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A
Showing the Uses of the Modern Statesman?
fly 2?ueft ^Sees Ui? Viw Clear
it t> Choice Between Two Frauds.
--*> < Washington, D. C., Mar. 8.
1 hare seen a groat light, as they say at
Methodist cainp-mecttags. As Grant wrote
to "^ewcornb, Eastou and Smith," ofSt.
Loais, during tho Gratz Brown campaign
ta 1870, 1 have been "enabled to see my
way dear." I shall support the administration
of the fraudulent President. I shall
acquiesce in tho verdict of Bradley. I
ahull hail J. Madison Wells aud EJlixa Piokaton
as martyrs and canonize them oseaiata.
For mine eyes have sien and mine ears have
Sieard the glory of tho opposition of Bhune.
*Up to yesterday aud to-day 1 had been full
of the gall of bitterness toward the mea who
had stolen our Presidency ; full of the fierceness
of reiMnttnnnL nirnin9t the man who had
accepted the stolen property at their hands;
and full of the aqua forth of contempt for
the pusillanimity of those rightful owners,
Jthe democrats, who had stood quietly and
<allawod their pockets to be rifled without
"even mo much as an able bodied rernonAtranoe.
Hut now T am at rest. Having
Heavnod (that Blaine was really, actually and
in fact at war with Mr. Hayes, I hasten to
.assure >tke Utter of my distinguished consideration,
and to congratulate him upon
<his great luek. No other possible conjuncture
could, have made his tenure of the Presidency
eve? tolerable in the eyes of respcotable
people. I have heretofore remarked
that Hayes was a lucky dog. That ho
accrued in truth?
"A faverit of Fate, in Fortune's lap caressed."
That honors and emoluments have fallen
upon him like ripe apples irom the tree.?
That he seemed to have been singled out by
God AJaiighty as a living testimony unto
all men of the omnipotence of Good Luck!
And all that sort of thing. But no stroke
of luok that ever descended upon his head
bears any comparison?not even the remotest
or the far-fotchcdest?to that stroke
which fell in the Scnato yesterday when i
Blaine declared war on the new Southern
policy of Ilayes. All the other pieces of 1
good luck which have befallen Hayes bear
. the same rotation to this one that the sputter
of a tallow candlo bears to a bolt of chain
lightning. Blaine bos his uses. The State i
of Maine has i.ts uses also. Th* State of
Maine exists on the njap in order that Blaine
may sit in Congress. An4 Blaine sits in 1
pAitivwAflo in ah/Liu thai ilananl man mnir Irnnw I
WU^IVOO A U Vt VT't HUM! UUVVUVUIUU UAHJ *uv n
Tft-H^at course to take ou occasions of dilern-. i
> -ma*, 3&fa?M wane times hesitates about tak-"r'uaemorauda
and the like?but ho does
sometimes hesitate about takiug a position ;
and on these occasions all men who have at 1
heart the interests of tho country and who
want to bo right hesitate also; the suspence
is painful. Hut no sooner does Blaine rear
up on his hind legs and begin to paw the
air with his forepaws, bcllowiug the while
like a four-year old bull with a stone wall
between himself and the object of his desires,
than all good men complacently betake
themselves to the other side and put their
trust in God.
Blaine is not like Daniel Webster. Blaine
would rather be wrong than be President; i
but he would like to be both. When our 1
Proctor Knott remarked that Blaine was J
"the d?dest scouudrcl on tho American
continent," he did very wrong. Knott |
should havo said, "Bluinc is the most useful
uiau on tho American or any other continent.'
Blaine is to politics what the light-house ^fs"
to navigation ; his light shows where those
places aro which must be kept away from,
lie is the red flag of politics, for, whenever
you sec him you know there is suiall-poz i
in the neighborhood. lie reminds uic of <
the fellow who used to go about the country
as an advapce agebt of a noted temperance 1
lecturer. He always traveled forty-eight 1
hours ahead of tho lecturer, giving a fearful 1
/ Tiiinnln nP t.lm #?fT* nP itifAinnprinnA '
? r -- - ??*t' ?
