I. ArtMI« for publication should be
written |n e clear, legible hand, and on
eal j one ride of the page:
4, AH abangee hi adrertiaemeaU must
rack bs on FrUdf.
VOL. VII. NO. 39.
BARNWELL C. H.. 8. C., THURSDAY. MAY 29, 1884.
12.00 s Ye&r.
gobUoathu, bit aee gaanstf «t goad
Aidraa,. TOXPI0FL*
CL&&S.
THE CHUHCHYARD BY THE SEA.
A KXltOKT.
Across the waste of years I see
One spot forever soft and green
Which, shrined within my memory.
In evening glow or morning sheen,
Tells of the golden vanished years,
When smiles came oftener far than tears.
A churchyard by the restless sea,
Where in deep, calm and dreamless sleep,
Hie Dead lay resting peacefully,
Unheeding the tempestuous deep;
Careless alike of son and breeze,
Or ebbing of those changeful seas.
And oft when shipwreck sad despair
Came to th« little sea-boat town,
Pale women, with disheveled hair,
To the wild shore went harrying down,
And tenderly dead eyes wonld close,
And smooth dead limbs for long repose.
Full many a weary, storm-tossed wight.
Year after year, in quiet was laid,
Safe from the blustering storms of nigh‘
In this green spot and undismayed,
Slept close beside the breakers’ roar,
Whose wrath should mar his rest no more.
And over each low-sleeping head,
Where thymy turf grew green and soft,
The wild bee hummed, and rosy-red
The brier-flower bloomed, and np aloft
The fleecy clouds went drifting by
Like shades, across the summer sky.
And ever as the years go by,
And one by one old memories creep
r From ont the sweet past solemn iv,
I seem to see, beside the deep,
Hist little, lonely, silent spot,
With many a childish dream enwronght.
— Chamhert't Journal.
A Lover’s Dilemma.
HOW ms TOOK THK BREAD OCT or THE
MOCTHj or A BAKER S COSTOMERS.
Translated from the French for the Pbila. ('all
Ponparlin-en-Bigarrau was by all odds
the most wearisome town in the whole
department of the Garonne-Inferieure.
Among its 8,500 inhabitants it con
tained only eight pretty girls, a fact
that disgusted all the yonng men living
within its limits.
One of these eight pretty girls was
Berthe, daughter of M. Agenor Maleu-
frond, one of the two rival bakcra of the
town. Berthe was sweet 16, and would
have bad plenty of adorers had not her
father pitilessly driven away all the
young men who had ever ventured to
pay her even the slightest attention. M.
Malenfrond had amassed considerable
money, and did not wish his daughter
to become the wile of a gallant without
s son.
Stanislas Coquelard, the town notary's
youthful clerk, was gifted with a senti
mental son]. He had just reached that
age when the heart opens to love as the
corolla of a flower to the kisaea of the
breeae. Stanislas thought that Pou-
parlin ahould furnish him with other
happiness than contemplating the bmsul
meadows during the day and listening to
the song of the nightingales daring the
night
It was toward the dose of April, and,
while he conscientiously copied the no
tary’s documents, the young clerk
thonght of the charming Berthe, and
wondered what he could do to get into
the good graces of her hard-hearted
father, who, by the way, was a widower.
Stanialas had read in the young girl's
eyes that she was dissatisfied with her
lot, and firmly believed that she wonld
not be averse to accepting his heart and
hand if ever he got an opportunity to
offer them to her.
Stanislas Ooquelard was twenty, and
had abundant faith in the belief that his
time would oome.
The notary’s house was situated oppo
site the bakery, and occasionally the
clerk had exchanged through the win
dows more than one fortive glance with
the pretty Berthe.
Every morning on his way to the no
tary’s, he stopped at the bakery and
bought a sou loaf of Berthe, as he paid
for it, he rolled his eyes after the fashion
of s young man who is desperately
smitten and intends that the object of
hia adoration shall know it
On her side, the baker's daughter was
far from regarding Stanislas in a way to
discourage him.
