pabHmtioa *o«M bt % Wl ? t< " A cta,r * le * lbli 4, AU 0hiDf(«a hi rack ua oa Friadr. A. YEARS WOOING. IVm •ntnmn when flrrt they atood on the bridge; Bipe peart on the pear tree, ripe corn on the rMR*; The a wallow* flew awiftly far np in the blue, And apeeding a till aouthward, were loat to the view. Said he: “Can yon lore me, aa ean lore yon ?” She said, quite demnredly : “Already I do !» ' I n a* winter when next they mot on the bridge; The pear treca wore brown, and white wee the ridge; v Ihe ewallowa were feathering their neata in Aigicra. She looked in hia face, and ahe burat into tcara! Hia noae it was pinched, and hie lipa they were , blue. i Said ahe: “I can’t lore yon!" Said he : “Nor I you!” 1 waa gprliig-timo when next they atood on the bridge. And white wag the pear tree and grcr r> waa the ridge; The gw allow a had though ta of a apeedy return, And tlie midgcra were dancing a-down the In own burn. He raid: 'Ti t tty maiden, let by grmaa go by— Can yon lore me again?*' Blje aaid : “lean try.’’ T* aa anmmer when next they atood on the bridge; There were penra on the pear tree, tall com on the ridge; Tlip awallowa wheeled round them, far np in the blue, Then ewooped down and mapped np a midgelet or twa - “ Said he: “Leat gome trifle ahnuld come in Uie way, And pait na again, will you mention the day?” flie ana d, looking down on the faat-flowiog ■ ill, Then anawerod, demnredly: “Aaaoon aa yon willi” * —Chovtbrrr'i Juhi htiL X>isguised. “Oharlen t Chnrlew! you won’t for get to meet my Anot Stephanie at the deiHit at twelve precisely !’’ , Mra. Early had followed her tall lirother-in-law to the front door stops, with the fresh wind blowing her bright hair about hor face, and a scarlet Shet land shawl drawn picturesquely round her delicate shoulders—a pretty women with something of matronly dignity sub duing the arch mischief that sparkled in her merry eyes. Mr. Charles Early waa a stalwart, handsome young man, with hlne eyes and fight brown hmr shadowing a fair, (*|>en forehead. It was a pleasant face to look into, with nothing of irresolution or rffeminacy alxrat it, and ooueeqneatly Charles Early had many friends—aye, and loyal ones, too, TTo turned around at the sound of his aister-in-law’s voice. Josephine was one of his most useful and constant allies. “No; I’ll not forgot, Josephine; but I'm sorrr her grandfathers and grand- mot In m in bsptism gave her the name of Stephanie. "Why?'* •• Because I know a Stephanie; the prettiest fairy yon ever saw I It was when wc were all at Woolgrove Beach Inst month—and—if you’ll promise not to toil my solier brother, Bob, TO con- lido to you a momentous secret, Joseph ine. Have I your pledge of secrecy ?” "I promise.” "Well, then, 1 lost my heart to that fwnnlifui little Btephanie, ■ with her (lossy, yellow curls, and , her rose- month with its tiny pearls of teeth, and her pink and white complexion, just like your great oleander in the drawing room.” "Did yon propose to her, Charlie?” questioned his sister in-law, with all the eager earnestness of a woman’* curi osity. "Not jnst then, but— another secret, Josephinev-I proposed by letter, day before yesterday!" "And yon have received no answar?” “Not yet; i suppose it is too aoon; tint I'm on thorns and nettles until one doc* reach mo. Josephine, if she don’t have mo, HI drown myself l” x “No, Charles, yon won’t I ^hat ab surd nonsense! ’ " Then I’ll do worse; I’ll subside into a ore; n grained, fidgety okl bachelor, grumbling incessantly at everything and everybody for all the rest of my natural days; just see if I don’t.” "Charles, you’re a goose.” "80 are all young men who have the misfortune to fail ih lore. It's their normal condition. What time do yon say the train arrivea? Twelve? I shall have to get s' carriage, I suppose, to transfer the rheumatiey old lady here without any breakage of bones. Doer she walk with a gold-headed sane ?” 'Tee, and ahe wean a wig and spec- CTolee, and talks throqgh bar noae, sad takes snuff from a tortoise-shell box." " ‘Angela and ministers of grace de fend us!’ Josephine, how did you ever come to have noli an aunt ? and how did her name happen to be Btephanie, instead of Dorcas or Tryphoaa T n "We need to call her 'Annt Feny,’ for abort,” said Mrs. Early, miachievonaly, and her brother-in-law strode down the street, whistling, bat not fw the lack of thought, aa he weak "I with Aunt Feny waa in the Bed Sea, he thought, a little vindictively; “but I suppose I must oblige Josephine. ” So at 12 o’clock preriaelg Mr. Charles Early stood on the platform at the H depot watohiog the long train VOL. VII. NO. 37. hag, Charlie,” said Guy St. Evert, with a laugh, aa- a brisk but somewhat bent figure, wrapped from head to foot in a voluminous cloak of snnff-oolored bom bazine, with * bog® circular cape of the same, stepped out of one of the last oara by the aid of an iron-hendod cane. Her bonnet, cqriouely bent and crumpled, barely coveted a huge, frilled cap. She wore a bright brown wig, set a little awry over her forehead, and massive green spectacles sat astride of her nose, while brown cotton gloves adorned her hands, and a green umbrella, carried under the arm, threatened, with its brass ferule, the eyes of whoever was rash enough to crowd her movements in the rear. "Aunt Fony’s self, os I live and breathe I” echoed Bruce Montmartin. "Charlie, if I were yoW I’d run for it f” "Drop her in the gutter and make off with yourself,” suggested another young exquisite, superciliously stroking down bis mustache. But Charles Early had too many gen tlemanly instincts to pay any hoed to the waggish hints of his companions. He stepped forward, chivalrously. "Allow me to carry your basket for you, ma’um? ’ he saiil. “I am the brother-in-law of your nicoe, i^ni. Early.” "Oh, yon be, eh?” croaked a feeble voice, from under the cap frill. "Well, you may take my umbril and my basket, aud here’s a’ piqx-r o' gingerbread 1 fetched along for lunch aud a bottle o’ root beer Fanner Jenkins* wife sent me —it’s dret/ul good for pimples and sicb —and I’ve got a stri|ied carpet-bag some’rs, with the key tied on with a bit o’ red tape—and here’s the brass tickets for the trunks; checks, the fellow oalled ’em, if I remember rightly.” "It’s all right, ma'am, I assure you,” said Mr. Early. "Step into the carriage; I will see that your things are brought here directly.” "What lie them fcllowa laughin’ at ?” demanded Annt Feny, stopping short, with one foot on the carriage step, and glaring at Messrs. St. Evcril, Montmar tin k Co. through the green sjieotncle glusatis, “I gu.es I’m as good as they be, if I ain't dn-ssad ni the very last agony of the fashion. I’ve got ten dol lars sewed up in my llauuel waist, over and al-ove my travclin' cxpciisea, and I’ll go l>ail it’s more than they’ve got A suppressed laugh here ran through the little assemblage of epeotaftsaa ea the platform. "Do not let their folly annoy yon, ma’am,” said Early, pleasantly. “Lei me assist you into the carriage. 8k Everil, stand back I” he added, sternly; “if yon have no reverence for old age or womanhood, I will tench yon to respect my right hand. This lady is under my protection, yon will please to rcmemlier." Mr. St. Everil retreated, somewhat discomfited, upon his companion’s tooe, and the old lady climbed, chuckling, into the carriage. "Young man,” she began, when the imhrella, lunch-paper, basket and bot- le were safely stowed away and they were rolling rapidly over the city streeta, "you’ve got a good deal of moral cour age. Taint every city® sprig would bfl as polite to an old creetur as you’ve with all them noisy fellers pokin’ fun at you?’ Our hero was somewhat embarrassed at this plainly-s|>oken complimenh "I hope, mail am,” he said, “I shall never be found lacking in the essential qualities of a gentleman, in whatever circumstances I may lie placed.” The antique dame nodded her oap- frills, and held silently ou to her nm- brella, without venturing any other re mark until they reached Mrs. Robert Early’s mansion. Josephine was smiting tor them on the threshold; she clasped bar ancient rela tion closely in her arms, and there was a sort of triumphal proceasion np to her apartment, which Charles waa rather at a loss to understand. * "One would think Josephine never had had an aunt, fresh ont of Noah’s ark before,” he muttered to himself, as he look up the newspaper and went ont to the vine-shaded back piazza, there to while away the time until such period as luuch should be announced. "Charlie 1” He had exhausted the paper long ago, and nearly fallen into a doze; but at his sister-in-law’s summoning voice he started to his feet and entered the house. "Annt Stephanie wants to thank yon for all your kindness to her this morn ing,” said Josephine. “Confound Annt Stephanie,” thooght Mr. Early, advancing drowsily toward the front rodm? where, in a sort of arti ficial twilight, produced by satin cur tains and Venetian blinds, he could dim ly desery a figum, Suddenly Josephine drew back the shadowy draperies, and there, instead of a beig and crooked old woman, atood a lovely girl of 18, with deep bine eye* and golden earls, set off with * white muslin dress, with an abandonee of float ing bine ribbons looped and knotted abont it. "Stephanie Osborne 1” he ejaculated, instantly recognizing his fair enchant ress of the ssssida. "No—my Annt Stephanie]" inter rupted Josephine, demurely. "What jmystery is this?” demanded BARNWELL C- 1L. S. ty, THURSDAY. MAY 15. 1884.,, railroad train 1” laughed the golden haired lassie, with a becoming glow of color in her cheeks. "Do not look so astonished, Charles. Josephine really is my niece, only as her mother, my slate. was married before I was born, she is just ten years older thaa I am I” “Yes, but why " "Why did I assume that odious dis guise, you would say ? Jiut to try your sterling worth and native chivalry, Charles. I somehow fancied that the young man who was polite and attentive *o a bent old woman would have in him .be stuff for a good and noble husband, and ” "Ao<^ msy I be yonr husband, Steph anie ?” demanded Mr. Charlie, promptly deducing a favorable inference. - "I—I’ll think of it," said Stephanie, laughing and blushing. “At all events, Charlie, I like you ten thousand times better since I have seen how devoted yon were to the poor old woman in the simff-oolorcd cloak 1” "Upon my word, Stephanie, yon ongfct to have been an actress 1” said Mrs. Early, archly. "‘All the world’s s stage,’” quoted Stephanie, "and I have only performed my part 1 Henceforward I relinquish ‘.U pirtcxionl” "So yon are gT’uy to marry my Annt Stephanie, eh?” said Joscpnis;, as she met her brother-in-law in the hall, after a lengthened interview with bis fair haired goddess. ‘ "And will yon be'my uncle then 1” "I don’t oara if I am your grand father, now that she has said yes,” was Mr. Charles Early's exultant reply. neasoaahle Farm Htata. Peas msy be sown ss soon ss the frost is ont of the ground. It is cheaper in the beginning, aa well ss in the end, to bay the early cabbage plants, and those grown in cold frames msy tie put ont ss soon as the soil feels warm to the hand. A little mnloh of warm manure around each one of a dozen or two of early cab bage plants, and some shelter—if only s newspaper pegged down over each plant —will protect them from a frosty night, A mulching of manure and some cover ing of straw will force asparagus ahead folly two or three weeks of the main crop, and a row or two can be easily covered in this way. It is quite possi ble to get two snooeesive crops of vegeta bles and small fruits by protecting in this way s sufficient number of plants to afford an early supply. A liberal mulching of warm manure will start the growth very quickly, or at least will force s rapid groath after it has started naturally. As the garden is the most valuable part of the farm it is proper that a warm, sheltered place should be se lected for it and that the ground should be very rich. Any one can grow vege tables and fruits, but some forethought, provision, and skill