it o_uu. a little
loudur. Still he madu n • reply, d'h-'ii
I I shook him by the sbuunler. I t 1 was ■
g- tting pretty ar.xious and 1 b j .u t
tell il a.I over again It frightened me i
when rie shook me ufi
bv II 1 n T —oh, get --lit of this ;
yen an 1 y--ur name ; il you hadn’t h-.th- !
en d ue I -l have g-)t it the UeXt m->ve.’ )
N w the fat j/a^cenger said soieinn- ;
ly ‘I ;tm never going t-. fuol with that
(jem [ uzz.ii,' again Not unco m -ie ’
And he fell into a profound fii of ab
straction. and we couldn’t rti'se a laugh
from him all day. I
l lulls, and .-w< at breaks out ou his m-ble
i brow m dr -ps as large as walnuts, as he
i >e**s the bulb of the indicator jammed
I smack up acainst P li S li \\ F Y J
| I 1 ' (red hot and still a heating and
j waiting f >r you just inside the d-mr.’
i I he inventor of the instrument says that
i when this terrible mi.-furtunn overtakes
a man he feels that there is nothing left
in this life worth living for, and appre
ciates the full force of tho'-jo beautiful
1 lines ;
“ Hi is worll is all a fleet in g show,
For man’s deliiHion given."
He Mings the meat out into the yard,
and braces himself for the coming fray,
| hut says nothing, for mil lung can L* said,
j Be he ever so gifted a Mar, his nccom-
I p. shment is more than valueless No
| lodge, no sick friend, no talking on the
I corner, no Fitting un to see the general
1 off. no swearing that he will never do It
again — in fact, nothing will avail. It
an absolutely indefensible case. He is
a seat The proprietor came in and
a-ked him what he wanted
J want n v dinner, supper or break
fast, just wli-t you are a mind to call
it ’
■You have ; , .dy eaten .:erc three
times to lay.'
‘ 1 know that.’
•\\ Lv do you come again?'
‘l»ecause it’s 2 o’clock.’
‘It’s n-'t supper time ’
• No, hut it s 2 o’clock time ’
•I don’t uityerstand you, ^ir V/hat
do you 11lean?’
‘Y"ur understanding may have been
injured hy my surprising ability. I came
here with the understanding that I was
to have my meaL at all hours ’
•The contract ha.* been adhered to;
you have Como irregularly.’
‘No sir; I ve come here regular. It
was the agreement that I was to have a
meal every Inuir, and I am going to
stand up to it if it packs my stomach as
tight as a g'ecn watermelon. You are
trying to impose upon me because I’m
from the country. I have made arrange
merits with a boy to wake me up every
hour to night, and I ’m comin here to
cat That’s my business now, and I'll
act fair with you and cat every time
Give no an oyster can of coffee aud
some ball sassage ’
The proprietor handed the man three
dollars and requested him to fcave. A
fight ensued and John was led away by
the police When lie completes his rock
18 pile engagement he xyill sue the restau
rant for damages.
Caught in fl'h/nuitr (f<lir(u Kven the j _ m m m
{jhaB.lv {Jiiyety wilt, wl.luh, two hours, .‘Can't (Jo Hack on Lent."
I pluvious, he had said to thoboysthat he , r , . . . , , ■ .
. . i nree mmiBters sal in the p ulpit of a
{juissi'il lie ti see it out now—mijjnt as , , , o i r r ,
,i , , , , , 1 i(.tsbur{j church ou a buuduy recently
well he killed tor a sheep as a iamb — | , . .. _t._ e ..
I""l :>!! Va,ikh-d. The iudicator having
uid hin; ilu' ux rut situatii'M of tfiinijs, t
he kn ws jus. what to do. and that is
ii"thui_'. hut pel into bi d al once and
wrap 1 lie il.njurv of his couch about
him. pu l tl.e pillow over his ears and
wait I,,, his wife's b.eath to L'ive out
It’s awful while it lasts, but it lias ius
ii-e in reliving the unlhrmnate husband’s
mind 'if part nf i'i load
The indie.iter is a {jreat invention, and
ne family should be without one For
sale at all stores where they are kept
John (Jilplu anil Ella Stanforu.