Such a state of things could not last
very long without prodneing the nsual
result
The baker made his bread during the
day, then went to bed and did not rise
until it was time to begin baking, to
ward half-past ten at night
One evening the clerk, taking advan
tage of the moment when M. Malen
frond was still slumbering while await
ing the boor at which his nocturnal toil
was to commence, fell at Berthe’s feet
and began a speech, to which he added
the most expressive pantomime. He
ended by asking her to marry him.
Berthe, nunaed to snob masculine elo
quence, wee melted, and in a low voice
ooneented to unite her deetiny to hie.
Stanislas, greatly affected, kieeed Ber
the several times so enthueieetkelly that
he awakened M. Malenfrond, who elept
in a chamber over the beck shop.
The baker listened, end thought he
recognised the hand of hie apprentice
who"had been dek for e week. Omr
joyed, he leaped out of bed, erying;
“Waits little, my boy, and XU kelp
you kneed the breed 1 Yu coming
doveT -
There wee not a second to be lost,
Berthe, who had a good head, extin
guished the lamp and whispered to thr
terrified Stanislas:
‘‘Hide yourself quickly in that chest
over there and don’t be afraid. Til take
care of everything I"
Ooquelard followed her recommenda
tion and felt his way along the wall in
the direction Berthe had indicated with
a rapid gesture. In the darkness he
missed the chest'but encountered the
dough trough; he felt s lid beneath his
fingers, lifted it, and, as nimbly as a
squirrel in danger, leaped into the box.
He came down amid the dough with a
thud, but he had the presence of mind to
draw the lid over him.
At that moment the baker entered the
Apartment.
"Saoreblen I” growled he, "there is no
light here 1”
Berthe instantly replied:
"It's the fault of this wretched lamp. 1
tried to turn up the wick, but it went
ont. That lazy Nicole most have for
gotten to put oil in it I”
A two minutes’ search ensued; then
came the scratching of matches, and the
lamp was lighted again.
"What I” exclaimed M. Malenfrond,
"are you alone ? Why, I thought I heard
some one a kneading a little while ago !”
"You had the nightmare, father 1"
answered the daughter, soothingly.
"Why, who on earth could be here?
Gervais, our apprentice, is still sick and
won’t be ont of bed for a week to oome.”
"Then I didn't hear right. But now
I’m up I’ll go to work I”
And the baker, robbing his hrnds to
get them in working trim, went to the
dough trough and raised the lid.
At that moment a great clammy hand
arose from the depths of a box, hnrling
fragments of soft dough in every direc
tion. "What’s that—what’s that?” ex
claimed M. Malenfrond, drawing hack a
couple of paces. "Who the deuce is in
the dough ”
He did not finish. An enormous
plaster of dough was applied to his face
with a splash, cutting short his excla
mations and blinding him at the same
time.
The baker was conscientiona in the
exercise of his trade. His dough was
well kneaded, and, though he made
tremendous efforts to scrape the plaster
from hia visage, two or two minutes
elapsed before he was able to open his
eyes and speak.
During the whole of this scene,
Berthe, paralysed with astonishment,
had not stirred.
When her father had succeeded, un
aided, in ridding himself of his plaster,
•he recovered her senses and began to
cry:
"Oh, mon Dien !” it must be a rob
ber 1”
"Ah, the scoundrel 1” groaned poor
Malenfrond. "Where is he, that I may
knock him down I” ^
And, all sticky as he was, he rushed
to the dough-trough.
It was empty, and empty in every
sense. Stanislas in his flight had
dragged off on his person all the baker’s
dough. He had left in the bottom of
the box only his shoes, that would have
bothered him in running.
"Oaf I” cried the nnfortauate baker.
"The thief 1 .1 cannot bake to-night
He has taken the bread out of the
months of more than ten families I”
During this time the clerk, all covered
with dough, hastened ss well as he could
toward the shop of the other baker,
which was not far away.