are necessary to grow early and good ones, and the pleasure of having fine vegetables and an early sup ply of them is worth far more than the thought—the labor is the same—that is requisite to secure them. The garden should now be pot in order—and plant ed ss far ss may be—before the farm work is begun or it will be apt to be neglected. And why should not the hns- Imndman—the farm hmdmnd—take thia burden upon himself instead of easting it upon the farm wife, whose domestic duties are sufficiently engrossing without this addition to them. THE WAR nr%|E ROC DAM. tV hat a slowly glided to like s Are-throstsd ; Early, looking with a ponied face from I to the *A» MtodflQTtoa old oi tbiujrttobto old tody Of joryjpyw A Change for the Better. There are more temperance organiza tions and societies in the noun try to-day < more men who are total abstainers, thaa at any time in ita history. Thera are three or four States where the sentiment against the nse of intoxicating drinks is so strong that their Legislstnres have been compelled to adopt stringent legi slation on the subject. The memory of most men living can recall the time when the National Congress, the Senate aa well as the House of Representativea, witnessed soenes of intoxication that shocked and disgraced the whole coun try. Strong drink was openly sold in both wings of the Capitol at Washing ton, and it was an ordinary occurrence to aee drunken Senators and Representa tives staggering through the corridors to their seats in the two branches of the National Legislature. It is fame that liquor is still sold there; bat it is in vio lation of the rales. The Ooogreestonal revelry has oome to an end, and no sum. who is known aa a habitual drunkard, no matter how great hia ability or how excellent in other respects, ean retain hia seat in either body. This is fame of nearly all the State Legislatures. Ninety per cent, of the offioehoUesa of the country, State and Federal, axe man of temperate habits. They cannot, in fact, be elected or appointed if their lives are, in this reapeot, a scandal In private business booses the same rule obtains The olerk who is a heavy drinker is vary soon invited to seek another position.— New York Horn. Gwxaoos as Wkll as Brava.—Lieu tenant Rhodes has departed in hank |6,009 motived from various sources in testimonials for his bravery at the Gay Head disaster, and awaits permission from Secretary ^Foiger to divide the money among hia shipmates on the Dex ter. To feraatsll a possible adverse de cision by the Secretary, Lieni Bhodaa has purchaasrl new anWn—ss sad bias Saw ta •I ih« fraj. (From the Lofflaa Standard.] So hotly do the ^rabs press forward that the troops panes to their steady ad vance. It becomes ^ hand-to-hand fight, the soldiers meeting the Arab spear with cold steel, their flrartte weapon, and beating them at ilT^are is not mnoh shooting, and onljH* abort, sharp ex clamation, a brief shoot, or tn oath as the soldiers engage with their foes. At this critical moment for the messy me rushing op quickly, the Gardner guns open fire, and their toaden hail aoon do- cuien the matter. At this instant, Ad miral Hewett, who, jjith Mr. Levison, his private'aecretar£r> present as a spectator, joins the Naval Brigade and leads them ou over -dead bodies of the Arabs, lying thickly strewn on their front, into the wor^g^iioh proves to be bat s bank of sand. Colonel Bornaby here has his horse shot under him, and a bullet passes through his arm. Still with the double-bauraUetFfowling-piece he carries he knoekujrvtr the Arabs who assail him. Bat they press on, and he is only saved from bflng speared by one of the Gordon Highiaudera bayoneting an Arab who attach him when both barrels of his gun q|u empty. Several fierce personal encounters take place as lbs Drops rash into the entrenchments. The first feeling <*. nervousneas has passed sway, their Weed la up no?, “d the enthusiasm of buttle is upon them. More and more shrill the pipes skirl ont, and the men are eagJUto close with the foe. As