But oqg earthly consideration could havo 1
induced patriotic people?pcoplo who value
manhood, honesty, honor, law, peace charity
and other beuisons, benefices and amenities
of life?to tolerate a President not elected 1
by the people, but couutcd iu by Bradley, '
Stroug, Miller, Garfield, Iloar, Edmunds
ct al That one thing was that Blaine
should oppose his administration. That
left the situation in the nature of a choice
between two frauds; und, as friend McCul- ,
lagh once said of Bill Grosvenor?who, by
the way, is the Jidus Achates of Carl Schurz
?"Ilell could not produconor Omnipotence
duplicate" a fraud which would not instantly
be chosen as the lesser of tho two if the
other hapehued to be Blaine,
1 am told that Blaine opposes Hayes hecause
Hayes refused to give him the patrouage
he demanded. That Bluiue went up to
. the White House and commanded Hayes
to stand aud deliver two or three Cabinet
places and no cud of other valuables, and
that lfaycs iu response kicked Blaiue down
the front steps, whereby a soreness was produced
in the seat of Blaine's intellect.?
But Blaine is taking the wrong way to get
even. It is just "ike him. lie never docs
tho right thing. He is so smart Blaine
. i. \ .a n r ? ?i %
is?so uauineu smart, u i uiay do auowea
the term?that he can't get out of his own
way ; therefore most of tiic blows which ho
designs for others hit himself. Now, when
he eamo away from the White House the
other day, rubbing the inflamed seat of his
intellect, and vowing vcngonco, if he hnd
any sense it would at once have occurred to
him that the only way he could injure
Hayes was by supporting his administration.
And by the tiuio lie had supported
Hayes six weeks the latter would have been
glad to give him all seven of the Cabinet
places in cousideratiou of his distinguished
and invaluable enmity for the balance of
his term. Hut no; Blaine lacked sense,
and consequently he did not perceive tho
fine point of strategy that lay within his j
* '
to C#lt ^riu^o^SjIl Now, Kellogg is a
oar pet-bagger, and the carpet-bagger hating
become, as honest old Tom Robertson says,
"hated at the North, execrated at the86uth
and dospised by the nigger," Bfaihe finds
congenial fellowship wXplIogg. Therefore
Bloino seises toe coat-tails of .Kellogg
and~expects Kellogg 'to pull bin into the
Presideney'ftar yetnr from flow. I once
knew a fellow whose; ideas ' of locomotion
were similar to' Blaine's theory of political
{>rugroM. jlnis louuw, Having partaken
argely of the peculiar constitutional lav of
a late administration, walked solemnly into
a water closet at one end of a railway station
platform, took a seat and inquired,
"Why in h-~l don't this train start i1." ,It
is fortdriate'for Kellogg tTiat his reputation
is as bad as a reputation ean be; otherwise
Blaine's advocacy of him might be injurious.
And yet Blaine represents his constitu- i
eucy with fidelity. Perhaps you are not ac- 1
quuinted with the constituency of Blaine.?
Blaine's constituent* are these natives of
Maine who ucglect to emigrate precipitately
as soou as they are old enough to realize
what kiud of a State they have been born
in. Providenoe keeps a few people in
Maine, who are oarefully selected with a
view to influencing all respectable folks to
emigrate at once. Well, these are Blaine's
constituents?the few persons retained as
moral scarecrows by Divine Providence.?
After this explanation you will understand
the secret'of Blaine's wonderful hold upon
the peoplo of Maino. No hold has ever
been seen dike 4*, -uuinas ?i si oopt that
hold which Blaine got on the Mulligan letters.
And no hold like it will ever be seen
until the devil gets Blaine, oonstituonts,
Mulligan letters and all.