The latter received this farinaceous
mass with the greater affability, as he
brought with him fifteen or eighteen
livres of dough. He scraped the clerk
so conscientiously that the next day
some of the inhabitants of the town
found in their loaves, one a plug of
tobacco, another a porte-monnaie con
taining eighteen sous, a third a pocket-
handkerchief and a bunch of keys.
The luckiest had for his share a sheet
of stamped paper.
This worked against M. Maienfrond’s
rival, who, accused of inattention to
business, lost s part of his customers,
thus once again proving that wrongly-
acquired property never benefits any
one.
A few weeks afterward Stanislas ven
tured to ask M. Malenfrond for his
daughter’s hand. As the clerk bed re
ceived a legacy of a few thousand francs,
the baker gave his consent, and even
took him into partnership in the bakery
shortly after his marriage with Berthe
had been duly celebrated.
As for M» Xalemfrond, he was kept in
strict ignorance of the real nature of the
episode <ri the dough-trough, and hr
■ever afterward went to bad without
having first osattoned Me daughter to be
on the watch for robbers,
'Ton sea, Berthe,” ho often said to
her, "it is not enough to keep sneyeon
the shop, the dough-trough moat also
bs watehad, ^ lor that then's nothing
like the eya ofthe master or that of the
lady who is learning marie
that flrit is a good diah
who writs storks, sta, and
what would ha a proper
0 person aMrfaw omria Ws
NOTES AND COMMENTS.
Baron Nordenskjold, it is said, is
contemplating a voyage next year to the
South Polar regions. The expedition is
to cost pi,000,000.
The New York florists make up
small flowers into slippers. A pair soled
with velvet and lined with satin may be
bought for the moderate sum of $50.
An Enolish journal bats that if the
emigration of young Irish couples to
America continues the population of
Ireland will eventually fall to three mil
lions.
The official statistics of Canadian
railroads for 1888 show 1,275 miles built;
$33,244,585 the gross revenue; 169 per
sons killed, and 550 persons injured dur
ing the year.
In Warsaw, Wyoming County, N. Y.,
there are eight salt wells. Solid salt
is fonnd at a distance from the surface
of from 1,600 to 1,800 feet The beds
are about 90 feet thick.
Mr. Seymour, of the Batter, Cheese
and Egg Exchange, says that some of
the best families of New York have
abandoned the use of butter because of
their distrust of its purity.
In the South, cotton mills are on
the increase. Sinoe Jan. 1 100,000
spindles have been added, and the mills
recently opened or in course of construe
tion sre worth over $3,250,000.
Cincinnati has penned up in her jail
thirty homicides, seventeen out ou bail
accused of the same crime, and twenty
more roaming at will from having slipped
through the legal nooee that justly claims
them.
A bill has been introduced in the
Legislature of Massachusetts which pro
hibits the exhibition of deformed per
sons who are minors or insane, and of
persona who have an appearance of de
formity produced by artificial means.
The Isthmus of Corinth, now under
consideration, will, it is said, be sorely
completed by 1887. The canal, 120
miles in length, will unite the Ionian
and iEgean Bess, and save the voyage
of 120 miles round the Cape of Matapan.
The Carteb family is to have a re
union in Woburn, Mass.,on Wednesday,
June 11. The exercises will include an
address of welcome, with response, a
genealogical address, poem, orchestral
and vocal music, and after-dinner
speeches.
During the recent fighting in Egypt
Baker Pasha’s cheekbone was splintered
by a four-ounce iron bullet, wliioh was
so firmly fixed in the bone that it had to
be sawed out—a long and painful oper
ation—which was endured without any
ausasthetic.
The London Lancet informs a cor
respondent that “the poesibility, nay,
the certainty in many oases, of flies
being s medium of infection, especially
in warm climates, has been repeatedly
pointed ont, though perhaps not snffi-
<yeoUy borne in mind.”