single Aofbs rush down the brave soldiers step singly forward from the ranks and meet, Iwyonet to spear, in almost every instance vanquishing them by the bayonet alone, without fir ing. A soldier who had single-handed engaged two of the enemy would have got file worst of it had not Captain Wil son, of the Hecla, oome to his aid and run one of his naaCdsnta through the body, breaking hia wwn sword and re ceiving a wound aoroes the face as he did so. Sharp as the fig^t it, it lasts bat s minute or two after the troops have passed over the sand bank. The work contains one Krupp gun, which, of course, falls into our hands. The bush grows thickly all abont where we are now formed up, and numbers of the enemy an lyum, concealed in it They raatantty toufFlo riwtr feet and rush at ns, singly or J>y taros and threes, with fanatical valor, often coming on fall they fall dead almost at the muzzles of the rifles. During the halt the cav alry have moved round behind us, aud we can now see them advancing toward a large mass of the enemy, who an making off in the distance. They are manifestly quickening their pace. Faster and faster they go; their sabres an flashing in the sunlight, and they dash into the mass of the enemy. Bight through them they fiat their wsy, end then turn sharp back again. The Arabs do not fly, but stand and fight stubborn ly aud gallantly, displaying ae mnoh courage as against the infantry. Again aud again they are dispersed, but eaeb , time they ghther together as the horse men oomc on; aud tkw cavalry, although cutting down many, go by no means scathless through them. Oleomargarine la theXcgislatnre. Artificial butter was discussed by the Assembly recently, aud the evils as- cril»o3 to it are deserved by some of the combinations of grease and milk that are ■old ss products of the dairy; but the Legislators might se well go slow as- to have its ooncluskm set aside within n fear or two. Genuine oleomargarine is an imitation batter that experts have pronounced almost identical with the original product of the churn, and it is much cheaper than butter made from cream; consequently H appeals to the pockets of consumers, who outnumber producers at least ten to one. Its imita tions, made of materials that cannot boar the test of time, heaaaae they will in a few days be offensive to taste, smell and health, should either lie suppressed or sold under their proper names. The people of a State containing one-tenth of the population of the United States should not be speoielly taxed to support dairy farms, neither should they be sub jected to uDhealthfai hjitotious. Com pounders of vile greese ean easily be de eded and punished. The law as it is ean >ffect this end with bnt little additional legislation, and the people demand that ‘ilia be done. For the rest, the interests of dairymen are sot superior, nor even equal, to those of consumers. Let the Legislature be in Earnest, bnt let it not fail to work for the greatest good to the greatest number. —New Y&rk Herald. (losing a Gap. General Buller; has recommended Captain Wilson, R. M., of the Heels, for an action at the bottle of Teb, which he describee as one of the most courage ous he has ever witnessed. There waaa gap in the square, and five or rix of the enemy seeing it rushed forward, attempt ing to pierce the ranks. Captain Wilson advanced to meet them alone, and break ing bis sword in jits effort to cut one of them down, would not rvtlre a step, bnt held his ground, knocking them down with his fists. Either by a miracle or the surprising nature of hia atteok, he ea- eaped with a few wounds, and thesqaare riotoagup wnmadtop. AGONY OF RIDBOrOOBIA. Ta# Uaffortwe •* a VMM Twa MosUm Alter Bela a Mttea hr a Baa. [From tbs New Tork Herald.] Willie M odd an, the six-year-old child of Mary Meddua, a widow, living to WilliaaMburg, was severely bitten to the toes and on the elbow last January by a Scotch terrier belonging to John Van Brant, who lives to a house oppo site to that of Mra. Meddua. The bo/ was taken