.Fihti t, opm was thin, callow and I
aw/, wani ; Flla stanfird, bonnie, buxom
and liivuie TIu'V wor/rud on t.eiehbar-
iu{j lat'U.s at .Middletown, (' .nr, , ami
one day they went h-lore th** ’s(|u.re I
and were martied 1 ho text thin" on I
the proaramme was the wedditiu tour j
Neither had money. liolh liad {joml
stout dh"us Keepnifj exeelletit step as I
h 'th hearts heat at one. they bi t out to I let y
Il'U l
k rising youog art.st who ,s one of the
workers in said church, walked bravely
to the pulpit before service an4 gave
one of the ministers a notice to read be-
loic benediction. The services were
about being closed when the young ar
list went forward to remind the minister
that he must not forget the notice ot the
temperance n. uting down tiwu. The
minister bugged pardon fur his remiss,
ness, took the slip of paper from his vest
pocket, read it, looked dajed, rubbed his
eyes, thou smiled i'heu he pissed it to
a biuthur minister, lie smiled. Then
he passed it to the minister, and he
smiled. Then N" 1 remarked that he
would like to speak advanced to the pul
pit, received M e notice, finked at it,
colored very tu.!. an I looked as though
he v/.iuld like to jump through the win
.low He had given the minister a no
tiee ol a tempi ranee muutin ; which read
something like this •
!• 1.Ml ■l.rllN : I am go sorry 1 cau’t
u eoine to see me as frequently as
| ud irksome then by the many changes of
animals I had to make—different n^‘m-
| bers supplying a horse for a month-—
and the piuch mud am) rare through
which l had to go. The winter, was
giving way to Spring's iniueoce All
nature telt it. while t rejoic^iti it aa o@t
or before or since J w^- ItWiag in a
lane on the Groeo vv.d e?i*cuit, when I
saw the first violets and heard the first
birds of that Spring. Yielding to the
joy ol the moment, 1 said aloud :
The wil I Sowers are springing, springing,
Freeh joys to bring ;
The w ild birds are singing, singing,
Harbingers of tipring !
March haj gouo whistling by. I saw
a regular ‘sand storm,’ during our
boisterous month. The wind blew stead
ily and strong all night and all the next
I day. In the morning 1 walked up to
Outer )'ema|e College, It stands on a
high hill. As I reached the top of the
lull, 1 could alim-st lie sideways on the
wind I could nut walk in gn upright
position From ibis hill-top there is an
extensive view of the Missouri river and
beyond. As 1 came out 1 found the
view all hid by a heavy cloud. All that
afternoon there was a dull, dunnish as
pect. The sun shone very feebly—as if
it was eclipsed, reminding one el the to
tal eclipse iu 1870. The wild appear
ance was caused by immense clouds of
sand lifted up by the wiuds^in the plain*
four ana five hundred miles away, and
swept along till ihty reached even here
and farther east This wa» said to bo ihe
farthest cast one of these sand storms
was ever known to (ravel, dying out,
generally, before they reach Missouri,
Hut March has blown itself away, and
here is April, with its tears and smiles,
under whose genial influence the grass
and buds are awaking. The peach trees
are just in bloom, immense quantities
of apples am grown here and shipped
West.
The Lexington Jlistrict Conference is
just over. It embraced March 31st
and April 2nd. The District Conference
is goner lly held ‘.n the middle of the
week- it w, if any ol the preacho stay
ing to enjoy Sunday's rer Jiees In go
ing to and from Warensburg, the seat of
the Lexington District Conference, I
had my first view of an immense prairie.
How vast aud open ! Ijetweeu Lexing
ton and Sedalia is some of the finest
farming country in the State, if not in
the world. Iknutifql in its undulation,
and varied with its green fields of wheat,
and dark, newly broken ground I found
myscll thinking of what Uncle Tom
would say, iu looking at such a skillful
farming on such exquFito farms VYar-
retisburg is west of iedalia, and is noted
for its blue sand otonu quarries and its
free Normal school. The latter i« a large
and handsome building, with between
four or five hundred pupils [lerp I saw
for the first time ou a large scale the co
education of the sexes, i took great
pleasure iu visiting the school, seeiog
and hearing a good deal in favor ant) in
opposition to co education. Whut'aBea
of upturned faces,’ as I stood up to open
the day’s work with a Ijible lesson aud
prayer Large quantities of stone are
shipped to dilfei ent parts of the State and
also beyond its borders A Isy delegate
buggy to see the
an ex-Coufederato
soldier—hud mingled in camp life with
the Adgers, F.lltsons, Martins, of South
Carolina So we were friendg. But
jUCt to think — jn the latp war—cow a
successful stock farmer, aud—nvt Wtr-
ried. 1 told him. if l were not in a glass
house. I would read him a lecture. The
stone in these quarries is drilled out by
stcam Every stroke of the drill cuts ao
inch deep and three inches long. There
seems to be uo end to the stone. Occa
sionally in drilling they come to a place
so hard it has to be blasted Other
wise, drills easily. These hard places
aro galled hy the miners 'Nigger-heads ’
The same term is used for dertain hard
places in the coal mines. >1 he color in
the latter suits the term r, but both
are a reflection on Sambo’s skull.