A North Carolina man whose house
was demolished by a tornado afterward
found his wstch hanging on a small
limb «f a tree that had blown down in
the yard, the chain wrapped several
times around the limb. It was ticking
away as if nothing had happened.
Recent experiments conducted by
Professor Koenig, of Berlin, shows that,
within the range of the normal spectrum,
a healthy eye can perceive about 300
differences of color, and its color-sensi
tiveness ranges from more than one
down to 0.2 millionth of a millimetre.
Gen. butleb is mow said to have it in
mind to write a book of reminiscences.
A Boston publisher says that if he wonld
write a book in two volumes it wonld be
ensy to sell 250,000 copies through
agents. This,* at SQ^jOenta a volume,
would give the author a royalty of
$250,000.
Women at Sea,
The life which women lead on board
ship, says the Aquatic Monthly, is
usually a monotonous one. Their quar
ters are dose and their social opportuni
ties are quite limited. The captain’s wife
may tire of the society of her huabend
or of the constant care of her children.
If she wishes to go out to walk, she is
confined to the quarter-deck. A flirta
tion during her airing with one of the
mates or carpenter would be beneath her.
If she happens to be good-looking, the
vessel will constantly swing a few points
out of its coarse, for the man at the
wheel will keep his eye on her as long
ss she continues her promenade. She
may make an occasional excursion to the
forward part of the ship, but even in
that novelty she finds little to attract
her. A passing vessel arouses her inter
est, and a hurricane relieves, to a certain
extent, the monotony of her existence;
but these blessings do not come along
every day. She has no one to gossip
with but the stewardam, and they find
few matters of recent date which are
worth discussing at any great length.
The captain's wife may be as gay as she
riiMMa without pausing any scandal,
but, unfortunately, she baa very little to
stimulate whatever desire for geyety she
meypoMM. She has leeae adfundagm,
however, for she k able to kaeprih eye
on harhnsbsnd. How or where he spends
kk eveadnp k no mypkty te her.
DEATHS FROM TRICHINOSIS.
Terri He RmhIu Which FcllcwcS Eatlas
Haw Perk—Fear Uvea Le.t.
A letter from Loyalhanna, Pa., says:
—Two more of the seven persons who
ate a quantity of raw pork about six
weeks ago, died at the residence of Hans
Galle, near here. Four persons, all wo
men, have thus fallen victims to the first
authenticated cases of trichinosis in the
State of Pennsylvania.
About a year ago Christian Sohilitser,
his wife Emmeline and daughter Bessie,
Hans Galle, his wife Catherine and
daughter Marguerite and Edward Olap-
ter, a young friend of the Sehilitsera,
came to this country ss emigrants.
They settled in Columbia county, but
daring the recent floods in the Susque
hanna river their homes were inundated
and they lost a portion of what little
worldly goods they possessed. They
were very poor, and, crashed by this
misfortune, moved some wdeks sinoe to
a little hamlet near here. They had
nothing to eat, and made their wants
understood with extreme difficulty.
Among them they mustered enough
money to buy some meat, and it was de
cided they should hsve pork. Christian
Schilitzer accordingly came and pur
chased s fst pig. The animal was dressed
whole (according to the fashion in some
parts of Germany), garnished with raw
onions, red pepper and salt, but was not
cooked. A family feast ensned, of which
all the persons partook. One week after
ward Mrs. Schiliteor died, having for
several days suffered violent pains in the
stomach and curious creeping and sting
ing sensations in her limbs. A physi
cian was called in, but, it is said, did
not seem to understand the character of
the disease.
Mr. Schilitzer, however, who had
served in the Prussian army and
seen cases of trichinosis, suspected the
existence of this malsdy, and a piece of
flesh from one of his wife’s legs was
taken to Pittsbnrg for examination. An
anaylsis disclosed the presence of mil
lions of minnte pin shaped worms with
pointed heads, which had burroi^t in
all the tissues of the unfortunat^fcj-
man’s body. Mm. Schilitzer st length
died of strangulation, a mass of the
worms being found to have crawled into
her throat and stopped it up.