to the Eastern District Dispensary, where hia wounds were cauterised. Some days later the dog was shot. The boy recovered and gave no evidence of having been seriously injured 'until lost > Sunday, when he became feverish and iaatlsm. He was awake nearly alknighl The Brat miamlug the mother oalled to Dr. Daniel Morphy, who aaid that the child h^ symptoms of hydrophobia. The physician gave the mother in structions as to what shook! be done in the event of a quick development of the disease. After the doctor left the child asked for s drink. A glassful of water was taken to his bedside, bnt at sight of it he was soiled with violent convulsions. When the eoavuliuons passed away the boy again asked for water. The mother and those abont him were afraid to bring on the convulsions again and hesitated to oomply with his wishes. The boy, when he noticed that no one in the room moved in the direotion of the water pail, jumped from the bed and exclaimed: "I will get it myself.” He iah au£S? the room and was about to pat his fsoe in P* 11 when h ® again seised with convulsict&Y _ c WM with difficulty lifted to the bed.' iJlT sufferings were intense. No relief what ever could be afforded him. The afflioted mother and the brothers and sisters of the child were nearly crazed by the sight the little lad preeented, and begged their friends to releaae the child trom its agony. When deeth came the poor mother said she was grateful. It would certainly have killed her, she said, to have had her ehild endure another day of sneh torture. In the little casket the features of the child gave no evidence of the terrible iuffering he had endured. With the ex ception of the scars on his fsos, where the dog had bitten him, the boy’s ap pearance was that of a child who had died peacefully. To a Herald reporter 4>r. Morphy eaftdh "I was sailed to aee the bey Monday and knew nothing about hia having been bitten by a dog. I saw at onoe it waa s ease of hydrophobia and did all that was possible. As near as I ean learn the boy had been tormenting the dog when the animal flew at him. When the child asked for a drink I ad vised the toother to give him some tea. A teaspoonful was given him, but he immediately threw it off. The little fel low’s suffering was very great, and he presented an awfnl appearance. He lived forty-eight hours after the due sac hod manifested itself. ” Mrs. Meddns said: "My boy wm stricken down just nine weeks to the day after he wss bitten. It is said that my poor child tormented the dog, bnt that is not sa Willie, with other children, was going into Mr. Van Brant’s cream ery across the street when the savage little dog sprang at him and tore his face and elbow.” THE nCMOBuS PAPEBi WHAT WB FIND IN Til KM OVEK. TO HM1L.B PET HAKES FOB THE BAHT. Bploodongle la a new father, and the other moraing after a noisy night with the kid be picked np Sploodoogle, Jr., and began coddling him: —•*- .-. r . "Es, 00 ittle ootoy wootay tootsy,” ha gurgled, "00 tweet ittle sing; oer mamma's dzrlin’. You darned Maobeth, your ^•What’s that?”cried Mrs. EL, started by hia changed tones, “what’s that yau're calling toe baby ?” "Nothing, dear, only ‘Macbeth/ ” a horrid name. Wbotdo you war* “On strictly riwato principles, I call him*Maobeth because Shakespeare Bays, ‘Maobeth doth murder sleep.’ Merchant Traveler. - A FAXB OFFEB. A few days ago a ferittor drove ihe door at a Bprfngweila oalled out to several men staadtog that • Brighter of hk bviag about laur , miles away had fallen into Em family iS well sod probably killed Massif. ^ “Well, what of it r asked out rftfci « men. % "Why, I want two or three ef you I* ride cut with me aud help jut toe tefly out” "For bow much r "You don’t pretend snob an action aa- _ _ fanner, but they arid they did, Md Mb Id that r gasped ' Talking Abont War. General Grant recently told a news paper correspondent, speaking of the Retxdlion, that it was so much a young men’s war that he thought himself rather too old to make a successful com mander, teeauaa be was 89 