Guo. Wms Walker.
bi ,i rnytuii, il / , April 5, 1880.
Trwt.'i Worst ol All.
an who said be was trying to get
l*<Dooey to reach Toledo,yesterday
entered an an office on Gri-wold street
and told his story and added that his
name was Caesar.
‘Any relation to Julius or Augustus?’
(jugrried the citizen,
'Well, no, 1 want (o be aQ( ^
square about this thing, I tell yofc hoo
estly_that I am not related to either ’
‘Then, I can’t help you ary, you are
nothing but a commow sort of plug, and
it won’t make any 4l§«y;nce whether
‘yow a«k get to Toledo or wot. If you
were rrt^teef to the great Jul'uis I »h ogld
feel duty bonnd to help you.
The roan backed out without another
word, and entering the office next door
he waited up to the occupant with (he
remart:
'My name it Caesar and I am closely
related to Juliua and Augustus Can
you spare me teu cents to help me get
to Toledo ?’
Sir, you are a base deceiver!’ replied
the other. ‘You are no more related to
the Cgtsurs than I am ! Had you come
in here and told roe a straight truthful
story l should have given you a quarter!
Y T ou cao go, sir !’
The mao went, and he determined to
tell the truth. Halting the first mao
that came along, he said :
•1 have been telling folds that my
name was Capsar. and that I was trying
to collect money enough to ta&e roe to
Toledo. Now, the real truth of the mat
ter is that l am oamed ClarC-, and I
wanted the money to buy whisCey. That’s
the solemn truth, and can you help me
with ten opnts?'
‘Ten cents! ‘Why you base liar and
deceiver, I’ll hand you over to (he po
lice !’ exclaimed the other
T’ve told you the truth !’
‘And it’s enough to send you up for
six months! Don't you dare asC me for
money
took me out iu his
juarries. Ho was
4 Ijoulglana Storm.
' 1 he storm fell like a burst of infernal
' applause A whiff like fifty witches
wal/, to Woodbury to vi-it .luhnV old
to/,'-. \\ to!ou-lay night found them on
the ro.d piuhing on through the snow
Ml da) I liursilay they pressed on. and
night lull they stopped at a htlle inn hy
Hie roadside. John was very much (go hack ou Lent. I shall see you olten-
u-ed up on Friday because of iho long | er, I Imp,', when the holy season has
ual/, hut lida lent him 4 shoulder, and i gone where the woodbine twinoth.
Y ours, with friendship,
That noli; " was omitted.
tut pip 1 and iiiainma think 1
ought to rnvivu ovun my dear friends
during the Lenten season It's awfullv
d'sacrueahle ;l mu positively cruel, but ! Grow-Eh ere was a
then V I. know We Episcopalians eat.T wlnll . ....J t |, c fl.W
uk on ‘ ' "
Twenty fivo thou.-amf quailj are bein^r
iinporlctl from FnjIauJ iu ho *" r at lib-
“m v iu IVnnsvlvtiQi i
& • (ho wo Lime t llir was ootitinuod As
the two approacht'd within lour or five
tilth's ofWitodbury. John ^avo out. and
per.--" 11.' who /and-v uN/ced whuL was the
inattcr heard only from Flla a request
l - h-irr-'W a wheelbarrow At
a borniL' farmer learnei
I pedestrians had just been married, lit
I lent them abarr -w.and tenderly pl ieiu^
the ^room in (his the bride wheeled him
in (iiumph f-i the old folk in Woodbury.
1 V | VL ,•/</.
relieved hy ta/jttj^ the
me Speedy in io ac-
Suflerers, read this; — IT you are at-
ict-’d with ururaL'ia or headache, you
ifet. when 1 vatj be speedily
that the ! Specific Neural
tloti. entirely free from opium mid other
narcotics, u r-unmends itself m bein^ as
innocent as etluionl.
Hi nt, Nankin A Lamar,
Wh-d esile Agents, At anta
A whiff like
flo.iie! up the canvass curtain of the
^ I gallery and a fierce black cloud, draw
ing the uuioii under its cloak, belched
lorlb a stream of fire that seemed to flood
the ground; a peal of thunder followed
ns il the sky had fallen in, the house
j quivered, the great oaks groaned, and
every lesser thing bowed down before
the awful blast. Every lip held its
breath lor a in nute—or an hour, no one
sudden lull of the
came down Ijave
you heard it thunder and rain in those
Louisiana lowlands 1 Every clap seems
to crack the World D has rained a
'iioment : you peer througli the black
[■line—your house is ay island, all tfie
land is .-ea. — Srrilnt r.