In the meantime all the others who
ate of the pig had been prostrated.
Christian Schilitzer, Hans Galle and
another daughter, younger than Mar
guerite, are not now expected to re-
cover. They suffer terribly, and Schilit-
zer’s arms have been eaten away until
only a thread of the muscles remains.
The Real Truth.
The London Truth sums up the
Egyptian question in the following way:
"Hie real troth in regard to our interfer
ence in Egypt is that we went there for
the bondholders, that we have remained
for the bondholders, and that every
effort is being made to foroe ns to remain
for the bondholders. We have no
European mandate, we are fulfilling no
civilizing mission, and as a country, we
should be loners rather than gainers were
Egypt made over to ns to-morrow as a
free gift. Europe is not sorry to see us
weaken ourselves, and does not object
to our drawing the oheetnnts out of the
fire for others. The Egyptians dis
like os because we are Westerns and
Christians, whist they are Easterns and
Mahometans. We are in precisely the
same fix as was Austria in Lombardy.
If we establish any form of representa
tive government that is a reality and not
a sham, the first nse that will be made
of it will be to bow us out of the country,
bag and baggage. A certain number of
wealthy and powerful persons who have
already made millions out of the Egyp
tian fleshpots wish to make a few mil
lion* more. 'Unified at 80' is their cry.
For this we have spent nearly five mil
lion* of our money—for this we are
called upon to undertake compromising
responsibilities, and to act as taskmasters
over the fellahs. Yea, 'Unified at 80’—
this is, in plain words, our civilising mis
sion. All the reel k shuffling and sub
terfuge, trickery and dap-trap. It k to
the credit of the Prime Minister that he
is one of the few who perceive this."
Old Soldiers.
Grant always talks with a cigar in
his month; Sherman never does. He
lays it down somewhere wheh he starts
to make a remark, forgets where he
p&t it, and lights a fresh one when he
has finished what he wanted to say.
The result is that hia desk or the furni
ture around the room in which be hap
pens to be smoking, k usually loaded
with several half-consumed stubs. At
his headquarters, whan he was in Wash
ington, it was generally the ease that
these stubs were to be found in every
room that he frequented, end the stuff
officers called than "Sherman’s old
soldiers.”
A Plain Funxeal.—"I want you to
promise me one thing,” said the kte
Augustas SahoD, of Hew York, to his
two brothers, Edward sad Bobert, two
days baton ho died, “that k that whan
I dk you will hevw no Bstsuktfcus fn-
oeraL Oho ase a afcqffo burial, sad
don’t let theoe ha any iiB»$Nh floral
dhplay.” Thf tstthara pfeutfftad to do
BURDETTE POINTS A MORAL.
Th« Hawhirya H amortac Tails si a Dec Thai
Wsat #MaaS Lsst Hitssll.
On the Western farm where much of
the rammer time of my life waa passed
we had a dog. There being two or three
boys on the farm, we had seven or eight
dogs, as a matter of fact, bnt there was
one particular dog, with whose tail I
desire to point a moral He was a hun
ter. Morning after morning, rammer
and winter, he went forth to hunt. Night
after night he came back home, his
hair full of burs, his feet covered with
* tone-bruises, and his ears pendent with
wood-ticks. For seven long years that
dog lived on the farm. He gnawed not
the bone of idlonees, neither was he wise
in the conceit of the sluggard, because
in all those seven jeon he hunted all the
time, seven days a week. But, alas!
like the. slothful, he "roasted ifot that
betook in hunting” (Prov. xii,, 27). Be
cause he never found anything. Not one
single, lone, solitary, lost thing did he
find in all those seven years’ hunting.