when the straggle began. He laid that the Mexican war, which closed only thirteen fears before the Rebellion began, seemed to him mnoh more remote in 1881 than the Rebellion does now, nearly twenty years after ita dose. The Mexican war waa an episode merely, and being fought on foreign soil and with smell forces, did not leave such impressions on the min da of those engaged in it as were left by the great civil war. Speaking of the nameless battles of the Rebellion, Gen. Grant ssid that there were many fights brought ou by reoonnoisaan- oes in command of Colonels where more men were killed than fell in tome of the battles in Mexico which are famous in history. The battles of the civ il war ware so numerous toft their very unmet are more and aaore fading from the public recollection, leaving only toe meet important to stand oat distinctly m the national memory. ora MIHMTEBS rAORiriCB. Minister Sargent has completely won Bismarck's heart At the great Berlin banquet the famous Chancellor watched the American diplomat closely. At a critical moment in the meal Bismarck ealled a waiter to him and spoke a few words in a low tone. The waiter im mediately left the banquet hall, hnt in a moment returned and placed directly before Sargent’s plate a piece of Lim- burger cheese that nearly polled the table-cloth off. Sargent turned deadly pole. But nerving himself he grasped the cheese,) and, holding his breath, ate every morsel of it with great rapidity, ^marck eyed him earnestly, and as tbs last parfictB disappeared could contain himself no longer. ^ "Mein Gott I He haf schwallowed it all 1 Zsrgent, your bondt 1 No longer call me Brinz. Call me Aubgooot; loh bin nine binder!” Sargent has been in bed ever since, bnt he eaye he knew the fete of the two great nations hang upon the deed, end he did il—PiUtburg Chronicle- W^fraph. WORSE THAN EEXHO LEFT. "Let the offioe seek the man and not the man the office. That’s my doc trine,” declared Mr. Jones. "Yoa’re just the man I want to ran against,” responded Smith. "The Bean who sits down and waits far s salaried office to‘come Bad hunt Mm wp ta toe good for this earth and too bigs fool for heaven, and entirely tco tame for Satan’s dominions. I’m afraid yon’d be left ont all around.” ~ "Well it might be wone than tool” "Worse I Whet ooald possibly be worse ?” "Well, it isn’t nearly es bedsa being a New York Alderman under the Roosevelt Reform bill.’*—tH#d&p Blitzard. “ A BIGKiriOANT M’OOEETIOH. "I see,” said Mrs. Youugwifo, as she folded the newspaper and took up hor sewing, looking as tom, I "I see that the Mormons hare their wivea sealed unto them.” ‘‘Yes,” replied her husband, up fr >m his book, "that is the custom believe, my love.” "I don’t see why Somerville wives should not be sealed onto their hufi^ bonds,” panned the lady, aa she threaded her needle. "In what wsy, dear?” ^ 'ly "With a sealskin aaequo, as it were,’’ and the lady chewed her thread medita tively, while the hnabond mattered “selah I” and protended to be gasing at the ceiling. —Somerville Journal. Soldiers and Sailors’ Monument.— General Lloyd AapinwaU, of New York, has obtained the signatures of 600 citi- zens, of high and low degree, "from a millionaire to a shoemaker,” to use his words, to the roll of the Soldier* and Ballon' Monument Association, of which be is president It is intended to niie by popular subscription, contributed from all elsasm of people, suffieient to erect a plain and massive abaft, high enough to be seen at a great distance, in commemoration ef the soldiers and seilon who lost their fives in the war. A conspicuous sate, like the Fifth eve. entrance to Central P|rk, will be arieeted for the Nationatoheliek. It is expected that $100,000 sail te collected. A rotnrri to hia girl for alto ktad d art Nora. Mortimer Morgan is a native of Ana- tin, who imagines he has * talent fot painting, but thus far he has met with no success. His father endeavorod to make a clergyman of him, bat in vain. A few days ago, the old man aaid to him: "Mortimer, don’t yon think it ia time for yon to quit spoiling good canvas and wasting point.” "I feel sure that in a few yean I’ll eclipse Raphael.” "In a few yean,” sneered the okl man; "yon are now forty-two yean old, and nobody hns ever bought a picture from you. Don’t yon know, yon addle- pated nse, tbst at your age Raphael had been dead five yean ?”