But, to bo serious, Blaine is becoming
the most colossal uuisance of
the century. He is not only deluging
the namo of the American people-with
disrepute, but he is becoming a disturber of
Mia I \ A Wit S?A nnd am intiAtAvnf a .11
vtav wvuv/V, UUU UU lUTCltlUW ^UUUiUl VI J
ooxious notions which arc designed to bn- ]
devil the feeble minded. Never accomplishing
anything and proposing nothing, lie 1
hangs on.thc verge of politics like a JJpdouin i
uppu the flanks of a caravan, watching for j
some pilgrim with a sick camel to drop out i
of the procession. I
If the fools were all dead, Blaine <
could do no harui. But some of them I
still liye^.aod, as a consequence, Blaine i
ulwaya^vkjnst. enough of following to j
keep his owh' n*.to the iutoler- ]
able poinUandioinfeet"((K?,poH||hal atuos- 1
rhnri i|hiwnwlivV>frtvf
no success in him; but lie always comes i
near euough to success to nerve his misguid- I
od' followers for auother effort in his behalf.
His followers are of two classes: First, play- i
cd-out aud used-up old hacks and frauds, <
who have been kicked out of all other fel- t
lewship, aud, secoud, credulous and cuthu- <
sinstic boys, who are led to believe that i
iron check aud leather luugs constitute the :
true statesman,'and that Blaine's system of i
ten-cent thimble-riggery is iho true game of 1
politics. ~ i
As a Keuncbcc town councilman, Blaino 1
would have been a success. But iu the <
arena of national politics he figures as ridi- i
culously as a cockroach turned out to pas- (
turc in a ten-acre lot. It is only when he I
becomes the boss cockroach of a horde oi
grasshoppers that he ceases to b? ridiculous,
and he only ceases to be ridiculous when
he becomes pestiferous. Ho may not be
able to accomplish anything of great detriment,
but he sometimes has power to delay
the accomplishment of that which is beneficial?as
iu the present instance he obstructs
the pacification of Louisiana and
South Carolina. * *When
Stanley Matthews and Mr. Evarts,
on behalf of Hayes. advised that poor shivering
upstart, Chamberlain, that the good
of the country required his withdrawal from
the position to which he prcteuds, Matthews
aud Evarts simply tried to do by mild
persuasion, out of pity, what simple justice
would have dictated should be done by the
hair of his head?and what will be done by
tho hair of his head, too, if, at Blaine's instigation,
he should stick there thirty days
longer. But Blaino thinks he sees an opportunity,
and grasps it. i
Now, if a little nigger should sec a mule's 1
tail, and, imagining that it afforded him a 1
good opportunity to stoul a ride, should !
grasp the tail, with the consequence traditional
in such cases, everybody would laugh
and express wondernicut that, after two (
centuries of uniformly disastrous experimcut,
the Ethiopian should still be so infatuated
as to grasp a mule by the tail. But
the nigger in this ease would not be one ,
whit more absurd than Blaino is when he
embraces tho carpet-bagger and tries to
make political capital out of him. lie
might as well go out into the fields and bestride
the decomposing carcass of a dead
horse with the design of taking a ride !?
Poor Blaine! Wlieu that great big Presidential
maggot gets into a small head it produces
rickets. Blaine "hoped his tongue
would cleave to the ruool of his mouth."?
That was the most discreet wish I ever
know him to avow. If it only would, he
might possibly obtain a reputation for good
sense in the course of time?unless he
should learn the deaf and dumb art of talking
with bis fingers; and even if he did
that it might serve to keep bis fingers busy
in conversation and thus improve his reputation
as a respecter of the laws of meiim
and luum.
Meanwhile I liavc my little laugh on the
boys who, ten days ago, were supplying
lung power to produoo the Blaine yell and
?why, three Cabinet places were the merest
bagatelle, you know ! Blaine was going
to bo President in fact ! But he would allow
Mr. and Mrs. Ilaycs to occupy the
White House, you know, just to humor the
childrcu and keep peace in tho family!?
It ia f ? it .1
. And now MortomSwqajrCaiDeroD and
those othet sly oldfeflowanate quietly gone
and made their peace wittf ffaydi, rearing
Blair*, tril unoonscious, Vweiag away with
his groat spaoeh at the emptjr air.. Aa I
said before, Blaine is rery amort. Nope of
those sly old fellow*.ere po smart as Blaine.