Never found a thing. But we kept him,
because we believed, indeed we knew,
that the dog’s intentions were good. He
meant well. Every morning as he went
forth, happy and confident, he hoped to
find something and bring it home with
him joyous and triumphant But never
did. And at last one keen, dear,
bracing November day, he went down
in the ferny glens and lost himself. We
never heard that he died; nobody ever
saw him or heard anything of him
again; his bark came back no more; he
was just lost; he had wrapped the
drapery of the unknowable about him
and joined the innumerable caravan of
intangible things he had been hunting
for yean. The moral of this passage is
self-evident There are men, even in
your own circle of acquaintance, who
hnnt all their livee and never find any
thing. They take the CongrtMUmal
Record for its jokes and read the Nation
for political instruction. He goes to the
minstrel show for amusement and reads
the Washington papers for news. He
goes to a summer boarding-houae to get
cool and takes a vacation that he may
reet He goes to the country for cream
and fresh eggs and keeps a hone to
save street-car fare. In all this he doeth
foolishly. He hunts well enough but
not wisely. Yon must know, my boy,
before yon go banting, where to hunt
for what yon want You might go deer
stalking all over Coney Island for twenty
yean and never bring home a pair of
branching antlers to hang in the ances
tral halls of the flat in which you live
He Nearly Lost kls Pocket-book.
"Tuesday I was down town,” rays
the bed boy, "and an old farmer was
walking along in front of me, and l saw
him drop his pocket-book on the side
walk. I yelled to him and pointed to
the pocket-book, and told him he
dropped it, but he told me to go to the
hot place. It was April fool day, and he
thought I wae fooling him, and be went
ou laughing, as much as to say no town
boy could play any jokes on your uncle
Ike. WeU, I picked np the pocket-
book, and it was a fat cue, and I fol
lowed the old farmer, and pulled hia
coat and told him here woe his pocket-
book, but he hit me side of the jaw>nd
said to go away or he would maul me.
I never felt so mean sinoe my girl went
back on me, but I didn’t want to keep
the old man's pocket-book, and I didn’t
want to be killed trying to deliver it to
the owner. So I ran ahead of him and
stopped and opened the pocket-book, and
when he eame up I took out a roll of
bills as big as my wrist, and showed
them to him, and asked him if he knew
whose pocket-book it was. What do
you think the old granger did ? He took
the pocket-book with one hand and took
me by the neek with the other, and
called me a thief, and said I ought to go
to State prison, and he took me into a
stairway and set me down and stood on
my eoat tail so I could not get away, and
kept me until he counted all the money
in the wallet, ousain’ me between every
ten dollars he counted, and when he
found it wae all there, be put the wallet
inside hia shirt and gave me a lecture
about boys growing up to be thieves,
end finally he gave me this lead, nickle,
took his foot off my coat-tail and let
me go, and then tried to kick me as I
ran away. I don't think that wae right
Only for me he would have lost hie wal
let and probably have gone crazy over
the lose.’
The CoBstltntion
Bobert Rodney, U. 8. N., would like
to have the Constitution amended so
that no ettissn oould own more than ten
mUttra doUan’ worth of property.
Mr. Bodney is afraid of owning
than tan mffltan *»i—ha
easily gfvn away hia svftaa wealth,
witbmt an smrnifainit. As lor the
reet of the people, there are compara
tively few of them who are troubled
that way, and when they me they will
maaige to get along under toe preeent
OoMbtotiOBf IfljJS HI
THE HUMOROUS PAPERS.
what the wane of the rw:
HAVE TO SAY THAT IE AMUEJNU.
A boy's POCKET.
Buckles, and buttons, and top, and
marbles and pieces of string, a screw
from a rusty old mop, and scraps of
a favorite sling. Slate pencils, and part
of a look, some matches and kernels of
corn, the wheels of a discarded cloak,
and remains of a mitten all torn. A
jack-knife or two, never sharp, acme
pieces of bright-e.lored glass, the rim
of an ancient jewa'-harp, pane, fish
hooks, and pieces of brass. Old nails,
"aweeties,” ohippinga of tin, with bits of
s battered-up locket All these, and
much more, are within the depths of
a little boy's pocket—7^ Continent.