The tramp sat down on a C"ld Stone
block, took his last chew of tobacco, aud
mused :
‘Eve lied aud I’ve told the truth.
I ve told the truth and I’ve lied. I
made as much one v, ay as the other, and
nothing out of either. Looks now as if
I’d got to play deaf and mute or go to
work!’
An Ordinary Home Transactiui).
This is what the painters call ‘an in
ter.or.’ Lading .he other d“J on a Ifttle
business with a gentleman at his house,
in the course of which the gentleman
needed some change for a note, he cried
out to his wife up stairs Have you any
change ?' The answer came from above,
‘Y’es, in the purse.’ Then a silence of
some length, ‘Where's yoqr purse?’said
the patient gentleman, at last ‘-Q11 the
mantel-piece.’ 4fter rummaging among
old letters, then in a jar, containing a
corn-cob pipe, a card of buttons, sticks
of broken sealing-wax and two or three
vials of homeopathic medicine, the bus
band gently remarked, ‘It isn’t here.’
Tt must be. If it isn’t there I don't
know where it is.’
‘Ferhaps it is on the bath-tub 'or in
the attic,’ said he, by way of assisting
her memory.
‘O, I know,’ said she triumphantly
‘It’s io my work-basket ’
‘Where’s the work basket ?'
T don’t know ; ask Sarah '
Sarah, the house-maid, on being cross-
.xamined answered that it was up stairs
in the sewing machine cover. The sew-
iog machine cover was foonfl to be full
of cotton, silk scrape, buttons aud other
paraphernalia for the construction of a
dress Finally the work basket was dis
covered on the ottoman, but no pocket-
book.
O, I know,' said the perseveping
dame ; ‘it’s io the pocket of that dress I
took off last night.’
But the pocket book wag qot there.
Then followed a long consultation with
the servants.
‘Y'ou bad it yesterday afternoon when
you paid Smith that quarter.'
‘Let's see; where was that?’ said the
anxious wife T went into the hall af
ter my hat. No, my hat wasn't there ;
it was up in the bed poo®. ¥e» I O, 1
guess I put it into my white dress pock
et. Yes, Yes; here it ie ’
On being opened the pocket boojo was
found to contain two car tickets and a
postage stamp and the visitor came away
with his affairs still oneettled.
Honor from Europe. It is canccded
on all sides that Dr. Ayer’s pills are
above comparison with other medicines
Uniting the best elements ',-nown to the
chemist, they are particularly effeetive
against the numerous stomachic disur
ders for which they are recommended ns
a cure. These pills are so mild, yet
searohing, that they are often prescrib
ed by doctors who otherwise do not
favor patent medicines. Indeed, with
the fruits of Dr -dyer’s genius in the
shape of Dills, Sarsaparilla, Ague Cure,
and Cherry Pectoral, one might with
impunity travel thpuugh the swamps of
tropical America, or follow Stanley ou
his travels through the interior of Afri
ca,-— Amsterdam Niemcs \sun den Dag
1 know a Indy who had no ugly wart
on her nose removed by the use of Cons-
sens Lightning Liniment For corps
and bun in- )t is tip tup. Use it for
rheumatism and sorethruat also and bo
cured. For sale hv Dr John Boyd,
A Losing Job.
A prominent physician of Pittsburg
sr.id jokingly to a lady patient who was
couipUining of her continued ill health,
and of hia inability to cure her. ‘try Hop
Bitters I’ The lady took it in earnest
and used the Bitters, from which she
obtained permanent health She now
iaughs at the doctor for his juke, but he
A Good Husbnnd.
‘Nothing,’ said a sweet smiling, joyfu)
woman iu a domestic circ'e, ‘adds s-j
much |u my happiness as a kind luck oj
a kind act Irum my husband. Oh, boty
charming after a hard day’s tojl at the
wash tub or in cooking over a hot fire
for the baryest haods, or io the die-,
ch rge of any other domestic duty, or.
after a sleepless night with a sick babe,
is a kind word, or a smile even, from the
husband and father.'
H usbaods. if you ace defects, or thingg
which you wish were not so, in you*
wives, try kindness and aye if )hat don’(
d^tbem more good than all the Onkioi)
words aud cross looks Jog. ftyer gave
them.
T often think,’ continued this happy
wife, T have the best husband in the
world. He is good aud kind to me iq
sickness and in health, ip joy and tn sor
row Wc are happier than when ws
were married, nearly twenty years ago,
He never acolds me, nor brings a long
catalogue of complaints against me, buf
comes in from bis daily labor jo a good
humor, with a smile on his lips, auc)
says, Now. Susana, you have donp
enough to day ; put up your worG’ Theq
he seizes little Nancy, and we si; dowq
side by side, and chat in the cool oven
log breeze.’ What woman in the worlt)
would not make such a husband a good
wife ?