He is no? 9?dj ao smartthat be oan't keep
out of hja qwb *ey, but lie runsyo fe?t that
he s^bs his toe ogaiost hw^scH'apd tumbles
down. He opcus nii'moutb nod pats his
foot in it. lie raises his hand' to strike
....i*..- u:_ ?v, i, _L:.U I_
*.xmj oo auu ruiiwwo iiif vwu nuiuu in
protuberant. It was funny to ae# Blaioo
prancing up and down (b?v Fqg-bank, end
uobody paying any attention to him ^xoept
JuluLl'ntteifww auduSjMMwMWh?w*iA .
a Tew niggers and some taunted, female*
iu the gallery. How ho brandished that
telegram ! Blaine knows bow to brandish
private papers. He knows how to get them,
itlso. "Howly Chroiat," said Mulligan,
"he's got uie uiimoraudy, too !" .With what
Sue frenr.y he waltzed a found there in a
small open space, with John Patterson on
one sido and old Hamlin on the other, and
threw down the gage of battle.
Would any solemn old Senatorial pump
staud sponsor for Stauley Matthews' dispatch
? Show him the sou of u gun ! But
one of the old pumps rospcudcd. They t
were past tho tiiuo of life when it is contidcred
necessary to knock chips off the
shoulders of small bpys. Poor Blaine !?
He^couldn't even fiud a windmill to tilt
igaiusi; for ho was the only one in the Senate,
and it is written that no windmill can 1
tilt against itsolf, Suppose some Tipperary 1
Irishman should waltz into the vaticau some
?f i,;n ??. 11
iUUIUIIi^ Tl 11 II Ufc/V/UU DIA lUUUUO Ul U1D WilV ^
iails dragging on tho floor, and invito auy t
spalpeen in tho august college of cardinals
? tread on theui?ujist trid on thj tip ind 1
iv wan av thim!" Or imagine a robust
Wdi. goat trying to provoke a hilchiug-post
-o mortal couibat. It is a long tiuio since
inything has been seen so utterly absurd as
Maine's effort to make a Donnybrook of the
Fog-bank. y
I am sorry for Jim. He is out of his
ino of business. lie should immediately rcligu
from the Seuato and get back to the
House, where the boys*will always be found
ready to whoop it up for him. They never
have auy rows in tho Senate?except in exjcutivc
sossiou ; and what would Blaine give
for a row when there are no boys or uiggers
,n the gallery and where no report of his
^reat snoech could be printed in the newspapers?
, A row of that kind is of no more
ludicncc of'smair boys fa^ossnin^Jcnnica ?
for his antics.
The only affecting part of the transaction
is the cool desertion of Blaine by Simon
[Jamcron, Morton, Sargent and the othor
sly fellows, leaving him to the teudcr nier3ics
of Stanley Matthews, who, as Blaine
will presently find out, knows no such thing
is mercy for him. The situation recalls uu
incident of boyhood : A neighbor of our's
had a flue plum orchard, which was surrounded
by a high board fcucc, and in which
by way of additional security against tho
iepredations of small boys, the owner was
wont to pasturo au old Meriuo raui with
enormous horns and a disposition similar to
Lhat of llolinan. One dav half a dozen of
us small boys held a consultation about thoge
plums. We agreed to capture tlicui. Wc
ill climbed the fcuce. I was detailed to
look after the Merino ram, and, in discharge
jf this delicate responsibility, was soon involved
in what a Soutboru gentleman would
sail "a difficulty." I got a good hold on
the old fellow?by the horns?and immediately
my philosophical mind was beset by
the perplexing question as to whether I had
the ram or the ram had me. But no soouer
was the dead-lock pei feet than all the other
small boys ran away to the owner of the orchard
and told him there was a wicked urjhin
out there trying to steal his plums.? ?
rhen the owner came out and lifted me
over that high board fence, prrtly by the
tip of my east ear and partly upon the tip
jf his boot. What hurt my feelings the
worst was that, after huving dismissed mc
iu this feeling maimer, he praised the other
3mall boys for their honesty, and gave them
nil the plums they could stuff" into their
pockets ! That episode destroyed my faith
in human uaturc. Blaine will soon be a
skeptic also. A. C. B.
"Fuaud-Only Fraud."?Senator Norwood,
whose term of service has just expired,
has been in the city during the past
three or four days, a visitor.