AT THE STOCK EiqSAMOH
"I'll here to consult with a doctor
I’m not well"
"What is your trouble?"
"I sleep too much. As goon m 1
drink eight or ten glasses of beer, I can’t
keep my eyes open. I think I ought to
be bled.”
"I can tell you what will spars your
eyes, and keep them open. Just you
let me sell you, at par, for cash, a thou
sand shares of acme railroad stocks I’ve
got, and you win not be able to get a
wink of sleep as long as you have them
on your hands. What is riches without
health V'—Auetin Sifting».
HR DIDN’T FIGURE LIKE THAT.
A German tailor in a village in Canada
failed a few days ago and called a meet
ing of hia creditor*. An investigation
seemed to show that his liabiiitim were
$4,000, yri his assets $1,000.
"It thus appears,” said cue of the
creditors, "that you can pay 25 orata of
the dollar.”
"Yhell, I doan’ figure like dot,” re
plied the tailor.
"How do you figure?”
"Vhy, I pays feefty cents on dor dol
lar."
"Howoan you do that when your as
sets only allow one-fourth ?”
"Vbell, I prings the odder money
down from dar house."
He was not permitted to faff.
CONSOLING.
Mrs. Minks—"Who would have
thought that that lovely Mrs. Blank,
who was a bride only a few years ago
should now be suing for a divorce ?”
Mrs. Finks—"I do not blame her.
Her husband abused her terribly.”
Mrs. Minks—"Why, when they were
married her husband was just as devoted
as dear John is to me. I would die'if I
thought that in a few yearn he oeuld
change that way.”
Mr*. Finks—‘ Oh, don’t alarm your-
self, hi won’t”
Mrs. Minks—‘Ton ere sure, then ?’’
Mrs. Finks—"Oerteta. AH your
money is in your name. "—Phi ladelphim
Evening OnlL
WHAT IT CAUOnX.
Mrs. Bilkson—"I hope this, Mr. Bilk*
sou, will be e warning to you.”
Mr. Bilkson—"What are you talking
about, anyhow ?”
Mr*. Bilkson—"An Hern in this paper.
It says: *A man in Springfield, Me., be
ing invited to drink, poured out e glass
of whisky, looked at it a moment, and
then dropped deed.’ Now, just re
member that, Mr. Bilkson. the next
time you are asked to drink. It teaches
a terrible lesson.”
Hr. Bilkson—“Tee, indeed. Delays
are dangerous. ”—Evening Call.
OVBB, LONG AGO.
"How long have you been married,
Mm. Slowbody ?”
"Five yearn.”
"Five yearn? Why, yon ought to
have a wooden wedding.”
"Have,” replied Mrs. Slowbody,
glancing across at the meek figure of a
man trying to hide behind a newspaper,
"had that when I wae married.”—Air
ington Hawkey*.
AH BXPLAEATION.
"How far te it from the City Hall to
the Battery?” asked one New Yorker of
another.
"Aqoording to the city map it ia a
mile, but I’ve walked it and I find it
much longer.”
"I oan explain that dteorepanoy. The
city map does not go into every other
saloon between the too pleoee.—Ttesoi
StfUngt.
kb ernuun *r non.
"That’s my Knob over there,” eaM a
fart young loan to U% fart companion;
"we're pretty near brake and TO strike
him for a jrafee. He won't go back on
mat-*3tatyoa the drieke TO strike him
for a ten and get it."
The bp* wae made end the young
"■truck” hie urate. A 1
tion raeiifli FtaaBy lb
ratorned. Me frac finked
Two hot* tempered fMte from Bailie
were In Yorkvflle Pallas Ooeri
yesterday. Ora had stabbed the other
with a night key. The mm who did
the stabbing said, in extenuation of the
ftot* ■'
"He called me a flamin’ raokes.”