Do you want health? Why will yq
die ? Death, or what is worse, is the
inevitable result of continued suspension
of the menstrual flow. It is a "onflitiop
which should not be trifled with. Im
mediate relief is the only safeguard
ngaiost constitutional ruin, jn al) pajes
of suppression, suspension or oiher ir
regularity of the -‘courses,’’ Bradfield's
Female Regulator is the only sure rem
edy It acts by giving tone to the ner
vous centers, improving the blood and
determining directly to the orgqns
menstruation. It is a legitimate's*^
scription, and the most intQlligeotffliy«
sicians use it Prepared by Df. J. Brad-
field. Atlanta, Ga. ?1 50 per bpltle. Sold
by Jonn A. Boyd, Daflington, S. 0.
Notasklha, Ai,a., July 7,1877.
Bradfield’s Female Regulator has beep
thoroughly tested by me in a great va
riety of cases, and I am fully convinced
that it is unrivaled for all class of di*r
eases which it claims to cure.
^iar )1 eow-2m J. 0. Hqussi, M. Jj.
Curious Prayer^.
‘There used to fie an old colored sig;
ter iu the borough of Franklin, Pa.’ tfip
tall, thin passenger says, ‘who was very
uoctious iu ‘pra r,’ and one time during
a revival season she got down on her
knees, waved her hands in the air, and
shouted, ‘Come down, O, sperrit of tfce
Mabpter: pump down, (J, good Ford,
com* right down thru dc rpof, aq’ r|(
pay fur de shingles !’
‘Lou remember,’ said the gad paggeq-
ger, ‘the good brother in Greenburg,
Indiana, who was called on to lead iq
prayer at some meeting, and epened hig
petition by saying : ‘Unaccustomed ag
we are to public speaking, Q Rord, and
being entirely unprepared, we vyill still
endeavor to make a fety rambling re
marks ’
‘And the Kansas preachpr,’ fbfl maq
on the wood box said, ‘that noble Pppp*
tiss tells abont, who referred in hig pray-:
er to the political condition of the coun :
try, during a very exciting canvass, and
added : ‘For the particulars and detail;
of which, 0, Lord, wc refer thpe tq thg
columns of the morning papers,’
The Missing Saw Mill.
The other day T G met an old frient)
who was formerly a prosperous young
lumberman up North, but whose bad
habits of drintcing resulted as they ofteq
do, though he lias since reformed ^qd ig
trying to do bettey.
‘How are you ?’ said T G
‘Pretty well, thauK you, but Eve jus)
beeq fo a doctor to haye fijm Iook at my
throat ?’
‘What’s t)ie matter?’
‘Well, the doc'or couldn't give mp
any eocourangcnient At least be
couldn’t fiod what I wanted him to Bud.’
‘What did you expect hiqi to find?’
‘V asKed him to Iook down my throaf
for'ihe saw tp*- 1 ! and farm that had gone
dew (f there-'
‘And did he see anything of it ?’
‘No, but he advised me if I ever got
another mill to run it by water — Detruft
Free Press
Cut offi Rig SweetliearPs Fingej:,
A young man, cletK in a grocery
in Atlaqta, the other day was yery qmi t)
excited by receiving a visit from Fir
lady love at his place ol busioesa. The
twain soon were engaged in earnest con*
versation, aud she thoughtlessly placed
her finger beneath the instrument used
for cutting ofl' tobaccq, aud Known ag
the euillotino. About this time bo der
sired to give eQqjliagis to a rernarK bp
he was malting and gtrucK the tob-Opq
cutter a terrific blow, which had ffip
effect of sovereign the young lady’*
finger gt the first joint. She did *ot
yell nor faint, but quietly reinarKcd to
the yoqng man that he had cqt off her
‘sewing finger,’ thereby delicately hint-
inq that he nad deprived her of her
chief means of gaining a gubsitteuofi.
All of which comes of maKmg love in a
grocery store
‘Ffillnw-trahlers,’ said a ‘pullqd’
preacher, 'ef I been eatin »pple 8
for weeK, an den Iook to dripK'n * r
a monf, I couldn’t feel more swelled tip
1 Darlington. !> 1 ’
mar! !-eow Tr.v tri' t.
is not so well pleased with it, as it cost I flan ) am dis minnit wid pride and wan-
him a good patient —Harrishu,g Pn [ nity at epeing such a full tendance if
at seeing
(Fs eu nin,’