"Well, Senator," said the reporter, after
the usual preliminaries had been exhausted,
"what do you think about the result of the
Presidential electiou ?"
"You mean, what do 1 think about tho
result of the Eleetoral Commission. Well,
it was a fraud !"
"Oh, of course. What do you think will
bo the end of this Hayes business?"
"Fraud?only fraud."
Mr. Ilnycs is a' very pious patriot. Ho |
asked some of the churches to pray for his j
Administration, and then invited II b In- j
gcrsoll, the boasting infidel, to dine with him <
on Sunday, that they might make merry ,
over the credulity of the poor brcthern who ,
had wasted their benedictions upon his
' Southern policy" of deception and imposture.
r*-?- L :
The standard of drunkenness varies between
London and Edinburgh. A witness
in a London court recently testified that
"a man is properly drunk when he cannot
walk in Edinburgh, at about the same
time, a witness gave it as his opinion that
"a man hasua' enough till he canua' speak."
"Can animals communicate ideas 1" asks
an exchange. If they cannot there is a vast
amount of wasted conversation o' moonlight
nights around fences aud back sheds.
TW WW W y . C
' Iftf Sss^lft^ ?
Which 1 with plundst wOlt hsto AUod
Sheee tiit "Sunny 8eeW 1-tHed. 'j
rv>? t>~ k !
"mstgntfsst-tm I
And I 8t(Jrk??p liil'tfng fbr^lit shout
Of riwe#Oef*e, ?
Most c*v&li?rTjr did yo'uct " '4 ?
" Whit I w*nt.? *" ?
Z}VV . .I.! 0
I played "rejsma" to win your vote* j.. ?
My r'T-iiur'' unmasked : ?
M Wjtot jBhiii ?>??? tlftfit ^
*' la the Nivonge I've K
The sentry walks his daily round t ?
Within your State House walla; *r ?
Where civil rule onoe sat enthroned - j
The drummer beats hie eflDe.
I t 1
Who steals my good name steels but trash; a
My wealth is in this hag;
Where blue PenObecot's waters dash 1
I go to save my "swag." tl
Shoemaker firstf and Governor latt ; ^
My pride haa had a fall; c,
In politics I have ptggtd out,
And I may lose my aiipft. . n 1 - - .
' _ j H
The State I rulod is now redoemed, in
The people at me scoff,
And, having taken all things else, "
Myself I'll new take off. h
*Gov. C. frequently flattered the South Caro- V
inians by referring in hie letters and speeches
o their "cavalier stock*"
f Chamberlain served ^Apprenticeship at the ?
hoemakers' trade, but his recent conduct has ?
>reught gjpat discredit on the order of St. Oris
in. *J ' "
r ? J
LNSWEg OF THE PEOPLE OF BOOTH CA&O. 7
LIHA. b
: ?to? 1 1
DANIEL II. CnAMDKBLAIX. * J
Go, traitor I Go! Tby broken trust it
Is monumental crime ; ^
Wo^parc thy life, for God is just,
And we wiH bide His time. *
(, M.!i let
The rifles iji yoti grauito. pile / _
But symbol tbj. career? V
Through all the years thy partyAiled li
The State was rifled tlicre. W
? ! -<sa ? -.v m .) ?
The jarring drum-beat's signal/note, h
That drowns our church-bHU' chimes,
Shall be forgot; but history ,veeps
Tho record of thy eritney oi
/ fl
Thy legislative bayonets gleam
Above our broken laws; b
Though we have quafled the bitter cup Illcld
by thy staugcr hand, .
The law inviolate we-keep, "
And spurn thee from the land. d
We stand beneath the Union flag, 11
Still trusting in our right; tl
But press us not; a people wronged .
May show a people's might.
d
No ''Sluto rights heresy" now clouds
The justice of our cause;
No shade |f slavery now dims
The lustre of our laws. * ?
v
Go back to thy far Northern home, #
Thou thhiy that freemen hate! u
Go live, the scorn of honest men,
Debauchcr of the State 1
The clouds that on our hopes you cast 3
Time soon shall drift away ; b
The niornfhg light is breaking fast v
On a new and brighter day. c
q
Here where you sowed the seeds of strife lTwo
moos blessed shall stand ; n
Their vights inviolate maintained) i;
While justice rules the land.