"What M ha did r said the Juattan
"Gill allow no man to call me that”
"Why not? What is a ■raker?”
"Sham, Oi don’t know.”
"How do you know but what it is
a oomplimentery term ?”
“It may be, ycr honor; but Motke
nivar mint it for a compliment.”
"Don’t you know that natives of the
great State of Illinois are ealled
suckers ?”
"Oi did not, bnt Oi do now. Ofm
•hare Moike niver mint to call me a
native av that place, for well be Know*
Oi’m from Tipperary. ”—N. Y. Sun.
UFU AMONG the
"My dear,” raid a Mormon wife to
her husband, "I ahould think tort yon
would be ashamed of yourself, flirting
with that Mia* B. as you did in ehureh
to-day."
"Firting with her?” he replied in
astoutehmral "Why we have been an*
gaged for more than three It’*
aU over town.”
"Oh, I beg your pardon,” *aid kte
wife indifhrratiy. "If you era engaged
to her, 1 suppose it te ell right When
dose the happy event oeeur V-PhUm ■
delphia Call.
dull rnon.
Canadian Hotel Keeper—"I don’t era
how we are to get along. The horae te
about empty, yet it te fanpomibie toi
duos expenses. Look over the.
oan papers tod see what the raws te,"
Hofei Clerk—"I have looked
them. There has not been a big dekd*
»tion in the United States for two
seeks.”
Canadian Hotel Keeper-"My aims f
wa will be ruined. I
timet to be ao dull"
tin couldn’t rand it.
"Why are yon home ao eariy T
a wife of bar hrabend. "Is the i
school exhibition ont ilready Y*
"No; not more than fed! ato»”he>e>
phtd,
"Why didn't yon stay to toe etraaf
Weren't you lufererted in the ringing?”
"I was until a sixteen year-old bey
attempted to ring 'Larboard Watch
Ahoy.' Then 1 thonght I would acme
homo, go to bed and try to forget aU
about tt.”
nr wawt cw
"(km yen give men tittle
Mount of y ova tote
"Hot X don't bdfeve lernttofe
ta*."
“Well, will you appofet a time
you oan? Yon
groat deal and
•Ifaojrit I am a hue fender.*
Trustee Pullback offered toe follow,
ing resolution:
"JfMofved, Dai when a pram bra
bis tried in dne form, eonvfefed by m
honest jury an’ sentenced to prfeauVy •
Judge m whom the people
denee, deertesiaalsbouldrt
his i
Ofoeadem Jenes moved that the roll
beeaUefl upon Ihavote, end fide bateg
SUaffigWaSteirae the only timw
irked m tmpeeing too rmolBtion.
'Dte imrirahun khan a subjeat of
feds people ejt l —
11
been prononneed. “A Bobber er am*
or detendfer or toief ir evun mar*
kin rit down with a pieoeMehalk
in one haa’an’a ahiagle in de adder
make oins flguim en die matter. JPe
murderer spikes hia victim to’ makes a
break. De pepern howl, d> defeetivue
rush an’ de pablie talk of tyrakfu*. If
he am art pfeked up right away dM'am
afaritada acta’de
'■*£-
Mm to trial When he am tried i
vieted dar 1 am a heap of sweet talk’beat
de majesty of the few. He gita, my,
Mtoen yfea ia prison. He orter ham
bin sent to kte, but it wae shown drt
he was drank, or Me gnmdfbddar wm
ot nfe great gmadmuddm had
alias aofed a feetfe queer. * Befo* a fm
baa paamd away somebody begfee to
pMj* b deaomw ef timer toe yimi
de proseenlia’attorney bagfes to oulmd,
"Mr dear bey, the
divided into eraape, the gsmhlea rad
the Opecutateen” "I donV exactly too
ttodritomra.* "XIV
ft «*!$■» to* tot t
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