—Austtn Sill- ing*. DIDNT KNOW IT WELL KNOT)OR. "Walter,” said bis fond wife, "will yon not learn to play poker tor my sake?” “Learn to play poker P he exclaimed in astonishment "Why—ahem why, the truth is I do know something about the game. I—I have played it.” "Yes, dear, but you don’t know enough. I thought if you would only learn how to play it yon might not lose so mnoh money, you know. ”— PitUbwrg Chronicle. 0 . A SAFB BBT. ‘Til bet s good rigor that’s s married couple/ remarked a swell standing et the widdbw of a fashionable club hones and watching a lady aud gentleman who. were oroaaing the street during a heavy sbovav+~ I son’t imagine your reason for say tog so," returned his eompeata. “It’a plain that the aster of sntered the saloon to tea if the ownawEk not more tender hearted. "I tells you how it tbs saiocniri, but ha sue with: "Don’t tell me that you won’t hand in such s case aa this P "I can’t go, my frendi, but I tafia yes how it vbae. I let you drink baa until you doan’ care two cents fa slLtbe tarSB era and ell der wells in America, uttddsi I hire a poy for two shillings to drivu * yon home. Dot vhss da peat I aas Ea \o4%j ."—Detroit Free Pres*. "HOW TO MAKS BOMB HAFTT.’ He was a book agent He rang a door boll, and a women who wm i ing opened the door so suddenly thft I fall off the step aud nearly I«t hia baM equilibrium. But be was a book and he recovered hia momentum awfl said fluently: ’ "I am agent for the most celebrated 1 (took ever offered to the pnblie stem ‘Unde Tom’s Cabin’ wm written, end filled with hiuta of things toateeaaolbu y found outside the coven of any stoat twok, and with rodpea for cooking ami -U faiH5W3^“^ - how *)&*&***■ ^> ont of furs, and some flue poems kg well known and popular writoa,aadyou con give me yonr order to-day aud needn’t pey for it till next Jane, a aw toe installment plan, wUoh k oheepa than going without, and the name ef ft * k 'Three Million Hinto, a Inquire ^ Within How to Make Home Happy.’" "Oh, yes,” Mid the woman, sweetly. " ’How to Mate Happy,’ I have one already,” 1 looted at the broom in ha hand with dreamy eyes. He fell off the doorstep again, aud' this time be didn’t recover till there wm ' a block between them,—DOrett Frau FINANCIAL HTATTWTlOe. Jim Wolwler, a hard-looking eolarud man, was brought to a justice in Austin, for stealing some money from the house of Col. Jones, one of the most rcspcctCrS hie citizens. Said the Judge very improtsively to Jim: * v. "Don’t yon know that no good can come from stolen money —that there iss curse on it F’ * •. g •'Boss, I didn't know Cot Jones stole lint money. I nilus spouted him ri» / bein’ an hones’ mnu. While folks am gel tin’ Jo Iw mighty onndiahle days. Texas Nifl:' hjs. . ' ', * r< ’ he didn’t know, y'kwow. "Aw, Misa I)eSmythe,”aaid Lord Fits sponge to a Now Ybrir young women, "who wm that, aw, vewy looking old lady you ware, aw, d with thisRUfiiing?” "My grandmother, Lord Fitaspoage,’ she replied, sweetly. "Gwaodmolbaw P exclaimed hia Emoticship. “Is it possible? I had no ideab, y'know, that Amewioan* hid gwondmothawa, aw. ''—Phlladrlfkim Calk WASHINGrrOH NO* AN AWNUOk Joaea—“What an rnitlwmtorii angler George Washington wm P Sarith—Washington I Wh^r te a fisherman.” Jones—"Indeed bo wm a great lova of the sport. Ho wrote a book about it.” Smith-"Are you not thinking ef Isaak Walton ?” Jones—“Izaak Walton ! Why, tftrito a fact; so I was. It was not Waohing- tou, of course. He was not An angler." Smith—-“No, indeed; Washington could uot toll a lie.”—FAff*. 0»U. ■U m * v- V --yjjjE-’"— aft ■v ~1g ■ i 1. JkM - • ■ »w Off fur Cuba. L Col Aguero, with thirty picked OMB, left Key West, at 9 o’clock at right,