The law supreme in peace shall sway ^
The soldier and his sword ;
And all shall bless the happy day
They trusted Hampton's word. ?
. a
A few weeks ago the children attendiug li
* school kept bj a priest at Capua, Italy, li
ivcrc left,to themselves a fetor minute#, and v
>uc of therm allowed a favorite canary of the a
nastir's to escape from its cage. When the t
attcr returned he demanded the nauie of t
.he culprit, and, on dismissing tho other \
diildrcn to their dinner, desired hiui to stay I
behind, and go down on his knees as a fur- r
her puuitthment. The other children, as L
,hey passed the butcher's shop of their c
schoolfellow's father, cxplaiucd why he ^
ivouldn't be homo to diuuer, and presently t
lis mother went to intercede for him.? \
When shutnade her way into the room she t
found the poor little follow lying dead, cru- <
tsified on a table, his feci being cut off bemuse
the table was not long .enough.?
When her husband came, ho discovered tho f
priest in an adjoining room, and plunged
i poignard into his heart, killing him at 1
jnce.
To Dkstuoy Stumps.?We find in an j
jx-changc the following directions for cflfec- i
tually destroying stumps, which is worthy ?
->f trial: I
' In autumn to bore a hole one or two in- '
shes in diameter, according to tho girth of i
the stump, vertically in the ccutrc of the I
latter, about eight inches deep. Put into I
it one or two ounces of saltpetre, fill tho hole
m 1*1. 1 -1 li t it -
mi.li mui:i imu |>iug up ugut. id me criming
spring take out the plug, pour in
about cue-half gill of kerosene and thcu ig- 1
cite it The stump will smoulder away !
without [dazing, the very extremity of the '
roots, leading nothing but ashes."
A Long Island Judge thus settles the (
question of scholastic corporeal discipline, ,
uot forgetting that he was once a boy :?
"No hard instrument, such as a ruler or
ferrule, should ever bo used in punishing a
pupil. A tough whip should be used, but
not on tho bands, nor feet, nor head, nod
if common sense, natural instinct, or some
dim recollection of tho past does not call to
uiind the suitable place of application the
teacher should stud; anatomy nud fiud out."
mjuHtmnprari
Lne hrnnbcr of parties who can rightfully
ilaim to hare uiado Hayos President, is
[uito as great as the number ef thoeo who
:illed cock robin. ?
Here, for instance, is Mr. Chandler, of
dichigan, to whose high character and redark
able capacity- as Secretary of the Inerior
Carl Schurs the other day gave such
tuphatio testimony. Zoch says that he
uade Hayes President: or, to put it io his
wn classical language, The d??d fool
rould not have been President At all but for
ae: it was I that care him the rotes of
iouth Carolina, Florida, and Louisiana."
Jo donbfr-thia i* aot aad^the
rhich oan be doubted in Chandler's statelent
is his description of Mr. Hayes as a
-d fool. That question is still undecicd.
n .? - n
Next comes the celebrated Mr. Jay Gonld,
rho put up money for the campaign, and
ftcr the election, when all was lost, started
be scheme of counting in tho Hayes elcc>rs
by the combiued use of troops and of
ash in Florida. He made Hayoa i'resideut.
Tho lleturning Board of Florida can put
i au equal claim with equal justice. Hayes
i their creature also, and if, for want of
tould's inspiration or tor other cause, they
nd failed him, he would not now be in the
Vhite House.
Then there is Madison Wells and tho
ther gentlemen of tho Louisiana Returning
tosrd. They bava the best right iu the
orld to say that they made Hayes I'rcsieat,
aud that without them he would still
e (Joeefuor of Ohio.
t?i> iuj^ui iiiai cuntti un ; liiu juuiii iuuk
he hint and rcuiovfcd thedinen.? Charlotte
Observer.
ti? <#i
A number of years ago attention was at.raeted
to a theory which insisted that the
ast effort of vision materialized itself and
-cmaind as au object imprinted on the rc,ina
of the eye after death. This has been
proved a fact by an experiment tried in the
orescnce of Dr. Gamgee, F- R. S., of Birningham,
England, and Prof. Bunsen, the
subject being a living rabbit. The meaus
taken to prove the merits of the question
were most simple, the eyes being placed
near an opening in a shutter, and retaining
die shape of tho same after the uniuial had
been deprived of life.
A want long felt," says the San Francisco
Chronicle, "has at length been filled by the
opening of a uew drinking Raloon on Montgomery
avenue, at a point whero fivo doors
intervened without such an indisponsablo
convenience."
.*??
"What would vou do if mamma should
die T" she pathetically asked of her little
throe-year old daughter. "I don't know,"
remarked tho infant with downcast eves and
melancholy face, "thsposo I should have to
thpauk uiythelf."
An honest blacksmith, when urged to
start a libel suit, answered : "I can hammer
out a better reputation on my anvil than
all the lawyers in Christendom can give
we"
Judge Joe liradloy in another maker of
In^es. Without his steady perserrerance
1 voting in the Electoral Commission every
irne in fuvor ol fraud, the conspirancy nevr
could have been carried through.
Johu Sherman, Stanley Matthews,
Iharlca Foster, aud William M. Evarts
kewisc made Ilayes. Hut for the strcuuus
promise* and uasuraooee they gave in
is behalf to the Southern Democrats iu the
louse of llepreaoatatirea, the eleotetal
ount would not hare been eompletod, and
ho President of tho Senate would now be
taring sway as the provisional President
f the Uuited States. ^Mipiaau
rtives, who, getting frightened ulmosl to
oath, threw awny their authority and their
uty, aud voted for the unconstitutional
ribunal, also Jiave a right to be classed in
ho array of those who were indispensable
a the creation of the Fraudulent Prcaiont.
These arc, all of them, nuthors and creajrs
of the present Administration. If
ither one of these variod elements had been
i! \f- II ...... IJ 1_
ruutiu^, i'ir. iiujfta wuuiu uoi uuflr ue coilidering
how he can evade the promises and
ilcdgcs given for him to the Southerners by
Averts, Matthews, Foster, and Sherman.
But among those who are responsible for
dr. llayes, the American people are not to
ie couutcd. By a majorty of one million
rhite men, and a majority of 250,000 of all
olors. thoy voted that they would have
Samuel J. Tilden for President. They had
lothing to do with putting Hayes where he
a.?Ar. Y. Sun.
"The IIigii Collaikk "?It is a well
nown fact that the present style of meu's
ollars arc high?very high?behind, which
;ivcs chem the appearance of possessing an
mbitious desire to crawl ovor on a man's
lead and convert themselves into a sort of
mod or bonnet. Well, a young man who
ras guilty of wearing one of these ambitious
nd restless looking articles, went into a barter
shop to have his hair trimmed. The
tarber seated him, and stepped buck for a
'icw of his subject. Unfortunately the
lead had almost completely disappeared beicath
the barricade of white liuen. The
might of the shears put him in a half a
lozen positions, but to no purposo. A last,
yith a sigh, and in the most beseeching
uanuer, ho said, "Mister ain't thcro some
II.._ ?<r 9" rni. u . i.
i 1 1
the Detroit Free J\eu says: A boy,
aged twelve, whose uucle is a member of the
Legislature, was permitted to make trip
to Lansing a few days ago in order to visit
tho Stato " House. He came borne ebaok
full of impertsnco, and when his littlo brother
ran to meot him at the gate William
ootdly waved him back sad said :
"I refer job t</th? committee ou'daheriei,
bnb, and how's W?y dog T'
His mothef was glad to see him, and when
ahe uaked Uim?if had enjayed himself, he
replied; z.
"Oh, I suppose so, though I now move
to striko out all after the enacting clause."
"What sort of talk is that, Willie, dear V*
she asked in great surprise. ?
"Never niiud she talk, mother.-bat move
ihypr^luus ijtnwtluii ?qfl mug on tfci? mru- cakes."
Tho hired girl came in with the dinner
ana wanted to know nqy: JuMikod Amusing.
Ho looked at her with groat dignity tad replied
:
I now inoT^>t6 lay your 'j^jitfob on the
table, Ilauuah, for future consideration-.'
Sbo got mad about it, and William slyly
informed hia mother that it was his Opinion
that Hannah's title should bo made to oouform
to tho body of tho bill.
He went out'to see tlie boys afler dinner,
and a house painter asked hitn where No.
667 waa. .
"We'H have a call of the House and tee,"
replied the boy, as he lookod around.
i(i" Whose house ?" asked tho painter.
"Or you can rise to a question of privilege,"
continued the lad.
"I dou't wuut no snss," said the painter,
who thought the boy was making fun of his
rod nnu
"Of course uot. Let's pass the bill to a
'bird reading, or also go into committee of
tho whole and debate it."
"I think you need dressing down!" growled
the painter and he banged William into
a snow ball and pushed a heap of snow down
behind his collar.
"Have the uiineritv no rights?" yelled
the boy, as he kicked the painter on the
shin.
He would have beeo welloped had not
hia mother appeared. .. The paiuter moved
AW>tf of fitevKf nf bar Kaftf ualLrl
"I'll we jou again, bay."
"I refer the whole subject to fatthar
with instruqtjAS to report a bill to walk you
iuto a police court," replied the repreaentative,
and he went in to Ull.hia mother the
difference between suspending therulciand
rushing a bill, or referring it to the committee
on cornfields until aouto one came
around with the oigare. .
Dr.. Maiiy Walkkk bounoift.? ? ashingtou,
March 22.?The Trcpsury Department
has another sensation. Dr. #^ary
Walker isstaudiug office seeker. For years
her bloomers have hovered about nutc-rooms
of differont Secretaries, until aho has become
such a bother that Secretary Sherman made
an order to the doorkecpetr that she be no
longer admitcd to auy part of tlio departmet.
To-day she alippod by, and had reached tlio
ante-ohtmbor of the Secretary. Word was
at once passed to the venerable gray-bearded
man who guards the main door in Fifteenth
street. 11c walked up to the scoond floor,
and at ouce told Dr. Mary eho must go
away. "You go to hell," answered Dra
Mary, vigorously ; "I shall do nothing of the
scrt." At this the doorkeeper made irliwblo
pass at her, as he said, "Gome now, you
oomo out of that." At this suggestion of
violence Dr. Mary jumped and clacked her
heels together twice as she dronned her
*j # - ri
hand upon a hip pocket, saying uYou lay a
hand on me and 1 will shoot you." The
doorkeeper saw a chance for a flank more*
mcnt He seized Dr. Mary's right wrist
and then passed his venerable artn about her
waist, lie thcu began to propel her toward
the btrcot. Dr. Mary kicked his shins all
the way and yelled uiurdcr, greatly to the
amusement of persons in tho hallways.?>
After he had piloted her to th 3 street he apologized
for his forced rough treatment, and
said that her importunity had brought it
about, lie nsipd her to pardon him, but
Dr. Mary refused, bitterly saying that the
couutry should yet ring with this outrage
committed upon a free-born American citizen.
A witty writer has observed, with much "
truth, that every man is, in a scuso, three
diffcrcut men. In the first place, he is tho
man ho thinks himself to be j in the second
place ho is the man other persons think him
to bo; and, finally, he is the man that ho
really is.?
.... .?
A remarkable fondness for cauned oystors
having bceu noticed among tlio inmates of
the Albany jail, one of the keepers made an
examination and found that tho cans supposed
to contain oysters contained whiskey.
Bice, McLure & Co.
ANNOUNCE that tbey hare received a full
line of
FALL AND WINTER GOODS,
to whioh they respectfully call the attention of
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on the most reasonable terms.
The attention of the Ladies is especially directed
to the
DRESS GOODS,
8//AWLS, CLOAKS,
TRIM MINOS.
MILLINERY GOODS,
SILK NECK TIES,
RUFFLING8, 7/0811 IT,
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Displayed by
RIOB, MoLURB 6c CO
Oct. NT 41 tf
New Stock of Prints at
FOSTER ft WlUlfcg .
Jan. 7 1 *tf
Olil P?por8 for Sale,
ijyNtlUlUti at thve office. , > i ,